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Divorce’s Emotional Impact on Family

Divorce’s Emotional Impact on Family Roles

Divorce’s Emotional Impact on Family

 

Roles within a family and the early relationships we craft will impact us emotionally through the rest of our lives. Unfortunately, the relationship between two parents and divorce specifically can negatively affect the people that you both care about most, your children.

Divorce’s Emotional Impact on Family Roles

Typical family roles are changing, even without considering divorce as a primary factor in most relationships. The American Community Survey found in a 2009 study that only about 45.8% of children would make it to 17-years-old with their biological parents still married. That means that about half of children will live through the divorce of their parents.

Impacts of Divorce on Children

The driving concern for everyone involved in a divorce is the impact on the children. But, there’s more at play than who spends more time with whom. The emotional impact of children can vary wildly based on three aspects.

First, the relationship with each of the parents. If one child was always closer with their mother, then they may immediately, and completely of their own accord, see the other partner as the “bad guy.”

Second is the extent of the conflict. Have you and your partner reached a consensus that the marriage isn’t worth salvaging or that the damage is irreparable? Or, have you gone through months of screaming matches, cursing, throwing objects across the home and worse? The extent of the conflict can either show children that through emotional intelligence, you can end a bad relationship civilly or that a relationship must go through levels of toxicity before anyone can leave.

Third, the parent’s ability to focus on the child. Emotional intelligence goes through waves of development, but younger children are much more self-centered than grown adults. Without someone addressing their needs regularly, they’ll carry resentment for undelivered attention through their lives.

Considering the Situation

Emotional impact may vary based on the specifics of the divorce and the parent’s situation, but the need for emotional development doesn’t differ.

Major emotional milestones include:

  • Experiencing embarrassment between ages 5 and 6.
  • Awareness of others’ perceptions between ages 7 and 8.
  • Identity development starting at age 9.
  • Become introspective at age 11.

It’s easy to see how a generally uncomfortable or strained environment can impact all of these milestones. Emotionally, there are two consistent behaviors that children of divorce exhibit.

Both boys and girls express anger non-verbally and internalize distress. Usually, a child with parents going through a divorce will choose one of these patterns and stick with it. Children that regress to the non-verbal expression of anger will vandalize, fight, or start generally destructive habits. Children who internalize distress will often experience depression, poor gut health (from worry) and have severe changes to their eating and sleeping habits.

There are instances when a child removed from an emotionally neglectful or harmful situation will do better after the divorce.

The best way to reduce emotional distress is to help the child develop security in their relationship with any involved parent. That means the parents must uphold preset duties, make good on promises, and act civilly with the other parent.

Impacts of Divorce on Mothers

When evaluating family roles, much attention goes to the mother. However, it’s worth noting that women instigate the divorce more than twice as often as men do.  When it comes to divorce handling, the role of the mother often changes.

Times have significantly impacted what people expect to deliver as the mother-role in a partnership. But, as the person likely to have started the divorce, and likely to be seeking full custody, they are often taking on a new and more authoritative role. Often when a divorce starts, they no longer seek approval of their spouse or discuss major decisions with them.

Mothers may realize that they now have to rely on the social system, child care, or child support and will have less anxiety over asking for help. Emotionally, mothers may thrive after a divorce finding relief from marital problems they may have lived with for years.

Impacts of Divorce on Fathers

In 2016 a study found that about 55% of divorce instigators blamed the other person, and if women are twice as likely to file for divorce that means that men are almost always stuck with the blame.

There are many negative physical effects that divorced dads are more likely to experience, but they also have emotional setbacks to face as well. Men are more likely to experience depression and anxiety after a divorce as their roles are often essentially removed. Their role as a father is most often confined to weekends where a father will often lose both respect and authority.

Time Spent Between Family Members

When you look at the typical family roles, of the parents and children, there’s a balance between child independent time, child time individually with parents and child time with both parents. These are all essential for a child’s development and can help define your role within the family unit. When a divorce happens, the time spent between family members skews. Often the child’s time spent independently and with an individual parent will increase significantly.

If a parent withdraws from a child’s life either intentionally or through court-ordered child custody, there is an emotional loss. However, it’s critical to consider that child custody cases often evaluate the whole of the child’s best interest and staving off harmful interactions can create the opportunity for better emotional and physical help.

Standard visitation may not provide the interaction that your child needs to maintain a quality relationship with the parent. It’s important to seek the help of a lawyer if you have concerns regarding the time that you’ll spend with your child.

As part of a custody arrangement, a judge will often consider the emotional ties between the parent and child during the decision making. A just will, of course, determine custody and visitation if the parents cannot reach an amicable resolution with a mediator.

The time spent between family members even as roles may change and ties may dissolve is vital for each person in this equation. Divorced parents can co-parent civilly in some situations; in others, it is best to involve an attorney rather than continuing any struggle at home.

The post Divorce’s Emotional Impact on Family Roles appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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what role does biology play in cheating

What Roles Does Biology Play In Cheating?

what role does biology play in cheating

 

Cheating is fairly common behavior. And, according to the video, The Science Behind Infidelity, biology plays a role in why some people cheat. It would seem, the choice to cheat may be driven by a strong biological urge.

Not something that excuses the cheating but, something to consider when dealing with a spouse’s cheating. Maybe. We all have biological urges; some we must respond to or damage or health. Urination for example.

The biological urge to have sex with someone other than your spouse won’t damage one’s health if that urge is denied. So, even though biology plays a role in cheating, we don’t have to give into the biological urges.

What Role Does Biology Play in Cheating?

1. Gene coding for a dopamine receptor plays a key role in cheating and sexual promiscuity for men and women. Research shows that individuals with at least one 7-repeat allele (7R+) report a greater categorical rate of promiscuous sex.

Dopamine is called the “happy hormone” and is released after pleasurable activities (Sex). Research shows that 50% of people who have the long allele variant of the dopamine receptor have cheated on their spouse compared to only 22% who have the short allele.

People with the long allele dopamine receptor also have a tendency to be risk takers and to abuse alcohol and drugs. So, the phrase, “once a cheater, always a cheater” may be true for those long allele dopamine receptor folks.

Want to make sure you aren’t marrying one of these long allele variant folks? Take them to a local lab and ask for collected buccal wash sample that is genotyped for the DRD4 VNTR. Or, marry them and trust they won’t give in to that particular biological urge.

2. Levels of the hormone vasopressin also play a role in cheating on a spouse. Vasopressin effects trust, empathy and sexual bonding. The higher the level of vasopressin receptors a man has, the more likely he is to cheat. And, the less likely they are to bond to a spouse emotionally.

3. Money or, how much more you earn than your wife, plays a role in cheating behaviors. Males who earn significantly more than their wives are more likely to cheat. Not good news for stay-at-home moms who earn no money!

But, on the other hand, stay-at-home Dads are more likely to cheat than stay-at-home Moms. According to Dr. Christin Munsch, “In an average year, there was nearly a 5 percent chance that women, who are completely economically dependent on their husbands, will have affair— while there’s about a 15 percent chance entirely dependent men do.”

It would seem women find being financially dependent on a husband easier than men who are dependent financially on a wife. Only when there are similar income levels between spouses does money not play a role in cheating.

Life Factors That Increase The Risk Of Cheating:

Unresolved emotional issues:

Unresolved emotional childhood issues can cause people to repeat negative relationship patterns. If you grew up exposed to parents who had a high conflict marriage due to their own inability to solve marital problems, you will take those patterns into your own relationships.

If you grew up with an obsessively controlling mother or father, you may carry resentment toward men or women into a relationship. Cheating is a subconscious way of “getting even” with a parent. In the end, it’s a spouse that pays the biggest cost, not the parents.

Baggage from past relationships:

People who haven’t let go and dealt with baggage from a previous marriage are more likely to cheat with a previous spouse. Be careful when becoming involved with a man or woman who still harbors negative or positive feelings for an ex.

Most think that “I hate my ex” means he/she is done with the ex. Not true! Hate and love share the same side of a coin. Hate is an emotion, meaning that person still has an emotional connection to their ex. That isn’t a relationship you want to become too involved in.

Bottom line, there are many reasons someone cheats. Be it unresolved family issues or biology we still have free will that allows us to make choices based on our moral beliefs.

The post What Roles Does Biology Play In Cheating? appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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