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Do Narcissists Ever Regret Their Behaviour?

Do Narcissists Ever Regret Their Behaviour?

 

Narcissistic behaviour is unfathomable. Yet, even after experiencing the horrible, malicious things that a narcissist is capable of, you may be wondering the following …

Will he or she ever wake up? Will the narcissist ever regret their behaviour?

Is it possible for this person to have remorse for what they’ve done to you?

In today’s TTV episode I’m going to bring you the raw, unadulterated truth about these questions, and more … In such a way that hopefully you will never need to ponder this again!

 

 

Video Transcript

These are the questions on so many people’s lips …

Do narcissists know what they are doing?

Do they ever regret their behaviour?

Do they ever atone for what they’ve done?

If you want to know the truth to these questions, then watch on because I’m going to answer these questions and more in today’s TTV episode.

Before we get started, thank you everyone, who has supported the Thriver Mission by subscribing to my channel, and I’d like to remind you, if you haven’t already, please do. And if you enjoy this video make sure to give it a thumbs up!

Now let’s get started on this very important episode by looking at a humanity-based system of regret, and then we can move on to what narcissistic regret really is.

 

Understanding Genuine Regret

Genuine human regret contains the following vital points:

• Remorse for what happened to others.
• A desire to resolve damage caused to others.
• Wanting to atone and amend future behaviour.

Does this sound to you like what a narcissist is capable of?

Of course, it doesn’t, because it isn’t even what a narcissist wishes for. He or she does not want to be vulnerable, real, genuinely apologetic or hand over anything to others that may leave them susceptible to them.

In stark contrast, people who are not narcissistic, want to connect, care and can join with others in healthy ways. They desire teamwork and trust and know these are essential commodities in order to experience healthy relationships.

 

General Narcissistic Regret

Narcissistic regret contains these antisocial elements:

• Zero compassion, concern or care for others.
• Feelings of loss as a self-absorbed failure of their personal agenda.
• Comebacks that are equal to, or greater than, the previous pathological lies and manipulations.

Can you see the difference?

The narcissist may be feeling incredibly regretful about what didn’t work, or what was exposed. But this is purely about the narcissist, no one else.

A prime example is when a narcissist is dumped by someone else. He or she may feel the terrible regret of losing narcissistic supply. However, the object of supply is simply an object. This person was being used as a tool to regulate the narcissist’s emotions, without the exchange having anything to do with the other person’s feelings, rights or identity.

The narcissist may feel such ‘terrible (narcissistic) regret’ that he or she may feign responsibility or remorse, which may even come complete with crocodile tears.

Likewise, the narcissist may regret discarding you, if you don’t crawl back to him or her. But it doesn’t mean they feel sorry for the horrible things they did to you. They regret losing their narcissistic supply, sex, money, free living place and other privileges.

Yet, despite the act of trying to win you back, this person is likely to be scouting for new supply on the side simultaneously. As soon as a new source of supply (object) has been secured, then there is zero regret in the losing of the old source.

Of course, it comes complete with total malicious discard, much like one would eliminate an old pair of boots that one no longer wishes to wear.

 

Extended Narcissistic Regret

This next bit may really shock you.

I hope it does because it will allow you to stop trying to believe that a narcissist can adopt the genuine regret and remorse that normal people have, or that somehow you are going to be able to help them reach this level of humanity and emotional maturity.

The reality of narcissistic regret, in regard to their behaviours, is more sinister than you may have ever believed.

Not only do narcissists have a stunted ability to have genuine regret for what they have done to other people, they have actual regret regarding NOT being able to be more of a law onto themselves, and inflict even worse, conscienceless acts.

Examples of this are:

• Married or committed narcissists having to fit in with socially acceptable monogamy, and not being able to have sex with just anybody they want.
• Failing to exact revenge on people who they deemed to have betrayed them (not appeased their False Self enough) to the level that they really wanted to.
• Not being able to smear and defame another successfully enough to not be exposed by that person.
• Having to expend so much energy manipulating and charming their way to the goodies that they believe they should just be entitled to.
• Not having achieved more, or constantly having to construct elaborate lies, to make sure other people don’t steal the limelight from them.

I could write about another ten examples, but I hope that you get the point.

The narcissist does not fit into the normal humane construct that those with a soul and conscience do. Narcissism is a rogue system that is positioned on the constant requirement of filling an insatiable black hole within.

The narcissist’s fragile and highly disordered inner identity does not know how to operate in any other way.

The Short Answer to The Original Questions

Let’s go over this again …

Do narcissists know what they are doing?

Yes, they are doing whatever they are doing in order to secure narcissistic supply. There is no regret or remorse for doing that.

However, it’s important to understand that they have very little if any comprehension of how this affects other people. The truth is, to the narcissist, that’s irrelevant. They don’t care. People are only objects anyway.

Do they ever regret their behaviour?

Yes, a narcissist can regret their behaviour, but only ever in the context of it being only about the narcissist and their agenda.

Do they ever atone for what they’ve done?

A narcissist will not genuinely atone for what they’ve done.

They can feign genuine remorse and even apologise (fleetingly) but this is simply to reinstate the personal agenda, which sadly has nothing to do with care, compassion or love for others.

Once the cracks appear in relationships and dealings with others, it is usual that the narcissist will start looking for fresh supply on the side, and once secured, the old supply will be discarded as if it didn’t ever exist. Which, then is followed by the destruction of devaluation and smearing.

Of course, this happens until there comes a time when the new supply can be punished with the old supply, in which case triangulation can take place.

I hope that this episode has helped clear things up for you and made you realise that wanting a narcissist to be regretful, remorseful and atone in ways that have anything to do with you, is as fruitless as trying to play fetch with a crocodile.

The narcissist simply does not have the inner resources, or brain wiring, to comply.

What is vitally important for you is to let go of needing the narcissist to atone for you to heal. By focusing on him or her and not working on healing your woundedness of what went down, you are enslaving yourself to your own trauma prison indefinitely.

I can show you another way, a much better way to start healing and breaking free from this prison and narcissistic person, today.

To access this please click this link.

And, if you would like to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released.

Please also share this episode with those who you know are hung up on wanting the narcissist to be remorseful, which of course is a really common thing, until we work on our Thriver healing.

Also, if this resonated with you, hit the like button.

As always, I look forward to answering your comments and your questions below.

 

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stay-at-home mom

I Was a Stay-At-Home Mom: I Didn’t Regret That Until I Went Through a Divorce

stay-at-home mom

 

I started dating my high school sweetheart when I was just seventeen years old, and he was 16. Our families were friends since childhood.  Our relationship got serious rather quickly. He was the guy that checked all the boxes for the type of man I thought I was supposed to marry.

I had a ring on my finger when I was 19, and married before I even graduated college at 21 years old.  We pretty much grew up together. We were still kids trying to figure out life. Everything we had, we built from the ground up.  Nobody gave us anything that we didn’t work for.

Our relationship lasted 19 years; with two beautiful children to show for it, a custom-built home, a pretty substantial real estate portfolio, and a marriage that most people thought would last a lifetime.

Except that it didn’t. 

I was the mom that ran the household.  I worked in real estate part-time (a career that did not light me up) so that I could be there to raise our children.  I cooked all our meals, I made sure the home was clean, and I brought the kids to and from school and volunteered in the classroom.  Managing our home was my first priority.

I Was a Stay-At-Home Mom

Everything changed the minute our marriage was over.  It was as if this person I built a life with suddenly became someone I needed to protect myself from. I was dumbfounded that we instantly became strangers. I went from a life that felt safe, to thinking “what else could possibly be taken away from me?”

I am the one that asked for a divorce, but I was beaten to the punch with divorce papers.  I was suffering and processing the loss of my marriage, I wasn’t thinking that I needed to “protect” what was already mine.  I hired my own lawyer being that I was left with no other option.

My lawyer suggested I check my bank accounts to see if our funds were left untouched.  I can’t even begin to describe the feeling that washed over me when I logged into our joint bank accounts only to find that all the accounts had been closed and credit cards canceled.  To say that I felt terrified is an understatement. How did “our money” all of a sudden become “my money?”

Had I not been savvy, and blessed with the grace of God, I would have been at the mercy of a stranger, a person I was intimate with for 19 years, but none of that mattered anymore.  I was left to fend for myself, completely unsupported by my family, awaiting a court date in order to have a judge determine my fate. I still had basic survival needs.  “How do I pay for gas, groceries, the kid’s necessities, etc.?”

What came next was waking up one morning only to find my car key missing.  A car that I had been driving for a year…vanished. I was told it was a “company car” that I was no longer entitled to drive.  No warning, no conversation, just gone!

Everything changed overnight. 

I was no longer the primary caretaker of our children.  He went from running a family business fulltime to instantly becoming 50% dad, bringing and picking up the kids from school, and when he couldn’t he enlisted his family’s help during his “custodial time.” There was zero communication in raising our children.  It was your time and my time, and on my time, I will do whatever I please. Mind you it was never my intention to take the kids away, I believe children need both mom and dad in their lives. None of this was a topic of conversation, just action taken fueled by shattered pride and ego.

We were both instructed by lawyers to stay in our home until the divorce was finalized, which lasted a year.  It was excruciating. It felt outer body. I was a stranger in a home we built ourselves, a home we raised our children in, and where we hosted many family gatherings. Nothing felt comfortable anymore.  We both avoided being home when it wasn’t our custodial time. Everything was calculated and documented down to the day and the hour.  It was what I call divorce purgatory. Stuck between two worlds; life before divorce and life after divorce.

I write this in no way to place blame or to make myself out to be the victim because to be completely honest, my attorney advised me to do the exact same thing, but I didn’t want to believe that we had become these people.  I didn’t want our children to be placed in the crossfire of two people who felt the need to defend their ego and pride, but I also wasn’t going to stand around and allow someone to pull the rug out from under me.

My story is in no way unique. 

I have heard countless women in this exact predicament, especially when it comes to finances.  Begging for money in order to buy tampons. Meanwhile, their lawyer is unable to do a darn thing without getting in front of a judge, which could take months. Withholding money is financial abuse, and I don’t wish it on anyone.  I was grateful that I had other sources of income that he was unable to withhold from me in the long run, but not everyone is that lucky.

This is what many bulldog lawyers instruct their clients to do… ACT FAST, PROTECT YOURSELF AND YOUR ASSETS, MINIMIZE FINANCIAL LOSS, and in some cases make the other person out to be unfit and unreliable.  It’s not a lawyer’s job to do what is in the best interest of all parties involved, including the children.  Their only job is to “WIN” for the client. They have no interest in who gets burned in the process. I say this having experienced it firsthand.

I want stay at home moms to be fully aware of the possible outcomes.  If you are financially dependent on your spouse and you want out of your marriage please be aware of the situation and consult a lawyer, preferably a lawyer that isn’t out to win at all costs.  Don’t ever think to yourself that this will never happen to me, that was my first lesson. This can easily be you, too, if you are in a relationship with someone who is fueled by fear and has a bruised ego. Remember healing doesn’t happen in courtrooms, that’s your own personal journey.  Until you are in a desperate state of mind, you have no idea what you are capable of doing.

If you find yourself in this situation feel free to reach out to me for a complimentary strategy session.  Do not try and handle this alone.

Sign-up on my mailing list to get weekly content that will support you in your journey towards healing, and also get notified of my upcoming program coming out soon…Untying the Knots of Divorce.

The post I Was a Stay-At-Home Mom: I Didn’t Regret That Until I Went Through a Divorce appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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