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valentine

Valentine’s Day: Wise Words From The Wisest On Love

valentine's day

 

While romantic love is certainly a special kind of love, it is not the only kind to celebrate on Valentine’s Day!

Some of the world’s greatest philosophers wrote and talked about the many kinds of love and their meanings.

By studying their works, I have learned over the many years as a divorce attorney, a wife, a step-mother, a friend, a daughter, a sister (and as the caregiver of a rescue dog, Rodney), there are many facets (gems) to the beauty of love.

I remind my clients who are going through the angst of a divorce to be open on Valentine’s Day (and all other days of the year) to consider how they, too, can live the truths of the philosophical love reminders we all have access to—I ask them to operate on a higher plane.

Doing so serves to distract them from the loss of romantic love, a commodity, when absent, can only be amplified on February 14. As 13th century poet, scholar, and theologian Mevlana JaJaluddin Rumi (better known as just Rumi) said,

“Your job is not to seek for love, but to remove the blocks to love’s awareness which is inherently yours already.”

Ascribing to that philosophy of love, I have put together a few words by others well known for their perspectives on love, and how you can utilize them throughout the day on Valentine’s Day, and long after.

Here is a list of my favorite “jewels.” Perhaps, you have a list of your own!

Wise Words From The Wisest On Love

Charles Dickens:

One of the world’s best storytellers said when talking about gratitude: Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has plenty; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.”  Yes, itemize your list every morning. Doing so will direct your attention away from the trite, the petty and the painful. Don’t focus on any irritant. That mental activity will only bring you negative energy.

Negatives can expand and fester when you are consumed with thoughts of things or people that irritate you. Instead, focus on what you appreciate in “things” and  “person(s)” and all other things for which you are grateful. This allows you to become more in touch with the love that is already there. If you feel the need to criticize someone or some one thing, stop and do a short two-to-five-minute meditation to clear your mind. It will then realign with a higher consciousness in the universe.

Mark Twain:

A great storyteller and humorist was big on forgiveness. He once said: “Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the hill that crushed it.” This is one of my favorite sayings. There is a sharp bite to that and deadpan humor to the saying, though it rings true. If you’re tracking people who may have caused you hurt, remember most people ultimately find a way to redeem themselves.

(Even President Nixon said, “Always remember, others may hate you, but those who hate you don’t win unless you hate them, and then you destroy yourself.” Unfortunately, he had to learn this lesson the hard way. But what better person to teach us this lesson). Forgive your ex on Valentine’s Day. You will find it very liberating.

Aeschylus:

A Greek playwright (458 BC) talks a good deal about grace throughout his works. He said, “Wisdom comes through suffering.” Anyone who has been through the deep hurt of a divorce or separation knows what he was talking about.  I believe that it is through suffering that the heart expands to the fullest. That is when we feel a deeper love is within us.

Again, concentrating on all Aeschylus expressed, brings us to a broader and higher love. I believe grace exists on the other side of pain—it is the sister of love. When going through a break-up, and when you take the time needed to wallow in the pain, that is not always a bad thing. Going through such a process head-on, rather than hiding from it (through alcohol, drugs and other excesses) allows a person to grow.

Through growth comes wisdom. I believe with grace we can have more compassion for our fellow man and ourselves. Focusing on grace can serve as a cushion when landing hard on the divorce floor.

Lucille Ball:

Groundbreaking actress/comedienne during the advent of television. Lucy believed that self-love was the key to life. “Love yourself first and everything else falls into line,” she was quoted as saying. Love yourself through good times and bad and love will be ever constant. If you are looking for someone to fill the void…complete you…then you will be forever restless and unfulfilled. Yes, you long for romance on Valentine’s Day, but what about self-love that day?

If you’re thinking about love with a partner, though, think about letting go of any type of control and supporting that person on good days and bad ones. Don’t “need” that person. Love that person while also loving yourself. If more of us would think: self-love we would have a more realistic perspective about what romantic love means as compared to self-love. Perhaps more marriages might be saved.

George Harrison:

Beatle’s singer/songwriter and philosopher (messages about love permeated his lyrics)  sang “ It is when we see beyond ourselves that peace of mind will be waiting there.” Ergo: Service to others. Those going through divorce are so wrapped up in their misery they have little time for the world around them and the people in it. Nothing transforms passive longing and feelings of loss than to give and serve others.

Maybe it’s visiting an elderly person in the hospital; jumping in to help a friend in need without them even asking; rescuing a wounded animal; showing more compassion for your children and close family. Find a cause and give of yourself to it.  When I ask myself how I can be of service and do it, it is one of the most gratifying “love” feelings of all. In the midst of it, you find your feelings of anger and resentment dissolve into feelings of love.

It is one of the suggestions I give all my clients on getting through not just Valentine’s Day, but every day especially during the divorce phase.

Ram Dass:

New age philosopher and teacher gave countless lectures and classes on love and trust. He once said, “No matter what life has thrown at us, there is always a way to trust not only that we can be present for life, but that it’s in the very nature of our life to renew itself.”  Dass taught us that there will always be doubt, doubt, and more doubt.

The secret to combating uncertainty is to concentrate on faith and trust—yet another way to express and indulge in self-love and give love to others. Courting doubt will simply engender more doubt. At this stage of your life—surviving a painful break-up—the best thing you can do is to trust yourself to make all the right decisions, and you will.

Trust will bring about the love which can take care of anything. Abraham Lincoln said, “The belief in that which is seen is really no belief at all. It is the belief in that which is unseen that there reveals faith.”

I think one of the great purposes of life is to look at the opportunities we have to grow the love within us despite the sadness, injustice, and adversity. We will see over the course of our lives that there are times when we succeeded in growing love and other times when we squandered it. But it’s always been there.

I urge you to take a Valentine’s Day challenge this year and work to make each day a conscious tribute to love, not only for yourself but for those around you.

The post Valentine’s Day: Wise Words From The Wisest On Love appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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7 Ideas for Spending Valentine’s Day Solo or With Others

7 Ideas for Spending Valentine’s Day Solo or With Others

Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be doomed because you’re getting divorced. How will you be spending it this year?

The post 7 Ideas for Spending Valentine’s Day Solo or With Others appeared first on Divorce Magazine.

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Do Not Waste Valentine’s Day Mourning Lost Love: Celebrate the Love In Your Life Now

Don’t Waste Valentine’s Day Mourning Lost Love: Celebrate the Love in Your Life Now!

What makes you feel joy? Go ahead and do it! Celebrate love – on Valentine’s Day and every day of the year! Feel the joy of love rush through you non-stop.

The post Don’t Waste Valentine’s Day Mourning Lost Love: Celebrate the Love in Your Life Now! appeared first on Divorce Magazine.

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Do Not Waste Valentine’s Day Mourning Lost Love: Celebrate the Love In Your Life Now

Do Not Waste Valentine’s Day Mourning Lost Love: Celebrate the Love In Your Life Now

 What makes you feel joy? Go ahead and do it! Celebrate love—on Valentine’s Day and every day of the year! Feel the joy of love rush through you non-stop.

The post Do Not Waste Valentine’s Day Mourning Lost Love: Celebrate the Love In Your Life Now appeared first on Divorce Magazine.

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14 Movies You Should Binge-Watch On Valentine’s Day

14 Movies You Should Binge-Watch On Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day.

Some of you may be excited about it, some of you are prepared for couples to be showing off their love, hearts, and roses all around you, but don’t worry, you don’t have to be around that if you don’t want to. You can just stay home and watch some movies, eat some chocolate, eat some takeout – whatever you like – and learn how to celebrate this holiday on your own.

The lesson of the day: You don’t have to be in a relationship to celebrate Valentine’s Day.

 

Here are 14 movies you definitely should watch on Valentine’s Day:

1. The Notebook

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We’ve all seen this one… And cried our hearts out! If you haven’t seen this movie, it is a great romantic comedy to get you through V-Day. Plus, Ryan Gosling is a beautiful, beautiful man, and spending two hours with that face will do you no harm, only good. 😉 Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams star in this classic tale of two love birds and the journey of their lives.

2. Sleepless in Seattle

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One of the best Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan movies ever! Nothing is more romantic and pure than seeing these two on-screen together. This is a MUST-SEE for those who are interested in celebrating Valentine’s Day the right way! Warning: You will cry a lot.

3. An Affair To Remember

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Can you see the correlation between Sleepless in Seattle and An Affair To Remember? Well, if you’ve watched Sleepless in Seattle you’ll know that it makes a lot of references and remarks to An Affair To Remember, another love story that you’ll find yourself loving every minute of as you drink your wine and remember that you are what’s important now, and love is waiting for you somewhere.

4. Love Stinks

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French Stewart delivers a wonderful performance battling this demon-like hysteria of a woman, Chelsea (Bridgette Wilson). This movie basically focuses on their relationship and builds up to Valentine’s Day. With its humorous class and relatable content, you’ll get a kick out of this couple that will probably make you feel a lot better about your relationship status, and feel really bad for French Stewart’s character instead.

5. Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind

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A wonderful movie that needs to be watched by everyone. Jim Carrey shows his true colors in this one, and Kate Winslet will win over your heart with her unique, eccentric vibe. The movie will make you appreciate things you never thought to appreciate before, and also, the soundtrack isn’t that bad either.

6. When Harry Met Sally

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You knew this one was coming, mainly because it’s probably one of those movies you’ve seen a dozen times, not even anywhere near Valentine’s Day. And that’s fine because this film is appropriate for all occasions. I fell in love with Billy Crystal the first time I watched this movie and loved Meg Ryan even more. I definitely recommend it.

7. Garden State

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Garden State is a unique indie film, that most WILL like. Starring Natalie Portman and Zach Braff, it does have a way of pulling you in and not letting you go until the credits roll. Mainly because you just want to know where this interesting story is headed. Right from the start their chemistry is perfect, compelling, and before you know it you’re popping some popcorn and gazing into the tv in a dream-like state, eventually inspired and full of so many questions and desires.

8. You’ve Got Mail

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Another wonderful classic by Nora Ephron. Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks star in this classic piece as two New Yorkers who are “at war” and don’t know that they are actually pen pals on the internet. AOL and their true identities are the only things between them. Watch this movie if you want to laugh, cry tears of joy, and reminisce about your old AOL account.

9. Lost in Translation

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When Bill Murray’s in it, there’s a good chance it’s gonna be a good movie. The same goes with Scarlett Johansson. Let’s just say, this movie will make you want to go to Japan and live out a week of the unknown with Bill Murray, oh excuse me, I mean, Bob Harris.

In a nutshell, this movie will leave you breathless.

10. Splash

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By now, you’ve realized that I have a huge thing for Tom Hanks, and that thing will never die. This is a classic movie from the eighties starring Daryl Hannah, Eugene Levy, John Candy, and of course, the magnificent Tom Hanks. It’s about a man who was once saved from drowning by a mermaid, who ends up falling in love with her 20 years later. It’s a really good flick to get your mind off things!

11. Return to Me

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Now this movie will bring on some serious emotions. Relationships can be beautiful, and it’s no easy task to let go of someone you love, whether it be through choice or destiny. Return to Me is a very good movie, in my opinion. My mom told me about it a few years ago, and man, am I glad I watched it.

12. The One I Love

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Mark Duplass and Elizabeth Moss star in this intense psychological thriller about relationships and what kind of partner people really want instead. It’s a great movie, and yes, I mentioned “psychological thriller”, but there’s no blood, guts, scary guns, it’s just got some twisty-turny plot twists that will BLOW YOU AWAY! This movie will make you think long and hard about what kind of person you’d want to build a relationship with, instead of just settling for. It’s a must-see for those who are in the mood for gasping.

13. Just Married

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It’s still hard to believe that Brittany Murphy is no longer with us, but I enjoy keeping her memory alive by watching this movie, as well as King of the Hill, but that’s a topic for another day. Ashton Kutcher and Brittany Murphy play a couple who are just trying to enjoy their honeymoon in Italy while getting more than they bargained for in this hilarious, romantic comedy. It’s full of non-stop laughs and cute moments that will fill you with excitement, hope, and certainly entertain you.

14. It’s Complicated

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Meryl Streep is so adorable in this movie, and so is Steve Martin, and I just can’t help myself when it comes to Alec Baldwin. He’s funny to me. This film has a very appealing cast, it’s full of big laughs and a lot of relatable issues we all have dealt with or may eventually deal with in the future, either way, this is a classic, and if you’re a Meryl Streep fan, do yourself a favor and give this movie a try!

Remember that you don’t have to celebrate this day alone; if you want to, if you can, you can celebrate with your family or friends. If you prefer alone time, you will have a blast, going through this list! Hope all is well!

The post 14 Movies You Should Binge-Watch On Valentine’s Day appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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Swap out Valentine’s Day for Galentine’s Day this 2020

Swap out Valentine’s Day for Galentine’s Day this 2020

If you’re tired of the traditional Valentine’s Day, try swapping it out with Galentine’s Day this year, instead.

The post Swap out Valentine’s Day for Galentine’s Day this 2020 appeared first on Divorce Magazine.

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distracting things to do on valentine

10 Distracting Things To Do On Valentine’s Day If You’re Unattached

distracting things to do on valentine's day

 

For some people, the transition between divorce and single life appears daunting — a bridge too far — especially during holidays that emphasize love and closeness. While the Yuletide season has now passed (one of the worst times for newly divorced individuals), Valentine’s Day is quick on the heels of that stressful and often sad time of year.

According to David J. Glass, Certified Family Law Specialist and former therapist (he holds a Ph.D. in Psychology as well as a J.D.) and author of the book, Moving On: Redesigning Your Emotional, Financial and Social Life After Divorce, there is no need to dread the upcoming Valentine’s Day event. Glass says there are positive ways to feel loved and comforted when navigating feelings and despair on Valentine’s Day.

With that in mind, Glass has put together the following 10 tips for activities for those without a special someone on that romantic day that are fun, distracting and inspiring.

10 Distracting Things To Do On Valentine’s Day

1. WHEN YOU FIRST WAKE UP, MEDITATE: 

Meditation, especially in the morning, is a great way to set yourself up for a calmer and kinder day.  For example, the first thing you could say to yourself: “Today is going to be a great day; a special day for me. I’m going to do things all day long that make me feel loved and nurtured.”

2. PLAN AHEAD TO GIVE OF YOURSELF:

In advance, arrange to spend just an hour or two at a local senior care center (read, chat, play board games…). Often, those folks are truly lonely and sequestered. You also can consider visiting an animal shelter. Take a dog or cat into the visiting arena for a bit. You will feel the love from that pet, and its appreciation of you. Who knows, you might even consider taking a pet home—adopting it.

3. GO ONLINE OR TO A MALL:

Buy yourself something special—an item that you’ve been wanting, like a cozy sweater, an Alexa type device; new flat screen, pair of kick-butt shoes. Whatever it is, tell yourself you deserve it and say thanks to you for being such a considerate gift-giving “Valentine.”

4. HIT THE GYM, DO SOME YOGA OR TAKE A RUN:

Whatever makes you feel fit and healthy; eating right, taking a nap, deep breathing exercises. Do what it is that makes you feel good about the way you take care of yourself.

5. SPLURGE ON LUNCH OR DINNER:

It doesn’t have to be a fancy restaurant; an expensive meal. You can indulge in a Big Mac or an exotic salad at any nutrition-conscious eatery, just make sure your meal is substantial, filling and tasty. Make it one you don’t usually have. It will satisfy your guilty pleasure and make you feel loved. Top it off with some chocolate or some coffee.

6. HEAD FOR THE SPA:

If you’re a regular, try something different. If you typically get a mani-pedi, get an hour-long facial. If you get a full-body massage, ask for a reflexology treatment. It doesn’t matter your gender when going to a salon or spa. Everyone feels good when they are gently touched and thoughtfully pampered.

7. MAKE A LIST:

In three columns write down ways you can move on emotionally, financially and socially. Get creative. If you’ve always called your mother when you’re feeling down, jot down another source to perk you up. If you earn and spend your money according to a static routine, change it up and for Valentine’s Day. Don’t let your concern for financial security influence your choices. Rearrange your budget to accommodate guilty pleasures.

Same with the items you now list on changing up your social life. Write down activities you can do that include others in the same situation. Yes, very often, misery does love and need company. Establishing new habits (like spending, social outings, and get-togethers) are wonderful ways to make you feel loved because you’re getting fired up to create a whole new lifestyle.

8. SPEND A FEW HOURS WITH THOSE WHO YOU KNOW LOVE YOU:

Rather than hide out or withdraw, reach out to your family and friends, including your children (stage a valentine card competition) and there’s no question you will feel love “emphasized” which you truly deserve.

9. SNEAK A HUG FROM A STRANGER:

It might sound crazy, but maybe today is the day you ask for a hug from the mail carrier, the person who hands you your dry cleaning items, the security guard at your place of work or your children’s school, or the guy who is replenishing the produce section in the grocery store. You can easily say, “Hey, it’s Valentine’s Day. Mind if steal a quick hug.” Most loving individuals will feel honored you asked. They need one, too.  Although hugs are momentary, the residue can last the entire day!

10. BINGE-WATCH SOMETHING:

Sitting on or in your bed all Valentine’s Day watching one of the web series you missed, is another way to say, “I love you” to yourself. It’s one more special gift that illustrates that you do, in fact, love “thyself.”

The post 10 Distracting Things To Do On Valentine’s Day If You’re Unattached appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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single mom wants for valentine

14 Things Every Single Mom Wants For Valentine’s Day

single mom wants for valentine's day

 

Valentine’s Day isn’t just a day to celebrate the love of a couple. It’s a day to celebrate love all around. So if you’re single or you know a mom who’s going solo this year, spread the love with a few things that she might actually want.

14 Things Every Single Mom Want For Valentine’s Day

1. A word of encouragement

Everyone can use a little encouragement, especially on a day that can make being single feel more lonely and less appreciated. Show some love with a card or note that simply says what a great friend and mom she is. Leave it on her door to find or send it via snail mail for a welcome surprise.

2. Flowers don’t have to come from lovers

Who doesn’t love the smell of a fresh rose or carnation? Hit the florist for an arrangement that can be sent directly to her work, or try getting a bunch of loose flowers to drop off for a group of your favorite gal pals.

3. A trip to a day spa with a friend.

Being a single mom is tough work and should be rewarded every now and again with some relaxation. A day at the spa is just the treat to lift spirits and make her feel her absolute best. There’s no need for her to go it alone. Schedule back-to-back appointments for a massage or see if you can get an appointment at the same time for a manicure/pedicure.

4. A gift card.

What single mom wouldn’t enjoy a gift card to her favorite store or shop? Give her the opportunity to do something she doesn’t often get to do…go shopping and buy a tricket for herself!

5. A night out with the girls.

Sometimes a night out with the girls is all it takes to remember why being single is so great. Organize some time with the girls getting drinks, seeing a movie, hanging out at home or just doing a little shopping – without the kids.

6. Chocolate, chocolate and more chocolate.

There are few out there who wouldn’t enjoy a 10-pound bar of chocolate on Valentine’s Day. Grab a bar or two – maybe not a 10-pounder – and give them out with cute phrases attached. Your single friends will be grateful.

7. No pity!

One of the greatest gifts you can give a single mom is to refrain from any remark of pity. Many women out there choose the single life and love it, so give encouragement as a friend that she is a remarkable person.

8. Photos of her true loves.

Every mom loves a picture or two – or a hundred—of her adorable kids and friends. Get some printed, wrap them up in a card or pick out a cute frame to show off fun faces. Better yet, if you’ve got time to devote to something special, create a photo album of all the people who love her best with special notes from them all.

9. A kid free day.

Handmade gift certificates for a kid-less day or evening can do wonders for a single mom. Give her a list of dates you are available for her to redeem her coupon, plan a few activities for the kids and let the evening of fun begin.

10. Something made with love.

Anything homemade or handmade is sure to be a hit with the gal who knows all about how important time is. Think soaps, body scrubs, candies, etc. If you’re into jewelry or have special talents in knitting, put your skills to use making something nice to give. She’ll appreciate the time and effort you spent thinking of her.

11. A special activity with her kids.

Single moms may like to just have a day to hang out with their littlest loves, so a family friendly date may be just the ticket. Consider giving a gift card to a local bowling alley or an interactive museum.

12. Tickets to a show.

A couple of tickets to a comedy night, local play or great band may be perfect for a Valentine’s Day gift. Plan ahead so she won’t be going it alone. Either schedule time with her and yourself or grab an extra ticket for a close friend of hers.

13. A maid for a day!

Unless she’s Wonder Woman, chances are she could use an extra set of hands around the house. Things like laundry, dishes, and cleaning chores pile up unless you have a dump truck on lock to dispose of them. A thoughtful gesture would be to provide her with the gift of a cleaning service to do some deep-down scrubbing of her home.

14. Something to binge on.

If none of the other ideas are striking your fancy, she’s sure to be up for a copy of her favorite artist or chick flick. Add in some popcorn and candies for a sweet gift.

Being a single mom doesn’t mean she should be singled out of Valentine’s Day. Use one of the items on this list to make her feel included, special and an inspiration for the love brought on by this special holiday.

The post 14 Things Every Single Mom Wants For Valentine’s Day appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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7 Single Mom Valentine’s Day Ideas

7 Single Mom Valentine’s Day Ideas

Your single mom Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be sad or lonely. Use these 7 unique ideas to celebrate Valentine’s Day whether you have a partner or not.

The post 7 Single Mom Valentine’s Day Ideas appeared first on Divorce Magazine.

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alone on valentine

There Are Worse Things Than Being Alone On Valentine’s Day

alone on valentine's day

 

The history of Valentine’s Day and the story of its patron saint is shrouded in a lot of mystery. We all know that February has long been celebrated as a month of romance and that St. Valentine’s Day, as we know it today, contains vestiges of both Christian and ancient Roman tradition. The gifts of chocolate, jewelry and love between men and women on this particular day can leave us, single moms, feeling singled out as lonely and at times unlovable and unworthy.

For that reason…

On Valentine’s Day, every mom of every age should be issued one tall, dark, handsome somebody to share long, loving looks and dinner over candlelight. Cold pizza in front of the TV isn’t so bad, most of the time. That particular day, though, has the power to leave a single mom feeling hopeless and unloved — and cold pizza just doesn’t cut it.

It seems everywhere I look lately I see red, heart-shaped boxes of chocolate and lovely cards with pink hearts reminding me of the day set aside for honoring love. For me, Valentine’s Day brings to front all the romantic longings and yearnings I’ve kept tucked away in crimson-colored recesses of my heart. Romantic longings and yearnings that can rise up like a title wave to overwhelm me.

But then I remember that Valentine’s Day is about LOVE. It is about love for ourselves, our friends, our family, those who have helped us, those who need our help and those who, by birth and friendship, are our family.

It can be better to be alone on Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day can also be a day of remembering situations worse than being alone. It is better to be…

  • A woman alone than a woman whose husband belittles her.
  • A woman alone than a woman being dragged down by negative emotions.
  • A woman loving life than a woman who dreads each day spent in an unhappy marriage.
  • A woman who gives her heart to her work, her children, her friends, and family or any good cause other than a husband who won’t cherish the heart she has to give.

So, if you are alone this Valentine’s Day, don’t spend the day pining away for a knight in shining armor or some tall, dark handsome someone to share loving looks and dinner over candlelight. Don’t spend the day brooding over what you wish you had, but spend it celebrating the love you already have.

Take your father a box of chocolates. Send your mother a single red rose. Give the girlfriend who helped you through your divorce a gift certificate for a pedicure. Cherish and celebrate the loving bond with your children. Share the love you have and you will never be alone. Not on Valentine’s Day or any other day.

The post There Are Worse Things Than Being Alone On Valentine’s Day appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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