Man yelling behind upset woman

6 Things To Remember If You Are Divorcing A Narcissist

Man yelling behind upset woman

 

Narcissists are people who have the personality of thinking and admiring themselves. As they have a huge need for attention and admiration for themselves, they lack empathy for others resulting in troubled relationships.

Things to Remember When Divorcing a Narcissist

These people remain captivating and charming in the first place, but when they start staying together with their partners, adjustments become difficult for them. When divorcing a narcissist, you should remember the following things.

Defend Yourself Against The Lies In Court

You should use a diary and take notes of everything, even if it seems insignificant. It would help if you communicated with your narcissist partner through mail or texts so that written documents remain as proof. Your verbal communication should be minimal, without any emotions. You should not provide any reaction or get provoked by the words of your partner. You should also not discuss any court proceedings. In case of any confusion, you should consult with your lawyer.

Never Go For Negotiation If They Beg And Plead

They will never let you go easily. So they can plead and beg for what they want. They will even do things to make you feel wonderful and will promise that they will change their attitude and behavior. But when they cannot soften you, they might curse you, saying that you will never find someone good or you will be ruined. Whatever the situation, never get manipulated into going back to them. If you are courageous enough to stick to your course, you will be grateful in the long run. A family law attorney will guide you so you never get manipulated.

Never Try Rationalizing With Your Partner

Rationalizing will never work with your partner, who will soon be your ex. Narcissists will never care about rational thoughts and are very much involved in what they think. If you want to share rational thoughts, you should share them with your support team, who will understand you properly. They are aware of the truth and your situation and will be there for you whenever required.

Never Get Provoked With Lies

Your narcissistic partner may lie in court. It is to get your attention and provoke you. They may scream, throw tantrums and do whatever they want to provoke you. You need to breathe calmly and never get involved in the provocation. Though it is very tough to stay calm in situations where you are being humiliated with huge lies, you need to stay patient and calm to get results in the long run.

Never Become Emotional

A narcissist’s main goal will be to get a rise out of you. When you get emotional, they will easily prove you the person they want you to be proved in front of the court. They are very manipulative and charming. If you fall for their charm, it will create a picture of their positive side and your negative side in front of the court. The less emotional you will remain, the better your position will be. It would be good if you never screamed or yelled out your feelings at the court, as it will never look good in front of them.

Hire A Specialist Lawyer

The divorce process is tough, but with a specialist lawyer, it will become smooth. Make sure that the lawyer has dealt with similar cases before so that you have a high chance of winning the case. It will help if you are looking for lawyers who specialize in dealing with Divorce from a narcissist.

Conclusion

Dealing with narcissists is difficult if you get easily provoked and emotional. So, when you are fighting a case against them, you should hire a specialist lawyer against them who can help you win the case.

The post 6 Things To Remember If You Are Divorcing A Narcissist appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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Mom and daughters standing in the ocean

A Fresh Start: 5 Ways to Reclaim Your Life After Divorce

Mom and daughters standing in the ocean

 

Going through a divorce can leave you feeling emotionally drained, financially insecure, and even worried about your future. No matter how long you were married or how the relationship ended, divorce is never easy. It can cause you to feel like you’ve lost part of your identity, and you might not know which direction your life is headed.

Take a deep breath.

Those thoughts and feelings are perfectly normal, but they don’t have to be permanent.

Reclaim Your Life after Divorce

Now that you’re done dealing with judges and lawyers, you can start writing the next chapter of your life and reclaim your identity after a divorce. If you’re not sure how to get started, we’ve got a few suggestions on how to give yourself the fresh start you deserve.

1. Consider a Move

Typically, one person will remain in the marital home after a divorce, especially if kids are involved. Or, a couple might choose to sell the home and split the profits. Whatever the case, it can be beneficial to move to a different home or new location entirely if you have the ability.

There can be countless memories attached to a house, a town, and even specific buildings. Any place that reminds you of the negative aspects of your relationship can be detrimental to your healing process.

If you have the freedom and the finances, consider moving to a place that offers a good social and entertainment scene. Doing so will encourage you to “get out there” and jumpstart the next phase of your journey.

2. Take Care of Your Body

It can be hard to find the motivation to work out and eat healthy after going through a stressful divorce. All of us have seen the stereotypes of women in movies and TV shows sitting in bed eating a pint of Ben & Jerry’s and watching romantic comedies.

There’s nothing wrong with that – in moderation. It’s okay to grieve the loss of your marriage and find comfort in the things you love.

However, it’s not a long-term solution, and won’t get you started on a fresh path in life.

Instead, try to focus on taking care of your body. It’s a wonderful form of self-care, and regular exercise has countless benefits, including

  • It can improve your mood
  • It boosts your energy
  • It reduces stress
  • You’ll boost your cardiovascular health
  • You’ll increase your stamina
  • You’ll sleep better

It’s okay to start small. Go for a walk around the neighborhood or commit to jogging every morning. Join a dance class or a sports team. Find what works for you and makes you feel happy. Playing a sport or joining a class can be especially effective for your mental health as they’ll allow you to meet new people and not feel so alone.

3. Manage Your Mental Health

Speaking of your mental well-being, it’s crucial to make it a priority after a divorce. According to a study done by AARP, 28% of people over the age of 40 experience depression after going through a divorce. If you’re truly struggling with your mental wellness, one of the best things you can do is consider seeking professional help. A therapist can work with you to overcome those feelings and start you on a healthier path forward.

However, there are also things you can incorporate into your daily routine to prioritize your mental health and reclaim your thoughts and your life, including

Self-care is hugely important when it comes to your mental health. Try to do something each day that reduces your stress and makes you feel good about yourself. By finding more activities that boost your mental wellness, bit by bit, you’ll start to feel more like yourself than you have in years, and you’ll have more confidence in yourself that you can “start over” and enjoy a new life.

4. Reclaim Your Finances

A divorce can be financially draining. Between attorney fees and potentially owing your former spouse, you might be worried about your financial situation while you’re trying to start over on your own.

Thankfully, there are a few things you can do to reclaim your finances and start building a better nest egg.

Start by reevaluating your job. Maybe your spouse was the “breadwinner” in your marriage and you’re looking for a job for the first time. Choose a career path that you can see yourself in for a long time. Nowadays, it’s not uncommon to work from home or work as a freelancer. Do you have a specific skill that you can advertise to others? You might be able to start a side-hustle or full-time job by putting it to good use.

If you already have a job but you’re looking for more ways to build wealth and secure your finances, consider looking into different investments. Even if you’re on a budget, you can build wealth through various savings accounts, or by looking into nontraditional investment types. Investing is a great way to secure your retirement and provide for your kids in the future.

5. Let Go of Your Past

This is perhaps the most important tip for reclaiming your life after divorce.

You’re never going to be able to truly move ahead unless you let go of the pain and frustration caused by your marriage and the divorce process. No matter how things ended, you have to be able to forgive yourself and your former spouse.

Don’t hold grudges. Be willing to co-parent if you share kids. Focus on moving forward in life, rather than holding on to the things that caused so much turmoil. You don’t control what happens to you, but you do control how you react to it. While it will take time and effort to fully heal from your divorce, choosing to “let go” is a good place to start. The longer you hold onto the pain, the longer it will take for you to reclaim your life.

You’ve been given a clean slate. It might not feel like it right now, but this is a chance to start fresh and not only write the rest of your story but reclaim your identity while you’re at it. Use this opportunity to rediscover who you are and who you want to be, and use these tips to help you get started on that road of discovery.

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gray haired happy woman

When You’re Drunk in Love, But You Finally Came to Your Senses…After 30 Years

gray haired happy woman

 

“In sickness and in health…for richer or poorer…Until death do us part.”

People get married to grow old with each other. During their nuptials, partners exchange marriage vows and speak of a love that lasts forever. You say words full of promises to be there for each other no matter the circumstance. However, it’s not always the case. Couples can decide to part ways even after 30 years into their marriage.

Drunk in Love

Take the case of Bill and Melinda Gates. The couple, married for 27 years, shocked the world when they announced their split. But their separation isn’t special. Divorce after years of marriage is pretty common.

Why does this happen? Is it a trend or a pressing problem with ramifications for both parties? This article will discuss why the overall divorce rate for the older demographic is increasing over time.

What is Gray Divorce?

Gray divorce is also known as a “silver splitter.” It’s a legal separation between two older adults aged 50 and above. These couples have shared long-lasting relationships between 20 to 30 years together. Most involved in these divorce proceedings belong to the baby boomer generation and mostly have gray hairs. Hence, the name gray divorce.

The gray divorce rate going up is not news. It’s been going on for years. A 2012 study documented that marriage dissolution in people aged 50 and older doubled within 10 years. In 2010 alone, 25 percent of divorces belonged to the older age group.

Today, not much has changed. The latest report by the US Census Department highlighted that 34.9 percent of Americans filing for divorce in 2020 were 55 years old and older.

Interestingly, these older adults not only have to deal with financial constraints but also health concerns. Divorcing after years of marriage also means saying goodbye to a longer life. Studies have shown that married individuals have longer life expectancy than unmarried ones.

Three Reasons Why Even Long-Term Marriages End up in Divorce

Long-term marriages go through different stages of learning and relearning about each other. Couples discover new things about each other over the years of being together. In the course of their relationship, they may realize that they have different views on things.

There may also be some instances when problems can get out of hand. In such cases, the best course of action is to go their separate ways. While they grow together, it’s also possible for them to grow apart. Here are three common reasons why gray divorce happens:

Empty Nest Syndrome

As adult children seek an independent life by moving out, most couples find themselves spending more time with only each other. This constant exposure to each other’s presence can highlight the dynamics the couples share.

Married couples tend to focus more on their differences now that they no longer have children to look after. During all the years of marriage, most couples rarely spend time alone.

Going on dates and doing activities without the kids are a rarity. As their children are no longer there to mask marital neglect, the cracks of the marriage become more visible.

When they are in their midlife, couples may realize that both of them have changed. They no longer share the same passions and goals.

Financial Issues

Married couples will have to face several challenges as they work through their marriage. A significant one is financial issues. These monetary problems are more tolerable when both spouses have their sources of income.

However, there may be instances when these financial issues become a significant concern in the marriage. Many couples must rely on their retirement funds when they reach retirement age. Living on a fixed income means they must be more careful about their spending habits.

Financial conflicts can also arise from the so-called spender vs. saver dichotomy. This difference in mindset can cause a rift in the marriage.

For example, a partner stays at home with no income while the other continues to work. The other can feel guilty about not contributing financially. The other may feel more power in the relationship because they’re “providing” familial support.

Financial problems can also stem from addictions, often dragging on in the long-term. In such cases, most couples decide to start the divorce process by consulting a certified divorce financial analyst. This helps determine the appropriate spousal support.

Infidelity

Marital neglect is common in long-term marriages. Some couples become so used to seeing and being with their partners that they take each other for granted. It can result in a lack of romance, making them easily succumb to temptation. While there’s no excuse for cheating on a spouse, some partners may seek what their marriage lacks in other people.

According to psychologists, people cheat because they have emotional issues. They use cheating as a way to deal with aging. Starting an affair makes them believe they are still attractive to someone other than their partners.

Many divorcing couples go through bouts of infidelity several times throughout their marriage until they reach a breaking point. However, using infidelity as grounds for divorce can be tricky. While adultery is illegal in some states, it doesn’t hold weight in divorce proceedings. Talking to a family law attorney may be necessary in order to understand your state’s divorce laws.

Divorce After 30 Years: What to Expect

Starting a new life after a long marriage can be challenging but liberating. There are things you must know. Here are some of them.

Retirement and Divorce

Since gray divorce occurs when you’re in your retirement age, it’s essential to secure your finances, healthcare, and retirement accounts to shield yourself from physical and mental injuries.

Keep in mind that your divorce can impact your retirement plans. Ask your divorce attorney about the division of assets and alimony.

Think about your financial security. If you’re relying on monthly pensions, consider if it will be enough to support your needs. You must also look into your healthcare insurance.

If you’re looking to keep lawyers out of the divorce, it is possible to get divorced without hiring an attorney in some states like Texas. Before deciding whether to proceed with a DIY divorce, make sure to look into your state’s laws and consider the pros and cons.

Changes in Family Dynamics

Divorce means a change in the current family dynamics. Post-divorce, the family traditions that you’ve followed for years will change.

Children will end up choosing sides over trivial and important things. Though not always guaranteed, divorce can split the entire family. For example, children must choose which parent they will spend the holidays with. Ultimately, they may decide not to visit anyone at all. This may cause them to grow apart from you.

Older people divorcing doesn’t mean they won’t remarry. Remarried couples often have to deal with introducing their new relationships to their children.

Gray Divorce Is Not the End of Your Story

Divorcing later in life doesn’t mean that you’ve made a mistake. You got married because it felt right at that time. Several things can happen while you’re together that forces you to make the brave decision of accepting your reality.

Remember, divorce doesn’t mean your story is ending. It is the start of another chapter in your life.

The post When You’re Drunk in Love, But You Finally Came to Your Senses…After 30 Years appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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Why It's Important To Put Children First During Divorce

Why It’s Important To Put Children First During Divorce

Why It's Important To Put Children First During Divorce

 

I’m not one of those experts who believe that divorce has little significant effect on a child’s life. I’m of the opinion that divorce can set a child up for lifelong emotional struggles. The divorce of a child’s parent leaves them with negative emotions they will deal with throughout their lives in one way or another.

Yes, they learn to adjust to the fact that their parents are divorced, but the sadness caused by the divorce lessens with time but never goes away. On top of the regret a child feels over a parent’s divorce, there can be devastating consequences if the parents do not handle the divorce in a responsible manner.

I bristle when I hear parents say that children are “resilient” and can “handle” their divorce. I’ve talked to adults who were devastated years after their divorce was finalized, yet for some strange reason, they believe that their children are more capable of getting over and learning to live with a situation they, themselves, are finding hard to accept and move on from.

It is this belief by parents that children are resilient that sets children up for disaster when their parent’s divorce. A child’s divorce experience is shaped by whether or not parents continue to put their children’s well-being and security first during the divorce process.

Why it’s Important to Put Children First During Divorce

Divorce means huge changes in the lives of children.

It can also mean direct involvement in the conflict between parents, changes in where they live, economic hardship, broken bonds with a parent, loss of emotional security, and a multitude of emotional stressors.

Divorce means the loss of a child’s family, something that is the center of their universe.

If a child is raised in a happy or low-conflict family, that family is the base of their security. It is what allows that child to go out into the world and broaden their horizons because they know there is a safe place to return to.

The loss of an intact family is like a death to the child. There will be a period of grieving and a need to replace, with something new, the security they had in the intact family.

Divorce increases a child’s risk of psychological, educational, and sociological problems.

A parent’s divorce touches every aspect of a child’s life. A child’s relationships with friends will change, and their ability to focus and concentrate in school will be affected. As a result, there is an increased possibility of problems with anxiety and depression.

Divorce causes children emotional pain.

Regardless of how hard a parent tries and how well they parent, a child will feel sadness and loss during and after a divorce. Your divorce is going to hurt your children! And please, don’t fall for the nonsense belief that if the “parent is happy, the child will be happy.” I promise you unless your child is witnessing or a party to domestic abuse or high conflict, the child could care less if Mom and Dad are happy.

Some parents have a misguided belief that their children are spending time and energy worrying about their happiness. Nothing could be further from the truth, children are concerned with their own happiness and security, as it should be.

So, please, don’t project your need to divorce so you can be “happy” off onto your children. You will do them no favor, and it will free you up to ignore their pain due to a skewed belief that is not correct.

What Are The Negative Effects of Divorce For Children?

If you contrast children from intact families to children of divorce, children from divorced families are:

  • Twice as likely to have to see a mental health provider,
  • Twice as likely to exhibit behavioral problems,
  • More than twice as likely to have problems with depression and mood disorders,
  • Twice as likely to drop out of high school before graduating,
  • Twice as likely to divorce themselves as adults,
  • Less socially competent and tend to linger in adolescents before moving into adulthood.

Andrew Cherlin, a family demographer at Johns Hopkins University, said that even those who grow up to be very successful as adults carry “the residual trauma of their parent’s breakup.”

In other words, when we, as adults, make the decision to divorce, we are going against our natural parental instincts…protecting our children from harm. Some would argue that divorce in and of itself does not cause harm to children. They believe that it is the behavior of the parents during a divorce that determines how a child will fare or what the consequences will be.

I agree that, as parents, we can lessen the negative effects of divorce on our children. There are obligations that parents have during divorce that can help their children cope. The issue I have, though, is this, during my career as a therapist who has worked closely with divorcing clients, children seem to take a backseat to their parent’s needs during that time.

Parents are more focused on the legal process of divorce and their own emotional needs than their children’s needs. Until I see a change in the way the majority of parents behave during divorce I will hold onto my belief that children are irreparably harmed by divorce and suffer due to parents who are unable to parent and divorce at the same time.

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The Most Important Stages Of The Divorce Process

The Most Important Stages Of The Divorce Process

 

Divorce is both an emotional and a financial hassle. If you want to file for dissolution of marriage in Florida, you should know there are two types of divorce. The simplified dissolution of marriage and the regular dissolution of marriage.

In a simplified dissolution of marriage, spouses agree on the division of assets and property, do not have children or file for divorce during a pregnancy stage, or do not seek alimony. In a regular dissolution of marriage, the situation is reversed, and various aspects of the divorce cannot be agreed upon.

In both cases, consulting with a divorce lawyer can simplify the process, bringing it to an end sooner and in your favor. Working with a lawyer can help you take the proper actions while the case is underway. For example, certain actions, such as online statements, can backfire on your case during the divorce procedure. Click here to learn more.

Regardless of what type of divorce you wish to pursue in Florida, here are some of the most important stages:

The Petition and the Response

The first stage in a divorce, and one of the most important for foreshadowing how your divorce case will go, is how you file the petition and how your spouse responds to it. In Florida, you must meet some requirements before filing for divorce, such as:

  • One of the spouses had a residency in Florida for at least six months before filing for divorce
  • Both parties must provide full financial disclosure
  • Proof of marriage
  • Demonstrating the marriage is disjointed

When you file the dissolution of marriage in the county you reside in, the court will send divorce papers to your spouse. If your spouse disagrees with the divorce settlement terms, the court will order a court hearing.

If your spouse agrees with the settlement agreement, your divorce case will not go to trial and will be finalized sooner. A divorce attorney can help you prepare your files properly so your case proceeds easier.

If your spouse dodges the divorce papers, it may be an early sign that your divorce proceedings will not go smoothly, and thus you will need a good divorce lawyer to help you combat other divorce delaying tactics that your spouse may use later.

Division of Family Assets & Alimony

The equitable division laws in Florida imply the distribution of all marital assets. Although some do not consider these laws to be fair, a divorce attorney will represent your rights and opinions regarding alimony. This is the most critical financial stage in a divorce, and the court will consider issues such as:

  • The duration of your marriage
  • Disabilities, age, and health
  • Various economic circumstances
  • Spousal allocation of wealth

It’s important to avoid big financial decisions during your divorce proceedings; otherwise, it may backfire on your case. Even if you learn here more about the most important stages of a divorce, things can turn out differently in your case. Contacting a divorce lawyer is the best way to have your case analyzed and get solid legal advice that can prepare you for the most important stages in your particular divorce proceedings.

Child Custody or Child Support

The most important “emotional stage” of any divorce is, of course, related to child custody. Here, the court will decide in the child’s best interest, and this is the stage where issues such as domestic violence, child abuse, and other problems are discussed if present.

If you want to keep your children safe, working with a divorce lawyer is imperative to prove the abusive behavior of your former partner. Apart from this, child support is also important during separation. Even with the distribution of assets, raising and caring for children is difficult without additional financial support. Child support is imperative if you are unable to take care of your children due to financial reasons.

More importantly, even if you aren’t an abusive parent, your former spouse may try to put the blame on you. Having a good divorce lawyer by your side is critical in this situation, as they will help you out and fight in your best interest till the end.

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pensive curly haired woman working on her laptop

6 Benefits Of Online Divorce

pensive curly haired woman working on her laptop

 

We often hear about the growing role of the internet in the divorce process. It isn’t unheard of for divorce filings to include the word “Facebook.” A wife reconnects with an old high school boyfriend on Facebook, and the next thing you know, divorce has been filed.

That isn’t the only way the internet is playing a larger role in the divorce process, though. The internet has become a more convenient place for dissolving marriages, thanks to online divorce services.

If you desire a hassle-free and affordable divorce, it’s easy to understand why online divorce services are growing in popularity for those seeking an uncontested divorce.

Who can File for Divorce Online?

You’re more likely to be able to take advantage of the affordability of an online divorce if you and your spouse agree on the terms of your divorce settlement before filing for divorce. That and the factors below should be taken into consideration when filing for divorce online.

  • If the marriage was short-term
  • If there are no shared assets or debts
  • If there are no children
  • If any disagreements have already been mediated

If all or at least most of these factors are present in your marriage, then online divorce services may be advantageous to you.

6 Benefits of an Online Divorce

What are the 6 top benefits of using an online divorce company when you’re contemplating a divorce?

1. Online Divorce is Easier and Less Painful Than a Litigated Divorce

Ending a marriage is a painful and stressful process. Add to that the adversarial nature of a litigated divorce, and you make matters worse. Let’s face it, divorce attorneys are in business to make money, and amping up conflict is the way they do it.

With online divorce, however, most of the legwork is done for you without the need for attorneys. When you eliminate divorce attorneys, the entire process is smoother, less painful, and quicker. You’re provided the needed forms, fill them out, file them, and the process works for you, not against you.

2. An Online Divorce Saves You Money

According to a survey conducted by legal website Nolo, the average (mean) total cost of divorce in 2019 was $12,900, while the median cost was $7,500. However, If you do your own divorce papers and your divorce is amicable, costs could be under $500, according to LegalZoom.com.

By getting an online divorce, you can save yourself thousands of dollars! How is this possible? You don’t need an attorney, which means not getting stuck in all the conflict stirred up when you introduce an attorney into the divorce process. There are no attorney fees, no court costs, and no mediators to pay!

3. File for  Online Divorce, and you Won’t End up in Divorce Court

Most online divorce services were created with this in mind. Their goal is to keep customers out of divorce court and, due to this, offer services that make the divorce process easier and less conflicted.

For example, some online divorce services offer mediation services for issues such as child custody and child support. They encourage the use of visitation schedules and communication services to keep things civil and out of the hands of mediators and divorce court judges.

An online divorce service will work with you to keep down conflict and make the settlement process easier instead of working against you.

4. Additional Help is Available if Needed

Some online divorce services offer additional help, for example, if you don’t know the location of your spouse, you will be helped in finding them. Another way some online services offer additional support is by having attorneys on staff to answer questions someone may have about marital debt, child custody, or other divorce-related issues. Please request information about additional services before contracting with any online divorce service.

5. Online Divorce is Convenient

When you file for divorce at home on your computer there is no need to schedule meetings with a divorce attorney or, make trips to the courthouse. You can start and stop the process as needed at your own convenience.

Online divorce means:

  • You don’t miss work
  • No need to worry about childcare
  • No waiting inline
  • No need to rearrange your life

You create a username and password and sign in at your convenience to track and update your case files and documents.

6. No Need to Worry Over and Hassle with Paperwork

I’ve been through a litigated divorce. Twenty years later, and I still have boxes of paperwork in my attic! When you file for divorce online, all your paperwork in stored online, in one convenient location, and accessible to you at all times.

No need to worry about delivering paperwork to your attorney and then worrying about the attorney losing it or not properly filing it. No need to worry about taking paperwork to the post office to mail off and crossing your fingers that it gets to the proper address.

One of the most difficult aspects of divorce is the paper chase you become engaged in. With an online divorce, you avoid that aspect altogether.

Divorce, in general, can test your limits. It’s painful and stressful, but being able to get an online divorce is heaven sent due to its many benefits. Do your research, know how the process works and choose the online divorce services that best fit your situation. Then enjoy the benefits of a more expedited divorce process.

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Woman holding out empty blue jean pockets

Women Continue to Suffer Financial Problems During and After Divorce

Woman holding out empty blue jean pockets

 

Family structures have changed drastically over the last several decades. In the past, men were more likely to be the sole or primary income earners for families, and women were more likely to be homemakers. However, this is no longer the case in the majority of American families. Women are just as likely as men to have full-time jobs, and in many families, both spouses share equally in earning income and managing household responsibilities.

Financial Problems During and After Divorce

However, despite these changes, many women continue to face disadvantages during divorce. Certain women are particularly likely to face financial difficulties, such as those who have remained home to care for children, those who earn less than their spouses, or those who have been victims of abuse.

Regardless of your individual situation, it is important to understand the best ways to mitigate the financial risks of divorce while ensuring that your rights will be protected in decisions about property division and other issues. This can ensure that you will be able to move on successfully and build a new life for yourself after ending your marriage.

Addressing the Gender Pay Gap

Despite increased awareness of the inequalities that women often face in the workforce, many women continue to make less than their male counterparts, even when they are doing the same jobs. This can affect women’s ability to support themselves after getting divorced, and it can lead to inequitable financial outcomes, even if a divorce settlement seems to be fair.

Unfortunately, there is little that can be done on the individual level to change policies regarding pay for women throughout the United States. While women cannot force employers to pay them more, they can advocate for themselves in the workplace, and if necessary, they may seek new employment that provides pay that matches their skills and experience.

You can also protect yourself by planning ahead for the loss of income you might experience after your divorce. This may include paying off as much debt as possible using shared family income, which can help limit your expenses following divorce. you may also seek out opportunities that could increase your income without a lot of time commitment (i.e. selling crafts, dog-walking, house cleaning, etc.). With the proper legal representation during the divorce process, you can ensure that every financial aspect of your case will be carefully considered, and you can work to negotiate settlements that will protect your financial interests.

When Women Are Left Out of the Loop

In some cases, women may face disadvantages due to not being involved in managing family finances. When husbands are primarily responsible for managing income, debts, and assets, wives may be unaware of the amount of income that is being earned, the expenses that are being paid, and the value of different types of property.

Husbands may have more involvement in managing retirement accounts and other assets that may be easy to hide during the divorce process. This lack of knowledge can put women at a financial disadvantage as they work to address the division of marital property and other issues.

Thankfully, these issues can be mitigated with the help of an experienced divorce lawyer. A lawyer can help you gain a full understanding of the extent of your marital assets, and if necessary, they can work with financial experts to discover any hidden assets and find the information needed to obtain a clear picture of your family’s financial situation. By fully considering all issues related to your property and finances, you can make the right decisions that will benefit you as you end your marriage.

Failure to Consider Issues Related to Financial Support and Property Ownership

Women may sometimes struggle financially after getting divorced due to a failure to fully understand how the decisions they have made will affect them in the future. In many cases, women will be able to have primary custody of the children they share with their spouses, and this will ensure that they will receive child support. If they earn a significantly lower income than their spouse or if they have been out of the workforce for an extended period of time while they were married, they may also receive spousal support (also known as spousal maintenance or alimony).

However, women may sometimes overestimate the amount of support they will receive, and these amounts may not be sufficient to fully meet the needs of themselves and their children. This can be especially true when a woman wishes to maintain ownership of the family home. The costs of home ownership can be significant, and they will include ongoing mortgage payments, property taxes, utilities, and maintenance.

Underestimating these expenses and relying on financial support from an ex-spouse that may not fully cover ongoing costs may lead to financial difficulties in the future.

Fortunately, you can avoid these issues by creating a workable post-divorce budget and finding affordable living arrangements that will allow ongoing expenses to be paid while also saving money and providing for the needs of you and your children.

Get Legal Help With Divorce-Related Financial Issues

The best thing that women can do to protect themselves financially during the divorce process is to secure representation from a qualified divorce lawyer. With the help of an attorney, you can make sure you fully understand your financial situation, and you can make decisions that will benefit you and your children as you move on to the next stage of your life.

Sources:

wtop.com/money/2017/03/mindful-divorces-financial-consequences/

www.fool.com/the-ascent/banks/articles/x-financial-challenges-women-face-in-a-divorce/https://www.forbes.com/sites/nextavenue/2018/07/15/the-6-nasty-financial-surprises-for-divorcing-women/

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9 Things To Expect From An Angry Ex During And After Divorce

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I divorced 16 years ago. I remember vividly my ex telling me he was angry and would be “for a very long time.” Welp, it’s been 16 long years, and he is still angry.

His anger caused the divorce process to drag on for seven years. It’s caused him to break off contact with his children only to pop into their lives every six years or so and drop bombs on them.

The only time our two children and I know peace is when he has disappeared from our lives. Thankfully he does that often and for long periods of time. I owe him deeply for those peaceful periods.

Back in December, he contacted our younger son. He had not seen or communicated with either of our sons in over 7-years. He made promises to a young man who desperately craved his father’s love. Three months later, he reneged on those promises, and here we are today, once again cleaning up after an angry ex who can’t get over it (he wanted the divorce) and continually allowing himself to hurt his children.

For some of us, the negative repercussions of divorce are a never-ending story. I can count on him to pop up and drop a bomb on us, and I’ve learned to count on myself to keep a tight grip on the negative emotions it causes us and how we respond to the problems he causes.

I often tell people to monitor their responses to emotions during the divorce process and after. Being able to respond rationally to negative behavior from an angry ex helps keep down the cost of your divorce, will make the process less conflicted, and will be invaluable in your being able to move on and rebuild after the divorce is final.

What happens when your ex isn’t able to monitor their responses and react in a rational manner, though? If he insists on remaining angry, the best thing you can do is keep your cool, for your sake and the sake of your children.

You can also arm yourself with knowledge of what might come your way. Doing this will help keep your expectations low, which in turn, will help you respond to an irrational, angry ex in a way that does not do more harm.

Below are some common tactics used by an angry ex-husband or wife during the divorce process and after.

1. Accusations of Abuse of You or Your Children:

Getting a restraining order against a husband is a practice some women use against men in order to gain sole legal custody or have the husband removed from the marital home. Guard against this happening by refusing to engage in any form of conflict in person, via email or over the phone.

And, if you do become a victim of false allegations of domestic abuse, do not respond to the allegations in a manner that will make the situation worse.

And this is not a tactic used by women alone. An angry ex-husband is just as likely to make false accusations of abuse against the mother of his children. The difference between the motivation when it comes to men is, normally, to frighten a mother and manipulate her into doing something he wants. Don’t fall for the manipulation!

2. Limiting Access to Marital Assets:

If you are a stay-at-home mother who is dependent on the salary of her husband, he can use his ability to limit your access to money as a form of punishment during the divorce process.

To keep this from happening, make sure that your name is on all marital assets before filing for a divorce. This includes all bank accounts, credit card accounts that you don’t close, and retirement fund accounts that you expect to draw from.

In some cases, cases where you believe your spouse will empty bank accounts, you will want to open an account in your name only and transfer funds you need to live on into your new account before having your spouse served with divorce papers.

3. Use of The Discovery Process to Delay The Divorce Process:

During the discovery process, your divorce attorney will request documents from your spouse related to income and assets. A spouse can stall the process by refusing to respond to such requests. Or, he may send a barrage of requests to you via his attorney, attempting to bog you down in paperwork.

To protect yourself from a spouse who will use the courts to abuse you, hire an attorney who will not hesitate to use the Family Court System to force a response when he uses such tactics.

4. Refusal to Follow Through on Verbal Agreements:

Most going through the divorce process work at making sure it is not riddled with conflict. In doing so they can make the mistake of believing that their spouse will stand by any verbal agreements made between the two. I always suggest there be a legal document drawn up and signed by both spouses and their attorneys, just to cover yourself.

Such a document can be used in court to prove a spouse’s intent to take part in a verbal agreement. If push comes to shove, you will have evidence that can be used as proof that your ex intended for a particular action to take place.

5. Ask For 50/50 Custody:

This will anger some men, BUT there are situations where a father will request either full or 50/50 custody to scare a wife into settling for less during divorce settlement negotiations.

A wife may be willing to take less than she is entitled to if it means retaining full custody of her children. Your best bet is to offer 50/50 custody from the beginning. This takes away any leverage a husband can use, and it is in the best interest of the children to spend equal time with two parents who love them.

It will also scare him off if full or equal custody isn’t what he is interested in. If it’s manipulation by threatening custody, if you come out of the gate offering him 50/50, you’ll take away his ability to use custody threats against you.

6. Spying to Dig Up Dirt:

My ex had a keystroke program installed on my computer and bugged my home phone during our separation. He thought he would gain the information he could use in divorce court against me. He didn’t succeed, but don’t be surprised if your angry ex attempts to do the same in your situation. Don’t do or say anything online or via the phone that will give him ammunition to use in court.

7. Attempting to Control Your Personal Life:

For some reason, some ex-husbands don’t feel that what is good for them is good for their ex. They will do everything in their power to know your every move, who you are dating, where you are going on vacation…every step you make.

The fact that you two are divorced, torn asunder, means nothing. Just because you were once married to them, they feel the right of ownership. They will remarry but throw a fit if you plan to remarry. They may have a strange woman stay overnight when the kids are in their custody but if you even have a man over for dinner, watch out! These guys who are control freaks have failed to fully understand what “divorce” means.

Set your boundaries, shut them down when they attempt to control and refuse to communicate with them about your personal life.

8. Using Their Children as Pawns to Hurt You:

The angry ex who uses his children to get back at the mother of his children is the worst, absolute worst. This guy will stomp on his children’s hearts if it means causing you the least bit of inconvenience. And, there isn’t much you can do except be there to help your children deal with their pain.

9. Lack of Interest in Seeing Their Children:

He may fight like hell during the divorce process for equal custody but, when it’s all said and done, the paperwork is signed and the divorce is final, he rarely sees his children. He makes big promises and always breaks them. His relationship with his children will depend on whether or not he is in a relationship at the moment.

This kind of man is ALWAYS going to put his girlfriend or new wife first. He and his feelings are of uppermost concern to him, and if he has to make a choice between being stroked by a new woman or putting himself out for his children, he is going to choose the stroking every time.

Giving in to your own anger and getting down and dirty yourself gets you nowhere and leaves a stain on your character that you will live with permanently. You can’t fix an angry ex, you can’t rationalize with an irrational person. All you can do is keep yourself emotionally stable enough to focus on your life and your children regardless of what your angry ex does.

Take the high road, and don’t do anything you will one day look back on with shame just because he is being an asshole doesn’t mean you have to also.

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Where To Look For Hidden Assets During Divorce

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If you are in the midst of the divorce process, you may be concerned about multiple types of financial issues. You will want to make sure you will be able to support yourself after you separate from your spouse, and you will also want to be sure you can receive a fair share of your marital property.

However, you may be worried that your ability to reach a fair divorce settlement will affect your spouse’s attempts to hide money or other assets.

This can be a significant concern for many mothers who are going through divorce. If you have been focused on childcare and other household responsibilities, you may not be as well-informed about your family’s finances as your spouse.

This can put you at a disadvantage, especially if you do not have all the information you need about your household income and expenses or the different types of assets you and your spouse own. If you are concerned that your spouse is attempting to hide assets, here are some tips on where you can look to uncover these issues:

Where to Look for Hidden Assets During Divorce

Tax Returns

Hiding income from the IRS can lead to serious penalties, including hefty fines or even prison time. Because of this, most people take care to properly report their income when filing their annual tax returns. Whether you and your spouse have filed taxes jointly or separately, you should be able to access the returns that were filed in the past.

By closely examining tax returns from the past five years, you can search for inconsistencies between the income that was reported to the IRS and the financial disclosures made by your spouse during the divorce process.

Checking Account Statements and Canceled Checks

You should be able to access information about any joint bank accounts you have with your spouse, and during the discovery process, you can obtain information about separately-owned accounts as well. By reviewing bank statements, you can determine how marital funds were used to make purchases, pay expenses, or transfer money to others.

Canceled checks can be very helpful, and they may show that your spouse made purchases that you were unaware of or attempted to transfer funds to friends or family members to avoid dividing them with you during the divorce process.

Savings Accounts

By reviewing statements for any accounts you and your spouse own together or separately, you can determine whether any unusual deposits or withdrawals were made. Large deposits may mean your spouse is concealing a source of income, such as dividends earned through ownership of stock. Unexplained withdrawals may be attempts to conceal assets that should be included in the property division process during your divorce.

Loan Documents

If your soon-to-be ex-spouse borrowed money from a mortgage company or bank, you can receive a copy of their loan application from the courthouse, as well as other documentation related to the loan. These documents will list all of the assets reported when applying for the loan.

The estimated values of these assets can give you a clear idea of what property should be divided during the divorce process, as well as the financial resources available to your spouse through any non-marital assets they own. All of this information can inform the decisions made during the asset division process.

The County Auditor

If your spouse has made any real estate purchases, the county auditor will have information related to any money that was taken from savings accounts and used to purchase real estate. You will be able to find any homes or land your spouse owns and ensure that the value of these assets will be properly considered when dividing your marital property.

Lifestyle Analysis

If you are uncertain about the extent of your family’s finances, you may want to consider the lifestyle of your soon-to-be ex-partner. Does their reported income match the type of clothing they wear, the car they drive, and the activities they participate in? If you believe their lifestyle is more lavish than their reported income could support, they may be hiding assets from you.

A forensic accountant may be able to help you analyze the information available to you and determine whether it matches up with the lifestyle of your spouse and your family. They can use the abovementioned methods and other techniques to uncover assets your spouse has attempted to conceal.

Get Legal Help Uncovering Hidden Assets

You may be able to work with accountants or other financial experts during the divorce process to uncover any hidden assets and gain a complete understanding of your family’s finances. However, your best resource is likely to be your attorney.

An experienced divorce lawyer can help you determine the best ways to search for hidden assets, and they can advocate on your behalf throughout the divorce process to make sure you will be able to reach a fair settlement. With the right attorney on your side, you can achieve an outcome to your case that will allow you to meet your financial needs in the coming years.

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If You Divorce You’ll Lose These 4 Benefits Of Marriage

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Marriage benefits both men and women when it comes to emotional health. In other words, married people are happier than single people. Especially divorced, single people who are dealing with the fallout that accompanies the divorce process. 

 

When marital problems rear their ugly head, most think first about divorce, not saving their marriage. Let’s face it, we live in a day and age of taking the easy way out. And, for some, divorce seems easier than putting effort into solving marital problems.

Those who seek divorce as the easy way out have never experienced divorce and are unaware of the fact that divorce is anything but the easy way out. Divorce, in most cases, doesn’t lessen marital conflict, it increases conflict!

There are benefits of marriage for you and your children that you lose if you choose to divorce. Taking the path of, what you believe, is the least resistant will rob you of those marital benefits.

I urge you if you are thinking about divorce, to reconsider. Especially if your marriage is absent of addiction, abuse and infidelity. There are many reasons to try and save your marriage instead of making a mad dash toward divorce court.

Below are 4 Benefits of Marriage That You’ll Lose Should You Divorce

1. Emotional Benefits of Marriage

Contrary to popular belief, marriage gives men and women an equal mental health boost.

In 1972, sociologist Jessie Bernard looked at symptoms of anxiety, depression, neurosis and passivity in married and unmarried people. She found that men were better off married than single and concluded that they got those benefits at the expense of women.

That became a central tenet of the women’s liberation movement in the 1970s and is still often cited. But psychologist David de Vaus from La Trobe University in Melbourne points out that Bernard’s research only looked at a narrow definition of stress. “It is well known that women are much more likely to score highly on those disorders,” he says. Most research has ignored the fact that a mental disorder can manifest itself in men in the form of drug and alcohol abuse, de Vaus claims.

So, in conclusion, marriage benefits both men and women when it comes to emotional health. In other words, married people are happier than single people. Especially divorced, single people who are dealing with the fallout that accompanies the divorce process.

2. Marriage can make you look younger

Copenhagen, Denmark, Jan 30, 2006 (UPI via COMTEX) — Danish researchers say a happy marriage and plenty of money can take years off of a person’s appearance.

The study, conducted by the University of Southern Demark, found that a married woman who has not spent much of the time in the sun could look at least seven years younger than a single woman. Also, marriage can make a woman look almost two years younger by the time she reaches middle age.

3. Financial reasons to stay married

Divorce often comes with a financial penalty: 47 percent of divorced people say divorce made their financial situation worse. In fact, respondents to the survey also reported that because of their divorce:

Children are affected financially as well. One poll found that 44 percent of people said it was extremely difficult to save for post-secondary education after divorce.

  • 35 percent had to go into debt.
  • 22 percent had to seek financial support from friends and family.
  • 28 percent had to sell household items or personal assets; and.
  • 27 percent had to sell or redeem financial investments.

4. Children of divorce are more likely to divorce

Children of divorced parents often vow not to repeat the same mistakes their parents did. They want to avoid putting themselves and their own children through the pain and stress that comes from divorce. But, according to University of Utah researcher Nicholas H. Wolfinger, these children’s aspirations face unfavorable odds.

“Growing up in a divorced family greatly increases the chances of ending one’s own marriage, a phenomenon called the divorce cycle or the intergenerational transmission of divorce,” says Wolfinger, assistant professor in the University of Utah’s Department of Family and Consumer Studies.

Wolfinger has spent a decade studying the marriages of children from divorced homes in America. These children are more likely to marry as teens, cohabitate and marry someone who is also a child of divorced parents. And they are also one-third less likely to marry if they are over age 20.

There are health, emotional and familial reasons to work on your marital problems instead of divorce. And, if you don’t believe me, talk to several divorced women. You will find that most are stressed out due to the financial burdens they carry. Haven’t found a new man who is better than the man they had and are overwhelmed with raising children on their own.

You don’t want to exchange one set of problems for another set of problems if there is a chance your marriage can be saved.

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