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Understanding Trauma and the Cycles of Narcissistic Abuse

Understanding Trauma and the Cycles of Narcissistic Abuse

Do you feel caught in a narcissist-inflicted cycle of abuse?

Which part of the cycle are you at?  Is it idolise? Or is it devalue? Or maybe you’ve been discarded?

Each phase is traumatising, deeply so, exactly because they know how to hook into your unhealed trauma and make it hurt.

First, they will purport to fulfil all your dreams and desires and then turn them against you one by one.

In today’s Thriver TV episode I’ll explain to you how to relate these cycles of abuse to the trauma that we are experiencing in our body.

I deeply hope this helps you, by being able to untangle what is going on, so that you can access a faster and much more powerful recovery journey.

 

 

Video Transcript

Today, I want to truly help you understand trauma and how it relates to the cycles of narcissistic abuse.

There are three main cycles of narcissistic abuse that are perpetrated on you, these are idolise, devalue and discard. You may have heard about them and studied them.

But how do these cycles relate to the trauma that we are experiencing in our bodies at the time of these stages?

I hope that not only will you find this episode fascinating, but that it will also help grant you vital information regarding your recovery from narcissistic abuse.

Okay, so just before we get started I’d like to thank all of you who have subscribed to my channel for supporting the Thriver Mission and spreading the word that it is now possible to heal for real from narcissistic abuse.

If you haven’t yet subscribed, please do so by clicking the link below this video.

Okay, so now, let’s get started!

 

The Trauma of “Idolise”

In the love bombing stage of narcissistic abuse, the narcissist is hooking into our past traumas.

Let me explain. These are the traumas of not feeling seen, heard or met.

Maybe, we felt invisible in a family of origin or in previous relationships. Yet, now, the narcissist has turned on the love gushing and attentiveness in such a way that we feel SO “met”. This causes us to feel like a parched person lost in the desert who has just found their oasis.

Narcissists are highly skilled at working out very quickly what has hurt you and what you are missing in your life. They then turn it on to seemingly grant you the rectification and a surplus of these specific things.

Thus, you bond very quickly with this person and let them into your heart, soul and life. It totally is the feeling of having connected with your soul mate.

In relation to a family member, or a work colleague or friend or another connection in your life, the idolise stage is about flattering you or being nice to you in order to groom and mine you to fulfil their own agenda.

Trusting the narcissist is vital for them to secure narcissistic supply, which is the energy from you that allows him or her to feel that they exist.

Possibly, you have experienced deception, betrayal and even adultery in your previous relationships. If a high functioning narcissist realises this, then they can purport to you that honesty, loyalty and monogamy are very important values to them and that they would never hurt you.

Of course, you may feel like you have hit the jackpot!

The same goes if you feel that you have been engulfed, controlled and distrusted previously, and this person seems to grant you space and trust in spades!

Here is this dream person you have been waiting for all your life!

Of course, we can say “How horrible that people dupe people in this way, pretending to be something that they aren’t!” Yet I promise you that thinking you’ve been “duped” equals how to lose regarding taking your power back and generating your safe, loving and healthy life.

As a Thriver, it’s vital to understand that we are responsible for our own boundaries and not to put them in the hands of other people who could be lying to us!

Healing and empowering and shoring up our own lives is never about stopping everybody else from lying, it’s about us being anchored in our loyalty, truthfulness and healthy boundaries to ourselves.

Absolutely, once upon a time, I chose to trust people blindly, even when my Inner Being was flashing extreme warning signs to me.

I ignored the signs because I didn’t want to speak up, rock the boat or risk this person leaving me because I didn’t “trust” them.

Now, as a result of trusting myself, I understand the following truths that apply to all of us regarding the previous traumas that have caused us to be susceptible to pathological and toxic individuals.

These understandings are vital to shore up not being able to lay boundaries or create our healthy and safe truth regardless of what other people are or aren’t doing:

1) If we inwardly meet the traumas from our birth families and previous relationships and heal them, then we will not be susceptible to somebody offering us “being saved” from these traumas. We have already achieved that for ourselves.

2) When we are healed and whole, we can take our time with people and get to know their character before committing our soul, body, life and finances to them.

3) If we have done enough inner work on our traumas, we can be ourselves. Meaning we can easily speak up, have the difficult conversations and be willing to walk away from any person and deal that starts to become unhealthy for us.

Okay now let’s get onto the next stage of the narcissistic abuse cycle.

 

The Trauma of “Devalue”

In the devaluing stage of narcissistic abuse, the narcissist is triggering our past traumas as well – the traumas of being invalidated, unloved and others not recognising us as good and honest people.

When the narcissist switches from being attentive, loving and caring, into starting to attack the very wounds that we thought that he or she was easing for us, it is intensely painful.

The promise of love, wholeness and safety that we were feeling, is now in dire jeopardy.

In regard to a family member, or any other narcissistic relationship, it’s extremely painful that this person, now, is not treating us how they should.

After feeling seen, heard and met (in the idolise stage) now there is cruel indifference, insults and abandonment.

After once being assured of loyalty and fidelity, we are now incredibly anxious that the narcissist is being disloyal and even adulterous behind our back.

After believing that we are honoured and given space and trusted, the accusations and insinuations start flying. And they cannot be appeased or resolved, no matter what we say or do.

What is happening?

The life that we thought we would be having with this person, or should be having, has turned into a nightmare.

Again, we get horrifically hooked into the insanity of it all, fighting to try to get this person to return to the “wonderful” person who we believe they should be. The harder we try to get them to do this, the worse things get.

So many of us have been there.

I was there too, fighting for accountability, sensibility and kindness that were impossible to get, and experiencing escalating abuse every time I tried.

What is the message in this?

This … the narcissist was never going to stop this behaviour or help us heal because he or she is not the saviour of these traumas.

The narcissist is the messenger of them.

What is it that is getting triggered from within you?

For me it was injustice, invalidation, betrayal and feeling intensely engulfed and distrusted.

These have been traumas which had plagued me all my life, and as a result of narcissistic abuse, they had hit critical mass. They were making me sick; they were breaking me down, they were destroying the fabric of my very Inner Being.

I was being attacked by him with my wounds. They were the bullets that he was using against me.

I had missed this message before. Now it was a whopping great billboard that had almost completely flattened me.

The message is the same as it is for all of us …

Turn inwards and become our own saviour by finding and healing these original traumas that are keeping us hooked into the narcissist trying to force him or her to “do it differently this time”.

The truths to embrace in this stage of the narcissistic abuse cycle are:

1) If we heal the traumas that are being dreadfully triggered in the devaluing stage, then we will emerge unaffected, no longer trying to get the narcissist to stop behaving like this. This is because we are no longer triggered by this person.

2) Then, because this behaviour is no longer our reality, (we no longer have the inner wounding that matches it) we will speak up, lay boundaries and leave if healthy behaviour is not forthcoming.

3) There is no longer a need for “closure”, “accountability” or the narcissist to “get it” or “make amends”. We have taken the gift of our own healing and evolution forward as well as the personal resolution and up-levelling in our life that was necessary.

4) In the future, we can be very quick to reject people who don’t have the resources to have healthy relationships with us. This is because we are no longer playing out the painful unconscious patterns of our old original wounds.

 

The Trauma of “Discard”

In many ways, this stage of the cycle triggers the most intense and panicked emotions of all.

This is where we come face-to-face with the huge terror of “abandonment”.

This one was enormous for me, as it is for so many of us who have experienced narcissistic abuse.

When I was abandoned by both narcissists, I freaked out. I would feel like I was dying. I would literally shake and even vomit with the terror of being “left to die”.

This deep primal trauma is embedded in so many of us, deeply within our Inner Identity.

When it goes off within us, we may hand over all our rights, values and even soul to try to not be abandoned. We can’t stop going back to the narcissist, even though he or she may be treating us terribly.

This is why, when separating from him or her, despite the horrific abuse, you can’t seem to let go, move on, stop obsessing or believe that you can live without this person.

There can be many deep inner wounds tied up into these feelings, but fundamentally “abandonment wounds” as well as trauma bonding is the reason for this. Such wounds are why it is so hard to stop breaking No Contact or move on from the obsession of what happened to you.

Personally, I know that if I hadn’t turned inwards to find and completely heal my abandonment traumas that I would not be alive today. They were literally killing me.

My heart goes out to so many of you who I know and recognise are dealing with these deep primal wounds as well.

These traumas powerfully hijack your entire being and have a life of their own. Mere logic or any amount of talk therapy and cognitive information can be completely useless in the face of such intense and engulfing urges.

This is what I know is necessary when this critical mass breakdown hits you:

1) Going within with an effective tool to find, load up and release those panicked, powerful traumas in order to go free from them, is what will save you. My NARP Program does this more effectively than anything else I know. It removes the panic and the intense addictive urges to reconnect, allowing you to stay away and safe.

2) Once you are no longer triggered into young and powerless wounds that have been causing you to retain connection to somebody for deep primal needs of survival, then you start to emerge as a healthy and whole self-generative adult force of your life to yourself. (The relief of this is indescribable!)

3) Going forward you are in a much more solid, mature and whole inner emotional position to make healthy choices regarding people and situations and look after yourself no matter who or what other people are doing.

4) This establishes a powerful healthy platform to be attracted to other healthy and whole mature people in your future.

 

Trauma Recovery is Key

You may have realised that my work is ALL about trauma recovery.

Trauma is responsible for everything in our life that derails us.

Trauma is not our natural state. As humans, we think that it is normal because it has been a normal part of the traumatic human experience, but in no way is it natural.

Trauma is not Who We Really Are.

The experience of narcissistic abuse and its three cycles are all about forcing us to our knees to go within to face and release ourselves from the trauma that has been causing us to have less than humane, fulfilling and safe interpersonal experiences.

When we emerge as trauma free, we are able to make healthy and empowered choices, that eliminate unhealthy people and situations from our life.

I hope that this has helped inspire you to know that there is a way out, no matter what stage of the cycle of narcissistic abuse that you’re in.

If this deeply resonates with you, I would love you to check out my NARP program, which to date, humbly, is the most effective trauma releasing and healing system that I know of to move you up and beyond narcissistic abuse.

As well as anything else that you feel plagued and stuck with.

You can learn more about NARP by clicking this link.

And, as always, I look forward to answering your comments and your questions below.

 

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Cognitive Dissonance – How Narcissistic Trauma Bonding Creates It

Cognitive Dissonance – How Narcissistic Trauma Bonding Creates It

 

You may or may not know what Cognitive Dissonance really is.

It is the confusion of having justifications for staying bonded to somebody who is hurting us.

In other words, emotionally it is feeling horrific to stay, yet you find that you are under the spell of the narcissist no matter how badly he or she is treating you.

Many people don’t understand the real truth about why Cognitive Dissonance takes place, or the real reasons for it.

That’s what today’s Thriver TV episode is all about, explaining to you exactly why you are stuck in Cognitive Dissonance, and how to break free from it forever.

 

 

Video Transcript

Trauma bonding is a narcissistic abuse phenomenon. It makes it incredibly difficult to break away from somebody who is hurting us.

Logically this doesn’t make sense. Why would we stay with somebody who is really bad for us and who is ripping our life and soul apart?

How have we been able to reconcile and justify what is happening to us, in order to stay?

The reason that we do this is because we are suffering from Cognitive Dissonance.

And today I can explain to you what that REALLY means in this Thriver TV episode.

But before we get into the truth about why we stay attached, I’d like to thank each and every one of you for subscribing to my channel and for supporting the Thriver Mission.

And, if you agree with my philosophies, and haven’t yet subscribed, I’d love you to please do so, and please also pass my videos on to those in need.

Okay, so now let’s do a deep dive into what Cognitive Dissonance really is.

 

What is Cognitive Dissonance?

Cognitive Dissonance means we are experiencing two opposing ideas that are creating confusion.

A simple example of this would be the thoughts of, “I want to stay home and relax, but I’d really like to meet up with friends tonight”.

In the case of narcissistic abuse, an example of Cognitive Dissonant thoughts could go like this, “He/she is so abusive. I need to leave to save myself” with “He/she is only behaving like this because of a horrible childhood. I should stay and fix this”.

The Cognitive Dissonance creates the excuses for not pulling away and taking care of ourselves.

Other forms of Cognitive Dissonance can be “reasons” such as, “I know this relationship is meant to be, and I am going to stay and see it through” or worse still, “He really is a great guy, it’s me with all the problems, and I know I make him act like this” or “If I love him enough, I know I can heal him” or “I’m the only person that truly understands her. I can’t leave her, it’s my duty to stay and love her with everything I have”.

We decide to make our choices aligned with these reasons, even though our Inner Being is screaming “Wrong Town! I am breaking down!”

Why do we do this?

Why do we go with a version of truth in our head rather than listen to our emotions which are the Soul Truth of our entire life?

Because we are trauma bonded.

What does that mean?

Let’s investigate.

 

The Real Truth About Trauma Bonding

I have written a great deal about trauma bonding in the past, and there are so many ways that the narcissist behaves, which trigger us into our unhealed histories and insecurities and hook us into trying to resolve them with the person who is hurting us.

You can read more about trauma bonding here (Trauma Bonding – Is It Love Or Something Else).

Yet, when we get deeply underneath all of this, we understand the bottom line of what is really going on. It’s to do with our subconscious belief systems in relation to any topic in our life. These are the driving force of our life that hooks us up with the people, situations and events that exactly match those beliefs.

If our Inner Identity holds the belief, as a result of a traumatic past, generational wounds or painful and devastating childhoods and future adult relationships, of “Love hurts” or “The people who love me leave me/replace me/invalidate me/annihilate me” (and the list goes on and on) then this is what we continue to experience in our life.

Narcissists are famous for delivering this.

And of course, understandably, we have also formed the Inner Identity beliefs of, “I am not worth loving”, “There must be something wrong with me”, “I am incapable of getting love or my life right”. So naturally, we continue going through this over and over again.

Neuroscientists now know that our subconscious controls 40 billion bits of information per second throughout our entire systems, whereas our logical mind only controls 40 bits per second.

What do you think is pulling the strings of your life? Your almighty subconscious or your conscious thoughts?

Okay, so at this point, you may be wondering what all of this has to do with trauma bonding and Cognitive Dissonance?

Well, everything!

Your mind will come up with all the excuses and justifications to create the validity of the traumatic program.

The brain, with its limited power, defaults to agree with the powerhouse of the already existing subconscious programs.

As revolutionary neuroscientist, Dr. Joe Dispenza says, “The brain follows the body always”.

 

How Do You Escape Trauma Bonding and Cognitive Dissonance?

I will share with you how I achieved this.

I completely embraced that the Inner Belief systems I had in relation to love and relationships were filled with pain. All of my life I had felt unloved, unlovable and unworthy of love.

And of course, I’d been attempting to cover this up. I’d been trying to be worthy of love with all my might, by trying to be what I needed to be for others to love me.

Additionally, I realised that I had been making the excuses and justifications to stay with people who hurt me, and I tried to change and fix them, rather than let go and heal myself.

To rectify this, once and for all, I knew my life going forward had to be an inside job.

It was all between me and me. Focusing on anybody else was not going to give me my emancipation from this.

Most people, before understanding the deeper truths, when attempting to heal from Cognitive Dissonance try to address the problem at a level that it doesn’t exist.

They try to do it logically. The problem exists in the subconscious, not in the cognitive mind.

The issue is not the thoughts that are the “reasons” you are staying attached. These thoughts are a symptom of what is going on in the subconscious programs. Unless the subconscious programs are addressed, the thoughts will keep coming back, because the brain is following the body.

It doesn’t matter how much we talk, research and even get cognitive therapy, we may be able to hold healthier decisions for a short amount of time, yet the powerhouse of the 40 billion bits per second will have its way.

A deep shift has to happen on the inside of you, within your Inner Identity, and then your brain will follow.

Are you having the epiphany yet about why you are coming up with reasons and justifications for staying attached, or breaking no contact, or trying to go in and get accountability even though you know you can’t? Despite knowing how much extra pain it brings every time you do it?

Is it becoming clear to you what is really going on deep within you beneath the level of your conscious understanding?

If you really do get it now, I want you to stop this video and write below, “Bingo! I get it!”

That’s essential if you are going to break free from this.

You can’t know the following that I’m about to share with you, until you get to the other side of this, but I promise you it is true.

Organically, without these traumas, you are a whole, self-generative, self-honouring person who would no sooner be connected to painful and traumatic love, than a health-conscious person would eat a greasy hamburger.

I hope that this has truly helped.

Okay, so if you have had enough of the pain, and you know it’s your time to become healthy on the inside, then that’s precisely the healing work I provide.

All you need to do to get started is click this link. 

And, if you enjoyed this video please give it a like, and share with people who you know are stuck in justifications that are keeping them bonded with people who are hurting them.

And, as always, I am so looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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Understanding The 4 Levels Of Trauma Inflicted By Narcissists

Understanding The 4 Levels Of Trauma Inflicted By Narcissists

 

Narcissistic abuse creates terrible levels of trauma that is so impactful that it affects every area of your life.

There are four levels of trauma that narcissists inflict and these are virtually consistent for everyone who has been abused by someone of this calibre.

In this video I share with you what it is like to lose our grip on reality, be horrifically betrayed, lose the ability to trust, and suffer terrible financial and health devastation.

Which, I know, is very likely to have been your experience! And I care about that deeply, because I know your life doesn’t need to remain devastated.

This is why, I also explain to you exactly how you can resurrect yourself from these four levels of trauma into a life that is not just recovered, but truly Thriving.

 

 

 

Video Transcript

Interpersonal relationship problems can be very traumatic.

Interpersonal relationships with narcissists take trauma to extreme levels.

The trauma sustained from narcissistic relationships is so impactful that it literally floods our Inner Being with survival programs that activate terror, horror, helplessness and powerlessness.

When we are crippled with these emotional states, it is virtually impossible to function, let alone access either the solutions or the ability to rebuild our life.

In today’s Thriver TV episode, I want to explore the four levels of trauma inflicted on us by narcissists, what it does to us, and the way to heal from this and resurrect our life.

Because I promise you in all these four levels of trauma inflicted by narcissists, are four resurrections that will elevate and evolve your life in ways that will literally hand to you your True Self and True Life.

But before we start this deep dive, I would like to thank you for subscribing to my channel and for supporting the Thriver mission. If you haven’t yet subscribed, I would love to invite you to please do, as well as like this video and share it with others who could benefit.

Alright, let’s get started …

 

Level Number One: Reality Is Skewered

The first level of trauma inflicted by narcissists is that you start to lose grip on the truth. You don’t know what is real and or what isn’t anymore. You want to believe in the good in people, and you want to believe that what they are telling you is the truth. This person is looking you straight in the eye, possibly even telling you what you want to hear and what you want to believe in, yet the real-life evidence that keeps emerging is the opposite.

You want to believe this person, and if deeply enmeshed with a narcissist, your literal security and future, let alone emotional stability, probably depends on it.

When we are trauma bonded to somebody, meaning staying attached even when our security, health, emotions and emotional state are suffering, it means that you are now actively engaged in cognitive dissonance. And it means you are having to come up with excuses and justifications in order to rationalise the emotional trauma that you are experiencing, and why you are staying.

This means, whilst ignoring your intuition, which is trying to warn you that things are unwholesome, unsavoury and unsafe, you may be telling yourself things like, ‘I’m sure it will all work out in time’, ‘Surely he or she isn’t manipulating me’, ‘No matter what happens I’m positive I can deal with it’, or all the other elaborate lies that we tell ourselves. I know myself, as well as so many others who ignored the painful inner screams of their intuition, did so at a very hefty price, especially where narcissists are concerned.

Resurrection Number One: Becoming Self-Partnered Brings Truth and Power

The Thriver message, recovery and healing path in all of this, is to come home to yourself and be self-partnered to the level where you are healing your Inner Being, aligning with your intuition and starting to live in truth, backing your own values and healthy needs, regardless of what other people are doing. Many of us, never really knew what that was, until requiring Thriver recovery from narcissists.

By turning inwards to meet and start releasing your wounds with complete self-love and self-devotion, powerfully creates you being self-partnered.

To have the experience of discovering what being self-partnered really means, I’d love you to join me in my free webinar.

If you haven’t yet done it, I can’t suggest it enough because you’ll start feeling what self-partnered is. You’ll see the link to that with this video.

Level Number Two: Feelings of Betrayal Are Triggered

After being lied to by narcissists, and horrifically abused by them, we feel deeply betrayed. This is an incredible trauma activated within us, that can even destroy our faith in interpersonal relationships altogether.

This is a fracture to the very fabric of your Inner Being which of course profoundly desires connection. Yet, how can you risk connecting, and letting somebody deeply into your inner world and emotions ever again?

Maybe, after being narcissistically abused, and feeling soul raped at this level, you may feel it would be impossible to trust another human being again.

I completely understand this, because I used to feel like this too.

Resurrection Number Two: Becoming a Source To Yourself

I want you to know though, with all of my heart, there is a way to heal all of this. It starts with understanding one of the greatest lies that we have all been fed, as human beings, in regard to relationships.

We believed that it was other people’s responsibility to give us our own wholeness, meaning our own levels of love, approval, security, and survival. As children, this was very true, that was our parents’ or guardian’s job. Sadly, many of our adult caretakers were brought up in less than emotionally healthy environments and may never have been whole and healthy enough themselves to be able to effectively do that job.

It’s incredible to see in our world that the most important education of all, how to be a healthy, emotionally whole person, imparting and granting this essential human foundation to one’s offspring, is not the number one curriculum on this planet. It’s not even a subject that is taught on this planet.

Via narcissistic abuse, this make or break deal fractured our inner relationship with ourselves as well as the ability to create healthy ones with others. Now, we have the opportunity to wake up to the truth — that recovery requires healing our relationship with our Self to establish the love, approval, security, survival, wholeness, and capacity that we need to be for ourselves.

Then we will no longer hold people responsible and cling to them, as we did as children, trying to make these people grant us ourselves.

I found personally, as well as in the lives of so many Thrivers who have worked with NARP, that as a result of releasing our traumas and returning back to our True Self state, we understand the greatest truth of all — our levels of love, approval, security and survival really have nothing to do with other people or whether or not they could betray us. All along, this was really about how we were betraying ourselves, unknowingly, by putting the generation of our truth, value and our entire life into the hands of others, as we did as of course we did as children when we had no choice in the matter.

As adults we do have a choice; we can heal and develop to fully take on this responsibility for ourselves.

Then we know nobody can betray us unless we’re betraying ourselves.

 

Level Number Three: Loss of Resources

Narcissistic abuse is not just painful, it’s usually materially incredibly expensive. The amount of money and resources that gets thrown away trying to survive these relationships is horrific. Narcissists are like a black hole that suck not just energy, health and sanity, they also gobble up finances — literally.

It is extremely common as a result of narcissistic abuse to lose much if not everything you have worked your whole life for, up to that point.

This happened to me, and it happens to more people than you could even imagine. Many people believe that this means that they will never be able to rebuild and that their life will never be the same. It’s understandable why people think like this because narcissistic abuse often happens to people in midlife and beyond.

Naturally, if we have been very attached to achievement and accomplishments as our core identity, the trauma that we suffer through material loss is devastating. More than it just being an ego injury, it also may trigger within you the white-hot terror of not believing that you are going to be able to survive.

This was definitely the case for me. The horror was so bad, I thought I would die.

Resurrection Number Three: Truly Valuing Yourself

The necessary shift out of the trauma of all of this is to wake up to another profound truth, that the value of my soul was far greater than the perceived value of my accomplishments.

Personally, I was never going to rebuild anything in my life if I didn’t start from the bottom up, which was understanding that I was valuable and worthy as a human being, as I was, regardless of what I did or didn’t have.

It wasn’t until I was willing to love, approve, accept and partner with myself, traumas, financial devastation and all, that life itself and all of the resources in life could begin to do so as well.

The gift in my resurrection from shocking financial trauma was being able to finally anchor into the truth that I am safe and whole, and flourished and nourished by all of life simply because I exist. In no way did healing my beliefs at this core level make me delusional or lazy or entitled. Rather, it allowed me the ability to feel inspired and flowing without fear, without the necessity to try to produce material wealth in order to feel worthy or as a requirement to survive.

It also allowed me to accept opportunities, support and abundance in droves from life itself, matching my newly established healthy belief systems.

Finally, for the first time in my life, it allowed me to rebuild my life from a place of joy, purpose and inspirational creation without conditions on the outcomes.

Losing everything I had, to finally heal my fractured survival beliefs, was more than worth it.

The reason I am sharing my profound personal soul experience with this, is because I know, regardless of your survival struggles, exactly the same is true for you too.

I have seen so many beautiful people in this community, who statistically did not have the supposed qualifications, and were not at what is considered to be a financially productive age, start generating greater prosperity and abundance than they ever had previously.

All as a result of finally honouring their Inner Being first.

 

Level Number Four: Devastated Health

It is beyond traumatic to suffer the health symptoms of narcissistic abuse. Things like anxiety, depression, CPTSD, fibromyalgia, adrenal fatigue and any of the emotional, nervous system and physical breakdowns, all brought on by the horrific stress of abuse and living non-aligned with our soul truth.

Maybe as a capable, resourceful person, with a previously very high tolerance to stress, you were shocked to discover that this time around you couldn’t just pick yourself up off the ground and get on with It.

The effects of narcissistic abuse are like slamming into a brick wall. When life can no longer go on as normal, this is when things need to change. And the only thing that can change is the change that you make within yourself.

I know for myself, that I had always been high functioning and treated my body like a machine, to get things done, and certainly not as something to honour, connect with and love.

Resurrection Number Four: Release the Trauma Generating the Symptoms

Sadly, traditional abuse recovery purports that certain nervous system conditions such as PTSD are conditions that we will have for life.

Nothing is further from the truth.

PTSD and other nervous system disorders are all symptoms of trauma accumulated in our Inner Being at levels so extreme that parts of us break. However, when we turn inwards and release the trauma causing these conditions, then as the trauma goes the condition heals, and often this happens very quickly.

Like so many others, I was told I would never heal and recover from my abuse symptoms and would have to manage them for the rest of my life with antipsychotics.

I know, likewise, there are many of you in this community who had similar diagnoses, who are now living completely trauma-free and are Thriving.

Thank goodness, like those of us who don’t wish to live a disintegrated life, I didn’t accept that diagnosis, or I would never have self-partnered, turned inwards and freed myself from these inner traumas. And I would never have realised the ability to continue doing the same for the rest of my life, on literally any topic that is generating any less-than state.

I am now mentally and emotionally and physically the healthiest in my 50s than I’ve ever been in my entire life, even way before being abused. And I have the absolute joy of seeing so many of you, who are doing the inner work in this community, enjoying and shining your radiance as well.

This is what I wish for all of us, even if it feels like it’s a million miles away for you right now, the reality of profound, unprecedented healing from the inside out.

Okay, I hope that this episode has spoken to you. I know that these four levels of trauma are consistent virtually for everyone who has been narcissistically abused.

If this did resonate with you, and you want to resurrect your life and all these four areas in spectacular ways, then come with me by clicking this link.

And if you want to see more of my videos please make sure that you subscribe to my channel, and if you liked this video click like and make sure you share it with others so that they can also wake up to the truth.

And as always I look forward to your comments and questions below.

 

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The Trauma Is In The Body … Not The Brain!

The Trauma Is In The Body … Not The Brain!

 

In today’s Thriver TV episode I deeply explain to you the truth about trauma.

Trauma is not logical, trauma is emotional.  The brain follows the body – always.

You cannot think your way out of your suffering or the devastation and intense challenges with a narcissist, therefore you can’t heal for real from narcissistic abuse by using your mind.

But there is good news – a way to not only release the trauma inside of you but also to access the shortest, most direct and powerful passage through to calm, aligned, powerful thoughts that will lead you out of abuse and into your new life.

 

 

Video Transcript

Today’s Thriver TV may help you understand trauma at a level that changes everything.

And not only changes your understanding of it but also makes an incredible difference regarding how you can heal from it.

These revolutionary understandings are what have made the difference between people merely managing abuse and trauma systems, or truly recovering from them.

Before I share this incredibly vital information with you, I would just like to take a moment to thank everybody who has subscribed to my channel for supporting the Thriver mission, and for those of you who haven’t yet, please do and if you like this episode also make sure that you like and share it.

Trauma Doesn’t Reside In Our Brain

I really want you to understand that, yes, our brain is severely affected by trauma, however, that is not the seat of where our trauma is.

Trauma is not logical, trauma is emotional.

It is crucial for you to understand that when we think, talk and research, this cognitive part of our brain is not in contact with our limbic and emotional systems where our trauma is stored.

Let’s say these following statements together;

“I think devastated.”

“I think horrified.”

“I think powerless.”

All of these statements are coming from the cognitive frontal part of our brain, which is not in contact with our visceral experience inside our body.

It’s our internal experience that is driving our life, that is shaping it as the people we are, because it is responsible for what we believe about ourselves, life and others.

We think that how we feel is because of our thinking, yet the real truth is our thinking follows our feeling always.

When we go back to those three statements that we just said, our ‘thinking’ has nothing to do with these feelings. We know that these statements should be, ‘I feel devastated’, ‘I feel horrified’, ‘I feel powerless’.

Why? Because these states are feelings, they’re not ‘thinkings’.

The way we are thinking is because these feelings are happening as our inner experience.

 

The Brain Follows The Body Always

To understand the body brain connection, we need to realise how vitally our feelings control our consciousness, and therefore our thinking.

When we are experiencing the visceral emotional hijacking of trauma, what we discover is that our thinking is not calm, measured and capable of finding solutions to the feelings that we’re experiencing.

Rather, we are likely to be thrown into uncontrollable bouts of “stinking thinking”. What we discover is that our thinking is stuck in the matching experience of our inner feelings. And yet, we try so valiantly to change our feelings in our body by trying to force our brain into healthier ways of thinking.

But we just can’t consistently access and then continue to hold saner thinking. And maybe no matter how hard we try, we just keep defaulting back feeling hopeless, helpless and powerless. Then we think, ‘this is just our lot’ and we try fruitlessly to get ourselves out of what seems like a completely traumatising situation, with no end to it.

This is normal. And this is why it is so usual to wonder ‘what on earth is wrong with me? Why can’t I get it through my head that this person is no good for me, is destroying me, and that I need to get away and stay away?’ And we wonder when we actually do crawl away and stay away, why is it that our head keeps defaulting back to all of the thoughts of the trauma, of what happened, and what we could have done differently to not have lived through what we did.

It’s common to have not just lingering thoughts of regrets, heartbreak, remorse, powerlessness, grief and such; it’s also a huge battle just trying to regain and rebuild your life. The reason for this is because your brain is following your body.

When there is trauma stuck in your body, in your visceral experience, in your limbic emotional systems, this is hijacking the integrity of your Being. It affects your consciousness and the ability for you to open up and access relief, resolution, healing, evolution, solution, and expansion.

All these things have been shut down.

It is simply not available at the level of consciousness that your internal trauma is generating for your brain. You’ve been thrown into the back part of your brain, the amygdala, which is purely focused on survival. This is not a place where a connection to The Field (which is all of life) in solution based, supportive, powerful and even miraculous ways, is available.

When we are not Thriving as a result of not understanding the body brain connection, it means that we are trapped in our primitive brain suffering intense traumatic feelings and thoughts that set up a horrifying peptide addiction.

Until we understand how and why we need to make the shift to put the body in front of the brain, it truly is a prison with no escape.

 

The Shift Into Our Body

The complete irony is that the one place we need to go to the most, is the place that we’ve all been programmed to stay out of.

Self-partnering is the only true way home to come back into our own bodies with love and devotion to do the inner healing work to find, load up, release and reprogram our trauma, so that we live free of it.

When we do this, we discover that those feelings of being devastated, horrified and powerless no longer exist. When we check into our body, instead there is a feeling of calm, warmth and even hope and power. Stunningly we discover that we can experience these feelings without even having to have any physical evidence in the world outside us to provide us with these feelings.

This is when we have started to take our power back.

We realise that we literally are Grand Creators who through our visceral emotional experience Be-come the generation of the life that we wish to live. And we may not know it at first, but when we start becoming an emotional experience inside our being, we discover organically that inspiration, hope, power, solutions, and things and people outside of us start reflecting back ‘more of the same’.

It’s then that we realise how much power we have in the creation of our life process. We also awaken to realise that when we were battling a traumatised visceral experience, trying to get things and people outside of ourselves to change or soothe us in order to try to produce better feelings, that it didn’t durably work.

It’s so ironic that the training that we had to self-avoid and self-abandon, such as don’t think about that, distract yourself, get someone to love you to try to take the pain away, eat that food, smoke that cigarette, drink that alcohol, take that pill, jump on social media, watch TV, all meant that our inner trauma remained screaming, was ignored and just got bigger and bigger.

Yet, when we went inside with love and devotion and used an effective quantum tool to reach, release and reprogram our trauma, we discovered the love that we’ve been looking for all along – the devotion, commitment and consistency to continually free ourselves of trauma and remember the incredible Quantum Creators that we really are.

This is only possible when we self-partner ourselves from within.

 

The Relief Of Self-Partnering

You may have seen that Emma Watson has been talking recently about her experience in being happily self-partnered. There are people who have criticised this, saying that it’s an excuse to try to feel better whilst being single and that people can’t be complete if single or that they’re single because they may not be able to connect to other people in healthy ways.

Nothing could be further from the truth than these assumptions. The greatest benefit of being self-partnered is that finally, you understand the body brain connection, and you are doing the work of meeting and being with yourself in a deep intimate way so that you can heal, release and self-soothe whatever your traumatic inner experiences have been.

And what you will discover is when you do that, your brain will automatically follow your body.

You will become wise, powerful, centered, solid, calm and able to access solutions, possibilities, expansion and even miracles.

That is what self-partnering in a quantum way produces when you are prepared to meet the trauma in your body, be with it with love and unconditionally and then release it. It’s not just the ultimate act of self-partnering, it’s the true way to generate your personal evolution.

Which is the true reason we are here to wake up to.

Does this make sense to you?

Can you understand now how problematic and even impossible it is to try to think our way out of trauma?

If so, I want you to write below, “I’ve woken up!”

So now, if you want to learn how to do that in safe and effective, powerful and profoundly liberating ways, then come with me into my free webinar, so that I can show you exactly how to get your brain to follow your body healthily.

You can do this by clicking this link – free webinar. 

I hope that you enjoyed this Thriver TV episode, and if you’d like to see more of them please make sure that you subscribe to my channel. Also, click like if you enjoyed this and share with your friends and family so that we can help other people wake up to the truth.

And as always, I can’t wait to join in with your comments and questions below.

Also, Aussie peeps, my live OZ Tour, where I get to join you in person, is coming up very quickly. There are only a few limited tickets left and you can claim yours here: melanietoniaevans.com/oztour

 

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Am I Being Trauma Bonded? 4 Ways To Know

Am I Being Trauma Bonded? 4 Ways To Know

 

Trauma bonding feels like love, it feels like you will die without someone and that you won’t get over the fact that you can’t have a happy and healthy relationship with this person.

I promise none of this is true.

I don’t think anyone could possibly have prepared themselves for the intense, inexplicable and deadly bonding experience that happens with a narcissist.

Today, I want to share with you the four ways to know that you are trauma bonded, as well as how to free yourself from the deadly grip of being trauma bonded to someone who is destroying you.

 

 

Video Transcript

Trauma bonding is terrifying for people.

If you are trauma bonded you will experience the feelings of wanting to stay connected and fix a relationship, regardless of how much this person is hurting you.

And, this may shock you and stun you.

You may be tormented beyond measure thinking – ‘Why do I love you so much when you abuse me like this?’

It feels like love – yet I promise you it is not.

In today’s TTV episode I am going to explain to you the four ways that you can know you are trauma bonded and how to get out of this terrible powerless state.

Okay, so before we look at these, I’d just like to thank everyone who has subscribed to my channel and for supporting the Thriver Mission. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do so. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

So, now, let’s look at how you know that you are trauma bonded.

Sign #1: Making Excuses for Abusive Behaviour

Truly, when you are making excuses and justifications for someone’s terrible behaviour then you are trauma bonded.

This could include focusing on the small things that are very basic common baseline requirements in any relationship, such as:

‘She tells me at times that she loves me.’

‘No matter how many times he leaves, he always comes back to me.’

‘We can sometimes laugh and have fun together.’

However, there could be things going on like horrific verbal and mental abuse, affairs, physical threats and violence – or whatever it is that means that you are being abused.

Cognitive dissonance is common amongst abuse victims, and can include excusing someone’s poor behaviour because of feeling sorry about their childhood, or believing that it is your duty to help them or fix them.

The roots of trauma bonding may make you feel terrified to let a person go. You could feel dependent on them, and that losing them would be too excruciatingly difficult to bear. This could be because you feel like you may not be able to survive alone.

Maybe you feel like you will never again meet someone who you feel so connected and attracted to and you simply have to try to make this work.

Or maybe you don’t want to ever let go of the possibility of the relationship that you always wanted with this person, even though they don’t have the resources and you continue to be abused by them.

Whichever way it goes, if your emotional self is telling you one truth ‘I am anxious, depressed, sad, angry, hurt and traumatised’ and yet you keep making the excuses mentally to stay in the relationship, then this is a sure sign that you are trauma bonded.

Sign #2: As the Abuse Intensifies You Move Toward That Person Instead of Away From Them

You may be horrified to discover that when this person lashes out and does horrific things to you that you try to fix things.

Rather than have the ability to pull away and look after yourself, you may take responsibility and apologise, or even beg and promise that you will never again do whatever the supposed crime was that you committed.

You may throw all your rights and boundaries out the window to give this person exactly what they want from you so that they won’t leave you.

Or maybe you find yourself agreeing to any condition that is demanded in the hopes that they will stop hurting you and love you instead.

Or possibly, you can pull away at times yet when the situation is out of control, you are the one who is trying to keep the peace, hold things together, find solutions and salvage things – despite inwardly knowing that things don’t and won’t get better.

Despite your efforts, any reprieve is temporary and the issues happen again, usually with more intensity and increased frequency.

Sign #3: When Disconnected From This Person You Feel Like You Are Dying

If things do get so bad that you have to leave, and you are trying to stay away to save your life, or you are discarded and this person refuses to reply to your efforts at contact and you feel like you are dying – this is a sure sign that you are trauma bonded.

Being trauma bonded creates a hugely powerful peptide addiction to this person. Heroin addicts have stated that getting off a narcissist is ten times harder than getting off heroin. Once you read and understand my publication on peptide addiction, you will understand why this is the case.

When we feel like we are dying without a person, naturally we believe it is because we love this person so much. Or we feel indebted to them and guilty or responsible for their wellbeing. But any of these bonding emotions to abusers are not true.

Rather, it is because of the chemical addiction to the trauma we have received that is now hardwired through our system.

We realise these emotions don’t make logical sense. It doesn’t make sense because these obsessional feelings are happening deep within our cellular being, beneath the level of cognitive understanding.

This is why we exclaim in complete distress, ‘How can I love someone like this, when I hate what he/she has done to me?’

‘Why can’t I stop obsessing and feeling responsible for him/her?’

‘Why can’t I just let go and get on with my life?’

It is because of the peptide addiction that has infiltrated your being – which is a serious side effect of being trauma bonded.

Sign #4: When This Person Does Something ‘Nice’ You Experience Hope and Relief

There is an incredible phenomenon that happens with trauma bonding. It’s a chemical endorphin that is experienced as ‘the high of relief’.

This happens when he stops being abusive for a moment and cuddles you and tells you everything is going to be okay.

It can happen after being caught out cheating and he breaks down, tells you he has a problem that he wants your help with and promises never to do it again.

It can happen when rather than criticise and yell at you she stops and asks, ‘What can I do to help you today?’

Or maybe, rather than tell you all the things she doesn’t like about what you have or haven’t done, she comes home and has a normal conversation with you.

It is at these times you heave a sigh of relief. If the abuse has been horrific, these moments of reprieve may be in such stark contrast that you feel like you have won the jackpot.

You may feel there is hope.

You may feel blissy on chemicals that feel like love.

The feelings of heightened relief are exactly the trauma bonding feelings people have to any addiction – the relief from the pain of the actual thing or person that IS the addiction.

For example…

Poker machines – the payout grants relief from the lost money.

Cigarettes – the puffing on a cigarette stops the terrible pangs of nicotine withdrawal.

A narcissist – being ‘nice’ or even just stopping the behaviour grants relief from abuse.

The ‘high’ is an addictive endorphin.

What Is Trauma Bonding Really and How Do You Heal From It?

Trauma bonding is being connected to someone through your internal wounds.

When we have unhealed unconscious inner parts, they play out by us becoming attached to the exact people who play out these parts with us.

For example, my primary unhealed terrors were about abandonment and not being able to survive as a woman on my own.

The abusive people I picked seemed to be men that would never abandon me (engulfers) and also they appeared powerful, protective and capable (seemingly capable in the world).

What I faced again and again was being abandoned by these men (emotionally or literally), or me having to separate from them because the trauma of staying became bigger than that of leaving.

When I was unhealed, the trauma bonding was so extreme that I did feel like I was dying and would often return.

I also lost a great deal of resources and suffered terrible financial abuse in these relationships – bringing to life all of my terrible fears of survival and security.

I clung on and tried to force these men to fix these terrors for me, but they were never the saviours of these wounds – they were the messengers of them.

Until I let go of these men and turned inwards to heal my inner traumatised parts, I was powerless to stop the terrible addictions and traumatising I experienced through trauma bonding.

Today, after healing these parts with NARP, I experience healthy happy relationships that are kind, supportive and healthy, and I have absolutely no trouble in walking away from anyone who represents abuse because I feel whole, safe and powerful within.

I want the same for you too – and know what a huge difference in your life and relationships it will create once you get there.

I so hope this video has helped.

Okay, if you want to start getting aligned with these truths to boost and actualise your recovery out of the pain and into truly healthy, wholesome and fulfilling connections, then I’d love to help you.

You can start this journey today by clicking this link.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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The Proven Way to Heal Toxic Relationship Trauma – Part Two

The Proven Way to Heal Toxic Relationship Trauma – Part Two

 

I am totally passionate about ending our suffering and healing for real from narcissistic abuse.

In Part Two of this series, I am going to explain more about Quantum and Consciousness Science, and how I realised the three keys to heal from abuse on the day I had decided to give up on Life!

Together we take a deep and wide dive into Quantum Healing – what it is, how it works and the results it achieves.

I will also share with you how I found the answers, which were previously elusive, due to my total frustration of having a chronic condition that NOTHING was healing.

It is my greatest desire after this Part Two episode, regardless of how severe your traumas are and how broken you feel, that you can sense a light calling you forward, just as my epiphany did for me.

 

 

Video Transcript

Today’s Thriver TV is Part Two of this series, and I’m really excited to take this conversation even deeper and wider than we did last week.

So to recap what we went through last week… We went over the reasons why you may not have been able to heal yet, despite your efforts to try to get relief from the excruciating symptoms of narcissistic abuse.

We also looked at the new science – Quantum and Neuro Science – and the reasons why introspection and taking your awareness inside is how to get to the core of your abuse symptoms, to be able to tend to them, so that you can get out of the terrible loop of having the ongoing management of your internal trapped traumas.

What is so exciting is that now we have the ability to release and live free of our trauma, and not just recover, but Thrive beyond the state of self and life that we experienced before abuse, even if abuse is all we have ever known.

Today we are going to look at the following three aspects of Part One more deeply: why we can, how we can do it, and the way to achieve this!

Before we get started, however, I want to thank you all for having the courage to subscribe to my channel and be a Thriver. The world needs this awareness to break out of old paradigms of being continually sick and traumatised after abuse, so that we can be something so much greater. If you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you give it a thumbs up.

Okay, let’s kick off Part Two.

The Power to Change at Our Core

Dr. Bruce Lipton upholds that the truth about genes holds the key.

Bruce maintains that pivotal to this shift in thinking is the ground-breaking insight into the function of genes. It was always believed that our genes have predispositions to turn off and on, created from our inbuilt genetics and situations in life that we have no control over.

We now know that this is not true – genes respond according to their environment. The environment outside of us in itself means nothing. It is our perception of the environment that is the TRUE environment – that’s what creates the ‘environment’ that our cells are housed in. It’s all going on in our body.

WE are the petri dish!

It’s all to do with our consciousness. And our consciousness, our perceptions, are all to do with our already existing subconscious beliefs.

If we change our beliefs, we change our consciousness. Then we change our cells and we change our life.

It’s an inside out job.

If we stay stuck in the powerlessness of our consciousness, affected by what other people are or aren’t doing, then we remain a victim to our life – the things and people that we have absolutely no control over.

However, as new science tells us, if, regardless of how our life looks, we take our focus inside ourselves and do the inner work to change our consciousness, then we become the masters of our biology and therefore our entire life.

We literally become different and we make different choices. We stop wrestling with what doesn’t serve us and we have empowered boundaries. We stop being derailed through our wounds and triggers. We know what to do to unfold a new truth, because of a new subconscious program operating inside us.

We may think that changing our consciousness must mean we have to think positively in the face of the painful events and traumas that we are facing, but it doesn’t work that way. We have all tried that very unsuccessfully with our abuse trauma!

Bruce says about this, ‘People hear about “positive thinking”, but when they attempt to put it into practice it doesn’t work because there is a step missing. The mind runs the biology, but the important thing to recognise is that there are two parts to the mind – the conscious and the subconscious – and the subconscious mind is over a million times more powerful than the conscious mind.’

He says, ‘If you tell a child it’s average and that’s the program, the child cannot exceed average because the brain will say, “this doesn’t make sense”. So no matter how hard that child tries it will unconsciously create average.’

The same applies for the painful traumatic beliefs we are carrying within us about relationships such as ‘The people I love hurt me, ignore me, treat me as invalid; they use my kindness for their own purposes.’ Or we may have the belief ‘If I don’t give other people what they want I will be criticised, rejected, abandoned, punished or even annihilated.’

We all know that that C.R.A.P.! Hence why we must go inwards with an effective method to change the program.

The Three Vital Steps to Heal

I want to share with you the incredible revelation I had that started the Thriver Movement. It happened on what I thought was the worst day of my life. I had been given a ‘There is no way to heal this; you can only medicate it with anti-psychotics’ diagnosis after my psychotic and adrenal breakdown.

I didn’t want to continue living, yet a voice in my head kept at me and at me with ‘there is another way’.

Anyway, many of you have heard this story so I’ll get right to the point. To try to shut down that voice in my head, in desperation, I ended up on my bathroom floor, put my hands up and screamed out, ‘Help me, I can’t do this anymore.’

An epiphany happened. Not just a regular everyday epiphany – rather a mind-blowing one that explained ‘everything’. It was a complete 180-degree turn away from my previous beliefs about how victimised I was, and how what had been dealt to me (the destruction of my entire life and self) was such a terrible fate.

I was shown there was a REASON for all of this. Again, not just a simple reason – rather a ‘the meaning of life’ reason. The reason being so that I could finally face my unmet, unconscious traumas and finally go free to be Who I Really Was.

Later I was to discover, through my whole Quantum Thriver Journey, that I am not alone in this. It’s in fact happening FOR all of us.

There were so many crystal-clear understandings that happened in the moments that followed on my bathroom floor. Maybe the incredible irony is that you have to be completely out of your mind to be able to receive the truth.

In amongst this, I was given the Three Key Steps to Heal.

These steps were:

Number 1: Acceptance of what had happened

Previously I had refused to accept losing both who I thought was the love of my life and everything that I thought was my life. I had been a total victim, and all the therapists and online forums had told me exactly that too.

However, I knew now that if I remained a victim and did not accept that all of this was happening FOR me instead of TO me, that I would never be able to get free of the trauma or get well.

Number 2: Turn inwards to heal myself

I understood that my current trauma and devastated life had come about because of not being healed and whole within myself. I had constantly self-abandoned. I was an expert at trying to shame and blame myself into shape, and reaching for distractions – keeping busy, overworking and using other addictions and unhealthy people and situations to do anything other than face, soothe and heal my own feelings.

None of my previous strategies worked anymore, and I was out of options to try to avoid the pain. There was only one place left to go – inside.

I knew my Inner Being needed me desperately, not False Sources, and only by going inwards could I heal the unhealable, change myself and forever change my life.

Number 3: Find, release and reprogram my trauma and belief systems

I knew I had to go inside with love and self-devotion to find my traumas and limiting beliefs, and be able to reprogram them back to wholeness.

Even though I didn’t know how to do this yet, I saw with absolute clarity the system of ‘so within so without’ and how our inner universe relates directly to our outer universe, and that to change our life the composition of our Inner Being needs to change first.

Then I was catapulted into a vision of the future where I saw and FELT myself Thriving – being more expanded, whole, loving, wise and powerful than I had ever imagined myself to be – even before abuse.

From that day forwards I totally fell into line with Number 1 and Number 2, and was on the search for how to achieve Number 3. Even though this epiphany in no way healed me, and there was tons of inner work and releasing trauma and subconscious reprogramming that I needed to do, I did have a massive immediate shift.

I gave up blaming myself and others. I released the shame of where my life had gone to. I knew this was about healing me and it was MY quest. I stopped holding the narcissist responsible for my life. Instead, I turned inwards and committed to the rebuilding of my soul from the ground up.

Even though I still had tons of trauma, my Inner Being heaved a sigh of relief. I had made this commitment to her, ‘I love you. I am here and I will do everything in my power to heal you, and I am never leaving you again.’

Now that I had shown up for myself, without any medication at all, which I was told I would need to even function, the psychotic episodes completely ended, forever.

Yet this was only the beginning. There was still so much more to come…

The Real Healing Breakthrough

Me surviving after being only 80 pounds and told I would never be normal and would need anti-psychotics for the rest of my life was already a miracle. I was medication free, determinedly self-partnered, and completely soul dedicated. Nothing was more important than fulfilling my quest of healing my Inner Being.

The future vision and the ‘knowing’ of being trauma-free kept calling me forward. I had researched many subconscious healing modalities, trying almost every one of them you can think of – EMDR, EFT, Body Code, The Reconnection, The Journey – the list goes on and on.

I found the most effective for me were Kinesiology and Theta Healing, which I studied and was certified in. These modalities, combined with past timeline regression therapy, which I had been practicing for decades previously, became a combined healing system that I called ‘Holographic Healing’.

The results for myself and other people with trauma symptoms were crazy good. So good that in a few short months after working on myself with Holographic Healing, I was completely free of CPTSD, fibromyalgia and adrenal stress. In many ways, even though I had been wiped out in nearly every area of my life, I had never felt so emotionally content and happy.

I still had, however, a persistent condition of agoraphobia. The narcissistic relationship had included stalking, threats, and terrible occurrences. Even though I felt fantastic in safe, closed spaces, in open spaces where I was vulnerable, the trauma that arose was sometimes horrific. I tried everything to heal this. I spent thousands of dollars on credit with every subconscious healer that was recommended to me – but the agoraphobia wouldn’t shift.

That was the case, until another miracle moment.

I was in Koh Samui on holiday and stuck in the confines of the hotel perimeter because of agoraphobia. This was 18 months after my bathroom floor awakening. I had had enough of it. I really wanted to heal this condition.

One night I started thinking about a documentary I had watched where Dr. Joe Dispenza and Dr. Candace Pert talk about how the chemical manufacturing part of our brain – the hypothalamus – produces ‘peptides’. You may have seen my Thriver TV Episode about this – and if not I highly suggest you do because it’s a key understanding. The link to the episode is here for you – The Answer To Narcissistic Abuse No-One Is Talking About – Peptide Addiction.

Anyway, the very shortened version of peptide addiction is this: science has now proven we literally get physiologically addicted in our cells to an emotion that we are receiving huge rushes of. Mine was fear – specifically ‘I’m not safe in life’.

As I thought about this documentary something CLICKED big time for me. I got it – the penny finally dropped – I just somehow KNEW that if I could feel that emotion in my body, target the traumas that were generating that emotion, use a visualisation process and intention to load up all the core causations reasons (meaning the original traumas and attached belief systems) and let them go, that I would be instantly freed from ‘I’m not safe in life’ and I would be completely healed from agoraphobia.

So I opened my heart and mind, and as I started taking dictation from a much higher source than me, I knew this was IT. My heart was pounding with excitement. There it was – a combination of Theta Healing, Kinesiology, Quantum multidimensional truths, timeline work, and other stuff I didn’t think I knew. Yet as I was writing it down, I knew I DID know it.

I was shown how multiple traumas are stored in the subconscious energetically – collective human traumas, past life trauma, trauma from our family’s genetic history and from our childhoods, including in utero before we are born, and then of course as adults.

I literally saw how these traumas lodge within our subconscious, and I was shown the intentions and visualisations as codes to unlock them and release them.

I was also shown that there are three compartments of the subconscious that require cleaning out for a full healing to take place. And with these releases, I was shown the corresponding integrations with the superconscious – which is Source – that is necessary to move each part of ourselves into the Light; into our Higher Potentiality connected with the Field so that we can actualise and be-come our True Self in regard to any topic that is targeted.

As I applied the first ever Quantum Freedom Healing to myself, I found and released dozens of past life, collective and childhood traumas. Then after searching inside and finding absolute no more parts of me that were attached to this trauma, I walked out into the main street of Chaweng Beach.

I started playing in life like I never had before. I was free, I was extended, I was radiant, I was connected to everything and everyone with joy. I had never ever felt those feeling before. Then I remembered the vision on my bathroom floor, when I was catapulted into the future – it was exactly THAT feeling.

Later, back in the hotel room, I thought to myself, ‘If I hadn’t been given this process, HOW on earth would I have ever found this?’ No therapy, including subconscious healing modalities, which were the most powerful, had ever taken me inwards to my Core Identity with such laser-like intensity, drawn the multiple traumas out of my cells from all the necessary subconscious compartments, and integrated me with the Oneness of myself and the Field to provide a fully experienced cellular body shift that completely short-circuited a deadly physiological peptide loop that my body had been addicted and trapped in.

How many decades of therapy would it take to get to that, what had just been achieved in only two hours?

Would it have even been possible?

I don’t believe it would.

The Inner Then Outer Shift

Humbly, I really want you to know Quanta Freedom Healing is not my creation. I was blessed, as a very unlikely messenger, to have this happen through me from a Higher Source that is much more intelligent than me. I could never have come up with that stuff myself! At first, I thought this gift was just for me, but I’ve known for a long time it’s for all of us. And such a gift it was to me!

As I kept using Quanta Freedom Healing on any trigger that came up for me, extraordinary things started to happen, and very quickly:

• Family, friends and colleagues who had turned away from me, turned back with love.

• The Universe was leaving me directions and ‘love notes’ every day to grant me the next step to my healing.

• Every day support, love, blessings and literal miracles were showing up, ranging from a free gift from a shopkeeper to incredible business and mission opportunities.

• The relationship with my son, which seemed shattered beyond repair, did a full about face and we were reunited. He healed miraculously from severe substance abuse and depression.

• A peace, love and wholeness that I didn’t even know existed, continued to build.

• Opportunities, synchronicities and miracles started to abound. Ways to come back and rebuild my life that I would never have dreamed of, just started showing up abundantly. And…

• I joyously followed my soul calling, and before I knew it my vocation was a global narcissistic abuse recovery expert – which truly is the job of my dreams, because I get to save lives and souls every day.

I had come home – finally – for the first time in lifetimes.

Thank God I had finally woken up from the trance – to shed the layers of false beliefs and traumas that have been inflicted on all of us on this planet.

This I now know is the simple meaning of life: if we have anything that hurts there is a corresponding trauma inside us, and when we find it and release it everything heals.

That’s ALL we have to do to claim our True Life.

You really do need to ‘Go Quantum’ to start experiencing the incredible fast results of this. Myself and Thrivers who do the inner work, live this as ‘our normal’. You will only begin to understand how powerful and capable you are of enlisting all of Life to co-create with you, when you get aligned in your Quantum consciousness. It’s Quantum Law – so within, so without – as absolute as gravity.

For more information regarding this, you may want to do some research on the Double Split experiment to see just how our own brand of consciousness affects how life shows up in our experience. This is what Quantum Science teaches us: at the subatomic level, beyond the atoms of our cells, we exist as pure waves of energy, a consciousness that is interconnected with the entire Field.

By living this we start to be-come Who We Really Are. Not just a little separated person having to unconsciously battle life – rather a connected being in the Oneness doing our life consciously.

The Results of Inner Healing the Quantum Way

These are the following:

1) You heal for real

There is no longer the need to have to manage trauma and the horrible symptoms and obsessional thoughts that go with that. It all melts away.

2) The narcissist becomes powerless against you

Committed NARPers regularly have unprecedented property settlement and custody wins. Often the narcissist completely capitulates and grants what is fair, because they can’t stand being in your empowered energy without being able to hook you. Doing the inner work to detox a narcissist from every vestige of your Inner Being is the only way to win against a narcissist that I have ever seen work.

3) You don’t need to learn how to be-come, it just happens

The old paradigm of healing was that we needed to unlearn something and then retrain ourselves to learn a new way of being. This generally took years, if not decades, researching into the ‘what happened with whom and what effect that had on us’.

This equals ‘analysis paralysis’ that only drip feeds, at best, any change to our subconscious programs and, at worse, cements deeper into our Inner Being our belief about being a victim and defective.

With Quanta Freedom Healing there is absolutely no need to know or research your story. It doesn’t matter how, with whom or when the trauma happened. Literally, by accessing the body’s wisdom and power, which is always unfolding the next wound to be released, you simply load and release the dense energy in your body and the belief system that was wrapped into that trauma disappears also.

There is zero need for you to even know what the trauma or belief was for you to be completely free of it. (However, don’t be surprised if total answers and concrete knowing arises as a product of your True Self connection to yourself!)

Then, as a result of the part of the process that brings in your Superconscious self, filling the space where the wound was, you automatically be-come the new and True Self. The person who knows how to be organically wise, conscious, self-loving, self-respecting, powerful and yet grace-full, whilst serving the Field in the highest and most honourable ways.

This shift of something that may have taken decades contemporarily to achieve previously – if it ever was possible – can happen within half an hour on any topic in your life, which is the duration of a Quanta Freedom Healing.

This may seem too good to be true, but I promise you once you start Going Quantum you will know exactly what I am talking about.

4) Your Life expands and heals in multiple areas

Naturally, we initially do the Quantum Inner Work to get relief from current trauma and fear. However, when cleaning out all that the narcissist has triggered, you will realise how the limiting beliefs and traumas were holding you separated from the things in life that you deeply desired.

The things that ironically you had attached to the narcissist, to try to gain through him or her, instead of generating through Self.

For the first real and authentic time, your confidence starts flowing, joy emerges, the ability to lay healthy boundaries comes online, inner knowing, wisdom, inspiration and intuition start to arise from within, and your life’s dreams and goals all come into view.

The areas of your life that were lacking, now can all heal and produce the results your heart has always desired.

That has been my experience, on steroids, as a result of Quanta Freedom Healing (NARP), which I do any day that I feel dense, unwanted energy in my body. Sometimes I may do as many as three healings a week. Other times I may not do one for a couple of weeks.

The triggers I have in my life are miniscule now – because I have released so much trauma. Yet, absolutely back in the day, I was in the deep dark trenches of meeting and releasing my trauma for much longer periods. But why wouldn’t I be? Look at the results now.

If I hadn’t done the work, I know 100% I would be back in my next lifetime having to face all of this again. I wanted this evolution – we all do. As Dr. Joe Dispenza says (I think it went something like this!), ‘We are all going to evolve. The real question is “when?” Will that start now or be in thirty years’ time, or a hundred more lifetimes?’

It all starts by turning inwards and taking on the three keys to heal for real: 1) accepting this happened for a reason, 2) turning inwards to ourselves with love, and 3) using processes to release trauma and reprogram our subconscious programs.

When we take on the ‘three keys’, the results are fast and effective. It’s the new science and the way we can be free of our wounds, our old beliefs and the horrible diagnoses we have received – as well as our fear, pain and abuse patterns.

As Thriver Sophie said, ‘After years of therapy I have had more success with Melanie’s healing in less than 2.5 weeks than all those 15 plus years combined.’

Linda, in a few short weeks after being discarded by a narcissist and hospitalised for a suicide attempt and severe depression, said this, ‘After spending weeks in hospitals from crippling depression and hopelessness, Melanie’s work has changed my life so much for the better. My condition has improved so much since finding her. There are not enough words to describe what a difference she has made in my life. I am from New Mexico and have done a lot of energy work there, but nothing I have ever experienced compares to the life changing miracle that Melanie has given me.’

Lisa said this, ‘The NARP program is nothing short of phenomenal. Embarking on the journey that is NARP has opened up my world, brought both sides of my brain back into harmony, and I have never felt so empowered and liberated. This is sheer breakthrough and these are super tools.’

Humbly, these stories are only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the life-changing and life-saving testimonies that flood into MTE every day as a result of NARP. You don’t have to look far in my social communities to read them for yourself.

Lisa’s right, these are super tools, and I feel so blessed that we all live in a time to be a part of this exciting paradigm shift, a return to truth, a Quantum Leap in our own healing evolution.

So, if you want to dive in and Go Quantum and start experiencing these results for yourself, I would love you to join me in my brand new two-hour masterclass – Heal Your Abuse Trauma and Claim Your True Life.

This event is the beginning of your True Self and True Life if you want it!

And it’s totally FREE.

You can do so by clicking this link.  I can’t wait to see you in there with me!

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always, I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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The Proven Way To Heal Toxic Relationship Trauma – Part One

The Proven Way To Heal Toxic Relationship Trauma – Part One

 

The effects of narcissistic abuse can be excruciating.

Many of us have tried so hard to heal from the anxiety, depression and feelings of powerlessness and hopelessness that abuse trauma can cause.  And some of you may have gone on to develop adrenal malfunction, fibromyalgia, Complicated Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD) or agoraphobia.

So why were we able to get up and go again with other events in our life – even serious ones – but this time we just CAN’T…

…despite all the effort we make, the knowledge we learn and the practices we study?

In this Thriver TV Episode, we will look at ineffectual avenues of healing and why they haven’t worked. We will investigate the scientific evidence of the new healing ways, that do heal us deeply at our core, and why they do.

If you have battled to heal, and possibly even feel defective or a failure because you aren’t getting better, today’s episode is a must-watch video for you.

 

 

Video Transcript

This is the first of a two-part series about healing from interpersonal trauma.

This episode includes why it has been so difficult to heal from narcissistic abuse and relationship trauma. We will also be looking at the different ways we thought we could be healed, ways that have proven for most people to be ineffectual, as well as Quantum Healing effectiveness that is now backed by science and which does release us from trauma, deeply, at our subconscious and cellular level, in ways that standard contemporary therapy simply can’t.

Today you are going to start learning exactly why talk therapy and trying to think differently, and even learning copious amounts of information about abuse and your abuse symptoms, although can help you know you’re not alone or going mad, does not have the ability to heal you.

The specific healing work that I will be talking to you about in this two-part series, is cellular. It’s Quantum – it’s where spirituality and science meet as a powerhouse of healing.

Today, because I am alive and not just surviving after relationship trauma but Thriving beyond my wildest dreams, where I have zero symptoms and am healthier, happier, more confident and safer in my body and life than I have ever been, even before being abused, it’s my life’s mission to educate you about how I healed for real and how you can also.

In this series, I am sharing humble, powerful and authentic accounts from my own life, as well as those of numerous Thrivers within this Community, regarding what our experiences were and how we healed. I want to inspire you, regardless of how bad your trauma symptoms are, and even if you feel that it’s impossible to heal or that it is just too late for you.

I promise you this is just not true.

The conversation this week and next week is so that you can save your soul and life and become the powerful knock-on effect for your children and their children – and for our world.

Before we get started, thank you, everyone, who has subscribed to my channel and for supporting the Thriver Mission, and please know I love hearing from all you beautiful Thrivers and about your breakthroughs. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Okay, let’s move on in!

 

Our Disbelief In How Hard It Is To Heal

Let’s start off by examining the limited ability we have had to heal from intense trauma.

I have met some extremely rare individuals over the years who just seem to be able to ‘get over it’ and move on after terrible abuse. For me, personally, and usually for the hundreds of thousands of people I have met over the last decade, this just wasn’t possible. Generally, extreme emotional wounding and a decreased ability to function is the norm.

Those people who I have seen push the pain down, or compartmentalise it and just carry on, generally have it erupt at a later some stage of life. A very dear friend of mine, after moving on courageously without inner healing from narcissistic abuse as a child, had a breakdown years later whilst in her own loving family – when she had a daughter.

The other people I know who ‘carry on’ have generally kept experiencing reoccurring disappointing events in their outer world. Such as repeat narcissists, or the like; evidence of the shadow – the unmet unconscious trauma becoming conscious by meeting them in real life from the outside – as our shadows do.

As Buddha said, ‘If you want to know what is going on in your inner world, look at your outer world.’

Many of us, after overcoming many terrible things in our life and being able to get up and get on with it again, were shocked to discover just how impactful toxic relationship trauma is, and how it brought us, maybe for the first time ever, to a place where we couldn’t move forward anymore.

This doesn’t have to be intimate partner relationships. It could be with a family member, an authority figure, someone in your workplace, a toxic neighbour, a friend – literally anyone at all.

Regardless of what gender or religion or sexual orientation you are, your age, whether or not the person is still in your life, or even deceased, or whether the abuse happened today or 40 years ago – the trauma may still remain and be living on like a terrible, emotional virus within you.

Please know the result of narcissistic abuse is a shocking dis-ease of our entire Being that can feel unshakeable.

When I first set out to get relief from narcissistic abuse, I was dismayed at how no one had a true healing solution for me.

Doctors and psychologists told me that my Complicated Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD), and many other symptoms, couldn’t be healed and that medication and strategies were needed to try to manage my symptoms. Additionally, I was horrified by so many people in abuse forums reporting their diminished health, life and victimhood.

Some of these people even spoke like this decades after their abuse.

Now, thankfully, having been on the forefront of abuse and trauma recovery for more than a decade, I have met countless people who previously reported the same thing, before, humbly, finding my Thriver Way to heal.

This is what Claire, a fellow NARP member and Thriver said, ‘Until the NARP healing system, there was literally NO help for Narcissistic abuse recovery. I went from therapist to therapist; to spiritual healers, alternative therapy; and the list goes on and on. I tried to help myself learn and understand what had happened to me through research, but no matter how much I learnt I couldn’t get well.’

So many of us who end up in narcissistic abuse recovery astoundingly may have already been doing copious amounts of work on ourselves, or already be in healing or mental health industries. I was a spiritual therapist and teacher for years prior to narcissistic abuse, and I know many of you are into studying and being practitioners of wellbeing, personal development, psychology, counselling or human care services. Yet we still found ourselves in relationships that brought us to our knees.

Why didn’t the learning, studying and therapy change our relationship patterns or take away the pain?

The answer is this: because we weren’t shown how to heal from painful relationship traumas and programs within our Inner Beings. There was not the releasing of our trauma cellularly or the reprogramming of our subconscious painful programs to create us as a New Healed Self.

 

Feeling Like A Failure When Trying To Heal

I really want to acknowledge you. Most people who experience the devastation of toxic individuals and any sort of human relationship abuse are extremely traumatised. Not only are you fighting for your mind, sanity and life, but it is also possible that your finances, security and what and who you care for are under siege too.

Let’s just make this really clear right here, right now – you being in this position is not your fault, and I want you to know that you are NOT a failure.

I know you may be feeling the awful trauma about what you have lost, the time and even years you have wasted, and the torment you’ve put yourself and others who you care about through.

Maybe you are horrified with how you can’t stop going back to the abuse, no matter how terribly you are treated.

And, you are probably in shock that your life has ended up like this – somewhere you never believed you’d be at the age that you are. Add to this, of course, all the compounding feelings of failing because you don’t seem to be getting better.

Or maybe just when you think you might be getting better, you find yourself sliding back down into a deep, dark hole again.

I can’t tell you how often before I discovered how to heal for real, that was my experience – for years.

The fact you are struggling to get healing and resolution with what you are going through is not because you aren’t a productive, high-functioning person. Most of the people I meet in this Community are far from lazy, unintelligent or incapable. They are in fact the exact opposite.

Like my previous self, you may have, after exhausting your own considerable determination and efforts, diligently consulted people who you hoped could help.

I was in psych therapy – lots of it. I was also seeing healers, dieticians, doctors, personality disordered specialists and specialised lawyers, but nothing was helping me get away, stay away, heal and move on with my life.

So many people told me to let go of him. One Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) specialist told me the outcome if I stayed was my death or institutionalisation.

Yet I couldn’t stay away.

Meanwhile, the guilt and shame of who and what my life had become was eating me alive – I completely believed I was hopeless, defective and pathetic.

But this wasn’t true. I wasn’t healing because no one knew the truth about what was really going inside me psychologically, and therefore emotionally and mentally. And nobody was addressing my healing where it needed to be addressed, at the core.

All therapy was doing was the constant reaffirming my painful victim story and how hopeless and helpless I felt.

Please know I don’t want to knock therapists; I have heard of people gaining support and comfort from them. However, this I believe with all my heart: the old models of therapy, talking about the problems and receiving medication, needs updating. And I believe this because unless we are addressing trauma at the core of where it resides, then we are only hoping to try to manage symptoms – hence why there is an ongoing need for so much therapy without any real healing result.

The effective therapists in our world now, are the ones who are working deeply with the body-brain connection and are not just attempting to manage symptoms.

Chelsea, a Community Thriver, shared this: ‘Unfortunately with the psychiatrists, therapists and psychologists I saw, all that was accomplished was similar to putting a band aid on a broken bone. It doesn’t really fix anything. However, when recovery is tackled where the real problems are rooted, the real healing begins.’

Additional to therapy, in amongst all my desperation to try to find an answer to heal, I researched abuse community forums for many hours most nights. I hoped it would help me deal with him, as well as the terrible symptoms I now had, which included severe anxiety, depression, fibromyalgia and agoraphobia as well as CPTSD.

It didn’t. The more knowledge I gained, the angrier and more devastated I got and the more obsessed about him I became. And I still couldn’t stay away.

Tina another NARP Thriver says this about her experience: ‘I kept finding more information on narcissists and the abuse, but I got tired of reading about the abuse and how bad it all was. I just wanted to get over the powerless feeling I felt. This is the secret I never had – focusing on healing ME! I am now free from the despair and happy for the first time in a very long time.’

I know that many of us in this community are spiritual. I am too. I also sought out alternative methods to heal – holistic healers and Life Coaches. I had treatments including Reiki and Crystal Healing sessions. And I was regularly doing meditation, affirmations and journaling.

These things would grant some temporary relief, but the pain and mental obsessions about him came back and still I couldn’t keep away.

I even determinedly tried Law of Attraction on me, my life and even him. But there was no way with my deterioration of health that I was able to override my inner trauma, which assaulted me 24 hours a day, by trying to just ‘think positive’.

Now I know that Law of Attraction was one of the most devastating processes I tried to do. Later I discovered that trying to mentally push through extreme subconscious survival trauma programs by forcing yourself to be ‘positive’ can almost break you into psychosis. There is such a need to first face, hold and release the trauma to make space for a new positive program.

As Bruce Lipton says, ‘If you go to battle with your subconscious and conscious minds, your subconscious will win every time.’ In fact, as I devastatingly discovered, it will make the painful program and trauma more magnified to assert itself.

Of course, this made me feel like even more of a failure.

Okay, so if you are or were like me and you have worked your butt off trying numerous ways to heal from trauma, I want you to write below: ‘This happened to me too sister!’ And maybe you would like to list what you have tried that hasn’t helped, and also share what has.

So now, today, I know the truth – the reason why I wasn’t healing wasn’t because I was a bad person, unintelligent, or broken beyond repair. It was just that no one had ever taught me about inner trauma and painful beliefs, which were hijacking 95% of my brain and nervous systems and hooking me hard onto someone who represented these unmet and unhealed places within me.

This was not my fault. I logically never chose it and I logically had no control over it. These toxic binds were being driven by forces much more powerful than my conscious self. Will power was useless in the face of this – as was mere information and strategies.

What was needed was a deep, cellular shift directly in the core of where these deep powerful forces were playing out. And when I achieved that, I promise you none of my powerless, enmeshed, addicted, victimised self remained. And all my trauma dis-ease and symptoms completely left me. I am healed and whole and free of all of them, and have been for a long time.

Please know if this has been your struggle too, it doesn’t mean that you can’t heal and that you are doomed to suffer these terrible traumas, battling your symptoms indefinitely or for life – it just means that you haven’t, just like I hadn’t at this stage, understood the truth yet.

 

The Real Truth About Healing

I really want you to know what contemporary medicine and abuse forums say that is not the truth. They are telling you that you are sentenced to struggle with abuse symptoms and a diminished life. With all my heart I promise you this is NOT true.

It is totally NOT true that CPTSD, agoraphobia, adrenal malfunction or fibromyalgia are unhealable conditions that you will have for life; and that you will need constant medication and therapy. What is true is that when you find and release the traumas from your subconscious – which is generating these conditions – they simply melt away.

A Thriver member called PP shares this: ‘As a result of my abusive relationship, I acquired fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, osteoporosis, bruxism, insomnia and sleep deprivation, and then some. The Thriver healing system is the only one I have found that addresses the inner energetic component and effects of narcissistic abuse. Without this Program I doubt whether a person could ever fully recover and truly make the turnaround from survivor to Thriver. This is exactly the healing and approach I have needed for so long.’ Myself and tens of thousands of people in this Community are living proof of this.

Now let’s look at the science behind why subconscious healing systems works.

 

What Neuro-Science Has Now Discovered

I love what the scientific community is now proving regarding trauma and the body-brain connection, because it completely backs and supports the Thriver Recovery process.

Bessel Van Der Kolt, a Dutch Psychiatrist who is a forefront expert on the understanding of trauma, states that the logical part of our brain doesn’t have the ability to communicate with our brain’s limbic and internal nervous systems, where our trauma experiences reside, and therefore talk therapy is ineffectual to deal with it. It’s only through taking our attention within to our visceral emotional experience that we can hope to overcome trauma.

The starting point focus of the Thriver Way to heal is self-partnering. Every healing takes you into your inner world in theta brainwaves to bypass your logical brain and enter your subconscious, visceral feelings and internal programs.

Then the healing work is done with processes that communicate directly with your subconscious – your cellular inner self.

I want you to imagine this analogy: you are looking at a closed car hood and trying to imagine what the mechanical problem is that is going on inside the engine.

If you don’t go inside, firstly you will never know what the real issue is – you are only guessing. And secondly, if you don’t go inside you will never fix your ‘self’ and the problem will remain.

Regarding our trauma, talking, thinking and researching amounts to exactly this – lots of contention and absolutely no healing.

Bruce Lipton is an internationally recognised cellular biologist and bestselling author. He explains that as adults, our life is already programmed by our previous emotional experiences that generated belief systems in relation to these.

Bruce says that by the time we are around 35 years of age, our logical mind has only a 5% capacity of changing who we are, therefore regardless of how much we learn, research or talk about our life, we don’t break out of the patterns which aren’t serving us. Only going inward to reprogram our subconscious, which is in control of 95% of our life, does this.

He also explains that our subconscious programs control 40 billion bits per second of information that we process in relation to our life experiences, whereas our logical mind processes a teeny 40 bits per second. This is why it is impossible to think our way out of our painful emotional experiences, which are generating our feelings, thoughts and choices as well as who and what we connect to and stay attached to.

If, for example, we have painful internal trauma that has generated the subconscious belief, ‘People I love hurt me, leave me, replace me, betray me (the list of course may go on)’, these are the people and experiences we continue to make true in our life with the power of 95% of our Being directing this – no matter what we try to think and learn.

In Part Two of this series, I will share with you how I was given the codes and the ways through an information download – how to access the subconscious, find these traumas and associated beliefs, load them up and release them. Our logical mind has no ability or way to do this.

You will learn also how we can change our emotional programs directly at our core, often instantly, so that we are no longer the Old Self operating from the Old Program. Instead we are freed onto the trajectory of more empowered, whole and conscious reactions and decisions that do serve us.

Joe Dispenza is a scientist and researcher on the leading edge of neuroscience, epigenetics and quantum physics. He teaches us that our brain follows our body – meaning our mind thinks in alignment with our inner subconscious programs and does not have access to a healthier path until we create a shift on the inside of ourselves.

Therefore, once we change our inner subconscious programs, how we think, which is our level of consciousness, will automatically reflect this.

One of the most powerful ways I have found to produce a shift is to enlist a Higher Power force to fill the space where the released trauma once was.

If we were just to release trauma, then in its place we would have an emptiness; a bewilderment about who we are and what is next in our lives. Yet when we fill the space where the trauma was with our SuperConscious, then we have the best teacher embodied within us.

We literally become Infinite intelligence which knows how to be for the greater good, firstly for self and then as an outflow, benefitting all of life and others in divine, powerful, yet graceful and healthy ways.

You may think of this as your Higher Power (whatever your Higher Power means to you). To you this may be God, or The Universe or Creation or even Lifeforce.

This Higher Self element is what many contemporary and even some energetic healing processes miss, and it’s one that many Quantum Healers do enlist. Honestly, I don’t believe we have any ability to heal the unthinkable – which is what narcissistic abuse truly is – unless we pull on a force, this Infinite, which does this so powerfully.

This Higher Self aspect – to midwife a shift from the Old Self into your True Self to help bring through the breakdown of the Old Order to the breakthrough of your highest potential New Order in record time, with maximum potency – is a big part of my healing process and occurs multiple times in every healing that you do in NARP.

This is what Lakiira said about this, ‘During the first healing, it felt like magic but it’s science. I knew that I was touching on something spiritual and a Higher Power was involved, because the feeling of emptiness I had always felt had shifted. I was coming home to myself. I believe 100% in the power of Quantum Healing, and I hope everyone can be free from emotional trauma by opening up to receive this energy and love.’

Okay, so I’m going to leave this very important discussion here at this point. I think we have had enough to feel into and talk about for now.

As well as what I mentioned before, next week we are going to investigate the Science of the Observer Effect, Quantum Consciousness, the truth about our genes and our ability to create ourselves and our Life anew, even from severe trauma symptoms and even if trauma is all we have ever known.

I’m also going to share with you the three specific Quantum keys I discovered to achieve full Thriver Healing status and my experiences when channelling, creating and applying Quanta Freedom Healing.

Please know if you don’t want to wait until next week and want to dive on in and start ‘going Quantum’, you can do so by clicking this link.  My free 16-day course will explain so much to you – things that will make perfect sense about your healing journey.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

So, thank you for your presence and attention regarding this fascinating Quantum Healing conversation. I can’t wait to share the conclusion of this series with you next week.

As always, I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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How Childhood Trauma Makes Us Susceptible to Narcissists

How Childhood Trauma Makes Us Susceptible to Narcissists

 

Over the years, so many people have asked me this: ‘Did my childhood have anything to do with me being narcissistically abused as an adult?’

You may have made the link between a painful childhood and sustaining narcissistic abuse as an adult. Maybe abuse is all you have ever known.

Or maybe there was something more subtle going on that made you susceptible to narcissists – without you even understanding what that could possibly be.

In today’s VERY IMPORTANT Thriver TV episode, I want to help you understand vital physiological truths about how your ability to deal with stresses was formed as a child; how this may have been compromised and what that has to do with sustaining trauma as an adult.

I know this is going to answer some very important questions for you – as well as allow you to learn how to heal for REAL from these fractures and traumas today.

 

 

Video Transcript

So many people ask me often, ‘Has my childhood contributed to me being narcissistically abused?’

The answerer is a resounding ‘Yes’.

Is it enough to know this to get out of the horrors of narcissistic abuse? It’s a starting point but not the complete answer. True healing and solution can only come from rectifying the traumatic emotional inner imprints of our childhood. Because then we can have a solid and healthy Inner Identity which is no longer susceptible to abuse.

Today, in this very important Thriver TV episode, you will understand how your childhood has set you up for abuse and also how to heal for real, even if healthy relationships, love and connection have never been modelled for you.

Okay, so before we get started I want to remind you that if you haven’t yet subscribed to my channel please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Today there is so much I could cover, but I want to address the most important points. This is vital because I believe that we could spend decades in therapy without a result if we don’t just cut straight to the chase.

I have done episodes on narcissistic parenting before and I will share these resources with this video, but today I want to talk especially about our impaired emotional development as children and how this has lined us up for narcissistic abuse – as well as how to heal it for real.

Before I explain the trauma received in our childhoods, let’s just lay some foundational understandings about trauma.

What Is Trauma?

Trauma is the inability to deal with a certain stressful situation, which causes feeling overwhelmed and powerless.

Trauma, in short, is not being able to process difficult emotions to completion and then enact the solution. This is when trauma is internalised and has a life of its own inside our brain and nervous systems. It impacts our emotions, our thinking and often every part of our life.

Please understand the trauma centres and functions of your brain that deal with stresses are in your right-brain section. Trauma is generated within your emotional and nervous systems centres and therefore is stored in and affects your body.

When we are in tune with our Beings, we know how true this is. What I mean by this is that when you receive a trigger relating to an unhealed trauma you feel the ‘pang’ in your body. It may be a heaviness, a feeling of butterflies in your stomach, a shock of ‘cold ice’ through your veins, or you may start sweating and shaking. All sorts of processes start firing off in your body, including the urge to flee, react into defences (fight) or even shut done where you literally can’t think, answer or even move (freeze).

These are all right brain, instinctual functions; survival mechanisms that fire up when wise, clear and ‘safe’ problem-solving centres within your nervous system and brain are not on-line.

Unresolved stresses become traumas.

Stresses occur in life and will always be a part of our everyday life, forever. Whether or not they take us down and out into trauma depends on how we deal with them. A life of CPTSD (Complicated Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and anxiety and depression and powerlessness (victimhood) versus continually up-levelling ourselves and situations into more and more opportunity, growth and joy, evolution and greater interconnectedness with ourselves, life and others (powerful-ness).

The ability to do this depends on how healthily the emotional centres of our right brain and our nervous systems are functioning.

One of the gravest mistakes we can make regarding trying to regulate and manage our trauma is thinking that the answer is cognitive. It isn’t – in fact our left-brain logical functions can’t communicate with our right brain. They don’t help us process trauma through to completion and they don’t assist in developing these centres to deal with challenges and stresses effectively.

Truly, left-brain interception only invalidates and injures the right-side trauma centres even more – as you will discover later in this episode.

The Vital Understanding of What Trauma Does

Trauma is the culprit through and through.

If we have received trauma that has impacted us, it not only affects our brain and our entire nervous system, it also creates embedded belief systems that form our Inner Identity.

These traumatic beliefs become our reality and we can easily remain a victim to them – because they become self-fulfilling prophecies that keep us replaying the same traumatic patterns and disappointments over and over again, despite how hard we may try to avoid them. This is absolutely the case with narcissistic abuse when we find ourselves stuck in grave, and even life-threatening, trauma that is tearing us apart. Even though we know it is shocking and extremely bad for us we can feel powerless to let go.

Trauma does this – we feel like we have no voice or rights and that there is nobody dependable to step in and be the buffer, protect and help. We feel alone, isolated and confused.
Powerlessness takes over.

In our helplessness with trauma, the shame and guilt of not being able to cope is overwhelming; we don’t believe we are good enough or capable enough or strong enough to have a solution. Often we blame ourselves from the problems and stay connected to the narcissist, trying to fix things or be ‘better’ no matter what is happening to us. We feel defective and damaged and ‘wrong’.

This is why it’s important to understand what happened in your childhood to set you up for this and how it is not your fault. One of my greatest wishes for this TTV episode is to let you know that you are NOT defective, no matter how much you may feel like you are. What has happened to you is the ‘normal’ consequences of unconscious parenting, which sadly has been a product of parenting in our former generations. No-one taught anyone better!

Let’s have a look at what happened to us as children.

How Trauma Occurred as Children

Firstly, I want to start off by being very clear about one very important thing – this episode is in no way about blaming our parents. And I really mean that because no matter what they did and how they behaved, they were also a product of trauma – the way they were parented and the levels of trauma that preceded them in their families.

Once you understand this, you will realise how the feeling and emotional centres of our brain are formed and therefore appreciate the capacity each and every human being, including abusers, has in relation to relating to themselves, life and others.

Okay, let’s start right from the beginning – disappointments, challenges, and threats begin as a very small child.

These include being hungry and requiring food; hurting oneself or being scared and needing comfort; or feeling physically distressed and requiring restoration such as in the changing of a soiled diaper. Little children are completely codependent on a stable caregiver granting survival necessities as well as emotional comfort when in need.

If we have a present caregiver, who models safety and comfort for us, then the parts of our right-brain, which is the first side of our brain to develop when we are little, and our connected nervous systems can start to form healthily.

These are our emotional and social centres responsible for developing our beliefs about ourselves, our place in the world and other human beings. This healthy development is essential to having a solid and whole Core Identity.

I want you to understand that the ‘presence’ of a stable caregiver is imperative for the development of our right-brain emotional centres, so as to instil in us the vital ingredients of love, comfort and safety. This has to be ‘age appropriate’ to the child. We have to ‘feel’ the connection somatically in our Being for it to be real for us.

Logical action and provisions and purely ‘adult’ reactions do not translate to right-brain communication.

‘Come on snap out of it!’ to a small distressed child is never going to provide the comfort and healing that a heart-to-heart cuddle and soft cooing will. In fact, it is only going to compound the trauma of feeling ‘unsafe and unsupported’ even more.

To reach and soothe the compromised emotional centres, the input has to be things like caring physical touch and heartfelt words and sounds. Trauma is created from emotional sensory input that registers in the right brain, and the resolution can only come through the physical and emotional senses – the body being an effective way to deliver this.

I have had so many clients and NARP members over the years who, when I talk to them about the necessity to heal core trauma, say to me, ‘My parents were awesome, they always encouraged me and supported me in everything I wanted to do.’

My questions in response to this are, ‘Did they have time to just be with you, hold you in times of need, look you in the eyes and tell you how much they loved you? Could you confide in your parents and have them hear you and be there for you? Would they listen, allow you to be you and let you know how special you are?’

Yes, of course children need boundaries, to learn limits and how to handle disappointment, and to experience cause and effect (personal responsibility), but unless they know they are loved and valuable for who they are, then the emotional centres responsible for self-worth, self-love, self-value and resilience to challenges are seriously compromised.

I know your parents may have been terribly busy in survival mode, most of ours were, either practically or trying to deal with their own trauma. Could they be right-brain present with us so that our own right brain could develop properly?

Probably not.

Now, here’s the thing – right brain and nervous system centres begin forming when we are a foetus in utero. It is now scientifically proven that the mother’s emotional state and her ability to regulate her own emotions is a big contributor to how a child’s right brain centres start developing. If she is stressed without her own resources to integrate these stresses to completion, this directly compromises the child’s right-brain formation.

But the plot thickens and deepens even more, because the scientific study of epigenetics now tells us that the ability of certain genes to switch on or off is inherited. If we have come from ancestors who suffered trauma, then the parts of our right brain that could handle stress effectively for us may be shut down from birth. We may have over-formed, hyper-aroused centres and amygdalae, meaning rather than anchoring into our Core Identity to deal with stresses (which is the centre for our personal power), we will dissociate from our own Being, look outwards and get hooked into trying to control the uncontrollable (which is anything and anyone that is not us).

All of this brings in increased fractures within and without our lives – meaning more trauma and more traumatic events.

How Disassociation in Childhood Leads to Ongoing Trauma

If we didn’t have a functioning developed Core Identity (dependent on right brain and nervous system health), then we were carrying trauma after trauma because we had limited ability to integrate stresses to completion.

The biggest traumas to have impacted us as children were not the disappointments, frights, lack of safety or discomfort that we experienced – they were the traumas we experienced because a safe, functional caretaker did not show up to help us integrate these things back to calm and safety.

As children, we simply did not have the developed inner-resource centres to do this for ourselves, and therefore it became too traumatising to be ‘ourselves’, alone with these unresolved feelings inside of us – it was far too overwhelming. Then shame and guilt joined in, as well as self-blame for having painful emotions and possibly for causing angst or disruption to our parents for expressing them.

We learned it was wrong to feel. We disengaged from our bodies and from our emotions to survive. We checked out and zoned out – we self-medicated our feelings away with fantasy, distractions and even addictive and self-compulsive behaviours.

As we were growing up, rather than becoming more developed in our right brain, which is our connection and gateway to Self, Life, others and our Higher Power (True Source), we became more reliant on our left brain, which is not the master or healer of our right brain.

In fact, the left brain follows the body – it is ruled by the painful and fractured right brain beliefs we have about certain topics. Our left brain will agree with these beliefs and grant us all the excuses and justifications to bring these painful beliefs to fruition.

This is where the traumatic self-fulfilling prophecies that were established in childhood come into play. It’s so important to understand that trauma affects every part of the brain, both left and right.

Let’s say that when we were young no one was there for us to know in a right-brain way that we were supported and protected. We grew up believing ‘It’s up to me. No one is there for me.’ The result is that we will continually connect to people who we co-generate lack of support with – by rejecting any genuine support offered and trying fruitlessly to get it from people who are unavailable to give it.

Then we say, ‘See I’m right!’

Of course, all this is unconscious! Until we wake up and start healing and integrating and coming out of the self-generative trance, we believe that this is happening ‘to’ us rather than ‘through’ us.

The same goes for the traumatic beliefs about things like ‘People who are supposed to love me aren’t interested in me’. And even with tons of cognitive therapy and awareness of this, we may still connect with people who are ‘apparently’ recovering workaholics or who have been in therapy for previous adultery. We believe them to be healed, even though they still act out high-risk behaviours. And then we experience ‘being unimportant and discarded’ again.

The fuel to ‘be’ with people and situations who represents ongoing trauma comes from the right-brain, pre-programmed belief systems we established in our childhood which is then supplemented by the elaborate ideas and justifications that our left brain makes up to follow these beliefs – regardless of what we try to think and formulate.

This all happens because we are not healed and integrated or anchored to inner core truths and values in our body. We are dissociative. We are not yet safe to ‘be’ in our body.

Until we resolve our core trauma through our nervous systems, cells in our body and our right brain, and are able to be self-partnered in our body, this is the sad reality and the prison that we can be continually stuck in – and understandably it makes our trauma pile even bigger.

It makes it even harder to ‘be’ with ourselves – present in real time, in our own Being. We disassociate even more – to the point where we may not be able to feel anything except the rushes of our trauma, which are possibly now being triggered off randomly and continually within us.

This is exactly what Complicated Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is. We may believe it is to do with what has happened to us, however, the truth about this chronic reoccurring and ever-constant unsafe feeling is that we are NOT home within.

When we aren’t self-partnered, we are not in touch with Who We Are or what is or isn’t healthy for us. We don’t have access to our True Self power – we are a Being without a compass or rudder being tossed around mercilessly by Life.

This makes us highly susceptible to narcissists – beings who are highly exploitative, manipulative and pathological who pretend to be the person we need for us to feel safe and loved while using our disconnection with ourselves to mine our energy, life-force and resources.

When we awaken, we realise that the answer to all of this is NOT to try to control, research and monitor things and people outside of us or to keep believing and fuelling the self-fulfilling prophecies that our emotional centres keep playing out incredibly convincingly. The only remedy comes from waking up to the truth and turning inwards to do the necessary inner work to repair – where it needs it be repaired – at our Core.

The True Solution to Our Childhood Trauma and Ongoing Adult Trauma

Have I explained to you enough that the issue, the seat of this, is to do with your right-brain and nervous system?

I hope so, because this is where so many people go horribly wrong – trying to heal and restore themselves with left-brain tactics.

Your healing is going to be no more effective with research, cognitive therapy, investigating and learning, than your right-brain development was as a child when being told to ‘Snap out of it!’

I have found that the solution is turning inwards to your feelings, connecting with your Inner Self, experiencing shifts of trauma releasing, which are performed through direct visualisation, and then somatically feeling the subsequent healing.

These are all strategies that communicate with your right brain and nervous system, and start releasing the fractures and healing these centres back to wholeness.

The greatest minds in neuroscience and trauma recovery now understand that bodywork is key – that it’s through movement, feeling adaptation and sensory input that the right brain shifts, releases and integrates trauma so that people can finally feel resolved, safe and at home in their bodies.

Speaking from total personal experience – the entire success of our life is about being safe and whole in our own body. Without that we are constantly in trauma trying to survive ourselves, life and others.

I’ve lived both ways and I promise you the difference between them is heaven and hell.

Your greatest mission to get your life right is to be whole in your body. Everything else will come from there.

The startling thing that completely astounded me when I started healing myself from the inside out – at my Core Identity – was that I didn’t have to try to learn how to manage my trauma anymore. It was simply gone. I also didn’t have to learn how to be different for my life to work, or even how to love and accept myself.

When I effectively released trauma from within, these things organically came on line without me trying to learn anything.

This was a far cry from my previous belief that the best I could ever expect after a complete adrenal and psychotic breakdown (due to extreme trauma overload) was a lifetime of ongoing therapy and drugs to try to survive and manage my trauma.

Until Quanta Freedom Healing, which I developed as my right-brain/nervous system super-healing tool, I hadn’t realised the incredible Higher Power organism that we are and the ability we have to repair ourselves when we release our trauma and fill where it was with Source, through specific visualisations that evoke specific feelings.

I didn’t realise that we have the power to simply come back on-line and re-member and be-come Who We Already Are.

This is where science and spirituality come together as a powerhouse of healing. When you work with the physiological facts as well as enlist a Higher Power that can heal what we logically can’t and connect to it in a somatic, right-brain way, everything heals and becomes more whole than you have ever known it to be.

The new science of epigenetics teaches us this: if we change the environment, which is ourselves, then we can completely change our genes and our life – beyond recognition.

This is what I’m talking about – and what myself and so many people in this community are living. You need to know, to heal your right brain effectively you can’t just keep reading articles or watching YouTube; you have to start the real inner healing work.

And I’d love you to let me show you how, gently, safely and powerfully, by clicking this link.

I really hope this episode has helped you.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

And, as always, I am so looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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