Clark County Nevada
June 11, 2021
Las Vegas, Nev., (June 4, 2021). The newsflash, apparently official, Jennifer Abrams has paid $155,000 to settle-up with Steve Sanson and Veterans In Politics, International (“VIPI”).
ABRAMS SETTLES for $155K
Moments ago, our editorial staff learned that local attorney, Jennifer V. Abrams, and the Abrams & Mayo Law Firm recently entered into a settlement agreement with Steve Sanson and VIPI. The Abrams Parties agreed to pay $155,000 to resolve the parties’ ongoing litigation.
Our editorial staff was informed that Abrams and her firm have already paid the settlement in full—$155k.
We presume the lion’s share of the $155k will go to the lawyers.
The lawsuit is continuing in district court. Louis Schneider a Nevada Attorney remains as a defendant. After the Nevada Supreme Court almost entirely upheld the district court’s prior decision to grant an anti-SLAPP motion, Schneider sought fees and costs and dismiss the remaining claims. Those motions are still pending.
Our editorial staff spoke with Steve Sanson, who explained that the settlement agreement has no confidentiality clause. “Well, Abrams wanted confidentiality, but I said, NO!” explains Sanson, “This is about freedom of speech and I took an oath to defend the Constitution along with our fundamental liberty interests in freedom of speech. This case started with Jennifer Abrams suing to silence me and the public has an interest in knowing what happens in anti-SLAPP cases.”
Abrams is a controversial divorce attorney—who some see as emblematic of the chronic problems that plague the family court. Employees of Abrams’ law office run a Facebook hater group where they openly taunt and bully parents fighting for custody.
Sanson criticized Abrams’ sketchy courtroom conduct. Then Abrams retaliated—by filing a defamation lawsuit against Sanson, VIPI , and all its officers! (Holy guacamole!)
But Abrams’ defamation lawsuit was baseless. Abrams had no likelihood of prevailing on her specious defamation claim (and she knew it). Instead, it seemed that Abrams calculated her lawsuit for one purpose—chilling Sanson’s speech-related activities.
Abrams thought her defamation lawsuit would shut down Sanson’s criticisms of her shady courtroom conduct. But Abrams never counted on the indomitable fighting spirit of a United States Marine! “OO-rah!”
In response to Abrams’ half-stepping defamation lawsuit, Steve Sanson countered with an anti-SLAPP motion to dismiss—and Abrams got knocked out! It was epic! Sanson handed Abrams a stunning upset defeat! Much like the Lakers victory over the Supersonics back in 1989!
It was long, arduous litigation. Abrams lost in the trial court, then she appealed, but again, she (almost entirely) lost. It wasn’t even a valiant fight. It was just sad. Some legal observers speculate on whether Abrams was stubbornly prolonging her inevitable defeat—trying to prove a point. If so, the only point is that Abrams paid $155,000 (ouch!). Sanson showed himself to be a noble defender of First Amendment liberties!
In the court, Steve Sanson and VIPI established proved that his criticisms of Abrams’ courtroom conduct are free speech—protected by the First Amendment! This means that Sanson has a constitutional right to criticize Abrams—regardless of whether she is offended! Sanson’s triumph over Abrams was a ginormous victory for free speech enthusiasts nationwide!
Sanson added, “I am glad the Nevada Supreme Court correctly ruled that an attorney’s courtroom conduct is a matter of public interest, which we can discuss publicly! With all due respect to Ms. Abrams, she must learn to accept criticisms—especially when they’re valid.”
“And, I’d like to thank my lawyer, Maggie, McLetchie—a heavy hitter—a First Amendment guru—who always had faith in me,” says Sanson who added, “and I wish to thank her associates, the hard-working Leo Wolpert, and Alina Shell. Without these talented individuals, this landmark decision would not have been possible! I also want to give a shout-out to Anat Levy who always has my back!”
The Nevada Supreme Court ruling in Abrams vs. Sanson has sent shockwaves through the corridors of legal power statewide! The high court precedent is clear and unambiguous. The Nevada Supreme Court wholeheartedly supports free speech!
The VIPI editorial staff spoke with our legal correspondent, T. Matthew Phillips, a First Amendment aficionado, who explained, “What we do in life—echoes in eternity.” Phillips added, “When Carson City enacted our state’s anti-SLAPP statutes, they had in mind Jenny Abrams’ frivolous lawsuit against Steve Sanson.
Justice was served!”
We were also fortunate to speak with a world-renowned constitutional expert, Maggie McLetchie, who told our staff, “I’m pleased the parties were able to reach an amicable resolution.”
“She sued me to stifle my free speech,” says Sanson, “and the reason she tried to stifle my free speech was to hide her own misconduct.” Sanson added, “If you see something, say something, right? So, I see a shyster lawyer, I say something … she files a shyster lawsuit … she gets slapped out of the water! $155 thousand smackeroos! Cha-Ching! Thank you, please come again!”
Our editorial team wondered whether there’s any legal insight that this litigation may offer—as a learning experience. T. Matthew Phillips explained, “Never underestimate your opponent.” Phillips reminds us, “That’s straight outta Sun-Tzu! Jenny Abrams underestimated a tough-as-nails United States Marine, who basically opened a can of whoop-ass with a side o’ fries and a triple-thick chocolate shake!”
THE WILLICK FACTOR
Note also, the legal battle rages on between Sanson and Marshal Willick another divorce attorney. Remarkably, Willick pulled the same stunt as his girlfriend, fiancée, wife (who knows) Jenny Abrams. And, like his girlfriend, Sanson served up a “how-do-you-do!” Willick now back-peddles, desperately trying to dismiss his own lawsuit against Sanson.
VETERANS in POLITICS INTERNATIONAL (“Where Change Happens!”)
Please click on the link below to view Saturday’s show: Tahra Violet self-healing on the Veterans In Politics Video Internet talk-show
Rest in peace, 9-yr-old Mia Inoue and 7-yr-old Kai Inoue, who were tragically murdered by their divorcing mother in their apartment in Tempe, Arizona after officers had been to the same apartment just after midnight for a domestic fight between the mother and father. Their mother reports hearing voices that told her to kill her children. Read more here.
Michelle Hord’s 7-year-old daughter, Gabrielle, was murdered by her father in 2017, the day after signing their divorce agreement. In this personal essay, Michelle reflects on her tragedy, her survival, and lifts up mothers across the country who have lost a child to violence.
Read more here.
Read the full article at The Colorado Mediator Mess
The Colorado Mediator Mess
Colorado domestic relations courts tend to have “trendy” court appointees. The latest trend is to use “mediators” who have no state standards of practice, no state oversight board and cannot be grieved for unlawful or questionable practices. Would you have confidence in using an unlicensed doctor, surgeon or dentist?
Your family could easily be victimized by agreeing to use a court ordered mediator.
PLEASE check it out before you agree to use a mediator in Colorado domestic relations courts.
Mediation is NOT recommended for families with a history of abuse.
If the mediator has served or serves also as a Child and Family Investigator (CFI) or Parent Responsibility Evaluator (PRE) that is a red flag in my book. My former CFI is now serving as a mediator and states having conducted over 150 PRE’s. She didn’t know much about domestic abuse but said she did. PLEASE be careful.
Let’s use another court ordered/appointed role with divorcing families–Mediation.
- One that has no state standardized, required training as it relates to the divorce process
- One that no state standards that protect the parents and the children as consumers
- One where the mediators are not readily removed for poor performance
- One where it appears the attorneys will have a strong say in who gets selected as a mediator
- One where there will be no disclosure required as in C.R.S. 14-10-127 (1.2), and 128.1 & .3
- One that according to a California study, when court ordered, has been only 20% effective
(The same study did say when self-selected by families, mediation was up to 80% effective.)
“When Should You Not Mediate?”
This information is from an FAQ on a CCMO* web page. It is no longer on what is now the Colorado Mediator Association, the MAC, web page.
• You should not mediate if you do not believe you will be able to talk about what is important to you during the mediation, or if you believe the other party has so much power over you that you will agree to something you don’t really want to agree to.
• You should not mediate if you do not believe you or the other party has the ability to participate effectively in the process.
• Mediation may not be appropriate where there has been domestic violence or where one or more of the parties has serious mental health problems, and mediation is never appropriate if any of the parties is intoxicated by alcohol or drugs.
Read the full article at Protect Children and Parents from Court Appointees including Mediators
Although I was in a 7 year post divorce case initiated by the father, MRS. Family Court Helper referred to me throughout her report to the court as MRS. Was she a once a MRS. always a MRS. kind of person or was she just careless in her cut and paste of a report she had used many times before?
MRS. Family Court Helper follows the money and moves from role to role. The trend in the family court industry is to find another court appointee role without standards or standardized training (especially domestic violence training) and use this for divorcing families who end up in court. The latest trend is mediation. MRS. Family Court Helper is now a mediator.
But she still prefers to do a PRE (custody evaluation) even though the research is saying this approach is harmful to children. MRS. Family Court Helper has conducted over 100 PRE (custody evaluations). When asked how much follow-up she had done to see how the children fared, she was incensed. When she finally responded, the answer was she hadn’t done any. What kind of professional does that?
MRS. Family Court Helper now says on her web site that the mother filed a complaint with the Department of Regulatory Agencies (DORA) because she was upset with the parenting time decision she recommended when serving as a parent coordinator. It was much more than that. BEWARE of any licensed mental health professional that uses this line. MRS. Family Court Helper suddenly became an SA/CFI (Special Advocate/Child and Family Investigator), the role the court appointed her to serve, again in her response to DORA. Interesting isn’t it?
• MRS. Family Court Helper double billed me. These were corrected when I pointed out the errors, but not before.
• When I asked for a recap of the billing it took MRS. Family Court Helper 4 months to get me a recap of the billing. It was submitted in her reply to my DORA complaint. Even though she says she was a parent coordinator on her web site and in previous billings to me, the billing and the response she submitted to DORA listed all her work as being that of an SA/CFI as the court document ordered. She’s sneaky.
• MRS. Family Court Helper failed to discuss or implement changes that would take my child out of the middle of the conflict. Suggestions were made by a school counselor with over 20 years’ experience as a counselor and parent. The counselor looked over the child’s records and shared what she had seen work and then made some recommendations based on the changes MRS. Family Court Helper was proposing. When the recommendations were shared with MRS. Family Court Helper, her response was maybe it should be her who goes to the school and talks to the school personnel. She didn’t implement any of the recommendations.
• MRS. Family Court Helper took a piece of research which spanned 25 years and included recommendations to a group of Colorado goons promoting the parent coordinator role and decided not to follow the research but the recommendations of the goons who had no back up research.
• MRS. Family Court Helper did not set session agendas and the sessions were totally out of control. According to other mental health professionals I shared my concerns with regarding the nature of the sessions; MRS. Family Court Helper allowed transference to occur but did not remove herself from the case per the standard recommendation when transference occurs.
• MRS. Family Court Helper’s bizarre suggestion—“I can hardly wait to tell you this, what about, what if, the parenting communication is just between you and the father’s girl friend?” The girl friend is long gone from the picture.
• MRS. Family Court Helper’s response to the child running away from the father’s house a second time was to say the child “said she/he could handle it”. If the child could handle it, why did the child run away? And why wasn’t this a red flag to MRS. Family Court Helper?
Not long after a complaint was filed with DORA and a motion was filed by me to have MRS. Family Court Helper removed as the appointed SA/CFI, a contempt charge was filed against me. MRS. Family Court Helper said she read every document but failed to note as did Jefferson County Magistrate Cecelia Curtis that the contempt motion was meaningless. Magistrate Curtis had failed to read the file and didn’t realize the document surrounding the contempt charge had not yet been signed by her and sent out to all parties.
MRS. Family Court Helper is sneaky. BEWARE. She was assigned to be a SA/CFI and decided she would rather be a parent coordinator—a Colorado role with no standards, no standardized training and no follow up on its effectiveness. Not knowing at the time that this was a specific ambiguous role a group of Colorado goons were promoting, I signed an agreement with her saying she was a parent coordinator. Please learn from my mistake. Do not trust a court appointee, regardless of credentials.
Lessons learned. Don’t sign any document with a licensed mental health professional working in a court-appointed role without having it first looked over by an attorney working specifically for your family. If the court appointee is in business with an attorney as MRS. Family Court Helper is, even more reason to consult with another attorney. Or better yet, avoid this type of arrangement all together. It is not good for you or your children in my opinion.
Better yet, don’t use a mediator who has worked extensively in family courts in other roles. It’s not about the children for them, it’s about the money. Avoid Colorado family courts if at all possible.
The post Protect Children and Parents from Court Appointees including Mediators appeared first on Moms Fight Back.
Silicon Valley judges have become disgruntled with their $200,000 annual pay. So family lawyers decided to do something about it in order to get in judges’ favor. Fueled with client money pouring in from Facebook, Paypal , Google and Twitter executives, divorce lawyers are using Bitcoin or crypto currencies as well as equity in family homes and investment properties to bribe judges and rig divorce cases. The blueprint is being repeated all over the state as these well funded lawyers and corrupt judges operate what has become California’s most dangerous criminal organizations.
Police officers willing to write bogus reports of domestic violence while ignoring serious white collar crimes play a critical role in the operation. Crooked cops are getting special loans and below market houses in exchange for the role they play in the scam. Children whose parents are involved in divorce or custody disputes are being used by the enterprise to incite conflict and generate fees that justify the selling off of the family home or rental properties that generate family wealth.
Judges rotated through family, civil and criminal courts are the most likely to be dragged into the network. These judges issue orders that are critical for the organization. It has worked like a well oiled machine for 20 years, as property values in Silicon Valley skyrocket.
The pandemic however, disrupted the corruption and leaked information to outsiders. Meetings through local bar associations have been disrupted due to the pandemic . No longer can the lawyers rub shoulders with judges or others in the enterprise in hallways such they they are able to overhear other cases in a manner that invites illegal, or exparte, communications.
During the COVID crisis, attorneys in the San Francisco Bay Area used the pandemic to record public court hearings, meetings with private judges and attorneys court appointed to represent children. Some of the recordings were made illegally to help lawyers and judges make more money on ghost real estate transactions and inflated legal bills that are always ordered in favor of lawyers assuring a steady stream of bribes.
The existence of these illegally recordings only is revealed when I judge is involved, as was the case in a Santa Clara County Superior Court earlier this month:
“Judge Roberta Hayashi needs another apartment complex in Santa Cruz and someone has to chip in for more remodels on her Los Gatos house ” , attorney Mark Erickson is heard telling attorney Jim Hoover in an illegally recorded call made on special software Erickson keeps on his office computer. Erickson, like most other lawyers, reportedly does poor legal work, charges unconscionable fees, spies on his own clients and makes backroom deals with opposing lawyers to stay in the good graces of the local judges. This is especially true in cases where he opposes attorneys associated with Hector Moreno, David Patton, James McManis or Jim Hoover from Hoover Krepelka, all of whom assure outright bribes to judges, cops and court appointed experts to get desired legal outcomes that keep the flow of clients coming into their legal practices.
The pandemic has caused trouble for divorce lawyers who find it difficult to conceal their criminality when other lawyers, and unknown members of the public, or a jury, may be listening. After moving her troubled career as a family court judge to civil court, Judge Hayashi was more than humiliated during a hot mic moment on a Zoom where the jury was present and an attorney in a auto accident case was heard calling Judge Hayashi a
“Fucking Idiot”. A sentiment divorce lawyers Mark Erickson, Hector Moreno, Nicole Ford, Liz Goodley and Elise Mitchell expressed when they were recorded outside the family courthouse back in 2020.
The LA Times and the San Jose Mercury recently reported on the hot mic incident and social media is mocking attorney Vincent Sal Filipo for calling Judge Hayashi a ” fucking idiot” in ear shot of a jury and recorded Zoom hearing. Judge Hayashi is said to be fuming and planning to make sure Sal Filipo never wins a case in Santa Clara County again.
Illegal recordings have also revealed how Los Gatos based attorney Carlos Martinez, Capitola based attorney John Hannon and lawyers from San Jose; James McManis, Rhonda Edgar, Walter Hammon, Richard Roggia, James Cox, Tracey Duell Cazes and Bill Dresser are connected to real estate scams designed to take family homes and convert the equity to attorney fees during a divorce, custody or domestic violence case in family court.
Converted fees are laundered through attorney trust accounts , title companies and escrow accounts where the funds are used to bribe judges up and down the state, where the bribes assure civil cases are buried and claims are returned to family court. Houses sold below market value through private judges, referees or ” Special Masters” are funding the criminal enterprise that incites conflict, harms children and seizes family homes in order to continue to operate.
Family courts do not have jurors. Cases are heard by a single court judge. Torts such as fraud, domestic violence, concealment, and conversion can not be litigated in family court as the claims must be in heard in civil court where a jury is entitled to hear the claims. Judges who have been earning money on side hustles from rigged divorce cases do not want these cases heard by jurors who go home and tell about what is really happening in family courts. Looking through civil court filings against attorneys can reveal the players in involved in the corruption.
The pattern of the most corrupt lawyers show that they work closely with the police departments in Morgan Hill, Gilroy, San Jose, Los Gatos and Santa Clara to assure reports are written in a manner that will allow lawyers to raise false domestic violence claims in and around the time a divorce case is filed. Further, individual police officers and police chiefs are accepting bribes that prevent clients willing to pay the criminal organization from being charged for tax evasion, fraud and other crimes that could be exposed during a divorce case.
Police chiefs who have been paid bribes through local police associations include police chiefs from Gilroy, Los Gatos, and San Jose , all but Los Gatos Chief DeCena have resigned as they knew police records laws and new snitches could expose their corrupt deeds. Scott Smithee , the chief in Gilroy, was known for his long corrupt history with drugs and sex trafficked, and more recently for bribes he took that included special loans and real estate deals assured by Intero Real Estate agents who agreed to who assured home remodels and tax accounting favors through the CPA firms of Greco, Filice and Thompson and MHTB, where Angelo Pezzoni, Mike Schumway, James Butera and Marcy Nunez have worked for powerful members of Silicon Valley’s legal community in exchange for court appointments that offer them immunity.
According to information provided to family law attorneys Valerie Houghton, Elise Mitchell, Liz Goodley, and Heather Allan, by now deceased Santa Clara County Sheriff Deputy Jack Solario , the most corrupt judges, lawyers and cops, get off the books accounting advice and should they ever face a DUI, false DV claim or personal divorce, free legal advice from attorney James McManis , and his former associates including, Carolyn Helwick, who uses her former relationships at the local DA’s office and as an associate in the McManis Faulkner law firm where Helwick was known as the go between when it comes to bribing local judges or getting clients to agree to use private judges. Helwick’s name appears in the Mitchell papers as having assured over $5 million in bribes to Judges Patricia Lucas, James Towery. Roberta Hayashi , Mary Arand, Julie Emede, Beth McGowan, Stuart Scott and Carol Overton ( the judge in the county protecting big landlords in unlawful detainer and civil harassment cases) . Overtime’s ties to real estate has made her one of the most corrupt judges in the county.
San Jose police Chief Ed Garcia, moved to Texas , where he reportedly continues to cover up human trafficking crimes. Scott Smithee, the former Gilroy Chief is reportedly getting into private security for Silicon Valley’s tech and social media companies where he is reportedly consulting on how to conceal the most serious white collar crimes connected to SEC violations and real estate fraud.
Rigging Divorce Cases
Judges have a legal obligation to disclose their social, personal and professional relationships with lawyers or others they appoint in a case, they rarely do. Judges also have a duty to report attorney misconduct, they rarely do . Judges know everyone lies in family court, yet they look the other way when it comes to the criminality of clients paying the criminal enterprise and assuring bribes to local judges. Those clients and their lawyers will never be sanctioned or disciplined by the state bar. In fact the corruption at the bar, revealed by the Thomas Garardi case works to protect the most corrupt lawyers in Silicon Valley These corrupt lawyers are never prosecuted by a local district attorney whose political campaigns are funded by the monies these lawyers and judges pay to keep them in office.
Divorce cases that are ” fixed” or ” rigged” involve the same lawyers and the same pattern and practice when it comes to public corruption. These cases, regularly assigned to a specific judge, often find a judge working for the criminal operation, come into their case at a hearing where no legitimate reason for the judge switch has occurred. Judge James Towery’s cases show the most corruption, where Towery has injected himself in other cases where the corruption could be revealed.
The lawyers in Silicon Valley are no different than those in LA and Organge County, where it was recently revealed how corrupt attorney Thomas Giaradi had become, right under the nose of the State Bar. Giarardi was known for screwing his clients. Now in his final years of life, he is facing disbarment, bankruptcy and his own divorce from celebrity Erika Jane of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Turns out their plush lifestyle was supported on the backs of women and orphans Girardi represented in class action lawsuits, never got paid. Girardi’s corruption and influence include bribes and kickbacks to Governor Gavin Newsom, who appointed Girardi to approve judges Newsom would appoint over his political career. Bribes to Shelia Sonenshine, Judge Moss, Judge Lucas, Judge Yew. and countless attorneys acting as private judges independently, David Weinberg, or through the private business known as JAMS are also documented in the Mitchell Papers.
Judges Stealing Family Homes
One secret recording made by attorney Marilyn Moreno reveals that Santa Clara County Judge Carol Overton has been assigned by court managers to ” kill” civil cases with related family law matters. Judge Overton has reportedly been assigned to work on any case involving SEC or real estate fraud to keep it out of ear shot of a jury. The recent hot mic incident involving Judge Hayashi solidifies the resolve of the judges to continue to protect the corruption and handle the cases that cold leak information to the public that family court judges don’t want heard.
One recording, believed to have been made by Bill Dresser shows Marilyn Moreno, Bill Dresser and attorneys from Hoover Krepelka’s law firm , discussing how to get Judge Overton to pressure a mother to drop her civil real estate fraud case and get the case back to family court where they can use pressure on custody issues related to her young children to get her to forget about the real estate fraud. Judge Overton’s assignment on the unlawful detainer calendar in the county made her very popular in the local judge bribing pool.
On the civil calendar Judge Overton’s courtroom deals with civil harassment and unlawful detainer cases. In recent months Overton has been assigned as a ” settlement judge” to real estate cases that arise from claims of fraud in a divorce case. Overton has been reportedly working to favor clients in the case who are represented by Hoover Krepelka’s firm. A secret recording believed to be made by Marilyn Moreno reveals a public court judge , believed to be Judge Carol Overton, captures Overton telling attorneys Dresser and Moreno to assure their client accepted a settlement and dropped a civil case, to ” get the case back to family court”. Arguably where no media or jury is watching. ” If your client does not agree to drop her civil case , the judges in family court will make her life a living hell. Overton is reportedly not beyond making threats to get her way to protect slumlords and the criminal organization that is using divorce and custody cases to generate huge sums of cash that are used to pay off judges, lawyers, experts and cops.
The Los Gatos Police Officer Association is noted in the Mitchell Papers as assuring Overton large sums of money so the Los Gatos slumlords are assured of Overton’s favorable orders in court cases involving Los Gatos real estate.
How to Detect Fraud Divorce Case and Real Estate
The corruption is spreading to other counties in California, it is being ignored by presiding judges, the Commission on Judicial Performance and the State Bar.
Civil court files reveal the lawyers involved in the corruption. Look for judges assigned to unlawful detainer cases. These judges typically protect real property owners and landlords over tenant’s rights. Malpractice claims also reveal the patterns and practices, but knowledge of the players is critical too and malpractice lawsuits are a huge leak when public corruption taints a community’s family courts.
Judge Overton became connected to the corruption through the law firm Hoover Krepelka , and its relationship to Dean Rossi and the law firm Rossi, Hamerslough, Reischl & Chuck which has historically worked to for Intero Real Estate Services, a real estate company known for fraudulent transactions connected to the county’s family courts. And a company where agents and brokers have a long history of bribing judges, cops and lawyers. This agency is getting court appointments through private and public court judges and then selling family homes below market value. Police officers, lawyers and judges are benefiting and much of money laundered for these transactions is bring moved through crypto currencies and attorney trust accounts, where they are not disclosed, nor detected in family law cases.
Self- proclaimed malpractice attorney John Hannon is a source of leaks too, Hannon has been known to dragnet clients into malpractice cases, only to drop them by staging fake fights with clients, or intentionally blowing service and discovery deadlines.
Hannon is particularly known for escalating duress in his clients, while colluding with the very attorneys he is hired to sue for malpractice. Hannon’s reach is in Santa Cruz, Monterey and Santa Clara Counties, where he takes nominal retainer agreements and gets his real money kicked back from the lawyers who never get exposed in family court due to his incompetence and connection to the family court corruption. Hannon is known in particular for preying on victims of domestic violence, and for verbally insulting any client who dare to question his competence. This leaked email shows how Hannon pretends to not be able to serve lawyers he is secretly protecting. Mr. Hannon was meeting daily with Mr. Dresser as the two were trying to determine how to get a restraining order filed against Bill Dresser in Sacramento County back before Santa Clara County Superior Court Judge Carol Overton who is the highest grossing bribed judge in the county.
Want to see the joke of the day? The Texas Constitution requires state lawmakers who have a personal or private interest in a proposed law to disclose it to the House… and not vote. Now you will understand why fathers rights groups are furious and are demanding a vote on a bill for equal parenting after divorce. We agree.
Many guys going through a divorce or child custody case will lie or try to hide facts about themselves that reflect poorly and could damage their case. However, that can backfire and cause even more harm.
Mr. Trout and Mr. Potts talk about the best way to go about disclosing those facts, particularly to your divorce attorney.
The post Dealing With Bad Facts in Your Divorce Case – Men’s Divorce Podcast appeared first on Dads Divorce.
We live in a world with a lot of judgments. And life just isn’t always simple. God knows that getting divorced when you have children in common is far from simple.
When I get the look from people in my life about why I wanted to be a Life Coach to help other single moms, I am always met with a sideways glance that asks, “when are you going to get over your divorce?” It’s not an oral question asked, but rather just a look. A look that I have seen many times and one that I am quite familiar with.
Why am I so delayed in what appears to be my grief by focusing on divorced moms as a topic of discussion, let alone an additional career path?
I Couldn’t Heal Because I Kept Pretending I Wasn’t Hurt.
And my answer is, “I couldn’t heal because I kept pretending I wasn’t hurt.” I couldn’t focus on it at the appropriate time that one would deal with something as traumatic as divorce can be. I had two small babies that needed so much from me and I was so afraid that if I did indulge in the feelings of the true trauma of what happened to my life, I would never be able to find my way back.
It took my children to finally reach young adulthood for me to be able to take a much-needed pause and really look back over the shoulder of my past and see what I did wrong and what I did right. There were so many items that could fall into both of those buckets. And to be honest, pretending that I wasn’t hurt in a funny way served me well.
If I could look at my life and pretend I wasn’t alone, pretend I wasn’t scared, pretend I wasn’t daunted, and pretend I wasn’t the only one in my family divorced…well maybe it was by that alone that I somehow survived. After all, isn’t “playing and pretending” one of the first skills we learn as children? I was and always have been so good at putting on a brave face and pushing through to get to the other side of something. But who I am today as a result of this is far from being the “Great Pretender”.
Look closely at the present you are constructing. It should look like the future you are dreaming. Alice Walker
Being somebody I didn’t became all too easy for me. And in those years while I was pretending, I realized that I was piece by piece becoming a new me. I was slowly becoming reborn. In the years of feeling victimized by my ex-husband or the woman who took him from us or the bosses that couldn’t understand the weight of my responsibilities at home, or the family members who couldn’t understand me at all or the boyfriend who couldn’t understand why he was not the center of my universe….well, it all just made me find my voice and find enough strength to yell ENOUGH!
I don’t owe my ex-husband comfort in being a compliant ex-wife.
I don’t owe his concubine my nervous system and shattered heart.
I don’t owe my boss any explanations about my personal life when I’m one of his top performers.
I don’t owe my family members a weekly program as to what was happening in my life and I don’t owe any boyfriend anything at all.
What I do know is that I deserve and have earned respect from each and every one of those people by the sacrifices I and my children had made in order to secure their comfort levels. I owe only to me. I owe it to myself to love and approve of the person I have become.
In order to love who you are, you cannot hate the experiences that shaped you.
I have experienced more life than most of the people I know. Or at least it feels as though I have. And yet when I try to remember things that happened, I only remember them in a wash of grey. I don’t really remember the details that well. I do think that this is actually a byproduct of trauma and how we cope.
Or at least it seemingly is how I coped. Today, when I speak with women who have been through the trials of divorce and are coping with being a single parent, I get as much comfort in talking with them, as they do when talking with me. I do tend to ask myself periodically, what wisdom do I have and what can I impart upon the legions of single moms that seek my help?
The first message I receive from single moms is that they feel alone and frightened but cannot show it for fear that their children may pick up on this. They also feel that their friends and family will feel pressured to have to help, so they don’t show any neediness and they don’t ask for help. They don’t want to appear vulnerable to anyone. We straddle two worlds as divorced moms. One of being heartbroken and the other of being the strong women we are required to be, by virtue of today’s standards. We are required to feel like Rosie the Riveter 24/7 flexing our strong muscles and being somehow invincible.
The first thing I want to make clear to each and every one of the women I meet with shortly after saying hello, is that they are validated, and their feelings are real. And we start from there. No need to put on airs. My sign says, “Leave your cape at the door. Superheroes not required here.” Often times while we “pretend” we do so in an effort to make those around us more comfortable. And we do so at our own peril.
Be thankful for the wrong relationships. They teach you, change you, strengthen you and prepare you for the right one.
Divorce hurts. Whether you initiated it or not, it still hurts.
It hurts if you were cheated on.
It hurts if you fell out of love.
It hurts you, your parents, your siblings…. anyone who thought your marriage was the model union of which my tribe all thought.
But it also really hurts our children if we don’t address this kick to our hearts.
I admit I didn’t handle my broken heart well because I just didn’t address it at all. I just felt so erased and in a split second the home and the family we were building meant nothing. I was hurt. My husband left me for another woman weeks after our second child was born. I was hurt. I lost my husband, my best friend, my entire nervous system, my financial security, and my sanity. I was hurt. But, I never addressed it.
I do have the luxury of wisdom now. I do know what I did wrong, and what I did right. I have learned lessons that can indeed be shared. I know… heartbreak or not, I did marry the wrong man. He wasn’t a bad man, just the wrong man. I was the wrong woman for him too. He never meant to hurt me. He is not a man without a heart. He was just a lost man who needed someone else to ride out the rest of his life with. I get it now.
I also know that whether there is a right one for me or not, I am still growing, learning, and evolving. And the woman I am today doesn’t operate to make everyone else comfortable first. She accepts herself and expresses herself and gladly shares her sense of wisdom with anyone who wants to listen. And it’s okay if they don’t.
Being a Life Coach to divorced moms is a calling that was meant to be. There are few things in this world I feel more passionate about. I will never be able to forget the trauma of my divorce and that’s okay. The memories I have are a mixture of good and horrible all in one. But they serve to perhaps help other women not experience some of the broken pieces I had to endure.
And if they do, we can work together to rebuild. If at the very least I can make them feel less alone and a little more whole, I will have done what I set out to do. And I make no further explanations to anyone on that.
The post I Couldn’t Heal After My Divorce Because I Kept Pretending I Wasn’t Hurt. appeared first on Divorced Moms.
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