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new chapter in my life: road sign that says new chapter

It’s Taken Me 20 Years But I’m Finally Starting a New Chapter In My Life

new chapter in my life: road sign that says new chapter

 

Divorce, Ex-Husband. Betrayal. Child support. Child custody. Splitting up costs, time, energy. When is it time for that part of your story to be done?

That’s the conundrum in divorce when you have children. But alas, someone seems to always keep that part of their story alive because one of the two parents is always left with the responsibility of raising the family more than the other.

Being the grown-up more than the other.

Being the breadwinner more than the other.

Being the responsible one.

The reminders of your ever-present past are always there. It would all be so easy, if you could just say, here’s your hat what’s your hurry! Ba-Bye!

I’ve been divorced for a very long time. But because my children were so young when the marriage ended, it felt like I was always standing at the base of a new mountain. Over and over I looked down to see my feet planted in front of one mountain after another.

Looking up, sighing and wondering how I was going to hurdle this next one. When your two children are an infant and toddler, you have many gates still to cross on the journey of their growth. And at every gate, you stand alone. Well, you stand alone when the one who wanted to flee, refuses to stand with you.

He might be uncomfortable; and God we can’t have that, now can we?

I remember a year after he left us for the other woman, my son’s kindergarten had an open house. It was one of the first official events where we were not together as a united front. We had gone to things at his preschool and though it was awkward, I don’t remember it being too bad. But things had changed as the divorce was progressing and the threats of what he wouldn’t agree to were lobbed at me like hand grenades.

Though we both attended his open house, we attended it as two separate people who were very far away from the day that little boy was born.

He wouldn’t stand next to me; He wouldn’t converse with me.

The teacher tried to speak to both of us about our son, but he refused to have a conference with both of us at the same time. I left that evening in tears because it was the first experience parenting with a total stranger. And it was humiliating. I got used to it however in the ensuing years. He would not have a parent/teacher conference with me ever again.

It also put so much pressure on our son too because he was embarrassed when teachers would always somehow mention the two conference requirements in front of his friends. It was a dialog that played over and over with my son and daughter for that matter for years and years.

“Why can’t you and Dad just do one conference?” How do you explain to a child that their Dad refuses to meet with their mom?

You can’t, so you just have to say that. It lasted all the way to my son’s college graduation. His lack of connection and inclusion that day too left me feeling somewhat humiliated and it brought back my anger for him. I just could not understand why his comfort must always precede everyone else’s.

My father used to tell me, “Karen, the day you don’t care anymore, IS THE DAY YOU JUST DON’T CARE ANYMORE!”

Starting a New Chapter In My Life

That day had finally come, but when it did my Dad had passed away. I made a point of going to visit him at the cemetery and verbally declaring out loud to him by saying, “DAD THE DAY HAS FINALLY COME! I JUST DON’T CARE ANYMORE!”

I don’t care if he shared a birthday!

I don’t care if he shared a First Holy Communion!

I don’t care if he shared a Christmas…. a graduation…a school play …. anything!

I didn’t care!

But they did! I kept making the requests on behalf of my children who just wanted the memory and experience to feel like their friends whose parents sat next to each other. I was already fine with his answer of “No” but always had to prepare them. Every time.

So, when is that part of your story over?

I still have another college graduation, weddings, and who knows what else that we will hold a shared interest in. But I think I can say to my Dad again, that…I JUST DON’T CARE ANYMORE! I think the time has truly come now.

That part of my story is indeed over.

I will still have to share car payments, doctors, dentist bills, and school costs for our daughter until she graduates college and is on her own. But I feel a strange sense of liberation.

I have reached this 20-year milestone. As I look over my shoulder, I see many nights of tears, and fear, uncertainties, loneliness, and dread as I raised a family all by myself. But as I look over the other shoulder, I see strength, convictions, a calm confidence, and a light now within me that has eluded me for two decades.

I am a 60-year-old single woman who has most literally sacrificed herself in order to raise two children to as close to the model I got in my upbringing. My goal was to give them security which came at the expense of my own.

But isn’t that what most parents do?

Most parents who can look past their own image, see that the real image of themselves has always been in their children. I have always believed that the real legacy one leaves, is in the lives we have touched while we were here on earth.

My ex-husband once told me when we were married that what he loved most about me, was my Bubbly personality. Over the past 20 years, I lost that part of me. I’m happy to say, that even in this strange time of Global Pandemic… I have regained that part of me.

I have regained it through the outpouring of love and support I have seen in my neighbors, family, and friends. And I have seen it with my own employer who selected me to continue working and did not lay me off. Good things come to those who believe, and I do believe that good things are on their way and I look forward to showing my Bubbly side to a new special someone.

I have learned that if we choose to straddle ourselves to fear and worry every day of the week, we rob ourselves of experiencing the real essence of life.

Yes, I was at one time, joyful and bubbly, and a basically happy person! I temporarily traded it all in for a scared, worried, and exhausted personality. I had abandoned that previous part of me, and I now want to pick it back up! I am finally letting go of that other part of my story. The one that caused me so much pain. I am voting for joy!

You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one!

So, if anyone is at the point of, YOU JUST DON’T CARE ANYMORE, put down the old chapter and turn the page to a new chapter. I’m just doing it now. It has taken me a while, but it feels good.

I wish all of us the very best with expectations of nothing short of sheer joy and peace and finding their own inner Bubbly! As Chris Cuomo would say, “Let’s Get After It!”

The post It’s Taken Me 20 Years But I’m Finally Starting a New Chapter In My Life appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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mother son daughter: son and daughter kissing mother on cheek

And Interview With My Children: 20 Years After The Divorce

mother son daughter: son and daughter kissing mother on cheek

 

Oh, how there are days when I think I got it all right. Then there are days when I think I got it all wrong.

Raising two children who were 4 weeks old and 4 years old when we ended our marriage and who are now in their 20’s! That represents a lot of growth. Growth not just for them, but for me as well.

I know I did the best I could given the cards that I was dealt. But was any of it right?

I was married 14 years and I have been single for 20 years now. I never remarried.

My parents were married for over 50 years. Both my grandparents celebrated their 60th wedding anniversaries. It just wasn’t in my DNA, I guess. Having the tools and models to cope in a divorced environment had to come from outside sources.

Coping with a divorce after infidelity was utterly foreign to me. Twenty years later, I know I am still growing as a woman; as a single woman who is now 60. I am picking up a bookmark that I laid down deliberately in order to raise a family.

But I didn’t know I still had growing to do as a single parent. Apparently, I do. And I have my two kids to show me just how much. I decided to interview them to get a little further insight.

I wanted to give voices to the children that are now 20 and 24 years old. And I wanted to share my findings with single moms who still have young children and are navigating all the frustrations and heartache that goes along with single parenting and divorce.

In my interviews, I learned a lot. I wish all three of us had the maturity then to speak back in those days. My children to have the wisdom of age to articulate how they felt, and me to have the maturity an adult should possess in order to hear them speak in ways they only knew how to communicate.

Much can be said if parents would just talk to their children and then shut up and listen. Even more, could be said if divorced parents would grow up and communicate; period. My son Scott was 4 years old when my ex-husband left. He is now 24 and works as a Congressional Aide. My daughter Olivia was 4 weeks old when my ex-husband left. She is now 20 and in college as a film major.

Here is my interview with my children.

What is your first memory or realization that your mom and dad were divorced?

Scott:

There was never one instance I can recall. My memories from those days are still a bit hazy. “Divorce” was just a concept I grew up with and accepted. Even if I knew it wasn’t the norm, it was my norm. I bore it largely because I was told to. Early on I would ask dad if you were ever getting back together and he said “no.” Maybe that was the first moment that I learned it was permanent.

Olivia:

I have no idea. I couldn’t tell you. It’s like asking me what my first memory was. Like realizing that I am a girl or something. There is no standout memory, it was just my life.

If you could give a voice to the child that you were at that time, what would you say? What questions would you have?

Scott:

I would tell him that it would impact him in ways he couldn’t imagine and still doesn’t fully understand. But I would also say that it doesn’t define you. You’re your father’s son, yes. But you’re not him. This is not a cycle that needs to repeat. I would simply try to tell my younger self that he is his own person. He might feel that he has no voice or choice but one day he will get a lot closer to finding those things for himself.

Olivia:

As a child back then, I would ask why can’t I choose who I want to go with and when? Why do you always ask me to tell dad how much you spent on something and vice versa for him? I would definitely say “stop asking me to be the one to give dad a check because I am obviously going to look at how much it is for. I always felt guilty about how much money was spent on me.

Were you angry? If so, what made you angry most?

Scott:

Of course. I was largely confused at the time and that manifested in anger. I was angry that things were changing and for no good reason. I was angry that my parents were angry at each other and were no longer friendly with each other, but instead openly hostile. I felt that they were the adults and should have the maturity to fix it themselves. Today I still feel a bit of that. I’m mostly angry at how it contributed to my longstanding anxiety about loss that I still cope with.

Olivia:

I’m not angry, I get frustrated because it seems that often I am the go-between you and dad. I hate having to do the “dad said” “mom said” thing. It’s annoying and makes me remember things that aren’t necessarily my responsibility as “the kid”.

What did it feel like to have divorced parents?

Scott:

Normal and yet abnormal. It was my normal. Still is. I’ve known almost nothing else. But it became abnormal when it contrasted with what my friends had, especially when I stayed over at their houses for playdates. It felt weird to talk about my parents separately as opposed to one entity. I often had to explain that they were divorced. I didn’t know how to process, let alone explain, that my parents didn’t like each other. Sometimes I felt sides had to be taken in battles that were not mine to fight.

Olivia:

In the grand scheme of things, it did not make me feel different at all. I don’t care that you guys are divorced, it doesn’t bother me. It only bothered me when you two had issues communicating. A lot of people’s parents are divorced. It’s almost more normal to have divorced parents now than it is to have married ones.

Did you feel different?

Scott:

Different from others? Yes. I knew I was. But I also didn’t lack for much that any middle-class kid would want or need and for that I’m always grateful. I got the toys and video games I wanted and got to see my friends often enough. But I knew that there was a wholeness and closeness that other “intact” families had that mine lacked.

Olivia:

I did not feel different in the slightest.

Did you feel like the divorce was your fault?

Scott:

Of all the tropes of children of divorce that I may play into, feeling like it’s, my fault has never been one of them. I knew it wasn’t my fault. That doesn’t make it much better as sometimes I felt victimized and powerless. But I didn’t blame myself.

Olivia:

I did think the divorce was my fault (being born sort of initiated it) but I don’t think that anymore. I think every kid carries with them the idea that it’s their fault but then we grow up and realize it’s not.

What still matters to you?

Scott:

I think I’ve adopted values that make a repeat of this situation less likely in my life. Commitments are important to me. One’s word in their oath. How I treat people and what I expect of myself is different – and better – as a result.

Olivia:

I don’t understand what you mean by what still matters to me. But I guess just having parents that are there for me matters. Knowing I have a relationship with both my mother and my father even though they’re divorced.

Does family have a deeper meaning to you or a lesser meaning to you as a result of divorce?

Scott:

Family has a much deeper meaning to me but strangely marriage has a much-reduced meaning. Commitment to family – serving and protecting them – is always important and even more so now that I see the results of the opposite philosophy.

However, I honestly have a low opinion of marriage. People – ostensibly mature adults – enter into these commitments all the time and almost as often don’t see it through. I saw a perfect marriage in my parents that was squandered so how could I not think every other kind of marriage is worthless too?

Olivia:

Again, the divorce was not something I actively saw (like Scott). I never knew anything before it, so the value of family stays the same for me. 

Do you think something good came out of the divorce at this stage of your life?

Scott:

If something good did come of it, it was my perspective. Having gone through things I likely would have never experienced if the divorce had not happened. I have a greater capacity to empathize with others. Because I’ve had fewer comforts, I have fewer blinders now. That’s invaluable to me. I choose to think that it made me a better human being.

Olivia:

I think the divorce had to happen. I think if it didn’t happen then, it would have happened later. I think it’s good you’re divorced because you guys probably would hate each other AND live under the same roof if you hadn’t.

These responses were eye opening and made me sad at first read. I wanted a do-ver. I wanted to hug my little people. I wanted to sit with my boy and talk to him in ways that would help him express his feelings.

I wanted to tell my little girl that I am sorry for ever making her feel like she was a go-between. I wanted to take back any and all things I said in anger towards their dad, even though I know I had every right to feel the anger for leaving his young family.

I sit here now and wonder if things would have been different if there had not been infidelity. Would I have been as angry? My heart was broken, and I was frightened. And he became a mere stranger overnight.

But I had no right to make my children feel sad, or guilty or anything that would rob them of a secure childhood. My son said he didn’t feel whole and that makes me sad. But then, I didn’t feel whole either so, what else was he going to feel?

My kids do know that I did everything in my power to bridge a new kind of relationship with my ex-husband. One that would grow into being just two old friends. That was my lofty hope anyway. Afterall we had known each other since we were the ages that our children are now.

I invited him to our daughter’s 1st Birthday party, and he declined. I should have stopped at that point, but I kept asking for inclusionary behaviors and he kept refusing. Sadly, I suppose when another woman is involved, these things are not attainable.

My kids saw me try and saw him resist so, I guess I am at least glad they saw some efforts, albeit one-sided. I fell out of love with him a very long time ago. I have not had a day in 20 years that I wanted my husband back. A shattered trust for me is irreparable. But a new relationship could have been forged for our very young children.

So, what is the epilogue of this story?

I share all of this with the hopes that any divorced mom reading this who has rough feelings towards their ex-husband as I did, will hear the words of two kids that are now adults and who are giving voice to the little people they once were.

I don’t want anyone to want a do-over. You have time to change the trajectory now.

My kids are amazing people. Though they felt like they were in a taffy pull often in their life they have grown to be two very intelligent, articulate people who have good hearts.

They have made the conscious choice to take the sum of their experiences and be good citizens of the world. I am grateful for these two exceptional people and I’m so glad I am their mom! Never stop learning.

“Any fool can have a child. That doesn’t make you a father. It’s the courage to raise a child that makes you a father.”

Barack Obama (raised by a single mother)

Best wishes to all the single moms that must be dads too….and remain civil!

The post And Interview With My Children: 20 Years After The Divorce appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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Texas Court Denies New Qualified Domestic Relations Order More Than 20 Years After Divorce

Texas Court Denies New Qualified Domestic Relations Order More Than 20 Years After Divorce

Originally published by Francesca Blackard.

By

A court generally may not amend or change the property division made in a Texas divorce decree.  The court may issue an order to enforce the property division, but such an order may only clarify the prior order or assist in its implementation.  If a court improperly amends or modifies the substantive property division in the final divorce decree, it is acting beyond its power and that order is unenforceable. Tex. Fam. Code Ann. § 9.007.  Qualified Domestic Relations Orders (QDRO) are separate orders that set forth the distribution of retirement plan assets.  They are considered a type of enforcement or clarification order and cannot change the property division made in the divorce decree.

In a recent case, an ex-wife sought an additional QDRO years after the divorce was finalized.  The couple divorced in 1995, and the parties have been in litigation for the past several years regarding the husband’s retirement accounts.

The divorce decree awarded the ex-wife 50% “of any and all sums … related to any … retirement plan, pension plan, … or other benefit program existing by reason of [ex-husband’s] past, present, or future employment, including without limitation, [ex-husband’s] Retirement Fund, Provident Fund, and SPIF Fund with Shell Oil Company per Qualified Domestic Relations Orders …”  The trial court signed a QDRO awarding the ex-wife half the funds in the ex-husband’s Shell Provident Fund on the date of the divorce.  The court found the total community property interest in the Shell Provident Fund was the total amount of contributions, interest, and earnings made or accrued by or on behalf of the ex-husband into any of the Shell Provident Fund accounts.  The QDRO stated the ex-wife was “divested of all right, title, and interest in and to any balance remaining in any account of the Shell Provident Fund…” and that the fund would be discharged from all obligations to her when full payment was made pursuant to the QDRO.  It also said it would become an integral part of the divorce decree.

 

The ex-wife received the funds from the QDRO.  In 2015, the ex-wife petitioned for another QDRO and the court signed it, with a valuation date of July 15, 2015.  The husband said he was not given notice of the hearing and that neither the petition nor the QDRO were on file with the court before the hearing.

The ex-wife did not receive the funds from the 2015 QDRO.  She filed an amended QDRO in April 2016 with a 2015 valuation date, but the trial court did not sign it.  She filed a petition to enter an amended QDRO the following month, with the 2015 valuation date and amount.

In April 2017, the husband filed a petition for bill of review of the divorce decree.  He asked the court to clarify that the retirement benefits were to be divided as they existed on the date of the divorce.  He argued the court did not have jurisdiction to sign the 2015 QDRO because it conflicted with the divorce decree and the 1995 QDRO. The ex-wife then filed another amended petition to enter a QDRO.  After a hearing, the trial court granted the bill of review, modified the decree, and set aside the 2015 QDRO.

The ex-wife filed a response, arguing the bill of review had been untimely.  The court then signed a “Court’s Rendition,” in which it denied the bill of review, set aside the reformed decree and QDRO, and reinstated the original decree.

The ex-wife then filed another proposed QDRO, but the trial court did not enter it due to a missing signature.  She filed a “Motion to Sign QDRO.” The docket entry indicated that the motion was not properly served, and the hearing was rescheduled.  The husband’s attorney argued the 1995 QDRO divested the ex-wife of all interest in the fund.  The trial court denied the motion, finding the 1995 QDRO awarded the wife half the funds as of the date of divorce and that she was not entitled to anything else from the fund.

The trial court denied the wife’s motion for a new trial. She appealed, arguing the divorce decree had awarded her half of the fund through the ex-husband’s last date of employment.  The ex-husband argued that the proposed QDRO was an impermissible collateral attack on the 1995 QDRO.

The appeals court noted that a QDRO is a final, appealable order.  A party who does not appeal a QDRO may not collaterally attack it through a separate proceeding.  The appeals court found that the ex-wife’s motion to enter a new proposed QDRO filed so many years after the divorce was such a collateral attack.

The court also noted that the 1995 QDRO awarded the ex-wife half of the fund as it was valued on the date of the divorce and divested her of any further interest.  The QDRO she sought to have entered would have awarded her a share of all amounts contributed on behalf of the ex-husband “in the past, present, and future.” The ex-wife received the funds she was awarded in the 1995 QDRO in 1995.  Her proposed QDRO sought to avoid the effect of the decree and the 1995 QDRO, making it a collateral attack.

The appeals court also rejected the ex-wife’s argument that she was entitled to QDROs awarding her half of the ex-husband’s other benefits and employer-based savings plans through his past, present and future employment.  The court found she was also barred from collaterally attacking the division as to these benefits as well.

The appeals court affirmed the trial court’s denial of the motion to sign the QDRO.

Although this case is procedurally complex, it illustrates the importance of addressing issues promptly through the appropriate procedures.  If you think your marriage may be ending, a skilled Texas divorce attorney can help you through the difficult process.  Schedule an appointment with McClure Law Group by calling 214.692.8200.

Curated by Texas Bar Today. Follow us on Twitter @texasbartoday.



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Don’t Make Divorce Co-Parenting Your New Year’s Resolution

Don’t Make Divorce Co-Parenting Your New Year’s Resolution

Wait, what? Isn’t January 1st the time to make those grand plans to improve our life? Too often, people make New Year’s resolutions that are too broad and too overwhelming to succeed. This can be especially true with something as inherently complicated as divorce co-parenting.

The post Don’t Make Divorce Co-Parenting Your New Year’s Resolution appeared first on Divorce Magazine.

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Celebrate Your Divorce

7 Reasons to Celebrate Your Divorce AND New Year’s Eve!

Celebrate Your Divorce

 

There are silver linings to divorce. As a matter of fact, for some, divorce is the icing on the cake of their lives.

In many cases, there are a range of reasons why divorce is good and many times when divorce is best.

And even if divorce left you heartbroken, there is still reason to be thankful, regardless of whether it was what you wanted or not.

And that’s why I’ve put together a list of reasons to not only celebrate divorce but, New Year’s Eve also. I hope to see you out and about!

7 Reasons to Celebrate Your Divorce AND New Year’s Eve!

1. Marriage may give you a sense of security but divorce gives you a new lease on life.

Staying in a bad marriage can provide security because at least you know how your life will go. But getting a divorce gives you hope ― the hope to be who you want to be, the hope to be happy and the hope to find someone else to love.

2. Being a single parent is better than modeling an unhealthy relationship.

If you’re a parent with young kids, getting a divorce is better than staying in a bad marriage because these are formative years for them. They will likely seek out and emulate the types of relationships they see modeled. I want my relationships to be happy, healthy and mutually respectful so that my children never settle for anything else in their own lives.

3. Divorce clears the way for you to meet the right partner.

Divorce is painful but it’s kind of like pulling off a Band-Aid: The anticipation is horrible but once it’s over, it’s pure relief. Bonus: It allows you the freedom to meet the person you were meant to be with!

4. You get to focus on you for once.

After divorce, you find yourself again and fall in love with the wonderful attributes that make you, you. As a mother especially, you can parent with just your own mama instincts and all your love and energy can flow into your little one(s). You find genuine peace and happiness and an appreciation for life that may have been sucked out of you during your bad marriage.

5. A happier parent is a better parent.

Learning to let go and step into the unknown may be the single most important thing you can do for your own sanity and the sanity of those around you. Divorce proves that you have the courage to live a life of happiness. And if you’re happier, you’ll be a far more effective parent.

6. You can devote your energy to other important areas of your life.

If you have done all the work of trying to make the marriage better and nothing is changing, finding the courage to leave and move forward pays off in the long run. The payoff? You stop putting all your energy into a relationship that no longer works and put more energy into yourself and your kids.

7. You lose a spouse but you gain happiness.

Divorce brought me happiness. Life is far too short to spend it immersed in an unhealthy relationship.

The post 7 Reasons to Celebrate Your Divorce AND New Year’s Eve! appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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6 Things You Should do if You Want a New Year’s Divorce

6 Things You Should do if You Want a New Year’s Divorce

Happy New Year! By the end of next week, I will probably have received at least half a dozen phone calls from prospective new clients eager to get a New Year’s divorce. It happens every year. In the past, I thought it was simply a matter of timing. Unhappy couples wanted to get through the […]

The post 6 Things You Should do if You Want a New Year’s Divorce appeared first on Divorce Magazine.

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tips to get you through new year

5 Tips To Get You Through New Year’s Eve After a Stressful Holiday Season

tips to get you through new year's eve

 

Whether you’re separated, currently going through a divorce or the ink on your divorce agreement has been dry for a while… the time between Christmas/Hanukkah and New Year’s Eve can be an extremely difficult time of the year!!

The holidays are physically and emotionally draining. We face so many stressful obligations…all masked by the magical sparkle of Joyful Celebration!

Celebrations where we most likely ate and drank too much and ended up getting very little rest!!

This all takes a tremendous toll on us.

Chances are we also got caught up in the whirlwind of shopping for special gifts, wrapping, cooking, baking, decorating, entertaining and even traveling… which inevitably resulted in our wallets being as depleted as our energy levels. And, the numbers on the bathroom scale rising right along with our stress levels.

Let’s face it, separation and divorce (all on their own) can have the very same unpleasant results like those mentioned above. Therefore, this time of the year can quickly become anything but Wonderful!!

So, unless you’re a fan of self-torture, now is the time to be extra kind to yourself. And turning to more alcohol or more food for comfort and joy will only make you feel worse in the long run.

Remember, it is most important to choose your methods of Post-Holiday-Self-Care WITH Care.

5 Tips To Get You Through New Year’s Eve

1. Take time for yourself.

After all the celebratory chaos, it’s time to slow everything down. Go for a walk in nature and turn your face up to the sun. Breathe deeply. Soak in a hot Epsom salt bath with some essential oils.

Sit quietly and just breathe.

TRY NOT TO “DO” – “WATCH” – “READ” or “LISTEN TO” – ANYTHING!

Create an environment free from noise or other distractions (even people). Just for a little while each day. Detox. This may sound silly, but if you can take some alone time to refresh and replenish for a short time each day, you will be amazed by the many benefits you’ll begin to notice.

It’s so important to regain our balance after being so depleted. When we’re fragile, negativity can take hold– But, once we strengthen our inner fortitude, we regain our resilience. Remember to continue taking some alone time each day in the new year!

2. If you’re sad cry if you’re angry punch a pillow.

Everybody seems to be a bit more emotional at this time of the year. And you have more than enough reasons to be feeling some pretty intense ups and downs. So, give yourself permission to feel your feelings. But also be smart!

Now that we realize we may be feeling extra sensitive during this time, try to do what makes you happy and avoid what makes you sad.

If watching those sappy Hallmark love stories makes you melancholy… don’t watch them.

If scrolling through Facebook and seeing everyone’s seemingly picture perfect life depresses you… take a break from FB. If it makes you happy to help others in need… take this time to volunteer at a soup kitchen or homeless shelter.

3. Have a plan.

New Year’s Eve is a difficult night for many people. Even people in happy marriages and good relationships. So, take the time to think about creative ways you can “celebrate” NYE in the most pleasant way possible. Whether you’ll be celebrating with your kids or they’ll be with their other parent, you have options.

Think outside the box!!

And remember there will always be another NYE next year. I’ve had my share of horrible NYEs and wonderful NYEs. So, if the best option you can come up with is going to bed early and sleeping through the ball drop… so be it. There’s always next year.

4. This too shall pass.

Even though separation and divorce suck, things will get better. I promise. February will follow January and winter will turn into spring. To everything, there is a season.

Life is full of challenges and victories. It is a circle of darkness into light. So, even though these may be particularly dark and difficult times, hang in there… because the sun will surely shine again, maybe more brightly than ever before.

5. You’re not alone.

Hopefully, it brings you a bit of comfort during these difficult times to know there are many of us who are here for you. Some of us are right alongside you in the deep, dark trenches of separation and divorce and some have finally crawled our way out. And we’ll reach out our hand to help pull you up and out as well.

Yes, the time between Christmas/Hanukkah and New Year’s Eve can be an extremely difficult time of the year… but it can also be a time for us to cultivate our inner strength, to grow and develop some positive coping skills. It also gives us the opportunity to focus on all the promising possibilities ahead in the new year.

Happy 2020!!

The post 5 Tips To Get You Through New Year’s Eve After a Stressful Holiday Season appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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A 4-Step Plan to Create a Life You Love without New Year’s Resolutions

A 4-Step Plan to Create a Life You Love without New Year’s Resolutions

Make this your best year up to now! Say goodbye to new year’s resolutions and live your best life every day.

The post A 4-Step Plan to Create a Life You Love without New Year’s Resolutions appeared first on Divorce Magazine.

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Create a Life You Love Without New Year’s Resolutions

Create a Life You Love Without New Year’s Resolutions

Make 2020 your best year yet! Say goodbye to New Year’s resolutions and live your best life every day with this 4-step plan.

The post Create a Life You Love Without New Year’s Resolutions appeared first on Divorce Magazine.

Read More –>