This time of COVID-19 pandemic is incredibly challenging, especially for those who are self-isolated with a narcissist because, of course, you are going to be more susceptible to their abuse.
A narcissist gets their acclaim and adoration from others, but this is difficult for a narcissist in lockdown.
Narcissists do not fare well in lockdown and nor do those stuck with them, and some of you will see an escalation of abuse.
In this Thriver TV episode, I want to offer you some guidance to provide you with ways to protect yourself while this pandemic is restricting our lives.
I can’t tell you how many people have reached out with this issue right now.
That’s why I wanted to have a conversation with you about it.
This time of COVID-19 pandemic is incredibly challenging, especially for those who are self-isolated with a narcissist because of course, you are more susceptible to his or her abuse.
My heart goes out to you, and I deeply wanted to do this episode, to grant you some powerful tools to be able to cope at this time.
Narcissists In Lockdown
The very nature of narcissism means that there is a high requirement for narcissistic supply – the attention from the world that allows the narcissist to know that he or she exists.
Once getting past the love bombing stage with a narcissist, and the honeymoon period, primary intimates are not the narcissist’s main source of narcissistic supply anymore.
That is because the cracks have appeared and you have become injured, disappointed and even disgusted with this person. You are no longer the fawning, adoring servant to the False Self that you once were.
This means that the narcissist needs to get his or her acclaim and adoration from others. This is difficult for a narcissist in lockdown. Either he or she is going to flaunt the rules and just do that anyway or being self-isolated means becoming intensely disturbed and distressed.
Adding insult to injury, there are narcissists who have also lost their income stream.
What does this mean?
It means that the abuse will escalate.
He or she will unleash the erupting self-annihilating critic that can no longer be medicated away with narcissistic supply, by attacking you.
It’s no surprise that health departments from all over the globe are reporting a big escalation in intimate partner and family violence as a result of COVID-19 restrictions.
Detachment Is Key
It’s true, this is a critical time for you if you are self-isolating with a narcissist.
This is a time when you really need to be actively empowering yourself, to not just survive this unprecedented situation our world is in, but also the tension and mayhem of being in close and constant proximity to a narcissist.
Narcissists are highly skilled at identifying your weak points and hitting them hard in order to get a reaction. This is about getting the drama – the feed of significance.
If a narcissist can blame you, and get you to be the bad one, they dump their inner ‘dis-regulated’ feelings all over you. Then this grants the added opportunity to be in contact with others to smear you and get narcissistic supply from them.
In order to emotionally survive, you must be stronger than ever, and not buy into it.
Your greatest hope is to detach so that the narcissist can’t extract narcissistic supply from you and will find another avenue to get it.
I know that can be hard. I know that can make you feel even more abandoned and abused. But truly when you can pull back and start focusing on your own inner healing, then you are well on the way to becoming free.
One of the greatest keys, as hard as it may seem to do, is to step up to the plate of looking after yourself, emotionally and spiritually. Dedicated attention to your inner state is your most important foundational piece to getting well.
If you still have hopes that the narcissist will wake up and love you healthily, then you’re in for a very painful ride.
If you believe that this time in isolation with this person means that you will be able to get them to see the truth and wake up, the more you try to make this happen, the more you will get punished.
Regarding any narcissist in your life, your mission is not to save them, fix them or get them to love you. The mission is, rather, to turn inwards and heal those parts of yourself that feel dependent on achieving these goals.
When you turn inwards with the intention to reclaim you, I promise you that you will discover an unhealed part of yourself from your past that wanted people to grant you love, approval, security and safety. Yet, now as an adult, your personal evolution is about healing enough to be the generator of those things for yourself.
I promise you that no matter how things seem, you have a lot to look forward to. Once you graduate beyond the neediness and the attachment to the narcissist you will start to come home to heal that relationship with yourself. I promise you that then the pain will start dissolving away, and your True Life can begin.
I really want you to know that the inability to feel solid within yourself, and being attached to people who were hurting you, was never your fault. We have all been a product of a world, education and caretakers which didn’t allow our Inner Identity to develop emotionally enough to be our own whole source yet.
I promise you, at this extreme time of pain and pressure, you do have an incredible opportunity, regardless of the fallout and stress that you are facing, to really get this job done.
Of course, in this time of coronavirus uncertainty, you don’t know what your future will bring. You don’t know what life will look like after this time. It is bringing up so much fear and confusion for many people. I know that this is going to be one of the most painful times of your life. I know that you want to receive the comfort from the narcissist, to give you a big hug and just tell you that everything is going to be okay.
But this person never did care about your wholeness, safety or security. You were merely a tool to feed the narcissist’s insatiable bottomless False Self. This isn’t personal. It’s not because you are unlovable or unworthy of love. It’s because this is simply how a narcissist operates.
Now that you are scared and vulnerable and unavailable to be the narcissist’s energetic slave, this is a time when they will punish you the most.
The narcissistic credo is, “How dare you try to need me when you are there to serve me!” Hence why so many narcissists leave their partners when they have serious illnesses. This is never what a genuine loving partner would do!
If you are trying to look out for and look after a female narcissist, in these challenging times, nothing you do will ever be good enough either. And you will still be blamed for everything.
Or, maybe the narcissist is using this time to his or her advantage to get you to hand over more energy, more pieces of your Soul as well as your rights, property and resources.
Don’t fall for it.
It’s imperative now to take yourself back, not hand over even more pieces of yourself.
How Do You Take Yourself Back?
With a narcissist, you are not fighting a practical war. You are fighting a spiritual, energetic one.
This is the battle between Life Force and Antilife. This is literally a battle for your Soul. If you grant the narcissist any of your energy, good or bad, then you are feeding his or her capacity to continue hurting you and sucking you dry.
Taking yourself back means that you become emotionally unaffected. You make it your greatest mission to detach to the point where you don’t respond to anything inflammatory, or get hooked into any debates, arguments or triggers of injustice whatsoever.
You stay clear of handing over any emotional energy at all.
There will be triggers.
Plenty of them.
The narcissist will try to get to you in the ways that he or she always has. This could be accusations, or complete abandonment and stonewalling. Or something else.
The narcissist knows exactly what presses your buttons and what can be used against you.
So how do you take yourself out of this dramatic soul-sucking game?
By shoring up all of those parts of you which used to be susceptible to this.
I want to take you through a little exercise to help you take your power back.
Your Detachment and Return To Power Protocol
Whether you are in self-isolation with a narcissist, or you have been struggling with any narcissistic abuse, past or present, and you know that there is a wound that is still there that hurts you, I want you to come and do this little exercise with me.
Before we get started, please make sure that you have a writing pad and a pen with you.
Okay, so I want you to close your eyes, take a couple of deep breaths and roll your shoulders back.
Now I want you to set the intention that the following exercise is going to be insightful, healing and empowering for you.
Please know “insightful” means granting you “inter-sight”.
Now, I want you to imagine being triggered by the narcissist.
You know how that happens and how incensed and off-balance you feel, when it happens.
Okay take your attention inwards, I want you to feel in your body, which part of you is being triggered.
Maybe you feel that dense painful energy in the pit of your stomach. Maybe it is in your heart. Or you feel it is a constriction in your throat. Is it located in another part of your body? Maybe the trigger feels so big it is everywhere underneath your skin.
Just breathe for a minute, and have your body relaxed and open. With your attention and consciousness deeply inside yourself, I want you to trust where you feel that trigger.
Now, I want you to take your awareness to that part of yourself, with the love and devotion and fascination of being really interested in what this is about.
With your body open and breathing, I want you to repeat this mantra after me.
“I am making this declaration that I am taking my power back. No longer do I look at you (the abuser) as my source of fixing what is hurting within me. Rather, I will now meet and heal what is going on within me. By doing so your energy becomes irrelevant in my life. You are not my saviour. I am my own saviour, and I let you go and release you, with relief, from every part of my being. I am now free to love and heal me.”
Okay so now with your body open and breathing I want you to stay in contact with this dense or painful energy inside your body, and I want you to say, “Sweetheart (or “mate” or whatever endearing term you want to use) I know that you feel scared and hurt right now. I am here to step up and love you back to wholeness. What is it that you are feeling right now? Please tell me.”
Now I want you to pause this video, for as long as it takes, and I want you to write about what has come up for you. Don’t change or sensor what comes. Just stay super present with love, pouring love into this inner part of you, as you would a child who you adore, while you listen unconditionally.
Write down what you receive.
If you like, you may wish to share a little bit of this below with myself and others. By doing so many people will be able to relate. Remember we are all in this together. There is so much power in sharing in a healing container like this. It will give you such a boost in your own healing.
Okay, so now that you are aware of what is causing your Inner Being to feel scared and hurt, you may recognise that this has been there for a long time. This is not necessarily just what the narcissist has done to you. It’s likely that what the narcissist is doing to you is a continuation of this feeling that you experienced before.
Maybe, just maybe, these are the feelings that you have had ever since you were a small child.
Now I want you to breathe deeply into this part of yourself, this scared hurt part and I want you to repeat after me, “Darling Inner Being (or whatever endearing term you want to use) I hear you, and I am here for you. I pledge with all my heart and soul that together we will heal back to integration, back to wholeness, to a place where we will never hand our power away to people who hurt us again. These people are no longer our reality, they were only the catalyst to bring me home to heal you. I love you, and I’m never leaving you again.”
Now I want you to just breathe and let that soak in.
If you feel that you wish to, please pause the video and share below how this feels in your body.
What Taking Your Power Back Will Create
This is what I want you to know with all my heart – narcissists only have power in your experience when they are using your wounds against you. When you take back your power by you being responsible for the healing of your wounds, the narcissist becomes completely irrelevant.
This is when, even with living in close proximity, this person will back off and leave you alone, because they can no longer operate in your experience.
But know this … he or she may try many different tactics to pull you back into their energetic vacuum. You may have to meet your Inner Being many, many times over and over again as each new vulnerability gets tested.
For example, the narcissist may originally try being abrasive. Then you heal that part of yourself which is triggered by the careless and nasty words.
Then the narcissist may try stonewalling and abandonment. Then you heal that part of yourself.
Then the narcissist may threaten you with replacing you with new supply. Then you heal that part of yourself and become detached again.
Then the narcissist may break down and cry and be “sorry” and try to get you back in by pulling on your compassionate heartstrings. Then you detach and heal that part of yourself.
Then the narcissist may threaten you, and you shore up that part of yourself and you are completely unafraid.
And so on and on and on it goes, until you have healed every gap that the narcissist has been purposefully targeting in order to try to get back in and mine and drain your soul.
Can you imagine how evolved, up-levelled and impervious to any outside force you become as a result of this?
Can you see the grist necessitating your own spectacular personal evolution when stuck in self-isolation with a narcissist?
Is there a part of your Soul that is possibly excited about this opportunity?
I promise you that there are no mistakes – this is a paramount rebirth from extraordinary circumstances.
This is the stuff that Phoenixes were designed to do.
You are a Phoenix.
You are coded with the power of the entire universe inside of you.
You have everything within you to activate your True God Self.
I stand for this because this is what Thriving after narcissistic abuse is all about.
Your New and Free Self
What we have outlined in this episode today is exactly what healing from narcissistic abuse is about, except this is now in an intensified form. This is how diamonds are created, under intense heat and pressure.
Narcissistic abuse is a make or break deal, and I don’t know any time when this is more pertinent than now.
There are people suffering terribly out there because of narcissistic abuse because they don’t know the truth about the evolutionary process and opportunity that lies within it. This is horrific and as far as I’m concerned, such a waste of many beautiful Souls.
On my watch, I’m going to make sure that I help reduce the suffering from narcissistic abuse as much as possible, by helping people know about how to heal for real.
For all of you out there who want a very powerful tool to be able to detach and heal those inner parts of yourself that are being triggered, then I cannot recommend NARP enough. It is the process myself and so many thousands of other people who have been abused have used to heal the unimaginable.
If you have been in this community for some time you will have heard people talk about NARP on virtually every post on all of my social media platforms.
I also invite you to come into my free webinar to experience a free session of Quanta Freedom Healing for yourself, which will help you release and transcend some of the awful triggers that are coming up for you right now.
Okay, so I really hope that this episode has helped you, and I can’t wait to respond to your comments and questions below.