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Divorce Attorney Elise Mitchell's Private Files Document Blow Jobs to Judges

Santa Clara County Politicians Tied to Sex Trafficking in Family Court Cases

After months of sifting through documents reportedly left at a Catholic high school by Silicon Valley divorce attorney Elise Mitchell it appears  attorneys Heather Allan, Nicole Ford,  BJ Fadem, Jessica Huey, Irwin Joseph, Michael Smith, John Schroder, James Cox and Nat Hales have spent the past 2 decades using a complex money laundering scheme to traffic children through Silicon Valley’s family courthouses.

The enterprise appears to be expanding to Contra Costa, Santa Cruz and Orange Counties through court staff, judges and administrators. 

CAPTURING CHILDREN & MONEY 

The enterprise includes workers from CPS and Family Court Services and  appears to require cooperation from  court appointed experts including  Matthew Sullivan, Leslie Packer, Valerie Houghton, Ken Perlmutter, John Orlando and Michael Kerner. The players are different in every county, but the enterprise is easily detected with assistance of documents and secret recordings parents have been making for decades. 

Leaked documents and  secret recordings made at a ” Power Lunch ” appears to implicate Santa Clara County Supervisor Cindy Chavez who made  comments to local judges and members of the district attorney’s office that indicates she and Supervisor Dave Cortese have full knowledge that that the sex trafficking operation exists in the local courts, and elected judges and politicians are on the take for the enterprise. 

Family courts are often a source of strife in a child’s life. Family Court Services and CPS social workers appear to have  been using divorce and custody cases to identify children who offer the greatest potential for trafficking. These children are then marked by judges who appoint lawyers to assure the children are separated from loving or protective parents. 

At risk children are those whose parents have been involved in divorce or custody cases for more than 3 years. Judges then appoint lawyers to represent children and within a year these lawyers make recommendations to isolate the children from a loving parent. 

Payments recorded in the documents put Judges Stuart Scott, James Towery, Judge Roberta Hayashi, and  Joshua Weinstein at the center of the corruption. Court appointments made by these judges correlate to children being separated from their families, based on reports issued by corrupt custody evaluators . The activity is especially insidious when private judges are appointed to hear these cases. 

Donelle Morgan, Bradford Baugh, Mark Erickson, James Mc Manis, Catherine Bechtel, Jim Hoover, Travis Krepelka and Julia McDowell appear to be charged with assuring payments to private judges are delivered in the form of loan payoffs for personal homes, and real property rentals. 

Once a court appoints a lawyer to represent children, or to act as a private judge, this group of lawyers moves in to sell families homes, and later kickback fees to the private judges from fee awards the private judges make. 

Documents indicate Chavez and Cortese have been getting political contributions and kickbacks where transgender and gay children  are taken from their families in cases where Walter Hammon is involved.  Cortese, who is running for the California State Senate reportedly kept news of pedophile persists from making local headlines, assuring donations to local non- profit news organizations who kill stories that could expose the enterprise. 

Family Court Services staff are heard in the recording talking about how BJ Fadem works behind the scenes to take gay and bisexual children form their families, where they are more vulnerable t0 being trafficked through the local courts. Once the children have been alienated from protected parents, they are easier to get into sex trafficking rings. 

Digging through the documents, and searching titles of local properties parents have found court appointments made by Judge James Towery, Judge Stuart Scott, Judge Roberta  S. Hayashi   and Judge Joshua Weinstein to be the forefront of the trafficking activity, which has been known and supported by Santa Clara County Supervisors Cindy Chavez and Dave Cortese for several years. 

Payments to court appointed experts show that 

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Santa Clara County Politicians Dave Cortese and Cindy Chavez  Tied to Sex Trafficking in Family Court Cases

After months of sifting through documents reportedly left at a Catholic high school by Silicon Valley divorce attorney Elise Mitchell, it appears  attorneys Heather Allan, Nicole Ford,  BJ Fadem, Jessica Huey, Irwin Joseph, Michael Smith, John Schroder, James Cox and Nat Hales have spent the past 2 decades using a complex money laundering scheme to traffic children through Silicon Valley’s family courthouses.  Pedophiles are paying top dollar for white affluent children at the center of a divorce or custody case. Court CEO Rebecca Fleming and David Yamasaki appear to be the linchpin of the operations. 

The enterprise appears to be expanding to Contra Costa, Santa Cruz and Orange Counties through court staff, judges and administrators. 

CAPTURING CHILDREN & MONEY LAUNDERING 

By  including   workers from CPS and Family Court Services, and gaining   cooperation from  court appointed experts including  Matthew Sullivan, Leslie Packer, Valerie Houghton, Ken Perlmutter, John Orlando and Michael Kerner, the enterprise has thrived for the past two decades. 

The players are different in every county, but the enterprise is easily detected with the assistance of documents and secret recordings parents have been collecting over the past three years. 

Secret recordings made at a recent  ” Power Lunch ” appear to implicate Santa Clara County Supervisor Cindy Chavez, Dave Cortese and employees in the DA’s office in RICO activity that sells children to abusers and pedophiles, White children raised in Silicon Valley’s elite neighborhoods bring as much as $1 million to the enterprise in the form of cash and loan payoffs on real estate transactions. Attorney Sharon Roper has recently been selling properties as a temporary judge in a manner that has poured over $100 million dollars into the enterprise to strengthen and expand the operation.   

Family courts are often a source of strife in a child’s life. Family Court Services and CPS social workers appear to have  been using divorce and custody cases to identify children with the potential for being trafficked without detection. High conflict custody cases often lead to children ” running away” , or so the public is told. In fact these children are taken in through religious organizations, or non- profits assured funding by local politicians, only to disappear as a ” nanny” or child needing placement in foster care managed by the county. 

Payments recorded in leaked documents put Judges Stuart Scott, James Towery, Judge Roberta Hayashi, and  Joshua Weinstein at the center of the corruption. Court appointments made by these judges correlate to cases where parents are placed on supervised visitation, children are sent to reunification camps, and foster care programs are introduced once children have been isolated from ” problematic parents”. 

Judges are issuing Domestic Violence Restraining Orders to keep these parents permanently from their  own children. These orders often label a parent as ” abusive ” or ” crazy” to justify the orders.  

The Mitchell documents tie divorce and custody cases to the enterprise, where judges  appoint lawyers to represent children,  or act as private judges,  where the enterprise can be further secreted.  The documents show Judge Joshua Weinstein has been issuing appointments directly and indirectly as he prepares to leave the bench and go into private judging where other judges will regular appoint him to divorce and custody cases with the most money, real estate and children.  The Mitchell documents appear to indicate that in the average middle class divorce case minor’s counsel are assured appointments with $10,000 retainers, and private judges earn up to $200,000 in fees. 

Buyers of the children appear to be hiring young women to work as  a nanny, and young boys are promised scholarships and internships as a cover. In fact these children have reported they are essentially groomed to perform sex acts.

One young woman described her experiences  in family court where she was told her protective mother was alienating her from her father. The father then got fully custody and went on to  rape his own daughter  several times a week. When she tried to go to doctors or teachers for help, she was returned to her father.

The lawyer appointed to represent this women during  her parent’s divorce case,  only met with the young client once, but continued to represent to the court the girl did not want to see her mother.  The girl repeatedly heard her father on the phone with the lawyer demanding recommendations to the court that would maintain his custody position.

The young woman  noted that her brother was sent to live with a man who suddenly gave her father a home after the family home had been sold in the divorce to pay all the lawyers. The girl was told her brother was ” working ” for a Silicon Valley tech executive, she has had no contact with him for the past five years. 

The Mitchell documents indicate affluent white children bring millions to judges, lawyers and others acting in Silicon Valley’s family courts.

Local politicians know what this sex trafficking enterprise is doing and refuses to act in order to assure their reelection. Dave Cortese, a Santa Clara County supervisor  is running for California’s state senate in 2020. Mr. Cortese has reportedly been told he will have the powerful support of the Catholic church and support of the state’s judges in return for his silence. 

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Divorce Attorney Elise Mitchell's Private Files Document Blow Jobs to Judges

Reporters: Catholic Church Settlements Link  Family Courts to Child Abuse Sex Scandals and Sex Trafficking Rings Paid By Sales of Family Homes

As mothers, fathers and gangs of reporters continue to sift through private settlements made by the Catholic Church to protect priests who had sexually abused children for decades, a startling link has been discovered that connects judges and family law attorneys to sex trafficking and pedophile rings where children are taken from their families during high conflict divorce cases from California to South Carolina.

Papers and secret sources indicate Judge Peter McBrien reportedly used the prestige of his office to traffic children in Sacramento’s family courts through an orphanage known as Sacramento Children’s Home, but McBrien didn’t stop there, He used his contacts in Napa, Contra Costa, Orange and Santa Clara County to refer families to private judge cases where secret proceedings resulted in lawyers using high asset divorce cases to legally terminate custody of protective parents. These legal proceedings, often held in lawyer offices appear to result in children being sent to live with abusive parents who control their every move and prohibit communication with the parent who sought to expose abuse.

Settlement papers connected to St. Mary’s church in Gilroy California show children were placed in the county’s orphanage describe horrific abuses of drugging, and financially destroying children who were reportedly taken from Child Protective Services (CPS) or from families divorcing in Santa Clara and San Benito Counties. Attorneys Richard Roggia, James Cox and Sharon Roper’s names appear connected to some of the most horrific abuses.

These papers also reveal that in  San Mateo and Santa Clara Counties attorney Bradford Baugh, Lynne Yates Carter, Elise Mitchell, Joseph Russoniello , Hector Moreno and Donelle Morgan appear to be  connected to an auto body shop that was trafficking young immigrant women from Sweden and Italy to act as  “nannies” for Silicon Valley tech executives engaging in some of the worst child and sex abuse cases in the state. 

Funding for the trafficking and child abuse enterprises appears to be coming from the conversation of family home and business equity that is being funneled through California’s family courts and Catholic Church “donations”. 

In Los Gatos. California papers indicate attorneys Walter Hammon, Rebekah Frye  and Catherine Gallagher have been using connections to the local judiciary and powerful real estate developers to raise money through donations made to St. Mary’s and Shir Hadash that have gone to fund supervised visitation centers, reunification camps and unlicensed non- profit groups to brainwash children in order to isolate them from families who could protect them. 

Ten years after the Catholic Church sex abuse scandal broke on the front pages of the Boston Globe, the full extent of harm inflicted on children through the nation’s churches , synagogues and family courts continues to be secreted by lawyers and judges who knew and who allowed these horrific crimes against children to continue. 

Lawyers names associated with these settlements are now being redacted and reviewed in a manner that would allow children and parents to collect monetary awards, which many describe as insufficient given the stolen innocence these lawyers, judges, politicians and religious leaders took as they sought only to profit and advance their own careers. 

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MLFs Expose Judges & Morgan Hill Lawyer Laura Perry in  Silicon Valley  Guns & Sex Trafficking Ring

Sex Trafficking, Drugs & Guns In Silicon Valley Divorces

Morgan Hill attorney Laura Perry just tied Morgan Hill’s most nefarious MLF, Heidi Vlf, to a criminal enterprise trafficking teenage girls, guns and designer drugs through the county’s foster care system and local family courts. 

Taxpayers and Victims determined to remove Santa Clara County District Attorney and Judge James Towery from the county payroll, found divorce files in the offices of Laura Perry that link south county to court corruption that is separating families and trafficking young wealthy women whose parents ended up in the courtrooms of Judge Patricia Lucas, James Towery, Christopher Rudy, Mary Arand, Stuart Scott, Theodore Zayner and Mark Pierce. during their divorce or civil cases involving Silicon Valley start ups and tech businesses. 

The criminal enterprise apparently operates in divorce cases where judges appoint lawyers for children, or to act as private judges. Heather Allan, Rebekah Frye,  BJ Fadem, Jessica Huey, Bradford Baugh, Walter Hammon and Bradford Baugh are the core lawyers working to use domestic violence to separate children from their parents and into the county’s foster care program. 

Once children are in these programs, the county’s local Standing Order allow county employees to order medical procedures and drugs for children without parental consent. 

An audit of family court orders show these judges routinely issue orders for medical treatments, supervised visitation centers  and detention centers where they hold a financial interest. 

Judges currently earn $180- 220,000 in Santa Clara, a fraction of what is needed to live a middle class lifestyle in Silicon  Valley. This pay gap as left judges rip for corruption, kickbacks and sex favors. 

Perry is also linked to gun runners and abusers operating out of Gilroy, Morgan Hill and San Martin.  A couple known as “Heidi and Scott” have reportedly been running guns from barns and outbuildings in Santa Clara’s most rural areas using homeless and mentally ill populations to hide the gun, drug and sex trafficking activity. 

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MILFs Expose Judges & Morgan Hill Lawyer Laura Perry in  Silicon Valley  Guns & Sex Trafficking Ring

Sex Trafficking, Drugs & Guns In Silicon Valley Divorces

Morgan Hill attorney Laura Perry just tied Morgan Hill’s most nefarious MILFs and a  criminal enterprise trafficking teenage girls, guns and designer drugs through the county’s foster care system and local family courts. 

Taxpayers and Victims determined to remove Santa Clara County District Attorney Jeff Rosen and Judge James Towery from the county payroll, found divorce cases linked to the Morgan Hill  office of Laura Perry that tie south county to court corruption that  has resulted in the  separating of  families and trafficking young wealthy women whose parents ended up in the courtrooms of Judge Patricia Lucas, James Towery, Christopher Rudy, Mary Arand, Stuart Scott, Theodore Zayner and Mark Pierce. during their divorce or civil cases connected to  Silicon Valley start ups, real estate  and tech businesses. 

The criminal enterprise apparently operates in divorce cases where judges appoint lawyers for children, or to act as private judges. Heather Allan, Rebekah Frye,  BJ Fadem, Jessica Huey, Richard Roggia, Hector Moreno, Walter Hammon and Bradford Baugh are the core lawyers working to use domestic violence and mental health claims against former spouses that  separate children from their parents and find many of these children fleeing the area, or ending up in the county’s  foster care program. 

Once children are in these programs, a local Standing Order allows county employees to order medical procedures and drugs for children without parental consent. Slowly these kids are placed on dangerous prescription medications where mind altering effect make these children more susceptible to becoming high school dropouts, gang members and run always, or worse, to be picked up into sex, gun and drug trafficking rings where the children easily vanish from their communities and are written off as part of their parent’s nasty divorce cases. 

An audit of Santa Clara County  family court orders show a core group of judges routinely issuing  orders for medical treatments, supervised visitation centers  and detention centers where they hold a financial interest. 

Judges currently earn $180- 220,000 in Santa Clara courts, a fraction of what is needed to live a middle class lifestyle in Silicon  Valley. This pay gap as left judges ripe for corruption, kickbacks and sex favors, many of which are provided through an elaborate network of lawyers, court reporters and bailiffs. 

Perry is also linked to gun runners and abusers operating out of Gilroy, Morgan Hill and San Martin where a  couple known as “Heidi and Scott” have reportedly become known as the South County homewreckers. This couple goes in to troubled marriages through elaborate dating schemes played out on Match.com, Instagram and Facebook. The couple sets out to have affairs with couples in troubled marriages ultimately bringing  in Laura Perry and other area lawyers willing to suck community property into the criminal enterprise that continues to thrive in Silicon Valley. An enterprise  fueled by the most famous names in tech and social media.  

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Divorce Attorney Elise Mitchell's Private Files Show Payments for Sex Favors to Judges Arranged by BJ Fadem and Family Court Services Own Jason Magers

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BJ Fadem is first openly Transgender lawyer regularly appointed to represent children in Silicon Valley courts. Papers reportedly left by Elise Mitchell at Norte Dame in San Jose show Fadem as part of a huge child and sex trafficking ring involving judges and custody experts.

Transgender: Abuses Mothers in Family Court 
For those who remember BJ Fadem as a woman, the notes and confidential papers left at Notre Dame high school in San Jose came as no surprise. Fadem,  who was never comfortable being a woman and reportedly hated his own mother  has unleashed years of torment on local children whose parents  are divorcing in Santa Clara family courts. Worse, confidential papers left at San Jose’s elite Catholic High School show Fadem was also involved in the criminal trafficking of children and laundering money through the local courts in the form of court orders and appointments. The notes show Fadem working to protect Stanford professors, and high tech executives who sexually molested children and arranged sex favors including blow jobs to some of Santa Clara County’s most prominent judges. Fadem is linked to Family Court Services MFT Jason Magers, also transgender, who is known for taking children from mothers as a form of grooming in the sex trafficking rings. 

Many believe the papers were left at the high school by controversial divorce attorney Elise Mitchell, who has recently experienced high staff turnover and is rumored to be frazzled purchasing a home with her husband using money laundered through the courts and payoffs from the 49ers. Payments reportedly arranged through attorney Eric Scott Geffon, now a Santa Clara County superior court judge. 

Selling the Homes of Families to Pay the Lawyers and Sex Traffickers

​James Towery, another lawyer turned bad judge, was known for  sexually harassing  the legal secretary in his own law firm. The problem for Towery was that the secretary kept notes, and his wife, Marilyn Morgan , a partner in the firm with her father, found the notes and took Towery to divorce court.

After he was appointed to the family court, Judge James Towery began using his elected office to sell the properties of families involved in local divorces in order to assure payments to court appointed lawyers, private judges and custody evaluators  who use rigged reports and junk science to separate children from their families and put them into the criminal justice or foster care systems where they are ripe for sex trafficking and abuse. 
 

Banks Funding Trafficking Through the Courts

 The papers show Judge James L. Stoelker has been using his contacts where he formerly represented big banks to assist the  money laundering scheme  using local real estate transactions and help from county assessor Larry Stone’s confidential secretary.  Stone’s office has coordinated the scheme through the district attorney’s office where prosecutors including Deborah Medved, Terry Harman and Allison Filo have helped the trafficking ring after  Medved became a family law attorney regularly appointed to represent children in cases with judges she knew from the DAs office, including Amber Rosen, the wife of District Attorney Jeff Rosen. Medved was known for protecting Stanford professors and Silicon Valley tech executives who were part of sex trafficking rings and where many abused their own children, with impunity. 

Notes show Medved,  was arranging cash payments with the help of DDA John Chase to DA Mark Peterson in Contra Costa County. Other judges involved in the scam include: 
Santa Clara County; Patricia Lucas, Mary Arand, Julie Emede, Vincent Chiarello, Mark Pierce, Joshua Weinstein and Roberta Hayashi, all  assisted by government lawyers Lisa Herrick and Los Gatos Councilwoman Barbara Spector, formerly of Hoge Fenton. Private lawyers known for watching porn and trying to trade representation for sex include Nat Hales, Neville Spadafore, and Catherine Gallagher who are regularly appointed as private judges to keep the scam out of the public eye. 

Judges have been repaid for their rulings with mysterious payoffs on their homes and rental properties using Los Gatos based Orange Title company and connections to Intero real estate agents to do so.  

Judges Putting Kids on Drugs for Profit

Judge Manley has been rigging outcomes in drug court, while “investing” in drug companies through relatives and friends.  Court ordered drug rehab and probation monitoring  programs listed in Mitchell’s notes show area lawyers and judges getting kickbacks from large drug companies and big players in local marijuana businesses. Mitchell was recently heard by a staffer bragging to clients she could get a former spouse criminally prosecuted due to her connections with John Chase and Michael Moreno in the DA’s office.

Unity Care, the corporation charged with caring for foster kids in the San Jose area, is highly linked to Judge James Towery,  Judge Amber Rosen, Kayrn Sininu Towery and  Supervisor Cindy Chavez, all who profited from the drugging and abusing of children caught in Santa Clara County’s juvenile system. 

Drugging of children based on recommendations and orders of court appointed lawyers appear to be key to the scam. Hundreds of CP cases and court files that are kept confidential by the courts, and state law, show the most egregious  offenses according to notes and records found at the high school. 

Judge Roberta Hayashi, one of the judges documented in Mitchell’s notes reportedly  used non-profit cancer organizations to launder money to her campaigns and kickback favors to Silicon Valley’s top tech industry executives whose divorces come before her in family court. Hayashi, a former judge in criminal court, has reportedly received unreported campaign contributions, and repayments on real estate owned in the upscale Los Gatos community. Hayashi’s connection to the Los Gatos Police indicate much of the sex trafficking has gone through law enforcement officers tied to the Los Gatos and San Jose police. 

Disappearing Families

Sex trafficking in Silicon Valley  has been  concealed by  local media that has secret deals to kill stories related to the local courts. Judges drag out divorces to isolate children in order to traffic them. Once a divorce drags out for five years, children become isolated from their extended families and neighbors, allowing them to disappear without raising eyebrows.  

Erasing children to traffic them begins with court orders that  appoint lawyers to make decisions for a judge. Decisions are rarely based on the BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD  and more for the best interest of the pocketbooks of judges and lawyers. Soon after an appointment,  lawyers will claim  to need appointment of custody evaluators. Most nefarious include Phil Stahl, Leslie Packer, Michael Sullivan and Ken Perlmutter, whom BJ Fadem is known to coordinate with in order to rig report outcomes in favor of a parent in on the sex trafficking scam. 

Judge Steve Austin of Contra Costa, Judge Patricia Lucas of Santa Clara and Judge Mathew Gary of Sacramento  appeared to be ring leaders of the operation, where their positions in the state courts provided them assured immunity. 

Connection to Sacramento 
One diagram in the Mitchell notes indicate Sacramento judge Mathew Gary arranged  part of the  payment  scheme  through court clerks and court reporters who were able to launder money disguised as cash payments for transcripts that were   buried in fee awards made to lawyers throughout the state. The diagram additionally shows connections and protections through local governments including elected district attorney Mark Peterson, whose sex scandals and coverups are now being reported in the press following his indictment and disbarment. District Attorney Jeff Rosen is reportedly the target of the next indictment, and recall waive resulting in the failure of his office to prosecute the undocumented immigrant who killed Willow Glen mom Bambi Larson, and the homeless man who raped a San Martin woman early in 2019. 

Children Who Escape
Several children, now grown, have come forward to describe how they were groomed for sex trafficking. Therapists appointed by the court used gaslighting and torcher to get them to hate protective parents. Once the protective parent has been legally removed by the courts, the children report being offered drugs by their court appointed lawyers and abusive parents.  Therapists also recommend prescription drugs that are forcibly given to children by court order, over the objections of protective parents.  Kids describe losing friends who don’t understand the court process, slipping grades, and dropping out because they felt invisible and lost their family support system. Some become incarcerated only to find their family gone when they are released. Once the children have been isolated from their  family and community, they are ripe for the trafficking rings being operated by a core group of judges and lawyers in our family courts. 

In addition to family courts, Mitchell’s papers indicate area lawyers have been secretly settling sex abuse cases against judges, high profile prosecutors,  as well as teachers and administrators at Notre Dame, Presentation and Mitty high schools. Students from those schools were told to hire lawyers and then were gaged from talking about the abuse. Robert Allard, a close friend of the DA’s office,  appeared to be negotiating many of these settlements in a manner that would prevent the DA’s office from prosecuting the most heinous sex abuses of children that involved connections to local lawyers, judges and custody evaluators working in Silicon Valley’s criminal and family courts. 

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When Sex Abuse Victims Aren

What Happens When Sex Abuse Victims Aren’t Supported And Nurtured?

When Sex Abuse Victims Aren't Supported And Nurtured

 

Three weeks ago, I wanted your decision to call off the engagement, to be about me-about something I did or didn’t do.  Three weeks ago, I began the inner dialogue of playing the ‘what if’ game:  “What if I had sent a more loving text?”; “What if I had sat closer to him at soccer practice?”; “What if I had planned a romantic weekend instead of buying Valentine’s Day gifts?”

Three weeks ago, I was drowning in self-doubt and self-blame. I thought about all of my flaws: my middle-aged after three children body, my short-temper, my overly analytical mind.

Three weeks ago I needed something tangible, something I could isolate- an exact moment when I destroyed the relationship. This discovery would empower me: it would give me control.  If I had this tidbit, then I would not be a victim again. I would protect myself.  I would use this as a reminder to what I had learned so many times: never be vulnerable; always be vigilant.

My vigilance was complete and steady until recently. 

I fully blame the media for my change in heart. I was inundated with another v-word- vulnerability.  Vulnerability was all the buzz when it came to unlocking the secrets to finding and keeping love.

Studies were conducted, articles and books were written, T.V. shows and documentaries were made. All of these purported the same message: Vulnerability is key to a true connection.  But, I am a hard sell.  It wasn’t until I went to see a long-awaited film that I gave this notion some real thought.

In late October, on a really bad date, I went to see the film A Star Is Born. I was absolutely stunned by the performances both actors gave. It wasn’t just the vocals or the acting- although both were superb-rather, it was the lesson they learned.

The characters, both struggling with their own demons, together find their way out of hell by letting down their guard and trusting the other. The scenes where Ally and Jackson allowed themselves to be vulnerable were both uncomfortable and beautiful to me.  I wanted to be Ally—not just because of her voice and marriage to Jackson- I longed to know what it was like to trust someone enough to be completely vulnerable.

When Sex Abuse Victims Aren’t Supported And Nurtured

Vulnerability is often learned at the hand of trauma.

I have learned this more times than I will ever admit. Sometimes it is extreme like sexual and physical abuse and sometimes it is a matter of being demeaned, humiliated, ignored.  And unlike adults, children are not allowed or not encouraged to feel how they feel. They bury the feelings of betrayal, confusion, anger, and rejection. Or if they are allowed to feel some of the emotions, it is not under the care of a professional or a trusted adult.

What makes childhood abuse so detrimental to future relationships is the victim learning the hard way that you cannot trust those who were supposed to have protected you.  It is the memory of recalling what it was like to be in a situation in which you have no control and no one would answer your calls for aid.  It is the anger that comes with knowing that telling about the abuse will make things worse and leave even more people broken and hurt.

Children learn quickly.  The subtext that they pick up on really quickly is this:  society blames victims- especially women.

When a woman is raped, how often does she feel the scrutiny of outfits and interactions? When a woman is abused by her partner, what gossip does she hear about her inabilities and insanity? When a woman is mentally terrorized, how often does she see another rewarded for her tenacity to go through the hell?

The blame game impacts every young woman-those who have experienced abuse and those who have not.

It is extremely common for trauma victims to blame themselves because they are looking for a defense mechanism against the most awful feeling in the world: powerlessness. It is also extremely common for all humans to want to understand. Children who have known trauma, don’t often get to address these issues.

When a caretaker or parent doesn’t ensure that these feelings are addressed, the child will find a resolution: self-blame.  The repercussions will certainly continue if the victim (If we) never come to know that it wasn’t our fault; it wasn’t our choice; it wasn’t what we deserved.

What I deserve (d) was the ability to be vulnerable, to have parents and caring adults protect me from the evil that targeted me.  I deserved to be believed, supported, and nurtured when these same adults failed to protect me. I didn’t deserve to have my pain buried, to have my self-esteem diminished, to have my self-love lessened. I deserved complete and unfaltering love.

I believe in healing.  I believe that trauma is only a part of who we are.  I believe we have to stop re-traumatizing ourselves.  I believe we have to stop repeating the cycle of pain.  I believe that we can see ourselves as brave warriors and not victims.  And I most definitely still believe in love.

The post What Happens When Sex Abuse Victims Aren’t Supported And Nurtured? appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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