Thriver TV Special : Thriver Talk With Anita

Thriver Talks Special With Lorraine

 

Today I’m sharing with you an incredibly important Thriver Talk with Lorraine.

Lorraine is inspirational. She has been out of her narcissistic relationship for only 4 ½ months and is Thriving!

She feels great, she looks great and she is the happiest she can remember being.

You may ask, are you sure she was with a narcissist? Yes, she was.

Maybe she couldn’t have been terribly broken? She was.

Lorraine had suffered major adrenal issues, chronic depression, thyroid problems, and regular breakdowns, and her life had been falling apart for YEARS previously.

“Years” being the operative word …

Lorraine had been with her ex-narcissist for 45 years in TOTAL!

He was all she had ever known her entire adult life. And he had controlled her most of that time. She did not have her own security, job, or life!

Like so many women in her position, she had been too terrified to leave. Lorraine did not even think it would be possible to …

until everything changed for her.

I’d love you to watch Loraine’s interview to discover, not only HOW Lorraine got the strength, but also took her power back, got him to capitulate, and left with hardly ANY fallout or aftershock at all!

Now at 66 years of age, Lorraine is happier and more excited about her future than she could ever imagine being!

If you too have been stuck, worn down, and think there is no way to leave, get well and this is a Thriver Talk you don’t want to miss!

If you have not yet subscribed to my YouTube channel or followed me on Facebook, please do so, and I’d love for you to share my work with others who need it. I’d also love for you to connect with me on Rumble and Instagram.

 

 

Video Transcript

Melanie
Welcome beautiful Thriver community, Mel here. I am so excited because we have a Thriver Talk today and this is a Thriver talk that I know a lot of our community really waiting for and would like to hear about because I have with me the lovely Lorraine. Lorraine, thank you so much for coming forward.

Lorraine
Thank you, Mel. So thrilled and honored to be here.

Melanie
Where the Lorraine’s story is so powerful is because she had 45 years, all of her adult life really, with a narcissistic partner. We’re going to talk about that journey today and about how Lorraine liberated herself.

I know that there are a lot of people in our community, dear listeners, who are going through this, you have either been stuck in a long-term narcissistic relationship and maybe you’re still there and you don’t know how you’re going to get out and survive and reboot your life and maybe you have left but you are still deeply traumatized and in aftershock and haven’t broken through to what we call the other side.

So, with great joy here is Lorraine. Lorraine, we’re going to jump straight in. So 45 years is, is an enormous time. Now I’d love you to share with everybody how bad your breakdown was of yourself and what was going on in that relationship and where did it end up?

Lorraine
Well, with that long of a marriage, you can imagine there’s more than one breakdown, but you know, I didn’t know what I was dealing with for many, many years.

Only three years into the marriage, I saw some cracks and in retrospect, it was always about power and control, especially financial abuse and control. And I was such a good girl. I just thought, okay, this is what marriage is. I just have to go along to get along and be the best wife I can and so forth.

I entered into this relationship as a strong independent woman, 22 years old, just graduated from college, moved to a metropolitan area, met him, the typical story male, instant connection, thought I’d hit the jackpot.

He was smart and funny and intelligent and ambitious and charming and treated me like a queen. And I, you know, I had never been treated so well, wined and dined and lived together for five years. Many thought I was on top of the world until three years in and pregnant with my first son, getting into our first property, a condo and the money.

Control and power started and other ways of control. And, you know, and it just one thing led to another. I had another son, we moved to another house, another community. It was decided I would be home with the children and he used it as another device of control with him being money is power, that was his thing.

I had none and it caused a lot of health issues for me, which kept me down and complacent in a lot of ways. I suffered horribly from depression, just deep depression. Most of the time I was depressed more than I wasn’t. It was hard. I tried, I just soldiered on. I just was trying to be a good mother and did everything I needed to do. And I had very bad adrenal issues and thyroid issues. I had no energy, and brain fog constantly.

I don’t know how I got through it when I look back. I had half a life, you know, aches and pains, weight gains, weight loss, anxiety, never feeling safe. Just, but then as in many marriages and relationships like this, there’s just enough crumbs of good stuff to keep you going, you know?

And I just, I knew deep down this was wrong. It wasn’t right. It was crazy-making. There were days when he was at work and the kids were at school, I would just go in the car to a remote area and scream my head off. I just was so beside myself, knowing something was horribly wrong and not knowing what to do, feeling so helpless, hopeless, and powerless.

I was constantly hitting my head against the wall to figure this out, figure him out, make things better.

Melanie
Yeah, and I just want to jump in and talk about that Lorraine, because I know that you were spiritual for a lot of years and a lot of people who have been in toxic relationships have reached out to spirituality and truth-seeking and, and are often avid people trying to improve ourselves and heal ourselves to heal our relationships. So what did you do? Like what did you read or what did you connect to?

Lorraine
Well, when the pendulum swung and I was feeling a tiny bit better, I would, a lot of the people you’ve mentioned, you know, Louise Hay, Wayne Dyer, Joe Dispenza, I would just read lots of other people. Neale Donald Walsh, I would take classes, I would do affirmations, I would do meditations, I would, I did theta healing, I did herbology, I did nutrition, I did, you know, I did everything. And I learned a lot.

And it felt good in the interim, it helped a little. But as I learned from you later, the missing link really was getting the trauma out, shifting the trauma as somatic. You can’t, as you always eloquently say, you can’t just put ice cream on poop, and it’s just not going to work.

Melanie
Which was the late Debbie Ford’s expression and I loved it from the moment I heard it because it’s such a great visual and the trauma is the poop and we have to get it out.

Lorraine
Yes, it got me to the next point and the next point until another downward turn. And it was just this back and forth constantly and no semblance of self. And just each time you just lost a little more of yourself and got more hopeless. Yes, yes, you know.

Melanie
A lot of us never would have got through 45 years. So that shows how strong you were and your coping mechanisms to a point, even though you’re breaking down, keep you there. And also too, it’s a big deal, you know, when that’s all you’ve known to get out of a relationship.

Lorraine
Right. I invested so much in this relationship and didn’t want to break up my family, but knew at a gut level that, how could I stay in this marriage? And it took a few more breakdowns for me to finally, finally wake up. And for many years, I didn’t know he was a narcissist. I just knew he was toxic.

And that, you know, I think I’ve had several breakdowns, but the first one was really finding out when his career took off in high tech that he was travelling a lot constantly. And I was home alone with the kids and he’s gone two weeks, three weeks at a time to Asia and other places.

And I found out he was engaging in sexual liaisons, you know, one-off ones. And my world was rocked and completely broken.

And yet what was really, that part was bad, but the worst part was facing myself in the mirror and seeing and knowing that I was the type of woman that was too, I was so codependent and so traumatized and so scared about leaving that I couldn’t even then.

And, a few more breakdowns happened and he had vision issues, but always had good corrective lenses. things that started going downhill for his vision and he couldn’t drive anymore when we moved to this other state. But he decided to use it as a device of control.

That, oh, since I need you to take, I did all the driving, which I had no problem with, I never complained. I was happy to help him, but he decided consciously, oh, I can control her even more now, I can control her whereabouts.

Melanie
So how did you find out about our Thriver community? How did that happen?

Lorraine
Well, after we moved to this other state, I reconnected with an old college friend. She had found out about your NARP program and she told me about it. I was blown away because I had just recently found out from my research that he was a narcissist and that was enough of a shock.

So finding out about NARP was what broke everything open for me. I finally had a way. I wanted to leave my marriage. I just didn’t feel, I didn’t know how I could do it. I was so entrenched, so trauma-bonded. And then I had names for everything. I had names for the cognitive dissonance, the peptide addiction and everything I was feeling. You know, I could finally say I’m not crazy here.

Melanie
So it explained what was going on. So what happened when you started doing the modules? Cause you were still with him at the time. So what happened for you?

 


 

Lorraine
Some space opened up inside me. I could see that okay I was scared to death but I was going to babystep this and I did I kept at it, even on days I didn’t feel like it, and more and more space opened up and more and more grace, more and more compassion for myself happened.

The way you design the modules is, in retrospect, so beautiful. You totally understand the process we go through, going from one to the next to the next. I just followed along. I didn’t try to jump around, and it really helped, you know, and it in the process was just so true on how what you go to next, and next.

I just kept at it and the lockdown happened so I had no excuses. I turned, you know, the lockdown was horrible for everyone, no doubt. But since I was stuck there with him and I wasn’t, I couldn’t physically leave right away but I knew if I just stuck to it, I could. And I did and I turned my thinking around about the lockdown and said, you know what, it’s probably the best thing that ever happened to me because I had no excuses. I had nowhere to go.

No people to see. I had my privacy. I went into one part of the house. He went in the other with his projects. And I said I’m closing this door. I’m meditating to feel better. And you know, he didn’t know about it, of course, and he didn’t like it, but after a while, he got used to it. So I would spend half my days in there, NARPing and journaling and inner work. Yes, yes. And…

Melanie
You were in there doing the inner work, getting the trauma out, getting the light in.

Lorraine
There was lots of help. Your blogs are amazing. I would read them over and over. And it just, you would always, you would just find every angle on every subject and fill it completely. So you’re always hitting something. Something was always resonating. Or if I didn’t understand it, I did it. I did understand it in another month or two months or whatever. And your videos were amazing. And, you know, Thriver videos, you know, were incredible and getting me encouraged to keep going.

You know that healing is not linear, you’re going all over the place with it, but if you stick to it and stick with NARP, you know what she says and what she says will happen if you stick to it really does happen. If it can happen for me, a 66-year-old woman who spent her whole adult life being narcissistically abused and that I could dig myself out of that hole and get through. You can too. I know you can.

This whole community, I’ve taken many classes from you and we have a strength we don’t even know. You know, because if we’re in this community, we’re strong. We may not feel strong every day, but we’re strong. And we know deep down that we are worthy and until we can get the debris out of the way, you know, just like the saying goes, the sun is always shining. You just have to get the clouds out of the way.

Melanie
It’s so true. Yeah. And just to unpack that a little bit, you know, what I love about that. Yeah. Look COVID, you know, put you in that situation, but what we find with all of our Thrivers, including beautiful people like you Lorraine, is we’ve had long-term people even in their eighties, get out to the other side.

Lorraine
Yes, and that encouraged me.

Melanie
Yeah, yeah, which is so beautiful. And by the way, you look amazing for 66. What I love about all of our thrivers when the traumas out and the light gets in, you start glowing. You know, it’s

Lorraine
Look what I found. I found my smile again.

Melanie
Your cells are smiling. And I just want people to understand and I say it all the time, the blogs and the blogs and my videos are supplements, but the true inner work that makes the difference 100% of the time is “the trauma out the light in” which is the actual modules and then the supplements help give you the guidance, the encouragement, the understanding. But understanding is not innerstanding. Information is not transformation.

So people Lorraine are going to be pretty shocked to hear you’ve only been out of the marital house for four and a half months. You are basically not suffering aftershock.

Lorraine
That’s right.

Melanie
Aftershock is that phenomenon where most people leave and you may have people tell you, well, you’ve left, you’re going to be all right now. You’re not because the trauma from yesterday, last week, last month, last year hit you like a freight train.

And a lot of people go back or a lot of people get on medication or just all sorts of things to try and cope because you feel like you’re dying. You feel like you’re losing your mind. Now you’ve barely gone through that.

Now I know the reason. I see the night and day recoveries and the day recoveries are you clean out any triggers with NARP, you keep working the modules and healing and you’re doing speedy shifts now aren’t you too?

Lorraine
I am, I mean, I, oh, I can’t tell you how happy I am with Speedy Shifts. I feel like, you know, when our parents talked about, you know, when they were young, they had to walk five miles through the snow to get to school and whatever it’s like.

Now, you know, from the other NARP to Speedy NARPs, it’s like quantum, you know, upleveling. And anyone, get Speedy Shifts. If you’re new to NARP, do the NARP. Because you need to have that basis. I really do believe that. And there are some SpeedyNarp modules as well now, which I’ve done and which are fabulous.

My god, you got eight minutes, then get in there and do it. And I’ve done it from day one of leaving my ex and I’m not going to stop. I’m, I’m hooked. It’s the way, it’s the only way is the quantum way. And once you feel it and once you do it and really feel the difference, you’re never going back. You can’t go back to the way you lived before. You just can’t.

Melanie
It’s beautiful. And yeah, I love it when you left him, because it was you just basically declared it and did it, didn’t you? You were in your power.

Lorraine
I surprised myself.

I was done when I was done, I was done. And I worked through a lot of the fears. I worked those modules big time, especially the one about not taking responsibility for him in regards to his vision disability. It was probably my last bastion of feeling a little guilty or whatever, but I worked on that. I cleared it and I addressed it on day one with him.

I spoke my truth to that man for six weeks. He tried to work on me to change my mind and I wasn’t changing my mind.

But every time I told him my truth, it got easier and easier. And I was able to disconnect, and I was the leader of the whole process. I was willing to, um, lose it all to, to get it all, but I had a plan and I knew what he needed and wanted and I leveraged it. So I think I surprised him. He’s a big businessman, type A person. He did not expect that from me.

Yes. So it was only four months that we went through the process at home together until I left. It wasn’t a long time. And I kept to myself and didn’t let him enter into my space. And he had no choice but to capitulate.

Melanie
I love this Lorraine because here’s the thing, you know, outside there in the normal non MTE non-Thriver narcissistic abuse recovery program world, everybody believes we can’t stand up to them. They’re too manipulative. They win in court. They’re all powerful and they literally are the Wizard of Oz behind the curtain pulling levers with this whole smoke screen pyromaniac show. It’s not true.

Lorraine
Exactly. I love that analogy. It’s so him.

Melanie
Because when we get rid of the trauma and align with Source and stand, they capitulate and it happens all the time in this community.

Lorraine
Yes, yes, and especially was helpful in the last few months before I told them we were divorcing. I didn’t ask for the divorce, I told them. And I got a lot of support and help in there, and especially for that. I mean, all through the process, of course.

And I bought the gold and your people are wonderful, the moderators, and you’ve created such an amazing safe space because we’ve all been on the other kinds of forums, and those are not fun.

Melanie
Thank you. Because this is the bunker, this is the battlefield of complete insane toxicity, narcissistic abuse, and being able to disentangle from you. And what comes with NARP is incredible support from the quantum untangling point of view, but also from the practical point of view, because there’s nothing that we haven’t seen in this community over the last 17 years, which is the insanity, which is narcissistic abuse.

Lorraine
That’s the key.

Melanie
We know what they’re going to do. We know their next steps. We know how to get you aligned. We know how to get you to stand up. We know how to help you deal with solicitors and judges to turn that system back to supporting you.

So you beat him!

Lorraine
Yes, and you know, so many of your community don’t have a support network. And that’s what you were providing for so many women and men. It’s absolutely essential. You can’t really do this on your own. If you think you can, it’s going to be very difficult. And the kind of support that Melanie’s organization and her, the NARP, and all the other programs she has in the forum, it’s invaluable folks. It’s a no-brainer.

Melanie
I’m looking at you and you’re just like, you are glowing. You look like you’ve been on collagen supplements for six months!

Lorraine
Well, I can’t tell you how wonderful it is to live life without that toxic energy permeating everything. And it just is night and day. And then to continue to work the program, because you’re doing it within a different with much gusto now because it really is all for you. You’re not about just getting out of the relationship. It’s all for you now.

And now you’re soul-driven. You want to do what your soul imprints, what you need to do, what you want to do in this life. You’re not afraid of the unknown as much, because in the unknown, all the possibilities exist. All of them. And all you’ll find in the unknown is more of yourself. And that’s everything. And you know, we lived in such a limited thinking life and world, and now we don’t have to think that way anymore.

There are new rules. We’re following universal laws. We are creating new rules that support us, you know? So, thanks to you and your program.

Melanie
Oh, Lorraine, I think you should be a motivational speaker. That’s just so gorgeous and so from the quantum heart that you’re sharing that.

Lorraine
Yes, you know, the unknown is like the quantum field. It’s all the possibilities are there. That’s it.

Melanie
So you moved out. Who are you who are you living with now and what are your next steps?

Lorraine
Well, I’m very, very fortunate. I have a wonderful, loving family, three sisters and a mom, and my oldest sister and her husband knew what was going on. I confided in them. In fact, she helped me buy NARP because he’s so controlling about every little charge.

She did it as a gift because she wanted that for me. And I was just touched by that. And they went a bit further. They built a beautiful home out in the country. lots of green and a river and 35 acres.

And they said, please come, we have room for you, plenty of room, come live with us as long as you want and heal and just be, we want that for you. And they’re the kindest, loving, generous people and they have the most beautiful relationship in marriage. And they are such a good example for me.

It’s been wonderful to be here. I came here, I’m just living, just being and feeling good and, you know, working on whatever triggers may be coming up and doing the program and, but doing it, and like I said, in a whole different way with the speedy shifts and some of the NARP speedy shifts. And it’s, I don’t know, it’s more fun because it’s all about me and the possibilities.

I’m in your Thrive program right now, and I’m coming up to week 10 and I’m just, you know, it’s just been amazing. I knew about this program from day one. And you know, it was a dream to be able to take that when I was on the other side. I mean, I thought sometimes I couldn’t get there, but I did. And it has not disappointed.

Melanie
I love that.

Lorraine
If you haven’t done it, you’ve got to take it, if you’re on the other side and you’re having struggles or you just need a little boost, you’ve got to take her Thrive Program. It will really up level you. It really will. It’ll get you really going on your new life and addressing, and she is on fire. You know, it’s one of a private group.

She is on fire and throwing wisdom around and you know, you have the recordings and. I’m going to be re-listening to them and I’ve got a list of shifts going on.

And I highly recommend it. So, and after that, I’m just going to have some plans to do some training online and try a new vocation as a freelance worker. And you know, I don’t know if I’ll like it if I’ll do it. You know, it might lead to something else. I don’t care because I’m quantum now.

I just put one foot in front of the other. I go within. I put out there what I want, not goodies, how I want to feel. Because I can create my life. I get to decide how I feel, not from the outside in. Okay. I’m building a garden in here and creating my life.

Melanie
I love that. It’s my deepest wish that you can inspire one person, but I know you’re going to inspire many. I really do.

Lorraine
Exactly. I am happy to!

Melanie
I guess for a lot of people who have been in a long-term marriage, it’s like a big thing to accept help. It’s a huge thing for a lot of codependents who have been used to holding everything up themselves.

Lorraine
It was, it was very hard for me.

Melanie
I met a woman years ago and I don’t know where she is now I’d love to have her on but she was with a very wealthy successful powerful narcissist. She had nowhere to go. She went to a shelter in her 60s she did the program and she healed. Then an old friend from decades ago got in contact with a very similar story, who worked out in the country, had an art gallery.

She went and stayed, started learning sculpting, worked in the art gallery, met a beautiful man, got married, and gained this whole new community because she was working at cleaning out the trauma, bringing the light and this is exactly what I see for you.

Source/God/Creation gives you the next step and it’s all moving towards your well-being, your flourishing, your nourishing, your true self, your true life. It’s because it’s already who we are without the trauma. So you are so on track. You’re so beautiful. You’re so inspiring. I think you are stunning inside and out. You are the kind of woman who would walk into a room and light it up because you’re lit up from the inside and you’re just beautiful!

Lorraine, do you have any passing thoughts or words of encouragement that you could say to our beautiful listeners?

Lorraine
Yes, well for the long-married folks and of course the other ones as well, it’s just, you know, be compassionate, dig deep, and know that you are worth it. And even though it’s almost like spiritual compensation where I have landed, I was prepared to go wherever I had to go. It didn’t matter because I knew if I worked the program I would be fine.

Things will start coming as you keep opening space believing in yourself and caring for yourself. And it’s not too late. You just need to start. You know, I kept telling myself, stop waiting. Just start. You know, it’s never going to be a perfect situation. You just have to start. And we all can do that. We can.

And, in just the basics, so within, so without, it’s what Mel has been drilling in our heads. And it’s being understood intellectually until you start opening space and getting more healed. Then you realize it’s your inner world. That is your real world.

That’s the reality. Your external world, we live in this world, this 3D world, we have to deal with it, but we don’t have to be dictated by it, right?

So it’s the only way you will be self-generative. It’s the only way you will be happy. It’s the only way you’re going to have the love and approval that you seek is through here. And it’s all so possible and it is happening. Thanks to NARP. It really is.

Melanie
Oh Lorraine, thank you so much. I’m sure people’s cells will be buzzing with love and possibility and you know, you’re amazing. I’m so grateful for you and being a part of our awesome community and thank you for being a dear Thriver and also you know, a dear friend.

Thank you so much and lots of love to everybody.

Lorraine
Thank you. You’re amazing.

I hope that you enjoyed this Thriver Talk with Lorraine and that it has helped you feel that no matter how old you are, or how long the abuse has happened, there is hope!

For more details about NARP – The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program, check it out here.

And, for the Speedy Shift healing evolution for fast trauma healing in minutes – find out more details here.

I look forward to answering your comments and questions below!



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Thriver TV Special : Thriver Talk With Anita

Thriver TV Special : Thriver Talk With Anita

I’m so delighted to introduce Anita, one of the bravest and strongest members of our Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program.

I have known Anita for a couple of years now, as a student of mine as well as a program member. And it has been an absolute honour and joy to witness her journey through the incredible traumas she has faced.

For many of you, it may be difficult to imagine what Anita has lived through. She has endured an abusive relationship with her narcissistic mother and has gone through the incredibly tumultuous and painful experience of a divorce with a narcissist.

But not only did she survive… she excelled in the face of it all. She and her dream team of lawyers achieved a powerful court case win despite enduring multiple obstacles.

So, to begin her story, let’s start with her narcissistic mother. All of it exploded in 2020 when Anita had been stuck in quarantine in Guatemala. She got back home, and two weeks in, her mother passed away from a stroke. Of course, this was a traumatic experience for Anita, but it was also made so much worse by what her mother did in her will.

It took Anita a while before she could understand why this was. With the help of an incredibly dear friend who saw through the situation, Anita got the NARP Gold package and dove right in.

Despite not quite understanding what NARP was or what it was doing, Anita went through it. And it was through it that she had a breakdown that enabled all the memories of her ritualistic abuse to return. For almost an entire year, she was in the valley of the shadow of death, feeling sick to her bones all the time and wanting to die every second.

But from here, something amazing happened. Anita started to use NARP to shift her life in her favour. She shifted her focus towards her trauma and set her mind to creating the optimal conditions for a successful court case.

Through trial and error, she eventually found the right mix of shifts to honour her values and truths. And it’s what separates her from most “victims”… she was unafraid of fighting back and honing her power – through her shifts – to reclaim her life and legal victory!

 

 

Video Transcript

Mel:
Welcome, dear friends, to this Thriver TV story. If you have not yet subscribed to my YouTube channel, please do so, and I’d love for you to share my work with others who need it.

And I have the absolute joy and pleasure of introducing Anita, one of the bravest people I’ve ever met. She’s a dear friend.

I’ve known her for a couple of years as a Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program member. She’s also been a student of mine, and I just love her to pieces. And Anita, thank you for coming forward and sharing your story.

Anita:
Well, thank you for inviting me, Mel. It’s a real honour. Thank you.

Mel:
And I know, Anita, that there are so many details of your story from the narcissistic mum, which we’re going to go into, and your experience of ritualistic abuse, which is a topic that a lot of people don’t want to talk about. And I’m thrilled that you are talking about it because you’re not the first person in this community who’s come forward with that trauma.

And also, you went through a tumultuous, painful divorce from a narcissist. But you ended up being able to create and win a really powerful court case. And you had your dream legal team.

But anyway, okay, I digress. Well, so the situation with your narcissistic mum kind of all exploded in 2020. Share with us what happened there.

Anita:
Yeah, I’d been locked down in Guatemala, where I worked with cacao. I got back. I quarantined with my mother. And then, two weeks in, she died of a stroke. And I was very traumatized by what she’d done in her will, which was distinctly narcissistic, shall we say. And a very dear friend of mine, who was already on the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program, said, “Anita, it looks like your mother was a narcissist.”

And he very, very kindly bought me the NARP Gold package. And so, I diligently started doing the shifts, even though I didn’t understand what I was doing. I went through all the shifts, and that’s how I started working with NARP initially.

Mel:
So, the original stuff you were working on with NARP, were they to do with your mum, ex-husband, or a combination of both?

Anita:
At the time, it was just the stuff coming up with my mother. And the recognition that I’d been abused by her all my life and that there was a name for it, and it was called narcissistic personality disorder. I just thought she was an evil distortion of what a mother should be, but it was a relief to be able to put a label on it, so to speak, and find other people had been victims of that sort of behaviour.

Mel:
Exactly. Coming into our community is an eye-opener for many people because it’s like, “Oh, my gosh, this isn’t just my story. This is so many people’s story as well.” Okay. Because she passed away. So, when you started doing the modules, what happened to you?

Anita:
So, when I started doing the modules, there wasn’t much happening initially. I had to go through a fairly big breakdown for the modules to start working. And that breakdown involved a very acrimonious divorce with my former husband, where he announced that he was going to help himself to half of my property. He stole my business and took away pretty much everything of value to me.

Mel:
Very typical.

Anita:
Fairly standard with that sort of personality.

But I hadn’t realized that he was displaying all the attributes and qualities of a narcissist. So, I had a nervous breakdown. And then, from there, all the memories of the ritual abuse came back. And I went through a year of the valley of the shadow of death, as I like to call it, where every single second of the day, I just wanted to die.

The memories were so painful that every single cell in my body felt sick, and I was on the verge of ending it all when one of the NARP programs popped up in my inbox, and I thought, “This is my last chance, saloon. It’s either this or not being here.” Yeah.

Mel:
When we first connected, I remember you had that spark of life and hope. You are a slither of what you are today. You could see that there was this beautiful, amazing woman who was hanging on her last thread. And I’ve seen this a lot with people from ritualistic abuse who are activated into it, and the trauma is so huge. But you had it all going on everywhere.

The mum, the ritualistic abuse, the husband, the ex taking your property, taking your business, taking every part of you. So, okay, what happened next?

Anita:
Yeah. Well, I would look on the NARP Community Forum and see thrivers and NARPers having these spectacular court wins, and I thought, “How the hell am I going to get there? This is just impossible. How am I going to get from here, where I am now, in this place of just absolute desolation, fearing that I’m going to be made destitute, unable to engage with the legal process?” I was even unable to speak about it because I was so traumatized. “How am I going to be able to get from this place to a spectacular court win?” It just seemed beyond me.

So, I just kept shifting. My biggest breakthrough was a shift where I suddenly thought, “Oh, my God, I’m going to target the trauma in my body that’s generating the blocks and obstacles to my engaging with the legal process.”

Yeah, and it was like, bam, everything shifted. I was able to operate from a place of analysis and logic and deduction, as well as a kind of soul sermon if you like. I mean, that one shift cleared away so much and enabled me to operate from a position of power and ownership in this divorce process.

And then, from there, I became more and more adept at steering the course of the shifts and tailoring them to create the conditions, if you like, and attract the right people so that I’d be able to honour myself, honour my values and truths, which I’d never actually known what they were in the first place. So, it was like a multidimensional process as well, focused around the court case.

 


 

Anita:
So, all this stuff just came flooding in. It was like, “Oh, my God, I am worth something. Oh, my God, my business is worth something. All that equity that I put into that business that he’s stolen, that was worth something. My rights, my truths, my values they’re valuable to me.

And in honouring them, I’m honouring my soul and my soul path, and the creator of which I’m part of creation.”

It was multi-dimensional. It was a huge and even further spiritual awakening. So it made it more engageable, if you like, this court process, knowing that it was part of a bigger spiritual picture.

Mel:
That’s so well put. And it’s so true. And all of our ascension and healing and well-being, including finances represents the sole value. It’s the health, it’s the mental, it’s the emotional, it’s the spiritual, it’s all of those things combined.

So, what was the outcome in court? I know when you told me, I’m just like, what? That’s so cool. And witnessing stuff happening, like a big shift. And people listening to this, I know, because out in the normal non-quantum world, what happens is people are like, well, you can’t beat narcissists in court since the court and solicitors and judges are a part of the narcissistic system.

And it is, even for normal things, it can be awful. But in line with the quantum law of so within-so without, when we shift on the inside, massive things happen. So, yeah, explain what happened.

Anita:
Yeah. So I went from a place of being unable to engage with the process, even speaking to my solicitor about what had been going on, and trying to explain that I was with a psychopathic narcissist and everything was not going in my favour. We had a financial dispute resolution. It was like a second hearing. And I got pasted. I was painted as a greedy, grasping woman who wanted to keep every single penny from the marriage, and he was painted as this poor kind of trodden-over husband.

Anyway, I couldn’t have felt more battered, so I had to crawl off and do more shifts. And I thought, no, this doesn’t feel right. This isn’t aligned with my soul truth. And despite what my solicitor told me, she said, “Oh no, you’re just going to have to go to give him 50% of the property.” I said, “No, this does not feel right and is not aligned with my soul. No.”

Mel:
You are supposed to instruct your solicitor, not the other way around. And we fall for that stuff all the time. So yeah, keep going.

Anita:
So I sacked her.

Mel:
Yeah. Good.

Anita:
I found through a friend a spectacular lady who was described as lethal, and she certainly was. She prepared me a magnificent case, and I hoped it wouldn’t get to a final hearing, but the other half wanted a final hearing. He wanted his day in court. He wanted to annihilate me.

So she had recommended a barrister, who was an absolute super sleuth. And I have to say, I called in my perfect legal team. Now, he’d read my case notes because he was diligent, and he was like, “Something’s not right here.” So we went into the final hearing, and we broke for lunch. I had to give my evidence. I was just about to go up into the witness box.

And what had happened before that was that in real-time during the court, they’d uncovered that my former husband was concealing his assets, and he’d been lying and perjuring himself in court. And so I got an amazing deal. I didn’t have to give evidence in the end, his solicitors came back and said, “Right, okay, we have to make a deal,” because he was screwed.

So I was just in shock. I couldn’t believe it. I broke down in tears. It was just the most amazing, miraculous thing that had ever happened. And I was thinking, I’m going to need a miracle to sort this shit out. And I got one. Yeah, I got one.

Mel:
And Anita, we see it all the time. We see that an internal shift can be an outer thing. And that’s what you were listening to when people said, “Well, I had this miracle.” We’ve had cases where the narcissist broke down and couldn’t get to the court, and the judge decided without them, and the most incredible synchronicity has happened. So I’m so thrilled.

So what I love about that is you honoured yourself. When we’re in the fear and when we’re in the trauma and we don’t feel like an authority, and we don’t have value, we’re not listening to that inner voice. And when that solicitor said, “Well, you’ve got to take that deal,” we’re in fear and trauma, we just do that. We go along, and we end up getting throttled.

But you’ve done enough to have a shift inside you to listen to your guidance and stand in it and move with that. And then that moves universes. And that’s exactly what happened. So when did your friend recommend the new solicitor who was ruthless? Was it after you shifted and chose to go your own way?

Anita:
Oh, that was my choice. It was like I had this internal sat nav, a moral compass aligned with my soul, that was getting stronger and stronger and stronger, like a strongly beating heart. And I felt like I had to honour it, regardless of what solicitors were saying, regardless of what the judge had said. It was like I had to honour myself.

It felt very empowering doing that and discerning that my current solicitor was very mediocre and calling in someone who was powerful, incisive, who was intelligent, and who was strong. And I did that through shifting and through intention setting.

Yeah. And always I was going back to the forum. I was getting inspiration from the community, just reading about successes. I was getting inspiration from-

Mel:
And for people, that’s our global community, the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program Community Forum, a private community where all members can get coaching and support 24/7/365. But yeah, they’re amazing in there.

Anita:
Yeah. So I mean, I would say to all NARPers, take a moment to be still and go inside and feel into what your truths and your values are. And if it doesn’t feel right to you, regardless of what a judge is saying, a solicitor is saying, or anyone else is saying, it’s got to feel right to you.

And if it feels right to you, then there’s a way to be able to get the support that you need and call it in. Please work with your shifts to get to the place of honouring your soul and your values, whatever they are and however they’re expressed in the material world, whether that’s your property, your business or your child.

Mel:
Yeah, very good. Beautiful share. It is so important not just to accept or believe that you’re up against a narcissist; you’re going to get throttled, and there’s nothing you can do. It’s just not true. These people get quite powerless, and they unravel when we step into our power, and that’s what’s so exciting. They’re not as tough as what they make out to be at all.

So, Anita, like the breakdown, I want to talk a bit more about that.  I want you to share with people how bad it was and how you felt when you were in that place.

Anita:
That was possibly the toughest period of my life. I didn’t think I was going to get through it. I didn’t think I’d be here now. Every single cell in my body felt like it was sick. I just felt like I was dying a million times across all my lifetimes and into my soul. It was horrific and inescapable. I couldn’t escape from this torment and the memories that were coming up.

My inner world was on steroids and acid. It was quite horrible. I mean, I can look back on it now and kind of laugh about it, which is a testament to the amount of inner work that’s taken place.

But when I came back to doing some deeper work with NARP, I was literally at the Last Chance Saloon. I thought, “If this doesn’t work, I’m going to end it because I can’t bear being in this body anymore. I can’t bear it.” It was just horrific. And I had done some great work with some amazing shamanic healers.

Mel:
I remember you saying.

Anita:
Yeah. I’ve trained and qualified as a shamanic practitioner myself, so I knew what was going on on a multidimensional level, and even then, it was just unbearable. Although I say, without that, I guess I would’ve been even more confused. So, at least I had that perspective and the shifts as well to be able to clear all this stuff out of my body.

But yeah, MTE Support were amazing. I know at the time you had Violet, and I reached out to Violet several times, and she was like a lifeline. She knew intuitively how to support me and what to say. Honestly, those MTE members were like angels during that time. All I did for a year was maybe lie on my bed and shift. That’s all I could do. I could barely leave the house. I was in a state of very, very deep depression. And looking back on it now, it was like a different lifetime.

Mel:
So, how did it start feeling different? What happened?

Anita:
My internal world shifted, and that was reflected in my external world. My external world had, for pretty much all of my life, been very haphazard and chaotic, and I started to see more structure. This is all taking place at the same time as the court hearing, so I was able to bring more structure into my life.

I was able to show up for myself more and make choices that were based on a deeper soul level rather than informed by trauma, bad habits, patterns, or addictions.

Mel:
I remember back then the battles that you were having with certain decisions, as we can all do before we start healing enough that are self-sabotage and self-harming, which align with how we’re not valuing ourselves, and you started to come out of that.

It’d be so interesting to show people the pictures, the photos of the Anita I met, and the glowing beautiful creature that you are now because you are. You’re just stunning. It’s like two different people.

Anita:
Yes, I agree with you. I just want to say to all the NARPers out there who are struggling with addictive patterns and behaviours that I had all the addictions except for heroin, crack, and gambling. I was addicted to alcohol, substances, sugar, dairy, and nicotine. I was addicted to a party lifestyle, sex, drugs, and rock and roll.

Just all the stuff. I mean, at the time, I didn’t realize that what I was trying to do was to distract myself from my inner world. Like I said, I want to say to all the NARPers out there, with the shifting, I noticed that these addictions were diminishing. I would reach for them less. It was as if my body didn’t want them, my soul didn’t want them, or I didn’t need them. And gradually, it’s almost as if they began diminishing of their own accord.

So I didn’t have to use my will or force myself into refusing these patterns. It was as if the internal battle had just vanished. There just wasn’t even a battle anymore. It just wasn’t even a thing, which was such a wonderful reward. And I’d made space for other things to come in. I’d made space for nourishing interests and hobbies and people to come into my life. And so I started to be able to choose that.

Mel:
I know some of the people you’ve connected with who are gorgeous in your world, in the U.K., and the stuff you do, and they’re stunning people.

Anita:
Yeah. And so rather than connecting, again, with abusive people or parasitic people or people who didn’t value me, I was connecting with loving and genuine people – people who valued me, and who saw me and who understood me.

I’ve also noticed that when I’ve reconnected with old friends, I say friends in the loosest possible term, and they haven’t aligned with this new version of me, they’ve fallen away very quickly, which is great.

Mel:
Which is great. Yeah, because it’s hard to bring people up to your level. It’s much better if they’re at your level or you’re growing together, which I love. Anita, honestly, I’ve always with you felt like, even though we’re around the same age, I felt like a bit of a mother hen.

No, I do because I’ve always loved you and seen you in your battle and seen who you are. And also, you reminded me of myself years ago. It’s not about me. It’s about you. But years ago, when I was on death’s door, and I thought I could never recover from my breakdown, and I’d been plagued with addictions all my life, although, after hearing your list, I think you had a better crack at it than I did, I think you’re right up there on the queen of addictions.

But mine were bad, too, so I saw so much of my journey in you. And I’d had some massive big trauma on just very deep sexual levels, too, which you’ve had at a much worse level. So it’s heartwarming for me to see because it was death/rebirth for you.

And what’s so exciting about you is that you are such a gifted, incredible lady. If I were in the U.K., I would attend your workshops. I seriously would. And I want to give you a big plug because Anita is… Please explain what you do.

Anybody in the U.K., we’ll put Anita’s details up so that you can connect up if you want to, and I would suggest it. So what do you do? Explain it to people.

Anita:
Yeah. So, I am a cacao ceremonialist. Cacao is the ancestral medicine of the Mayan people. And cacao has got the most wonderful, wonderful healing benefits. Cacao was there for me on my healing journey with NARP because cacao brought me into my body and allowed me to connect to the earth and also to connect to higher dimensions as well. But most importantly, she’s a medicine of embodiment.

And there were times when I couldn’t get up in the morning. I’d open my eyes and think, “Oh my God, I’m here again.” And the thing that got me out of bed was that trip to the blender to make my cacao.

I know I’ve segued, but I felt it important to share how instrumental cacao was in my healing journey.

So, I’ve been working with cacao since 2014. I serve cacao at ceremonies, and I also work as a shamanic practitioner and energy healer, sharing cacao in my one-to-one healings. And I also make chocolates. I’m very well known for the chocolate that I make, which is made in sacred space and is divinely delicious.

Mel:
You’ll have to send me some to Cape Trib. I want to try some of your chocolates.

I’m going to try some of your chocolates.

Anita:
Okay. It’s a date.

Mel:
I’ll buy some. Yeah, you have to send me some. I’d love to try them.

Anita:
Yeah, for sure. Yes, I will.

Mel:
If chocolate’s healthy, I’m all over it.

Anita:
Yeah, well, they’re healthy chocolate. So here’s a dish of my chocolates. We’ve got Radha and Krishna’s Love Garden, which is that one. That is a cardamom chocolate with crystallized ginger, pistachio and banana.

And we’ve got tantric breakfast, which is… I know. Do you fancy a tantric breakfast?

Mel:
Sounds exciting. That sounds dangerous, actually.

Anita:
Which is cayenne chocolate with a handmade brittle of cashew nuts and maple syrup, vanilla and dates.

Mel:
So you make these?

Anita:
I make those, yes. Yeah.

Mel:
Oh, my gosh.

Anita:
And they are plant-based, so they’re made with coconut milk powder, they’re made with maple sugar, and they’re made with coconut sugar. So, there’s no dairy, no cane sugar, and the base is ceremonial grade cacao, so they’re also a medicine. Yeah.

Mel:
Oh, my goodness. So look at you now that all this trauma’s out of your cells and all this creativity that bursts forth. And this is what I love so much about people who go through the dark dungeon of narcissistic abuse. To get out of it, you must let go of the trauma and get the light in.

And then when that source light comes in, you activate into soul mission and purpose. I’m so proud and excited for you. I love the stuff that you are getting out there and doing in the world now. And you’re an inspiration, Anita, and I hope that you can be an inspiration to other people still in the dark breakdown in the bowels of hell.

You and I have both been there, so Anita, what would you say to people who have come across my work? They’re looking at this community, who are in those dark places. What could you share with them?

Anita:
I’d love to say, invest in yourself. If you value yourself, but at the same time, you feel that you are disempowered and that you have no control over your life, coming to NARP is the most fantastic way to break through lifetimes.

We’re not just talking about this lifetime but also about ancestral stuff and other lifetimes. So, regardless of whether you resonate with that, this is what the shifting is all about. So we’ve got DNA codes literally in our blood, and doing the quantum healing helps to dissolve these habits and patterns that have been holding us back from being the very best versions of ourselves. And yeah, do it. Yeah.

Also, these shifts allow you to come into your body and start to make peace with your body. For many of us who’ve experienced abuse, the body is a very unsafe place to be. It’s been the platform for trauma. We don’t trust our bodies. They’ve heard other people, felt pain, and are carriers of pain. So, doing these shifts is a really beautiful way.

Engaging with the whole NARP and Quantum Freedom healing process is the most wonderful way of returning to your body and making peace with your body, learning to trust your body again, taking ownership of your body and beginning to love yourself. And that was one of the biggest takeaways that I had. Loving my body, loving myself and taking ownership of my body and my whole being.

Mel:
And you’ve become such a goddess who’s in her heart and body. When we first met, of course, you were traumatized, disconnected, disassociating and couldn’t even feel.

You’re now an embodied goddess, and I’m sure anybody looking at you and listening to you can hear it. It’s coming from your soul now.

Anita, thank you so much, darling, for coming on and for being such a special dear friend in my life and a fellow traveller. I love you to pieces.

Anita:
Oh, thank you, Mel. Thank you so much. It’s such an honour. Thank you.

Mel:
And how can people contact you if they’re in the UK to experience your cacao stuff and your products?

Anita:
Yeah. So the website is coming soon. I’ve mainly been involved in the divorce for the last two years, so the website’s been on the back burner. So, currently, I’m doing everything from my Instagram while the website is under construction. So, I post my stuff on my Instagram, and once my website is up, I’ll be posting on my website. So, if people want to reach out to me on Instagram and also take a look at my work, I’ve got a card here.

Mel:
Yeah. You need to bring it over in front of your face, so yeah. Okay. I’ll tell you what, honey. We’re going to put it up. We’ll put it up. What’s your Instagram handle?

Anita:
My Instagram handle is my name, anitabrulee_sacredhearts.

Mel:
Beautiful. Beautiful. So we’ll put that up with this interview as well, and people can find out more about cacao and get on to you, and that’s exciting. All right, honey. Thank you so much for taking this time this morning.

It’s your morning, it’s my evening, but it’s always awesome to hang out with you. And every time I see you, you look more and more beautiful, truly.

You are age-reversing. You look ten years younger than the last time I saw you. You do.

Anita:
Oh, gosh. Well, I’ve been doing the medical medium food – so lots of celery juice and healing foods. That, combined with shifting, has been amazing.

Mel:
All things are healthy, and I love it when we put combos together. It’s just so powerful. All right, gorgeous girl. Thank you, and I hope everybody watching this can be inspired to know that it’s never the end. And I love what I believe, that if you are still alive, source, God, creation hasn’t finished with you yet, and you are a perfect example of that, Anita.

Anita:
Thank you, Mel. Love you.

Mel:
I love you, too.

If you wish to access profound healing through the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program, which is now even faster and more effective with the Speedy Shifts Module additions, and be a lifetime member of our incredible Private Community, which grants you 24/7/365 support, join HERE.



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Judge’s having sex with their Marshal inside the courthouse!

Judge’s having sex with their Marshal inside the courthouse!

Clark County Nevada

September 2, 2023

 

(VIPI) Veterans In Politics International was notified back in July, stating that Nadin Cutter Clark County Family Court Judge had to take a year off for maternity leave because she was having her Deputy Marshal Nicholas Boutos child.

Let me just add to this, Judge Cutter is married this alleged affair took place on the courthouse grounds.

VIPI immediately contacted Judge Nadin Cutter and her Deputy Marshal, who is now transferred out of family court to the Regional Justice Center. But all we received were crickets.

VIPI also contacted the Presiding Judge and Chief Judge, we received information stating that this is a personal related matter.

VIPI sat on this story until today when we received additional information from the infamous Las Vegas Law Blog echoing that Judge Cutter is indeed the mother of her Deputy Marshal child and this information is in her divorce pleadings.

Also adding that other judges within the Eighth Judicial District Court currently, have sex with their Court Appointed Deputy Marshal.

We discovered that this type of behavior has been going on for decades with former judges.

The Judge, Deputy Marshal, and the courthouse are all paid by taxpayers. This is a conflict of interest.

How can these judges judge us when they make bad judgments for themselves?

This is one of the reasons the Eighth Judicial District Court arbitrarily seals cases.

They make it difficult for pro-se-litigants to see their cases on the computer. This is a violation of the 14th Amendment, which talks about a fair judiciary. Especially litigants who live out of a 25-mile radius from the courthouse.

An attorney could just log into their portal and a litigant who represents themselves has to go to the courthouse, park, take a number, and wait in line. As if their time doesn’t matter!

How fair is this?

The court is trying to force litigants from self-representation and to hide their bad behaviors, so you can’t use it against them for re-election.

This violates the US Constitution and the Nevada Supreme Court decision that states “a courthouse is of public concern”. View the Nevada Supreme Court cases Jennifer Abrams vs. Veterans In Politics International and Marshal Willick vs. Veterans In Politics International.

Is the Nevada “toothless” Judicial Disciplinary Commission going to do something about this?

 

Read More –>

Coping with Divorce Stress in Minutes

Learn a quick technique to help you find calm during the turmoil of divorce and feel more in control.

Read More –>

HOw Does FAMILY Really Work?

So you think you are ready for family court to help with the break up of your marraige, a custody dispute or allegations of domestic violence handled outside of police? 

In family court there are no juries, and you are probably going to need a lawyer to understand what is going on. For those who can’t afford a lawyer, you are going to spend a long time in the self- help line. There are words you won’t understand and processes that make no sense. If you have to represent yourself, a judge will tell you that you have to know the law, even if you have never been to law school.

The myth about community property ? That is easily avoided by claiming your ex is crazy or abusive. 

What matters most in family court? Your ex spouse’s lawyer and the assigngment of the judge. It only takes one spouse with a secret, or disgrace so great, they will pay a lawyer their life time savings  just to keep that secret from coming out. In family court there is no jury, and rarely is the media or public watching. 

Think you can’t afford a lawyer? They are going to get the money out of you someway. Retainers can run $50-100,000  and the lawyers are happy to put a lien on your house, bank accounts and paycheck to make sure they get paid. 

Any divorce or family law case will go the wrong direction with the right attorney. Divorce cases of lawyers and wealthy former spouses in Caliofrnia shows just how that looks. 

In San Diego, attorney Jeff Walker was overheard talking to his attorney buddy, Mike Young, about how to bury a domestic violence case and protect his law firm, back in 2015. Walker reportedly did not file for divorce until 2021. The six years of plotting allowed Walker to hide money from his wife through  his law firm. Money hidden in trust accounts and concealed files she would never find, or get half of. Walker told his lawyer buddies. 

In Silicon Valley, a former nanny married,  to wealthy real estate developer was approached by divorce attorneys Brad Baugh and Sharon Roper, claiming  they could get women more than their fair share in a divorce  by claiming a husband was abusive. The evil legal duo wrecked through the counnity. 

In Santa Clara County Jim Hoover was heard at WomenSV claiming he had billed $350,000 to a mother married to a a big real estate titan and never did any legal work as he threw her case. 

In Los Angeles, real estate attorney Reid Breitman was overheard telling  his attorney buddies how he would use his law firm to screw his former wife. For years before the divorce, Breitman reportedly set up slush funds with settlement money brought in by deals made with Thomas Giaradi. These deals included buying houses for attorneys and sitting judges and laundering money which the FBI did nothing about. Former Chief Justice Bigelow and divorce attorney Chrisphopher Melcher was in on the housing scam with Breitman from LA to Silicon Valley. 

These lawyers are drainig all the money from community estates and laundering much of it through their attorney trust accounts and equity found in the family homes of splitting spouses and their children. 

So how do these upper middle class families get wiped out in family court? This year, some folks have gotten together to explain how it works. 

Read More –>

No Contact The Truth

Thriver TV Special – THRIVER Talk with Christal

Are you feeling overwhelmed, exploited, and emotionally drained by a narcissistic relationship?

If so, you’re not alone. In this first of our very special Thriver Talks series, Christal discusses how she experienced this firsthand in her 13-year marriage to a benevolent narcissist.

As her health and finances suffered, she was unable to find a way to break free from the cycle of abuse.

When the COVID-19 global pandemic came around, she experienced a breakdown and was hospitalised with congestive heart failure. Christal realised that she was unsafe and needed to get out.

She explains how the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program helped her to heal her pain and rewrite her epigenetics from the ground up, allowing her to create a life of abundance and joy.

By understanding the power of boundaries, she could move on and find success in her life.

In today’s Thriver Talks Christal tells her story and how she managed to take control of her life and create her own future.

 

 

Video Transcript

Welcome to this special Thriver Talks success story. I am really thrilled to have Christal here with me today. She was in one of my group classes and I was so inspired by her story that I really believe many community members could be inspired too. So hence, why we have Christal with us today. So thank you,

Christal: Thank you, Melanie. It’s my pleasure.

Melanie: Christal, just to start, can you briefly describe your narcissistic abuse and who this person was in your life?

Christal: Well, there’s been several. The one that was the make or break was my ex-husband. He’s what’s called a benevolent narcissist. He was just wonderful in the beginning – for about three years, he was able to keep things together. But there were things from the start, like not being held accountable, and I just wanted to avoid rocking the boat. I had such a good experience with him that I always thought it work itself out or we were just turning a corner. I was with him for 13 years.

As the years went by, different things happened. I became ill one year, and my income was a problem. He was in and out of jobs, and whenever anything like that happened, he would become withdrawn and just want to talk to another friend and get with other people. He started taking it out on me and drinking heavily, spending a lot of money on lavish dinners and paying for everybody else just to make a splashy scene.

In the end, there were critical incidents. One was after a party when somebody mentioned a relationship I had been in previously. He had been drinking heavily before getting in the car to make our way home – he was driving fast on a dark road, with cattle on the road, and it was windy. He was doing almost 65, 70 miles an hour up that road and I just thought I was gone.

Melanie: Terrifying

Christal: Yeah, that was terrifying. So the following day, I told him, “Here’s a book. You have to read this book.” He cried and cleaned up his act for about a year or two.

We were still married when he started drinking heavily, and it worsened. Eventually, I lost my health.

There was another critical incident like that when I was getting attention at a work-related party because everyone was excited to have me on board for this new opportunity. The minute we got in the car, he started ripping into me, saying derogatory things and cussing. It was pretty bad.

Melanie:  What you said at the start was the need for more accountability. That is huge for somebody who doesn’t have emotional maturity or humility and whose arrogance will not allow accountability for their actions.  This is classic behaviour in narcissists. Of course, it makes you unsafe to be in there.

When you said he got his act together for about a year, was he being accountable? Was he behaving better by owning his stuff and holding his disappointments? Did he stop blaming others when things were going wrong in his life?

Christal: No, he just took the spotlight off of me and put it on other people. He’d put it on coworkers, clients, and bosses. It didn’t matter. It was always on someone other than him. He would clean up his act in certain areas for a short time but he never had it all together at once.

Melanie: It’s really key for people to understand that when dealing with narcissistic, unconscious, or immature people, they will not be met with humility, cooperation, and teamwork – whether they are friends, workmates, or romantic partners. Instead, when they have problems, they will shut down, remain arrogant, and blame everybody, including you.

As you said, he backed that off for a year. Still, he never said, “Well, this is where I could have done better, and this is where I could have healed. This is where I could have grown.” He didn’t reflect, change or put things in place in his life to enable him to have a better relationship with you and others. We might think they’re getting better, but as you said, it’s only a switching of the spotlight, which is important for everybody to understand.

Tell me about your breakdown and how bad it was before finding our beautiful community and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP).

Christal: Income was always a struggle because of the unstable lifestyle. When I tried to relate with other people healthily, he would interfere because he wanted all my attention. Any successful bond I had with an employer or clients when I was self-employed was damaged.  I started losing my finances and was in foreclosure and on a rollercoaster for a while.

The finances were never stable, and even when he was making money, he acted like he wasn’t and was hiding it.  I always felt like we were broke. I was under a lot of financial stress and stress from his personality and in fact I was still in cognitive dissonance – a sleep-like state – and hadn’t woken up yet. So here I was, dealing with all this and being very negative about myself, breaking my health.

When COVID-19 came around, I was already tired out. I saw that my marriage was not turning around this time and it couldn’t keep going like this. About two years ago, I got COVID-19 when the United States didn’t care for the nurses and doctors. I wanted to avoid being admitted to the hospital, so I tried to wait until that changed to where I knew I’d have some control over my health if I went in.

I’m small and don’t weigh much, but I put on 60 pounds of water, and my body was shutting down.

My son and daughter-in-law said, “Mom, can we take you to this hospital?”

I went in because it was run by some Catholic nuns and wasn’t in the system. They did tests, and it came out that I had congestive heart failure; 10% of my heart was functional and was ejecting blood. My stomach was distended. It looked like I was seven months pregnant – I was really sick.

Those doctors were able to hone right in and get me on the right track to save my life. I had recovered from COVID at the time, but it had attacked my heart. So that’s the state I was in.

Melanie: Sometimes these are the wake-up calls in our life to show we’ve been strong and dealing with so much for so long, and then everything can just implode. It happens to a lot of people.

Regarding the relationship, what steps had you taken to get well and have some sanity, peace, safety and emotional stability? How was that going? Were you getting better or worse?

Christal: I had read many books on communication, thinking if I did this, he’d do that.

Melanie: It’s impossible to communicate with a narcissist healthily.

Christal: It’s the most circular, crazy-making conversation in the world. It really is.

Melanie: You do think you’re going crazy.

Christal: So that wasn’t helpful.

I care for my health by being a gardener and growing my own food, so I had a healthy diet. I tried to care for myself with many positive affirmation and reinforcement. I was doing a lot of inner reflection and figuring out how to balance the different programs, but it felt like I was just jogging in place and treading water. I felt like I was drowning in a circumstances I had no control over. I was getting worse instead of better.

Melanie: Many intelligent, good-hearted, and compassionate people put much effort into their relationships. We try anything and everything to find answers, because we’re emotionally invested. It’s a huge deal for people.

Christal: He was very good at future faking. All of those things that we had planned, I was hoping that’s what would happen next. It took going through the program to learn how not to believe – it was just a setup to string me along.

 


 

Melanie: Yes, bread-crumbing is a huge thing.  Of course, we want to believe there will be a light at the end of this tunnel because we are so invested.

Speaking of NARP, what kicked that off? When you did, you think, “All right, I’m going to try this”? Did you have any reservations or resistance to the inner work? I’d love to hear about your journey with NARP.

Christal: Well, I was in a really low place and had a life vest on, which would’ve shocked me back to life if I had a heart attack.  When I got home from the hospital, I had 14% of my heart and a life vest on, and he looked right at me and said, “It was much nicer when you weren’t here. I liked it when you were in the hospital. You have a really dark spirit.” I thought, “Wow, that is far from the truth.”

I was spending time alone and distancing from him. I saw your program on Facebook and heard you talk, and I thought, “Yeah! How do you know exactly what I’ve been going through? How can you explain it so well?”

Because I sure didn’t have any way to even describe it, let alone know that anybody else was going through it! Because it’s so personal, yet it’s so prevalent.

When I heard that you offered a program, I thought, ” but what is going to be different about this than some of the other things I have tried?” As I kept listening to you talk about things, I thought, “Well, this already sounds different.”

I wanted out of the daily pain of emotional abuse and stressful situations I almost died from.

I knew that I had to change something in a huge way and this was making sense in a way that nothing else had. Then you said, “I’m pretty confident about this, and I’ll give you your money back, and you could make monthly payments.” I’m like, “Well, I had lost so much already. Now I have nothing to lose.”

For the first time, somebody understood what I was going through, almost like you were there with me. It appeared this was a path that I couldn’t resist.

Melanie: I’m so pleased. That’s what we love about NARP. It’s a solid solution to healing rather than just information hence why it’s helped so many people. I love that I’m in those healings. My voice is soothing and supports people so they feel like they’ve got a spiritual sister holding them through their recovery, which is so important – to know you’re not alone and you’re not mental. This happens to more people than you could ever imagine.

So, Christal, Source is so large and in charge. You’ve been broke, taken to the brink with a health wake-up call, which is what happened to me too. Our souls were saying, “How loud do we need to turn up the volume for you to stop choosing them and this insanity and fully turn inwards to choose yourself?” You probably wouldn’t be alive if you didn’t.

Christal: Oh, certainly I’d be gone. That would’ve killed me. I wouldn’t have recovered because I left the hospital at the beginning of January and found NARP on January 21st, about three weeks later. Doing NARP meant things started to unpeel, and little pieces would fall in and keep on making sense.

Then after a month or two of going through those processes, a lot started to fall away. I started seeing things differently and believing I had a choice and boundaries. As a gardener, I want to plant something, test it, and see how it turns out. So I tested my boundaries with customers at work or with family at home and saw the kind of responses I got.

It just blew me away. The significant change in the other people around me was because I could come from a place of peace and not a place of demanding that other people do things. It was a real turnaround and turning point for me. At the same time, it was my wake-up call. I couldn’t blame people for things now that I was doing the boundaries. Then, I did that next big chunk, probably the most significant – healing the victim mentality.

Melanie: I was just about to say that NARP finally puts you in control of the creation of your life and gets you beyond those abuse programs and patterns we were stuck in.

Christal: That was the biggest change. The benefits have been tremendous. But as far as what has made the most difference in my life is walking with that understanding and awareness – Quanta Freedom Healing is from the DNA level. It rewrote my program. So I don’t have to try to be different. I am completely different.

It’s like trying to forget you speak English – you can’t undo speaking English. Once you know it, you know it.  The change in my head was very physical, and I remember the situation and visualisation. I honestly felt like my head had just parted, and I could see all the patterns in my life and all the times I had wondered, “What had happened, or why did I get this kind of result?”

It was all back to that one thing. It had to do with boundaries and living with a victim mentality.

Melanie: Absolutely, it’s so beautiful. With Quanta Freedom Healing, we can access the spiritual apparatus like defragging a computer (our DNA) of these problematic, painful, traumatic programs, getting rid of them, and bringing in the Higher Self Source programs, which are the empowerment programs. It’s like having an upgrade – we are just different.

It’s incredible to think it wasn’t that long ago in the COVID era that you were potentially on death’s door.

How fast would you say was the progress? If you put it into timeframes, and could share where you are today? How long did that take?

Christal: At first, it didn’t feel like much movement because of the cognitive dissonance. I call it the trauma drama.

I had to give myself permission, parent myself, and say, “You can’t do that anymore. There’s more to your life than what is running you in circles right now.”

At the beginning of the program, I was dealing with things like how you run your life daily, who you talk to, and how you interact with people. I had to let go of the need to live in a commerce state and come in, settle down, and find wisdom.

That process took two months. Once I was aware of the victimisation, I started working on that, but there were a lot of tears when I figured that out.

Melanie: It can be emotional when loading up and letting go of old coping mechanisms. It’s a relief to cry it out when you’re doing the visualisation. You make space for that healthy download to come and anchor in.

How did it go with him? What happened there?

Christal: Within six months of having an epiphany that awakened and rewrote the DNA of my soul, things happened quickly. Well, I got a divorce, and I came back.

There was a critical incident where I told him, “I’ve got one foot this way, and I’ve got one foot that way. Right now, my other foot will join and walk out the door.”

I said, “This is it for you. If you screw up, that’s it because I’m done.” I let his mom and dad know what I had done.

Then we went to my dad’s funeral, and he was in all his narcissistic, benevolent glory. I just thought, “You make me sick. This is so over.” But I had to fake it because I didn’t want him to know. His drinking had turned violent at this point in the relationship.

I told his mother that if he threatened me, I would call the police. So they knew. Of course, he didn’t touch a drop of liquor the whole fnueral and couldn’t wait to get in the car.

The divorce happened right after I returned from my dad’s funeral because of how he behaved there, which just made me sick. I went to work and told them, “I’ve got to go in and file.” I went in, got a restraining order, and filed for divorce.

Melanie: I love this. Did he try to fight back? Did he crumble? Did he try to lap on? What did he do?

Christal: There was a constant knock on the door when he was sick in bed with COVID, and I said, “Somebody, you need to go see?” He goes, “No, I’m sick.” “Oh yeah, you must get up and answer the door.”

He acted like it was no big deal like it was the neighbour stopping by. He goes, “Oh, can I have 15 minutes?” I said, “No, you can’t.” I was just telling him, “I want to do this. I want to get it quick. The divorce papers are on the way.” It was really strange.

Then, within 15 minutes, he was gone and out of my life. I had a restraining order stating he could onlywrite to me or text – because I did not want to hear his voice again.

Melanie: This is really interesting after being bullied and threatened by narcissists. When someone does the inner work to stand up and connect with their actual ‘innerstanding’, the narcissists crumble into dust. It happened in my life, too.

They will acquiesce because it’s the hugest insult to their ego when you are empowered and not emotionally dependent on them. The gig is up.

They have to move on and get away when you are detached and no longer emotionally derailed.

So did you have to separate property with him? He didn’t try to go you for the house? Because a lot of them do.

Christal: Well, I own the house. I had owned the place for 10 years already. So he actually moved in with me. He had a lot of stuff there, but he could only have a police escort to come back to the house and take them. It took him a month to get his stuff.

Everything was in my name, and he wasn’t paying his share even though he had agreed to it in the divorce papers.  I shut his phone off, and he called me from a different phone, and I was like, “Oh, who is this?” I didn’t know. We battled on stuff like that for a while.

Then, I turned his phone off because he wouldn’t give me the title to the truck I wanted, yet it was paid for. So, I did hardball over that, but boy, boundaries the whole time, no contact.

Melanie: Yeah, I love that. If you give an inch, they take a mile. If you try to cut a deal and keep the peace, they will make mincemeat out of you. You just have to stand up, put the boundaries in place, lose the fear, and walk that powerful solid line. It’s an emotional battle. You’re in a spiritual war with these people.

The state of your inner being is king, and you worked on that with NARP, and that’s why you got great results. I’m so happy for you.

Christal, tell us about your life now. What does Christal’s life, mission, and soul purpose look like now? Because that’s what excited me when we spoke.

Christal: That’s heaviness is all in the past. When I started walking out of that and on my own, the first thing I did was fix my house, and I had a friend help me with that.

I felt really good getting all that old stuff out and I completely decluttered. That was a lift. Repainted the house and cleaned it up. I have a real estate background, so I could sign a purchase lease purchase on my home this last December.  A lot of things have happened really fast.

I posted an ad on Craigslist, and a family from another state called on my birthday. I leased my house out to the family, who have horses, which I also had. So that was really neat.

She paid me what I needed to keep my mortgage current, so I’m off worrying about foreclosure. She pays me on time and lives happily. I’m making my own money, and I’ve covered all my expenses in my town.

My home base, which I’ve owned for 20 years, is now protected and cared for. So that feels like a real success.

Melanie: That solution was inspired, and you just had the idea.

Christal: Yes, it worked out wonderfully. Now I needed a house and wondered, “Where will I go?” My kids had asked me if I could move in with them and help them expand their business because my daughter-in-law has a business.

So that’s what I’m doing now: living with my family.

It’s pretty exciting! I’m going to relocate again here pretty soon to cooler weather because it’s very hot in Arizona. I just put a word out there for another job, and it came within two days. One job opportunity ended abruptly last Friday because I put down a boundary.

It was a mutual parting of ways, and I immediately started picking up on that. I’m like, nope, this isn’t working.

Then the cool thing about it was I didn’t ruminate about it. I didn’t go over and over the situation in my head. I felt the right thing to do and went with that. Some really positive things have happened in less than a week after that.

Melanie: I love that. Source is large and in charge!  When we’ve defined our values, truth, and integrity; know we’re a child of God, the universe, and Source; and keep bringing in the light and letting go of fear; then we’re flourishing and nourished just by walking our truth and integrity. Because ‘the Field’ is our dream team and we’re connected to it. I love that too.

I’ve had a big shift in my life. Something ended, and something new stepped in, in the most amazing ways just by standing in integrity and being willing to lose it all to get it all. Rather than ever selling my soul out again.

Christal: Yes. I can have problems working with family, but I spend much time with my son. I didn’t have a typical 9:00 to 5:00 job when he was growing up. We have a really close relationship. When I’m working from home and run into something, he’s really good at that I need a little help with.

I went to him and asked him about it and he’s like,  “Mom, how did you do that? How did you change yourself so much? The mom I’ve known would have never come and asked me about something like that.” I said, “I did the inner healing.”

Then another powerful situation occurred last week. I didn’t have any boundaries back in the day when I was raising him in my 20s and 30s. I was so full of victimisation.

He told me he thought that when I got a new job, I would lose it as soon as something happened – based on past experiences. He saw me not doing that. I said, “Well, you know, son, that must have been really difficult for you, and you must not have felt very secure as a child because every time I would meet somebody, they would just kind of walk all over me, and you wanted to protect me from that. You didn’t have any control, and you didn’t have any choice. I’m sure that must have really hurt you. I’m really sorry.”

He went through two years of therapy and said, “There’s no way in the world I would ever think you would say something like that to me. I didn’t even know you’d know.” I thought, “Wow, how different I am now to acknowledge the victim mentality I had been living in and not have boundaries. That’s what it did to him. Because I was still living in the dark and the life of trauma drama.

It really created a dangerous emotional place for him. Because we get so caught up in the fight.

Melanie: The defences and security blankets hanging to stuff.

Christal: Yeah. You just get used to fighting and having trauma. If you can imagine your life without that, see who you are instead of that, and have the courage to step into that, then you can live a good life without making things so hard. Things come much easier than before.

Melanie: Christal, that’s the way it’s meant to be. It’s meant to organically glow. We’re told to be in partnership with Source. We’re meant to let go and let God/Source/our Higher Self guide us instead of being led by our fears, wounds, battles, struggles, and repeat patterns. I am so thrilled for you, Christal.

What I love about you is just your beauty. I can’t even imagine the Christal you talk about, who used to be a victim. I’m sure you can’t relate to her either. She’s not there anymore.

Christal: I told my son, “I don’t have many memories of that time when that happened anymore that I can articulate and go back.” Because I used to beat myself up a lot, that was one of the big takeaways – I blessed and accepted the feelings because I alone was there.

It was not good. It’s a very negative space in there. Now, I need a positive space in my head to know it’s not necessarily me doing it or creating when negative things happen. I let that terrible thing be wrong, and I continue being good.

Melanie: I love that. So, Christal, it’s been a joy to have you on this interview, sharing your Thriver story with our beautiful, amazing community. Do you have a final word of love and encouragement to share with our community?

Christal: Be brave and willing to be open. As you become somebody new, just hug that new person because she’s been waiting. She’s been waiting to live. At this later stage in my life, I am not feeling bad that it took me this long. I’m just very appreciative that I got here.

 

Conclusion

Beautiful message. Many men also work with the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP), so please click on this link if you feel inspired. This program is for you if you’ve had enough of the pain, or you’re in the shocking battle and you need to get out, or even if you’ve got out from the narcissist but can feel the battle still living on within you.

You CAN free your true self and uplevel into your best life because that’s what thriving is all about. NARP and Quanta Freedom Healing have helped thousands of people from over 150 countries. Saved their life, saved their soul. Myself and  Christal would love for you to join them and us in the beautiful community of people we have now – our incredible Thriver tribe.

Christal, thank you, darling, for sharing your story, love, and encouragement, and I will see you around the MTE community.

If you have any questions or comments you would like to send to myself or Christal, please leave them in the comments section below. We would love to continue the discussion about this show with you.

Bye-bye everybody.

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Father’s Fridays

Visit Cordell & Cordell’s website to register for Father’s Fridays: cordellcordell.com/fathersday/

Cordell & Cordell is thrilled to announce the launch of their upcoming live webinar series, Father’s Fridays. This engaging and informative series aims to provide invaluable support and guidance to fathers who are facing the challenges of parenthood head-on. With special guests joining each week, the webinars will cover numerous topics from ways to make memories with your kids to discussions of what being a dad is all about.

Fatherhood is a rewarding yet complex journey that requires continuous learning and adaptation. Whether you’re a new dad or have been a father for years, Father’s Fridays is a must-attend event designed to equip you with the tools and insights to thrive in your role as a parent. This dynamic and interactive virtual series will be a valuable resource for dads of all backgrounds. Each webinar, scheduled every Friday in June, offers a unique opportunity to engage in meaningful discussions about the intricacies of fatherhood. Don’t miss out on this exciting opportunity to join Cordell & Cordell’s Father’s Fridays webinar series in June. Whether you’re seeking practical advice or simply looking to connect with a community of dads facing similar challenges, this series has something valuable to offer. Mark your calendars and be a part of this engaging and informative conversation about fatherhood. Visit Cordell & Cordell’s website to learn more and register today. Father’s Fridays is your ticket to navigating the joys and challenges of fatherhood with confidence and support.

The post <strong>Father’s Fridays</strong> appeared first on Dads Divorce.

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Sad little girl in green and white striped shirt

How to Support Your Children If They Are Abandoned By Their Father After Divorce

Sad little girl in green and white striped shirt

 

Divorce is a tough time for any family, but it can be particularly difficult for children who may not fully understand what’s happening. When a father abandons their children after a divorce, it can be incredibly challenging for them to cope with the feelings of abandonment and loss.

As a parent, it’s important to provide support and love to your children during this difficult time.

Here are some tips on how to support children who are abandoned by their fathers after divorce.

Validation

Firstly, it’s important to validate their feelings. Children who have been abandoned by their fathers may experience a wide range of emotions, from sadness and anger to confusion and anxiety. It’s essential to let them know that these feelings are normal and understandable. Encourage them to express their emotions and listen to them without judgment. By doing this, you’ll help your children feel heard and understood.

Stability

Next, provide stability in their life. When a parent abandons their child, it can create a sense of instability and insecurity. Maintaining a consistent routine and schedule for meals, bedtime, and other daily routines can help your children feel grounded and secure during this difficult time. Additionally, try to provide them with positive role models, such as grandparents, aunts, uncles, or family friends. Encouraging them to spend time with these people and building strong relationships can help them develop a sense of security and support.

Be Honest

It’s also important to be honest with your children about what’s happened. Avoid sugar-coating or lying about the situation. Explain what’s happened in an age-appropriate way and let your children know that it’s not their fault. Help them understand that their father’s actions are not a reflection of their worth or value as a person.

Seek Professional Help

Furthermore, seeking professional help can be beneficial for children who are struggling to cope with their father’s abandonment. A therapist or counselor can provide them with the tools and support they need to navigate their emotions and develop healthy coping mechanisms. Look for a mental health professional who specializes in working with children and understands the unique challenges that come with divorce and parental abandonment.

Self-Care

Encourage your children to take care of themselves during this difficult time. This can include engaging in activities they enjoy, such as sports, music, or art, as well as eating healthy foods, getting enough sleep, and staying active. Encourage them to spend time with friends and engage in positive social activities. By taking care of themselves, they can develop a sense of resilience and strength that will serve them well in the future.

Coping

Finally, remember that it’s okay to ask for help. Coping with the abandonment of a parent is not easy, and as a parent, it’s important to take care of yourself too. Seek support from friends, family, or a therapist if you need it. By taking care of yourself, you’ll be better equipped to support your children during this challenging time.

In conclusion, supporting children who have been abandoned by their fathers after divorce requires patience, understanding, and love. By validating their feelings, providing stability, seeking professional help, being honest, encouraging self-care, and seeking support when needed, you can help your children navigate this difficult time and emerge stronger and more resilient. Remember that while it may be challenging, you and your children can get through this together.

The post How to Support Your Children If They Are Abandoned By Their Father After Divorce appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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The Four Love Languages Of Money

woman holding dollar bills fanned out in her hands

 

Like many people, I never grew up knowing that there were different ways to relate to money.  Most of us stumble through life trying to manage our finances the best that we can, with the limited tools given to us.  I don’t ever remember being taught how to balance a checkbook, let alone the proper amount of money to set aside for retirement.

Gradually, as I got older and was given the option of investing in an employer 401k, I began to educate myself on saving and investing.

However, getting the tools for managing money doesn’t address the issue of what money means to us personally. Most of us relate to money differently according to what our money love language is.  As a divorce mediator, I see firsthand the battles that couples go through surrounding their conflicting money languages.  Arguments about money, who spends it, who makes it, how to save it etc., are in the top five reasons couples get divorced. In fact, it is often cited as the number one reason people fight.

I believe that a lot of marriages could be happier if people understood and valued each other’s money language.  Marriage is a partnership, and if it is going to be successful, it means that both partner’s money languages are respected as an extension of that particular individual’s personality.

We are often attracted to personalities that are different than our own, and yet find ourselves in conflict when the other person doesn’t approach money the way that we think they should; that is, like we would approach money.

One solution is to educate ourselves on the different money love languages so we can begin to understand our partner’s attitude concerning money.

First of all, what is a money language?  A money language is how you view money and what money means to you.  It is understanding how you and the people around you use money to express themselves. Everyone has a money love language and according to Dr. Kenneth Doyle, a financial psychologist, there are four basic profiles.  Conflict occurs when we see money differently and expect our partner to conform to our way of relating to money.

The Four Love Languages of Money

The Driver

The “Driver” is someone who equates money to success. For a driver, the more money they accumulate or earn, the more successful and competent they feel. Money protects against feeling incompetent or inadequate.  Drivers use their money to communicate love by showing how money can improve the lives of those around them.

Money and the accumulation of it is deeply tied to their ego, and one of the greatest weaknesses of this language is a driver can be overly dependent on money for their self-esteem. They may become materialistic in order to combat a deep sense of inadequacy.

The Analytic

“Analytics” are people who are very structured and organized when it comes to money. They view money as a way to protect themselves from life’s uncertainties.  Money and the management of it are a way of providing security to themselves and those around them. Analytics can easily establish a budget and stick to it; they are well structured financially and are good long range money planners.

They express love to those around them by planning for the future well-being and interests of loved ones.  However, like all money languages, this money language has a weak side.  Analytics can become legalistic and controlling regarding money and budgeting.  They have their own sense of financial logic which can sometimes communicate disregard and disrespect to their partner.  Their conservative attitude towards money can override the feelings of their partners to the detriment of the relationship.

The Amiable

“Amiables” adopt an attitude of “Life is relationships, the rest is just details,” concerning money. Money means love and affection and an Amiable uses money to share what they have with those around them, especially their loved ones. But a lack of money is hard on amiables because it translates as an inability to demonstrate love, which can sometimes make them poor money managers.  Because they are generous and good hearted, they can sometimes lack long-range planning skills.

The Expressive

To the “Expressive,” money is acceptance. It purchases the respect and admiration of others. It provides the basis of relationships with desirable people. Expressives communicate love by shopping, buying, and spending to gain acceptance from a select group. This language can be used in a negative way to hide feelings of pain, insecurity, or incompetence.

Expressives can become overly dependent on money to solve problems and calm fears.  Spending money can sometimes become an addiction to Expressives because of its deep connection to their self-esteem.

Because marriage is a partnership in every way, including the way money is handled, sharing money can be extremely challenging, especially when couples are not aware of the different money languages.  But I have found that most successful marriages are made up of partners that value each other’s money language.

Not only do they spend time communicating their own wants and needs concerning money, but they also spend time learning their partners style and validate their unique money personality. Learning to appreciate and balance each other’s money love language will equip a marriage to go the distance and become the fulfilling relationship it was intended to be.

The post The Four Love Languages Of Money appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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woman holding up a sign that says, "need a job"

Smart Money Moves For Divorced Moms on the Job Hunt

woman holding up a sign that says, "need a job"

 

Divorce is difficult for anyone, but it can be particularly challenging for single mothers. As you navigate the emotional and practical aspects of this major life transition, one of the most pressing concerns you may have is managing your finances while job hunting.

This article will discuss money-management strategies to help you navigate this difficult period and emerge stronger than ever.

Divorced Moms: Money Management Strategies for Job Hunting

Divorce and money management come hand in hand. As a divorced mom, you must care for your family expenses, including your child. If you are unemployed, you must search for a job immediately. Don’t expect that your ex-spouse will take care of everything now. You are on your own. You have to manage your money and find a suitable job simultaneously. Here are a few strategies to do it.

Assess Your Financial Situation

The first step in managing your finances while job hunting is to assess your financial situation. This means taking stock of your income, expenses, savings, and debts. Make a budget to help you manage your money until you find a new job. This budget should include your regular expenses, such as rent or mortgage payments, utilities, groceries, and transportation costs.

If you have children, you must also budget for their needs, such as childcare, school supplies, and medical expenses. Be realistic about your budget and ensure it is sustainable over the long term.

If you have credit card debt, calculate how much you owe. Do you have enough financial resources to pay it off? If so, then clear it as soon as possible. If not, calculate how much you need monthly to pay off debt. Look for debt relief companies that can help to reduce your debt. Each penny counts now.

Ask debt relief companies how much you need to pay every month. How much is their fee? If they say you must pay $200 monthly, you must include it in your budget. Based on these figures, you can determine how much you need to earn monthly.

Cut Expenses

Once you have a budget, the next step is to look for ways to reduce your expenses. This can be challenging, but it is an essential step in managing your finances while job hunting. There are many ways to cut expenses, including:

  • Eating out less often and cooking at home instead
  • Canceling subscriptions you don’t need, such as gym memberships or streaming services
  • Shopping for cheaper groceries and household essentials
  • Taking advantage of coupons and discounts
  • Cutting back on non-essential spending, such as entertainment and travel

It can be helpful to track your spending for a month or two to identify areas where you can cut back. This will also help you stay accountable to your budget and avoid overspending.

Seek Financial Assistance

If you struggle to make ends meet, don’t be afraid to seek financial assistance. There are many programs and organizations that provide financial aid to single mothers. Some of these programs include:

  • Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF)
  • Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP)
  • Women, Infants, and Children (WIC)
  • Low-Income Home Energy Assistance Program (LIHEAP)
  • Childcare Assistance Program

These programs can provide financial assistance for basic needs such as food, housing, and childcare. They can also help you access resources and services supporting you as you seek a new job.

Freelancing and Gig Work

One way to earn money while looking for a new job is to take on freelance or gig work. There are many online platforms where you can find freelance work, such as Upwork, Freelancer, and Fiverr. You can also look for local gig work opportunities, such as dog walking, house cleaning, or yard work.

Freelancing and gig work provides a flexible source of income that helps you make ends meet while you are job hunting. It can also help you build your skills and experience, making you more marketable to potential employers.

Network

Networking is an essential part of any job search, and it is crucial when you are a single mother looking for work. Contact your network, including friends, family, former colleagues, and acquaintances. Let them know you are looking for a job and ask for their help finding job opportunities.

You can also join professional organizations and attend industry events to expand your network and meet new people. Networking can help you access job openings that are private and can also help you build relationships with potential employers.

Update Your Skills

In today’s job market, staying up-to-date with your industry’s latest skills and trends is essential. Consider taking courses or training programs to update your skills and make yourself more marketable to potential employers.

Get assistance with resume writing.

How long have you gone without creating a resume? Is it more than ten years for you? Get assistance with it. Try to gather ideas on making your CV, and ask others you know who work if you can look at theirs. Have it edited by friends and experts, and ask them to provide feedback? There are businesses you may hire to do this as well.

Think about daycare expenses.

Who will take care of your kids in your absence? Will your ex-spouse look after your child? Do you have any other family members who will do the job? If not, you may have to hire daycare services. You need to arrange money for that too. Discuss with your ex-spouse whether he will pay or share the expenses.

Final note

The most crucial advice I can offer is to have confidence in your skills and yourself. I bet you were a rock star when you worked before having children. There is no reason to think you won’t be that again if you have been that before. The only person holding you back is you,. You possess both talent and skill. Yet in order to use it, you must believe in it.

The post Smart Money Moves For Divorced Moms on the Job Hunt appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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