Dealing With Bad Facts in Your Divorce Case – Men’s Divorce Podcast

Dealing With Bad Facts in Your Divorce Case – Men’s Divorce Podcast

Cordell & Cordell Executive/Managing Partner, CEO Scott Trout and Chattanooga divorce attorney Kellan Potts discuss how to deal with inconvenient facts in your divorce case.

Many guys going through a divorce or child custody case will lie or try to hide facts about themselves that reflect poorly and could damage their case. However, that can backfire and cause even more harm.

Mr. Trout and Mr. Potts talk about the best way to go about disclosing those facts, particularly to your divorce attorney.

Click the link above to listen to the full podcast episode. Also make sure to subscribe to the podcast on iTunes or whichever podcast app you prefer.

The post Dealing With Bad Facts in Your Divorce Case – Men’s Divorce Podcast appeared first on Dads Divorce.

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I Couldn’t Heal After My Divorce Because I Kept Pretending I Wasn’t Hurt.

couldn't heal: concerned woman with head in hand

 

We live in a world with a lot of judgments. And life just isn’t always simple. God knows that getting divorced when you have children in common is far from simple.

When I get the look from people in my life about why I wanted to be a Life Coach to help other single moms, I am always met with a sideways glance that asks, “when are you going to get over your divorce?” It’s not an oral question asked, but rather just a look. A look that I have seen many times and one that I am quite familiar with.

Why am I so delayed in what appears to be my grief by focusing on divorced moms as a topic of discussion, let alone an additional career path?

I Couldn’t Heal Because I Kept Pretending I Wasn’t Hurt.

And my answer is, “I couldn’t heal because I kept pretending I wasn’t hurt.” I couldn’t focus on it at the appropriate time that one would deal with something as traumatic as divorce can be. I had two small babies that needed so much from me and I was so afraid that if I did indulge in the feelings of the true trauma of what happened to my life, I would never be able to find my way back.

It took my children to finally reach young adulthood for me to be able to take a much-needed pause and really look back over the shoulder of my past and see what I did wrong and what I did right. There were so many items that could fall into both of those buckets. And to be honest, pretending that I wasn’t hurt in a funny way served me well.

If I could look at my life and pretend I wasn’t alone, pretend I wasn’t scared, pretend I wasn’t daunted, and pretend I wasn’t the only one in my family divorced…well maybe it was by that alone that I somehow survived. After all, isn’t “playing and pretending” one of the first skills we learn as children? I was and always have been so good at putting on a brave face and pushing through to get to the other side of something. But who I am today as a result of this is far from being the “Great Pretender”.

Look closely at the present you are constructing. It should look like the future you are dreaming. Alice Walker

Being somebody I didn’t became all too easy for me. And in those years while I was pretending, I realized that I was piece by piece becoming a new me. I was slowly becoming reborn. In the years of feeling victimized by my ex-husband or the woman who took him from us or the bosses that couldn’t understand the weight of my responsibilities at home, or the family members who couldn’t understand me at all or the boyfriend who couldn’t understand why he was not the center of my universe….well, it all just made me find my voice and find enough strength to yell ENOUGH!

I don’t owe my ex-husband comfort in being a compliant ex-wife.

I don’t owe his concubine my nervous system and shattered heart.

I don’t owe my boss any explanations about my personal life when I’m one of his top performers.

I don’t owe my family members a weekly program as to what was happening in my life and I don’t owe any boyfriend anything at all.

What I do know is that I deserve and have earned respect from each and every one of those people by the sacrifices I and my children had made in order to secure their comfort levels. I owe only to me. I owe it to myself to love and approve of the person I have become.

In order to love who you are, you cannot hate the experiences that shaped you.

I have experienced more life than most of the people I know. Or at least it feels as though I have. And yet when I try to remember things that happened, I only remember them in a wash of grey. I don’t really remember the details that well. I do think that this is actually a byproduct of trauma and how we cope.

Or at least it seemingly is how I coped. Today, when I speak with women who have been through the trials of divorce and are coping with being a single parent, I get as much comfort in talking with them, as they do when talking with me. I do tend to ask myself periodically, what wisdom do I have and what can I impart upon the legions of single moms that seek my help?

The first message I receive from single moms is that they feel alone and frightened but cannot show it for fear that their children may pick up on this. They also feel that their friends and family will feel pressured to have to help, so they don’t show any neediness and they don’t ask for help. They don’t want to appear vulnerable to anyone. We straddle two worlds as divorced moms. One of being heartbroken and the other of being the strong women we are required to be, by virtue of today’s standards. We are required to feel like Rosie the Riveter 24/7 flexing our strong muscles and being somehow invincible.

The first thing I want to make clear to each and every one of the women I meet with shortly after saying hello, is that they are validated, and their feelings are real. And we start from there. No need to put on airs. My sign says, “Leave your cape at the door. Superheroes not required here.” Often times while we “pretend” we do so in an effort to make those around us more comfortable. And we do so at our own peril.

Be thankful for the wrong relationships. They teach you, change you, strengthen you and prepare you for the right one.

Divorce hurts. Whether you initiated it or not, it still hurts.

It hurts if you were cheated on.

It hurts if you fell out of love.

It hurts you, your parents, your siblings…. anyone who thought your marriage was the model union of which my tribe all thought.

But it also really hurts our children if we don’t address this kick to our hearts.

I admit I didn’t handle my broken heart well because I just didn’t address it at all.  I just felt so erased and in a split second the home and the family we were building meant nothing. I was hurt. My husband left me for another woman weeks after our second child was born. I was hurt. I lost my husband, my best friend, my entire nervous system, my financial security, and my sanity. I was hurt. But, I never addressed it.

I do have the luxury of wisdom now. I do know what I did wrong, and what I did right. I have learned lessons that can indeed be shared. I know… heartbreak or not, I did marry the wrong man. He wasn’t a bad man, just the wrong man. I was the wrong woman for him too. He never meant to hurt me. He is not a man without a heart. He was just a lost man who needed someone else to ride out the rest of his life with. I get it now.

I also know that whether there is a right one for me or not, I am still growing, learning, and evolving. And the woman I am today doesn’t operate to make everyone else comfortable first. She accepts herself and expresses herself and gladly shares her sense of wisdom with anyone who wants to listen. And it’s okay if they don’t.

Being a Life Coach to divorced moms is a calling that was meant to be. There are few things in this world I feel more passionate about. I will never be able to forget the trauma of my divorce and that’s okay. The memories I have are a mixture of good and horrible all in one. But they serve to perhaps help other women not experience some of the broken pieces I had to endure.

And if they do, we can work together to rebuild. If at the very least I can make them feel less alone and a little more whole, I will have done what I set out to do. And I make no further explanations to anyone on that.

The post I Couldn’t Heal After My Divorce Because I Kept Pretending I Wasn’t Hurt. appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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Recovering From the Intertwining Challenges of Divorce and COVID-19

Recovering From the Intertwining Challenges of Divorce and COVID-19

As you focus on your finances, your family, and your health while your marriage comes to an end, remember that a divorce lawyer can help ease your stress by advising and representing you through any legal challenges that you may face.

The post Recovering From the Intertwining Challenges of Divorce and COVID-19 appeared first on Divorce Magazine.

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How Divorce Can Affect Your Buying And Selling Options

How Divorce Can Affect Your Buying And Selling Options

Divorce can cause a lot of financial stress, particularly if a couple is unsure of what to do with the marital home. Here are your options.

The post How Divorce Can Affect Your Buying And Selling Options appeared first on Divorce Magazine.

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18 Tips For Successful Co-Parenting

18 Tips For Successful Co-Parenting

 

Co-parenting after divorce is challenging but doable with planning focused on the children’s needs.

Agreement on rules for co-parenting is key, setting up guidelines for both parents, and having a constructive and productive dialogue with your ex is crucial for forming an effective co-parenting relationship.

Tips for successful co-parenting

Raising children is already hard work, so you can only imagine how much harder it becomes with joint custody.  So, make it easier by planning, reaching an agreement, and keeping communications open.

Shared parenting after divorce can greatly impact the mental and emotional well-being of children, which is why the entire divorce process should be healthy and mess-free. Begin the journey of co-parenting by addressing the issue during the divorce process.

No longer husband and wife.

The relationship with your former spouse changes when you start co-parenting with your ex.

The focus of your “relationship” is now the connection you have as your kid’s other parent. It’s important to emphasize that your children hold more importance to you than the conflict that resulted in ending your marriage.

Demonstrate to your kids that your love for them will prevail through effective and persuasive dialogues with your ex. While no co-parent can give a concrete answer to what is a perfect relationship with their former partner, here are co-parenting tips that make the process uncomplicated.

1. Set co-parenting boundaries.

After being officially divorced from your partner, you’ll have to set co-parenting boundaries and ground rules to start building a new working dynamic of your family. These include keeping things businesslike and establishing conversational limits. Your ex doesn’t need to know every detail of your personal life if it doesn’t involve your children and vice versa. Setting these boundaries will help avoid future co-parenting conflicts and introduce new behavioral guidelines that both parents must follow.

2. Focus on healing yourself to prepare for co-parenting with your ex.

To become a good co-parent to your child, remember to own your role in ending your marriage and reflect back on your mistakes to move on to the next chapter of your life.

3. Create a family plan for your children along with your former partner.

Write out a document depicting the details of your family plan for your children. Create the co-parenting plan with the best interests of your kids in mind. Outline specific aspects of how much time the kids will be spending time with your co-parent, how the children’s schedule will be after the divorce, as well as how co-parenting conflicts will be resolved.

4. Don’t project your anger and resentment onto your children.

It’s almost impossible to immediately bounce back after getting a divorce—especially if your former partner was abusive. However, if you do end up getting joint custody, remember to love your child more than you hate your ex-partner. Set aside any anger, resentment, or hurt for the sake of your children and put forward their happiness, stability, and future well-being.

5. Don’t use your kids against their parents.

Nothing good ever comes out of bad-mouthing your ex-partner. Even if your former spouse was the worst to you, never insult them in front of your children. Do not vent your frustrations about your co-parent to your kids—you make them conflicted and leave the impression that they must take sides. Keep your children out of your co-parenting conflicts.

6. Don’t use them as a messenger either.

If you use your kids to pass on messages to your former spouse, you’re essentially avoiding having dialogues with your ex and putting your children in the center of your co-parenting conflict.

One of the most important co-parenting tips to keep in mind is to make your relationship with your ex-partner as peaceful as possible. No sending passive-aggressive messages, especially through your kids.

7. Create a sense of security for your children.

In unsure times like these, it’s crucial to make your children feel safe and secure. Do your best to put them first, even if it requires involving mediation in the divorce proceedings.

Remember to also allow your kids to have power in your co-parenting relationship—encourage them to take some of their things to your former partner’s house, let them know it’s okay to want to stay with them. Always assure them that both co-parents love them equally and they’re not to blame for your separation.

8. Focus on bettering your communication with your ex-spouse.

The key to having an effective co-parenting relationship is improving your communication with your ex-spouse. Calm, consistent, and calculated dialogue with your ex helps to positively impact your relationship with your kids.

Don’t forget to make your children the focus of your conversations. While it may seem impossible to be on good terms with your former spouse, your goal is to have conflict-free dialogues with your ex for the sake of your kids.

9. Make visitations and transitions easy for your children.

Being a child who frequently moves from one household to another is overwhelming. You’re saying “hello” to one parent and “goodbye” to the other. Make these transitions easier for your kids by reminding them they’ll be leaving for the other parent’s house a few days before the visit. Another useful co-parenting tip for these situations is dropping off your children instead of picking them up—you wouldn’t want to interrupt a special moment.

10. Be a flexible parent to avoid co-parenting conflicts.

While being a strict parent is necessary to establish behavioral guidelines and set agreed rules for children, it doesn’t hurt to chill out every now and then.

So what if you co-parent dropped off your kids 30 minutes late? When you compromise and let minor things slide, your former partner is more likely to become equally flexible in the future.

11. Keep in mind that fair doesn’t necessarily mean equal in co-parenting.

Since your children divide their time between co-parents, the time you spend with them is limited and precious. Sometimes, it’ll seem like your co-parent is organizing extra-curricular activities when the kids are supposed to be spending that time with you.

Learn to refrain from starting co-parenting conflicts in these situations by seeing the bigger picture—what works for you may not be in your children’s best interest. Support your kids at all times.

12. Respect your children’s time with their other parent.

Simultaneously, respect each other’s parenting time. Let your kids spend quality time with the other parent without disturbing or potentially sabotaging their time. Acknowledge your former partner’s authority to your children, whether or not you agree with every decision they make.

Successfully co-parenting after divorce is possible when both parties respect the fact that each co-parent has the best interests of the kids in every decision they make.

13. Plan regular co-parenting meetings.

Have regular check-ins with your former partner not only to form an effective co-parenting relationship but to also improve your communication with your ex-spouse. The co-parental meetings should revolve around your children’s schedule after the divorce, as well as their health and well-being.

Keep the meetings brief and to the point—take to each other with respect and listen to what you both have to say.  Take notes and share them with your ex so there is no confusion on what was discussed and what was agreed to.

14. Don’t expect your co-parent to strictly follow your rules.

Although you might have a specific approach regarding raising your children, your co-parent might disagree with certain aspects of your methods. They might let them do things—not necessarily dangerous or unsafe—that you don’t normally allow them to do.

Your co-parent might let your kids stay past their bedtime or allow them to have ice cream at late night hours. Abide by the agreed rules for your children, but don’t expect to strictly follow them at all times.

15. Share your children’s photos of important events with your co-parent.

No parent wants to miss their children’s birthday, graduation, or any other important life event on purpose. However, if you or your co-parent happen to miss a certain event, do send pictures of the occasion to make them feel they’re a part of the family.

Don’t trigger co-parenting conflicts and accuse them of deliberately not attending the event. Try to understand where they’re coming from and why they can’t come to the occasion. After all, they’re also your kids’ parent and they deserve to be a part of their lives.

16. Make important family decisions with your co-parent present.

Unless your co-parent is abusing their power over your children, do not make necessary decisions regarding your kids without your ex-spouses’ input. Hold a brief discussion about the subject before meeting your co-parent to explain further.

Avoid sending one-sided emails or messages to your co-partner in these cases—words may get lost in translation in texts and emails and your effective co-parenting relationship may be compromised.

17. Establish a support system for shared parenting after divorce

Co-parenting after divorce may get overwhelming, so don’t hesitate to reach out to friends and family to help you overcome these difficult times. Having joint custody with your ex-spouse can be paralyzing, but as long as you know you have a support network, moving forward becomes doable.

18. Create a fresh co-parenting plan when new partners are introduced to the family dynamic.

You can’t stick to the same co-parenting plan forever. Children grow up, you introduce new parenting methods, and eventually, new people become a part of your family. Go over the co-parenting plan with your ex-spouse to change or add new behavioral guidelines and further discuss new co-parenting boundaries.

Joint custody arrangements can be stressful when you don’t have an effective co-parenting relationship. Stress, exhaustion, and trauma might get the best of you. However, co-parenting plans can be created early on in the divorce process.

Have fruitful and productive dialogues with your ex and come up with a family plan for the children with the presence of a divorce mediator.

Make joint custody work, enable your kids to thrive, and incorporate as many co-parenting tips as you can in your everyday routine to make life after divorce effective and contented.

 

The post 18 Tips For Successful Co-Parenting appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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Standing Orders in Family Law – Men’s Divorce Podcast

Standing Orders in Family Law – Men’s Divorce Podcast

Cordell & Cordell Executive/Managing Partner, CEO Scott Trout and Jacksonville divorce attorney Christina Wilford discuss the topic of standing family law orders.

Ms. Wilford outlines what purpose standing orders serve in family law and explains why they are important. They then discuss how they can be a pitfall for many guys going through the divorce process.

Click the link above to listen to the full podcast episode. Also make sure to subscribe to the podcast on iTunes or whichever podcast app you prefer.

The post Standing Orders in Family Law – Men’s Divorce Podcast appeared first on Dads Divorce.

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Is Your Divorce Lawyer a Crook or Part of a Criminal Organization ?

Lawsuit Uses A.I. To Catch Divorce Attorneys Stealing From Women, the Elderly and Independent Tech Guys

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If you have to ask if your attorney fee bills look right, it’s probably too late.  Divorce attorneys Hector and Marilyn Moreno along with a number of judges, cops and dirty divorce lawyers were sued in federal court during the 2020 pandemic related to COVID-19. The Plaintiff in the case used artificial intellegence, “AI”. to show the relationship between domestic violence and divorce cases and how attorneys in Santa Clara County are using those cases to  fund a criminal organization that opoerates in California  by selling the family homes and getting cops to write false police reports about domestic violence. The suit names the legal legacy Moreno siblings and Hector Moreno’s  son, Micheal Moreno, who left the Santa Clara County DA’s  office to set up shop with his aunt Marilyn with cases being funneled to them  through Campbell’s Home Church, non- profits and police officers working for the Gilroy , Los Gatos and Los Altos police.  

Former Santa Clara County prosecutor, Cindy Hendrickson, who conspired with  DA Jeff Rosen and Stanford University law professor Michele Dauber  to rig the Santa Clara County 2018 election such that she replaced Judge Aaron Persky on the local bench,  is related to the Morenos through marriage and since she was elected, Hendrickson has been sitting in the county’s domestic violence court where she appears to be part of a criminal organization trafficking children and rigging divorce cases based on Hendrickson’s connections to the DA’s office and the founder of a charity, Ruth Pattrick Darlene, who runs a scam charity that  serves  only ” affluent ” vicitms , and that really operates to dragnet divorce cases for attorneys working for what appears to be a criminal organization operating in plain sight with impunity. 

Brent Ostler’s federal case reveals a pattern and practice cops,  divorce lawyers and judges engage in to rig divorce cases and fund bribes, fines, fees and sanctions for the benefit of the operation. These illegal payments and public corruption is funded with equity from  the family home, where court ” Settlement Conference Officer” Sharon Roper uses her power to appoint  Intero Real Estate agents and lock in home equity that is express delivered  to the IOLTA trust accounts of lawyers working for the enterprise,  while engaging in antitrust activity that is prohibited by state and federal law. 

Ostler’s  federal lawsuits name the Santa Clara County District Attorney Jeff Rosen, the Gilroy Police Department and private judge Sharon Roper who works as an attorney for the courts, in addition to the divorce lawyers and Intero agents Roper reguallry appoints to assure a flow of illegal commissions to Intero Real Estate and Berkshire Hathaway.  Roper also feeds the enterprise referrals as the court’s ” Settlment Conference Officer” , where James Cox is appointed to the most corrupt cases, including the divore case of Intero founder John Thompson and retired judge Mary Ann Grilli, who appointed more cusotdy evaluatiors, referees, special masters, private jduges and minor’s counsel for the enterprise than any other judge in California’s history, where Judge Hendrickson, Judge Towery and Judge Scott are closing in fasted based on being enternched in the court and public corruption based on connections to the DA’s office. Following the death of her husband, Roper has reportedly carved out a new lookout postion inside the court where she funnels referrals, but also made up the title of temporary judge for ” Real Estate” , which is ourely made up.  

Discovery in Osteler’s federal case has reportedly found government attorneys  working overtime to shred  documents , complaints and emails in order  avoid discovery in the case. These governmetn attorneys and elected officials ( Susan Ellenberg, Mike Wasserman and Cindy Chavez) have been telling insiders Ostler’s case was brought in pro se, and will not survive in a manner that will ever be dicovered. Ward Penfold, Kim Hara, Micheal Rossi and risk managerment employee for the county, Matt Fisk, were captured on a recordings reportedly held  in the offices of tax attorney Ronda Edgar, scheming  to destroy evidence and deflect criminal investigations that include investigating money laundering and tax evasion scehemes connected to real estate transactions and divorce cases. 

Intero Attorney Heather Wang Linked to Weed , Sex & Corruption- LA & OC

    In a related case,  Ostler filed against Intero Real Estate agents, a company  affliated with Berkshire Hathaway. The suit names Intero attorney  Heather Wang, who is  reportedly running  blackmarket real estate scams  connected to the LA and Organge County’s drug and sex trafficking rings operating through private judge cases before Keith Dolnick, Shelia Sonenshine, Tom Tuttle and David Weinberg.

Dolnick links the enterprise to out-of-state crimes discovered in Arizona, Texas and Florida, where the Santa Clara County DA employee Kasey Halcon  is known to traffic vicitms  so they can not be found and brought to  testify against police officers, lawyers , judges and other ” justice partners” operating the enterprise with the knowledge and assistance of court insiders.

Dirty cops,  divorce lawyers, CPS workers, private businesses  and even non- profit or charity organiations , along with court clerks, judges, private paraleagals and top ranking employees at the state bar  are the gatekeepers allowing  this criminal conduct to persist over the past 20 years, leaving families bankrupted and homeless, and divorce attorneys , dirty cops and judges wealthy with secret assets and ghost properties that never make to to their form 700 disclosures to the public. 

Acting under the color of law, dirty divorce  attorneys  funded their criminality with home equity found in family homes, charity donations to Women SV and  state and federal grants paid under the Violence Against Women Act. San Jose and Los Gatos police officer associations reportedly use paralegals, attorneys and bookkeepers to “manage” the day to day operation and money laundering scheme , according to recordings found on attorneys Elise Mitchell, Mark Erickson, Carlos Martinez, Michelle Hales, Christina Adames, Jason Pintar, Richard Roggia, Laura Perry, Annie Fortino, David Patton, Walter Hammon, Hector Moreno, Natalie Depril, Rebekha Frye, Lynne Yates Carter, Tracey Duell Cazes, Heather Allan, Sean Onderick, Ronda Edgar, John Hannon,  and Bill Dresser as secreted by attorney Sydney Hall. These recordings  are the blueprint for  the criminal organization operating in plain sight in the state’s family court cases and filings. 

Over the past 10 years, as trained by attorney and MFT, Valerie Houghton,  attorneys are known for  secretly and illegally  recording in their offices,  and in  court, in order to line out bribes owed to judges, cops, court staff, court reporters  and court appointed experts that result in  court orders and fees that fuel the operation in Santa Clara . As it has since 20002, when Judge William Danser got caught for doing it with Los Gatos Police in traffic court cases.

 
MOVING CORRUPTION TO ORANGE COUNTY MONEY AND HOME EQUITY SCAMS


The operation  expanded to Organge County in 2012, after  attorney Keith Dolnick and court CEO David Yamasaki formally joined forces. The enterprise became  unstoppable its players got Judge Persky Recalled, and Judge Hendrickson appointed to replace him as she also maintained  her position on the Santa Clara County Domestic Violence Council. These public positions provided for the rigging of legal outcomes and kept the flow of state and federal money pouring in to county coeffers as the pandemic dried up tax income that supports the count courts and DAs office. 

Also on the council are attorney Nicole Ford and Victim Witness ” Director” Kasey Halcon, who have assured bribes for local cops and judges that keep them in a quasi political office and their boss, and head of the mob, DA Jeff Rosen, in office. Ford , and Halcon have personally acted to protect bad cops with the Gilroy, Los Gatos and San Jose police department who are known to be beating spouses, selling child porn and covering their criminality up in the county’s divorce courts, as is a common practice for dirty cops, judges, and lawyers. 


Dirty Lawyers – What they Look  Like To Families, Children and Orphans: Attorney Rebekah Frye Killed Her Client , Collects Fees, And Told Her Cleints: 
                                           “We Own the Los Gatos Police” . 

Frye was the attorney known for causing her client to jump off an overpass, then collecting $800,000 in fees from her estate with imposter Vietnam Veteran  and now retired attorney Brad Baugh, who continues to be paid from the operation. 

When attorney Frye handled the divorce case of powerful tech executive Don Henja in the early 2000s , she slipped the case directly into the enterprise. She got her own client on paid supervised visitation, and racked up nearly $800,000 in legal fees in no time at all, eyeing the Los Altos home equity that throwing the case in Don’s favor would seek to assure. But in March  of 2003, Gloria suprised the criminal attorneys she had gotten mixed up with when she climbed onto a Silicon Valley overpass  and took her own life by jumping on to Highway 101. Shortly before she jumped, she was heard  telling a friend she had been fired to from her tech job at Oracle. Without it , she would not be able to afford to keep her attorney, or pay the supervised visation and court appointed custody evalautors to see her own children, as the enterprise demanded. 

Even in death Gloria had no peace. Frye had her heirs rummage through the house the night Gloria died, and Frye came along for the break in, taking all evidence that could expose the enterprise before Gloria’s husband Don could return to the family home. Frye then hired attorney Brad Baugh to drag the case out in divorce and probate court another 5 years. When it was finally moved into private judging before Neville Spadafore, Baugh and Frye got ever dime of the $800,000 in fees from the estate Gloria had anticipated would go to her children.  

State Bar Ignores Attorney Crime 

​California State Bar 
Does Little
When
​It Comes  to
Protecting the Public
From 
Divorce Lawyers
​Engaged in
​Criminal Conduct. 

​Court files in the federal case brought by  Ostler claims to have been prepared using  Artificial Intellegence and scapping  court dockets  to reveal the uselessness of the state bar and the willingness of state bar officials to allow attorney crime to harm families and children.with impunity. State Bar executives Suzanne Grant and Vanessa Holton have reportedly been shredding complaints and diverting attention from the criminal organziation operating in Santa Clara county with the help of Judge James Towery, former chief trial counsel at the state bar. According to recordings, and papers leaked by attorney Elise Mitchell through local process servers and preists operating pedo rings in local San Jose private Catholic  schools, the enterprise expanded to Organe County where Judge Dolnick works behind the scenes with appeallate attorney Garrett Daily and Keith Dolnick, his brother, to  assure deposits in attorney IOLTA trust accounts that pay off the state bar insiders to bury their complaints and misdeeds as was done for Thomas Giardi over the past 10 years. 

Ostler however could never detect all the cases that would evidence the pattern he alleges, as the courts have secreted the dockets and information from the public domain that Ostler would need to have access to. The most secreted cases appear to come from the enterprise, as plotted and planned by attorney Elise Mithcell, WomenSV Founder Ruth Patrick Darlene, and Judge Hendrickson , who has accepted bribes through her Moreno family connections, as arranged by attorney Sean Onderick and an network of paralegals, bookkeepers and legal secretaries working legtimately in the family law community to conceal their criminality from being discovered by the press, or public. 

How they Get Away With It: The Lawyers & Paralegals 


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Divorce attorneys commit terrible crimes and are never criminally prosecuted. They abuse, bilk and cheat their clients  and rarely will a   local DA, Judge or    State Bar do anything about it.  

Divorce attorney Carlos Martinez stole from clients, botched their cases, and violated court orders. But Martinez, much like other divorce lawyers across the state, acted as an informant for the DA,  and supported Jeff Rosen’s political career, so he was able to engage in criminality with immpunity. When the bar had evidence of Martinez’s unethcial and criminal conduct, they offered him a permanent vacation, or rather confidential discipline designed to conceal his criminality through a bogus probation period where he continued his criminality cases up and down the state. 

As a civil, family law and appeal attorney,  Carlos Martinez has represented some of the county’s biggest criminals. He is connected to  cases through attorney,   Brad Baugh, whose perjury was ignored by the Santa Clara, Contra Costa and Alameda County District Attorneys. Papers found during the investitaiton of DA Mark Peterson, revealed the criminal organization, but protestors at the time were just happy to see Mark Peterson indicted, disbarred and stripped of his pension, 

Walnut Creek based forensic CPA Charles Burak, operates through the local bar in Contra Costa  and Santa Clara County where he has joined the organzation with  forensic CPAs Mike Thompson, James Butera and Sally White. These CPAs make up false reports for the benefit of the enterprise, where and  court appointments give them qualified immunity  and protection from California’s toothless consumer protection agencies such as the state bar, the Department of Real Estate, the Board of Psycology and the Board of Accountancy. The work of the CPAs and the criminality of the lawyers is concealed from the taxing authorities by attorneys including  Sean Onderick and tax attorney Ronda Edgar, who handles money laundering for lawyers working in Santa Clara , Santa Cruz and Monterey counties. Sean Onderick , who works in Edgar’s offices, but does not hang out his shingle, connects the tax issues with the real estate  and malpractice civil cases brought by attorneys Bill Dresser, John Hannon and Sydney Hall , where Onderick appears to have immunity from being sued for malpracitice. Nonetheless , he has demanded clients pay him in cash, money orders and even sex that is secreted from his second wife, a former client who allegedly broke up his first marriage. 

While operating out of the building that houses private judge and mediation busienss  JAMs , the offices of private judge Richard Roggia and the law firm Hoge Fenton, Martinez reportedly provides paralegals and investigators to the organization when he is comfortable these professionals are willing to  launder  money to  attorneys, court reporters and private security firms with funds coming from cash, gift cards, Bitcoin deposits or liens on equity familes have in their homes such that they are untraceable.

San Martin resident, Margie Russo, worked as a paralegal in the law offices of Richard Roggia, a Gilroy based attorney who moved to the San Jose JAMS building to funnel business for the organization to  B-level attorneys in the form of  private judge appointments JAMS attorneys did not want.   Russo, used her position to get ” secondary employment  as a ” bookkeeper ” for the clients connected to  Roggia’s firm. Margie’s job was to deflect media attention by  monitoring  mainstream and social media accounts for potential leaks and new business for the organization, while secretly recording court hearings  and hacking  the phones of their client’s former spouse in a manner that  assured a steady stream of income flowed  off the books in the form of ghost income benefiting the organization and its players.  Margie also reportedly did the books for Intero Real Estate’s black market transactions, and for Tanimura and Antle’s farming operatings where seed counterfiting  and human trafficking rings operated through farmers located up and down the Salinas Valley and in Yuma , AZ. where  divorce cases were rigged by Hoge Fenton’s sister firm.  Fenton Keller.   

Mitchell Papers and secret recordings  leaked by attorney Elise Mitchell through  local process servers and clients doing ” free consults”  reveal Margie  helped develop  a string of B-list attorneys, real estate investors  and other professionals  willing to look the other way, as she arranged bribes that would come in the form of equity in the family home, cash payments or ” special loans” arranged through lending expert Shelia Pott, in Saratoga, or John and Tim Filice down in Gilroy, all protected in their criminality by Jeff Rosen, the state’s most corrupt DA, who is always on the take.  By 2018,  judges on the take got special home equity lines that were paid off by attorneys appointed  by public judges to act as private judges or attorneys appointed to  represent children, where they incited conflict and assured payments to the enterprise would continue.

Margie (Burbank) Russo assured  payments to labor contractors, real estate agents and contractors  working in a blackmarket for Intero , private security companies  capable of spying on vicitms seeking help from  adovocates,  and local charities claiming to assist  alleged domestic violence vicitms, while operating a criminal organization and moving millions out of the home equity belonging to California families, and to attorney fees or payments benefitting  the organization.

According to sources close to Margie Russo’s former husband “special bookkeeping services” Margie offered,  include arraging sex favors for high paying  clients,  and other  invaluable services  to the organization. Russo’s help and that offered from secretary Michelle Harper, wife of vocational examiner Tim Harper,  as well as  paralegals in Walter Hammon’s office , reportedly  paid for the operation of  Gilroy’s blackmarket  real estate scams, human trafficking and pedo rings that operated out of rental properties managed by Filice and  that was funded with hard money loans assured by prominent real estate dedvelopers  Tim and John Filice , as well as Tim Fortinio who reportedly used  “Edward Jones Investments” in Gilroy to launder large sums of undisclosed investments for the enterprise. Powerful real estate developer John Sobrato took lead on funding pedo operations through Santa Clara University as connected to family courts. where SCU ” Innocence Project ” attorney Karyn Sininu Towery serves as lookout to protect the organzation from any possible threats. 

Settlment offers  related to another federal claim against  the  enterprise appears to indicate imposter Intero real estate broker associate Patty Filice and John Filice’s neice , Courtnee Westendorf,  used  Gilroy’s Glen Loma  real estate project to secret ghost real estate transactions and launder money through  labor contractors connected to Gilroy wineries and Salinas Valley’s agricultural market. In 2020 the organization took in PPP loans made by the federal government  during the pandemic as the organization was stealing family homes, bankrupting spouses and profiting from the abuse of children living in Silicon Valley and surrounding farming towns. 

Russo is reportedly continuing in her criminality based out of the San Jose firm of Richard E. Glaze. 


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Mitchell Papers and notes from Russo show that from 2002  through 2020, the organization first used Sheila Pott’s connections at Washington Mutual and Bank of America for their operation, but then moved to  Pinnacle Bank , in order to assure loans to judges  were paid off by attorneys who demanded Intero real estate agents give them 30% kickbacks after judges ordered the sale of a family home during a divorce case. and appointed Intero real estate agents to manage those  sales. In 2017 unlicsensed Intero agent Patty Filice was appointed to the Pinnacle Board, where insiders at the SEC and Department of Real Estate knew Filice was operating without proper licensing to assure tranactions on the black market would not be revealed to the public, or regulatory authorities in a manner that would result in investigations that could reveal the organization. This all occured as Ostler filed his fededral case in pro per and caught them all off gaurd, 

Prior to the filing of Ostler’s federal case, . Pinnacle Bank openly assisted in laundering loans, fees and home equity through the  community bank as funds were brought to the organization through the  bank’s board member and top ranking blackmarket sales agent, Patty Filice, who joined the operation with the help of John Thompson’s connections to the LDS church back in 2015. Thompson, founder of the Cupertino Intero franchise,  has been protected by insiders in the federal government who act as special invesgtigators and prosecutors for the DOJ, When these insiders are involved in their own divorce cases, the organization quickly moves them into private judging  before B-list attorneys James Cox, Ed Mills, Richard Rogga, Micheal Smith and court attorney Sharon Roper, who effectively act for the sole purpose of  concealing asssets from an innocent spouse and converting the home and business equity of community estates to the profits of what has become a criminal operation acting in the state’s wealthiestcommunities during divorce, probate and custody proceedings.  

James Cox worked for the courts back in the early 2000s and while he was there he pretended to operate  as the court’s Settlement Conference Officer. In actuality  Cox  was  setting up Silicon Valley’s blackmarket divorce lists. This means middle -class divorce cases went to B list attorneys, and the wealthier families were ushered through the A list of attorneys which includes retired superior court judges. such as Catherine Gallager, Barbara Spector and Mark Pierce, all contracted with JAMS. 

Cox was  appointed in the divorce case of Intero Founder John Thompson, where Thompson  racked up millions in unreported fees from commissions, and PPP loans fradulently taken during the global pandemic. And while he charged excessive fees to the organziation’s “clients”, the organization’s participants, including court attorney Lisa Herrick, former city attorney in San Jose, where she protected bad San Jose cops,  got special deals and protections for their children that were secreted by the court in secret dockets. 


Court Attorney Lisa Herrick Benefits From Criminal Organization Leader James Cox  in Divorce From William Rice 

More Cop Connections:
Spector, Wasserman, Los Gatos PD, & 
Judge Towery Took Over for Danser After Sinunu and Rosen Got Him  Stripped Of His Pension

 She 
Santa Clara County  Family Court Presiding Judge Julie Emede has been protecting absuive cops since she worked in the local Sheriff’s Department for the county’s “family violence” programs. She protected cops who wrote bad police reports, cops who abused their spouses and cops who molested their own children when those cops landed in the county’s family courts. Since that time , Emede has been protecting the judicary  and the Los Gatos police, while  working to keep anyone who questions a judge, dismissed as being either “crazy” or “disgrunted”. Emede also is known to refer  the ex wives of cops to the  non- profit WomenSV, an organization decribed by a number of DV “clients” as operating more like  a training program for divorce attorneys getting more in fee awards just as  they were taught by Judge Towery and now Justice Mary Greenwood back on April 28, 2017.  

” When we got reffered to Women SV , we found ” therapy” sessions run by this super creepy looking woman who was always passing out a wooden donation box and getting referrals for a private judges and DV case scams that landed in court assignments  before  Judge Emede, Judge Towery, Judge Arand, Judge Grilli, Judge Stewart, Judge Chiarello, Judge Hyashi, Judge Pierce and Judge Drew Takaichi in public court.  

Years before she became the first openly gay judge in Santa Clara County, Julie Emede was protecting dirty cops, celebrity sports figures, real estate agents and Silicon Valley tech executives willing to pay for justice. One Santa Clara County Sherifff Deputy, and former San Jose Police Officer got caught with child porn on his computer, and Emede helped cover it up as the cop entered into his own personal  divorce case. 

As former president of the local bar, Emede pronounced early on she would protect judges , no matter how dirty, from ” disgruntled ” litigants and lawyers who questioned the competency of any judge. Emede was involved in the second divorce case of Judge James Towery, and she knew his secrets, which elevated her power as  the county’s family court presiding judge. 

Judge Emede reportedly  told divorcing couples to use Intero agent Terry Houghton to sell the family home. She thwarted the media when Judge Chiarello appointed  corrupt and incompetent minor’s counsel that  sent a young girl to live with the father who raped, drugged and killed her ,afterwhich  Judge Emede told reporters from the San Jose Mercury it was fine, “we just missed the signs”.

Attorney Kathryn  Schlepphorst , Emede’s former law partner, continues to act as the biggest asset for the criminal enterprise operating in the county’s local courts. She whispers in the ears of judges, keeps watch over referrals of cases, and looks for leaks that could expose the outright racketering that has harmed countless California families with the full knowledge of the state’s most powerful lawyers and judges. 

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Divorce Attorney Elise Mitchell's Private Files Document Blow Jobs to Judges

Dirty Divorce Lawyers Use Pandemic To Increase Profits

We want to hear from families involved in divorce, custody or domestic violence cases during the 2021 pandemic. Tell us about: 

  • Access to court hearings by phone, or Zoom
  • How judges behaved in a case. 
  • Complaints filed to the Commission on Judicial Performance, State Bar or local presiding judge. 
  • Outrageous court orders.
  • How the lawyers behaved. 
  • Court reporters.
  • Discovery 
  • Any depositions held during the 20-21 pandemic. 
  • Court filings when clerk offices were closed. 
  • Experts who are paid to testify in court. 
  • Taxes 
  • Child Support 
  • Language Barriers

If you have recordings or videos of lawyers , judges , or court appointed experts in your case, please end them along with a brief description as to what the recording shows. 

Tell us the county, and name the judges , lawyers and court appointed experts. Please limit other information , it will not be read. We will contact you if any of the above issues are addressed. 

If you have recorded supervised visitation centers, or reunification camps and therapists, or of an attorney engaging in abusive conduct, please let us know. 

Email: CalJohnQPublic @Gmail.com

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Narcissistic Injury In Family Court

Narcissists suffer from what the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders defines as narcissistic injury:

    “… vulnerability in self-esteem which makes narcissistic people very sensitive to ‘injury’ from criticism or defeat. Although they may not show it outwardly, criticism may haunt these individuals and may leave them feeling humiliated, degraded, hollow and empty. They react with disdain, rage, or defiant counterattack.”

To a narcissist, separation or divorce is both criticism and defeat. Even if they are the ones who chose to end the relationship. They will view you as the one who abandoned them by not being the “saviour” they needed you to be, which they interpret as rejection and defeat.

It can make leaving a narcissistic relationship incredibly difficult.

You stay and continue to be demeaned, controlled and diminished.

You leave and be attacked.

They will use a range of tactics to exact their revenge with the most powerful being turning the children against you and using Family Court to punish you.

This hits you financially, emotionally, energetically and spiritually.

Narcissist do not easily recover from narcissistic injury. They aren’t the “forgive and forget” type. They will hold this grudge for eternity and drag you back and forth through Family Court despite the expense.

They may not always be the ones turning to court though, they could completely abandon the system and take their own form of justice – what they say is true (another narcissistic classic). This results in victims having to continually return to court for access to children, to enforce orders and even to make basic decisions.

In court, narcissistic injury presents as cleverly executed counterattacks – you hit them, they raise the bar with a fresh allegation. Every effort you make to be treated equally is met with retaliation. All designed to get you to submit.

So how do you overcome this relentless pursuit of “justice” (a very distorted “eye for an eye” philosophy)?

My top tips for handling narcissistic injury in the court process are:

  1. Stay focused on your goal – don’t get drawn into their game. They want you to be tied up in the sheer volume of allegations and threats so that you can’t prove the truth
  2. Keep your emotions in check – this behaviour is an attempt by the narcissist to self soothe by putting all their anxiety onto you. This is all in an attempt to bait you into reacting so that they can stand back and go “there, see, I told you so”
  3. Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries – their energy is intense and it can feel like your own. Putting boundaries in place regarding when/how to contact, your own responses and recognising your own triggers will protect you from being gaslighted by them and their flying monkeys.

If you are heading to court against a narcissistic ex and want support, check out our online course thenurturingcoach.co.uk/get-court-ready

The post Narcissistic Injury In Family Court appeared first on The Nurturing Coach.

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Quote about the secret of change as you start your transformation after divorce

Transformation after Divorce

Ending a marriage creates a sense of upheaval in your life, but it also opens the door to new possibilities as you rediscover what YOU want out of life.

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