You may be shocked at how you keep chasing after the narcissist even when he or she is treating you so badly.
The verbal and emotional abuse could be escalating and there may even be threats or realities of other lovers.
You know that you should pull away and stop going back in for more, but you just can’t seem to stop yourself.
In today’s video, we look at exactly why this is happening to you. As well as how to heal from this and be released from this terrible nightmare that is ripping you to pieces.
Sexual attraction and addiction are very powerful things. A narcissist knows how to trigger that within you.
It can be very hard to understand why you may be feeling the compulsion to keep having sex with a narcissist, even though he or she is treating you horribly.
How can relationships be so compelling horizontally, yet so painful vertically?
This is exactly what we are exploring in today’s TTV episode.
But before we get started, I’d just like to thank all of you for supporting the Thriver Mission by subscribing to my channel, and raising awareness that yes, we can now heal from narcissistic abuse for real.
Okay, now let’s get going on today’s episode.
What is Sexual Obsession?
Sexual obsession is fraught with anxiety. The easiest way to think about this is that the urges are similar to those of any addiction.
The feelings of going without the connection with this person and sex with them, may bring up feelings of loss, emptiness, anxiety and even panic.
All of these feelings are letting us know that we have emotionally entered Wrong Town, meaning that this experience is not a True Self one. Our soul communicates very effectively to us via our feelings, regarding what is healthy or not.
Healthy union brings calm, solid and serene feelings of warmth and love. These are not the emotionally charged highs and lows that come with sexual relations with a narcissist.
One minute you are feeling the hope of being worthy and adored. The next you’re feeling anxious, insecure and abandoned.
I really want you to understand that connection and sexual activity with a narcissist, if intensely compelling, is an addiction cycle. As with all addictions, this comes with the high of the emptiness and the craving being fulfilled. It’s otherwise known as “relief”.
This is akin to a person who is nicotine addicted, craving a cigarette, and then as soon as they draw in the first mouthful of smoke, there is the self-medication of escaping the anxious feelings of not having nicotine.
Yet, truly, as myself and so many other people who were able to give up smoking with NARP processes discovered, there was something much deeper going on emotionally than just nicotine addiction.
Smoking was really an act of trying to fill up and numb out an emotional trauma that wasn’t yet healed.
And it doesn’t work. If we don’t get to the bottom of why we are emotionally craving something that is not good for us, temporary fleeting relief happens when we connect to it, yet the anxiety is never truly fulfilled and healed.
It is always going to keep coming back, much worse than ever.
Sex with a narcissist is the same.
The Narcissist – The Representative of the Unhealed Wound
All addictions have this incredibly insidious cycle, they feel like they are granting us relief, yet they are bringing us more of the same of what we actually need the relief from.
How do you know if you are stuck in this cycle? You know when you are feeling dire emptiness and anxieties when you are going without sex with this person.
Jeannie craved Gary and his touch and lovemaking. If Gary hadn’t contacted her for a few days, professing that he was out of town, Jeannie could barely function.
She believed that this must be proof of her intense feelings of love for him.
It wasn’t until she found out that he had been having affairs all along and then confronted him, that she discovered it was as if she never existed for him.
After feeling beyond broken, Jeannie decided to give NARP healing a go.
In her new healed up Thriver life Jeannie is now with Mark enjoying safe, comfortable and healthy sex. There is zero anxiety when she is not with him.
As Jeannie said, “Until I healed I had no idea what healthy sex was!”
In Jeannie’s previous life, as it was for me and so many of us, we were connected emotionally and sexually to the people who completely and utterly represented our unhealed inner trauma programming.
Let me explain.
Let’s say that you were brought up in a family with a parent who was unavailable to love you. They were too busy and stuck in their own stuff and ignored you.
As a young child you desired connection with them. You may have tried all sorts of things to be noticed, held and loved, to little or no avail.
Your Inner Love Code, since you were a young child consisted of, “the people I love ignore me.” This then becomes, “I am not valuable or worthy of love.” This then means that you will unconsciously try to prove yourself and earn love regardless of how people love you back.
As your now programmed Love Code, this represents the people who are attractive to you. The people who you feel the most chemically bonded to fulfil the prophecy of that belief.
It’s your Love Code. It’s your literal Inner Identity in regard to love.
Sex as an adult represents that unmet and unhealed need for connection as a child. The younger part of you seeking resurrection and healing is hooked on wanting the original role models to do it better this time, and choosing the same unavailable people and program over and over again.
When the Sex Feels so Good
Maybe the sex isn’t that great, however you feel like this is the best sex of your life.
The more chemically charged it is, and trauma bonded, the more heightened the sexual experience can be.
Again think “relief”. The union of sex takes away the agony of separation from it, which really means the separation from being loved and feeling worthy.
Sexual connection with a narcissist is such a powerful bond, that can be incredibly confusing and painful.
It usually ends in disaster, because the cycles of devaluing and discarding inevitably get worse. To add horror to injury, often the narcissist will throw other sexual partners into the mix, leaving you feeling even more devastatingly replaced and abandoned.
Why is all of this happening? To awaken you to understand what is really going on, and why you can’t stop getting into bed with a narcissist, even when it means selling your soul out and compromising your dignity.
Penny had the horrific experience of throwing herself sexually at her narcissistic ex-lover, to try to avoid being replaced and abandoned.
Never before had she lowered her values and standards so much as to offer herself sexually on a plate to him no matter how badly he treated her.
Things got so bad for Penny that she really thought that if she didn’t stop doing this to herself that she would die – that is how serious it was.
(Please know Penny is not alone, you may know exactly what I’m talking about.)
Penny was urged by other members of this community to start doing the NARP work to get to the bottom of why she had lost all her honour, dignity and rights and was behaving in this way.
Thank goodness Penny stopped pursuing him and turned inwards to start her healing. It saved her life.
What she discovered was the young hurt parts of herself that had experienced her father emotionally abandoning her mother, herself and her siblings, and her mother’s pain, devastation and emotional absence as a result.
Penny had literal inner emotional terrors about being abandoned, which had never been healed. Unconsciously the lure of herself sexually was her tool to try to ensure this wouldn’t happen again.
Penny got to the inner work and down to the business of doing NARP Module One over and over again to clear out all of that old trauma.
She experienced profound relief. She stopped thinking about her ex-lover and all urges dissolved away. Because she had resurrected her Inner Being to be a mature healthy woman, instead of a traumatised little girl, Penny felt repulsed by the thought of contacting him again.
The spell was broken.
I really urge you, if you are suffering from sexual compulsion with a narcissist, to feel into your life in the past.
Does this person invalidate you and abuse you in ways that are familiar to you? Is this person distrusting of you in ways that remind you of how you were distrusted, and your boundaries were violated in the past?
Do you again feel like you’re having to prove your worth and value in order to be loved?
If you don’t know what exactly it is that you need to heal, please rest assured that if you do become a NARP member, that NARP bypasses your logical mind and takes you deeply inside yourself to find, release and reprogram the exact trauma that you need to heal.
You don’t have to work it out!
Your Sexual True Self and True Life
I have no doubt that great sex, otherwise known as ‘making love’, is the highest expression of Heaven on Earth. This is when two people can melt into each other in total surrender, becoming an explosion of joy and bliss infinite times greater than the individual parts of themselves.
There is an opportunity – within orgasmic conjoining – to know the true meaning of ‘Oneness’.
This Oneness is true “in-to-me-see”, the ability to completely be ourselves and “naked” with another.
This takes inner healing and development. It requires the willingness to face our unhealed previous business and heal it.
Maybe we have been trying to get love and connection in all the wrong ways.
Maybe we are trying to be the “incredible lover” so we can keep this person from really knowing our fears, our inadequacies, and the parts of ourselves we feel they will reject if they did find them out.
I know that this is really confronting stuff. I also know the glory of breaking through from all of the illusions and obsessions regarding narcissistic love, to get to the other side.
Namely, real, calm, loving and supported lovemaking with somebody who you can be truly naked with.
As well as a durably sustainable relationship with somebody who you can trust and build a life with.
The narcissist is never going to be this person.
If you are ready to embrace the healing and development necessary to get to this level then I’d love to help you.
And please know, with what’s going on in the world right now, with coronavirus, with all of my programs and healing, you don’t need to leave your house.
You don’t need to go to any physical groups and you don’t need to travel to therapists.
You can do profound and revolutionary healing in the comfort and safety of your own home. And you are also connected to an incredible Thriver Healing global support network that has your back at any time when you need help.
Okay, so I hope that this episode has really helped you, and I can’t wait to answer your comments and your questions below.