There are many telltale signs that someone is a narcissist but 11 of them really stand out.
You need to know them and understand what they mean and how they impact your life.
These 11 signs are serious and are the basis of a quiz I have put together for you so you know the severity of narcissism you are dealing with.
Because this is the stuff that all narcissists do!
And … so that you can get to the bottom of all of this to understand if what you’re dealing with is mild, moderate or really, really extreme abuse, you can take a quick quiz to get your answer!
The quiz only takes a couple of minutes and is going to bring you so much clarity!
Can’t wait to share all this crucial information with you in today’s episode.
I’m so excited about today because it’s taken me quite some time to work out exactly what I’m going to be sharing with you.
Namely, in my opinion, the top 11 telltale signs of a narcissist, and what they are and what they mean.
Not just from the narcissist’s perspective, but also the impact that this has caused in your life.
Then, at the end of this episode, I’m going to connect you up with a very simple two-minute quiz, that will allow you to know with full clarity what level of narcissist you have been with, or are still dealing with.
Okay, so let’s dive in and check out the 11 signs that I believe conclusively identify narcissistic behaviour, starting with the first.
Number One: Refuses to be Responsible and Remorseful for Actions
This one is incredibly common with people who have Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).
How this manifests is as a refusal to be accountable. The narcissist will use all sorts of deflections and diversions to dodge taking responsibility for their behaviour.
And, because this person is not accountable, responsible or genuinely remorseful about how they hurt other people or the fact that they are committing pathological, manipulative and even criminal acts, they do not learn from their mistakes.
A narcissist simply does not grow up and become responsible. The same problems, the same behaviours and the same catastrophic effects continue to happen to them and other people in their lives.
If you’re with somebody like this, you will be tearing your hair out trying to get them to realise what they have done and apologise and make amends for it.
And you’ll be blown away regarding how this person continues to re-offend.
Any apology comes as a false apology. It comes way too late, and it may be used when nothing else will work to try to keep you hooked as narcissistic supply.
And when an apology does come, it will usually come with invalidating statements like, “I said I’m sorry! What more do you want?”
Which seriously is not an apology at all.
Number Two: Takes Offence to Real or Perceived Criticism
Narcissists “pop open” on a hair-line trigger.
They get bent out of shape by things that normal, emotionally mature adults just don’t get upset about.
Of course, everybody can have a bad day, when under stress. But narcissists consistently get moody, sullen and aggressive.
When a narcissist perceives that you said the wrong thing, they take umbrage, dish out tit-for-tat comments or punish you with the silent treatment. Or they exit the scene altogether as a way of abandoning you.
Or, the narcissist lines you up with a cruel ferocity that leaves you reeling.
All because you said something that their unreasonable, insecure False Self didn’t want to hear.
Maybe, you spoke up for your highly compromised violated needs or values.
Which of course, is not what the narcissist is in a relationship for. It’s fully all about them, and when you are not serving the monstrous ego adequately this is when you will see a narcissist unravel into childish and extreme behaviours.
Number Three: Is Critical, Hard to Please and Verbally Abusive
With a narcissist you are damned if you do and you are damned if you don’t.
You may try to twist yourself into the shape of a pretzel to appease this person, keep them happy or at the very least stop them from abusing you.
But it just isn’t possible.
The truth is the narcissist is such an inner seething pit of insecurity, pain and malfunction that he or she will lash out at close intimates.
The narcissist, trapped in such unconsciousness, believes you are the cause of their emotional disruptions.
Nothing could be further from the truth, yet the narcissist refuses to see it any other way.
Of course, being on the receiving end of such inhumane, devastating and maliciously cruel treatment will cause you to break down under such senseless and unrelenting abuse.
Number Four: Shows Disdain for Regulations and Makes Up Own Rules
Narcissists believe that they are a law unto themselves.
They hate being pinned down, and answerable to anybody.
The narcissist believes that if he or she were to fall in line, that this would reduce them to being “the same as everybody else”, which their False Self finds incomprehensible.
How can a False Self retain its fictitious engineered construction of vast superiority, if having to do what one is told?
Narcissists regularly flaunt their own way of doing things. They break the rules. They tell people what they want to hear and then do the exact opposite.
They even engage in criminal activities that fulfil the agendas of garnishing the energy, acclaim and things that the narcissist relentlessly chases.
Number Five: Is Charming and Loving then Devaluing and Discarding
A narcissist can switch from adoring you, to abhorring you on a dime.
This leaves you reeling.
One minute you think how loved up this person is with you, and then this person hates you and tells you why they don’t want to be with you anymore.
Or, if it’s a non-intimate partner narcissist, somebody else in your life, you may have felt like you’ve just had a breakthrough and got some kind of acceptance and understanding with this person, and then they turn on you mercilessly again.
It’s not normal, and it is one of the most devastating things to go through, thinking finally you have some safety and sensibility with this individual, and then they pull the rug out from underneath you harder than ever.
When the narcissist is full of supply they can be the most delightful, loving creatures you could ever imagine. However, any high of temporary “fullness and happiness” is short-lived.
As soon as the narcissist starts plummeting into being low on narcissistic supply, then the demons erupt. This is when the narcissist will lash out at close intimates who are easy targets if they’re already hooked.
To try to escape their own self-annihilating feelings, narcissists project out onto you lots of insane accusations and assumptions, including what they are doing themselves.
Number Six: Engages in Pathological Lying and Cheating
Narcissists lie. It’s just what a False Self does.
The narcissist knows, conceptually, that other people think lying is unacceptable, yet the narcissist believes that lying is fair game to secure the agenda that is needed to get narcissistic supply.
This means that a narcissist will tell anybody exactly what they want to hear, to be able to snare them as an energy source and fulfil their own agenda. It also means that the narcissist will withhold, twist and turn facts and divert blame to avoid the narcissistic injury of being held accountable for wrongdoing.
In the devaluing stage, when the narcissist projects their wounds onto somebody, they can come up with the most outrageous lies about that person in order to discredit them and to try to destroy their life.
In the final discard stage, this is incredibly apparent.
Narcissists are equally capable of adultery and sexual promiscuity, without any remorse at all. It’s a very rare person who hasn’t discovered the pathological lying and cheating that a narcissist has done.
Naturally, this is incredibly shocking, especially when a narcissist will look you straight in the eye and tell you that they have never done these things.
It’s a huge shock to discover that they certainly do.
Number Seven: Uses Defence Mechanisms When Confronted
Narcissists twist, turn, abuse, confuse, blame and attack when confronted about wrongdoings.
There are in fact around twenty defence mechanisms that narcissists use, and they all make you feel like your head is going to spin off your shoulders and explode.
It’s beyond mental!
If you are arguing with somebody who refuses to stay on topic, completely invalidates your feelings, uses tit-for-tat retaliations, and brings in allies real or imagined to back up their arguments, and twists and turns facts in ways that are nonsensical and completely delusional, this is a sure sign that you’re dealing with a narcissist.
You truly would get more sense from an angry five-year-old.
Number Eight: Engages in Smearing and Discrediting You
Narcissists like to learn about the deep mechanics of other people. Things such as their past, their secrets and what makes them tick.
If there are any vulnerabilities or cracks, the narcissist holds onto these like aces in a poker game.
Once you’re in the devalue and discard stages, a narcissist will use personal information against you to get narcissistic supply and attention from other people, to discredit you and even to try to destroy you.
This is all about fulfilling the narcissist’s agenda, of outing you so that the narcissist can take over your position, or dismantling and destroying you when the narcissist has decided that you are no longer appropriate in his or her life.
Absolutely outrageous lies can be used, as well as stretching the truth and only giving one side of a story.
Anything that you have said or done in retaliation can and will be used against you, making you out to be the crazy and unstable one.
Number Nine: Glorifies Achievements and Self
Narcissists talk about the Glory Days, meaning any of their past notable achievements, real or fabricated. It’s the same stories over and over and over about how wonderful, incredible or special they are.
The narcissist hangs onto this as a shiny penny, designed to self-medicate when low on narcissistic supply or to suck energy from others.
Narcissists also take over conversations. They are terrible listeners, are not interested in your life at all and can’t wait to butt in and switch the conversation back to themselves.
The narcissist knows more, has done it better, and is a greater authority than anybody else.
He or she is not interested in you (apart from in the love-bombing phase where attentiveness makes you bond with them) and is only interested in sucking energy from you, while they talk all about themselves.
A narcissist starts feeling low on narcissistic supply if anyone else is getting the energy and the attention. If the conversation is not about the narcissist, they will have to steer it back to them, disrupt everyone, or leave the room.
Number 10: Is Unable To Express Genuine Compassion and Empathy
A narcissist can pretend to be compassionate and empathetic when trying to secure an agenda.
However, you will discover that this person simply does not have the resources to be genuinely compassionate and empathetic.
A narcissist will regularly step on people’s toes, without having the filter to even realise that they’ve done so, and then are totally void of any compassion or empathy afterwards.
People are objects to a narcissist; they are not real individuals. As far as the narcissist is concerned people are there to serve her or him and are not valid in any other way.
A narcissist may dissolve into a show of incredible compassion and empathy when you’re walking out the door, you’ve had enough, and the narcissist is terrified about losing you as narcissistic supply. But if you succumb and fall back into the narcissist’s arms, things before long will be back to normal. In fact, even worse than ever.
Number 11: Is Capable of Atrocious Behaviour that Damages People and Their Resources
Speaking of having to lash out and hurt you, narcissists do this all the time. Either purposefully or inadvertently.
It’s purposeful when the narcissist has decided that you have not appeased the False Self adequately.
How dare you not grovel, succumb, or jump over higher and higher hoops to serve his or her Majesty. If you try to do things your own way, then the narcissist will take massive umbrage.
As far as the narcissist is concerned you need to pay for this with a level of maliciousness that certainly doesn’t match the supposed crime.
The narcissist’s punishment is inadvertent when the narcissist is simply going about the business of being a narcissist, which means nobody else figures in the equation. If there are a few corpses thrown into gutters along the way, so be it.
This means taking what is yours and using it to feed themselves. Everything is up for grabs, including your sanity, body, health, Life Force, time (months, years, decades), resources, money and contacts.
These 11 Signs Are Serious
I know that if you are dealing with a narcissist in your life, as you watch this episode, you will relate to so much of it. Because this is the stuff that all narcissists do!
These understandings quite possibly go much further than the usual criteria that the general public may know about, or even the psychological community talks about.
I believe it is crucial that you understand what you have really been going through.
Okay, so now the exciting part is you can get to the bottom of all of this, the really true answers regarding the level of narcissism that you are dealing with. Is it mild, is it moderate or is it really, really extreme?
As a result of taking this quick quiz, you will get your answer!
So all you need to do is go to this link and fill the quiz out, it’s really simple.
Then, after you complete this quiz, you will also receive my seven-day Narcissist Freedom Guide, which will come each day straight to your email.
This guide is cutting-edge information, tailored specifically for your situation, regarding whether you are dealing with an intimate partner, a family member or another type of narcissist, as well as the level of narcissism that you are dealing with.
It is some of my best information, condensed down into a powerful seven-day series.
This, including the quiz results, is all completely free and carries no obligation whatsoever. Please know that you can unsubscribe at any time.
I hope that you enjoyed this episode and that it has enlightened you a lot.
Okay so go to the quiz, it will only take you a couple of minutes. It’s going to give you much-needed clarity.
And, as always, I look forward to answering your comments and questions below.