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The 4 Steps to Becoming Narcissist Proof

The 4 Steps to Becoming Narcissist Proof

 

Have you been narcissistically abused and fear it happening again?

Are you worried that the world is ‘full of narcissists’?

There is a very specific Quantum reason the narcissist came into your life – to blow open the wounds inside of you so you can turn inwards to heal and enjoy the best life you have ever known!

Today, we delve deeper into the TOP four Quantum Ways to inoculate yourself against narcissists for good because I NEVER want you to be susceptible again!

 

 

Video Transcript

Not everyone can be abused by narcissists.

If you don’t agree with me now, by the time you watch this video through to the end I hope you do.

If you want to never again be susceptible to a narcissist in your life – I’m going to share with you today the four absolute steps to being completely Narcissist Proof.

And the awesome thing is – as you will discover – this is not just about being free in life to play, create, enjoy and love without being worried about toxic people derailing you. More importantly, it’s about freeing you to be a more actualised, empowered, happier self than you ever believed was possible.

Okay, so before we get started, I want to remind you that if you haven’t yet subscribed to my channel please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Alrighty, now let’s jump right in…

 

Step Number 1 – Turn Inwards to Heal

If you are watching this video, chances are that you have been narcissistically abused and very understandably fear it happening again. Maybe you also feel totally disillusioned, angry and upset that the world contains so many narcissists.

I don’t know how many times I have shared the following truth with this community about narcissists: when you have no more inner wounds for narcissists to appear in your life as being the saviour of, draw you in with, trap you with and start attacking, there is no place for them in your life.

It’s Quantum Law – so within, so without. It is a total fallacy that narcissists come to you because you are already ‘whole’. They get in through our wounds, enmesh with us and then take our energy.

When we are whole, and even when we are dedicated to healing ourselves to wholeness, we can no more be infected and affected by a narcissist than a germ can infiltrate a sanitised surface.

Like so many of us, narcissists used to hook me through my fears of speaking up, the terror of abandonment, the inner feeling of emptiness and the anxiety that I couldn’t be safe and whole in life on my own.

It doesn’t matter how capable, resourceful and hardworking we are, if this is how we really feel on the inside then we are a prime target for a narcissist – especially if we have succeeded and achieved practically in life and have goodies on offer.

Just as so many others in this community have done, since I turned inwards and devoted myself to my most important mission – to clean up and heal my underdeveloped and insecure parts to wholeness – profound narcissistic inoculation has occurred.

I am no longer needy enough to give in to love bombing. I check out people thoroughly before committing any aspect of my life to them, and when doing so I make sure that things are solid and safe in a practical sense. And, I am very prepared to say ‘goodbye’ to someone who won’t take responsibility, care for other people’s emotions, or be honest and decent.

The old me never used to take time to get to know people. She was so steeped in the fears of ‘I need this to help me/complete me’ that I would throw all caution to the wind. Now, I can hold my space and ascertain things because I am generating my life with healthy inner and outer components. Addressing the inner first was totally necessary. When I hadn’t healed my inner traumas responsible for handing my power away – I was often duped, lied to and manipulated. This is what happens when we think other people are our Source and we don’t trust ourselves to be. We believe what we want to believe.

Here is the absolute formula to work out what your gaps are that you need to heal so as not to be suspectable to narcissists again. Ask yourself:

  • What did this person seem to offer me that I thought I needed from them?
  • What part of me thought that I couldn’t create this for myself?
  • What previous unresolved wounds do I have on this topic in my life?
  • What was I trying to receive from others in my past that I didn’t get, and that I was trying unsuccessfully to get from the narcissist this time?
  • Do I realise NOW that only I can turn inwards and love and heal this part of myself back to wholeness to stop this painful pattern and the possibility of narcissistic abuse in the future?

This person in your life is a False Source, pushing you to come inwards to heal and become your own True Source.

And when this happens, there is absolutely no desire, hook up possibility or susceptibility to choosing or staying with a False Source ever again.

Not your reality!

 

Step Number 2 – Stop Trying to Work ‘Them’ Out

If you want an amazing life – narcissism is not that life. It’s very interesting in my life how I help people recover from narcissistic abuse every day, and I’d like to share with you how my everyday reality goes.

I’m not in tune with at all who someone else is or isn’t being. This may sound crazy, but there is a much deeper truth going on here – I’m deeply in tune with who I am or aren’t being.

I’m the only entity I DO have control over, and working out and on me is my optimal position in Life because my entire experience, in my experience, is manufactured from the beliefs and alignment going on within me.

I know, as my own generative source, that if I keep releasing my fearful programs that made me terrified of people and their capacity, and if I don’t hide, shrink or sell out, or tip-toe on broken glass around people – then I CAN be a calm, clear, solid adult in my own body.

Just yesterday I was questioned by a person who I know can be confrontational. I told her the absolute truth, including my concerns about her, calmly and directly. If when I did this she had popped and even decided to leave my experience – so be it. That would have been meant to be.

I know that if I walk truthfully and honestly and confront and speak up as my authentic self, my life shapes around me accordingly, regardless of what anyone else is or isn’t doing.

I get asked all the time, ‘What if your ex narcs read or watch your stuff?’

My answer is, ‘So what if they do?’

People even say, ‘Maybe they get narcissistic supply from doing that?’

I reply, ‘So what if they do?’

Why on earth would I care about what other people think of me and what I do, and what they get out of it, when all that is important is how I feel about who I am and what I do?

What have I got to fear other than fear itself? And now, because of focusing and working on me and not them, I’m so thrilled I get to do it the easy way – with Quanta Freedom Healing I can release and live free of any fear.

When we are focused on developing ourselves and an amazing life, why would we focus on what narcissists are or aren’t doing and the possibility of running into one? I used to all the time – and I understand why we do this – because we are still carrying so much of the trauma of what happened with them inside us.

Hence why the inner work to release this trauma is so important.

When we start to live free of the fear, we know there is no purpose in deciding ‘the world is full of narcissists’, ‘I have to look out for them’, and ‘I have to protect myself against them’.

This is the truth about narcissists: they are False Selves who are infected with a terrible virus of unconsciousness. There is NO Real Self at the helm, and through people’s fear and pain (unhealed wounds) they attach and then drain out their lifeforce.

The complete inoculation from the narcissism virus is to stop making it all about them and make it all about healing, developing and extending you. Then they can’t touch you any more than a vampire can exist in the presence of a bright shining light.

As I was creating this episode in a café, I could have been dining with five narcissists in the room – and I couldn’t care less – I’m just doing my life fearlessly.

 

Step Number 3 – Enjoy the Journey of Releasing Yourself

Step Number 3 may not be obvious to you initially – but hear me out because this Step is vital!

When we finally start the journey of turning inwards and healing and releasing ourselves from our narcissistic abuse wounds – we may want to ‘get it all done NOW’. Can you relate? I used to be so like this. I was the A-type compulsive obsessive person healing my butt off morning, noon and night so that I could be all trauma free, evolved and clean and never have to heal myself again!

I know this sounds familiar to a lot of you.

Now I know the truth about this – we are imperfectly perfect. And, personally, I know that as I ascend more wounds appear to be released, because as I become lighter (more filled with Light) any dark and dense energy that is not my True Self must come up. It simply must be unpacked if I want to continue moving upwards in consciousness.

I promise you that the same truth exists for all of us.

Now I love this process of dense energy emerging from within or being triggered off by some event in my outer world; and no matter how busy I am, being committed to doing Quanta Freedom Healings on myself whenever I’m in need.

I know that if I don’t go within, I go without. I know that every time I turn inwards and release trauma energy and replace it with Source, the energy that was tied up in me trying to survive that wound is now freed up and available as a pure creative force.

When we release the uncomfortable, painful, anxious or even terrorising feelings from our body and fill where traumas were with Source, we immediately shift and feel free, at peace and extended.

It’s so funny how sometimes people ask me, ‘What are you thinking?’ and I say, ‘I am not thinking; I don’t like thinking.’

It’s true. The more Light that enters my Being the less I need to think, because I just have more and more Source running through me as me. Inspiration comes, things come, amazing things happen – it just is. I don’t need to think about much anymore except showing up to do whatever I feel good about doing.

Mind you, when trauma comes up it feels like trauma – and I love that it does, because each time I do the work to release it I just keep going up to a freer, more spacious trauma-free level.

Here’s the deal on this point – if we hate that trauma keeps coming up and we try to do all the work now so that it never will again, we are not living the process of becoming more whole one wound at a time.

Then we will resist the calling to go within and heal. We beat ourselves up for it, do a spiritual bypass, try to resolve it with our mind, and all the while keep the trauma’s energy trapped in our Being.

This makes us toxic and keeps us connected to people who represent this trauma and toxicity, no matter what we try to learn. The rule of thumb is – the more activated you feel to research how to get out of trauma rather than just releasing yourself from it, the more you will remain stuck in it.

Rather, if we just love and accept the process of the true reason why ‘stuff arises’ – to give us the opportunity to midwife our breakdowns of the Old Order into the grand breakthroughs of our True Self Order – then we are totally OUT of the loop of narcissists.

They are not on a frequency of applying this to their life at all!

So within, so without – unconsciousness can only connect to ongoing unconsciousness.

 

Step Number 4 – Be Grateful For Your Evolution

Of course, at first this can be so difficult because of the trauma and losses you have suffered.

If I can be so bold as to share with you what many of you already know, and understandably many of you don’t yet, narcissistic abuse is a powerful experience which wakes us up to the unhealed limitations, fears and insecurities that had always been standing between us and our True Life.

When I say True Life, I mean the life that is aligned with our True Self – being the only life that was ever going to gratify us.

When we turn inside to heal the things that get smashed by narcissists, our breakdowns turn into divine breakthroughs where we start enjoying the greatest joy, comfort and wholeness that we have ever known. So many people report this, even before real-life compensation appears.

As we heal our wounds and come home to ourselves, we start to experience a feeling of connection with Source, and ourselves and Life without fear and pain, and we realise that finally we are integrating back to Who We Really Are – free of human illusion, traumas and beliefs that have been plaguing us forever.

Life is forever changed as a result of narcissistic abuse, and not, as many people would have you believe, in a bad way. I have said to people over and over – you couldn’t give me 10 million dollars to go back to the person I was before narcissistic abuse. I have also replied many times to people who have said to me, ‘I am so sorry you had to go through what you did’ that I feel so blessed and grateful for going through what I did. Because, before narcissistic abuse I was carrying so many unhealed traumas that were my ‘normal’ that, if this hadn’t happened to me I would never have been forced to heal.

Here’s the real deal that I believe with all of my heart. There are no mistakes in what we go through – we are getting the evidence of our shadows so that we can wake up and make the unconscious conscious to turn inwards and finally release ourselves into our True Self and True Life.

When we can be gloriously grateful for this opportunity and grab it with both hands – why on earth would we require ‘more’ of the message (aka narcissists)?

The truth is we don’t!

We heal beyond the fears of speaking our truth.

We ascend above the terror of not being able to generate our own life.

We know how to connect to people with discernment, sensibility, truthfulness and maturity.

We are able to leave when abuse starts knowing that we are already whole within ourselves and will not accept less.

We can honestly tell people what we need from them and co-generate evolving healthy relationships with able others.

No longer are we trying to turn crumbs into cookies!

I loved what a dear Instagram Lady said, ‘Nah girl, I’m making bread!’

Love it!

So darling Thriver peeps – how about it? If you are with me write below, ‘I’m done with crumbs, I’m making bread!’

And, let’s go do this work together…to truly be narc free and Thrive. This is about going within and finding our gaps, up-levelling them and bursting forth into our True Self and True Lives, and leaving all this crap behind in the dust.

If it’s your time, come join me here, in my Thriver world, by clicking this link .

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

Oh, and I have mentioned it on my blog, but I want to share with my YouTube listeners too, that I am incredibly humbled and surprised regarding being nominated for the Kindred Spirit Awards 2019 – Personality of the Year!

It’s apparently a pretty big deal – Eckhart Tolle won it last year. I would be thrilled if you could take a moment to vote for me because this is really about voting about worldwide recognition for the Thriver Movement so that we can help end narcissistic abuse.

You can vote for me here:
ONLINE: Go to kindredspirit.co.uk/vote
VIA FACEBOOK: Go to the KS Facebook page: facebook.com/kindredspiritmagazine
The voting lines close on 30 June 2019.

Thank you Dear Thrivers!

And, as always, I am so looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 



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5 steps to take when leaving a bad marriage

5 Steps To Take When Leaving a Bad Marriage

5 steps to take when leaving a bad marriage

 

Leaving a bad marriage is not easy so if you’ve decided you want a better life and are putting an end to a toxic marriage, bravo! Recognizing that you’re in a bad situation is hard enough but then respecting and loving yourself enough to say you’re truly done is daunting but doable if you are truly ready to leave.

Here are 5 steps to take when leaving a bad marriage: 

1. Therapy

Can you afford therapy? If you’re leaving a bad marriage, you will need support and to work through the issues that have built up during the marriage. Another great reason to try therapy? When leaving a bad marriage, you may be tempted many times to go back to your ex and a therapist can support you on your journey towards a healthy you and either rebuilding a healthier marriage or, a healthier life ahead outside of the marriage. Many therapists will work on a sliding scale and if you cannot afford it, try speaking to someone you trust like a pastor or rabbi, etc.

2. Finances

Are you working or, are you a stay-at-home parent? If you aren’t, will you need to support yourself?  Most likely the answer is yes so start applying to jobs, even if you find something that’s simply right for the meantime. Any bit of money earned is a step towards your independence, which is crucial when leaving a bad marriage.

If you’re already working and you are the breadwinner of the family, stop and consider how divorce will impact your earnings. Speak to a local attorney and find out your state’s laws on child support and spousal support.

Let’s also not forget any debt you and your soon-to-be-ex may have. Are you prepared for how that could be divided during a divorce? Important things to consider.

More financial factors:

  • Do you have a bank account in your name only? If not, open one. What about a credit card? Open one as well.
  • If you’re a stay-at-home parent, can you brush up your resume because you will need to work after divorce? And can you find family or loved ones to help with childcare when you return to work?

3. See a Lawyer

If you are determined to divorce and your spouse isn’t willing to use a mediator, which is a more affordable option than a litigated divorce. Most lawyers will do free consults and will give you a decent idea of what you are heading into financially and if you have children, with regards to custody. It never hurts to be prepared and no: don’t tell your partner you’re consulting with a lawyer!

4. Line Up the Troops

If you have kids, start lining up support now. It is hard being a single parent so having family and/or friends, who will help you and your kids through the transition, especially if it’s an ugly toxic marriage, will be immeasurable. Some family may have a hard time agreeing with your situation even if the marriage is that bad, so tell family members you can count on to be helpful on this journey.

5. Mantras/ Stress Outlets

Ending a marriage whether it was a good or bad marriage is emotionally taxing. Start finding ways to decompress whether it’s through meditation, yoga, reading, weekly meet-ups with a friend for a beer, coffee, a football game, or a manicure, or going for a run.

Even more pressing, start to work on your way of thinking and how you view yourself and your ability to handle divorce stress. Daily positive mantras such as: “I deserve a better life” or “This will get better” or “I am whole on my own” are good ways to mentally train yourself to want better for yourself and help you through the dark periods of separation and divorce.

The bottom line? You deserve to be happy and if your bad marriage is not fixable, don’t feel bad about walking away.

The post 5 Steps To Take When Leaving a Bad Marriage appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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6 Steps to Express What Really Matters to You

6 Steps to Express What Really Matters to You

When each partner can express and respond openly to each other’s wants and needs, their intimacy can grow and deepen.

The post 6 Steps to Express What Really Matters to You appeared first on Divorce Magazine.

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before leaving your abuser

11 Steps To Take Before Leaving Your Abuser

before leaving your abuser

 

Breaking up a marriage where there are children involved is a heartbreaking and extraordinarily difficult decision for any mom to make. She may have no choice if she is being abused, whether verbally or physically.

Allowing the abuse to continue sets a bad example for her children and has a deep impact on them, even if they are not being subjected to abuse themselves. They will be more likely to grow up thinking that this pattern of behavior is normal, and become either an abuser or a victim of domestic abuse themselves.

As she is most likely the primary caretaker of her children, it is up to her to break the cycle of abuse in her family. Unless her husband is willing to acknowledge and make amends for his actions, go to a therapist, and permanently change his behavior, the only recourse she has is to end the marriage to protect herself and her children. It’s vital for her to not only take financial precautions, but also to practice self-care, and use stress reduction tools and healing techniques to get through this difficult time and begin to heal.

If you find yourself in this situation, take these important 11 steps before leaving your abuser.

1. Safety First. Your family’s personal safety is the only thing that really matters. If either you or your children are being subjected to physical violence, take them and leave the home right now. If you suspect that physical abuse may be imminent, take the children and leave right now.

Use the resources listed in the Emergencies Tab on the Breaking Bonds website, a free resource for abused women, to find a secure place to stay if you don’t have somewhere else to go. You can access the rest of the information on this website from a safe distance.

2. Have Money. Before alerting your abuser that you plan to leave him, set aside hard cash for emergencies and transfer up to half of the balances in the bank accounts to an account in your name alone. Have the bank mail the statements to a post office box instead of to your home. You will need to be able to pay bills until you are able to petition the court for financial assistance.

Abusers will frequently drain the accounts once they discover they are going to lose control over their victims in order to retaliate or to force them to drop the divorce petition or settle for unfavorable terms. Do not drain the joint accounts yourself and leave your husband without any funds, as that would be unethical.

Disclose what you have done with the money in your first meeting with your lawyer.  He or she may have different advice as to whether you should move funds to a separate account before filing for divorce. Inform him or her that an abuser will do whatever it takes to be punitive and maintain control, and it is highly likely that he will drain the household accounts as soon as he is aware that his wife plans to divorce him.

Although your attorney can ask the judge in your case to issue a temporary order to freeze your jointly held bank accounts, such measures will take time. You must have funds for the day-to-day living expenses for your family and to pay your attorney and court expenses in the meantime.

3. Go-to Bag. Prepare a go-to bag that contains contain cash, your driver’s license, credit cards, checkbooks, a list of your assets and debts, a set of clothes for you and the children, toys, court papers, your passport, birth certificates, medical records, marriage certificate, social security cards, medicines, insurance information, immunization records, welfare documents, immigration papers, and other legal documents. Keep copies of court papers in your possession to prove to the police that your spouse is violating a court restraining order if you have to summon them.

4. Make Copies. Make copies of bank and other financial statements, deeds, paystubs, recent tax returns, estate documents, and emails, texts, posts, or video that incriminate your abuser or prove his infidelity without alerting him that you plan to file for divorce. Store this evidence somewhere safe outside the home. Abusers frequently remove or destroy records once they become aware of the divorce.

5. Protect your Children. When you leave your husband, take your children with you to avoid losing custody of them. The courts may consider your leaving them behind to be abandonment, a sign that you are an unfit mother willing to leave them in danger. Or that you are lying about the domestic abuse. Even if your husband tries to intimidate you to leave without the children, do not let him force you to leave the house without them under any circumstances. Call the police if you must.

6. Document Abuse. Take pictures of any physical abuse and date them. Start documenting verbal abuse in a journal that you keep outside the home. If your abuser becomes violent, call the police immediately and have them take pictures to document the abuse. Make sure that you have written down the names of the officers who are present. Have your abuser arrested. If you give him a free pass, the abuse is likely to escalate. Protect yourself and your children.

7. Get Help. Use the Resources Tab on the Breaking Bonds website to find safety resources, therapists, and financial and legal assistance in your area.

8. Protect Credit. Before you file for divorce, obtain a credit card in your name alone. You may not be able to get credit based on your income alone, so make an application to get the card before you file for divorce so that you can qualify for credit based on your joint income with your spouse. As soon as you file, close any joint credit cards that have a zero balance and put a freeze the jointly held credit cards. You won’t be able to close them out completely if they still have a balance, but you can prevent any additional charges from being added to joint debt by freezing the account.

You are responsible for payment of any joint debt that you or your husband incurs during your marriage, even debt that your husband will ultimately be assigned in the settlement. Credit card companies are only concerned with whether you signed for the card, not the terms of a court order. Document all phone calls you make to the credit card companies and send them follow-up letters requesting that the lender report to the credit agencies that each of these credit card accounts was closed at your request.

Late payments and skipped payments will adversely affect your credit score for years to come, so do your best to make sure that payments are made by the due date for any debts you or your husband have incurred while the divorce is still going on. Your credit score will affect whether you can buy a home in your name alone or if you can refinance your existing home to remove your husband’s name afterward. It also affects the rate of interest that you will be charged on any loans you apply for in the future. Do what you can to protect your credit score.

9. Confide Well. Be careful whom you confide in. Some of your friends, colleagues, and family members may be judgmental or repeat to others what you have said to them in confidence. Even worse, the word may get back to your abuser. Do not confide in your children unless it is absolutely necessary, as they are dealing with enough emotional turmoil and deserve to have their childhood protected.

When discussing the situation with your children, say that you don’t feel safe living with their father or leaving them alone with him. Tell them that he does bad and scary things, not that he is a bad person. It is not necessary or helpful to elaborate. The best plan is to confide mostly in your therapist and your dog. Then give it to God.

10. Self-Care. Take care of yourself so that you can handle the stress of the divorce effectively. You will need physical energy and brainpower to deal with a very manipulative and unscrupulous opponent over a period of many months. Begin making changes now in your daily routine so that you get enough nutrients, exercise, and rest to feel empowered and think clearly. Mindfulness, deep breathing, meditation, prayer, time with friends and family, journaling, time outdoors, uplifting music, comedies, positive affirmations, massage, aromatherapy, and a daily gratitude practice are all wonderful tools to reduce stress and stay strong during this difficult time. Use the tools that work for you regularly to begin to heal. This will also boost your self-esteem and confidence.

11. Choose You. Choose not to be a victim any longer. Stop blaming yourself! He has been brainwashing you into thinking that everything is your fault. He is the one who is mistreating you and making your family life miserable. Take back your power and take appropriate action. Do not argue or engage with your abuser. Use your legitimate fear of him to protect yourself and your children. Use your anger, which is telling you that something is very wrong with your life, to overcome your fear and make the changes that you need in your life.

The post 11 Steps To Take Before Leaving Your Abuser appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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