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Give Yourself a Pat on The Back; You’re An Awesome Single Mom!

Give Yourself a Pat on The Back; You’re An Awesome Single Mom!

 Awesome single mom.jpg

“This is the family that we are, and we’ve got each other, and I believe that is more than enough.”  Jeanne Darst

My therapist always makes me start off every session by listing 4 things that are going well in my life.  I always find myself dashing up the stairs to her office thinking, “Crap!  I need to come up with the 4 good things!”

Why is this so hard?

My therapist swears she makes everyone do this, not just me, and she wouldn’t make everyone do it if this weren’t something we are all guilty of – having trouble looking at all the good in our lives.

And did you see the Dove Beauty post that was floating around the internet over the last couple of weeks?  The one where they show the difference in the pictures drawn based on a woman’s description of herself versus those drawn based on the description of a stranger?   It was crazy to see how much more beautiful strangers find us than we find ourselves.

That is jacked up, my friends.

Do you have any idea how amazing and gorgeous you are?

How many difficult things you get done every day – feeding picky eaters; getting up early to simultaneously prepare breakfast, pack lunches, find lost socks, sign homework and get everyone out the door; and the hundreds of other multi-tasking details that you stay on top of?

You’re An Awesome Single Mom!

You are a ROCK STAR.

You are kicking ass and taking names every day of the week.  Kid lost his left cleat?  You know where it is. No one at the office knows the name of the guy that came and did that thing for us?  You know where to find him.   Need to pick up something for dinner – ooh, and milk for the morning –  in between picking up kids from school and getting to tutoring, while still managing to feed everyone before 8pm, with at least one fresh vegetable making it to plate? You’re on it.

Yes, this stuff sounds small and unimportant.  But it’s not; it’s the stuff that makes life work.
The stuff that makes life good.

You only think it’s small and unimportant because so many other women are doing the same thing every day.  That’s my point – how amazing is this planet that so many people are out there every day doing all these small things that come together and made good lives for our families?

How good is this life right now?  Will you tell someone else how awesome they are?  Let’s shift the conversation.  Let’s stop talking about all the places where we aren’t satisfying our inner critic and start noticing and appreciating each other for the things we do to make life good for each other.

I’ll start – thank you for finding time to read this.  I know you are busy and I am so grateful you are here.  Now, it’s your turn.

Go get ‘em, rock star.

Single Mom Affirmations…Repeat After Me!

1. If I do nothing today besides hug my kids, then I’ve done enough.

2. I’m not the perfect mother, but I’m exactly the one my children need.

3. Today I will see the best in my child and the best in myself.

4. The decisions made by other moms do not need to dictate mine.

5. I have been called to motherhood—the most powerful calling in the world.

6. I respect my children; I respect myself.

7. Being a good mom takes courage, and today I’m feeling brave.

8. My mothering body is beautiful.

9. Today I will be the type of person I would like my children to become.

10. There’s value in showing my kids my vulnerability.

11. Not loving every moment of motherhood doesn’t mean I don’t love being a mom.

The post Give Yourself a Pat on The Back; You’re An Awesome Single Mom! appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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Helpful Tips If You’re a New Homeowner After Divorce

Helpful Tips If You’re a New Homeowner After Divorce

If you’re thinking of becoming a new homeowner after divorce, you may find yourself a little bit overwhelmed.

The post Helpful Tips If You’re a New Homeowner After Divorce appeared first on Divorce Magazine.

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not healing from your divorce

4 Reasons You’re NOT Healing From Your Divorce

not healing from your divorce

 

We all know that the pain that follows a divorce is horrible, and can probably be multiplied by a very large number if the divorce was sudden and/or unexpected. When we’re in the midst of heartache it can truly feel as though our broken parts will never heal, and that we will never feel whole or normal again.

Yet healing is a very natural process. We can all heal. Some of us may be stuck in a loop of grief, not knowing how to help ourselves move through and past the pain. We may be unknowingly committed to outdated beliefs and stories – beliefs that are holding us back from creating a new life and story for ourselves.

I’m a firm believer that TIME is one of our best friends when it comes to moving forward and healing from heartbreak. Yet all the time in the world will NOT help if you’re not giving it a bit of a helping hand. When people say that time heals nothing, I say yes and no. Time DOES heal – but not time alone.

Sitting around waiting to feel better will probably not be enough to make you feel better. If you feel that something is missing – that you’re not moving forward and healing from your divorce, it may be time for a few life and mindset adjustments.

Here are 4 reasons you may not be healing from your divorce:

1. You’re stuck in RESISTANCE mode

When ‘bad’ things happen to us, it is a very normal thing to struggle and resist against what is happening. Yet here’s the thing: hard as it may be to come to terms with, accepting the change to your circumstances, rather than resisting it, is extremely important in helping you navigate what is happening. If the decision to divorce is final – whether it was your choice or not – stop wishing it otherwise.

You will only prolong the pain, and delay your progress in moving through the grief if you spend time and energy wishing and hoping for things to be different.

I have learned that nothing is truly permanent in life – good or bad. Once you accept that situations and people naturally evolve, you’ll find that change becomes a lot less daunting. A huge obstacle for a lot of us after divorce is learning how to get over our preconceived notions of how things ‘should’ be. Yet all of us can learn to change our thought processes, and as a result, let go of outdated beliefs and stories.

It is normal and healthy to grieve. Allow the grief, and allow it to pass when it’s time. Learn about the grieving process – know where you are at in the process. And know that with allowance, it WILL pass.

2. You’re still stalking/speaking to/spending time with your EX

It is a very noble idea to want to ‘stay friends’ with the ex. Sometimes, its best left at that – an idea. Why? Because in order to move on and heal from our divorce, we simply must learn to emotionally detach from him.

Some context: when we have spent a good portion of our time with another person in an intimate relationship, emotional bonds, and ties will have formed – this is a normal and natural process. During a break-up, those bonds are ties must be severed, and this naturally hurts.

We don’t like the hurt, so we fight it. We often do everything we can to hold on – to our partner and to our memories – and this is where our troubles begin. We simply don’t know how to let go, or emotionally detach. The good news is that with a little time and a little effort, we will get through the hurt and begin to feel better.

Accepting that the relationship is over and allowing the grieving process are important first steps to getting your ex out of your headspace.

The next focus needs to be on maintaining separate lives and ending the reliance on him. RESIST the urge to know what he is up to, who he’s seeing, where he’s going. DON’T stalk him or her on social media, and don’t ask others (especially your children) what he is up to. If you do need to be in contact – focus on keeping it simple and business-like.

This is truly the best way to emotionally detach and most importantly, HEAL.

3. You’re not spending ample time LOVING yourself

Most of us lose a part of ourselves whilst in a long-term relationship or marriage. I lost a BIG part of myself during my seventeen-year marriage. I married young and over the years somehow managed to forget that I was somebody outside of the marriage at all.

Needless to say, when my husband left I had quite the task both rediscovering and learning how to love ME. I had to re-learn a lot of self-care, and a lot of self-love. And so it may be for you now.

Truth is, most of us struggle with self-love. And the struggle is never more real than in times of change and upheaval – when we are pushed WAY out of our comfort zones, dealing with a broken heart, and naturally feeling our crappiest and lowest.

Yet the time just after a divorce is the perfect time to start learning how to truly love yourself. It is the perfect time to go deep within yourself and find out what it is that makes you tick – what fires you up, what gives you comfort, what it is that you need to do to fix your broken parts for GOOD.

Do your best not to spend all of your time thinking, obsessing or worrying about your ex – or when your next relationship will be. Learn to use this time alone wisely. SPEND time alone. Learn to love being alone. Learn to love and care for yourself – TRULY love and care for yourself.

4. You’re not setting GOALS for the future

During a significant life shift such as divorce, there is a definite healing power to be found in intention or goal setting. After having just completed one chapter of your life, it makes sense to lay some plans for how you would like the next chapter to be.

Your goals may change over time as your psyche slowly adjusts to your new life and reality, but that’s OK. Even if you don’t achieve a particular goal, or it changes significantly to accommodate your changing feelings and circumstances, there is still power in letting yourself envision some concrete plans for your future, doing what you need to do to make them reality, then letting go and allowing the universe to take care of the rest.

Use your newfound knowledge of yourself – who you really are and what you really want in life – to start setting some goals – big or small. And remember at all times to have FUN with it. Good luck.

The post 4 Reasons You’re NOT Healing From Your Divorce appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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distracting things to do on valentine

10 Distracting Things To Do On Valentine’s Day If You’re Unattached

distracting things to do on valentine's day

 

For some people, the transition between divorce and single life appears daunting — a bridge too far — especially during holidays that emphasize love and closeness. While the Yuletide season has now passed (one of the worst times for newly divorced individuals), Valentine’s Day is quick on the heels of that stressful and often sad time of year.

According to David J. Glass, Certified Family Law Specialist and former therapist (he holds a Ph.D. in Psychology as well as a J.D.) and author of the book, Moving On: Redesigning Your Emotional, Financial and Social Life After Divorce, there is no need to dread the upcoming Valentine’s Day event. Glass says there are positive ways to feel loved and comforted when navigating feelings and despair on Valentine’s Day.

With that in mind, Glass has put together the following 10 tips for activities for those without a special someone on that romantic day that are fun, distracting and inspiring.

10 Distracting Things To Do On Valentine’s Day

1. WHEN YOU FIRST WAKE UP, MEDITATE: 

Meditation, especially in the morning, is a great way to set yourself up for a calmer and kinder day.  For example, the first thing you could say to yourself: “Today is going to be a great day; a special day for me. I’m going to do things all day long that make me feel loved and nurtured.”

2. PLAN AHEAD TO GIVE OF YOURSELF:

In advance, arrange to spend just an hour or two at a local senior care center (read, chat, play board games…). Often, those folks are truly lonely and sequestered. You also can consider visiting an animal shelter. Take a dog or cat into the visiting arena for a bit. You will feel the love from that pet, and its appreciation of you. Who knows, you might even consider taking a pet home—adopting it.

3. GO ONLINE OR TO A MALL:

Buy yourself something special—an item that you’ve been wanting, like a cozy sweater, an Alexa type device; new flat screen, pair of kick-butt shoes. Whatever it is, tell yourself you deserve it and say thanks to you for being such a considerate gift-giving “Valentine.”

4. HIT THE GYM, DO SOME YOGA OR TAKE A RUN:

Whatever makes you feel fit and healthy; eating right, taking a nap, deep breathing exercises. Do what it is that makes you feel good about the way you take care of yourself.

5. SPLURGE ON LUNCH OR DINNER:

It doesn’t have to be a fancy restaurant; an expensive meal. You can indulge in a Big Mac or an exotic salad at any nutrition-conscious eatery, just make sure your meal is substantial, filling and tasty. Make it one you don’t usually have. It will satisfy your guilty pleasure and make you feel loved. Top it off with some chocolate or some coffee.

6. HEAD FOR THE SPA:

If you’re a regular, try something different. If you typically get a mani-pedi, get an hour-long facial. If you get a full-body massage, ask for a reflexology treatment. It doesn’t matter your gender when going to a salon or spa. Everyone feels good when they are gently touched and thoughtfully pampered.

7. MAKE A LIST:

In three columns write down ways you can move on emotionally, financially and socially. Get creative. If you’ve always called your mother when you’re feeling down, jot down another source to perk you up. If you earn and spend your money according to a static routine, change it up and for Valentine’s Day. Don’t let your concern for financial security influence your choices. Rearrange your budget to accommodate guilty pleasures.

Same with the items you now list on changing up your social life. Write down activities you can do that include others in the same situation. Yes, very often, misery does love and need company. Establishing new habits (like spending, social outings, and get-togethers) are wonderful ways to make you feel loved because you’re getting fired up to create a whole new lifestyle.

8. SPEND A FEW HOURS WITH THOSE WHO YOU KNOW LOVE YOU:

Rather than hide out or withdraw, reach out to your family and friends, including your children (stage a valentine card competition) and there’s no question you will feel love “emphasized” which you truly deserve.

9. SNEAK A HUG FROM A STRANGER:

It might sound crazy, but maybe today is the day you ask for a hug from the mail carrier, the person who hands you your dry cleaning items, the security guard at your place of work or your children’s school, or the guy who is replenishing the produce section in the grocery store. You can easily say, “Hey, it’s Valentine’s Day. Mind if steal a quick hug.” Most loving individuals will feel honored you asked. They need one, too.  Although hugs are momentary, the residue can last the entire day!

10. BINGE-WATCH SOMETHING:

Sitting on or in your bed all Valentine’s Day watching one of the web series you missed, is another way to say, “I love you” to yourself. It’s one more special gift that illustrates that you do, in fact, love “thyself.”

The post 10 Distracting Things To Do On Valentine’s Day If You’re Unattached appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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settling for less than you deserve

5 Signs You’re Settling For Less Than You Deserve in Your Relationship

settling for less than you deserve

 

Are you in a romantic relationship or marriage that’s just not right but you’re not willing to risk ending it? Maybe you’ve convinced yourself that things will change or you’ve done something wrong to deserve less than optional treatment. Or your fear of being alone and feeling unlovable is unbearable.

Maybe he or she is gorgeous and treats you well but something is missing. Perhaps your family or friends have convinced you to hang in there or try harder.

You may even know intellectually that nobody should have to settle for less than they deserve but your emotions are conflicted.  This may leave you unwilling to take the chance of breaking things off because you fear you won’t meet someone else and will be alone for a long time.

Perhaps some of your friends have been single for a while and they complain about how hard it is to meet a nice man or woman. Underneath all of these rationalizations is a deep-seated fear of being alone.

Fear of Being Single:

New research conducted by Stephanie S. Spielman demonstrates that fear of being single is a meaningful predictor of settling for less in relationships.  In her groundbreaking study, Spielman discovered that the fear of being single predicts settling for less in romantic relationships. She found that fear of being single is a strong predictor of staying with a partner who is wrong for you.

Further, Spielman’s results showed that individuals who report being fearful of being alone will stay with unresponsive, less attractive partners rather than face that dreaded fate. Being fearful of being alone was also associated with being less selective of a potential partner at speed-dating events in her landmark study.

Let’s face it, nobody should have to settle for less than they deserve just for the sake of being part of a couple. But what is the source of your fear of being single? Although the answer varies from person to person, one factor that causes someone to settle is past experiences of romantic rejection and another is fear of prolonged singlehood.

Of all the difficult experiences that individuals face in life, being alone can be among the hardest. Growing up, you probably weren’t given good examples of how to be alone. It seems like everything you see in movies and TV and on the internet is about how to find the right partner, and make it work.

There’s nothing wrong with seeking love because it’s beautiful and can bring about some of the most treasured moments in our lives. But very few people know how to be alone and do it well. They aren’t happy to be alone. They fear it and seek love wherever they go. Too often the pleasure they find with falling in love is the sweet release of no longer being by themselves in the world.

Single women may be reluctant to acknowledge the challenges of being alone for fear of being seen as desperate or needy. According to author Sara Eckel, many of the stereotypes we have about single women are misleading. She writes, “The single life isn’t a prison sentence nor is it a cocktail party. It is simply a life – a life with responsibilities and rewards, good days and bad ones, successes, and failures.

In her article “Stop Telling Women They Are Fabulous,” she reminds us that we don’t really know how to discuss single women in our culture because in times past they were seen as lonely spinsters, quietly languishing in their studio apartments.

Too often I hear women (and some men) who are coupled up rationalize why they are still in a relationship when maybe they shouldn’t be. They say things like, “I know my relationship isn’t perfect, but at least . . . he doesn’t yell at me.” Or “he really is a good dad.” Or “he will always be faithful to me.” When I hear things like that I am reminded that breaking up with someone is an act of courage. To be honest with someone about why the relationship isn’t working is an act of love.

When you can accept that your relationship doesn’t make you the best person you can be, and you correct course by breaking up, you become immeasurably stronger.

Whatever the reason, if you assess that you are staying in a relationship that’s all wrong for you, it’s important to take a few steps to determine if you need to end it. This can take time and a commitment to loving and respecting yourself. However simplistic this may seem, self-love and self-respect are the basis of loving another person.

Here are 5 signs that you are settling for less than you deserve in your relationship:

  • The relationship brings you down and your significant other doesn’t inspire you to do your best. Perhaps he/she is overly critical or too focused on his/her needs to be supportive of you.
  • You feel you have to change yourself – your values, goals, or dreams for your partner to accept you.
  • You are in an emotionally or physically abusive relationship. You may have hidden this from family or friends due to shame or codependency issues – putting your partner’s needs before your own.
  • You’ve been cheated on repeatedly and keep giving him or her more chances in spite of the fact that he or she has proven to be untrustworthy.
  • You sacrifice too much. Since your partner is unable to compromise – you morph into someone else to accommodate his or her expectations, needs, or desires.

In closing, you may not be able to determine what’s wrong or missing in your intimate relationship at this moment. It could take time and perhaps the help of a skilled therapist or relationship coach to figure things out. In the meantime, remind yourself that you are worth the effort and deserve to be loved.

Often, the courage needed to end a relationship that is no longer meeting one or both partners’ needs shows the greatest strength. However, if you decide to stay in your relationship because you feel it’s worth trying to save, consider couples counseling if your partner is willing and motivated – before you walk away.

Let’s end with this quote from Sara Eckel: “Mostly, you gain strength when you learn to listen to your own voice and live life on your own terms.”

More from Terry:

Follow Terry Gaspard on Twitter, Facebook, and movingpastdivorce.com

The post 5 Signs You’re Settling For Less Than You Deserve in Your Relationship appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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You Can’t Heal What You’re Afraid To Feel

You Can’t Heal What You’re Afraid To Feel

 

We have all been so disconnected from FEELING our FEELINGS that we innately believe we should do everything possible to turn away from and avoid them.

The messages we believe are ‘Don’t think about it’, ‘Do something to distract yourself from it’, ‘Think nice or grateful thoughts instead’.

Yet negative emotions, beliefs and unconscious programs are like housework. If unattended they simply pile up and get worse.

It’s my greatest desire that you escape the LIES you have been told about avoiding your emotions forever, and you come home to the ONLY way to Heal for Real.

Because the truth is … it is impossible to recover from trauma unless we feel our feelings.

 

 

Video Transcript

I understand the terror of our feelings.

They can feel TOO big.

We may believe the intensity of painful feelings will take us OUT.

We may have the fear that if we get mired in them, we will not be able to function.

Maybe you believe that healing is going to take forever and that you have to go slowly because you are feeling too much intensity.

And then there are all the unconscious ways we don’t want to ‘feel our feelings’.

Ways such as sneaky, pesky, egoic excuses that distract us from the inner work. Or we may stay busy or zone out with food, alcohol, TV and social media.

The ways that we can avoid emotions and self-medicate and self-abandon our Inner Being are endless.

Today I want to get right down to the essential truths that no-one really has been telling us – apart from people who now understand the truth about trauma recovery.

And this truth is… That it is impossible to recover from trauma unless you feel your feelings.

I want to take you through this step-by-step: why we must feel our feelings as well as how to do it safely, lovingly and powerfully – regardless of how much you have suffered and been through.

Okay, before we get started, thank you everyone who has subscribed to my channel and for supporting the Thriver Mission. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Now to begin…

 

Feeling Your Feelings Was Vital Even Before Abuse

I certainly didn’t know how important it was to be able to feel my feelings before my Thriver Recovery. In fact, I wasn’t even in my body, partnered with myself in any way. How was I to know this was not healthy when this was my ‘normal?’

I know it has been the same for many of you – living disassociated; not being housed emotionally in your body; looking outwards to life whilst being stuck in survival programs – rather than generating self-creation.

When we are attempting to live life from the outside in, trying to work out what everyone else is or isn’t being, so that we can somehow respond to that to survive – we are a reactor and victim of life.

Yet what we really need to be is a responder and creator of it.

Being a reactor to life equals ‘how to lose’ – every time.

Reacting to life means – ‘I will try to adapt me to become what is necessary to make you grant me what I need to feel safe, successful and loved.’

Responding to life means – ‘I will align with my values, truths and boundaries regarding what my desired life is, and you will either lean in and join me in this experience or leave and clear the way for someone who shares my values and truths and does.’

It’s vital to understand that living life powerfully and successfully, from the inside out, is NOT a logical thing.

You can’t generate this by trying to logically make it happen.

And the reason why you can’t, is because your logical brain only generates 5% of your life experience. What is really unfolding as your life, is from your emotional composition, beliefs and subconscious programs.

Which in short is HOW you FEEL about any topic in your life and the TRUTHS you have EMBODIED about them.

If you haven’t yet come home to your Inner Being to resolve, partner with and heal your emotional self, in regard to the painful topics in your life, including of course narcissistic abuse, then your emotional feelings, beliefs and subconscious programs will be unhealed. They will remain traumatised.

This almighty remaining 95% of your life then rules your thoughts. This is why the stinking thinking and obsessive thoughts that beat you up don’t stop, no matter how hard you try to stop them.

The resolution?

To be in your body, embodied in responding and creating your life effectively. To feel and heal your emotions.

There is no other way.

 

What Your Feelings Are Not

Because of our human obsession to avoid our painful feelings, at all costs, we innately believe we should do everything possible to turn away from and avoid them.

Yet negative emotions, beliefs and unconscious programs are like housework. If unattended they simply pile up and get worse.

This is why, as people age, the trauma, sickness and breakdowns increase and, generally for all of us as members of a narcissistic abuse community, the abusers and the incidents get worse and worse and worse.

The real question is – ‘How bad does it need to get before I do meet my Inner Being and start doing the necessary housework there?’

One of the common reasons why we seem so committed to self-abandoning is the belief that our inner, painful emotions are going to reveal terrible and horrible things about us. Things that we simply may not be able to face.

This is an illusion; it’s not the truth. It’s part of the lie that has been fed to us.

Your negative emotions are NOT who you really are.

They are not your True Coded Divine Self. They are false ideas and lies that were inflicted upon you by other people; people who had these inflicted on them.

Yes, the dense energy of them HURTS. But just as you don’t associate a cut on your leg as ‘I am unlovable, unworthy of love and not worth loving,’ because it is as yet unhealed and feels intensely painful, you should not do the same with any intensely painful feelings.

The truth, which is organically coded into every one of us, is that we are divine, adored and loved beyond measure by all of Creation, because we are Creation itself.

This is the Truth that we are all, in this incredible time, returning to – if you are prepared to wake up, challenge the lies and do the inner work to live free of them.

There is only one way out of the lies… You need to turn within, face and release the negative emotions, and the false beliefs connected to them, and go free of them. You need to know, believe and live within your soul right to FULLY be yourself.

 

What Your Feelings Really Are

Your feelings are no less or more than a signal showing you whether you are integrated on any particular topic in your life or if you have beliefs and traumas blocking you from your True Self and Life.

This is how the ecology of life works regarding your feelings.

What you want with all your heart – love, success, happiness and health – is what your superconscious (God/Source/Creation), which is all the Higher Part of YOU, wants for you too.

This force is benevolent and all-loving.

Whether or not you achieve alignment with this Force, depends on what is going on in your manufacturing powerhouse – your subconscious. When you are aligned on any topic, you feel good and the real-life results unfold beautifully. You experience wholeness.

Triggered traumas, delays, disappointments, and even catastrophes, show you how your inner subconscious beliefs are not what your heart desires and what your Superconscious Creator wants to bring to you.

So, what is your real job?

To attend to the subconscious programs.

How do you do that?

Be at one with your emotions. Accept and bless all of them as the God Signal letting you know ‘where you are at’ with everything and everyone.

If you get caught up in the story, analysis, research and regurgitation of our wounds – meaning staying mired in them – you are missing the point.

You are not supposed to be a student of your negative emotions, any more than you are supposed to study life continually rather than just set yourself FREE to start living it.

What you are supposed to do is find and then LET GO of what is not serving you.

This is the trauma – the emotional fractures, lies, false beliefs and wounds – that are NOT who you really are.

But you can’t do that unless you are determined to meet them and be with them.

If you take the talk therapy track; you hang on to your victimisation. If you identify with these traumas and negative emotions, you simply get stuck and snagged up in your emotions.

If you join groups of ‘survivors’ or ‘victims’, then your only hope is to try to manage the symptoms of the remaining trauma inside of you.

Every time you decide that your negative emotions are you, or a part of you and your life, you hang on to them.

However, you can come back to the Soul Truth, that these negative emotions are only internalised false energies and beliefs inflicted on you.

They are NOT you!

When we Go Quantum we know that there is NO reason to regurgitate or be in the story.

We know we have methods that work directly with the subconscious in ways that the subconscious responds. We can feel, hold, load up and release dense trauma energy, unlike cognitive talk therapy, research and information gathering, which use our logical brain and doesn’t connect to or communicate with our limbic and nervous systems where the trauma energy is trapped.

Once we start working with our negative emotions the Quantum Way, we know that no matter what the trauma is, no matter how big and who it came from, that this information is truly irrelevant.

Yes the traumas you experienced were awful and terrible for you, and their effects have been grave, disastrous and far-reaching in your life, BUT what is relevant now is getting whatever that trauma is ‘up and out’ of your Being.

When this happens, you can simply return to your Coded True Self – which is joy, love, success and health.

When you start living this way, I promise you will realise that simply being with trauma – feeling it, loading it up without getting taken out into the head story, and then fully releasing it and living free from it – profoundly works.

These shifts are somatically felt.

It is so much more than ‘trying to think differently’.

It is a profound process of letting the pain and fear go, and being filled with your superconscious Light and Truth that reactivates you without trauma.

The result is this: you don’t just start trying to force yourself to heal and change – you just ARE healed and changed on that topic.

You emerge knowing and being the wholeness that you were once struggling to grasp, let alone retain.

But, as mentioned before, this doesn’t happen until you are willing to feel WHAT you need to feel and release and replace, from deep within your emotional visceral Being.

 

Being Self-Partnered and Feeling Your Feelings is Your True Divinity

When you start living like this, you will understand how natural it is to be in your body, navigating life from ‘Who Am I REALLY in regard to this?’ rather than trying to work out who to be via everything and everyone else.

It is such a relief to manage and heal your own painful emotions when triggered, rather than handing away your power to False Sources (narcissists) to try to force them to help you.

It is so beautiful to be anchored into your values and truths, and not to be so precariously susceptible to people’s actions, decisions and opinions of you.

When you are self-partnered and have fully accepted all of your emotions as divine and meant to be –‘You are showing me what I am in alignment with and what I need to heal within me’ – then you will become incredible self-accepting, self-loving and self-generative.

You will start to become and experience the glory of what it is to be an actualised human being – living life to your fullest potential; consciously aligning and integrating your subconscious with your conscious heart desires and superconscious Creator Self.

This is what Going Quantum is all about – going inwards and feeling. It is not just the new Neuro and Quantum Model of True Healing, it is also the model of your True Life.

If you deeply get this, let me know by writing below – ‘I am going to Go Quantum NOW!’

Self-partnering is the FIRST essential step to do this – and is exactly what my Thriver Processes teaches. Coming home powerfully, safely and lovingly to yourself.

I ask you to join me in my free healing workshop: The 3 Keys To Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse.

You can do this by clicking the link.

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As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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How Do You Know If You

How Do You Know If You’re Ready For a New Relationship After Divorce?

How Do You Know If You're Ready For a New Relationship

 

You’ve been out of the dating scene for a long time. You’ve also just gone through the stress of divorce. You want to date and possibly build a new relationship with a member of the opposite sex.

Knowing when to date after divorce means you must know yourself and your relationship patterns. It also means being ready mentally, emotionally and physically.

Are you ready?

How do you know you are ready for a new relationship, though?

Attitude is Everything When Dating After Divorce

There are people who allow the end of their marriage to destroy them. They hold onto painful feelings, resentment, and fear of spending the rest of their lives stuck in the past. Others refuse to give in to the negative feelings by working through the process in a pro-active way.

These people find that divorce is not only an ending but also a new beginning. They don’t live life based on what was done to them in the past but, on what is possible for them in the future. They are the ones who thrive and survive and find fulfilling new relationships after divorce. So, before you consider a new relationship put on a positive attitude about what you’ve been through!

Personal Growth Precedes New Relationships After Divorce

There is no greater motivator than emotional pain when it comes to taking stock and gaining needed insights into one’s own quirks and negative behaviors.

People who are able to move on to rich, rewarding lives and healthy relationships after divorce don’t allow anger and resentment to keep them from finding a better way of living.

It takes determination and a willingness to heal old wounds before you are ready for a new relationship. Owning the role you played in the demise of your marriage, working to make needed adjustments in the way you interact in a relationship gives you a better chance at succeeding in your next relationship.

There Are Lessons to Be Learned Before Dating After Divorce

No one is blameless when it comes to divorce. Take responsibility for your mistakes. If you don’t you will carry the same mixed up perceptions and “baggage” into the next relationship.

Examine your expectations of what a relationship should be and work at identifying any skewed beliefs you have. Work on correcting negative issues you have and then get on with your life. Just remember, the pain is there for a reason. Don’t let the lesson you need to learn to get away from you.

Forgiveness is for You Not the One You Forgive

Any anger and resentment you have toward your ex will linger until you are able to forgive them. I know that is easier said than done but, forgiveness is given so that you can empty your heart of any negative emotions. Negative emotions that will affect you emotionally, spiritually, mentally and physically if you hold on to them.

Until you can let go of old resentments, you have nothing to offer in a new relationship. So, drop the “baggage” and get on with your life. Lighten your load by forgiving what was done to you. You don’t have to forget it, that would be letting your guard down and opening yourself to bad treatment in future relationships.

Forgiving is about ridding yourself of negative feelings that hold you back from being able to engage in a new relationship with a clean slate.

Your Marriage is Dead Not You

Divorce marks the end of a marriage. Mourn the loss and then lay it to rest. You are still very much alive. Your heart still beats and your soul still yearns for an attachment to another.

Your marriage may be dead but you are alive and kicking. Nurture your heart and soul by treating the ending of your marriage as a new beginning. An opportunity to grow, hold yourself responsible and practice the art of forgiveness. If you can do these things you will find that love the next time around will be better than you thought possible.

The post How Do You Know If You’re Ready For a New Relationship After Divorce? appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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