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What A Narcissist Does At The End Of The Relationship

What A Narcissist Does At The End Of The Relationship

 

Breaking up with a narcissist can be one of the most devastating and traumatising times of your life.

So in today’s article, I want to explain to you what a narcissist does at the end of the relationship – and how that can affect you.

I really want you to be armed with this information so that you know how to emotionally and practically survive this difficult time.

 

Sense of Entitlement and Lack of Compassion or Consideration

What a narcissist does at the end of a relationship exposes their true colours – being a self-absorbed and entitled person who lacks empathy.

How does this translate in real terms?

You will be shocked at how this person will throw you metaphorically under a bus. They are not at all concerned about your welfare; how you will get through the breakup; or how you will move forward in the future.

If you haven’t already realised it, the narcissist’s thinking is: ‘It’s every person for themselves’. No-one is able to play that philosophy dirtier than a narcissist.

This ability comes with lacking a conscience and having the pathological entitlement to take whatever is not nailed down, literally.

When breaking up, so many people are shocked at how the split happened. Things like not being able to get back into their own home; how their possessions are taken away or hidden; how money goes missing from bank accounts; and the terrible lies that are spread about them to all and sundry.

These are things that normal humans, with a sense of humanity, just can’t do.

And they happen regardless of whether you are the one ending the relationship or the narcissist has discarded you.

To be forewarned is to be forearmed. If you suspect the end is coming with a narcissist, take the following necessary steps to protect yourself.

Leave when the narcissist is not around – take what is yours while you can still get at it. If you are leaving the house, know that you probably won’t be able to get back in – even if the house is in your name. So many people, myself included, were devastated to discover that the police just threw their hands up and said, ‘You need to see a solicitor because this is a civil manner.’

Many a narcissist knows this because it is not the first time they have played these games.

Seek legal advice as to where you stand in regard to your property, start creating your own bank account, and see a solicitor in private. Also, most importantly, don’t let people close to the narcissist in on your plans.

I’d like to grant you the link to this blog so that you have lots of resources to help you plan how to leave safely and healthily – Is there a right way to leave a narcissist?

 

Why the Narcissist Wants to Punish You

According to the narcissist, you are now a devalued, awful and horrible human being. This perception is regardless of whether you have left them or they have thrown you away (because you are too hard to extract supply from now, there is no more to take from you, or a more abundant source has turned up).

To a standard narcissist, life is either ‘black’ or ‘white’. You are either wonderful (supplying brilliant, idealised narcissistic supply), or you are a piece of dirt (you serve no purpose to them anymore) who needs to be discarded and treated like a piece of dirt.

(Some narcissists may be able to apply some shades of grey – but not many.)

It will be likely that you are classified and treated by the narcissist as a piece of dirt – and it doesn’t even matter whether you have had a life, family or allegiances with this person for the last 30 years or just months.

Narcissists will usually go after the money, property, businesses, pets and even the children. They know that the things and Beings that matter to you is where they can hurt you the most.

However, because narcissists have a disastrously unstable inner identity, all this nasty behaviour can change. Abhorring you can switch to adoring you on the turn of a dime.

This change often happens when the narcissist is low on narcissistic supply. But also it can happen when he or she has conjured up some sort of agenda to suck you back in to get your trust, before extracting something more from you and then pulling the rug out for under you again. This is known as hoovering, and it is a common and very serious threat when splitting up with a narcissist.

Of course, if you fall for it, as many of us have, you will only be brutalised further.

 

Switching the Truth of the Ending

Narcissists are great at conjuring their version of reality. If you leave a narcissist, they will tell you they were going to break up with you anyway. And to preserve their ego, they will tell other people they left you – that is unless there is wonderful narcissistic supply for them to glean as a result of telling people how horribly you left them. Generally, however, it is only the more covert-victim-type narcissist who plays this out.

 

Showing Off the New Supply

Narcissists are incredibly childish when it comes to new relationships. They idealise this person as the new source of narcissistic supply. In reality, however, this means the narcissist’s newest drug to take away the pain of the inner screaming demons.

There is one thing for certain – when a relationship ends, the narcissist starts scouting for a new source without delay. In fact, if they are the one who ended the relationship, they are likely to have been grooming someone even before the end came. It’s even common for narcissists to get engaged and married very quickly afterwards.

Usually, this new person is introduced to people immediately – even the narcissist’s children (who may have endured partner after partner) – and taken to major social events with friends, family and colleagues.

By comparison, normal, healthy adults usually take their time to get to know someone before introducing them to family and friends. They have more consideration for everyone concerned, including their new partner and themselves.

It’s also common for the narcissist to display photos on social media of how ‘loved up’ they are. ‘Instant relationship’ is the narcissist’s motto.

Narcissists can even be so cruel as to contact you and tell you how wonderful this new person in their life is. Who does that? Only someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder could have such a lack of empathy.

What is this about? I have no doubt, in some cases, it is to punish the ex-partner. Or maybe it is to prove to the world ‘I am a great partner no matter what he or she says’. And, of course, it is because a narcissist without narcissistic supply has to be alone with their own self-annihilating critic – which is their worse possible nightmare.

Naturally, the trauma from being replaced with ‘new supply’ is devastating for you. It’s one of the worst things anyone can experience. It is usual for people, who have been narcissistically abused, to be no-where near starting another relationship. Before Thriver Healing, some people have been sworn off relationships for decades, as a result of the trauma that impacted them so badly.

 

Being Discarded Like You Don’t Exist

This can be as painful as being replaced.

But, before I get into the details, I just want to make one thing VERY clear. If you have gone No Contact with a narcissist (discarded and turned your back on them) because of abuse, pathological lies, adultery (and the list goes on), you have NOTHING to feel guilty about.

You know how you tried to converse, reason and deal with this person to NO avail – and truly you were never going to be able to reclaim your soul and your life unless you made this move.

There is a huge difference between someone who goes No Contact for these reasons and how a narcissist does it. With a narcissist it is often a brutal act as a result of, for example, them being caught out doing something horrific or as a response to you trying to assert boundaries and rights.

What marks a narcissist’s behaviour compared to yours is that there is no trying to reason, work with facts or be accountable for anything – it is just ‘switch and ditch’ – and of course it leaves you reeling.

 

How YOU Can Rise Like the Phoenix Out of the Ashes

Now let’s get very clear about something.

I’m passionate about YOU healing. And for that reason, I don’t want you to use this article as a ‘sharing of war stories’ about what happened at the end of your relationship. That is NOT my purpose.

This article, as all of mine are, is about healing towards true solutions rather than staying mired in the trauma. Moving forwards and away from narcissists can only happen by investigating and healing the screaming traumas that have been ignited within you.

This is the thing… All of us in narcissistic relationships were treading water. We were walking on broken glass, suffering unresolvable issues that just would not stop. We were constantly trying to survive our life with another person, who simply did not have the resources to be a sane and healthy partner.

This is what I know about your soul’s mission to evolve – if you are living in a Life that does not represent your True Self and True Life, then the heat gets turned up until you get booted out of it. It is irrelevant whether you chose to leave or were left. You were NOT living life as Who You Really Are.

After the end of your relationship, the recovery work is about confronting the things within you that HURT that are triggered off in order to cross your threshold into your True Self and True Life.

When you start Thriver Healing and go inside and start releasing your traumas and False Beliefs, you will find all sorts of survival fears, such as abandonment terrors and false beliefs that were causing you to try to seek your wholeness, love, and approval from another source.

How you find these, is simply by going to ‘what hurts’ inside you when the relationship ends; all of the heartbreak, fear, panic and associated traumas that have been activated.

It truly is a complete illusion, that by focusing on the narcissist and what they are or aren’t doing, that your salvation comes. It doesn’t; it’s only created by going inside yourself and doing the work there.

I promise you, with all of my heart, that the end of your narcissistic relationship is where your True Self and Life can finally begin.

And I want to hold your hand and help you get to exactly where I am now – thriving, self-generating, completely able to forge my own life regardless of what specific people are or aren’t doing – and living the joy of having Life itself back me up and support me endlessly.

This is what Thrivers experience and I KNOW it is what awaits you too.

Please join me in my 16 Day free Recovery Course, where you will learn exactly what is deeply going on, how to get your power back and defeat the narcissist’s attempts to hurt and confuse you.

 

 

 

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relationship might be over

9 Red Flags That Say Your Relationship Might Be Over

relationship might be over

 

After decades of being a therapist and lover of self-help books, I’ve come to realize that red flags usually appear fairly early on in failed relationships. For instance, most couples report that their relationship problems didn’t surface suddenly but are the result of buried resentment that can fester for years.

Likewise, when a couple splits, most state that their problems were never processed or resolved in a healthy way. As a result, they felt criticized or put down by their partner and say that they argue about the same things over and over (and over) again. In many cases, couples become detached and eventually lose fondness, admiration, and love for one another over time.

Sweeping issues under the rug only works for so long. Because when couples have deep-seated resentment, it’s one of the signs your relationship is over and can be a challenge to forgive and forget.

A healthy, intimate relationship is built on trust and vulnerability which involves sharing your innermost feelings, thoughts, and wishes. It’s important to remember that all couples have perpetual problems and can develop tools to deal with them.

According to author Claire Hatch, LCSW, “If you’re bottling up feelings of sadness or anger, you end up suppressing your feelings. You’ll find yourself feeling less joy and love, as well.” In other words, if you can’t talk about the hard things, you’ll also feel less warmth and affection; and over time less fondness and admiration for your partner.

Here are 9 warning signs your relationship might be over or is starting to die out.

1. You argue about the same things.

And you do it over and over (and over) again and never seem to clear the air. You both feel like you’re the loser and that you often have to defend your position.

2. You feel criticized and put down.

This leaves you feeling less than “good enough.” According to renowned relationship expert Dr. John Gottmancriticism is one of the main reasons why marriages collapse.

3. You have difficulty being vulnerable with your significant other.

And when you do, your worst fears are actualized: you’re left regretting that you revealed your feelings and desires.

4. One or both of you put your children or others first. 

Therapist and author Andrew G. Marshall writes in his book, I Love You But You Always Put Me Last, “If you put your children first, day in and day out, you will exhaust your marriage.” He posits that many parents fall into the trap of putting their children first and the outcome is resentful, alienated parents and demanding, insecure children.

5. You don’t enjoy each other’s friends or families.

So you begin socializing away from one another. This may start out as an occasional weeknight out. But if not nipped in the bud, it can spill over into weekends — ideally when couples have an opportunity to spend more time together.

6. You have ghosts from past relationships that surface because they were not dealt with.

You may overreact to fairly innocent things your partner says or does because it triggers a memory from a past relationship.

7. Your needs for sexual intimacy are vastly different and/or you rarely have sex.

Relationship expert Cathy Meyer says, “Whether it is him or you that has lost interest, a lack of regular intimacy in a marriage is a bad sign. Sex is the glue that binds; it is the way adults play and enjoy each other.”

8. You and your partner have fallen into a pursuer-distancer pattern.

This is one of the main causes of divorce. Over time, it erodes the love and trust between you because you’ll lack the emotional and sexual intimacy that comes from being in harmony with each other.

9. When you disagree, you seldom resolve your differences.

You fall into the trap of blaming each other and fail to compromise or apologize. As a result, you experience less warmth and closeness. What are the best ways to break the negative pattern of relating that can lead to the demise of your relationship? First of all, it’s important to become conscious of your expectations.

Dr. Brené Brown suggests, “The fastest way for an expectation to morph into shame or resentment is for it to go unnoticed.” Dr. Brown also recommends that we drop our prerequisites for feeling worthy based on conditions, such as having our partner’s approval or a perfect relationship.

Now that you know the signs your relationship might be over or dying, here are a few things you can try before giving up.

1. Stop criticizing your partner.

Talking about specific issues will reap better results than attacking your partner. For instance, a complaint is: “I’m upset because you didn’t tell me about the phone call from your ex. We agreed to be open with each other.” Versus a criticism: “You never tell me the truth. How can I trust you?”

2. Practice resolving conflicts as they arise.

Don’t put aside resentments that can destroy your relationship. Experiencing conflict is inevitable and couples who strive to avoid it are at risk of developing stagnant relationships. Take responsibility for your part in a dispute. Avoid defensiveness and showing contempt for your partner (rolling your eyes, ridicule, name-calling, sarcasm).

3. Boost up physical affection and sex

According to author Dr. Kory Floyd, physical contact releases oxytocin (the bonding hormone) that reduces pain and causes a calming sensation. It’s released during sexual orgasm and affectionate touch as well. Physical affection also reduces stress hormones, lowering daily levels of the stress hormone cortisol.

4. Nurture fondness and admiration for your partner. 

Remind yourself of your partner’s positive qualities — even as you grapple with their flaws — and express your positive feelings out loud several times each day. Search for common ground rather than insisting on getting your way when you have a disagreement. Listen to their point of view and avoid the stonewalling, which is shutting yourself off from communication.

The best way to create a relationship built on love, trust, and intimacy is to take responsibility for our own actions and to practice acceptance and compassion for our partner.

The truth is that all couples have problems, even the ones who seem like a perfect match. The thing to keep in mind is that realistic expectations and damage control can keep resentment from building and causing serious relationship problems.

This article previously appeared on HuffingtonPost.com

Follow Terry Gaspard on TwitterFacebook, and movingpastdivorce.com. Terry’s book Daughters of Divorce: Overcome the Legacy of Your Parents’ Breakup and Enjoy a Happy, Long-lasting Relationship was published by Sourcebooks in 2016. He new book The Remarriage Manual: How to Make Everything Work Better the Second Time Around will be published by Sounds True in 2020.

More from Terry

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The Proven Way to Heal Toxic Relationship Trauma – Part Two

The Proven Way to Heal Toxic Relationship Trauma – Part Two

 

I am totally passionate about ending our suffering and healing for real from narcissistic abuse.

In Part Two of this series, I am going to explain more about Quantum and Consciousness Science, and how I realised the three keys to heal from abuse on the day I had decided to give up on Life!

Together we take a deep and wide dive into Quantum Healing – what it is, how it works and the results it achieves.

I will also share with you how I found the answers, which were previously elusive, due to my total frustration of having a chronic condition that NOTHING was healing.

It is my greatest desire after this Part Two episode, regardless of how severe your traumas are and how broken you feel, that you can sense a light calling you forward, just as my epiphany did for me.

 

 

Video Transcript

Today’s Thriver TV is Part Two of this series, and I’m really excited to take this conversation even deeper and wider than we did last week.

So to recap what we went through last week… We went over the reasons why you may not have been able to heal yet, despite your efforts to try to get relief from the excruciating symptoms of narcissistic abuse.

We also looked at the new science – Quantum and Neuro Science – and the reasons why introspection and taking your awareness inside is how to get to the core of your abuse symptoms, to be able to tend to them, so that you can get out of the terrible loop of having the ongoing management of your internal trapped traumas.

What is so exciting is that now we have the ability to release and live free of our trauma, and not just recover, but Thrive beyond the state of self and life that we experienced before abuse, even if abuse is all we have ever known.

Today we are going to look at the following three aspects of Part One more deeply: why we can, how we can do it, and the way to achieve this!

Before we get started, however, I want to thank you all for having the courage to subscribe to my channel and be a Thriver. The world needs this awareness to break out of old paradigms of being continually sick and traumatised after abuse, so that we can be something so much greater. If you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you give it a thumbs up.

Okay, let’s kick off Part Two.

The Power to Change at Our Core

Dr. Bruce Lipton upholds that the truth about genes holds the key.

Bruce maintains that pivotal to this shift in thinking is the ground-breaking insight into the function of genes. It was always believed that our genes have predispositions to turn off and on, created from our inbuilt genetics and situations in life that we have no control over.

We now know that this is not true – genes respond according to their environment. The environment outside of us in itself means nothing. It is our perception of the environment that is the TRUE environment – that’s what creates the ‘environment’ that our cells are housed in. It’s all going on in our body.

WE are the petri dish!

It’s all to do with our consciousness. And our consciousness, our perceptions, are all to do with our already existing subconscious beliefs.

If we change our beliefs, we change our consciousness. Then we change our cells and we change our life.

It’s an inside out job.

If we stay stuck in the powerlessness of our consciousness, affected by what other people are or aren’t doing, then we remain a victim to our life – the things and people that we have absolutely no control over.

However, as new science tells us, if, regardless of how our life looks, we take our focus inside ourselves and do the inner work to change our consciousness, then we become the masters of our biology and therefore our entire life.

We literally become different and we make different choices. We stop wrestling with what doesn’t serve us and we have empowered boundaries. We stop being derailed through our wounds and triggers. We know what to do to unfold a new truth, because of a new subconscious program operating inside us.

We may think that changing our consciousness must mean we have to think positively in the face of the painful events and traumas that we are facing, but it doesn’t work that way. We have all tried that very unsuccessfully with our abuse trauma!

Bruce says about this, ‘People hear about “positive thinking”, but when they attempt to put it into practice it doesn’t work because there is a step missing. The mind runs the biology, but the important thing to recognise is that there are two parts to the mind – the conscious and the subconscious – and the subconscious mind is over a million times more powerful than the conscious mind.’

He says, ‘If you tell a child it’s average and that’s the program, the child cannot exceed average because the brain will say, “this doesn’t make sense”. So no matter how hard that child tries it will unconsciously create average.’

The same applies for the painful traumatic beliefs we are carrying within us about relationships such as ‘The people I love hurt me, ignore me, treat me as invalid; they use my kindness for their own purposes.’ Or we may have the belief ‘If I don’t give other people what they want I will be criticised, rejected, abandoned, punished or even annihilated.’

We all know that that C.R.A.P.! Hence why we must go inwards with an effective method to change the program.

The Three Vital Steps to Heal

I want to share with you the incredible revelation I had that started the Thriver Movement. It happened on what I thought was the worst day of my life. I had been given a ‘There is no way to heal this; you can only medicate it with anti-psychotics’ diagnosis after my psychotic and adrenal breakdown.

I didn’t want to continue living, yet a voice in my head kept at me and at me with ‘there is another way’.

Anyway, many of you have heard this story so I’ll get right to the point. To try to shut down that voice in my head, in desperation, I ended up on my bathroom floor, put my hands up and screamed out, ‘Help me, I can’t do this anymore.’

An epiphany happened. Not just a regular everyday epiphany – rather a mind-blowing one that explained ‘everything’. It was a complete 180-degree turn away from my previous beliefs about how victimised I was, and how what had been dealt to me (the destruction of my entire life and self) was such a terrible fate.

I was shown there was a REASON for all of this. Again, not just a simple reason – rather a ‘the meaning of life’ reason. The reason being so that I could finally face my unmet, unconscious traumas and finally go free to be Who I Really Was.

Later I was to discover, through my whole Quantum Thriver Journey, that I am not alone in this. It’s in fact happening FOR all of us.

There were so many crystal-clear understandings that happened in the moments that followed on my bathroom floor. Maybe the incredible irony is that you have to be completely out of your mind to be able to receive the truth.

In amongst this, I was given the Three Key Steps to Heal.

These steps were:

Number 1: Acceptance of what had happened

Previously I had refused to accept losing both who I thought was the love of my life and everything that I thought was my life. I had been a total victim, and all the therapists and online forums had told me exactly that too.

However, I knew now that if I remained a victim and did not accept that all of this was happening FOR me instead of TO me, that I would never be able to get free of the trauma or get well.

Number 2: Turn inwards to heal myself

I understood that my current trauma and devastated life had come about because of not being healed and whole within myself. I had constantly self-abandoned. I was an expert at trying to shame and blame myself into shape, and reaching for distractions – keeping busy, overworking and using other addictions and unhealthy people and situations to do anything other than face, soothe and heal my own feelings.

None of my previous strategies worked anymore, and I was out of options to try to avoid the pain. There was only one place left to go – inside.

I knew my Inner Being needed me desperately, not False Sources, and only by going inwards could I heal the unhealable, change myself and forever change my life.

Number 3: Find, release and reprogram my trauma and belief systems

I knew I had to go inside with love and self-devotion to find my traumas and limiting beliefs, and be able to reprogram them back to wholeness.

Even though I didn’t know how to do this yet, I saw with absolute clarity the system of ‘so within so without’ and how our inner universe relates directly to our outer universe, and that to change our life the composition of our Inner Being needs to change first.

Then I was catapulted into a vision of the future where I saw and FELT myself Thriving – being more expanded, whole, loving, wise and powerful than I had ever imagined myself to be – even before abuse.

From that day forwards I totally fell into line with Number 1 and Number 2, and was on the search for how to achieve Number 3. Even though this epiphany in no way healed me, and there was tons of inner work and releasing trauma and subconscious reprogramming that I needed to do, I did have a massive immediate shift.

I gave up blaming myself and others. I released the shame of where my life had gone to. I knew this was about healing me and it was MY quest. I stopped holding the narcissist responsible for my life. Instead, I turned inwards and committed to the rebuilding of my soul from the ground up.

Even though I still had tons of trauma, my Inner Being heaved a sigh of relief. I had made this commitment to her, ‘I love you. I am here and I will do everything in my power to heal you, and I am never leaving you again.’

Now that I had shown up for myself, without any medication at all, which I was told I would need to even function, the psychotic episodes completely ended, forever.

Yet this was only the beginning. There was still so much more to come…

The Real Healing Breakthrough

Me surviving after being only 80 pounds and told I would never be normal and would need anti-psychotics for the rest of my life was already a miracle. I was medication free, determinedly self-partnered, and completely soul dedicated. Nothing was more important than fulfilling my quest of healing my Inner Being.

The future vision and the ‘knowing’ of being trauma-free kept calling me forward. I had researched many subconscious healing modalities, trying almost every one of them you can think of – EMDR, EFT, Body Code, The Reconnection, The Journey – the list goes on and on.

I found the most effective for me were Kinesiology and Theta Healing, which I studied and was certified in. These modalities, combined with past timeline regression therapy, which I had been practicing for decades previously, became a combined healing system that I called ‘Holographic Healing’.

The results for myself and other people with trauma symptoms were crazy good. So good that in a few short months after working on myself with Holographic Healing, I was completely free of CPTSD, fibromyalgia and adrenal stress. In many ways, even though I had been wiped out in nearly every area of my life, I had never felt so emotionally content and happy.

I still had, however, a persistent condition of agoraphobia. The narcissistic relationship had included stalking, threats, and terrible occurrences. Even though I felt fantastic in safe, closed spaces, in open spaces where I was vulnerable, the trauma that arose was sometimes horrific. I tried everything to heal this. I spent thousands of dollars on credit with every subconscious healer that was recommended to me – but the agoraphobia wouldn’t shift.

That was the case, until another miracle moment.

I was in Koh Samui on holiday and stuck in the confines of the hotel perimeter because of agoraphobia. This was 18 months after my bathroom floor awakening. I had had enough of it. I really wanted to heal this condition.

One night I started thinking about a documentary I had watched where Dr. Joe Dispenza and Dr. Candace Pert talk about how the chemical manufacturing part of our brain – the hypothalamus – produces ‘peptides’. You may have seen my Thriver TV Episode about this – and if not I highly suggest you do because it’s a key understanding. The link to the episode is here for you – The Answer To Narcissistic Abuse No-One Is Talking About – Peptide Addiction.

Anyway, the very shortened version of peptide addiction is this: science has now proven we literally get physiologically addicted in our cells to an emotion that we are receiving huge rushes of. Mine was fear – specifically ‘I’m not safe in life’.

As I thought about this documentary something CLICKED big time for me. I got it – the penny finally dropped – I just somehow KNEW that if I could feel that emotion in my body, target the traumas that were generating that emotion, use a visualisation process and intention to load up all the core causations reasons (meaning the original traumas and attached belief systems) and let them go, that I would be instantly freed from ‘I’m not safe in life’ and I would be completely healed from agoraphobia.

So I opened my heart and mind, and as I started taking dictation from a much higher source than me, I knew this was IT. My heart was pounding with excitement. There it was – a combination of Theta Healing, Kinesiology, Quantum multidimensional truths, timeline work, and other stuff I didn’t think I knew. Yet as I was writing it down, I knew I DID know it.

I was shown how multiple traumas are stored in the subconscious energetically – collective human traumas, past life trauma, trauma from our family’s genetic history and from our childhoods, including in utero before we are born, and then of course as adults.

I literally saw how these traumas lodge within our subconscious, and I was shown the intentions and visualisations as codes to unlock them and release them.

I was also shown that there are three compartments of the subconscious that require cleaning out for a full healing to take place. And with these releases, I was shown the corresponding integrations with the superconscious – which is Source – that is necessary to move each part of ourselves into the Light; into our Higher Potentiality connected with the Field so that we can actualise and be-come our True Self in regard to any topic that is targeted.

As I applied the first ever Quantum Freedom Healing to myself, I found and released dozens of past life, collective and childhood traumas. Then after searching inside and finding absolute no more parts of me that were attached to this trauma, I walked out into the main street of Chaweng Beach.

I started playing in life like I never had before. I was free, I was extended, I was radiant, I was connected to everything and everyone with joy. I had never ever felt those feeling before. Then I remembered the vision on my bathroom floor, when I was catapulted into the future – it was exactly THAT feeling.

Later, back in the hotel room, I thought to myself, ‘If I hadn’t been given this process, HOW on earth would I have ever found this?’ No therapy, including subconscious healing modalities, which were the most powerful, had ever taken me inwards to my Core Identity with such laser-like intensity, drawn the multiple traumas out of my cells from all the necessary subconscious compartments, and integrated me with the Oneness of myself and the Field to provide a fully experienced cellular body shift that completely short-circuited a deadly physiological peptide loop that my body had been addicted and trapped in.

How many decades of therapy would it take to get to that, what had just been achieved in only two hours?

Would it have even been possible?

I don’t believe it would.

The Inner Then Outer Shift

Humbly, I really want you to know Quanta Freedom Healing is not my creation. I was blessed, as a very unlikely messenger, to have this happen through me from a Higher Source that is much more intelligent than me. I could never have come up with that stuff myself! At first, I thought this gift was just for me, but I’ve known for a long time it’s for all of us. And such a gift it was to me!

As I kept using Quanta Freedom Healing on any trigger that came up for me, extraordinary things started to happen, and very quickly:

• Family, friends and colleagues who had turned away from me, turned back with love.

• The Universe was leaving me directions and ‘love notes’ every day to grant me the next step to my healing.

• Every day support, love, blessings and literal miracles were showing up, ranging from a free gift from a shopkeeper to incredible business and mission opportunities.

• The relationship with my son, which seemed shattered beyond repair, did a full about face and we were reunited. He healed miraculously from severe substance abuse and depression.

• A peace, love and wholeness that I didn’t even know existed, continued to build.

• Opportunities, synchronicities and miracles started to abound. Ways to come back and rebuild my life that I would never have dreamed of, just started showing up abundantly. And…

• I joyously followed my soul calling, and before I knew it my vocation was a global narcissistic abuse recovery expert – which truly is the job of my dreams, because I get to save lives and souls every day.

I had come home – finally – for the first time in lifetimes.

Thank God I had finally woken up from the trance – to shed the layers of false beliefs and traumas that have been inflicted on all of us on this planet.

This I now know is the simple meaning of life: if we have anything that hurts there is a corresponding trauma inside us, and when we find it and release it everything heals.

That’s ALL we have to do to claim our True Life.

You really do need to ‘Go Quantum’ to start experiencing the incredible fast results of this. Myself and Thrivers who do the inner work, live this as ‘our normal’. You will only begin to understand how powerful and capable you are of enlisting all of Life to co-create with you, when you get aligned in your Quantum consciousness. It’s Quantum Law – so within, so without – as absolute as gravity.

For more information regarding this, you may want to do some research on the Double Split experiment to see just how our own brand of consciousness affects how life shows up in our experience. This is what Quantum Science teaches us: at the subatomic level, beyond the atoms of our cells, we exist as pure waves of energy, a consciousness that is interconnected with the entire Field.

By living this we start to be-come Who We Really Are. Not just a little separated person having to unconsciously battle life – rather a connected being in the Oneness doing our life consciously.

The Results of Inner Healing the Quantum Way

These are the following:

1) You heal for real

There is no longer the need to have to manage trauma and the horrible symptoms and obsessional thoughts that go with that. It all melts away.

2) The narcissist becomes powerless against you

Committed NARPers regularly have unprecedented property settlement and custody wins. Often the narcissist completely capitulates and grants what is fair, because they can’t stand being in your empowered energy without being able to hook you. Doing the inner work to detox a narcissist from every vestige of your Inner Being is the only way to win against a narcissist that I have ever seen work.

3) You don’t need to learn how to be-come, it just happens

The old paradigm of healing was that we needed to unlearn something and then retrain ourselves to learn a new way of being. This generally took years, if not decades, researching into the ‘what happened with whom and what effect that had on us’.

This equals ‘analysis paralysis’ that only drip feeds, at best, any change to our subconscious programs and, at worse, cements deeper into our Inner Being our belief about being a victim and defective.

With Quanta Freedom Healing there is absolutely no need to know or research your story. It doesn’t matter how, with whom or when the trauma happened. Literally, by accessing the body’s wisdom and power, which is always unfolding the next wound to be released, you simply load and release the dense energy in your body and the belief system that was wrapped into that trauma disappears also.

There is zero need for you to even know what the trauma or belief was for you to be completely free of it. (However, don’t be surprised if total answers and concrete knowing arises as a product of your True Self connection to yourself!)

Then, as a result of the part of the process that brings in your Superconscious self, filling the space where the wound was, you automatically be-come the new and True Self. The person who knows how to be organically wise, conscious, self-loving, self-respecting, powerful and yet grace-full, whilst serving the Field in the highest and most honourable ways.

This shift of something that may have taken decades contemporarily to achieve previously – if it ever was possible – can happen within half an hour on any topic in your life, which is the duration of a Quanta Freedom Healing.

This may seem too good to be true, but I promise you once you start Going Quantum you will know exactly what I am talking about.

4) Your Life expands and heals in multiple areas

Naturally, we initially do the Quantum Inner Work to get relief from current trauma and fear. However, when cleaning out all that the narcissist has triggered, you will realise how the limiting beliefs and traumas were holding you separated from the things in life that you deeply desired.

The things that ironically you had attached to the narcissist, to try to gain through him or her, instead of generating through Self.

For the first real and authentic time, your confidence starts flowing, joy emerges, the ability to lay healthy boundaries comes online, inner knowing, wisdom, inspiration and intuition start to arise from within, and your life’s dreams and goals all come into view.

The areas of your life that were lacking, now can all heal and produce the results your heart has always desired.

That has been my experience, on steroids, as a result of Quanta Freedom Healing (NARP), which I do any day that I feel dense, unwanted energy in my body. Sometimes I may do as many as three healings a week. Other times I may not do one for a couple of weeks.

The triggers I have in my life are miniscule now – because I have released so much trauma. Yet, absolutely back in the day, I was in the deep dark trenches of meeting and releasing my trauma for much longer periods. But why wouldn’t I be? Look at the results now.

If I hadn’t done the work, I know 100% I would be back in my next lifetime having to face all of this again. I wanted this evolution – we all do. As Dr. Joe Dispenza says (I think it went something like this!), ‘We are all going to evolve. The real question is “when?” Will that start now or be in thirty years’ time, or a hundred more lifetimes?’

It all starts by turning inwards and taking on the three keys to heal for real: 1) accepting this happened for a reason, 2) turning inwards to ourselves with love, and 3) using processes to release trauma and reprogram our subconscious programs.

When we take on the ‘three keys’, the results are fast and effective. It’s the new science and the way we can be free of our wounds, our old beliefs and the horrible diagnoses we have received – as well as our fear, pain and abuse patterns.

As Thriver Sophie said, ‘After years of therapy I have had more success with Melanie’s healing in less than 2.5 weeks than all those 15 plus years combined.’

Linda, in a few short weeks after being discarded by a narcissist and hospitalised for a suicide attempt and severe depression, said this, ‘After spending weeks in hospitals from crippling depression and hopelessness, Melanie’s work has changed my life so much for the better. My condition has improved so much since finding her. There are not enough words to describe what a difference she has made in my life. I am from New Mexico and have done a lot of energy work there, but nothing I have ever experienced compares to the life changing miracle that Melanie has given me.’

Lisa said this, ‘The NARP program is nothing short of phenomenal. Embarking on the journey that is NARP has opened up my world, brought both sides of my brain back into harmony, and I have never felt so empowered and liberated. This is sheer breakthrough and these are super tools.’

Humbly, these stories are only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the life-changing and life-saving testimonies that flood into MTE every day as a result of NARP. You don’t have to look far in my social communities to read them for yourself.

Lisa’s right, these are super tools, and I feel so blessed that we all live in a time to be a part of this exciting paradigm shift, a return to truth, a Quantum Leap in our own healing evolution.

So, if you want to dive in and Go Quantum and start experiencing these results for yourself, I would love you to join me in my brand new two-hour masterclass – Heal Your Abuse Trauma and Claim Your True Life.

This event is the beginning of your True Self and True Life if you want it!

And it’s totally FREE.

You can do so by clicking this link.  I can’t wait to see you in there with me!

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always, I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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The Proven Way To Heal Toxic Relationship Trauma – Part One

The Proven Way To Heal Toxic Relationship Trauma – Part One

 

The effects of narcissistic abuse can be excruciating.

Many of us have tried so hard to heal from the anxiety, depression and feelings of powerlessness and hopelessness that abuse trauma can cause.  And some of you may have gone on to develop adrenal malfunction, fibromyalgia, Complicated Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD) or agoraphobia.

So why were we able to get up and go again with other events in our life – even serious ones – but this time we just CAN’T…

…despite all the effort we make, the knowledge we learn and the practices we study?

In this Thriver TV Episode, we will look at ineffectual avenues of healing and why they haven’t worked. We will investigate the scientific evidence of the new healing ways, that do heal us deeply at our core, and why they do.

If you have battled to heal, and possibly even feel defective or a failure because you aren’t getting better, today’s episode is a must-watch video for you.

 

 

Video Transcript

This is the first of a two-part series about healing from interpersonal trauma.

This episode includes why it has been so difficult to heal from narcissistic abuse and relationship trauma. We will also be looking at the different ways we thought we could be healed, ways that have proven for most people to be ineffectual, as well as Quantum Healing effectiveness that is now backed by science and which does release us from trauma, deeply, at our subconscious and cellular level, in ways that standard contemporary therapy simply can’t.

Today you are going to start learning exactly why talk therapy and trying to think differently, and even learning copious amounts of information about abuse and your abuse symptoms, although can help you know you’re not alone or going mad, does not have the ability to heal you.

The specific healing work that I will be talking to you about in this two-part series, is cellular. It’s Quantum – it’s where spirituality and science meet as a powerhouse of healing.

Today, because I am alive and not just surviving after relationship trauma but Thriving beyond my wildest dreams, where I have zero symptoms and am healthier, happier, more confident and safer in my body and life than I have ever been, even before being abused, it’s my life’s mission to educate you about how I healed for real and how you can also.

In this series, I am sharing humble, powerful and authentic accounts from my own life, as well as those of numerous Thrivers within this Community, regarding what our experiences were and how we healed. I want to inspire you, regardless of how bad your trauma symptoms are, and even if you feel that it’s impossible to heal or that it is just too late for you.

I promise you this is just not true.

The conversation this week and next week is so that you can save your soul and life and become the powerful knock-on effect for your children and their children – and for our world.

Before we get started, thank you, everyone, who has subscribed to my channel and for supporting the Thriver Mission, and please know I love hearing from all you beautiful Thrivers and about your breakthroughs. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Okay, let’s move on in!

 

Our Disbelief In How Hard It Is To Heal

Let’s start off by examining the limited ability we have had to heal from intense trauma.

I have met some extremely rare individuals over the years who just seem to be able to ‘get over it’ and move on after terrible abuse. For me, personally, and usually for the hundreds of thousands of people I have met over the last decade, this just wasn’t possible. Generally, extreme emotional wounding and a decreased ability to function is the norm.

Those people who I have seen push the pain down, or compartmentalise it and just carry on, generally have it erupt at a later some stage of life. A very dear friend of mine, after moving on courageously without inner healing from narcissistic abuse as a child, had a breakdown years later whilst in her own loving family – when she had a daughter.

The other people I know who ‘carry on’ have generally kept experiencing reoccurring disappointing events in their outer world. Such as repeat narcissists, or the like; evidence of the shadow – the unmet unconscious trauma becoming conscious by meeting them in real life from the outside – as our shadows do.

As Buddha said, ‘If you want to know what is going on in your inner world, look at your outer world.’

Many of us, after overcoming many terrible things in our life and being able to get up and get on with it again, were shocked to discover just how impactful toxic relationship trauma is, and how it brought us, maybe for the first time ever, to a place where we couldn’t move forward anymore.

This doesn’t have to be intimate partner relationships. It could be with a family member, an authority figure, someone in your workplace, a toxic neighbour, a friend – literally anyone at all.

Regardless of what gender or religion or sexual orientation you are, your age, whether or not the person is still in your life, or even deceased, or whether the abuse happened today or 40 years ago – the trauma may still remain and be living on like a terrible, emotional virus within you.

Please know the result of narcissistic abuse is a shocking dis-ease of our entire Being that can feel unshakeable.

When I first set out to get relief from narcissistic abuse, I was dismayed at how no one had a true healing solution for me.

Doctors and psychologists told me that my Complicated Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD), and many other symptoms, couldn’t be healed and that medication and strategies were needed to try to manage my symptoms. Additionally, I was horrified by so many people in abuse forums reporting their diminished health, life and victimhood.

Some of these people even spoke like this decades after their abuse.

Now, thankfully, having been on the forefront of abuse and trauma recovery for more than a decade, I have met countless people who previously reported the same thing, before, humbly, finding my Thriver Way to heal.

This is what Claire, a fellow NARP member and Thriver said, ‘Until the NARP healing system, there was literally NO help for Narcissistic abuse recovery. I went from therapist to therapist; to spiritual healers, alternative therapy; and the list goes on and on. I tried to help myself learn and understand what had happened to me through research, but no matter how much I learnt I couldn’t get well.’

So many of us who end up in narcissistic abuse recovery astoundingly may have already been doing copious amounts of work on ourselves, or already be in healing or mental health industries. I was a spiritual therapist and teacher for years prior to narcissistic abuse, and I know many of you are into studying and being practitioners of wellbeing, personal development, psychology, counselling or human care services. Yet we still found ourselves in relationships that brought us to our knees.

Why didn’t the learning, studying and therapy change our relationship patterns or take away the pain?

The answer is this: because we weren’t shown how to heal from painful relationship traumas and programs within our Inner Beings. There was not the releasing of our trauma cellularly or the reprogramming of our subconscious painful programs to create us as a New Healed Self.

 

Feeling Like A Failure When Trying To Heal

I really want to acknowledge you. Most people who experience the devastation of toxic individuals and any sort of human relationship abuse are extremely traumatised. Not only are you fighting for your mind, sanity and life, but it is also possible that your finances, security and what and who you care for are under siege too.

Let’s just make this really clear right here, right now – you being in this position is not your fault, and I want you to know that you are NOT a failure.

I know you may be feeling the awful trauma about what you have lost, the time and even years you have wasted, and the torment you’ve put yourself and others who you care about through.

Maybe you are horrified with how you can’t stop going back to the abuse, no matter how terribly you are treated.

And, you are probably in shock that your life has ended up like this – somewhere you never believed you’d be at the age that you are. Add to this, of course, all the compounding feelings of failing because you don’t seem to be getting better.

Or maybe just when you think you might be getting better, you find yourself sliding back down into a deep, dark hole again.

I can’t tell you how often before I discovered how to heal for real, that was my experience – for years.

The fact you are struggling to get healing and resolution with what you are going through is not because you aren’t a productive, high-functioning person. Most of the people I meet in this Community are far from lazy, unintelligent or incapable. They are in fact the exact opposite.

Like my previous self, you may have, after exhausting your own considerable determination and efforts, diligently consulted people who you hoped could help.

I was in psych therapy – lots of it. I was also seeing healers, dieticians, doctors, personality disordered specialists and specialised lawyers, but nothing was helping me get away, stay away, heal and move on with my life.

So many people told me to let go of him. One Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) specialist told me the outcome if I stayed was my death or institutionalisation.

Yet I couldn’t stay away.

Meanwhile, the guilt and shame of who and what my life had become was eating me alive – I completely believed I was hopeless, defective and pathetic.

But this wasn’t true. I wasn’t healing because no one knew the truth about what was really going inside me psychologically, and therefore emotionally and mentally. And nobody was addressing my healing where it needed to be addressed, at the core.

All therapy was doing was the constant reaffirming my painful victim story and how hopeless and helpless I felt.

Please know I don’t want to knock therapists; I have heard of people gaining support and comfort from them. However, this I believe with all my heart: the old models of therapy, talking about the problems and receiving medication, needs updating. And I believe this because unless we are addressing trauma at the core of where it resides, then we are only hoping to try to manage symptoms – hence why there is an ongoing need for so much therapy without any real healing result.

The effective therapists in our world now, are the ones who are working deeply with the body-brain connection and are not just attempting to manage symptoms.

Chelsea, a Community Thriver, shared this: ‘Unfortunately with the psychiatrists, therapists and psychologists I saw, all that was accomplished was similar to putting a band aid on a broken bone. It doesn’t really fix anything. However, when recovery is tackled where the real problems are rooted, the real healing begins.’

Additional to therapy, in amongst all my desperation to try to find an answer to heal, I researched abuse community forums for many hours most nights. I hoped it would help me deal with him, as well as the terrible symptoms I now had, which included severe anxiety, depression, fibromyalgia and agoraphobia as well as CPTSD.

It didn’t. The more knowledge I gained, the angrier and more devastated I got and the more obsessed about him I became. And I still couldn’t stay away.

Tina another NARP Thriver says this about her experience: ‘I kept finding more information on narcissists and the abuse, but I got tired of reading about the abuse and how bad it all was. I just wanted to get over the powerless feeling I felt. This is the secret I never had – focusing on healing ME! I am now free from the despair and happy for the first time in a very long time.’

I know that many of us in this community are spiritual. I am too. I also sought out alternative methods to heal – holistic healers and Life Coaches. I had treatments including Reiki and Crystal Healing sessions. And I was regularly doing meditation, affirmations and journaling.

These things would grant some temporary relief, but the pain and mental obsessions about him came back and still I couldn’t keep away.

I even determinedly tried Law of Attraction on me, my life and even him. But there was no way with my deterioration of health that I was able to override my inner trauma, which assaulted me 24 hours a day, by trying to just ‘think positive’.

Now I know that Law of Attraction was one of the most devastating processes I tried to do. Later I discovered that trying to mentally push through extreme subconscious survival trauma programs by forcing yourself to be ‘positive’ can almost break you into psychosis. There is such a need to first face, hold and release the trauma to make space for a new positive program.

As Bruce Lipton says, ‘If you go to battle with your subconscious and conscious minds, your subconscious will win every time.’ In fact, as I devastatingly discovered, it will make the painful program and trauma more magnified to assert itself.

Of course, this made me feel like even more of a failure.

Okay, so if you are or were like me and you have worked your butt off trying numerous ways to heal from trauma, I want you to write below: ‘This happened to me too sister!’ And maybe you would like to list what you have tried that hasn’t helped, and also share what has.

So now, today, I know the truth – the reason why I wasn’t healing wasn’t because I was a bad person, unintelligent, or broken beyond repair. It was just that no one had ever taught me about inner trauma and painful beliefs, which were hijacking 95% of my brain and nervous systems and hooking me hard onto someone who represented these unmet and unhealed places within me.

This was not my fault. I logically never chose it and I logically had no control over it. These toxic binds were being driven by forces much more powerful than my conscious self. Will power was useless in the face of this – as was mere information and strategies.

What was needed was a deep, cellular shift directly in the core of where these deep powerful forces were playing out. And when I achieved that, I promise you none of my powerless, enmeshed, addicted, victimised self remained. And all my trauma dis-ease and symptoms completely left me. I am healed and whole and free of all of them, and have been for a long time.

Please know if this has been your struggle too, it doesn’t mean that you can’t heal and that you are doomed to suffer these terrible traumas, battling your symptoms indefinitely or for life – it just means that you haven’t, just like I hadn’t at this stage, understood the truth yet.

 

The Real Truth About Healing

I really want you to know what contemporary medicine and abuse forums say that is not the truth. They are telling you that you are sentenced to struggle with abuse symptoms and a diminished life. With all my heart I promise you this is NOT true.

It is totally NOT true that CPTSD, agoraphobia, adrenal malfunction or fibromyalgia are unhealable conditions that you will have for life; and that you will need constant medication and therapy. What is true is that when you find and release the traumas from your subconscious – which is generating these conditions – they simply melt away.

A Thriver member called PP shares this: ‘As a result of my abusive relationship, I acquired fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, osteoporosis, bruxism, insomnia and sleep deprivation, and then some. The Thriver healing system is the only one I have found that addresses the inner energetic component and effects of narcissistic abuse. Without this Program I doubt whether a person could ever fully recover and truly make the turnaround from survivor to Thriver. This is exactly the healing and approach I have needed for so long.’ Myself and tens of thousands of people in this Community are living proof of this.

Now let’s look at the science behind why subconscious healing systems works.

 

What Neuro-Science Has Now Discovered

I love what the scientific community is now proving regarding trauma and the body-brain connection, because it completely backs and supports the Thriver Recovery process.

Bessel Van Der Kolt, a Dutch Psychiatrist who is a forefront expert on the understanding of trauma, states that the logical part of our brain doesn’t have the ability to communicate with our brain’s limbic and internal nervous systems, where our trauma experiences reside, and therefore talk therapy is ineffectual to deal with it. It’s only through taking our attention within to our visceral emotional experience that we can hope to overcome trauma.

The starting point focus of the Thriver Way to heal is self-partnering. Every healing takes you into your inner world in theta brainwaves to bypass your logical brain and enter your subconscious, visceral feelings and internal programs.

Then the healing work is done with processes that communicate directly with your subconscious – your cellular inner self.

I want you to imagine this analogy: you are looking at a closed car hood and trying to imagine what the mechanical problem is that is going on inside the engine.

If you don’t go inside, firstly you will never know what the real issue is – you are only guessing. And secondly, if you don’t go inside you will never fix your ‘self’ and the problem will remain.

Regarding our trauma, talking, thinking and researching amounts to exactly this – lots of contention and absolutely no healing.

Bruce Lipton is an internationally recognised cellular biologist and bestselling author. He explains that as adults, our life is already programmed by our previous emotional experiences that generated belief systems in relation to these.

Bruce says that by the time we are around 35 years of age, our logical mind has only a 5% capacity of changing who we are, therefore regardless of how much we learn, research or talk about our life, we don’t break out of the patterns which aren’t serving us. Only going inward to reprogram our subconscious, which is in control of 95% of our life, does this.

He also explains that our subconscious programs control 40 billion bits per second of information that we process in relation to our life experiences, whereas our logical mind processes a teeny 40 bits per second. This is why it is impossible to think our way out of our painful emotional experiences, which are generating our feelings, thoughts and choices as well as who and what we connect to and stay attached to.

If, for example, we have painful internal trauma that has generated the subconscious belief, ‘People I love hurt me, leave me, replace me, betray me (the list of course may go on)’, these are the people and experiences we continue to make true in our life with the power of 95% of our Being directing this – no matter what we try to think and learn.

In Part Two of this series, I will share with you how I was given the codes and the ways through an information download – how to access the subconscious, find these traumas and associated beliefs, load them up and release them. Our logical mind has no ability or way to do this.

You will learn also how we can change our emotional programs directly at our core, often instantly, so that we are no longer the Old Self operating from the Old Program. Instead we are freed onto the trajectory of more empowered, whole and conscious reactions and decisions that do serve us.

Joe Dispenza is a scientist and researcher on the leading edge of neuroscience, epigenetics and quantum physics. He teaches us that our brain follows our body – meaning our mind thinks in alignment with our inner subconscious programs and does not have access to a healthier path until we create a shift on the inside of ourselves.

Therefore, once we change our inner subconscious programs, how we think, which is our level of consciousness, will automatically reflect this.

One of the most powerful ways I have found to produce a shift is to enlist a Higher Power force to fill the space where the released trauma once was.

If we were just to release trauma, then in its place we would have an emptiness; a bewilderment about who we are and what is next in our lives. Yet when we fill the space where the trauma was with our SuperConscious, then we have the best teacher embodied within us.

We literally become Infinite intelligence which knows how to be for the greater good, firstly for self and then as an outflow, benefitting all of life and others in divine, powerful, yet graceful and healthy ways.

You may think of this as your Higher Power (whatever your Higher Power means to you). To you this may be God, or The Universe or Creation or even Lifeforce.

This Higher Self element is what many contemporary and even some energetic healing processes miss, and it’s one that many Quantum Healers do enlist. Honestly, I don’t believe we have any ability to heal the unthinkable – which is what narcissistic abuse truly is – unless we pull on a force, this Infinite, which does this so powerfully.

This Higher Self aspect – to midwife a shift from the Old Self into your True Self to help bring through the breakdown of the Old Order to the breakthrough of your highest potential New Order in record time, with maximum potency – is a big part of my healing process and occurs multiple times in every healing that you do in NARP.

This is what Lakiira said about this, ‘During the first healing, it felt like magic but it’s science. I knew that I was touching on something spiritual and a Higher Power was involved, because the feeling of emptiness I had always felt had shifted. I was coming home to myself. I believe 100% in the power of Quantum Healing, and I hope everyone can be free from emotional trauma by opening up to receive this energy and love.’

Okay, so I’m going to leave this very important discussion here at this point. I think we have had enough to feel into and talk about for now.

As well as what I mentioned before, next week we are going to investigate the Science of the Observer Effect, Quantum Consciousness, the truth about our genes and our ability to create ourselves and our Life anew, even from severe trauma symptoms and even if trauma is all we have ever known.

I’m also going to share with you the three specific Quantum keys I discovered to achieve full Thriver Healing status and my experiences when channelling, creating and applying Quanta Freedom Healing.

Please know if you don’t want to wait until next week and want to dive on in and start ‘going Quantum’, you can do so by clicking this link.  My free 16-day course will explain so much to you – things that will make perfect sense about your healing journey.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

So, thank you for your presence and attention regarding this fascinating Quantum Healing conversation. I can’t wait to share the conclusion of this series with you next week.

As always, I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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What a Rebound Relationship Is and How to Avoid Them

What a Rebound Relationship Is and How to Avoid Them

The chance of a rebound relationship having long-term potential is slim because it will take time for you to heal from your breakup so that you don’t bring baggage into your new relationship.

The post What a Rebound Relationship Is and How to Avoid Them appeared first on Divorce Magazine.

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Do You Know The Difference Between a Codependent & Interdependent Relationship?

Do You Know The Difference Between a Codependent & Interdependent Relationship?

I was surprised to learn that this grove of Aspen trees is actually one organism, sharing one root system. Each of us also is an interconnected community of 70 trillion cells.

Biologist Bruce Lipton believes that together we’re “one collaborative superorganism.” I love that Facebook allows us to connect one-to-one all over the planet. For the movie: click here.

Society is highly specialized and interdependent so that few of us would know how to survive without running water, electricity, and a supermarket. We’re also dependent upon our personal relationships. Human brains aren’t fully developed for 18 years, and psychological and financial independence from our parents takes even longer.

Moreover, as adults, we depend upon others to fill sexual, social, and emotional needs, such as friendship, communication, nurturing, appreciation, learning, love, and touch. The closer a relationship, the more we’re interconnected.

The Debate

Many claim that because we’re wired for dependency and that “codependency” is normal and shouldn’t be considered a problem to correct. They claim it’s not only natural but healthy and beneficial to be dependent upon an intimate relationship. They blame the codependency movement for breaking up marriages and people’s loneliness. I agree that we all have dependency needs and that healthy relationships can meet those needs and greatly benefit us.

However, codependency’s detractors don’t understand – probably from lack of personal experience – that codependents don’t reap those relationship benefits. Often they’re in unhealthy relationships, and they relate to others in unhealthy ways with patterns of obsession, self-sacrifice, dysfunctional communication, and control, which are both self-destructive and hurtful to others. They’re often abusive or allow themselves to be abused.

Codependent & Interdependent Relationships

Codependent Couples

Codependent couples are usually out-of-balance. Frequently, there are struggles for power and control. There may be an imbalance of power or one partner has taken on responsibilities for the other. They’re anxious, resentful, and feel guilty and responsible for their partner’s needs, feelings and moods, and even at times, behavior. Then they try to control one another to feel okay and get their own needs met. Rather than respect each other’s separateness and individuality, they can’t tolerate disagreement and appease or blame one another without taking responsibility for themselves. Often, what they dislike in their partner is the very thing they can’t accept in themselves.

Despite their pain, they can feel trapped in the relationship because they fear that they can’t function on their own. Some codependent marriages are cooperative and not abusive. Generally, one or both spouses are tip-toeing around the other. There’s no drama, but no passion either, because real intimacy is sacrificed. Their mutual codependency and insecurity make intimacy threatening, since being honest and known risks rejection or dissolution of their fragile self.

Like the Aspen trees, on the surface each may appear to be physically and even mentally and emotionally independent, yet, at an unconscious level, they’re two insecure adults dependent upon each other to express a whole. For instance, a woman who has trouble expressing anger marries an angry man who expresses it for her. Or a man who is extremely closed and shy marries a woman who’s emotionally open and gregarious.

They need each other to express their full humanity. In other cases, it’s more obvious that one partner needs the other for emotional stability, as in the case of alcoholic relationships. Financial dependence doesn’t necessarily create codependence, where the dependent partner has good self-esteem and emotional support outside the marriage.  Even spouses who appear more capable and stronger may be equally dependent on the relationship. They need someone to care for in order to feel needed, worthwhile, and not alone, while their other partner feels valued by receiving. Successful narcissists can be very dependent. They need someone to adore and look up to them.

Interdependent Couples

What makes interconnections healthy is interdependency – not codependency.  Paradoxically, interdependency requires two people capable of autonomy – the ability to function independently. When couples love each other, it’s normal to feel attached, desire closeness, be concerned for one another, and to depend upon each other. Their lives are intertwined, and they’re affected by and need each other. However, they share power equally and take responsibility for their own feelings and actions and contribution to the relationship.

Because they have self-esteem, they can manage their thoughts and feelings on their own and don’t have to control someone else to feel okay. They can allow for each others’ differences and honor one another’s separateness. Thus, they’re not afraid to be honest and can listen to their partner’s feelings and needs without feeling guilty or becoming defensive.  Since their self-esteem doesn’t depend upon their partner, they don’t fear intimacy, and independence doesn’t threaten the relationship. In fact, the relationship gives them each more freedom. There’s mutual respect and support for one another’s personal goals, but both are committed to the relationship.

The post Do You Know The Difference Between a Codependent & Interdependent Relationship? appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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7 Signs Of Manipulation In a Relationship

7 Signs Of Manipulation In a Relationship

Have you been asked to do things you don’t want to do, things that put you in an uncomfortable situation or left you feeling unsettled?

Maybe even asked to do things that go against your values? And when they make the ask, maybe the other person made light of it (like it’s not a big deal) or they brought up your relationship with them and how if you truly cared about them you would do it for them. Often you end up doing as they wish in fear of losing the relationship with that person.

Manipulators prey on innocent people, especially individuals who have no boundaries or who have codependent patterns.

When we don’t realize we are being manipulated we have no defense.

Watch this video to learn how to spot the 7 signs of manipulation in a relationship, many of which are often overlooked.

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emotional abandonment

Emotional Abandonment: When Your Needs Are Being Met In a Relationship

emotional abandonment

 

We may not realize that we’re feeling emotionally abandoned or that we did as a child. We may be unhappy, but can’t put our finger on what it is. People tend to think of abandonment as something physical, like neglect. They also may not realize that loss of physical closeness due to death, divorce, and illness is often felt as an emotional abandonment. However, emotional abandonment has nothing to do with proximity. It can happen when the other person is lying right beside us – when we can’t connect, and our emotional needs aren’t being met in the relationship.

Emotional Needs

Often we aren’t aware of our emotional needs and just feel that something’s missing. But we have many emotional needs in intimate relationships. They include the following needs:

  • To be listened to and understood.
  • To be nurtured
  • To be appreciated
  • To be valued
  • To be accepted
  • For affection
  • For love
  • For companionship

Consequently, if there is high conflictabuse, addiction, or infidelity, these emotional needs go unmet. Sometimes, infidelity is a symptom of emotional abandonment in the relationship – by one or both partners. Additionally, addiction may be used to avoid closeness. If one partner is addicted, the other may feel neglected, because the addiction comes first and consumes the addict’s attention, preventing him or her from being present.

Causes of Emotional Abandonment

Yet even in a healthy relationship, there are periods, days, and even moments of emotional abandonment that may be caused by:

  • Intentionally withholding communication or affection
  • External stressors, including the demands of parenting
  • Illness
  • Conflicting work schedules
  • Lack of mutual interests and time spent together
  • Preoccupation and self-centeredness
  • Lack of healthy communication
  • Unresolved resentment
  • Fear of intimacy

When couples don’t share common interests or work/sleep schedules, one or both may feel abandoned. They have to make an extra effort to spend time talking about their experiences and intimate feelings with each other to keep the relationship fresh and alive.

More harmful are unhealthy communication patterns that may have developed, where one or both partners doesn’t share openly, listen with respect, and respond with interest to the other. When we feel ignored or that our partner doesn’t understand or care about what we’re communicating, then there’s a chance that eventually we stop talking to him or her.

Walls begin to build and we can begin living separate lives emotionally. Signs are if we talk more to our friends or a relative than to our partner or are disinterested in sex or spending time together.

Resentments easily develop in relationships especially when hurt or anger isn’t expressed. As a result, we may either pull away emotionally, put up walls, or push our partner away with criticism or undermining comments. Unexpressed hurt and needs lead to more disappointment and resentment.

Denial or shame about our feelings and needs usually stems from emotional abandonment in childhood and can cause communication and intimacy problems. Usually, this fear isn’t conscious. In counseling, couples are able to talk about their ambivalence, which allows them to grow closer. Sometimes, abandoning behavior occurs after a period of closeness or sex. One partner may physically withdraw or create distance by not talking or even by talking too much. Either way, it may leave the other person feeling alone and abandoned.

Emotional Abandonment In Childhood

Good parenting provides children security that they’re loved and accepted for their unique self by both parents and that both parents want a relationship with them. Parental failure to validate their feelings and needs is a trauma of emotional abandonment. Often clients tell me that they felt that their family didn’t understand them, that they felt different from the rest of the family or like an outsider. What is being described is the trauma of invisibility.

This can also happen when parent-child interactions revolve around the parent, the child is serving the parent’s needs, instead of the other way around, which is a form of abandonment. Even if a parent says, “I love you,” the child may still not feel close and accepted for who he or she is as a separate individual, apart from the parent.

Emotional abandonment in childhood can happen in infancy if the primary caretaker, usually the mother, is unable to be present emotionally for her baby. It’s often because she’s replicating her own childhood experience, but it may also be due to stress or depression. It’s important for a baby’s emotional development that the mother attunes to her child’s feelings and needs and reflects them back.

She may be preoccupied, cold, or unable to empathize with her baby’s success or upsetting emotions. He or she then ends up feeling alone, rejected, or deflated. The reverse is also true – where a parent gives a child a lot of attention but isn’t attuned to what the child actually needs.

In addition to situations where a parent is physically absent or doesn’t share in parenting, abandonment happens later, too, when children are criticized, controlled, unfairly treated, or otherwise given a message that they or their experience is unimportant or wrong. Children are vulnerable, and it doesn’t take much for a child to feel hurt and “abandoned.” Abandonment can also occur when a parent confides in a child or expects him or her to take on age-inappropriate responsibilities. At those moments, the children must suppress their feelings and needs in order to meet the needs of the adult.

A few incidents of emotional abandonment don’t harm children’s healthy development, but when they’re common occurrences, they affect children’s sense of self and security and can cause internalized shame that leads to intimacy issues and codependency in adult relationships.

As adults, we may be emotionally unavailable or attracted to someone who is. We risk continuing a cycle of abandonment that replicates our abandoning relationships and be easily triggered to feel abandoned. For an in-depth examination of this process and how to heal, see Conquering Shame and Codependency: 8 Steps to Freeing the True You.

Couples counseling can bring couples together to enjoy more closeness, heal from abandonment, and change their behavior.

The post Emotional Abandonment: When Your Needs Are Being Met In a Relationship appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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How Do You Know If You

How Do You Know If You’re Ready For a New Relationship After Divorce?

How Do You Know If You're Ready For a New Relationship

 

You’ve been out of the dating scene for a long time. You’ve also just gone through the stress of divorce. You want to date and possibly build a new relationship with a member of the opposite sex.

Knowing when to date after divorce means you must know yourself and your relationship patterns. It also means being ready mentally, emotionally and physically.

Are you ready?

How do you know you are ready for a new relationship, though?

Attitude is Everything When Dating After Divorce

There are people who allow the end of their marriage to destroy them. They hold onto painful feelings, resentment, and fear of spending the rest of their lives stuck in the past. Others refuse to give in to the negative feelings by working through the process in a pro-active way.

These people find that divorce is not only an ending but also a new beginning. They don’t live life based on what was done to them in the past but, on what is possible for them in the future. They are the ones who thrive and survive and find fulfilling new relationships after divorce. So, before you consider a new relationship put on a positive attitude about what you’ve been through!

Personal Growth Precedes New Relationships After Divorce

There is no greater motivator than emotional pain when it comes to taking stock and gaining needed insights into one’s own quirks and negative behaviors.

People who are able to move on to rich, rewarding lives and healthy relationships after divorce don’t allow anger and resentment to keep them from finding a better way of living.

It takes determination and a willingness to heal old wounds before you are ready for a new relationship. Owning the role you played in the demise of your marriage, working to make needed adjustments in the way you interact in a relationship gives you a better chance at succeeding in your next relationship.

There Are Lessons to Be Learned Before Dating After Divorce

No one is blameless when it comes to divorce. Take responsibility for your mistakes. If you don’t you will carry the same mixed up perceptions and “baggage” into the next relationship.

Examine your expectations of what a relationship should be and work at identifying any skewed beliefs you have. Work on correcting negative issues you have and then get on with your life. Just remember, the pain is there for a reason. Don’t let the lesson you need to learn to get away from you.

Forgiveness is for You Not the One You Forgive

Any anger and resentment you have toward your ex will linger until you are able to forgive them. I know that is easier said than done but, forgiveness is given so that you can empty your heart of any negative emotions. Negative emotions that will affect you emotionally, spiritually, mentally and physically if you hold on to them.

Until you can let go of old resentments, you have nothing to offer in a new relationship. So, drop the “baggage” and get on with your life. Lighten your load by forgiving what was done to you. You don’t have to forget it, that would be letting your guard down and opening yourself to bad treatment in future relationships.

Forgiving is about ridding yourself of negative feelings that hold you back from being able to engage in a new relationship with a clean slate.

Your Marriage is Dead Not You

Divorce marks the end of a marriage. Mourn the loss and then lay it to rest. You are still very much alive. Your heart still beats and your soul still yearns for an attachment to another.

Your marriage may be dead but you are alive and kicking. Nurture your heart and soul by treating the ending of your marriage as a new beginning. An opportunity to grow, hold yourself responsible and practice the art of forgiveness. If you can do these things you will find that love the next time around will be better than you thought possible.

The post How Do You Know If You’re Ready For a New Relationship After Divorce? appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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financial issues ruining your relationship

Are Financial Issues Ruining Your Relationship?

financial issues ruining your relationship

 

Financial issues tend to be the number one reason behind relationship problems and divorce. Many couples want to sweep the subject under the rug rather than meeting this important subject head-on. There are fewer conflicts when it comes to budgeting, spending, and saving when couples work on understanding each other’s relationship to money.

Unfortunately, many couples think that leaving their financial baggage at the door is the answer to avoiding conflict. The reality is that couples need to be open and honest with one another regarding their financial expectations and spending habits. Putting off dealing with money issues will only create deeper wounds that lead to trust issues and ultimately breakups.

The good news is that if you discuss these issues early on, money problems don’t have to develop into a major relationship hurdle. In fact, the more you and your partner communicate about ‘difficult’ subjects like money, the closer you will become. Learning how to work together to resolve money problems and save for a promising future will only strengthen your partnership for the long haul.

Make sure to approach the subject of finances with an open mind.  Realize that both of you have different views about how money should be handled.

Try this 5 step process to effectively address financial issues ruining your relationship:

Step 1: Lay it all out in the open

It’s important to show your partner just how much money you are responsible for managing. Look at debts, loans, credit lines, investments, and accounts.  A successful relationship is one where both partners can be open with each other, so don’t be afraid to bring out your credit card and loan statements. If something happened to you, your partner would need to understand everything that you’ve been managing. Hiding things now will only lead to bigger issues down the road.

Step 2: Determine who manages money best

Often times, there is one person in every relationship that is better at dealing with money.  That person is often the one who regularly tracks their spending, has the best credit rating, and doesn’t hesitate to open bills and make sure things get paid on time. This person should be designated the relationship “money manager”.

Step 3: Define spending boundaries

Decide together on an amount of money that each of you can spend without consulting the other. Let’s say the amount is $500. If a purchase is over $500, then you agree to make a joint decision about that item. You may also feel more comfortable having one joint account that you both contribute to for household bills and two individual accounts for personal spending.

Decide what makes the most sense to you based on the number of accounts you want to manage and how you tend to spend money. For example, if one of you spends down whatever is in the account each month, and the other always leaves extra, your spending and saving styles may benefit from having individual personal accounts.

Step 4: Create a backup fund

Decide how much you’ll set aside from each of your paychecks to be used as an emergency savings account. Discuss what kind of emergencies you might expect to draw from the account for. Determine if you would like to consult each other first before using any emergency funds.

Step 5: Discuss future financial situations

Consider the birth of a child, job changes, parents who need care, and retirement expectations. For example, it’s important to discuss whether one partner will stay home after the birth of a child. Or what will happen should someone lose their job?  Would you consider taking in a sick parent and providing a caretaking role? What ages do you expect to retire? Always communicate about possibilities so you are ready for whatever setback or life change may come your way.

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