gray haired happy woman

When You’re Drunk in Love, But You Finally Came to Your Senses…After 30 Years

gray haired happy woman


“In sickness and in health…for richer or poorer…Until death do us part.”

People get married to grow old with each other. During their nuptials, partners exchange marriage vows and speak of a love that lasts forever. You say words full of promises to be there for each other no matter the circumstance. However, it’s not always the case. Couples can decide to part ways even after 30 years into their marriage.

Drunk in Love

Take the case of Bill and Melinda Gates. The couple, married for 27 years, shocked the world when they announced their split. But their separation isn’t special. Divorce after years of marriage is pretty common.

Why does this happen? Is it a trend or a pressing problem with ramifications for both parties? This article will discuss why the overall divorce rate for the older demographic is increasing over time.

What is Gray Divorce?

Gray divorce is also known as a “silver splitter.” It’s a legal separation between two older adults aged 50 and above. These couples have shared long-lasting relationships between 20 to 30 years together. Most involved in these divorce proceedings belong to the baby boomer generation and mostly have gray hairs. Hence, the name gray divorce.

The gray divorce rate going up is not news. It’s been going on for years. A 2012 study documented that marriage dissolution in people aged 50 and older doubled within 10 years. In 2010 alone, 25 percent of divorces belonged to the older age group.

Today, not much has changed. The latest report by the US Census Department highlighted that 34.9 percent of Americans filing for divorce in 2020 were 55 years old and older.

Interestingly, these older adults not only have to deal with financial constraints but also health concerns. Divorcing after years of marriage also means saying goodbye to a longer life. Studies have shown that married individuals have longer life expectancy than unmarried ones.

Three Reasons Why Even Long-Term Marriages End up in Divorce

Long-term marriages go through different stages of learning and relearning about each other. Couples discover new things about each other over the years of being together. In the course of their relationship, they may realize that they have different views on things.

There may also be some instances when problems can get out of hand. In such cases, the best course of action is to go their separate ways. While they grow together, it’s also possible for them to grow apart. Here are three common reasons why gray divorce happens:

Empty Nest Syndrome

As adult children seek an independent life by moving out, most couples find themselves spending more time with only each other. This constant exposure to each other’s presence can highlight the dynamics the couples share.

Married couples tend to focus more on their differences now that they no longer have children to look after. During all the years of marriage, most couples rarely spend time alone.

Going on dates and doing activities without the kids are a rarity. As their children are no longer there to mask marital neglect, the cracks of the marriage become more visible.

When they are in their midlife, couples may realize that both of them have changed. They no longer share the same passions and goals.

Financial Issues

Married couples will have to face several challenges as they work through their marriage. A significant one is financial issues. These monetary problems are more tolerable when both spouses have their sources of income.

However, there may be instances when these financial issues become a significant concern in the marriage. Many couples must rely on their retirement funds when they reach retirement age. Living on a fixed income means they must be more careful about their spending habits.

Financial conflicts can also arise from the so-called spender vs. saver dichotomy. This difference in mindset can cause a rift in the marriage.

For example, a partner stays at home with no income while the other continues to work. The other can feel guilty about not contributing financially. The other may feel more power in the relationship because they’re “providing” familial support.

Financial problems can also stem from addictions, often dragging on in the long-term. In such cases, most couples decide to start the divorce process by consulting a certified divorce financial analyst. This helps determine the appropriate spousal support.


Marital neglect is common in long-term marriages. Some couples become so used to seeing and being with their partners that they take each other for granted. It can result in a lack of romance, making them easily succumb to temptation. While there’s no excuse for cheating on a spouse, some partners may seek what their marriage lacks in other people.

According to psychologists, people cheat because they have emotional issues. They use cheating as a way to deal with aging. Starting an affair makes them believe they are still attractive to someone other than their partners.

Many divorcing couples go through bouts of infidelity several times throughout their marriage until they reach a breaking point. However, using infidelity as grounds for divorce can be tricky. While adultery is illegal in some states, it doesn’t hold weight in divorce proceedings. Talking to a family law attorney may be necessary in order to understand your state’s divorce laws.

Divorce After 30 Years: What to Expect

Starting a new life after a long marriage can be challenging but liberating. There are things you must know. Here are some of them.

Retirement and Divorce

Since gray divorce occurs when you’re in your retirement age, it’s essential to secure your finances, healthcare, and retirement accounts to shield yourself from physical and mental injuries.

Keep in mind that your divorce can impact your retirement plans. Ask your divorce attorney about the division of assets and alimony.

Think about your financial security. If you’re relying on monthly pensions, consider if it will be enough to support your needs. You must also look into your healthcare insurance.

If you’re looking to keep lawyers out of the divorce, it is possible to get divorced without hiring an attorney in some states like Texas. Before deciding whether to proceed with a DIY divorce, make sure to look into your state’s laws and consider the pros and cons.

Changes in Family Dynamics

Divorce means a change in the current family dynamics. Post-divorce, the family traditions that you’ve followed for years will change.

Children will end up choosing sides over trivial and important things. Though not always guaranteed, divorce can split the entire family. For example, children must choose which parent they will spend the holidays with. Ultimately, they may decide not to visit anyone at all. This may cause them to grow apart from you.

Older people divorcing doesn’t mean they won’t remarry. Remarried couples often have to deal with introducing their new relationships to their children.

Gray Divorce Is Not the End of Your Story

Divorcing later in life doesn’t mean that you’ve made a mistake. You got married because it felt right at that time. Several things can happen while you’re together that forces you to make the brave decision of accepting your reality.

Remember, divorce doesn’t mean your story is ending. It is the start of another chapter in your life.

The post When You’re Drunk in Love, But You Finally Came to Your Senses…After 30 Years appeared first on Divorced Moms.


Woman holding out empty blue jean pockets

Women Continue to Suffer Financial Problems During and After Divorce

Woman holding out empty blue jean pockets


Family structures have changed drastically over the last several decades. In the past, men were more likely to be the sole or primary income earners for families, and women were more likely to be homemakers. However, this is no longer the case in the majority of American families. Women are just as likely as men to have full-time jobs, and in many families, both spouses share equally in earning income and managing household responsibilities.

Financial Problems During and After Divorce

However, despite these changes, many women continue to face disadvantages during divorce. Certain women are particularly likely to face financial difficulties, such as those who have remained home to care for children, those who earn less than their spouses, or those who have been victims of abuse.

Regardless of your individual situation, it is important to understand the best ways to mitigate the financial risks of divorce while ensuring that your rights will be protected in decisions about property division and other issues. This can ensure that you will be able to move on successfully and build a new life for yourself after ending your marriage.

Addressing the Gender Pay Gap

Despite increased awareness of the inequalities that women often face in the workforce, many women continue to make less than their male counterparts, even when they are doing the same jobs. This can affect women’s ability to support themselves after getting divorced, and it can lead to inequitable financial outcomes, even if a divorce settlement seems to be fair.

Unfortunately, there is little that can be done on the individual level to change policies regarding pay for women throughout the United States. While women cannot force employers to pay them more, they can advocate for themselves in the workplace, and if necessary, they may seek new employment that provides pay that matches their skills and experience.

You can also protect yourself by planning ahead for the loss of income you might experience after your divorce. This may include paying off as much debt as possible using shared family income, which can help limit your expenses following divorce. you may also seek out opportunities that could increase your income without a lot of time commitment (i.e. selling crafts, dog-walking, house cleaning, etc.). With the proper legal representation during the divorce process, you can ensure that every financial aspect of your case will be carefully considered, and you can work to negotiate settlements that will protect your financial interests.

When Women Are Left Out of the Loop

In some cases, women may face disadvantages due to not being involved in managing family finances. When husbands are primarily responsible for managing income, debts, and assets, wives may be unaware of the amount of income that is being earned, the expenses that are being paid, and the value of different types of property.

Husbands may have more involvement in managing retirement accounts and other assets that may be easy to hide during the divorce process. This lack of knowledge can put women at a financial disadvantage as they work to address the division of marital property and other issues.

Thankfully, these issues can be mitigated with the help of an experienced divorce lawyer. A lawyer can help you gain a full understanding of the extent of your marital assets, and if necessary, they can work with financial experts to discover any hidden assets and find the information needed to obtain a clear picture of your family’s financial situation. By fully considering all issues related to your property and finances, you can make the right decisions that will benefit you as you end your marriage.

Failure to Consider Issues Related to Financial Support and Property Ownership

Women may sometimes struggle financially after getting divorced due to a failure to fully understand how the decisions they have made will affect them in the future. In many cases, women will be able to have primary custody of the children they share with their spouses, and this will ensure that they will receive child support. If they earn a significantly lower income than their spouse or if they have been out of the workforce for an extended period of time while they were married, they may also receive spousal support (also known as spousal maintenance or alimony).

However, women may sometimes overestimate the amount of support they will receive, and these amounts may not be sufficient to fully meet the needs of themselves and their children. This can be especially true when a woman wishes to maintain ownership of the family home. The costs of home ownership can be significant, and they will include ongoing mortgage payments, property taxes, utilities, and maintenance.

Underestimating these expenses and relying on financial support from an ex-spouse that may not fully cover ongoing costs may lead to financial difficulties in the future.

Fortunately, you can avoid these issues by creating a workable post-divorce budget and finding affordable living arrangements that will allow ongoing expenses to be paid while also saving money and providing for the needs of you and your children.

Get Legal Help With Divorce-Related Financial Issues

The best thing that women can do to protect themselves financially during the divorce process is to secure representation from a qualified divorce lawyer. With the help of an attorney, you can make sure you fully understand your financial situation, and you can make decisions that will benefit you and your children as you move on to the next stage of your life.


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Money stuffed in a mattress

Where To Look For Hidden Assets During Divorce

Money stuffed in a mattress


If you are in the midst of the divorce process, you may be concerned about multiple types of financial issues. You will want to make sure you will be able to support yourself after you separate from your spouse, and you will also want to be sure you can receive a fair share of your marital property.

However, you may be worried that your ability to reach a fair divorce settlement will affect your spouse’s attempts to hide money or other assets.

This can be a significant concern for many mothers who are going through divorce. If you have been focused on childcare and other household responsibilities, you may not be as well-informed about your family’s finances as your spouse.

This can put you at a disadvantage, especially if you do not have all the information you need about your household income and expenses or the different types of assets you and your spouse own. If you are concerned that your spouse is attempting to hide assets, here are some tips on where you can look to uncover these issues:

Where to Look for Hidden Assets During Divorce

Tax Returns

Hiding income from the IRS can lead to serious penalties, including hefty fines or even prison time. Because of this, most people take care to properly report their income when filing their annual tax returns. Whether you and your spouse have filed taxes jointly or separately, you should be able to access the returns that were filed in the past.

By closely examining tax returns from the past five years, you can search for inconsistencies between the income that was reported to the IRS and the financial disclosures made by your spouse during the divorce process.

Checking Account Statements and Canceled Checks

You should be able to access information about any joint bank accounts you have with your spouse, and during the discovery process, you can obtain information about separately-owned accounts as well. By reviewing bank statements, you can determine how marital funds were used to make purchases, pay expenses, or transfer money to others.

Canceled checks can be very helpful, and they may show that your spouse made purchases that you were unaware of or attempted to transfer funds to friends or family members to avoid dividing them with you during the divorce process.

Savings Accounts

By reviewing statements for any accounts you and your spouse own together or separately, you can determine whether any unusual deposits or withdrawals were made. Large deposits may mean your spouse is concealing a source of income, such as dividends earned through ownership of stock. Unexplained withdrawals may be attempts to conceal assets that should be included in the property division process during your divorce.

Loan Documents

If your soon-to-be ex-spouse borrowed money from a mortgage company or bank, you can receive a copy of their loan application from the courthouse, as well as other documentation related to the loan. These documents will list all of the assets reported when applying for the loan.

The estimated values of these assets can give you a clear idea of what property should be divided during the divorce process, as well as the financial resources available to your spouse through any non-marital assets they own. All of this information can inform the decisions made during the asset division process.

The County Auditor

If your spouse has made any real estate purchases, the county auditor will have information related to any money that was taken from savings accounts and used to purchase real estate. You will be able to find any homes or land your spouse owns and ensure that the value of these assets will be properly considered when dividing your marital property.

Lifestyle Analysis

If you are uncertain about the extent of your family’s finances, you may want to consider the lifestyle of your soon-to-be ex-partner. Does their reported income match the type of clothing they wear, the car they drive, and the activities they participate in? If you believe their lifestyle is more lavish than their reported income could support, they may be hiding assets from you.

A forensic accountant may be able to help you analyze the information available to you and determine whether it matches up with the lifestyle of your spouse and your family. They can use the abovementioned methods and other techniques to uncover assets your spouse has attempted to conceal.

Get Legal Help Uncovering Hidden Assets

You may be able to work with accountants or other financial experts during the divorce process to uncover any hidden assets and gain a complete understanding of your family’s finances. However, your best resource is likely to be your attorney.

An experienced divorce lawyer can help you determine the best ways to search for hidden assets, and they can advocate on your behalf throughout the divorce process to make sure you will be able to reach a fair settlement. With the right attorney on your side, you can achieve an outcome to your case that will allow you to meet your financial needs in the coming years.

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Deal With Post-Divorce Conflict

6 Tips To Help Deal With Post-Divorce Conflict

Deal With Post-Divorce Conflict


If you are leaving a marriage that is full of conflict, that conflict will follow you into your post-divorce life. Divorce does not put an end to the crazy that went on during the marriage. You may no longer live in the same home but you can bet, if you were married to someone with anger management issues, you will continue to be the recipient of their anger after the divorce is final.

In some cases divorce can exacerbate the anger so for your sake it pays to have a plan for dealing with the conflict to come.

Even if you are lucky enough to have a civil relationship with your ex, there will be times when you don’t see eye to eye on issues such as child visitation, holiday schedules and such. Arming yourself with coping skills to use during periods of conflict is essential for those of you who have children and will be attempting to co-parent with your ex.

The following 6 tips can help you deal with post-divorce conflict that may arise

1. Try and respect your ex-spouse and his/her household. Find ways of being respectful rather than resentful. Do not personally criticize them, but don’t make excuses for their behavior either.

2. Live by the divorce agreement reached between the two of you or, handed down by a Judge that addressed financial arrangements such as child support, spousal support or division of property. Do not let your attitude towards it, after the fact; taint your relationship with your ex or your children. If you came to an agreement with your ex, live up to that agreement. If you have a court order, follow that order. No amount of anger over financial issues is worth contaminating your relationship with your ex or your children.

3. Hurt feelings from the past are the number one reason you and your ex engage in conflict with one another. Do your part by in keeping down conflict by letting go of the past and living in the present.

4. The two of you can make your children’s best interest common ground. If you are both focused on doing what is best for the children, there is less room for conflict. The bottom line, your children and their needs are more important than any anger either of you has toward the other.

5. Try seeing stressful situations from your ex’s perspective. Every situation will require some give and take and it is easier to give a little if you can view the situation from the other person’s point of view.

6. Always put your children’s needs before your own. You may not like your ex, may not want to be around him/her BUT your children love both parents and it fills their hearts to see each parent get along with the other. Parents who manage to put their children’s needs first during and after divorce help minimize the negative effects of their divorce on the children.

Effort on your part to build a new and productive relationship with your ex will help all involved in the healing process and move forward with their lives. If your effort is thwarted you should accept the reality of the situation…you do not have an ex that is interested in anything other than being angry.

Move on, cut ties, do not engage when your buttons are pushed and send him/her a clear and loud message…if you can’t behave reasonably, I will have nothing to do with you.

For your sake and the sake of your children though, you must put forth the effort to “get along.”

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woman in jeans holing out her empty pocket

How To Keep Financial Issues From Leading To Divorce

woman in jeans holing out her empty pocket


So, it didn’t work out the way you thought it would… you skipped the prenup, and now you have a painful mess.

But take heart, the re-marriage rate is about 50%, so here are some great tips to prevent money from being the AXE next time.

Why less money doesn’t have to mean more problems

We have been living in a financially inflated economy for over seven years. Though in some areas, there has been a significant uptick, some of that stress has seeped into our relationships, and that has led to a rise in divorces.

70% of married couples fight about money, which is more than they fight about household chores, kids, and who left the seat up.

Ironically, for some couples, these fights are actually a great chance to address some larger issues that they are facing.

Here are 8 actions that will keep financial issues from leading to divorce:

Accept that you have an issue.

Acknowledge with your partner that there is financial tension in your marriage and make a date to sit down together to discuss it. Make sure you have total privacy; don’t involve your kids, turn your cell phones off, and don’t have any other distractions.

Get organized.

Each of you should list your concerns, pet peeves, and things you’ve always wanted to say but were afraid to bring up. If you think your partner makes poor money decisions (or has unreasonable expectations of how you should spend money), this is the time to discuss it.

Be vulnerable

Nothing builds emotional intimacy better than you and your partner admitting your fears, where you ache, and what conflicts you struggle with.

Know what you want

At the end of the sharing, make a list of goals. They can be things like building a savings account together, agreeing to discuss all purchases over $300, or even taking a temporary position until you find a great full-time job.

Have fun

You married each other because you liked each other. Make a list of things to do together without the kids that are more fun than expensive. Focusing on each other is the best investment in your relationship.

Keep three accounts: “mine,” “yours,” and “ours”

Decide together how much should be contributed to each account. How much each of you brings home is fairly predictable, so you can create a budget and keep your commitments to each other. This will help build respect and trust between you.

Stay on top of the problem

If you struggle to pay off a debt, have a weekly update to stay accountable. This chat will keep you on track with your payments and ensure that important expenses, like your life insurance premium, don’t get ignored.

Build an emergency fund

This fund will keep the panic away when unexpected expenses happen — the dishwasher goes on the fritz, the transmission in your car needs to be replaced, your dog needs surgery, etc.

Make space for this in your budget, even if it’s a small contribution; the consistency of doing so builds self-trust and not panic when the bill arrives.

At the end of the day, you can manage the money issues in your relationship; you just need to be frank (without pointing fingers), committed, and mature. You chose to marry your partner for a whole range of reasons, but sometimes the road gets challenging.

But never fear; sharing the difficulty will make your relationship stronger.

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Lesser-Known Financial Risks for Couples Facing Divorce

Lesser-Known Financial Risks for Couples Facing Divorce

Divorce is difficult as it is, but it’s more important than ever before to look ahead to protect your own financial well-being.

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New Year, New Way to Budget After Divorce: 5 Steps

New Year, New Way to Budget After Divorce: 5 Steps

There is an old adage that if you fail to plan, you plan to fail.  Creating a budget helps you take control of your financial wellness, get a better grasp of your money, and learn how to manage your money better. 

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3 Financial Mistakes to Avoid When it Comes to the Cost of Divorce

3 Financial Mistakes to Avoid When it Comes to the Cost of Divorce

When a family goes through a divorce, they often become anxious over the costs associated with the process. This is understandable, given that they are going to have to maintain two households on the same incomes that previously supported one. Fortunately, there are some things all parties involved can do to keep their costs down […]

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6 Things You Should do if You Want a New Year’s Divorce

6 Things You Should do if You Want a New Year’s Divorce

Happy New Year! By the end of next week, I will probably have received at least half a dozen phone calls from prospective new clients eager to get a New Year’s divorce. It happens every year. In the past, I thought it was simply a matter of timing. Unhappy couples wanted to get through the […]

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No One Can Touch My Retirement For Child Support or Alimony, Right?

No One Can Touch My Retirement For Child Support or Alimony, Right?

Retirement funds are not all safe from being taken to satisfy child support or alimony/spousal support obligations.

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