Today I’m sharing with you an incredibly important Thriver Talk with Lorraine.
Lorraine is inspirational. She has been out of her narcissistic relationship for only 4 ½ months and is Thriving!
She feels great, she looks great and she is the happiest she can remember being.
You may ask, are you sure she was with a narcissist? Yes, she was.
Maybe she couldn’t have been terribly broken? She was.
Lorraine had suffered major adrenal issues, chronic depression, thyroid problems, and regular breakdowns, and her life had been falling apart for YEARS previously.
“Years” being the operative word …
Lorraine had been with her ex-narcissist for 45 years in TOTAL!
He was all she had ever known her entire adult life. And he had controlled her most of that time. She did not have her own security, job, or life!
Like so many women in her position, she had been too terrified to leave. Lorraine did not even think it would be possible to …
… until everything changed for her.
I’d love you to watch Loraine’s interview to discover, not only HOW Lorraine got the strength, but also took her power back, got him to capitulate, and left with hardly ANY fallout or aftershock at all!
Now at 66 years of age, Lorraine is happier and more excited about her future than she could ever imagine being!
If you too have been stuck, worn down, and think there is no way to leave, get well and this is a Thriver Talk you don’t want to miss!
If you have not yet subscribed to my YouTube channel or followed me on Facebook, please do so, and I’d love for you to share my work with others who need it. I’d also love for you to connect with me on Rumble and Instagram.
Welcome beautiful Thriver community, Mel here. I am so excited because we have a Thriver Talk today and this is a Thriver talk that I know a lot of our community really waiting for and would like to hear about because I have with me the lovely Lorraine. Lorraine, thank you so much for coming forward.
Thank you, Mel. So thrilled and honored to be here.
Where the Lorraine’s story is so powerful is because she had 45 years, all of her adult life really, with a narcissistic partner. We’re going to talk about that journey today and about how Lorraine liberated herself.
I know that there are a lot of people in our community, dear listeners, who are going through this, you have either been stuck in a long-term narcissistic relationship and maybe you’re still there and you don’t know how you’re going to get out and survive and reboot your life and maybe you have left but you are still deeply traumatized and in aftershock and haven’t broken through to what we call the other side.
So, with great joy here is Lorraine. Lorraine, we’re going to jump straight in. So 45 years is, is an enormous time. Now I’d love you to share with everybody how bad your breakdown was of yourself and what was going on in that relationship and where did it end up?
Well, with that long of a marriage, you can imagine there’s more than one breakdown, but you know, I didn’t know what I was dealing with for many, many years.
Only three years into the marriage, I saw some cracks and in retrospect, it was always about power and control, especially financial abuse and control. And I was such a good girl. I just thought, okay, this is what marriage is. I just have to go along to get along and be the best wife I can and so forth.
I entered into this relationship as a strong independent woman, 22 years old, just graduated from college, moved to a metropolitan area, met him, the typical story male, instant connection, thought I’d hit the jackpot.
He was smart and funny and intelligent and ambitious and charming and treated me like a queen. And I, you know, I had never been treated so well, wined and dined and lived together for five years. Many thought I was on top of the world until three years in and pregnant with my first son, getting into our first property, a condo and the money.
Control and power started and other ways of control. And, you know, and it just one thing led to another. I had another son, we moved to another house, another community. It was decided I would be home with the children and he used it as another device of control with him being money is power, that was his thing.
I had none and it caused a lot of health issues for me, which kept me down and complacent in a lot of ways. I suffered horribly from depression, just deep depression. Most of the time I was depressed more than I wasn’t. It was hard. I tried, I just soldiered on. I just was trying to be a good mother and did everything I needed to do. And I had very bad adrenal issues and thyroid issues. I had no energy, and brain fog constantly.
I don’t know how I got through it when I look back. I had half a life, you know, aches and pains, weight gains, weight loss, anxiety, never feeling safe. Just, but then as in many marriages and relationships like this, there’s just enough crumbs of good stuff to keep you going, you know?
And I just, I knew deep down this was wrong. It wasn’t right. It was crazy-making. There were days when he was at work and the kids were at school, I would just go in the car to a remote area and scream my head off. I just was so beside myself, knowing something was horribly wrong and not knowing what to do, feeling so helpless, hopeless, and powerless.
I was constantly hitting my head against the wall to figure this out, figure him out, make things better.
Yeah, and I just want to jump in and talk about that Lorraine, because I know that you were spiritual for a lot of years and a lot of people who have been in toxic relationships have reached out to spirituality and truth-seeking and, and are often avid people trying to improve ourselves and heal ourselves to heal our relationships. So what did you do? Like what did you read or what did you connect to?
Well, when the pendulum swung and I was feeling a tiny bit better, I would, a lot of the people you’ve mentioned, you know, Louise Hay, Wayne Dyer, Joe Dispenza, I would just read lots of other people. Neale Donald Walsh, I would take classes, I would do affirmations, I would do meditations, I would, I did theta healing, I did herbology, I did nutrition, I did, you know, I did everything. And I learned a lot.
And it felt good in the interim, it helped a little. But as I learned from you later, the missing link really was getting the trauma out, shifting the trauma as somatic. You can’t, as you always eloquently say, you can’t just put ice cream on poop, and it’s just not going to work.
Which was the late Debbie Ford’s expression and I loved it from the moment I heard it because it’s such a great visual and the trauma is the poop and we have to get it out.
Yes, it got me to the next point and the next point until another downward turn. And it was just this back and forth constantly and no semblance of self. And just each time you just lost a little more of yourself and got more hopeless. Yes, yes, you know.
A lot of us never would have got through 45 years. So that shows how strong you were and your coping mechanisms to a point, even though you’re breaking down, keep you there. And also too, it’s a big deal, you know, when that’s all you’ve known to get out of a relationship.
Right. I invested so much in this relationship and didn’t want to break up my family, but knew at a gut level that, how could I stay in this marriage? And it took a few more breakdowns for me to finally, finally wake up. And for many years, I didn’t know he was a narcissist. I just knew he was toxic.
And that, you know, I think I’ve had several breakdowns, but the first one was really finding out when his career took off in high tech that he was travelling a lot constantly. And I was home alone with the kids and he’s gone two weeks, three weeks at a time to Asia and other places.
And I found out he was engaging in sexual liaisons, you know, one-off ones. And my world was rocked and completely broken.
And yet what was really, that part was bad, but the worst part was facing myself in the mirror and seeing and knowing that I was the type of woman that was too, I was so codependent and so traumatized and so scared about leaving that I couldn’t even then.
And, a few more breakdowns happened and he had vision issues, but always had good corrective lenses. things that started going downhill for his vision and he couldn’t drive anymore when we moved to this other state. But he decided to use it as a device of control.
That, oh, since I need you to take, I did all the driving, which I had no problem with, I never complained. I was happy to help him, but he decided consciously, oh, I can control her even more now, I can control her whereabouts.
So how did you find out about our Thriver community? How did that happen?
Well, after we moved to this other state, I reconnected with an old college friend. She had found out about your NARP program and she told me about it. I was blown away because I had just recently found out from my research that he was a narcissist and that was enough of a shock.
So finding out about NARP was what broke everything open for me. I finally had a way. I wanted to leave my marriage. I just didn’t feel, I didn’t know how I could do it. I was so entrenched, so trauma-bonded. And then I had names for everything. I had names for the cognitive dissonance, the peptide addiction and everything I was feeling. You know, I could finally say I’m not crazy here.
So it explained what was going on. So what happened when you started doing the modules? Cause you were still with him at the time. So what happened for you?
Some space opened up inside me. I could see that okay I was scared to death but I was going to babystep this and I did I kept at it, even on days I didn’t feel like it, and more and more space opened up and more and more grace, more and more compassion for myself happened.
The way you design the modules is, in retrospect, so beautiful. You totally understand the process we go through, going from one to the next to the next. I just followed along. I didn’t try to jump around, and it really helped, you know, and it in the process was just so true on how what you go to next, and next.
I just kept at it and the lockdown happened so I had no excuses. I turned, you know, the lockdown was horrible for everyone, no doubt. But since I was stuck there with him and I wasn’t, I couldn’t physically leave right away but I knew if I just stuck to it, I could. And I did and I turned my thinking around about the lockdown and said, you know what, it’s probably the best thing that ever happened to me because I had no excuses. I had nowhere to go.
No people to see. I had my privacy. I went into one part of the house. He went in the other with his projects. And I said I’m closing this door. I’m meditating to feel better. And you know, he didn’t know about it, of course, and he didn’t like it, but after a while, he got used to it. So I would spend half my days in there, NARPing and journaling and inner work. Yes, yes. And…
You were in there doing the inner work, getting the trauma out, getting the light in.
There was lots of help. Your blogs are amazing. I would read them over and over. And it just, you would always, you would just find every angle on every subject and fill it completely. So you’re always hitting something. Something was always resonating. Or if I didn’t understand it, I did it. I did understand it in another month or two months or whatever. And your videos were amazing. And, you know, Thriver videos, you know, were incredible and getting me encouraged to keep going.
You know that healing is not linear, you’re going all over the place with it, but if you stick to it and stick with NARP, you know what she says and what she says will happen if you stick to it really does happen. If it can happen for me, a 66-year-old woman who spent her whole adult life being narcissistically abused and that I could dig myself out of that hole and get through. You can too. I know you can.
This whole community, I’ve taken many classes from you and we have a strength we don’t even know. You know, because if we’re in this community, we’re strong. We may not feel strong every day, but we’re strong. And we know deep down that we are worthy and until we can get the debris out of the way, you know, just like the saying goes, the sun is always shining. You just have to get the clouds out of the way.
It’s so true. Yeah. And just to unpack that a little bit, you know, what I love about that. Yeah. Look COVID, you know, put you in that situation, but what we find with all of our Thrivers, including beautiful people like you Lorraine, is we’ve had long-term people even in their eighties, get out to the other side.
Yes, and that encouraged me.
Yeah, yeah, which is so beautiful. And by the way, you look amazing for 66. What I love about all of our thrivers when the traumas out and the light gets in, you start glowing. You know, it’s
Look what I found. I found my smile again.
Your cells are smiling. And I just want people to understand and I say it all the time, the blogs and the blogs and my videos are supplements, but the true inner work that makes the difference 100% of the time is “the trauma out the light in” which is the actual modules and then the supplements help give you the guidance, the encouragement, the understanding. But understanding is not innerstanding. Information is not transformation.
So people Lorraine are going to be pretty shocked to hear you’ve only been out of the marital house for four and a half months. You are basically not suffering aftershock.
Aftershock is that phenomenon where most people leave and you may have people tell you, well, you’ve left, you’re going to be all right now. You’re not because the trauma from yesterday, last week, last month, last year hit you like a freight train.
And a lot of people go back or a lot of people get on medication or just all sorts of things to try and cope because you feel like you’re dying. You feel like you’re losing your mind. Now you’ve barely gone through that.
Now I know the reason. I see the night and day recoveries and the day recoveries are you clean out any triggers with NARP, you keep working the modules and healing and you’re doing speedy shifts now aren’t you too?
I am, I mean, I, oh, I can’t tell you how happy I am with Speedy Shifts. I feel like, you know, when our parents talked about, you know, when they were young, they had to walk five miles through the snow to get to school and whatever it’s like.
Now, you know, from the other NARP to Speedy NARPs, it’s like quantum, you know, upleveling. And anyone, get Speedy Shifts. If you’re new to NARP, do the NARP. Because you need to have that basis. I really do believe that. And there are some SpeedyNarp modules as well now, which I’ve done and which are fabulous.
My god, you got eight minutes, then get in there and do it. And I’ve done it from day one of leaving my ex and I’m not going to stop. I’m, I’m hooked. It’s the way, it’s the only way is the quantum way. And once you feel it and once you do it and really feel the difference, you’re never going back. You can’t go back to the way you lived before. You just can’t.
It’s beautiful. And yeah, I love it when you left him, because it was you just basically declared it and did it, didn’t you? You were in your power.
I surprised myself.
I was done when I was done, I was done. And I worked through a lot of the fears. I worked those modules big time, especially the one about not taking responsibility for him in regards to his vision disability. It was probably my last bastion of feeling a little guilty or whatever, but I worked on that. I cleared it and I addressed it on day one with him.
I spoke my truth to that man for six weeks. He tried to work on me to change my mind and I wasn’t changing my mind.
But every time I told him my truth, it got easier and easier. And I was able to disconnect, and I was the leader of the whole process. I was willing to, um, lose it all to, to get it all, but I had a plan and I knew what he needed and wanted and I leveraged it. So I think I surprised him. He’s a big businessman, type A person. He did not expect that from me.
Yes. So it was only four months that we went through the process at home together until I left. It wasn’t a long time. And I kept to myself and didn’t let him enter into my space. And he had no choice but to capitulate.
I love this Lorraine because here’s the thing, you know, outside there in the normal non MTE non-Thriver narcissistic abuse recovery program world, everybody believes we can’t stand up to them. They’re too manipulative. They win in court. They’re all powerful and they literally are the Wizard of Oz behind the curtain pulling levers with this whole smoke screen pyromaniac show. It’s not true.
Exactly. I love that analogy. It’s so him.
Because when we get rid of the trauma and align with Source and stand, they capitulate and it happens all the time in this community.
Yes, yes, and especially was helpful in the last few months before I told them we were divorcing. I didn’t ask for the divorce, I told them. And I got a lot of support and help in there, and especially for that. I mean, all through the process, of course.
And I bought the gold and your people are wonderful, the moderators, and you’ve created such an amazing safe space because we’ve all been on the other kinds of forums, and those are not fun.
Thank you. Because this is the bunker, this is the battlefield of complete insane toxicity, narcissistic abuse, and being able to disentangle from you. And what comes with NARP is incredible support from the quantum untangling point of view, but also from the practical point of view, because there’s nothing that we haven’t seen in this community over the last 17 years, which is the insanity, which is narcissistic abuse.
That’s the key.
We know what they’re going to do. We know their next steps. We know how to get you aligned. We know how to get you to stand up. We know how to help you deal with solicitors and judges to turn that system back to supporting you.
So you beat him!
Yes, and you know, so many of your community don’t have a support network. And that’s what you were providing for so many women and men. It’s absolutely essential. You can’t really do this on your own. If you think you can, it’s going to be very difficult. And the kind of support that Melanie’s organization and her, the NARP, and all the other programs she has in the forum, it’s invaluable folks. It’s a no-brainer.
I’m looking at you and you’re just like, you are glowing. You look like you’ve been on collagen supplements for six months!
Well, I can’t tell you how wonderful it is to live life without that toxic energy permeating everything. And it just is night and day. And then to continue to work the program, because you’re doing it within a different with much gusto now because it really is all for you. You’re not about just getting out of the relationship. It’s all for you now.
And now you’re soul-driven. You want to do what your soul imprints, what you need to do, what you want to do in this life. You’re not afraid of the unknown as much, because in the unknown, all the possibilities exist. All of them. And all you’ll find in the unknown is more of yourself. And that’s everything. And you know, we lived in such a limited thinking life and world, and now we don’t have to think that way anymore.
There are new rules. We’re following universal laws. We are creating new rules that support us, you know? So, thanks to you and your program.
Oh, Lorraine, I think you should be a motivational speaker. That’s just so gorgeous and so from the quantum heart that you’re sharing that.
Yes, you know, the unknown is like the quantum field. It’s all the possibilities are there. That’s it.
So you moved out. Who are you who are you living with now and what are your next steps?
Well, I’m very, very fortunate. I have a wonderful, loving family, three sisters and a mom, and my oldest sister and her husband knew what was going on. I confided in them. In fact, she helped me buy NARP because he’s so controlling about every little charge.
She did it as a gift because she wanted that for me. And I was just touched by that. And they went a bit further. They built a beautiful home out in the country. lots of green and a river and 35 acres.
And they said, please come, we have room for you, plenty of room, come live with us as long as you want and heal and just be, we want that for you. And they’re the kindest, loving, generous people and they have the most beautiful relationship in marriage. And they are such a good example for me.
It’s been wonderful to be here. I came here, I’m just living, just being and feeling good and, you know, working on whatever triggers may be coming up and doing the program and, but doing it, and like I said, in a whole different way with the speedy shifts and some of the NARP speedy shifts. And it’s, I don’t know, it’s more fun because it’s all about me and the possibilities.
I’m in your Thrive program right now, and I’m coming up to week 10 and I’m just, you know, it’s just been amazing. I knew about this program from day one. And you know, it was a dream to be able to take that when I was on the other side. I mean, I thought sometimes I couldn’t get there, but I did. And it has not disappointed.
I love that.
If you haven’t done it, you’ve got to take it, if you’re on the other side and you’re having struggles or you just need a little boost, you’ve got to take her Thrive Program. It will really up level you. It really will. It’ll get you really going on your new life and addressing, and she is on fire. You know, it’s one of a private group.
She is on fire and throwing wisdom around and you know, you have the recordings and. I’m going to be re-listening to them and I’ve got a list of shifts going on.
And I highly recommend it. So, and after that, I’m just going to have some plans to do some training online and try a new vocation as a freelance worker. And you know, I don’t know if I’ll like it if I’ll do it. You know, it might lead to something else. I don’t care because I’m quantum now.
I just put one foot in front of the other. I go within. I put out there what I want, not goodies, how I want to feel. Because I can create my life. I get to decide how I feel, not from the outside in. Okay. I’m building a garden in here and creating my life.
I love that. It’s my deepest wish that you can inspire one person, but I know you’re going to inspire many. I really do.
Exactly. I am happy to!
I guess for a lot of people who have been in a long-term marriage, it’s like a big thing to accept help. It’s a huge thing for a lot of codependents who have been used to holding everything up themselves.
It was, it was very hard for me.
I met a woman years ago and I don’t know where she is now I’d love to have her on but she was with a very wealthy successful powerful narcissist. She had nowhere to go. She went to a shelter in her 60s she did the program and she healed. Then an old friend from decades ago got in contact with a very similar story, who worked out in the country, had an art gallery.
She went and stayed, started learning sculpting, worked in the art gallery, met a beautiful man, got married, and gained this whole new community because she was working at cleaning out the trauma, bringing the light and this is exactly what I see for you.
Source/God/Creation gives you the next step and it’s all moving towards your well-being, your flourishing, your nourishing, your true self, your true life. It’s because it’s already who we are without the trauma. So you are so on track. You’re so beautiful. You’re so inspiring. I think you are stunning inside and out. You are the kind of woman who would walk into a room and light it up because you’re lit up from the inside and you’re just beautiful!
Lorraine, do you have any passing thoughts or words of encouragement that you could say to our beautiful listeners?
Yes, well for the long-married folks and of course the other ones as well, it’s just, you know, be compassionate, dig deep, and know that you are worth it. And even though it’s almost like spiritual compensation where I have landed, I was prepared to go wherever I had to go. It didn’t matter because I knew if I worked the program I would be fine.
Things will start coming as you keep opening space believing in yourself and caring for yourself. And it’s not too late. You just need to start. You know, I kept telling myself, stop waiting. Just start. You know, it’s never going to be a perfect situation. You just have to start. And we all can do that. We can.
And, in just the basics, so within, so without, it’s what Mel has been drilling in our heads. And it’s being understood intellectually until you start opening space and getting more healed. Then you realize it’s your inner world. That is your real world.
That’s the reality. Your external world, we live in this world, this 3D world, we have to deal with it, but we don’t have to be dictated by it, right?
So it’s the only way you will be self-generative. It’s the only way you will be happy. It’s the only way you’re going to have the love and approval that you seek is through here. And it’s all so possible and it is happening. Thanks to NARP. It really is.
Oh Lorraine, thank you so much. I’m sure people’s cells will be buzzing with love and possibility and you know, you’re amazing. I’m so grateful for you and being a part of our awesome community and thank you for being a dear Thriver and also you know, a dear friend.
Thank you so much and lots of love to everybody.
Thank you. You’re amazing.
I hope that you enjoyed this Thriver Talk with Lorraine and that it has helped you feel that no matter how old you are, or how long the abuse has happened, there is hope!
For more details about NARP – The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program, check it out here.
I look forward to answering your comments and questions below!