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Thriver TV Special – THRIVER Talk with Christal

Are you feeling overwhelmed, exploited, and emotionally drained by a narcissistic relationship?

If so, you’re not alone. In this first of our very special Thriver Talks series, Christal discusses how she experienced this firsthand in her 13-year marriage to a benevolent narcissist.

As her health and finances suffered, she was unable to find a way to break free from the cycle of abuse.

When the COVID-19 global pandemic came around, she experienced a breakdown and was hospitalised with congestive heart failure. Christal realised that she was unsafe and needed to get out.

She explains how the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program helped her to heal her pain and rewrite her epigenetics from the ground up, allowing her to create a life of abundance and joy.

By understanding the power of boundaries, she could move on and find success in her life.

In today’s Thriver Talks Christal tells her story and how she managed to take control of her life and create her own future.



Video Transcript

Welcome to this special Thriver Talks success story. I am really thrilled to have Christal here with me today. She was in one of my group classes and I was so inspired by her story that I really believe many community members could be inspired too. So hence, why we have Christal with us today. So thank you,

Christal: Thank you, Melanie. It’s my pleasure.

Melanie: Christal, just to start, can you briefly describe your narcissistic abuse and who this person was in your life?

Christal: Well, there’s been several. The one that was the make or break was my ex-husband. He’s what’s called a benevolent narcissist. He was just wonderful in the beginning – for about three years, he was able to keep things together. But there were things from the start, like not being held accountable, and I just wanted to avoid rocking the boat. I had such a good experience with him that I always thought it work itself out or we were just turning a corner. I was with him for 13 years.

As the years went by, different things happened. I became ill one year, and my income was a problem. He was in and out of jobs, and whenever anything like that happened, he would become withdrawn and just want to talk to another friend and get with other people. He started taking it out on me and drinking heavily, spending a lot of money on lavish dinners and paying for everybody else just to make a splashy scene.

In the end, there were critical incidents. One was after a party when somebody mentioned a relationship I had been in previously. He had been drinking heavily before getting in the car to make our way home – he was driving fast on a dark road, with cattle on the road, and it was windy. He was doing almost 65, 70 miles an hour up that road and I just thought I was gone.

Melanie: Terrifying

Christal: Yeah, that was terrifying. So the following day, I told him, “Here’s a book. You have to read this book.” He cried and cleaned up his act for about a year or two.

We were still married when he started drinking heavily, and it worsened. Eventually, I lost my health.

There was another critical incident like that when I was getting attention at a work-related party because everyone was excited to have me on board for this new opportunity. The minute we got in the car, he started ripping into me, saying derogatory things and cussing. It was pretty bad.

Melanie:  What you said at the start was the need for more accountability. That is huge for somebody who doesn’t have emotional maturity or humility and whose arrogance will not allow accountability for their actions.  This is classic behaviour in narcissists. Of course, it makes you unsafe to be in there.

When you said he got his act together for about a year, was he being accountable? Was he behaving better by owning his stuff and holding his disappointments? Did he stop blaming others when things were going wrong in his life?

Christal: No, he just took the spotlight off of me and put it on other people. He’d put it on coworkers, clients, and bosses. It didn’t matter. It was always on someone other than him. He would clean up his act in certain areas for a short time but he never had it all together at once.

Melanie: It’s really key for people to understand that when dealing with narcissistic, unconscious, or immature people, they will not be met with humility, cooperation, and teamwork – whether they are friends, workmates, or romantic partners. Instead, when they have problems, they will shut down, remain arrogant, and blame everybody, including you.

As you said, he backed that off for a year. Still, he never said, “Well, this is where I could have done better, and this is where I could have healed. This is where I could have grown.” He didn’t reflect, change or put things in place in his life to enable him to have a better relationship with you and others. We might think they’re getting better, but as you said, it’s only a switching of the spotlight, which is important for everybody to understand.

Tell me about your breakdown and how bad it was before finding our beautiful community and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP).

Christal: Income was always a struggle because of the unstable lifestyle. When I tried to relate with other people healthily, he would interfere because he wanted all my attention. Any successful bond I had with an employer or clients when I was self-employed was damaged.  I started losing my finances and was in foreclosure and on a rollercoaster for a while.

The finances were never stable, and even when he was making money, he acted like he wasn’t and was hiding it.  I always felt like we were broke. I was under a lot of financial stress and stress from his personality and in fact I was still in cognitive dissonance – a sleep-like state – and hadn’t woken up yet. So here I was, dealing with all this and being very negative about myself, breaking my health.

When COVID-19 came around, I was already tired out. I saw that my marriage was not turning around this time and it couldn’t keep going like this. About two years ago, I got COVID-19 when the United States didn’t care for the nurses and doctors. I wanted to avoid being admitted to the hospital, so I tried to wait until that changed to where I knew I’d have some control over my health if I went in.

I’m small and don’t weigh much, but I put on 60 pounds of water, and my body was shutting down.

My son and daughter-in-law said, “Mom, can we take you to this hospital?”

I went in because it was run by some Catholic nuns and wasn’t in the system. They did tests, and it came out that I had congestive heart failure; 10% of my heart was functional and was ejecting blood. My stomach was distended. It looked like I was seven months pregnant – I was really sick.

Those doctors were able to hone right in and get me on the right track to save my life. I had recovered from COVID at the time, but it had attacked my heart. So that’s the state I was in.

Melanie: Sometimes these are the wake-up calls in our life to show we’ve been strong and dealing with so much for so long, and then everything can just implode. It happens to a lot of people.

Regarding the relationship, what steps had you taken to get well and have some sanity, peace, safety and emotional stability? How was that going? Were you getting better or worse?

Christal: I had read many books on communication, thinking if I did this, he’d do that.

Melanie: It’s impossible to communicate with a narcissist healthily.

Christal: It’s the most circular, crazy-making conversation in the world. It really is.

Melanie: You do think you’re going crazy.

Christal: So that wasn’t helpful.

I care for my health by being a gardener and growing my own food, so I had a healthy diet. I tried to care for myself with many positive affirmation and reinforcement. I was doing a lot of inner reflection and figuring out how to balance the different programs, but it felt like I was just jogging in place and treading water. I felt like I was drowning in a circumstances I had no control over. I was getting worse instead of better.

Melanie: Many intelligent, good-hearted, and compassionate people put much effort into their relationships. We try anything and everything to find answers, because we’re emotionally invested. It’s a huge deal for people.

Christal: He was very good at future faking. All of those things that we had planned, I was hoping that’s what would happen next. It took going through the program to learn how not to believe – it was just a setup to string me along.



Melanie: Yes, bread-crumbing is a huge thing.  Of course, we want to believe there will be a light at the end of this tunnel because we are so invested.

Speaking of NARP, what kicked that off? When you did, you think, “All right, I’m going to try this”? Did you have any reservations or resistance to the inner work? I’d love to hear about your journey with NARP.

Christal: Well, I was in a really low place and had a life vest on, which would’ve shocked me back to life if I had a heart attack.  When I got home from the hospital, I had 14% of my heart and a life vest on, and he looked right at me and said, “It was much nicer when you weren’t here. I liked it when you were in the hospital. You have a really dark spirit.” I thought, “Wow, that is far from the truth.”

I was spending time alone and distancing from him. I saw your program on Facebook and heard you talk, and I thought, “Yeah! How do you know exactly what I’ve been going through? How can you explain it so well?”

Because I sure didn’t have any way to even describe it, let alone know that anybody else was going through it! Because it’s so personal, yet it’s so prevalent.

When I heard that you offered a program, I thought, ” but what is going to be different about this than some of the other things I have tried?” As I kept listening to you talk about things, I thought, “Well, this already sounds different.”

I wanted out of the daily pain of emotional abuse and stressful situations I almost died from.

I knew that I had to change something in a huge way and this was making sense in a way that nothing else had. Then you said, “I’m pretty confident about this, and I’ll give you your money back, and you could make monthly payments.” I’m like, “Well, I had lost so much already. Now I have nothing to lose.”

For the first time, somebody understood what I was going through, almost like you were there with me. It appeared this was a path that I couldn’t resist.

Melanie: I’m so pleased. That’s what we love about NARP. It’s a solid solution to healing rather than just information hence why it’s helped so many people. I love that I’m in those healings. My voice is soothing and supports people so they feel like they’ve got a spiritual sister holding them through their recovery, which is so important – to know you’re not alone and you’re not mental. This happens to more people than you could ever imagine.

So, Christal, Source is so large and in charge. You’ve been broke, taken to the brink with a health wake-up call, which is what happened to me too. Our souls were saying, “How loud do we need to turn up the volume for you to stop choosing them and this insanity and fully turn inwards to choose yourself?” You probably wouldn’t be alive if you didn’t.

Christal: Oh, certainly I’d be gone. That would’ve killed me. I wouldn’t have recovered because I left the hospital at the beginning of January and found NARP on January 21st, about three weeks later. Doing NARP meant things started to unpeel, and little pieces would fall in and keep on making sense.

Then after a month or two of going through those processes, a lot started to fall away. I started seeing things differently and believing I had a choice and boundaries. As a gardener, I want to plant something, test it, and see how it turns out. So I tested my boundaries with customers at work or with family at home and saw the kind of responses I got.

It just blew me away. The significant change in the other people around me was because I could come from a place of peace and not a place of demanding that other people do things. It was a real turnaround and turning point for me. At the same time, it was my wake-up call. I couldn’t blame people for things now that I was doing the boundaries. Then, I did that next big chunk, probably the most significant – healing the victim mentality.

Melanie: I was just about to say that NARP finally puts you in control of the creation of your life and gets you beyond those abuse programs and patterns we were stuck in.

Christal: That was the biggest change. The benefits have been tremendous. But as far as what has made the most difference in my life is walking with that understanding and awareness – Quanta Freedom Healing is from the DNA level. It rewrote my program. So I don’t have to try to be different. I am completely different.

It’s like trying to forget you speak English – you can’t undo speaking English. Once you know it, you know it.  The change in my head was very physical, and I remember the situation and visualisation. I honestly felt like my head had just parted, and I could see all the patterns in my life and all the times I had wondered, “What had happened, or why did I get this kind of result?”

It was all back to that one thing. It had to do with boundaries and living with a victim mentality.

Melanie: Absolutely, it’s so beautiful. With Quanta Freedom Healing, we can access the spiritual apparatus like defragging a computer (our DNA) of these problematic, painful, traumatic programs, getting rid of them, and bringing in the Higher Self Source programs, which are the empowerment programs. It’s like having an upgrade – we are just different.

It’s incredible to think it wasn’t that long ago in the COVID era that you were potentially on death’s door.

How fast would you say was the progress? If you put it into timeframes, and could share where you are today? How long did that take?

Christal: At first, it didn’t feel like much movement because of the cognitive dissonance. I call it the trauma drama.

I had to give myself permission, parent myself, and say, “You can’t do that anymore. There’s more to your life than what is running you in circles right now.”

At the beginning of the program, I was dealing with things like how you run your life daily, who you talk to, and how you interact with people. I had to let go of the need to live in a commerce state and come in, settle down, and find wisdom.

That process took two months. Once I was aware of the victimisation, I started working on that, but there were a lot of tears when I figured that out.

Melanie: It can be emotional when loading up and letting go of old coping mechanisms. It’s a relief to cry it out when you’re doing the visualisation. You make space for that healthy download to come and anchor in.

How did it go with him? What happened there?

Christal: Within six months of having an epiphany that awakened and rewrote the DNA of my soul, things happened quickly. Well, I got a divorce, and I came back.

There was a critical incident where I told him, “I’ve got one foot this way, and I’ve got one foot that way. Right now, my other foot will join and walk out the door.”

I said, “This is it for you. If you screw up, that’s it because I’m done.” I let his mom and dad know what I had done.

Then we went to my dad’s funeral, and he was in all his narcissistic, benevolent glory. I just thought, “You make me sick. This is so over.” But I had to fake it because I didn’t want him to know. His drinking had turned violent at this point in the relationship.

I told his mother that if he threatened me, I would call the police. So they knew. Of course, he didn’t touch a drop of liquor the whole fnueral and couldn’t wait to get in the car.

The divorce happened right after I returned from my dad’s funeral because of how he behaved there, which just made me sick. I went to work and told them, “I’ve got to go in and file.” I went in, got a restraining order, and filed for divorce.

Melanie: I love this. Did he try to fight back? Did he crumble? Did he try to lap on? What did he do?

Christal: There was a constant knock on the door when he was sick in bed with COVID, and I said, “Somebody, you need to go see?” He goes, “No, I’m sick.” “Oh yeah, you must get up and answer the door.”

He acted like it was no big deal like it was the neighbour stopping by. He goes, “Oh, can I have 15 minutes?” I said, “No, you can’t.” I was just telling him, “I want to do this. I want to get it quick. The divorce papers are on the way.” It was really strange.

Then, within 15 minutes, he was gone and out of my life. I had a restraining order stating he could onlywrite to me or text – because I did not want to hear his voice again.

Melanie: This is really interesting after being bullied and threatened by narcissists. When someone does the inner work to stand up and connect with their actual ‘innerstanding’, the narcissists crumble into dust. It happened in my life, too.

They will acquiesce because it’s the hugest insult to their ego when you are empowered and not emotionally dependent on them. The gig is up.

They have to move on and get away when you are detached and no longer emotionally derailed.

So did you have to separate property with him? He didn’t try to go you for the house? Because a lot of them do.

Christal: Well, I own the house. I had owned the place for 10 years already. So he actually moved in with me. He had a lot of stuff there, but he could only have a police escort to come back to the house and take them. It took him a month to get his stuff.

Everything was in my name, and he wasn’t paying his share even though he had agreed to it in the divorce papers.  I shut his phone off, and he called me from a different phone, and I was like, “Oh, who is this?” I didn’t know. We battled on stuff like that for a while.

Then, I turned his phone off because he wouldn’t give me the title to the truck I wanted, yet it was paid for. So, I did hardball over that, but boy, boundaries the whole time, no contact.

Melanie: Yeah, I love that. If you give an inch, they take a mile. If you try to cut a deal and keep the peace, they will make mincemeat out of you. You just have to stand up, put the boundaries in place, lose the fear, and walk that powerful solid line. It’s an emotional battle. You’re in a spiritual war with these people.

The state of your inner being is king, and you worked on that with NARP, and that’s why you got great results. I’m so happy for you.

Christal, tell us about your life now. What does Christal’s life, mission, and soul purpose look like now? Because that’s what excited me when we spoke.

Christal: That’s heaviness is all in the past. When I started walking out of that and on my own, the first thing I did was fix my house, and I had a friend help me with that.

I felt really good getting all that old stuff out and I completely decluttered. That was a lift. Repainted the house and cleaned it up. I have a real estate background, so I could sign a purchase lease purchase on my home this last December.  A lot of things have happened really fast.

I posted an ad on Craigslist, and a family from another state called on my birthday. I leased my house out to the family, who have horses, which I also had. So that was really neat.

She paid me what I needed to keep my mortgage current, so I’m off worrying about foreclosure. She pays me on time and lives happily. I’m making my own money, and I’ve covered all my expenses in my town.

My home base, which I’ve owned for 20 years, is now protected and cared for. So that feels like a real success.

Melanie: That solution was inspired, and you just had the idea.

Christal: Yes, it worked out wonderfully. Now I needed a house and wondered, “Where will I go?” My kids had asked me if I could move in with them and help them expand their business because my daughter-in-law has a business.

So that’s what I’m doing now: living with my family.

It’s pretty exciting! I’m going to relocate again here pretty soon to cooler weather because it’s very hot in Arizona. I just put a word out there for another job, and it came within two days. One job opportunity ended abruptly last Friday because I put down a boundary.

It was a mutual parting of ways, and I immediately started picking up on that. I’m like, nope, this isn’t working.

Then the cool thing about it was I didn’t ruminate about it. I didn’t go over and over the situation in my head. I felt the right thing to do and went with that. Some really positive things have happened in less than a week after that.

Melanie: I love that. Source is large and in charge!  When we’ve defined our values, truth, and integrity; know we’re a child of God, the universe, and Source; and keep bringing in the light and letting go of fear; then we’re flourishing and nourished just by walking our truth and integrity. Because ‘the Field’ is our dream team and we’re connected to it. I love that too.

I’ve had a big shift in my life. Something ended, and something new stepped in, in the most amazing ways just by standing in integrity and being willing to lose it all to get it all. Rather than ever selling my soul out again.

Christal: Yes. I can have problems working with family, but I spend much time with my son. I didn’t have a typical 9:00 to 5:00 job when he was growing up. We have a really close relationship. When I’m working from home and run into something, he’s really good at that I need a little help with.

I went to him and asked him about it and he’s like,  “Mom, how did you do that? How did you change yourself so much? The mom I’ve known would have never come and asked me about something like that.” I said, “I did the inner healing.”

Then another powerful situation occurred last week. I didn’t have any boundaries back in the day when I was raising him in my 20s and 30s. I was so full of victimisation.

He told me he thought that when I got a new job, I would lose it as soon as something happened – based on past experiences. He saw me not doing that. I said, “Well, you know, son, that must have been really difficult for you, and you must not have felt very secure as a child because every time I would meet somebody, they would just kind of walk all over me, and you wanted to protect me from that. You didn’t have any control, and you didn’t have any choice. I’m sure that must have really hurt you. I’m really sorry.”

He went through two years of therapy and said, “There’s no way in the world I would ever think you would say something like that to me. I didn’t even know you’d know.” I thought, “Wow, how different I am now to acknowledge the victim mentality I had been living in and not have boundaries. That’s what it did to him. Because I was still living in the dark and the life of trauma drama.

It really created a dangerous emotional place for him. Because we get so caught up in the fight.

Melanie: The defences and security blankets hanging to stuff.

Christal: Yeah. You just get used to fighting and having trauma. If you can imagine your life without that, see who you are instead of that, and have the courage to step into that, then you can live a good life without making things so hard. Things come much easier than before.

Melanie: Christal, that’s the way it’s meant to be. It’s meant to organically glow. We’re told to be in partnership with Source. We’re meant to let go and let God/Source/our Higher Self guide us instead of being led by our fears, wounds, battles, struggles, and repeat patterns. I am so thrilled for you, Christal.

What I love about you is just your beauty. I can’t even imagine the Christal you talk about, who used to be a victim. I’m sure you can’t relate to her either. She’s not there anymore.

Christal: I told my son, “I don’t have many memories of that time when that happened anymore that I can articulate and go back.” Because I used to beat myself up a lot, that was one of the big takeaways – I blessed and accepted the feelings because I alone was there.

It was not good. It’s a very negative space in there. Now, I need a positive space in my head to know it’s not necessarily me doing it or creating when negative things happen. I let that terrible thing be wrong, and I continue being good.

Melanie: I love that. So, Christal, it’s been a joy to have you on this interview, sharing your Thriver story with our beautiful, amazing community. Do you have a final word of love and encouragement to share with our community?

Christal: Be brave and willing to be open. As you become somebody new, just hug that new person because she’s been waiting. She’s been waiting to live. At this later stage in my life, I am not feeling bad that it took me this long. I’m just very appreciative that I got here.



Beautiful message. Many men also work with the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP), so please click on this link if you feel inspired. This program is for you if you’ve had enough of the pain, or you’re in the shocking battle and you need to get out, or even if you’ve got out from the narcissist but can feel the battle still living on within you.

You CAN free your true self and uplevel into your best life because that’s what thriving is all about. NARP and Quanta Freedom Healing have helped thousands of people from over 150 countries. Saved their life, saved their soul. Myself and  Christal would love for you to join them and us in the beautiful community of people we have now – our incredible Thriver tribe.

Christal, thank you, darling, for sharing your story, love, and encouragement, and I will see you around the MTE community.

If you have any questions or comments you would like to send to myself or Christal, please leave them in the comments section below. We would love to continue the discussion about this show with you.

Bye-bye everybody.


What is Emotional Abuse: Understanding the Signs and Impact

What is Emotional Abuse?: Understanding the Signs and Impact


Emotional abuse is a form of abuse that can be just as harmful as physical abuse. It is characterized by a pattern of behavior aimed at controlling, manipulating, and belittling the victim. This type of abuse can occur in various relationships, including romantic relationships, friendships, family relationships, and even in professional environments. Emotional abuse can be difficult to recognize, but it is important to understand the signs, impact, and how to cope with it. 


Signs of Emotional Abuse


There are several signs of emotional abuse that you should be aware of. These include:

  1. Unrealistic Expectations: The abuser may impose unreasonable demands, criticize you for perceived shortcomings, and expect you to prioritize their needs above your own.
  1. Invalidation: The abuser may invalidate your thoughts, feelings, and perceptions, dismissing them as unworthy or wrong. They may manipulate you into questioning your own reality.
  1. Creating Chaos: Emotional abusers thrive on creating chaos and instability. They may start arguments for no apparent reason, make contradictory statements, or behave erratically.
  1. Emotional Blackmail: Abusers may use guilt, humiliation, or fear to manipulate and control you. They may exaggerate your flaws, deny events, or punish you with the silent treatment.
  1. Acts of Superiority: Abusers may treat you as inferior, belittle your opinions, and doubt your capabilities. They may employ sarcasm, make jokes at your expense, or consistently act condescendingly.
  1. Control and Isolation: Emotional abusers seek to isolate and control their victims. They may control who you interact with, monitor your digital activities, or use jealousy as a tool to limit your relationships outside of the abusive dynamic.


Impact of Emotional Abuse


The consequences of emotional abuse can be severe and long-lasting. Emotional abuse can erode your self-esteem, cause anxiety, depression, PTSD and other mental health issues. It can also have physical effects, such as headaches, digestive problems, and chronic pain. Additionally, emotional abuse can lead to a sense of isolation and disconnection from others. It is important to seek help if you are experiencing emotional abuse to prevent further harm.


How Narcissists Use Emotional Abuse


Narcissists employ various tactics of emotional abuse to exert control and manipulate their victims. One common strategy is gaslighting, where they undermine the victim’s perception of reality by distorting facts, denying events, or even making them question their own sanity. They engage in constant criticism, belittlement, and humiliation, systematically eroding the victim’s self-esteem and self-worth. Narcissists often employ manipulation techniques such as guilt-tripping, where they make the victim feel responsible for their unhappiness or failures. They also engage in love-bombing, showering the victim with excessive praise and attention in the beginning stages of the relationship, only to withdraw it later, leaving the victim feeling confused, needy, and desperate for their validation. Ultimately, narcissists use emotional abuse as a means to maintain power and control over their victims, exploiting their vulnerabilities and fostering a toxic dynamic.




Coping with Emotional Abuse


Coping with emotional abuse can be challenging, but it is possible. Here are some tips to help you cope:

  1. Seek support: Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or support groups who can provide understanding, empathy, and validation. Talking about your experiences with others can help you gain perspective and begin the healing process.
  1. Consider therapy: Working with a licensed therapist who specializes in trauma and abuse can be highly beneficial. Therapy can help you process your emotions, rebuild your self-esteem, and develop healthy coping mechanisms.
  1. Practice self-care: Engage in activities that promote self-care and self-compassion. This may include exercise, meditation, journaling, or pursuing hobbies that bring you joy. Take time to prioritize your physical and emotional well-being.
  1. Set boundaries: Establish clear boundaries with the abusive person or remove them from your life entirely if possible. Protect yourself from further harm by setting and enforcing boundaries that promote your safety and emotional well-being.
  1. Educate yourself: Learn more about emotional abuse, its dynamics, and its effects. Understanding the patterns and tactics used by emotional abusers can help you recognize and avoid similar situations in the future.




Q: Is emotional abuse always intentional?

A: Yes, emotional abuse is always intentional. Abusers seek to control and manipulate their victims to maintain power over them.


Q: Can emotional abuse occur in friendships?

A: Yes, emotional abuse can occur in any type of relationship, including friendships.


Q: Is couples therapy recommended for emotional abuse situations?

A: No, couples therapy is not recommended for situations involving emotional abuse. The focus should be on your safety and well-being, and individual therapy can be more effective in helping you heal from the trauma of emotional abuse.


Q: Can emotional abuse have physical effects?

A: Yes, emotional abuse can have physical effects, such as headaches, digestive problems, and chronic pain.


In conclusion, emotional abuse is a harmful and insidious form of abuse that can have long-lasting effects on a person’s well-being. It is important to recognize the signs, understand its impact, and know how to cope with it. Seeking support, practicing self-care, setting boundaries, and educating yourself are all important steps towards healing from emotional abuse. Remember, you are not alone, and there is hope for a brighter future beyond the pain of emotional abuse.

Do you recognise these signs in your relationship?

If so, don’t suffer alone.  Reach out to a member of our team who can guide you through your thoughts, feelings and possible next steps.

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The post What is Emotional Abuse: Understanding the Signs and Impact appeared first on The Nurturing Coach.


Narcissistic Abuse Recovery UK: A Comprehensive Guide

If you have been in a relationship with a narcissist, you know how traumatising it can be. Narcissistic abuse is a form of emotional abuse that can leave lasting effects on a person’s mental health and well-being. Recovering from narcissistic abuse can be challenging, but with the right support, it is possible to heal and move forward.


In this article, we will provide you with a comprehensive guide on narcissistic abuse recovery in the UK. We will cover everything from understanding narcissistic abuse, recognising the signs, and steps to take towards healing.


Understanding Narcissistic Abuse


Narcissistic abuse is a form of emotional abuse that is characterised by a pattern of manipulative behaviours used by a narcissistic person to control and dominate their partner. This type of abuse can be difficult to identify because it is often subtle and covert.


What are the Signs of Narcissistic Abuse?


Some signs of narcissistic abuse include:

  • Gaslighting: A form of psychological manipulation that makes the victim doubt their own reality.
  • Blame-shifting: The abuser blames the victim for things that are not their fault.
  • Isolation: The abuser may isolate their victim from friends and family.
  • Emotional blackmail: The abuser may threaten to harm themselves or others if their victim does not comply with their demands.
  • Verbal abuse: The abuser may use name-calling, insults, and other forms of verbal abuse to undermine their victim’s self-esteem.


How Does Narcissistic Abuse Affect Victims?


Narcissistic abuse can have serious effects on a victim’s mental health and well-being, including:

  • Anxiety and depression
  • Low self-esteem and self-worth
  • Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
  • Difficulty trusting others
  • Difficulty establishing healthy relationships


Recovering from Narcissistic Abuse


Recovering from narcissistic abuse can be a long and difficult process, but it is possible. Here are some steps you can take towards healing:

1. Seek Professional Help

Seeking the help of a mental health professional is essential in the recovery process. A therapist can help you work through the trauma of narcissistic abuse and provide you with tools and strategies for healing. Book yourself a consultation with one of our specially trained therapists today.

2. Join a Support Group

Joining a support group can provide you with a safe and supportive environment to share your experiences with others who have been through similar situations. It can also provide you with a sense of community and validation.  There are many available on Facebook if you put narcissistic abuse in the search bar.

3. Practice Self-Care

Practicing self-care is essential in the recovery process. This includes getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, exercising regularly, and engaging in activities that bring you joy.

4. Set Boundaries

Setting boundaries is essential in protecting yourself from future abuse. This may include limiting contact with the abuser or ending the relationship altogether.

5. Focus on Your Goals

Focusing on your goals and building a new life for yourself can help you move forward from the trauma of narcissistic abuse. This may include pursuing new hobbies, making new friends, or starting a new career.


Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Resources in the UK


Here are some resources available in the UK for those recovering from narcissistic abuse:

1. National Domestic Abuse Helpline

The National Domestic Abuse Helpline provides support and advice for those experiencing domestic abuse, including narcissistic abuse. You can contact them 24/7 on 0808 2000 247.

2. ManKind Initiative

ManKind Initiative provides support for male victims of domestic abuse, including narcissistic abuse. They offer online chat and phone support on 01823 334244.


3. Mind

Mind is a mental health charity that provides information and support for those experiencing mental health issues, including those recovering from narcissistic abuse. They offer a range of services, including a helpline, online support groups, and resources for self-care.

4. NHS Mental Health Services

The NHS provides mental health services that can be accessed through your GP. They offer a range of services, including therapy and counselling, to help those recovering from mental health issues, including those resulting from narcissistic abuse.

5. Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Programmes

There are also specific narcissistic abuse recovery programmes available in the UK, which offer a range of therapies and support services for those recovering from narcissistic abuse. These programmes are often run by mental health professionals and can be accessed privately or through referral from your GP.  We are affiliates for Melanie Tonia Evans Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Programme.

  1. Specialist therapy services

We at The Nurturing Coach offer specialist therapy services for victims of narcissistic abuse to help with your recovery.  You can access online course, blog posts, videos, workshops and one to one therapy.  Take your time to explore our website, you will find lots of helpful resources.




Recovering from narcissistic abuse can be a challenging journey, but it is possible with the right support and resources. Understanding the signs of narcissistic abuse and seeking professional help are essential steps towards healing. Joining support groups, practicing self-care, setting boundaries, and focusing on your goals can also help you move forward from the trauma of narcissistic abuse.


Remember, you are not alone in this journey, and there are resources available to help you. Don’t hesitate to reach out for support and take the necessary steps towards healing.

The post Narcissistic Abuse Recovery UK: A Comprehensive Guide appeared first on The Nurturing Coach.


Woman holding her hands out to the sun

Conscious Uncoupling: Are You an Enlightened Divorcee?

Woman holding her hands out to the sun


Thanks to celebs like Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin’s public “conscious uncoupling,” we have an expected way to divorce and co-parent, which has now been heralded as the best way to do this breakup thing.

While I’m not sure of Gwyn and Chris’ specific divorce reasons and I do believe people evolve out of certain relationships and exit as friends, now that this “conscious uncoupling” standard is out there, it is undoubtedly misunderstood and usurped by abusers as evidence that you are not on the same level your enlightened ex.

Enlightened Divorcee

It’s another manipulation tactic that puts the impetus on the survivor to “prove” their healing, using this enlightened co-parent argument to pathologize us. They use this example to encourage the implication that there’s something wrong with you – usually in terms of your psychological well-being while at the same time elevating themselves.

This more intentional way to part ways has now become the external marker for others to determine if we are healed and healthy. Abusers use it as another form of triangulation. They position you and your lack of healing against outsiders who can judge you as a way to demean you and bully you into submission, which highlights how much they are superior to you. “Look even others think you are still crazy and not over this yet!”

Still Crazy

These are slightly more camouflaged attacks against your mental health and just another way to keep you off-center.

Don’t get hooked. The more power you let them have over your emotions, the less likely you will trust your own reality and the truth about the abuser.

I was surprised I had internalized the pathology around this because we fall back on the narrative that yes, if I were truly healed, their shit wouldn’t still bother me or that I would be over this by now. No.

Healing is not linear or happens on a certain timeline.

Validate Your Own Feelings

Let’s make sure we determine the metrics for our own healing. These might include: Do I listen to myself more? Do I validate my own feelings? Am I getting stronger in my sense of self? Do I sit with my feelings without condemning them? Do I know what real love and support looks like?

Don’t let this co-opted story of the enlightened divorce pervade your sense of clarity.

The beauty that goes missing in this story is that both Gywn and Chris probably did some serious work on themselves and met each other where they were in their healing. But you can only meet a person where they have met themselves. Unfortunately, several of us are divorced/divorcing from someone who hasn’t done their work and projects that onto us as a way to shield themselves.

So I encourage you, don’t accept this bullshit. Strive for your own emotional healing.  Keep clear on why you divorced in the first place.

There is probably a history of inconspicuous emotional abuse with your ex that you are finally seeing clearly now. Don’t get disillusioned by the hope that the person you divorced is now some conscious co-parent and you are still stuck in the past.

If that were true, your ex wouldn’t be shaming, demanding, or pressuring you with a “how to heal appropriately story,” as if their perspective is the only correct way to look at things.

No one holds the keys to healing but you. Remember this. This is the path to enlightenment.

The post Conscious Uncoupling: Are You an Enlightened Divorcee? appeared first on Divorced Moms.


sad mother sitting on the floor crying holding a child's shoe

6 Ways a Mother Can Lose Custody as a Result of Her Misconduct

sad mother sitting on the floor crying holding a child's shoe


It is a difficult decision for any parent to lose custody of their children. It can be an even more difficult decision when the mother has lost custody due to her own misconduct.

Ways a Mother Can Lose Custody

In order to understand how this could happen, it’s important that we take the time to examine 6 ways in which a mother might lose custody as a result of her own actions:

1. Child Abuse

Society tends to see women as nurturing, but they can be just as capable of abuse. Despite the commonly held belief that women are less capable of child abuse than men, it is often more shocking to learn that a mother has abused her children. Some people assume this type of behavior occurs in only one-parent families and especially among stepfathers or adoptive parents, however, mothers can also be abusive.

The reason mothers lose custody of their children is abuse: physical, emotional, and sexual. Some people assume that women are less likely to be abusers, however, they can commit all types of child abuse which makes it more shocking when a mother abuses her kids because society sees them as nurturing but sometimes this isn’t the case.

Sometimes, a mother isn’t abusive herself but fails to protect her children from abuse by the new partner. If the court becomes aware of this behavior in either case, they are likely to lose custody.

When a father knows his child is being abused by the mother but does nothing about it, he fails to protect their child and this can impact both his custodial rights as well as the mother’s. This means that parents have an obligation to take care of their children.

2. Child Neglect

If a mother neglects her child’s basic needs, like health and education, she runs the risk of losing custody. For example: if she leaves them hungry or homeless without any clothes to wear they will likely end up in foster care. Neglect is often intertwined with other issues such as abuse or substance use so one should not be ignored for another.

There is no set standard for a “perfect parent”. Family law judges understand that parenting isn’t perfect, so they are willing to overlook some small mishaps such as being late picking up the children from school or not keeping an appointment. However, if there’s long-term neglect of the child and this threatens their well-being, then you could risk losing your parental rights with family court intervening.

A father may be able to prove the negligence of his children by the mother. Teachers, daycare providers, family members, and others are all potential sources for proof against a negligent parent. If these people notice that there is something wrong with how parents care for their kids but don’t know what exactly it might be or if they would want to testify in court about it on behalf of an estranged father’s custody case, then perhaps direct evidence can help them out!

3. Substance Abuse or Addiction

The courts take addiction to alcohol and drugs very seriously, in part because it can have a negative impact on the care that an addict’s children receive. If a mother struggles with addictions to alcohol and other substances she may be put into question as being unfit or unable to take care of her children.

If a mother is discovered to have a dependency on prohibited substances or drugs and alcohol, she risks having her custody rights revoked. Children of addicts are more likely to suffer neglect, abuse, and imitate their parents by picking up bad habits as well. In cases where there’s evidence of the mother’s substance use (drug/alcohol), fathers can present this evidence requesting that his ex-wife be stripped of visitation privileges with his children altogether in order for them not to pick up these unhealthy behaviors themselves.

Despite the fact that a mother can be awarded custody if she agrees to get treatment for her addiction, this isn’t always possible.

A result of giving mothers custody over their children when they are addicted is it may endanger them physically, sexually, or emotionally and put their lives in danger (e.g., drunk driving). However, there are times where mothers might still retain custody after signing an agreement allowing them access to counseling for addictions as well as following through on getting help from these services (if necessary) .

4. Violating a Court Order

A mother’s custody rights can be lost or reduced should she violate a child custody order. When a parent disobeys their scheduled responsibilities, neglects court-ordered visitation times with the father, and interferes with his parental privileges they may face consequences such as losing legal custodial authority of her offspring.

If a shared custody agreement is ordered by the court, and she fails to comply or interferes with her co-parent’s parenting time, then she will be in violation of the court order.

Violations of court orders are like any other form of misconduct: the more serious the violation is, it should be treated with a correspondingly stronger punishment. Assume that a mother consistently misses deadlines for dropping off or picking up her child by only several minutes, this technically qualifies as violating an existing custody agreement but will rarely have drastic consequences on their custodial rights since these kinds of minor violations tend to carry minimal punishments in most cases.

A mother who decides that the court’s order providing specific parenting time is a suggestion and not a directive may violate their custody agreement. If this continues to happen, it could lead to losing custody of her child.

A father should keep a detailed log of every time his ex-wife interferes with or violates their court order. Every instance the mother keeps the child from him sabotages visitation plans, and more can be used against her in court to lessen her custody rights as punishment for causing havoc between them.

Fathers should be sure not to let the violations of a court order go without any consequences. The usual reason they do this is that they want to avoid conflict, but mothers will only see that as an opportunity for them to violate it more often and solidify in their minds that it’s just a suggestion instead of something she needs to follow.

5. Domestic Violence

Domestic violence is not just something that happens to other people. To protect your children, you should also know the signs of domestic violence that are exhibited by mothers. You do not have to put up with abuse and ensure that they stay safe from harm.

If a mother is deemed to be abusive, she can have her custody revoked. This will ensure that the children are not exposed to potentially harmful abuse and also protect them from potential future harm.

Domestic violence is emotional abuse that may turn physical with time. Children are in danger of being exposed to this if they come in contact with or spend significant time, living in the home. Courts are aware of this and will take action for your safety.

6. Severe Mental Health Issues

Mothers with mental health concerns still have the right to custody of their children, however, if a mother’s state endangers her child/children or compromises them in any way then she can lose that legal privilege.

In these cases, the court has to consider whether or not it is in their children’s best interests if they are left under a mother’s care. The father will have to show that her mental health issues compromise their safety and argue that without his presence, their well-being would be better protected. This can sometimes require extensive interviews by psychologists as well as counseling before any final decision being made so this process may take some time but should always remain fair for both parties involved.

Other ways considered by the Law for mothers to lose custody of their children:

  • Child Abduction
  • Parental Alienation
  • Lack of Involvement in the Child’s Care
  • Reporting Abuse by the Other Parent

The final and most important thing a mother can do is to seek the help of an attorney. There are many ways for mothers to lose custody of their children as a result of misconduct, but there are also attorneys that specialize in challenging such decisions. If you’re feeling like your child’s best interests may not be at risk due to this ruling, please contact one of our lawyers today. They will work hard on your behalf and make sure that your rights as a parent remain intact so that you have time to raise them with the love and care they deserve!

The post 6 Ways a Mother Can Lose Custody as a Result of Her Misconduct appeared first on Divorced Moms.


10 Signs of Narcissistic Abuse: How to Recognise and Protect Yourself

Narcissistic abuse is a form of emotional abuse that occurs when a person with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) uses manipulative tactics to control and dominate their partner or others around them. Narcissists have an inflated sense of self-importance, and they often exploit others to boost their ego. If you suspect that you are a victim of narcissistic abuse, it’s important to recognize the signs and take steps to protect yourself. In this article, we’ll discuss 10 signs of narcissistic abuse and provide tips on how to heal from emotional manipulation.


10 Signs of Narcissistic Abuse:


  1. Gaslighting: Narcissists often manipulate their victims by making them doubt their own perceptions, memories, and beliefs. They may tell you that your feelings are irrational, or that you’re imagining things that never happened. This tactic is called gaslighting, and it’s a common form of emotional abuse.
  2. Blaming and Shaming: Narcissists rarely take responsibility for their actions, and they often blame others for their mistakes. They may also shame their victims by making them feel guilty or inadequate.
  3. Criticism and Negativity: Narcissists are often highly critical of their victims and may focus on their flaws and shortcomings. They may also be overly negative and pessimistic, which can be draining and demoralising.
  4. Emotional Manipulation: Narcissists are skilled at manipulating others to get what they want. They may use emotional blackmail, guilt-tripping, or other tactics to control their victims.
  5. Isolation: Narcissists often try to isolate their victims from friends and family members. They may discourage you from spending time with people who care about you, or they may try to control your social life.
  6. Financial Control: Narcissists may try to control their victims’ finances by limiting their access to money, withholding funds, or sabotaging their career opportunities.
  7. Intimidation: Narcissists may use intimidation tactics to control their victims. They may use threats, aggression, or physical violence to intimidate and control their partner.
  8. Love Bombing: Narcissists often use love bombing to manipulate their victims into feeling indebted to them. They may shower you with affection and gifts at the beginning of the relationship, only to withdraw their affection and attention later on.
  9. Triangulation: Narcissists may use triangulation to create jealousy and competition between their victims. They may compare you to others, or they may flirt with other people to make you feel insecure.
  10. Lack of Empathy: Narcissists often lack empathy and may be unable to understand or relate to their victims’ feelings. They may minimise your pain or dismiss your emotions, which can be hurtful and invalidating.


How to Heal from Narcissistic Abuse:


If you suspect that you are a victim of narcissistic abuse, it’s important to take steps to protect yourself and seek support. Here are some tips on how to heal from emotional manipulation:

  • Acknowledge the abuse: Recognize that you are a victim of emotional abuse and that it’s not your fault.
  • Set boundaries: Establish clear boundaries with the narcissist and stick to them. Don’t allow them to manipulate or control you.
  • Seek support: Talk to a therapist or a trusted friend or family member about your experiences. They can provide you with emotional support and help you develop coping strategies
  • Practice self-care: Take care of yourself by eating well, exercising, and engaging in activities that bring you joy.
  • Limit contact with the narcissist: If possible, limit your contact with the narcissist or consider ending the relationship altogether.
  • Focus on your healing: It’s important to focus on your own healing and growth after experiencing narcissistic abuse. Seek professional help if necessary, and take the time you need to heal.



Q: Can narcissistic abuse lead to PTSD?

A: Yes, victims of narcissistic abuse may develop post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) as a result of the emotional trauma they experienced.

Q: Can narcissists change their behaviour?

A: While it is possible for narcissists to change their behaviour, it is rare. Most narcissists lack the self-awareness and empathy necessary to recognise and address their harmful behaviour.

Q: Is it possible to have a healthy relationship with a narcissist?

A: It is unlikely that a healthy relationship can be established with a narcissist. The best course of action is to seek support and establish healthy boundaries.

If you are experiencing narcissistic abuse, it’s important to recognise the signs and take steps to protect yourself. Narcissistic abuse can be emotionally devastating, but with the right support and strategies, healing is possible. Remember that you are not alone, and that there is help available for those who need it. If you or someone you know is a victim of narcissistic abuse, seek support and take the necessary steps to protect yourself from emotional manipulation.

Do you recognise these signs in your relationship?

If you recognise the signs identified in this blog and are worried about your relationship, speak to a specialist counsellor today and get support to work through your concerns and develop an action plan.

Find Out More

The post 10 Signs of Narcissistic Abuse: How to Recognise and Protect Yourself appeared first on The Nurturing Coach.


Covert Narcissistic Abuse: What It Is and How to Recognise It

Narcissistic abuse is a term used to describe the behaviors and actions of a narcissistic person that cause harm, either physically, mentally, or emotionally, to their victim. Narcissistic abuse can be overt or covert, and it can happen in personal relationships, family relationships, and even professional relationships. Covert narcissistic abuse can be particularly difficult to recognise, and victims may not even realize they are being abused until it is too late.

In this article, we will explore what covert narcissistic abuse is, how to recognise it, and steps you can take to protect yourself.


What is Covert Narcissistic Abuse?


Covert narcissistic abuse is a form of abuse in which the narcissistic person uses subtle manipulation and control tactics to undermine and exploit their victim. Covert narcissists are often charming, charismatic, and intelligent, which makes it difficult for their victims to recognise the abuse. They use passive-aggressive behaviors and gaslighting to make their victim doubt their own perceptions and reality.

Covert narcissistic abuse can take many forms, including:

  • Emotional manipulation: Covert narcissists use emotional manipulation to control their victim’s behavior. They may use guilt, fear, or shame to get their victim to do what they want.
  • Gaslighting: Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse in which the abuser makes their victim doubt their own memories, perceptions, and sanity.
  • Silent treatment: Covert narcissists may use the silent treatment to punish their victim for not doing what they want or for challenging their authority.
  • Projection: Covert narcissists may project their own negative qualities onto their victim, making them feel guilty or ashamed for something they did not do.
  • Triangulation: Triangulation is a tactic in which the narcissist pits their victim against another person, often someone close to them, to create drama and control the situation.


Recognising Covert Narcissistic Abuse:


Recognising covert narcissistic abuse can be challenging, as the abuse is often subtle and manipulative. However, there are some signs to watch out for:

  • You feel like you are constantly walking on eggshells around the narcissist, afraid to say or do anything that might upset them.
  • You feel like you are always the one apologizing, even when you have done nothing wrong.
  • You feel like you are constantly being criticized and judged by the narcissist, and you can never do anything right.
  • You feel like you are always defending yourself and your actions to the narcissist, even when you know you have done nothing wrong.
  • You feel like you are losing your sense of self and your confidence, as the narcissist makes you doubt your own perceptions and reality.
  • You feel like you are always doing things to please the narcissist, even if it goes against your own values or beliefs.

Our video The Most Dangerous Type Of Narcissist delves more into this dark personality.


Steps to Protect Yourself:


If you suspect that you are a victim of covert narcissistic abuse, there are steps you can take to protect yourself:

  • recognise the abuse: The first step in protecting yourself from covert narcissistic abuse is to recognise that it is happening. Educate yourself about narcissistic abuse and the tactics that narcissists use to manipulate and control their victims.
  • Set boundaries: Once you have recognised the abuse, it is important to set clear boundaries with the narcissist. Let them know what behaviors are not acceptable and what consequences they will face if they continue to engage in those behaviors.
  • Seek support: Narcissistic abuse can have a significant impact on a person’s mental and emotional well-being. Seek support from a therapist or counselor who has experience working with victims of narcissistic abuse.
  • Practice self-care: It is important to take care of yourself while dealing with narcissistic abuse. Practice self-care activities such as meditation, exercise, or spending time with supportive friends and family
  • Consider going no-contact: In some cases, going no-contact with the narcissist may be the best option for protecting yourself. This can be a difficult decision to make, but it may be necessary to maintain your mental and emotional well-being.




Covert narcissistic abuse can be difficult to recognise but can have a significant impact on a person’s mental and emotional well-being. It is important to educate yourself about the signs of covert narcissistic abuse and to take steps to protect yourself if you suspect that you are a victim. Remember that you are not alone, and there is help and support available for those who have experienced narcissistic abuse.

The post Covert Narcissistic Abuse: What It Is and How to Recognise It appeared first on The Nurturing Coach.


Confused man in gray turtleneck

Why Women File For Divorce More Often And Men Are Clueless

Confused man in gray turtleneck


I read a comment by a man in an article about women and divorce. You know,  some men don’t like women, they especially don’t like women who file for divorce. This was an Andrew Tate type man. I’m sure he is full of thoughts on the modern woman and has a longing for the good old days when women know their place.

Anyway, this man had it all figured out. He thought he did, anyway. For him, it was all about money. Men work themselves half to death but can never satisfy a selfish woman.

“So, if he works long hours to get the house the new car, and sends the kids to expensive schools because he is paying high property taxes. You are getting a divorce? And if he is not ambitious enough by killing himself to make more money to have a more luxurious lifestyle you are getting a divorce? So how come our grandparents were happy with the little they had but were happily married?”

I can tell, from reading that comment that he was the type of man who worked 6 days a week, 10 hours a day. He came home from work and sat in front of the television and waited for his wife to put dinner on the table.

After dinner, he plopped down in front of the television again while the wife got the kids bathed and ready for bed and then cleaned up the kitchen. This man is a knuckle-dragging neanderthal who believes that he did manly things like earn money and the wife did womanly things like run the household and raise the young’uns.

I can almost guarantee you also, that his wife worked too but since he made more money than her, her job was more of a hobby than an income-producing endeavor. She was tired, stressed, and overwhelmed and when she tried to share her feelings with him he tuned out. After all, life was good, so she really had nothing to complain about. She’d get over it.

Imagine his surprise and dismay when she filed for divorce and took her life into her own hands.

And then there was this comment…“If a victim or victim’s family member can forgive and even start a friendship with a rapist or murderer, there is always hope, there is always a chance of reconciliation. I know it is not easy, but it is POSSIBLE. Women are just less willing to practice forgiveness!”

This man thought that women should be willing to forgive men who did things that could be compared to rape and murder. “He beat you? Forgive him!” We all know who this man is, don’t we? He is a Christian man. In his eyes divorce is certainly not an act of faith and there is nothing more important to him than his FAITH. Certainly not his wife who, according to his biblical belief is inferior to him. He is a man, she is a woman! She is to stand by her man even if it is with bruises on her face.

Neither one of these men have an inkling as to why women leave a marriage. They have skewed opinions that keep them from having to take any responsibility and do any navel-gazing. They can keep on keeping on, making that next wife miserable cause it isn’t their problem.

But let’s talk about the reality behind that 73% of women who file for divorce and why they do it. And I want ya’ll to come back in a couple of weeks and read the comments left by men. This article will go right over their heads. And they can continue to take no responsibility for the state of their marriages.

8 Reasons Women File for Divorce More Than Men

Domestic Violence:

Domestic violence is a major reason why women file for divorce more than men. Women are more likely to experience physical and emotional abuse in their marriage and thus more likely to seek a way out.


Women are more likely to feel betrayed by their partner’s infidelity than men. This feeling of betrayal can lead to divorce.

Lack of Intimacy:

Women are more likely to feel neglected if their partner does not show enough interest in them or fails to provide the emotional support they need. This lack of connection can lead to a breakdown in the marriage.


Because of the educational and career trends noted above, women are more empowered to leave marriages that make them miserable. The shifts in educational and career status have liberated them. Women have become more independent and financially secure in their own right.  Regardless of the individual reasons that make them ultimately want to leave their marriage, empowerment is the reason they are able to leave.

Gender roles:

Gender roles also play a big part in men not leaving the marriage. Since women tend to do more shopping, cooking, and cleaning than men do, men have a greater lifestyle change if they leave the marriage. Men are not as motivated to leave the marriage even if they have strayed outside their marriage. This is partly about being able to “have their cake and eat it too” and partly because they are more complacent. They just won’t leave unless they are forced to.

Remember the movie, “When Harry Met Sally”? For part of the movie, Carrie Fisher’s character, Marie, is involved with a married man. In several scenes, she is talking to her girlfriends and feels that she is wasting her time. At one point, she tells her friend Sally (Meg Ryan), ”He just spent $120 on a new nightgown for his wife. He’s never going to leave her.” Sally tells her, “No one thinks he is ever going to leave her.” Marie says, ”You’re right, I know you’re right.” When Harry Met Sally Quotes

Financial Issues:

Women are often the ones responsible for handling the finances in a marriage, and so if the financial situation becomes difficult, it is more likely to be the woman who will take the lead on filing for divorce.

A woman is less likely to put up with a husband who doesn’t pull his weight, jumps from one job to the next, and leaves her feeling she is less than fanatically secure.


Women may be more likely to take action if they are feeling unhappy or unsatisfied in the marriage. Men often feel more pressure and are less concerned with their wife’s unhappiness. They have a “make it work” or stay in an unhappy marriage, whereas women may be more likely to take the initiative to seek a way out.

Women are often left with no other choice than divorce:

Men are notorious for leaving women and their children in a lurch. They abandon their families for the new flavor of the month or because they hit midlife and a crisis. They don’t have to bother with divorce because they know their wives will take care of that pesky task before she allows him to destroy them financially.

And there you have it, what women know, and men refuse to acknowledge.

The post Why Women File For Divorce More Often And Men Are Clueless appeared first on Divorced Moms.


Coparenting with a Narcissist: Strategies to Manage Conflicts

Co-parenting can be a challenging task for any parent, but co-parenting with a narcissist can be even more difficult. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a mental health condition that affects 1% of the population. It is a disorder characterised by a lack of empathy, an inflated sense of self-importance, and a need for admiration. Narcissists can be manipulative, controlling, and difficult to communicate with. If you are co-parenting with a narcissist, it is important to learn effective strategies for setting boundaries, communicating effectively, and managing conflicts.

What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?


Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a mental health condition characterised by a lack of empathy, an inflated sense of self-importance, and a need for admiration. People with NPD often have an exaggerated sense of their own abilities and accomplishments, and they may believe they are superior to others. They may also be preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, or beauty. Narcissists may exploit others for their own gain, lack empathy for others, and have difficulty maintaining healthy relationships.

Co-parenting with a Narcissist

Co-parenting with a narcissist can be a challenging task. Narcissists may try to control the co-parenting relationship, manipulate their children, or use their children as pawns in their own power struggles. However, it is possible to co-parent successfully with a narcissist by setting boundaries, communicating effectively, and managing conflicts.

Download our free Co-Parenting Guide


Setting Boundaries

Setting boundaries is an essential part of co-parenting with a narcissist. It is important to establish clear guidelines for communication, decision-making, and parenting responsibilities. Boundaries help to prevent the narcissist from controlling the co-parenting relationship and allow the other parent to maintain their own autonomy.

Effective boundaries may include:

  • Limiting communication to specific times or methods, such as email or a co-parenting app.
  • Defining decision-making responsibilities, such as which parent is responsible for making medical or educational decisions.
  • Establishing a parenting plan that outlines parenting time, holidays, and special events.
  • Avoiding discussions about personal matters or past relationship issues.


Communication Strategies

Communicating effectively with a narcissist can be challenging. Narcissists may be manipulative, dismissive, or defensive in their communication. However, it is possible to communicate effectively by using specific strategies.

Effective communication strategies may include:

  • Using “I” statements to express feelings or concerns without blaming the other parent.
  • Staying calm and avoiding emotional reactions to the narcissist’s behaviour.
  • Sticking to specific topics and avoiding tangents or personal attacks.
  • Maintaining a professional tone and avoiding sarcasm or insults.
  • Documenting all communication and keeping a record of important decisions or agreements.
Download our free guide to Communicating With An Abusive Ex


Managing Conflicts

Conflicts are inevitable in any co-parenting relationship, but conflicts with a narcissist can be particularly challenging. Narcissists may try to escalate conflicts, manipulate the situation, or turn the children against the other parent. However, it is possible to manage conflicts effectively by using specific strategies.

Effective conflict management strategies may include:

Seek professional help

If you find yourself struggling to effectively communicate and manage conflicts with a narcissistic ex-partner, seeking the help of a professional can be incredibly beneficial. A licensed therapist or counsellor can help you develop coping strategies and provide guidance on how to navigate the complexities of coparenting with a narcissist.

Avoid engaging in power struggles

It’s essential to avoid engaging in power struggles with a narcissistic ex-partner. Narcissists crave power and control, and engaging in a power struggle can give them the attention and validation they seek. Instead, try to focus on what is best for your children and communicate in a calm and rational manner.


Communicate in writing

When communicating with a narcissistic ex-partner, it can be helpful to do so in writing. This allows you to carefully choose your words and avoid getting drawn into arguments. It also provides a record of your communication, which can be helpful if conflicts arise in the future.


Set clear boundaries

Setting clear boundaries is crucial when coparenting with a narcissist. Establishing boundaries can help protect you and your children from emotional abuse and manipulation. Examples of boundaries you may want to set could include limiting communication to specific times of the day or week, not responding to emails or texts that are inflammatory or manipulative, and not engaging in arguments over the phone.


Practice self-care

Taking care of yourself is essential when coparenting with a narcissist. Narcissistic ex-partners can be emotionally draining and manipulative, and it’s essential to prioritise your own well-being. This can include getting enough sleep, eating healthy foods, exercising, and finding ways to manage stress, such as through meditation or therapy.


In conclusion, co-parenting with a narcissist can be a challenging experience, but it is not impossible. It requires a lot of patience, understanding, and flexibility. Effective co-parenting strategies involve setting boundaries, communicating effectively, and managing conflicts that arise in a constructive manner.


Remember, the well-being of your children should always come first. It is essential to remain calm and level-headed when dealing with a narcissistic co-parent. Always keep your communication polite and respectful, and don’t hesitate to seek professional help if needed.


By implementing the strategies discussed in this article, you can create a more positive co-parenting experience for yourself and your children. Don’t give up hope, and always remember that you are not alone in this journey.


Q: What are some common traits of a narcissistic ex-partner?

A: Narcissistic individuals tend to have an inflated sense of self-importance, a constant need for admiration and attention, a lack of empathy for others, and a tendency to exploit others for their own gain.

Q: How can I effectively communicate with a narcissistic ex-partner?

A: It’s important to remain calm and rational when communicating with a narcissistic ex-partner. It can also be helpful to communicate in writing, set clear boundaries, and avoid engaging in power struggles.

Q: What should I do if my narcissistic ex-partner is emotionally abusive towards me or our children?

A: It’s important to seek professional help if your narcissistic ex-partner is emotionally abusive towards you or your children. A licensed therapist or counsellor can provide guidance and support on how to cope with the abuse and protect yourself and your children.

Q: How can I protect my children when coparenting with a narcissistic ex-partner?

A: Setting clear boundaries and communicating in writing can help protect you and your children from emotional abuse and manipulation. It’s also important to prioritise your children’s well-being and seek professional help if needed.

Q: Can a narcissistic ex-partner change their behaviour?

A: It’s possible for a narcissistic individual to change their behaviour, but it’s rare. Narcissistic traits are deeply ingrained, and individuals with narcissistic personality disorder may not see their behaviour as problematic. However, seeking professional help and therapy can be beneficial in some cases.

The post Coparenting with a Narcissist: Strategies to Manage Conflicts appeared first on The Nurturing Coach.


Gaslighting: When Manipulative People Turn Your Words Back Against You

Gaslighting: When Manipulative People Turn Your Words Back Against You

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that seeks to sow seeds of mistrust in a targeted individual or in members of a targeted group, making them question their own memory, perception, and sanity. Gaslighting is often implemented through persistent denial, misdirection, contradiction, and lying by an abuser, which can be psychologically damaging.

1. What is Gaslighting?


The term was coined by psychiatrist Edward Herman, who published a book with that title in 1944. The term is most commonly associated with the 1944 MGM film “Gaslight” and the 1944 British stage play “Gaslight”, both of which depict a man attempting to drive his wife mad by manipulating her into questioning her own sanity.


This form of abuse typically includes the abuser telling the victim that they are going crazy and need to seek help. The abuser will also deny any wrongdoing and make the victim question their own thoughts and feelings. Gaslighting is not a one-time incident but is a pattern of behavior that can last for years.

2. What are some examples of Gaslighting?

Some examples of gaslighting include denying that certain events happened or accusing the victim of being overly sensitive or irrational. Gaslighters may also twist the victim’s words or use their insecurities to make them doubt their own perceptions. Another common tactic is to play the victim and blame the victim for causing the gaslighter’s behavior. Gaslighting can occur in a variety of settings, including personal relationships, the workplace, and even in politics. It can be subtle or blatant, but in all cases, it can be damaging to the victim’s self-esteem and mental health.


  • Belittling the victim’s emotions and feelings: Gaslighters may dismiss the victim’s feelings by telling them they’re being too sensitive, overreacting, or that their emotions aren’t valid.
  • Withholding information: Gaslighters may withhold important information from the victim, which can make the victim doubt their own memory or perception of events.
  • Insisting on a different version of events: Gaslighters may tell the victim that things happened differently from how they remember, which can make the victim question their own memory and sense of reality.
  • Manipulating the victim’s reality: Gaslighters may use manipulation tactics, such as setting up situations to make the victim doubt their own memory or perception of events.
  • Making the victim feel guilty: Gaslighters may use guilt to control the victim, by accusing them of being responsible for the gaslighter’s behavior or emotions.

These are just a few examples of gaslighting tactics. It’s important to recognize that gaslighting can be subtle or overt, and can occur in a variety of contexts.

3. How do people Gaslight?

Here are some ways in which people gaslight others:


  • Denying reality: A gaslighter may flat-out deny that something happened or try to convince the victim that they’re imagining things.
  • Minimizing the victim’s feelings: A gaslighter may tell the victim that they’re overreacting, that they’re being too sensitive, or that their emotions are not valid.
  • Blaming the victim: A gaslighter may turn the tables and blame the victim for the gaslighter’s behavior, making the victim feel responsible for the gaslighting.
  • Twisting the victim’s words: A gaslighter may twist the victim’s words and use them against them, causing confusion and making the victim question their own memory.
  • Using their own feelings to control the victim: A gaslighter may use their own emotions to manipulate the victim, by playing the victim themselves or telling the victim they’re responsible for the gaslighter’s emotions.
  • Isolating the victim: A gaslighter may try to isolate the victim from friends and family or make the victim doubt their support system, making it harder for the victim to get help or perspective.

4. What are some signs of Gaslighting?

Here are some common signs of gaslighting:

  • Doubting your own memory: A gaslighter may make you doubt your own memory of events, causing you to question whether something actually happened.
  • Second-guessing yourself: A gaslighter may make you question your own judgment or instincts, causing you to doubt your ability to make decisions.
  • Feeling confused: Gaslighting can leave you feeling confused and disoriented, unsure of what is real and what is not.
  • Feeling isolated: A gaslighter may try to isolate you from your support system, making it harder for you to get perspective on what is happening.
  • Feeling like you’re going crazy: Gaslighting can make you feel like you’re losing your mind, as you question your own thoughts and perceptions.
  • Apologizing for things you didn’t do: A gaslighter may make you feel like you’re always in the wrong, even when you haven’t done anything wrong.
  • Blaming yourself: A gaslighter may make you feel like you’re responsible for their behavior or emotions, even if you’re not.


5. What is the impact on the victim?

The impact of gaslighting on the victim can be significant and long-lasting. Here are some common effects of gaslighting:


  • Low self-esteem: Gaslighting can make the victim doubt their own abilities and worth, causing them to have low self-esteem.
  • Anxiety and depression: Gaslighting can cause the victim to feel anxious and depressed, as they struggle to understand what is real and what is not.
  • Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD): Gaslighting can cause the victim to develop PTSD, as they struggle to process the emotional abuse they have experienced.
  • Difficulty trusting others: Gaslighting can make the victim wary of trusting others, as they struggle to know who to believe or who to confide in.
  • Loss of identity: Gaslighting can make the victim doubt their own identity, as they struggle to know who they are or what they believe.
  • Self-doubt: Gaslighting can make the victim doubt their own thoughts and perceptions, causing them to feel uncertain about their own beliefs and values.
  • Isolation: Gaslighting can cause the victim to feel isolated, as they may feel like they can’t trust anyone or that no one will believe them.


It’s important to recognize that the impact of gaslighting can be serious and long-lasting. If you’re experiencing gaslighting, it’s important to reach out to a trusted friend or mental health

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