Is The Narcissist All-Powerful?

Is The Narcissist All-Powerful?

I’m sure you, like me, have been in situations where it has felt like the narcissist holds all the cards, and has all the power. It can feel like whatever you do, you are unable to get through to them, and have no choice but to knuckle under and accept whatever horrific, degrading or traumatizing things they are doing to you.

Most frightening of all, if you try to fight back and stick up for your rights, then things only get worse for you. They escalate their campaign against you, and come at you harder, longer and more persistently.

In today’s Thriver TV episode I explain how powerless narcissists really are. How, like vampires, they can only operate in the dark – and how they shrivel to nothing when we remove their ‘blood’ supply, close the door against them, and expose them to our Light.

This is the video for you if you want to take back your power and feel safe and healthy again – and be sure to stay to the end to hear how to access my upcoming powerful group healing!

 

 

Video Transcript

Hey, beautiful Thrivers!

Today I want to discuss are narcissists really all powerful? Are they like a terminator? Somebody that we are powerless against? Or is there another truth about what they’re doing, how they’re doing it, and what we can actually do to combat it?

Before we get into this conversation, if you’re new to my YouTube channel, please like and subscribe and also share my information with others who want to heal for real from narcissistic abuse.

 

What Is Real Power?

We know that narcissists appear very powerful. Not only that, they actually appear quite psychotic because they’re not rational and they don’t listen, so the normal things that put boundaries on people’s behaviour –  common sense, authorities, other people’s input and explanations – do not apply to them.

So whenever they go off on whatever power trip they’re on, it’s impossible for you to try to use any of that to break through to them and get them to recognise reality and truth – let alone get them to play ball or play nice.

Narcissists are on another tangent and wavelength, where they are the victim, you are wrong, and so they are entitled to destroy you and take what they believe are their just deserves and rights – which is usually pretty much everything you have.

So what do you do to take your power back from a narcissist and combat this powerful, crazy, insane persona that they’re putting across?

I want to give you this concept: the greatest power is no power at all.

That may sound really, really strange, but I want to explain it deeply to you.

 

The Illusion of Narcissistic Power

Narcissists actually have no true power. A narcissist is operating from an empty inner void and they have lots of broken belief systems, which are all to do with separation and “Me versus you. I’m unlovable. I’m unworthy.”

They have a very poor self-image, a lot of inner trauma and a lot of anxiety. Therefore they have this malfunctioning persona, which is all about, “I have to win, you have to lose. I’m superior, you’re inferior. If I don’t get you first, you’re going to get me.”

They’re intensely paranoid, intensely triggered and intensely combative if you ever try to hold them to account or ask them to consider other people.

But they’re not coming from any real solid inner power.

What they’re actually working from is ego. Now, there’s an acronym that I like to use for ego and the late Wayne Dyer used it beautifully, which is Edging God Out. I know a lot of you in this community don’t like the God word, but you can change it to Source or Creation or whatever you want.

Because I’m not talking about an external God, I’m actually talking about All That Is. I’m talking about the quantum connection of our inner universe to our outer universe, which is the activation of our own higher self – our own super conscious / Divine Mind.

This is what a lot of people are now calling the fifth dimensional (5D) Self. It is a unity consciousness at one with Source and the Universe, which means everything that we have in our holographic field, in our experience. That’s what I call God.

Edging God Out, means that narcissists have chopped themselves off from that, because the only way to God is through our inner being, that connection.

A narcissist does not want to go into their inner being because they’ve literally murdered it. They’ve lsaid, “I don’t want to know anything about my inner being. I’m just going to go to my logical ego construct, which has to continually be fed with ‘stuff’, claims, notoriety, and all the feedback that tells me how significant and incredible I am”.

As the expression goes, this is like taping sandwiches onto your body and believing you’ve had lunch. So the narcissist is always needing more and more and more and more and more.  That’s the ego and the ego construct.

Whenever a narcissist is in an ego construct, there’s always fear and pain, and when a person is in fear and pain, they are not powerful.  They’re traumatized.

For a narcissist, that fear and pain is very much about  “my whole beingness is directed by what is or isn’t going on outside of me”. So *if I get sex tonight, it means that I’m sexy. If I get money today, it means that I’m significant. If I get attention today, it means that I exist”. It’s all a false construct – that’s why we call it a false self.

That is not power. It’s actually powerless. It means that there has to be energy from the outside to grant the narcissist their kick of power –  which is always temporary, never lasts and always keeps collapsing.

 


 

 

How The Narcissist Maintains Power Over You

The narcissist  in your life needs your participation to have power over you. They need you to be vibrating down at that lower level of fear, pain and emptiness for you to be hooked in to this toxic game.

It’s very much like in the vampire metaphor, which is all about narcissism. Firstly, vampires were an empty self. They were a no life, anti-life, and they had to drink human blood to get life force, otherwise they couldn’t exist. Similarly the narcissist needs your louche, needs your energy, needs your attention and needs you to hand them your emotional reaction. The more emotional reaction, the better.

Of course, when we are traumatised and terrorised by a narcissist, they feed off that. That’s their food. When you are in so much emotional pain, that’s the metaphorical blood that the narcissist needs, and so they love to see you ‘bleed’!

The narcissist loves you saying how hurt you are, how heartbroken, how disgusted, how incensed, how betrayed you feel. This is all triple A-grade louche supply. That’s the blood that feeds the narcissist to have the power to attack you. It’s very important to understand this.

Secondly, within the vampire myth (which really is more of a narcissist documentary) the vampire would knock on somebody’s door and they would use their hypnotizing eyes. A narcissist is full of promises, lies and future faking at the start, because – just as the vampire could only take you down if you open the door – for a narcissist to operate in your life, you have to let them in.

If a narcissist is already in your life, sucking your life force and getting your metaphoric blood, there are two things that you need to do. Stop handing them your blood and stop participating.

You have to metaphorically close the door and say, “No more. I’m not playing. I’m not responding. I’m not involved. I’m not going to do anything. I’m not going to give you any reaction. I’m not going to give you anything anymore.”

This immediately chops off the emotional energy supply, takes away the bullets the narcissist uses to shoot you with, and chops off your participation. This is why No Contact or Modified Contact is so important.

This returns us to how true power is no power.

 

Taking Back Your Power

Narcissists, in their darkness and their empty selves, will trigger and feed off us, emptying us out and smashing us to bits. This becomes the darkest battlefield that you’ve ever been on in your entire life. At that level of darkness, you are pushed like no tomorrow to find your light – to find your true power, which is no power. This is profound, but it’s so true.

So what does that mean? The normal human, third dimensional way is to try to fight back from a place of wounding, triggering and traumas. If you try to fight at lthat level, all you’re doing is powering up the beast to take you down. That’s not true power. That’s what we think power is. That’s why I’m saying to you that true power is no power.

What is no power?  No power means no ego, no Edging God Out.  It means coming home to our true power, which is no Earthly power. It is understanding the Quantum Law of so within, so without. This is how I live, and how the effective people in this community live – not only in regard to not just defeating and being impervious to narcissists, but our whole lives.

To do this we literally remove our triggers and our traumas, by turning inwards with Quanta Freedom Healing.  As a community, we are so blessed to have this powerful inner subconscious healing tool that can get us out of the separation of the mind / ego and down into the body, into the GPS, which I like to call the God Protection System. You can call it the God Source System, the God Creation System, it doesn’t matter. It is our connection to true power, which is not earthly power; it’s actually divine mind power.

This is done by loading up what hurts, which is our traumas and our triggers.

When we use Quanta Freedom Healing, we don’t need to go back into our childhood to work out, “Was I two or was I five when that happened?” Or, “Why have I got this programming?” It’s all about feeling what hurts in our bodies.

Then we load it up, release it out and replace it with the divine mind. This all takes place within a healing visualization,  which you’re talked through. All you have to do is switch it on, sit down and follow the process because you’re coded to know how to heal when you do that. We all are. Then you bring in the light – into the space created when you let go of the trauma.

What  you’re bringing in is the Divine Mind, which is your connection to Source, Creation, the Higher Mind, and unity consciousness. You already are that part of yourself. You already have that available to you. We all do. It’s just we’ve been disconnected from knowing about it because of our trauma and how this has played out in the world, with the small, traumatized self and mind.

By letting go of our traumatized attempted power and detaching from the narcissist with no participation, we can say, “I can’t change and fix you. In fact, the more I try, the worse it gets for me. I’m going to detach and take away all of your food. I’m going to turn inwards and get rid of my inner trauma so I can stop obsessing and don’t keep getting sucked back in.  I’m going to bring in the Divine Mind, which will actually reset me into the light of who I really am – to the true power, which is no power, because it’s divine power.”

 

Being In Divine Power

How does divine power work? In the most incredible ways! Because what happens with the connection to divine power is you have inspiration. You have peace and calm and wholeness within. You have access to synchronicity. The unity that you’ve created between you and your highest self starts coming to you in the field through healthy people, solutions, support – things that blow your mind – because you are plugged in and connected in to health, wellbeing, flow and divinity.

On that plane of existence, narcissists don’t operate because they’re actually vibrating a lot lower. So this seemingly powerful narcissist can no longer touch you. Anything they try to do to you doesn’t work because it’s as if there is a glass wall between you and them. You’re upper level and they’re trying to reach you, but their attempts just bounce back.

Even if you’re going through the horrible things that happen when you are dealing with court cases and custody, all you have to do is keep bringing in the divine mind. Let go of what hurts. Don’t feed the bear, the beast, and just keep walking forward in the Light of anti fear, integrity, confidence, power and truth. Then you will see how powerless the narcissist is.

 

In Conclusion

So I hope that this has really hit the spot – because it WORKS! In Quantum Law, it cannot NOT work, because quantum law is as absolute as gravity. So within, so without. When you shift to that on the inside, then your environment – your hologram outside of you – has to match your inner being. Therefore a narcissist can no longer operate in your outer universe. That’s the absolute truth, and it’s my Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP) that will get you there.

And coming up really, really soon is my Manifesting Financial Prosperity event!

This workshop is for you if, as is so common, you’ve been smashed by a narcissist financially.  You may feel like you can’t rebuild, you don’t have the energy, you don’t have the confidence.

Or maybe, like many in this community, you are a beautiful healer, teacher or trainer – but you just haven’t been able to monetize the work that sparks your heart and soul?

Whatever your situation, let me help you shift those blocks that you are having with money, prosperity and flow.

I’ve made it really inexpensive for you to come into this 4-hour workshop, joining thousands of people from all over the world who are already coming in. We are going to do a hugely powerful group healing to shift the blocks and bring in exactly what I’ve been talking about today – that Divine Mind that takes over your being and your life experience.

I hope this has really helped, because it’s a very important topic. I’d love you to tell me how this feels for you in the comments. Then until the next one, keep smiling, keep healing, and keep thriving because there is nothing else to do!

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Divorcing a Narcissist: Keep Your Expectations Low!

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As long as you are in any type of relationship with a narcissist, you can bet the only person who will benefit from that relationship is the narcissist.

 

I’ve been accused, in the past, of being “disloyal” to my ex-husband when I write about my experiences with him either during the marriage or since the divorce. What some fail to realize is that when you experience divorcing a narcissist, feelings of support and allegiance toward that person are hard to come by, if not impossible.

Any loyalty I owed my ex flew out the window the day he walked away from his family. I have no sense of loyalty toward a person who left me in a truly untenable position with two children to care for and no concern for how his conduct impacted his children or me, their mother. Plus, why would anyone who takes a scorched-earth attitude toward those who loved him think he has the right to claim the protection of confidentiality?

I have to admit, though that it took time for me to realize that I owed my ex-husband NOTHING and that I had more power in our situation than he did.

I spent a couple of years capitulating, attempting to negotiate and fix the problems between us, believing that if I gave respect, I would eventually receive respect. I did what a lot of women who are dealing with the aftermath of divorcing a narcissist. I rolled over and over and over, playing nice doggy, hoping that one day he would rub my belly, begin to co-parent civilly, and we could put all the conflict behind us. You know, for the sake of our children.

What Does Rolling Over Get You?

You get nothing from all the effort you put into being civil with the narcissist. As long as you are in any type of relationship with a narcissist, you can bet the only person who will benefit from that relationship is the narcissist.

A narcissist has an inflated sense of his own importance. In his mind, you are supposed to roll over and often. You rolling over or giving in only cements his belief that he is all important and his needs must be catered to. And his belief that you are to cater to him only gets you more of the same emotional abuse you suffered in the marriage.

You roll over expecting a positive return on your emotional investment in your post-divorce relationship with the narcissist. A sensible expectation to have! He has his own expectations…you do as he feels you should do. Take it from me; his expectations will be met before yours if you continue to roll over.

Things You Should Not Expect When Divorcing a Narcissist:

1. Civil discourse.

He doesn’t have it in him, let go of expecting him to converse with you as if you are an equal. To feel good about himself, he has to treat you as if you are beneath him. Don’t buy into it!

Behind his mask of superiority lies a fragile self-esteem, vulnerable to the slightest criticism. He knows it, you know it but humbling himself and admitting it would be tantamount to emotional destruction for him. Take it from me; he will attempt to destroy you emotionally to keep from having to face his own emotional frailties.

He can’t feel good about himself unless he actively tries to make you feel bad about yourself. Every email you receive, every conversation you have will be him focusing on putting you down. Your best defense against his degradation is a “whatever” attitude. If he is nasty in an email, don’t respond. If he is disrespectful face to face, shrug your shoulders and walk away.

2. Healthy Co-Parenting.

This isn’t going to happen. The narcissist can’t separate his relationship with his children from his relationship with you. In his mind, you and the children are one package. And he has no qualms about using his children to further destroy you emotionally and financially.

The narcissist views his children as objects to be used to further his own agenda. This makes it impossible for him to engage in healthy co-parenting. He is a fine father if those objects (his children) fit into his agenda or reflect positively upon him. When those objects no longer fit into his agenda…when he moves onto another relationship, remarries, and needs to focus on his step-children or suffers the wrath of his own children after mistreatment, WATCH OUT. This is when your children will begin to feel the full force of his narcissistic abuse.

This is also when you have to put your guard up. It will be your place to guard your children’s hearts against the damage a narcissistic father can do. You are the healthy parent, the parent who will teach them what unconditional love is. The parent who will teach them their value by role modeling how to respond to those who do them emotional harm. The parent who will keep them from becoming adults with fragile self-esteem and emotional vulnerabilities. You are your children’s only defense against the narcissist. On Guard!

3. Concern for Your Well-Being.

Once you stop feeding the narcissist’s ego, your needs and the needs of his children become inconsequential to him. I’ve been divorced from my ex-husband for 14 years. Our sons were 7 and 14 when we divorced. Their father has not once shown concern for whether or not they have what they need since we divorced. No phone calls or emails asking, “Can I do anything for you, son,” or, “I’m here for you if you need me, son.”

I had custody of our children, due to this, in his mind, they were an extension of me, the woman he wanted to be destroyed. They became collateral damage in the war he waged against me.

Our youngest is now 21 and experiencing health problems. The other day I called my ex and left him a message…”Alan needs you, can you call?” I got no response. I expected no response, but the opportunity came up for him to do something for his child and the choice of whether to take that opportunity was his to make. He did as I expected, but by reaching out, I took away any ability he had to blame his children or me for the distance between him and his children.

My ex-husband’s refusal to respond when his child was in need is an example of the total lack of empathy that is characteristic in narcissistic personality disorder. I’m sure that if you asked, my ex-husband would tell you he has, over the years, attempted to have a relationship with his children.

My children would tell you that the total of ten years of no contact from him does not feel like an attempt by him to have a relationship with them. The narcissist doesn’t care about how someone else perceives a situation. Their perception of the situation is the only perception that is valid. They don’t care about the thoughts and feelings of others and are unable to listen to, validate, understand or support others.

My ex-husband and all narcissists are not capable of stepping outside themselves and seeing a situation from the other person’s perspective. The world revolves around them and their feelings, and due to that, others aren’t allowed to feel, unless of course, they are expressing concern for the narcissist’s feelings.

The narcissist, my ex-husband, for example, can’t view ten years of no contact with a child as abandonment or abuse because those ten years are not about his children, they are about him. And I’m certain that a narcissist would find it highly offensive that a child would not express concern for the narcissist rather than expect a show of concern from the narcissist.

Outfoxing the Narcissist:

You will never be as cunning as the narcissist. You can’t outfox him. You may be crafty, clever, and shrewd, but you also have the ability to empathize with others, and it is that pesky aspect of your personality that will keep you from ever being able to outsmart the narcissist if you engage in conflict with him.

The only way to get one over on the narcissist during divorce is to disengage, distance yourself, and don’t feed the tiger. As I said before, have no expectations of the narcissist. But the big one, the one I struggled with myself, was the need to do something, to find a solution, to fix the problems between him and me for the sake of our children.

Few things are as emotionally painful or produce as much fear and anxiety as being in a high-conflict relationship with a narcissist. It is the emotional pain, fear, and anxiety that spurs you into action, attempting to fix the situation. After all, how are you ever going to have peace of mind and heart again if the situation isn’t fixed?

No matter how much you try to fix him, outsmart him, or stay one step ahead of him, the narcissist will always trump, one-up, escalate and create more damage in response. To stop the continued emotional damage to yourself and your children, you have to exit the stage, step out of the ring and take back your power by letting go of your need to fix the problem.

When you do that, you show the narcissist who is in control of YOUR life. You show the narcissist that no one has power over how you live your life, and the narcissist is completely out of his league when faced with true power…especially YOUR power over his ability to cause you pain, fear, and anxiety.

FAQs About Divorcing A Narcissist:

Should I give in to a narcissist to save my marriage?

You will only end up reinforcing his beliefs that he is superior to you and his needs come first if you give in to a narcissist in an attempt to save your marriage. A narcissist will never stop emotionally abusing you no matter how submissive you become.

Can I have a decent conversation with a narcissist?

You can never have a decent conversation with a narcissist because he doesn’t treat you as an equal partner. He will keep on debasing you and make you feel insufficient so he can manipulate you to satisfy his narcissistic needs.

Do narcissists believe they are superior to those around them?

The very existence of a narcissist rests upon his need to feel superior to others. He cannot take slightest of criticism because it hurts his fragile self-esteem—masked under his false sense of superiority. He will gaslight you, manipulate you emotionally just to keep himself from facing his own emotional frailties.

How to deal with a narcissist when he is disrespectful?

Walk away without falling for an argument when a narcissist shows disrespect. Narcissists show disrespect deliberately to draw you in an argument you can’t win. They feed on your frustration and will not leave any stone unturned to make you feel miserable. Don’t respond to his nasty remarks either in writing or face to face.

Do narcissistic men use their children against their spouses? 

Narcissists are known to use children as pawns against their spouses. They consider you and your children as one package and will not spare any opportunity to draw them in a conflict to harm you emotionally or financially. 

Are narcissists healthy co-parents? 

Narcissists can never become healthy co-parents because of their need to feel superior and manipulate everyone around them. A narcissist is a father as long as he can use children to his own advantage—either to feel good or make you feel bad.

Should I take steps to protect my children from their narcissistic father?

You have to protect your children from their narcissistic father, who will eventually damage their emotional health. You need to understand the challenge and teach your children the virtues of unconditional love, besides protecting them against developing a fragile self-esteem and emotional vulnerabilities.

When does a narcissist stop taking care of his family?

As soon as you stop feeding his narcissistic ego, a narcissist will stop caring for his family. A family is more like a business relationship for a narcissist, which ends when you put an end to manipulation. 

Do narcissists ever see a situation from others perspective?

Narcissists are not brought up to see the situation from others perspective. A narcissist will cease to exist if he cares for others because his only purpose in life is to manipulate those around him.

How do I outsmart a narcissist?

Don’t try to outsmart a narcissist because you did not grow up perfecting the art of manipulation. You are brought up as a normal human being and carry emotions like empathy and love. These aspects of your personality will put you at a disadvantage if you try to outsmart a narcissist.

How to deal with a narcissistic husband during divorce?

Keep your emotional health in check and remain consistent in maintaining a policy of disengagement and distance with your narcissistic husband during divorce. 

The post Divorcing a Narcissist: Keep Your Expectations Low! appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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CoParenting: It Doesn’t Have To Be Difficult!

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Co-parenting is a modern term in the divorce world. When my parents walked out of the divorce court, they never communicated with each other ever again, and certainly not about me. Co-parenting implies cooperation and dialogue. The former spouses are no longer marriage partners but are so in raising their children.

Society today may be more complex with so many choices, or parents like mine did not consider the need to discuss children with each other post-divorce. Custody is usually joint, which means both parents have the right to decide what schools and activities their children will attend.

Cooperative Parenting Tips For Success:

There are ways to make co-parenting easier for the parents and more effective for the kids. Consider having a regularly scheduled meeting, perhaps monthly, to discuss issues or activities of the kids. Have an agenda, just as you would for a conference at work.

If one parent veers off course into blame or other toxic areas, calmly steer them back to the discussed topic, “We were talking about Jane’s wish to change schools….”  Keep emotion out of the discussion and treat the other parent as you would an excitable co-worker. These meetings do not have to be in person if it is difficult to be in their presence. Using Skype or the phone is fine, even if they only live a few streets away.

Co-parenting is easier when both are on the same page and do not feel left out of anything. There are various online calendars and apps which let each parent view and add activities or events in the youngsters’ lives. It is easy to put dance recitals, sports tournaments, and school concerts into a schedule. This way one parent cannot blame the other one for not notifying them of something. Remember to keep grandparents up-to-date on the kids’ events so they can attend.

Some parents have a notebook that goes back and forth between homes, which is particularly helpful with young children. This is good when a child has asthma or a food allergy so both know when an inhaler or Epi-pen was administered. This also is useful for medical conditions like seizures.  If there are incidents at school or other information that needs to be relayed, the notebook is another method of communication.

An important part of co-parenting is setting up consistent rules, routines, and consequences in both homes.  Kids require constancy in their topsy-turvy world. Going to bed and eating meals at vastly different times is like having chronic jet lag. They feel more secure with a routine, which is better for their well-being. This also avoids pitting one parent against the other one. No, “Dad lets me go to bed at 11, or Mom lets me watch TV all day.” Kids realize that their parents are on the same team and are less likely to try and get away with things when rules are consistent.

Work together when dividing up holidays. Some parents have the kids for part of the day, and others trade holidays on alternate years. There may be new step-siblings to work a holiday schedule around who also have to share them with another parent. Some co-parents have a get-together with new partners and grandparents and do okay in each other’s company. See what works out best in your situation.

The don’ts of co-parenting can mostly be avoided when thinking of what is in the children’s best interest. Yes, it is hard to put one’s ego aside or not to take part in a revenge fantasy. Getting back at an ex through the children is not healthy and can backfire. One father took his sons to a show during the divorce that he knew his wife would get angry about. The boys were upset seeing an adult-themed play with scantily clad women, and they told the interim psychologist, who put a stop to this behavior. Later they discussed this and more with the Custody Evaluator. The mother ended up with physical custody, and the father was not granted any overnights with visitation.

If co-parenting is difficult, consider having a third party handle all communication between you. One woman had her friend edit out any mean comments from her ex-husband’s e-mails and then send to her. Others have used a mediator or another professional to care for all messages and communication between co-parents. There is even an online company that does this too. Co-parenting is a learning process and generally gets easier as time goes by.

The post CoParenting: It Doesn’t Have To Be Difficult! appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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The Spiritual War of Narcissistic Abuse

8 Ways Narcissists Make You Lose Yourself And Bond To Them

You have probably heard of the term ‘trauma bonding’ before, and even if you haven’t, I’m sure that like me, you will have experienced the symptoms of trauma bonding within a narcissistic relationship.

Trauma bonding holds us attached to an abuser even when our brain is logically screaming at us to leave and stay away. It holds us prisoner and we feel incapable and terrified of breaking free – trying to escape brings up emotional pain and horrific physical symptoms.

How do narcissists manage to change really tough, capable, amazing people into frightened dependents, with no self-esteem, self-respect, self-truth and self-value?

How do they convince you that you are the problem, and that you are incapable of coping on your own – in spite of all your previous experience to the contrary? Most importantly, how is it that you end up feeling like you cannot live without them, so that the prospect of it hits you like a sucker-punch and leaves you feeling broken and unable to function?

In this Thriver TV episode, I want to look at the 8 ways a narcissist will use to bond you to them. And best of all, I will show you the antidotes against those tactics, so that you can break free of those damaging trauma bonds, reclaim the driver’s seat of your life, and move forwards into the life you dream of and deserve.

 

 

Video Transcript

In today’s episode I want to talk to you about the eight ways that a narcissist can trauma bond you to them, and the antidotes to these: the real, wise, inner truth that can help you pull up and out of those trauma bonds.

If you are new to my YouTube channel, I would love you to ‘like’ this video, subscribe, and hit the notification bell. Then please share, share, share! Let’s get this information out there so that we can create a revolution of healing for real from this – for ourselves, our children, and our planet.

So let’s get into the first way that a narcissist can trauma bond you, and this is how it initially happens.

 

Number 1 – Love Bombing

You might have heard of the expression ‘love bomb’, but what does it really mean? Love bombing is the way that a narcissist can position themselves to give you that emotional feeling of “I’m seen, I’m heard, I’m safe, this is what I’ve been waiting for”.

I’m going to give you a really simple example. Let’s say you meet a narcissist via dating. You’re on a date, and the narcissist may say to you, “Why are you single? What happened?” And you could say something like, “Well, my previous relationship, he ran off with another woman,” or whatever it is. The narcissist, if they’re interested in you, will lean forward and intently say to you, “I can’t believe how people could do that, I’ve always been monogamous.” They’ll say other beguiling things – very intently looking you straight in the eyes – that seem so believable that you think you’ve hit pay dirt. You think, “oh my gosh, this is what I’ve been waiting for my whole life.”

And a narcissist can do this in any walk of life.

They could be the neighbour who saw you upset and asked “what’s wrong?” or, “what has hurt you in the past?” They pretend to be so attentive, invite you over, and lend you this and lend you that.

They could be the friend who very quickly works out that you’ve had friendships in the past where you’ve felt not included and unimportant, and like you’re the one doing all the work.  The narcissist will then start delivering in spades all the things that you’ve been missing in a friendship.

They could appear in your work environment telling you they are the boss that you’ve always wanted.  Or if you are a business owner who is recruiting, the will come and appear to be beyond the perfect fit for that job description.

Now, here’s the thing about this: for the narcissist this is never about delivering what you want.

Instead, it is all about connecting to you, and getting you to trust them and open your doors to them so that they can enmesh and trauma bond with you. This then means that no matter what they do or how badly they treat you,  you’re going to stay bonded while they are siphoning out and taking your soul, your life force, your resources, your money – whatever they feel entitled to (which is pretty much everything).  And they do this by getting you to trust them and let them in very, very quickly.

So what we have to understand about love bombing is that it only works if we allow ourselves to be rushed.

As an adult in your own body – living in a quantum reality of plenty and self-generation (by doing the healing work that we do in this community to thrive) – what will happen is that you will take your time with people.  You absolutely have the mindset of plenty: “I’m going to check you out, I’m going to take my time before I commit to you at any level, and if you’re not the real deal I’ll say goodbye, because there is better from where you’re coming from”.

There’s an old saying that I love, that hungry people make the worst shoppers. If you go to a supermarket and you’re really hungry you’ll just chuck junk in the trolley. After doing the inner work to get solid and much more whole, it is like going to the supermarket when you already feel satiated and full.  You will make some really healthy choices for your trolley.

I want you to really think about that, it’s so important. Because narcissists aren’t going to change, but we can. That’s where our power is.

 

Number 2 – Future Faking

A narcissist will make out that they have exactly the same interests and the same visions for the future as you do.

“Yes, I want to start a family”; “yes I want this; yes, I want that”; “yes, I see this is where we’re going to take the business” – whatever it is that you want is what they will say they want too. So you think, “oh my gosh, I’ve met a soulmate!  Somebody who’s on the same track, who loves the same things,  who has the same vision for the future.”

The narcissist in reality is an empty void, with no self. They don’t have an inner being and they are a false self which depends on other people’s energy and resources to try to be a self. It’s like a vampire needs to drink human blood to be alive – the narcissist is the same.

The narcissist isn’t interested in the future, and in fact unconsciously most narcissists know there’s not going to be a future to your relationship. It’s all going to go belly up and they’re going to have to recreate everything anyway. So the narcissist is in it for the feed of your money, your resources, your stuff, your life force, your sex, your body – whatever it is that they can siphon and suck out of you.

They’re not worried about the future.  They don’t want happily ever after –  the sheep dog, the picket fence and the 2.3 kids – that’s not what they’re after at all. Those things can happen, but they’re not after that. They’re after your life force, your soul and your stuff, so they’ll tell you whatever you want to hear and pretend that they’re that person who wants that future.

Just like with love bombing, this creates a trauma bond. We get hooked on “I need this person for that dream, for myself, for my life force, for my future”. So it’s very similar to love bombing in that when we heal up in a quantum way and get solid on the inside, then we know where we going. We know our values and our truths; and our unfolding and expansion is our own. As an individual fractal of source and our higher self, our expression and our truth is not dependent on what a certain person is or isn’t doing. Your fellow journeyers – the genuine people in your life who are aligned in the same way – will come with you.

For example, my lovely partner Glen and I have had some very serious conversations in our relationship.  I said to him, “You don’t need to want what I want, but the truth is, this is where I’m going and this is what I’m doing, and if this is what you want, come with me, and if it’s not, I’ll have to do it without you, because this is the truth of my life.”

Whereas in the past, with narcissistic and even non-narcissistic people, I would sell out my truth, my values and my soul to either try to convince them when they became the opposite, or to lower myself and hand over my soul and my truth to keep them happy when I wasn’t living true to me anyway.

Glenn is a soulmate; he’s a beautiful soul who is on this journey with me. But if he wasn’t I would let go and know there’s better from where that came from. That’s the Thriver up-level healing that we need so that we do not get trauma bonded into somebody who is future faking us – because a narcissist doesn’t want what you want, and they never will. In fact, they will never give you what you want because they don’t want unity consciousness or win / win, they want superiority / inferiority.  They’ll pretend it at the start, but then they’ll withhold and punish you by giving you what you don’t want and not letting you have what you want. All narcissists do this.

 

Number 3 – Creating Dependency

Narcissists create dependency. They do it with gaslighting, they do it with diminishment and they do it with devaluing you. This dependency is done using Problem; Agitation; Solution – it’s part of their superiority trick.

A narcissist will tell you you’re a problem because you’re not good enough, you don’t have the information, you don’t have any idea, you don’t have the capacity, you don’t have the strength, you’re not lovable, you don’t have integrity, or you’re not good. Devalue, devalue, devalue.

The agitation is created by constantly ‘poking the stick’ at you.  A covert narcissist will do this in a passive aggressive way whereas an overt narcissist will just do it directly and brutally. But it doesn’t matter, it’s the same thing. You’re losing your sense of your own confidence and self-esteem, and your own identity is absolutely compromised.

What then happens is that the narcissist says, “Well I’m the solution and I’m the answer. I know what I’m doing and I’ve got the capacity. You’re nothing without me. Without me, you wouldn’t cope, and if you don’t acquiesce to what I tell you to do and to the control I have over you, you’ll be nothing. You won’t survive. You can’t live.” They all do it.

If we try to acquiesce our way out of tyranny, we are handing over our authority to them and granting them authority over us. It’s part of the narcissistic, “I am the king / queen / god of the universe. You are nothing, and what I say goes.” There’s no unity consciousness or teamwork there. It’s all about them.

Our way out of this is to become self defined. It is to do the inner work on ourselves so that we can stand in self-respect, self-truth and self-value so that we can lay boundaries with people. This allows us to see who is going to respect our voice and our truth, and who wants to do teamwork, solution-building and win-win.

But we cannot do that until we come out of our fears of authority: our fears of, “If I don’t acquiesce, I’m going to be out in the cold. I’m going to have no options. I’m going to have no ability to create.” See, narcissists play on that. They know that’s how we think, and that’s how they hook you in through this trauma bond.

Once again, like with love bombing and future faking, this comes back to the healing and development of ourselves so that we can rise up and out of that trauma bond, and never fall into that trap again in the future. Even if you are significantly, horrifically going through this right now, your healing will enable you to stand, create boundaries, and let go of somebody who is absolutely controlling and siphoning you and diminishing you.

You cannot acquiesce your way out of tyranny. It doesn’t matter what you go along with, what you give in to, what you rise up for and how much performing seal you do to try to make this person happy, the pain is not going to stop until you say, “No! No more.” So that’s number three.

 

Number 4 – Flipping The Script

Originally the narcissist came into your life saying, “Here I am. I’m the person who will never cheat on you. I’m the person who’s going to give you all your business contacts. I’m the person who is the answer to your prayers after being ignored all your life. I’m the person who sees you like no other when you have been controlled and questioned all your life. I’m the person who trusts you and gives you space.” So of course, that’s who you thought you met.

It was actually the exact opposite. Because what narcissists do is they hook you in and then the mask will drop. And when the mask starts to drop, the narcissist will flip the script and start delivering your original wound in vivid Technicolor.

Let’s say for example that your thing was monogamy because you’ve been cheated on in your past, so they pretended they were totally monogamous. What’s going to start happening is the narcissist will start looking at other people and making comments to get you off balance and wondering, “Oh my, is he or she interested in that person at work? Are they having an affair? Are they…”

Then they’ll escalate it. They’ll keep pushing it to see exactly where your boundary is. Of course, eventually you will become triggered, causing you to confront them with, “well, what’s going on with this person at work?”

The narcissist will then turn it back on you and say, “Just because you’ve been cheated on in your past doesn’t mean you have to be paranoid. I’m totally monogamous and you’re the crazy one. You need therapy and you need help.”

It is the same with every vulnerability. Maybe you felt invisible and the narcissist came into your life giving you so much attention and presence. But then they begin going missing, so that you say to them, “Where are you? What are you doing and why don’t you care about me anymore?”. They’ll say, “You’re actually really insecure and oversensitive and you need to sort this out.”

Maybe you were sexually ignored in the past, and the narcissist drew you in with sex and then began ignoring you sexually once they had you hooked. It will be the same thing – it’s your fault. They flip the script and it’s always your fault.

This trauma bond hooks you in and is so difficult to get out of because you want them to go back to being the original person who was the answer to your prayers.

The truth is that you have to be the answer to your own prayers.

The narcissist was never the saviour of your wounds: they were the messenger of them. So the more you try to get them to be the saviour of your wounds, the more they’re going to be the messenger of them. They are going to show you the truth of quantum law: so within, so without. You had unhealed trauma that led you into the relationship because they pretended to save you from it. You made them your god unconsciously – we all did – but they’re your destroyer.

The only way out of this is to let go of them, come inside and heal your trauma. By doing this in a quantum way, you become a solid, whole and healed adult in your body, rather than still feeling unconsciously like a broken child trying to get a metaphoric parent do it differently this time. That’s the massive shift that will happen within you, which is life changing.

Again, it comes back to the inner work.

 


 

 

Number 5 – The Cycle Of Violence

The cycle of violence doesn’t have to be physical, but this happens in any abusive relationship.  Tension builds and builds until there’s an explosive event. Separation happens, either emotionally or literally. You get back together. You feel like things are resolved and maybe you even have a honeymoon period, where everything’s wonderful. Then tension builds again, and then the explosion goes off again, then you separate again, then you get back together again, tension builds…explosion…. And so on.

This is typical of toxic relationships, and of relationships with a narcissist. What happens with a narcissist – and you know this – is that when you do get back together and you feel like everything’s great, well, a narcissist cannot stand it. They cannot tolerate calm, harmony, teamwork, love and peace.  They need trauma. They need to trigger you, they need your louche, and they need your pain. It’s their currency, it’s their food.

They’re a dark soul – a no self that cannot exist in a plane of oneness and unity consciousness. It is disgusting to them because they cannot be superior without you being inferior. So the explosion is always going to happen.

Now, what happens after the explosion is either they take off and discard you, or you pull away to try to salvage yourself. Then you often get back together, because you miss them so much. You are so trauma bonded that maybe you get into cognitive dissonance: “Oh my God, it’s my fault, and I haven’t taken enough responsibility! This is what I can do, and I’m going to try again”. Or, “I’m going to go in there and try and get accountability and I’m going to…” So you go back.

Or perhaps you get strong enough to hold out. In that case, the narcissist will come back in to love bomb you, or trigger you, maybe by saying something horrible that they know will get to you. They will do whatever it takes to pull you back in again to get the control back.

Eventually you kind of thrash around and work it out so that you think it’s all resolved. You go forward, the explosion happens, and you find out it never was resolved. It was never a resolution – it was just a cycle of violence.

How do we escape this cycle of violence?

The way out is to recognise that you’re in cycles of violence that just get amplified, accelerated and worse each time.  This is what happens in toxic relationships; they spiral downwards faster and faster and faster, whatever you do.

The relationship you need to get right is not the relationship with the narcissist. You now need to get the relationship right with yourself, so that you will no longer participate in a cycle of violence.

As always, this comes back to your own inner healing.  With Quantum healing, which is what we do through my Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP), you will be able to maintain No Contact and heal yourself to become the person that you wish to be.

You will then find yourself participating in evolved relationships – which of course have their problems and their moments, but they evolve upwards into unity consciousness and solution together.

This is the complete opposite to the cycle of violence, and it is the relationship I live now with my beautiful partner, and that I was unable to have with others in the past. Without healing, I wouldn’t be able to generate it, stand for it and create it.

 

Number 6 – Saving The Sinking Ship

This one is so huge. Narcissists are a mess and they create messes everywhere. They’re loose cannons,  they’re not accountable and they don’t play team. They don’t give a crap about authority and doing the right thing. They’re actually criminal in the way they think and operate, and they’re completely selfish. ‘The ends justify the means’ as long as they’re getting the goodies, so narcissists create messes in life.

Whereas most of us who get involved with narcissists are really good, decent, honourable, respectful people who do the right thing and take more than our fair share of any load.

When you get into any kind of relationship with a narcissist, you will start to see the roof caving in, the bills piling up and the messes everywhere. You will realize that things are going to get absolutely trashed and smashed, and so you go into doubling and tripling down to try to save the sinking ship.

This allows the narcissist to continue being a crazy narcissist. You are trauma bonded and trying to fix everything, while they are keeping you off balance and taking everything they can get.

Narcissists are often setting up bank accounts on the side, or doing and creating things behind your back. You will only find out about these things after the fact – things you never, ever believed were possible.  This person is fleecing you while you are trying to keep the fires burning and the roof above your head.

The ship is sinking. The longer you stay on the ship, the more you’re going to lose. And the most horrific thing you are going to lose is your soul.

I promise you this: money, wealth, direction, expansion can all be recreated in incredible ways when you go quantum, so don’t even worry about that. But what is hard to recreate is the absolute shattering of your soul.

So I say this to you. Let go. Look after your soul and focus on becoming wholeness and solidness inside.

This is the Thriver work we do in our NARP community. The healing program enables people in the most horrific disasters to get whole, solid, and calm – and then reclaim what they have lost. Because once you are a source to your own self, that’s when you get massive results – so within, so without.

The people in our community who turn inwards with NARP and do that inner work also have the support of our incredible NARP global community to back them in finding their solutions. They are guided in their healing process and also in the practical aspects needed to move forward. In our community we regularly get people manifesting really big, powerful wins in custody, or in settlements with properties and businesses, because they walk that Thriver path.

Whereas people who stay traumatized trying to save the sinking ship usually end up losing everything. That’s just how it works and is Quantum law.

 

Number 7 – Peptide Addiction

Peptide addiction feeds into all of this.

Within any narcissistic relationship, you will be getting constant massive rushes of negative emotions.  Things like betrayal, heartbreak, devastation and feeling like you’re being annihilated.  You feel so unsafe. You don’t need me to tell you that you feel the most shocking, unthinkable, unbelievable emotions that you’ve ever felt in your life. They are like a sucker-punch to your solar plexus that leaves you feeling like you can’t get up off the ground again, it’s so bad – and this is what you are regularly experiencing.

Is it fair to say that these emotions have massively powerful charges? Absolutely.

Bruce Lipton, Joe Dispenza and the late Candace Pert (a specialist on peptides) discovered that when we have an event in our life, it registers in our consciousness before our brain picks it up. Our consciousness is who we are already. It’s everything from our past up to now, and is how we perceive and feel an event as an individual self.

For example, if you come from a family where you felt betrayed, lined up and as though people chose their ego over you, then betrayal from anyone will feel very personal to you. It will impact you very heavily, and give you a massive emotional feeling on it, which then sends electrical signatures to your brain.

Your brain receives those signals and sends a perception of that betrayal to your hypothalamus. Your hypothalamus then creates an amino acid chain peptide (a liquid cocktail, similar to a drug) of betrayal. This is distributed throughout your entire being – your whole cellular body structure – and your cells recognize and accept that peptide of betrayal. They recognize this peptide because they’ve had it before.

Every time your cells split, you get twice the amount of docking points to receive a particular peptide. This is how you get hooked on the peptides of the strong emotional rushes that you’re getting. You are geared to accept betrayal as your peptide, because the cells of your body are full of docking points that need the fulfillment of betrayal peptide. You are getting addicted to the betrayal peptide, therefore you will continually obsess about how this person betrayed you –  with no solution or ability to let it go.

This is how you become a drug addict to the peptide of betrayal, and the narcissist is the drug dealer who provides that betrayal. Hence why you can’t stop breaking No Contact, you can’t stop going back, and you can’t stop thinking about this person.

People can get really stuck in this peptide addiction – I’ve seen it last for 40 years. So it’s a game-changer when you realize what’s going on and that you’re not defective or losing your sanity – you have a physiological peptide addiction.

Quantum inner healing releases you from the peptide addiction. It actually gets that emotional signature out of your being, which stops the chemical being created by your hypothalamus, which stops the rush, which short-circuits that whole vicious cycle. It’s really powerful, it works, and it’s key for you in going forward,

This leads us to number eight…..

 

Number 8 – The Inability To Leave, Stay Away And Move Forward

The inability to leave, stay away and move forward is a massive trauma bond. A lot of people think it’s logical, and of course it can seem that way: “I can’t leave because of the kids”, or “I can’t leave because I’m going to lose the house”; “I can’t leave because, because, because…”. But really it’s because of everything I’ve just spoken about.

There are trauma bonds that go way beneath the level of logical consciousness. Whatever you read or are told, there is a much deeper, more powerful story going on inside your inner being – inside of you.

This really shocks most people who have been narcissistically abused because most of us are really tough, capable, amazing people, who’ve always been able to think and ‘do’ our way out of difficult situations. We’ve always been able cope, even when other people haven’t been as strong.

This time is different. We think we can’t. It’s shocking and stunning to us that we can’t just leave, get it through our head, stay away, and move forward.

It may be because we feel like, “I can’t live without this person. I’m too sick. I’m never going to be able to work. I can’t rebuild my life. I have no other options.” It might even be, “I feel really guilty and obligated that I’m meant to stay with this person and I can’t just leave them.”

But at the end of the day if we stay and don’t break free to heal and move on, there’s no happy endings to this story. Instead, it is a descent into that deep, dark hole of losing your soul, your life force, your health, your dreams, your missions and your ability to lead the way for your future generations. Our kids don’t do what we say, they do what we do.

Once again, we change this around by going within and doing the work there. If we don’t go within, we’re going to go without. As the saying goes, ‘nothing changes if nothing changes’.

We don’t have any power to change a narcissist – we don’t have any power to change anybody. You don’t have any power to exact change beyond your skin. The only person we can change is ourselves and that’s why my focus is on healing from the inside out. It’s quantum.

 

In Conclusion

If you want to discover more, you can find my free 16-Day Recovery program by using this link, so that you can start to get a deeper understanding of what I’m talking about, Or if you have been following me for some time and are now ready to fully commit to the inner healing process, you can find NARP here. And my dear NARPers, if you want the best of the best support over the coming year, you can sign up for my most personalised supportive program, Love, Health & Wealth Super-Thrive, by clicking here.

I really want to hand you your power back so you can get in the driver’s seat of your life rather than staying stuck in these terrible trauma bonds. They destroy your future and they can even literally destroy you.

I hope that this has helped, and I want to send out so much love to everybody who is in trauma bonds. Please share this video far and wide with anyone it can help, who needs to hear a deeper truth about this.

Until the next one, keep smiling, keep healing, and keep thriving because there is nothing else to do!

As always, I look forward to your comments below.

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Tips for Navigating Child Custody and Upcoming Holiday Plans

Tips for Navigating Child Custody and Upcoming Holiday Plans

Travel sites recommend that travelers book their holiday plans now. But before you book your flight, review your custody agreement.

Read More –>

Who Has Jurisdiction in Child Custody Matters?

With people on the move like never before, you and your family may have recently moved to or from Texas. On top of all the typical ways that families need to adjust after a big move, you all may have some concerns about how to address issues related to child custody for your family. Specifically, it is important to be aware of when a Texas court has jurisdiction over a case involving your child.

Jurisdiction is the right to hear and decide a case that is filed in a particular court. When we talk about jurisdiction, we are referencing both the ability and right to hear and decide cases based on the parties involved in the case as well as the subject matter. For families who have resided only in Texas then this is a simple question to answer. However, if you and your family have resided in multiple states then the question becomes more complicated. In situations like this, we would turn to the Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act to help figure out what state is the appropriate one for you to file a child custody case in.

Explaining the Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act

The Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act applies to families like yours regarding child custody cases that relate to more than a single state. The state of Texas has its own child custody laws just as every state in the country does. These laws help to determine how courts make decisions every day regarding child custody cases. Where this gets complicated is when you have a situation where your child has lived in multiple states or where you live in Texas and your co-parent lives in another state.

In situations like this, the Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act helps to cut through the uncertainty regarding jurisdiction. This series of laws will provide your family with guidelines on how to determine which court in which state has jurisdiction over the child custody matters related to your family. The Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act applies to situations where there is an issue involving custody of your child, either legal or physical in addition to visitation. These are the hallmark issues of a child custody case.

In terms of dividing up the Uniform Child Custody and Jurisdiction Enforcement Act, we need to be aware of two sections that relate primarily to the topic that we are discussing in today’s blog post. The first section relates to jurisdiction and which state will be able to make orders regarding your child custody case. The other section that is critical for our discussion today involves the enforcement of a previously issued child custody order. For families like yours, the ability to enforce a child custody order can be extremely important. Without the ability to enforce a child custody order the language contained in that order is not worth the paper that it is printed on.

If you have any questions about what state is the appropriate location to file, the child custody case related to your child then you should pause and consult with one of the experienced family law attorneys with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan. One of our attorneys can sit down with you for a free-of-charge consultation to look over the facts of your case and provide you with information about jurisdiction within the state of Texas. The Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act applies in all U.S. states besides Massachusetts. As a result, there is quite a bit that can be at stake for a family like yours regarding this series of laws.

When does the Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act apply to my family?

The Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act should be used in your circumstances to help you and your family decide whether Texas has jurisdiction over your case when you, your co-parent, or your child lives outside of Texas. The problem with filing a child custody case in Texas when this state does not have jurisdiction over your case is that time, money, and effort can be wasted since a court in this state may not be able to issue valid orders. Your Co-parent could appeal the decisions of a Texas court and have your orders invalidated.

Before deciding to file a child custody case in Texas you should seek out information from trustworthy family law attorneys in Texas. This is the critical stage of a case where you can begin to develop a strong base of knowledge that will guide you throughout your case. The more you can learn at the beginning of a case before the lawsuit is even filed the better off you and your family will be. Do not go into a family law case if the details will sort themselves out over time or if you and your family will be able to figure things out on the fly. This is a recipe for a major disaster.

Keep in mind that we all have limited resources from which we can choose to spend money on different items in our lives. Even if you believe that someone else will be able to assist you in paying for your child custody case it is unrealistic to think that you will have an unlimited amount of money to spend on your case. As a result, you need to be careful with how you spend money and should be very confident that you are moving forward with your child custody case in the right location. Choosing to file a child custody case in Texas or any other state before you are sure it is the right decision from a jurisdiction standpoint can set your case back a great deal and can waste resources that could be better spent elsewhere.

Are there jurisdiction issues that the Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act does not apply?

There are issues related to jurisdiction which it could impact your children that the Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act does not apply to. Legal custody, physical custody, and visitation issues are the only child custody topics that are covered by the Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act. Included in this are orders there are classified as final orders, temporary orders, or modification cases.

When we talk about legal custody, what we are discussing is conservatorship. Specifically, legal custody relates to which parent, you, or your co-parent, can make decisions for your child on a primary basis. In Texas, this is known as a managing conservatorship. As a result of a child custody case, it is very likely that you and your co-parent white both have rights and duties regarding your child. However, only one of you will be the managing conservator of your child. This puts that parent in the driver’s seat as far as making important decisions for your child including determining the primary residence of him or her.

On the other hand, physical custody of your child refers to the ability to physically care for your child and supervise him or her. Legal custody is more of a theoretical discussion whereas physical custody considers your ability to be present with your child and care for his or her needs. For most parents, this is a primary consideration in a family lowercase. Physical custody has a great deal of emotion tied up in it and, understandably, parents want to ensure that the needs of their children are met regarding daily care.

Finally, visitation means possession and access two your child. When a parent has visitation rights to a child in Texas that means that he or she is not the primary conservator of the child. Rather, this parent would have the ability in right under a family court order to have possession and access to a child because of a court order. A visitation schedule is frequently laid out in a possession schedule. The most common possession schedule, for example, in Texas is known as a standard possession order. You may be familiar with this possession schedule and its hallmark first; 3rd and 5th weekend of the month visitation periods.

How does the uniform child custody jurisdiction enforcement act help courts determine whether Texas has jurisdiction over an initial child custody case?

Sometimes the most difficult part of this entire discussion on jurisdiction in child custody cases relates to being able to decide on what court is the appropriate site for an initial or original child custody case. Many times, if you know where your original case was filed, a modification of that original court order there’s a lot more straightforward because you would simply go back to the original court. However, if you have not yet filed the case and need to be able to have some guidance on the appropriate venue to file then the Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act can help to guide your family to make a good decision as far as where to file a case.

Specifically, a Texas court would have jurisdiction to make an original decision regarding child custody if Texas is the home state of your child. Bear in mind that the home state of your child is not merely a state of mind or a feeling regarding where your child considers being their home state. Rather, Texas would be your child’s home state if he or she lived here with you, your co-parent, or another person acting as a parent for at least six consecutive months immediately before the child custody case was filed.

This means that your child could have Texas as a home state even if it were a grandparent or other family member in Texas who was caring for your child on an extended basis. Remember that the uniform child custody and jurisdiction enforcement act applies to you, your Co-parent as well as your child. For children who are under the age of six months, Texas would be considered the child’s home state if your child has lived in Texas since his or her birth with you, your Co-parent, or a person acting as a parent.

Additionally, Texas could still be the home state of your child even if he or she no longer lives in Texas. This is true if Texas was your child’s home state within six months immediately before the filing of your child custody case and you or your Co-parent have continued to live in Texas. If your child has been moved out of state for any reason but has resided in Texas for six months immediately before the filing of the child custody case, Texas would likely still have jurisdiction over the child custody case.

There still may be some circumstances not covered by the above two components of the Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act. If neither of these situations applies to your family then Texas may still be the appropriate place to file a child custody case if there is no other state which has jurisdiction, either. These types of questions can get complicated, and are best addressed by an experienced family law attorney before deciding one way or the other in terms of determining where to file a child custody case.

How do you inform the court if you believe that the Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act applies to your case?

A worthwhile question to ask regarding determining the appropriate court for jurisdiction purposes in your case relates to how you would go about informing the court that there is a question regarding jurisdiction in the applicability of the Uniform Child Custody and Jurisdiction Enforcement Act. The most direct way to inform the court of this would be to state certain information in your petition or to attach a document to the petition as an exhibit.

First, you would need to provide the court with your child’s current address as well as the places where your child has lived during the prior five-year period. Additionally, you should provide the court with the names and current addresses of any people with whom your child has lived during that period. Providing this basic information can help a court determine a timeline for your child to better acclimate itself to the question of jurisdiction.

Can Texas modify a child custody order from another state?

This is a question that the attorneys with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan receive frequently. With so many people moving to Texas over the past several years it is a relevant question to ask. A Texas court can have jurisdiction sufficient to modify a previously issued child custody order from another state. However, for our Texas court to have this jurisdiction to modify the same court would have had to have had jurisdiction to make an initial child custody determination. Frequently, this would involve your child residing in Texas and having Texas as a home state for the prior six months immediately before your filing the modification. Or your child could have resided in Texas for the prior six-month period and only recently moved to another state.

Enforcing a previously issued court order from another state in Texas

As we talked about earlier in today’s blog post it is critical for you as a parent to be able to know that a Texas court can enforce a previously issued child custody order. At the end of the day, this is probably the most important function of the court order: to hold you and your Co-parent accountable to one another and your child regarding child custody-related matters. Having a court order that you cannot enforce is a hopeless situation to find yourself in.

A Texas family court must both recognize and enforce a child custody order from another state so long as it was issued in conjunction with the Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act. When enforcing an out-of-state child custody order, a Texas family court judge can use any remedy available under the law in Texas.

With so much at stake in interstate child custody circumstances, you do not want to take any chances with not knowing how the law applies to your case or how your family may be impacted by different sets of laws in different states. It can make a tremendous difference where your family law case is filed in what court has jurisdiction over you, your co-parent, your child, and the child custody case in question.

Questions about the material contained in today’s blog post? Contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan

If you have any questions regarding the material presented in today’s blog post, please do not hesitate to contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan. Our licensed family law attorneys offer free of charge consultations six days a week in person, over the phone, and via video. These consultations are a great way for you to learn more about the world of Texas family law as well as about how your family’s circumstances may be impacted by the filing of a divorce or child custody case.

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Deranged Minds Hidden In Plain Sight To Keep Children From Their Protective Parent (Family Courts Manipulating Child Support Currency)

To the therapist for the children in a custody case: Please be advised that the Protective Parent named in this case and his minor children are clients of the FCVFC and, as such, are subjects of advocacy as well as forensic and psychiatric evaluation. We have begun an extensive, intensive, and thorough evaluation process with […]

The post Deranged Minds Hidden In Plain Sight To Keep Children From Their Protective Parent (Family Courts Manipulating Child Support Currency) first appeared on Foundation for Child Victims of the Family Courts.

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The Spiritual War of Narcissistic Abuse

How To Become Immune To Narcissists

Have you been wondering if there’s a way to build up your immunity to narcissists?

A way to be absolutely sure they will never trigger you, reel you in, manipulate you or hurt you again?

I once wondered this myself because, like you, I felt unsure that I would recognize if someone is a narcissist, if I would get caught in their toxic trap and if they would take me down like the last one did…

Today I KNOW I am immune to them. I feel confident, radiant, empowered and expansive, and I am free to be myself. No narcissist can derail me from that.

This Thriver TV episode clearly explains how I, and thousands of other Thrivers in this community, have become impervious to any current or future narcissists. I’ve also included powerful mantras, tactics, and healing tips to help you quickly detach and retake your power. Watch now to start your path to full immunity!

 

 

Video Transcript

Today, I want to explain to you how to be immune to narcissists. So they can’t trigger you, reel you in, manipulate you or continue to hurt you. Now you may not think this is possible, but I can assure you that it is.

To get started, let’s look at the usual belief about being immune to narcissists. Most people think that you can’t be. I see it in narcissistic abuse circles all the time, how apparently narcissists can trick anybody and that the only way that you could ever hope to protect yourself is to learn everything you can about them.

Truly, I find this so self-defeating. Let me explain why.

 

Can Narcissists Trick Anybody?

How paranoid will you be if you are constantly trying to assess whether every person you meet is a narcissist or not? How on earth does that allow you to be happy and empowered and yourself? It doesn’t.

Also, a narcissist doesn’t come into your life wearing a T-shirt saying, “Beware, I’m a narcissist.” Rather, they show up as incredibly awesome people. Exactly who you’ve been waiting for, the answer to your prayers, whether it be in business or a friendship or a new neighbour, a therapist, anybody at all, really. And of course, a potential love partner.

I’m passionate about teaching you the following three things.

Number one – no matter what people say and do you don’t know them yet, there is no way to know immediately whether or not they’re a narcissist. It takes time.

Number two – your immunity to narcissists has nothing to do with you trying to work out who somebody is. Rather, it has everything to do with you healthily backing yourself, knowing how not to trust blindly or rushing in on an emotional whim because you’re feeling needy. Do not do that too fast.

Also, it’s about taking your time with healthy boundaries to ascertain people at a mature, reasonable pace and dotting your I’s and crossing your T’s before you jump into any contracts or anything that could be life-threatening to you. Take your time.

I don’t believe in any shape or form in arming people to spot narcissists and I don’t live my life like that in any way at all. True protection and empowerment is a 180 degree turn away from that philosophy.

Here’s what I embody: feeling confident, radiant, empowered, and expansive, “I’m free to be myself. I’m able to put myself out there regardless of what anybody else is or isn’t doing and healthily create personal relationships, things that I’m interested in, hobbies and businesses, without the fear of who I’m going to meet along the way, narcissist or not.” This is what I teach.

Number three – which is even more vital than the first two points – to understand that becoming immune to narcissists completely depends on, and I can’t stress this enough, how well you’ve recovered and taken your Life Force back from the narcissists in your life that have already traumatized you.

Narcissistic immunity in your future is either severely stunted or completely impossible until you’ve done this. By becoming immune to what those narcissists have done, on all levels of your Being – emotional, mental, spiritual, and financial – whether you are connected to them or not physically, means overcoming it and truly healing from it.

That’s the immunity, it’s the true indication of how well you’re going to fare against narcissists in your future. And I hope as we go through this video you’ll understand that.

Once upon a time, I was still so enmeshed in the obsession, pain and damage of the trauma of narcissistic abuse, even after the relationship was over, that I couldn’t even leave my front door to go grocery shopping.

So how did my shift into narcissistic immunity happen?

 

Number One – Don’t Wait To Be Rescued

Let’s start with my first point – don’t wait to be rescued – this is so important for your immunity.

No matter how broken you feel right now whether you’re still in the relationship or you’re out of it, I really want you to know that as an adult in your body there has to be a level of acceptance that no one’s coming to rescue you. And they can’t. You have to be your own saviour.

In the past when we were trying to be immune to a narcissist we wanted to get outside help, such as our family or friends talking to the narcissist and making them see sense. Or maybe the narcissist being held accountable by authorities or a psychologist.

Once upon a time, I tried to do this as well, but what I found is these people instead sided with the narcissist and they showed me even more how I wasn’t as yet being my own saviour and how I needed to be.

Maybe, like my previous self, you wanted to meet somebody strong to protect you from narcissists. Yet, rather than get a rock who protected us, we got more hammers – narcissistic people showing us how we hadn’t yet healed and started taking care of ourselves.

Or maybe, like I also did, you just hope that somebody one day is going to hand you something, a windfall or their love or something’s going to happen, like you win lotto and get everything you lost back … something that’s going to take away the pain.

I want you to know this, when you heal, which is the Thriver way, and you can create a strong, empowered, and healthy relationship within yourself, not only will you be immune to narcissists, but genuine support will also start streaming into your life, which reflects how you now partner, love and support yourself. And that’s how it works.

Narcissistic immunity must start from within. People can guide you and show you how to create this relationship with yourself – such as the journey with me and my incredible team as a Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP) member – but they can’t do it for you.

A powerful mantra for this is, “By healing me, I heal my Soul and spirit and my relationship with myself and therefore my entire potential for healthy relationships with myself, life and others. And so it is.”

 

Number Two – Don’t Acquiesce

Point number two in creating your narcissistic immunity is – don’t acquiesce. Narcissists require your powerlessness. It’s all about control, superiority, and dominance.

Whether this person is in your life as a friend, a family member, a boss, or a narcissistic love partner who you’re trying to break up with or you’re having problems with, please know you can’t acquiesce your way out of tyranny.

You may think this person will leave you alone, or be kinder, or uphold their end of the bargain if you give them what they want. Negative. The more you give, the more they go in for as they’re siphoning you out. You are granting this person permission to abuse you, mine you and exploit you. And I know that you may be terrified that if you say no, then it could all escalate. Further in this video, I’m going to explain to you why this is not the case.

With existing narcissists or ones that come into your life in the future, if they are toxic people who don’t validate you; or who lie, exploit, abuse and demean you; or who you feel confused or toxically affected by; then your boundaries have to be No Contact or Modified Contact. And the honouring of what is healthy, safe, and sound for you.

To do this, the less expressed is best, such as pulling away. But first of all, you can try and say, “This is what I will accept. This is what I won’t accept.” No lecturing, explaining or prescribing. The narcissist doesn’t need to understand your boundaries and they won’t. They won’t agree with them. It’s only you who needs to agree with it.

The narcissist’s reaction is irrelevant. The narcissist hates boundaries because they can’t control you if you have them. If you have third party communications and plans drawn up and boundaries created legally or through intervention orders and all conversations go through accountable channels, then this all stands in your favour.

A powerful mantra to help you feel the truth of what I’m saying in your body is, “I am going to stand in my rights, values, and truth, regardless of what you are or aren’t trying to do. What is real and true for me stands.” This is a powerful step for your narcissistic immunity.

 

Number Three – Starve The Narcissist Of All Of Your Emotions

Okay, point number three is starve the narcissist of all of your emotions. And again, less is best.

When dealing with narcissists, especially emotionally, this is known as grey rock, you may have heard about it, meaning that any answers or responses that you give are in monosyllables without any emotions.

Narcissists love to feed off your emotional reactions because they’re seeking to trigger you and emotionally derail you. Then they can flip the script and use this to subvert what they’re doing and make out that you are the bad and the wrong one so that they can punish, manipulate you and to continue to exploit you.

If you give them nothing emotionally, and even better, if you are really in the throes with a narcissist legally, then use just factual third party communications. This is if you have unfinished legal business and the narcissist then knows they have no power over you because the need for superiority and narcissistic supply that they need from you to keep attacking you is dwindling – it’s being cut off, snapped off.

Without your emotional energy, the narcissist has to get a feed elsewhere. Also, an added powerful tip with grey rock is to make all of the statements about you and not the narcissist. So ignore their insane and nasty accusations, threats, and behaviour. Don’t even point it out. Don’t even argue with it and just say, “This is what I will agree to. This is what I won’t agree to.”

And use other statements like, “My decisions are my own. I only care what I think, not what you do. I have nothing more to say,” etc. Just give them nothing and make it all about your truth.

A wonderful mantra to feel the power of grey rock possibilities is this, “I know my truth and I no longer hand you any bullets to shoot me with.” This really helps you take your power back.

 


 

 

Number Four – Put Your Focus Fully On Yourself

So, with number four, take your focus off the narcissist and put it fully onto you – we are taking it even further now, to you taking your inner power back.

Immunity to a narcissist is not an outside-in job, it starts on the inside. When you’re trying to think about what happened and what the narcissist is thinking or doing to try to get relief, it doesn’t give you relief, in fact, it feels horrific.

Have you noticed that your nervous system and emotions are terrorized, confused, triggered, and keeping you stuck in trauma when you do this? By replaying the scenes in your mind without closure or an internal embodied shift into peace and relief, which most people can’t logically get no matter how much they talk it out or research narcissism, you’re continually rewounding yourself with the same wounds that the narcissist hurt you with. This bonds you emotionally to the narcissist.

You’re definitely not immune. It means that what happens is you are really prone to being stuck in the obsession and also drawing into you other future narcissists, because you’re vibrating in the trauma of narcissists.

Internal compounding and repeating trauma brings more of that into your life. It’s just how it works. It’s a simple Quantum Law, which is so within so without, which means what is going on inside of us is what we’re attracting and participating in outside of ourselves.

Detaching from thinking about the narcissist and connecting with you, your Inner Being, validating, holding, and healing yourself, making it all about you and your recovery out of this, starts to give you fast relief. You’re getting out of Wrong Town and you’re going towards Right Town.

A beautiful mantra is this, “I let go of you and devote my heart, mind, and spirit to the most important mission I have healing me.” It’s so beautiful when you do that.

Now, Module One of NARP is a wonderful process to bypass the obsessing mind and helps you connect your Inner Being with love. It gets the process started.

 

Number Five – Letting Go Is Not Giving In

So number five is to know that letting go is not giving in. Our human nature is to stay connected and to fight back, because we’re trying to win, to get accountability, vindication and maybe some compensation.

Of course, narcissists thrive off this your triggers, emotional energy and attention play straight into the narcissist’s hands. They don’t have the ability or the desire to be accountable. They’re just not going to do it. They’re not going to make amends or grant you what is decent or what you want, or recognize you or what they did to you. Their only intention is to keep sucking you and your resources dry. According to them, they’re the victim and they deserve everything they can get.

If you hang onto the need for a narcissist to ‘get it’ and try to force this to happen, you will not only receive more abuse, you’re not going to reach narcissistic immunity. And you will keep experiencing people who hurt you in the future, who you try to hold responsible and they won’t be – it just continues the same pattern.

I know that this may seem counterintuitive, “I should stick in there and I should be strong and I should get my vindication. I should get them to understand what they’ve done.” But please know this, the narcissist is all for control and attention. If you just let go and you let life and consequences hold this person accountable and take care of you instead then this is the ultimate insult to a narcissist. They hate becoming irrelevant to you. And then you get to go free. You get your Soul, sanity, Life Force and your future back and the narcissist loses all power over you.

So a powerful mantra for this is, “I take back my power by letting go of you. I’m creating an empowered, healthy relationship with myself and my real life. You are insignificant to me now.”

All of the NARP 10-step healing Modules help you from the inside out achieve this detachment process and you are going to start filling with your own Life Force and your power.

 

Number Six – Holding The Narcissist Accountable

Let’s have a look at this. This is our final one and it’s about holding the narcissist accountable and you may say, “Hang on, you were just saying, let go.  and that I’m not meant to hold them accountable, now you’re saying to hold them accountable.”

And I can almost hear you say, “But I can’t just detach and hand the narcissist everything. I’m stuck in property, business and custody battles and this is even for my kids.” I agree. I absolutely agree. Yet there is a way to battle a narcissist, win against them and still be immune to their toxicity and their shenanigans.

One thing for certain that you need to understand is you can’t get a narcissist to play nice, you can’t reason with them and you can’t bargain with them. They want your pain, they want to keep control and they want to keep hurting you. They don’t wish to cooperate at all.

This is why the majority of issues drag out for years, if not decades, if the narcissist has you enmeshed in property, your kids or stuff. The narcissist doesn’t want this resolved. They want you to be emptied out the entire time, they’re going to chip away at you and get everything they can the whole time you’re hoping that, “Well, maybe they’re going to do the right thing, or maybe I’m massaging them forward into a resolution.”

What they’re doing is emptying you out and they want you to capitulate. They want you to hand them everything when there’s nothing left of you to go forward with. That’s what they’re working at.

So the only way out of this is to get on the offensive and take matters into your own hands and get things to court. Now, the key ingredients necessary for you to do this are anti-fear and anti-pain and of course anti-guilt.

When you’re calm and you’re in your centre and you’re walking a straight empowered line with facts after having created strict boundaries with the narcissist where they can’t access your energy and keep sucking and exploiting you anymore – the narcissist is going to try to hit back hard.

They usually will try and do something ridiculous, some kind of threat, some kind of lie, some kind of process. If you just stand in your truth, untriggered and unperturbed, not feeling sorry for the narcissist, ignoring the garbage – don’t give it any energy, don’t even try to defend it, just get on with your course and the truth. Their lies get exposed. Their insane, over-entitled demands crumble, and they lose. We see it happen all the time in our NARP members community.

Usually, narcissists at this point capitulate and hand you what you want just to get the hell out of your energy and your life. The little man or woman behind the curtain has been exposed as a victimized little bully using emotional games and lies to bluff you into fear, pain and feeling small and powerless. When it doesn’t work, they’re exposed.

You can’t change what the narcissist is going to do because pretty much they all do it. But if you change yourself deeply and emotionally on the inside, you are going to be pleasantly surprised at how unfazed and unaffected you become and then how it all starts unraveling for the narcissist because you called their bluff. You just walked your path. You didn’t capitulate. You didn’t give into it. You weren’t fearful of it. You were just yourself powerfully. They’re no match for that.

A powerful mantra to help you is, “When I stand in my light, power and truth without fear, your games, lies and darkness unravel for all to see. My light is more powerful, always.” What a powerful mantra. It’s so true.

Module Eight in NARP, is the powerhouse to achieve court, custody, and all sorts of wins. If you’re a Gold NARP member, we have an incredible NARP community forum to support you. This community grants you free coaching support and advice 24/7, 365 days in the year with how to succeed every step of the way with this.

 

In Conclusion

Originally, when I went to put this episode together, I wanted to talk about being impervious to narcissists that you may meet in your future. Yet I know so many of you need help to become impervious to narcissists now, to truly clean up your past traumas with narcissists so that you can go forward into genuine narcissistic immunity in your future.

I hope today has helped you understand that by growing through what happened to you rather than just going through it, that your life will be so much more confident, capable, and joyously expansive than it ever has been.

Also, you’ll be so much more empowered to take your time, to see who people really are from their real-life actions and their histories and what their lives are like. And not just listen to their words or what they’re pretending to be in the moment.

You will ask questions; you’ll speak up if something feels off and you will say “no more” if somebody starts treating you abusively.  You won’t have any need to try to change painful people and make them understand you in order for you to have a happy life. You’re going to be able to back yourself rather than trying to make a specific toxic person get, understand you and support you.

This is a Thriver life mission that I’m fully committed to helping you achieve like myself and thousands of others so that you can get on this journey and start enjoying your true self and your true life.

I hope that today has really spoken to you and it’s given you some powerful tips to turn this all around for yourself.

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In Oklahoma, the Drunken Gun Brandisher Gets Custody

Yesterday was another normal day for the Foundation for Child Victims of the Family Courts. We fought with police to keep a child from being delivered into the custody of a father who drives drunk to pick up his child for visitation with a gun in the car, and who sleeps with two guns under […]

The post In Oklahoma, the Drunken Gun Brandisher Gets Custody first appeared on Foundation for Child Victims of the Family Courts.

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Swept Away and Merged Into the Mainstream: The Deranged Mind Becomes the Custodial Parent

This current complaint against the court of Judge Nathan Vu of Orange County, CA, is meant to also serve as a broader commentary on the critical decisions often made by judges to transfer custody of children into the isolation and control of an individual recommended by the consensus of lawyers and court conscripts, and this […]

The post Swept Away and Merged Into the Mainstream: The Deranged Mind Becomes the Custodial Parent first appeared on Foundation for Child Victims of the Family Courts.

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