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get rid of your divorce panic

Ready To Get Rid Of Your Divorce Panic?

get rid of your divorce panic

 

It was hard to concentrate, or even function.

Hard to fall asleep at night, hard to pay attention at work, and no matter what I did to try and distract myself, the sheer panic and chaos followed me around all the time.

“Ohmigod. I have no idea what do to. Will I ever get through this?”

“I have no idea where I’m going to be in a month, much less a year. How the hell can I plan for anything?”

“Everything is crumbling around me and I’m terrified.”

Divorce is one of the most stressful life events that a person experiences. One of the main reasons it’s such a nightmare is because it somehow manages to hold us hostage with the stress and fear. It makes us unable to move, to think, to function. You don’t know what’s going to happen to you, your kids, and your way of life, and you think you’ll never make it through or be happy again.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. I remember waking up one day after another restless night, and something just clicked. A frustrated voice inside me said,

“What are you so afraid of, and why have you not taken steps to counter it?”

Get Rid Of Your Divorce Panic

And that is where this fear-blasting exercise was born. When you feel like you’re going off the deep-end with fear of not knowing do the following:

Write down all of the things you’re feeling afraid of—the sources of our fear-based stress.

Be completely honest. No fear or concern is ever irrational, stupid, or unreasonable. Some of my own fears included…

  • I will have to move out of the marital home—the only one I’ve known for years.
  • I won’t be able to afford a long and drawn out divorce.
  • I will have to put the lawyer fees on my credit card
  • My savings will be wiped out and that I’ll have to cash out my 401k to pay for all of this.
  • My family will judge me
  • My friends will shun me
  • I will be alone and don’t know what to do
  • I am afraid to start over.
  • I am afraid of never being happy again.

Now comes the part that takes some work, but it’s the best part. Under each fear, write down a solution. This step shows the truth—that you have the power to beat those fears and calm down that stress you feel. I’ve provided a few examples of possible solutions:

I will have to move out of the marital home—the only one I’ve known for years.

“If I want to stay here, I am going to speak with my attorney to see what my options are to remain. I will look at the budget to see if this is possible, but if it is not, I know I have plenty of options for other housing. I also know that I am the one who has the memories in my heart and that I, along with my children, are still a home and can create our own memories, wherever you are.”

I won’t be able to afford a long and drawn out divorce.

“I do not want to spend tens of thousands of dollars on a divorce. If my spouse and I are on speaking terms, I will examine options for using divorce mediation, which could help prevent long expensive court battles. I will also research my options and ask around to find a good divorce attorney that uses a conciliatory problem-solving approach, instead of a belligerent gladiator one. I may also speak with a financial adviser to help with the financial side, and I could talk to a divorce coach, who could possibly help with money-saving ideas.”

My savings will be wiped out and that I’ll have to cash out my 401k to pay for all of this.

“If I am working with an attorney, I will look into possible payment plans. I may also seek pro-bono help or find divorce legal clinics that can help minimize costs. I will focus on the big picture. If I don’t want to wipe out my savings fighting in court, I will learn how to choose my battles so I can move on with my life.”

My family will judge me

“I will be honest and ask for their support, but I do not have to surround myself with people who will make me feel worse about the situation. If I am afraid of this, I will work with a therapist, who can help me create boundaries with my family and help me grieve in a healthy way.”

I will be alone and don’t know what to do

“I may feel alone because I’m no longer with my spouse, but I will find a great support system—there are support groups, online groups, friends who care about me. I will not be afraid to ask for help. I will be kind to myself, patient with myself, and realize I don’t have to do everything at once. “

As you can see, once you start doing this exercise for ourselves, you will notice that neutralizing fears go beyond just giving yourselves a pep-talk. This exercise can help you start taking action. And when you take action against those fears, they no longer become the things that will keep you up at night—instead, they become the logical courses of action—merely things on a to-do list—that you will accomplish because, despite our panic and fear right now, you are a hell of a lot stronger than you realize.

Facing and beating our divorce fears and learning how to counter them may not be fun or easy, but in the end, learning those strategies will help diminish our stress so you can think clearly, move on with our lives, and get back to being happy.

The post Ready To Get Rid Of Your Divorce Panic? appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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What Makes Narcissists Irresistible And How To Rid Your Cravings For Them

What Makes Narcissists Irresistible And How To Rid Your Cravings For Them

 

The pull we have towards narcissists is OFF the planet!

Even when they are hurting us SO much that it’s literally killing us, we usually stay connected …

Hoping they will wake up … change … get it … and stop doing what they are doing to us.

But they don’t.

If we can’t stop the cravings for a narcissist, just like anything in our life that is destroying us, they continue to do so.

Piece by piece by piece.

So how do we release ourselves from the cravings?

How do we get away, stay away and get on with the creation of our healthy abuse-free lives?

In today’s Thriver TV episode, I’m going to explain the REAL reason why we have such intense cravings for narcissists, as well as share with you what no one else is talking about – namely exactly how to heal beyond these cravings and get free and well, once and for all.

 

 

Video Transcript

Have you been treated horrifically by someone and yet can’t let go of them, no matter how much you are being damaged and destroyed by them?

Have you been anguished about WHY you just can’t get away and stay away, and can’t seem to stop yourself trying to fix things and be with this person?

You are not alone. Ex-heroin addicts have told me that it is harder to give up a narcissist than it is heroin.

In today’s episode, I’m going to explain to you why narcissists are so addictive, and why they get their hooks into you in all-consuming ways, as well as why it is so hard to let go of your cravings for them.

And, I’m also going to explain exactly how the Thriver Way to heal will get you up and out of this severe addiction, no matter how much it’s had its hold over you. And, I’m thrilled today to explain to you how the Thriver Way to heal is the true solution to getting away and completely free from narcissistic relationships, in ways that no one else is talking about.

Now… just before we take this deep dive, I want to remind you to subscribe to my channel if you haven’t already and leave a Like if you enjoy this video.

Okay so to get started … today’s Thriver TV lesson contains stories that you may deeply relate to.

 

Being Invalidated and Abused

Joseph was brought up in a family with a narcissistic mother who continually shut down his opinions, voice, and dreams and guilted and bullied him into doing everything she believed he should do, namely cater exactly to her needs and wants.

When Joseph met Barbara, he felt an instant connection and desire for her. She seemed so lovely, beautiful and attentive towards him. Not long after their relationship started, Joseph discovered she was selfish and disinterested in his preferences, invalidated his opinions and belittled him in public.

Despite this hurting Joseph greatly he was convinced that he deeply loved her and wanted to marry her. He did this, and afterward, her controlling, nasty nature intensified.

 

Being Invisible and Dismissed

Then there was Angela whose father was always absent, and who showed her very little attention. Nothing she could ever do would make him spend time with her or lovingly connect to her. Angela’s entire childhood was spent trying to win love and approval from her father.

When Angela met Mike, she felt his interest in her and almost instantly started a relationship with him.

Not long after Mike was much less caring. In fact, he seemed to be losing interest and even pulling away. Yet Angela felt incredibly in love with him and hung on for any crumbs of love or attention that she could get.

 

Being Bonded to Our Wounds

Despite feeling incredible pain and anxiety, and even when Joseph and Angela’s friends and peers would view their relationships and wonder why on earth these two were putting up with the way they were being treated, Angela and Mike were mesmerised, making excuses and terribly hooked to their partners.

So much so that they couldn’t even begin to imagine having a relationship with anyone else, despite knowing how much anxiety and depression they continually felt.

As you are watching this video, I want you to check in with yourself now. Are you going through this too? Do you feel in love with, or as if you can’t disconnect from the person who is hurting you greatly? If so, pause this video, and please let me know in your comment below.

Okay, let’s investigate. What is REALLY going on here?

Why is this the usual plight of being in a relationship with a narcissist? Finding them completely irresistible despite their horrible behaviour, and when trying to leave them and stay away, finding the cravings to reconnect almost unbearable to not give in to.

There is ONLY one true answer for this … unfinished internal business.

And it has nothing to do with the narcissist. The narcissist is only the catalyst. It actually has everything to do with ourselves.

The unfinished business is our unhealed, underdeveloped wounds that create the continuation of our already existing traumas with the people we choose, who choose us, to continue playing these traumas out with.

Narcissists fit this bill exactly. They appear as being the bringer of the healing to our unresolved traumas. Yet as time goes on, we discover they are in fact the messenger of our wounds. They smash our unhealed parts so hard that what was once unconscious within us, that we were surviving in our life as our ‘normal’, becomes so front and centre and painful that it fully gets our attention.

With Joseph, his traumas generated from his childhood were, ‘I’m unimportant. To survive and minimise being damaged I must give the woman I love what she wants and vanish myself and my needs completely’.

Joseph’s Inner Love Code is set on this belief and superglued in place with a ton of emotional energy (trauma), which has cemented this belief in place.

As far as Joseph’s Inner Being is concerned, his chemical attraction to women will be exactly the match for that belief, and he will be as bonded, attached and addicted to such a woman as the ‘right fit’ for his Love Code, as any drug addict would with the drug that brings the reality of their self-destructive Inner Identity.

The painful choice and enmeshment with an abusive partner or a drug (or any substance or pastime that is self-destructive) is NOT the real issue. It is a symptom of something deeper.

If Joseph does somehow extricate himself from this relationship (generally only after horrid abuse), or if Barbara discards him, then his unhealed Inner Love Code will line him up again with another woman who represents the same belief.

Angela’s Inner Love Code of ‘the man I love abandons me, and I am unworthy of his love’ means that she is starving for love and attention, just as a parched woman in a desert is dying of thirst.

Naturally, as soon as she does receive attention, she is prone to attach frenetically, only to be bonded to a man who provides the same trauma that she experienced in her childhood. Again, her subconscious programming is extremely literal, it simply connects her to the people and conditions to re-create, over and over, the validity of her Inner Love Code to the letter.

Again, because Angela has a great deal of traumatic energy connected to this painful belief, it has a powerful life of its own within her Inner Identity.

 

The Craving For the Bringers of Our Wounds and How To Reverse It

The craving part that we all suffer with narcissists is this: Unconsciously we want a source of the same trauma to do it differently this time. And if we stay looking outwards, trying to lecture, prescribe, love enough, support, or use any method whatsoever to fix and change the person who is hurting us, we are hanging out in Wrong Town.

So, what is the answer to break the narcissist’s irresistible hold and our cravings for them?

There is only one answer, change our Inner Love Code.

How do we do this?

Firstly, let me assure you that you can’t do this logically.

Both Joseph and Angela may decide they deserve different treatment from their partners, yet no matter how much they THINK this, they will not have the inner resources to generate it.

The idea of who they need to be to deserve different treatment is not going to convert into real life anchored action because their feelings and thought processes are always going to default back to the inner subconscious programs, which some neuroscientists believe are controlling up to ninety-five percent of our entire life by the time we reach thirty years of age.

The brain follows the body! We can only ever think within the level of consciousness of our already existing trauma. Therefore, we make excuses, we suffer cognitive dissonance, and we keep finding all sorts of insane ways to keep handing our power away to abusers and enabling their abuse of us, whilst hoping they will change.

Our brain is always going to organise itself in a way that will agree with the validity and unfold more of the reality of our Inner Love Code.

Understanding this means we now know that the only change must happen within ourselves. The first step to achieving that is realising it’s the traumatic emotional energy connected with the belief that grants its life-force and power inside us.

Hence to change our subconscious beliefs, releasing the related trauma is the key! And this is why Quanta Freedom Healing, the healing component in NARP, was created to take us inwards to locate these traumas, load them up, release them and bring in Source, our super-conscious Higher Self to fill the space where the previous traumas were.

This creates a shift which heals what the logical mind has no ability to heal. This is exactly how I and so many other Thrivers in this Community have changed our Internal Love Codes.

 

The Shift From Trauma Bonding To Freedom From Abusers

Let’s examine Joseph’s Quantum Healing progress. Joseph came to NARP because he realised he was married to a narcissist and being terribly abused but felt powerless to stop loving her and let go.

Within two months of working NARP Modules, Joseph found his Inner Love Code original traumas and painful beliefs, released and reprogrammed them and started organically rising into his deservedness, power and boundaries. He stated what he would and wouldn’t tolerate any more to Barbara. True to narcissistic form she upped her ante and tried to smash him even harder.

Because Joseph was no longer stuck in his previous Inner Identity programs and had shifted to much more powerful self-honouring ones, his feelings of addiction and craving to her were completely gone. He now found her behaviour intolerable and unpalatable, and Joseph separated successfully from her with strong boundaries in place.

Now let’s check out what happened with Angela. She has been in therapy for years regarding her absent relationship with her father and her pattern of falling in love with unavailable men, yet felt powerless to let go of Mike. (It’s so important to understand that no matter what we learn logically, our Inner Being trapped in trauma remains set on a trajectory no matter what we think or even ‘learn’, hence why logical therapy is often completely ineffective for trauma recovery.)

After Mike went missing and made no contact with Angela for a week, and she suspected he was a pathological lying narcissist seeing other women, she joined up and started healing with NARP.

When Angela tracked the trauma she was feeling over Mike, back into her subconscious programs (which NARP teaches you how to do) she was able to find, release and reprogram her Inner Love Code. Not long after that she easily rejected Mike when he tried to hoover her back in.

Feelings of love and longing had shifted to feelings of repulsion. Because of her dedicated inner work with NARP, Angela was free of any attraction to Mike and KNEW deep in her Being that she deserved real commitment and devotion from a man, which he clearly couldn’t grant her.

Seven months later after easily and solidly rejecting some unavailable men whilst dating (which was her ‘graduation’ in REAL time), Angela met Gary who she is now married to. He is devoted, committed, and her Inner Identity easily accepts his love because this is a match for her Inner Love Code now.

Previously Angela could simply NOT have been matched up with a man like this. Her subconscious programs would never have permitted it.

Does this make sense? Is the penny dropping? I can assure you the acceleration in people’s healing, and recovery to Thriver status starts to happen incredibly when they get this, what I’ve shared with you today, and start working on their Inner Love Code with NARP to heal it.

To find out more about this, I’d love to invite you over to connect to my Thriver Community with my free 16-day course, which includes a free Quanta Freedom Healing with me, where you can start releasing the cravings and regain your life immediately. To get started, click the link this link.

And, if you liked this video, click the Like button, and if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And please share with your communities, so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

And as always, I’d love to love to answer your comments and questions below.

 

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