Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be doomed because you’re getting divorced. How will you be spending it this year?
The post 7 Ideas for Spending Valentine’s Day Solo or With Others appeared first on Divorce Magazine.
Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be doomed because you’re getting divorced. How will you be spending it this year?
The post 7 Ideas for Spending Valentine’s Day Solo or With Others appeared first on Divorce Magazine.
What makes you feel joy? Go ahead and do it! Celebrate love—on Valentine’s Day and every day of the year! Feel the joy of love rush through you non-stop.
The post Do Not Waste Valentine’s Day Mourning Lost Love: Celebrate the Love In Your Life Now appeared first on Divorce Magazine.
What makes you feel joy? Go ahead and do it! Celebrate love – on Valentine’s Day and every day of the year! Feel the joy of love rush through you non-stop.
The post Don’t Waste Valentine’s Day Mourning Lost Love: Celebrate the Love in Your Life Now! appeared first on Divorce Magazine.
Some of you may be excited about it, some of you are prepared for couples to be showing off their love, hearts, and roses all around you, but don’t worry, you don’t have to be around that if you don’t want to. You can just stay home and watch some movies, eat some chocolate, eat some takeout – whatever you like – and learn how to celebrate this holiday on your own.
The lesson of the day: You don’t have to be in a relationship to celebrate Valentine’s Day.
1. The Notebook
We’ve all seen this one… And cried our hearts out! If you haven’t seen this movie, it is a great romantic comedy to get you through V-Day. Plus, Ryan Gosling is a beautiful, beautiful man, and spending two hours with that face will do you no harm, only good. ???? Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams star in this classic tale of two love birds and the journey of their lives.
One of the best Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan movies ever! Nothing is more romantic and pure than seeing these two on-screen together. This is a MUST-SEE for those who are interested in celebrating Valentine’s Day the right way! Warning: You will cry a lot.
Can you see the correlation between Sleepless in Seattle and An Affair To Remember? Well, if you’ve watched Sleepless in Seattle you’ll know that it makes a lot of references and remarks to An Affair To Remember, another love story that you’ll find yourself loving every minute of as you drink your wine and remember that you are what’s important now, and love is waiting for you somewhere.
4. Love Stinks
French Stewart delivers a wonderful performance battling this demon-like hysteria of a woman, Chelsea (Bridgette Wilson). This movie basically focuses on their relationship and builds up to Valentine’s Day. With its humorous class and relatable content, you’ll get a kick out of this couple that will probably make you feel a lot better about your relationship status, and feel really bad for French Stewart’s character instead.
A wonderful movie that needs to be watched by everyone. Jim Carrey shows his true colors in this one, and Kate Winslet will win over your heart with her unique, eccentric vibe. The movie will make you appreciate things you never thought to appreciate before, and also, the soundtrack isn’t that bad either.
You knew this one was coming, mainly because it’s probably one of those movies you’ve seen a dozen times, not even anywhere near Valentine’s Day. And that’s fine because this film is appropriate for all occasions. I fell in love with Billy Crystal the first time I watched this movie and loved Meg Ryan even more. I definitely recommend it.
7. Garden State
Garden State is a unique indie film, that most WILL like. Starring Natalie Portman and Zach Braff, it does have a way of pulling you in and not letting you go until the credits roll. Mainly because you just want to know where this interesting story is headed. Right from the start their chemistry is perfect, compelling, and before you know it you’re popping some popcorn and gazing into the tv in a dream-like state, eventually inspired and full of so many questions and desires.
Another wonderful classic by Nora Ephron. Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks star in this classic piece as two New Yorkers who are “at war” and don’t know that they are actually pen pals on the internet. AOL and their true identities are the only things between them. Watch this movie if you want to laugh, cry tears of joy, and reminisce about your old AOL account.
When Bill Murray’s in it, there’s a good chance it’s gonna be a good movie. The same goes with Scarlett Johansson. Let’s just say, this movie will make you want to go to Japan and live out a week of the unknown with Bill Murray, oh excuse me, I mean, Bob Harris.
In a nutshell, this movie will leave you breathless.
By now, you’ve realized that I have a huge thing for Tom Hanks, and that thing will never die. This is a classic movie from the eighties starring Daryl Hannah, Eugene Levy, John Candy, and of course, the magnificent Tom Hanks. It’s about a man who was once saved from drowning by a mermaid, who ends up falling in love with her 20 years later. It’s a really good flick to get your mind off things!
11. Return to Me
Now this movie will bring on some serious emotions. Relationships can be beautiful, and it’s no easy task to let go of someone you love, whether it be through choice or destiny. Return to Me is a very good movie, in my opinion. My mom told me about it a few years ago, and man, am I glad I watched it.
12. The One I Love
Mark Duplass and Elizabeth Moss star in this intense psychological thriller about relationships and what kind of partner people really want instead. It’s a great movie, and yes, I mentioned “psychological thriller”, but there’s no blood, guts, scary guns, it’s just got some twisty-turny plot twists that will BLOW YOU AWAY! This movie will make you think long and hard about what kind of person you’d want to build a relationship with, instead of just settling for. It’s a must-see for those who are in the mood for gasping.
13. Just Married
It’s still hard to believe that Brittany Murphy is no longer with us, but I enjoy keeping her memory alive by watching this movie, as well as King of the Hill, but that’s a topic for another day. Ashton Kutcher and Brittany Murphy play a couple who are just trying to enjoy their honeymoon in Italy while getting more than they bargained for in this hilarious, romantic comedy. It’s full of non-stop laughs and cute moments that will fill you with excitement, hope, and certainly entertain you.
14. It’s Complicated
Meryl Streep is so adorable in this movie, and so is Steve Martin, and I just can’t help myself when it comes to Alec Baldwin. He’s funny to me. This film has a very appealing cast, it’s full of big laughs and a lot of relatable issues we all have dealt with or may eventually deal with in the future, either way, this is a classic, and if you’re a Meryl Streep fan, do yourself a favor and give this movie a try!
Remember that you don’t have to celebrate this day alone; if you want to, if you can, you can celebrate with your family or friends. If you prefer alone time, you will have a blast, going through this list! Hope all is well!
The post 14 Movies You Should Binge-Watch On Valentine’s Day appeared first on Divorced Moms.
For some people, the transition between divorce and single life appears daunting — a bridge too far — especially during holidays that emphasize love and closeness. While the Yuletide season has now passed (one of the worst times for newly divorced individuals), Valentine’s Day is quick on the heels of that stressful and often sad time of year.
According to David J. Glass, Certified Family Law Specialist and former therapist (he holds a Ph.D. in Psychology as well as a J.D.) and author of the book, Moving On: Redesigning Your Emotional, Financial and Social Life After Divorce, there is no need to dread the upcoming Valentine’s Day event. Glass says there are positive ways to feel loved and comforted when navigating feelings and despair on Valentine’s Day.
With that in mind, Glass has put together the following 10 tips for activities for those without a special someone on that romantic day that are fun, distracting and inspiring.
1. WHEN YOU FIRST WAKE UP, MEDITATE:
Meditation, especially in the morning, is a great way to set yourself up for a calmer and kinder day. For example, the first thing you could say to yourself: “Today is going to be a great day; a special day for me. I’m going to do things all day long that make me feel loved and nurtured.”
2. PLAN AHEAD TO GIVE OF YOURSELF:
In advance, arrange to spend just an hour or two at a local senior care center (read, chat, play board games…). Often, those folks are truly lonely and sequestered. You also can consider visiting an animal shelter. Take a dog or cat into the visiting arena for a bit. You will feel the love from that pet, and its appreciation of you. Who knows, you might even consider taking a pet home—adopting it.
3. GO ONLINE OR TO A MALL:
Buy yourself something special—an item that you’ve been wanting, like a cozy sweater, an Alexa type device; new flat screen, pair of kick-butt shoes. Whatever it is, tell yourself you deserve it and say thanks to you for being such a considerate gift-giving “Valentine.”
4. HIT THE GYM, DO SOME YOGA OR TAKE A RUN:
Whatever makes you feel fit and healthy; eating right, taking a nap, deep breathing exercises. Do what it is that makes you feel good about the way you take care of yourself.
5. SPLURGE ON LUNCH OR DINNER:
It doesn’t have to be a fancy restaurant; an expensive meal. You can indulge in a Big Mac or an exotic salad at any nutrition-conscious eatery, just make sure your meal is substantial, filling and tasty. Make it one you don’t usually have. It will satisfy your guilty pleasure and make you feel loved. Top it off with some chocolate or some coffee.
6. HEAD FOR THE SPA:
If you’re a regular, try something different. If you typically get a mani-pedi, get an hour-long facial. If you get a full-body massage, ask for a reflexology treatment. It doesn’t matter your gender when going to a salon or spa. Everyone feels good when they are gently touched and thoughtfully pampered.
7. MAKE A LIST:
In three columns write down ways you can move on emotionally, financially and socially. Get creative. If you’ve always called your mother when you’re feeling down, jot down another source to perk you up. If you earn and spend your money according to a static routine, change it up and for Valentine’s Day. Don’t let your concern for financial security influence your choices. Rearrange your budget to accommodate guilty pleasures.
Same with the items you now list on changing up your social life. Write down activities you can do that include others in the same situation. Yes, very often, misery does love and need company. Establishing new habits (like spending, social outings, and get-togethers) are wonderful ways to make you feel loved because you’re getting fired up to create a whole new lifestyle.
8. SPEND A FEW HOURS WITH THOSE WHO YOU KNOW LOVE YOU:
Rather than hide out or withdraw, reach out to your family and friends, including your children (stage a valentine card competition) and there’s no question you will feel love “emphasized” which you truly deserve.
9. SNEAK A HUG FROM A STRANGER:
It might sound crazy, but maybe today is the day you ask for a hug from the mail carrier, the person who hands you your dry cleaning items, the security guard at your place of work or your children’s school, or the guy who is replenishing the produce section in the grocery store. You can easily say, “Hey, it’s Valentine’s Day. Mind if steal a quick hug.” Most loving individuals will feel honored you asked. They need one, too. Although hugs are momentary, the residue can last the entire day!
10. BINGE-WATCH SOMETHING:
Sitting on or in your bed all Valentine’s Day watching one of the web series you missed, is another way to say, “I love you” to yourself. It’s one more special gift that illustrates that you do, in fact, love “thyself.”
The post 10 Distracting Things To Do On Valentine’s Day If You’re Unattached appeared first on Divorced Moms.
I don’t know about you, but my social media feed has been filled with people discussing how 2020 brings in a new decade. For me, 2020 will mark the 13th year since I filed for divorce in my first marriage.
So much has happened since that cold night in 2007. My first husband tossed me out into a snowbank, like a used tissue with just the clothes on my back.
If you’ve been following my blog at Divorce Mag, you’ve followed a lot of the journey, and if you’ve read my book you’ve followed much of the journey…intimately. I’ve been thinking for months about what message I want to share with you for the New Year’s themed blog.
Spending considerable time in reflection about how cliche so many of the themes around the new year become, an example being “new year, new you”…and as I said the new decade is increasing the triteness of these tropes in my mind. I’ve decided on a more personal note, from me to you.
Even before I found myself in that snowbank, I had a morning where I woke up and the world had completely changed for me. A moment where I realized I was completely alone with just the clothes on my back. Understandably, I felt traumatized by this and sucked into a vortex of grief, fear, anger, shame, and confusion. I believed the man who told me that I better get out of that marriage because the next escalation was going to be my murder.
It made sense to my spirit that he was right, but I didn’t know how to respond without anyone or anything. Although I heard his words and believed them, this only fed into my vortex, and now I was trying not to be bitter because I had done everything right according to the way I was raised.
You may not be experiencing that type of situation. As much as I believe divorce is like a birth, it is also life-shattering. Filing for divorce for me was like shattering a vase by throwing it off the shelf. The vase was my life, and at first it was terrifying because I couldn’t get all the pieces together correctly and in some cases, the pieces were so small they escaped pick up altogether.
However, I had complete freedom to re-arrange these pieces and I didn’t need to worry about the pieces I couldn’t pick up.
I only recently became aware of the Japanese art of Kintsugi. Kintsugi is the art of repairing broken pottery by sealing the cracks with gold. You can also seal your own cracks with gold when you design your post-divorce life.
2020 marks the beginning of a new decade. My wish for you is a decade where you experience healing and restoration. Do not let divorce destroy you or your light. Shine brightly. You have value, and sometimes divorce is a necessary course correction. Avoid being trapped in bitterness or the grief, anger, shame, fear vortex.
Even if you are completely alone as you read my words, you are never alone. I wrote this for you, and as you move through your process, you will meet others like us. Each divorce is different, but use the time to move through the grief and emerge as a new being. Get to know yourself again, and then use that knowledge to assert your identity in the world. Divorce sucks, it really does, but it is not a personal failing. Do not let it trap you.
This post originally appeared on DivorceMag.com
Here are five ideas to keep you sane in the new year while you deal with your recent divorce.
The post A New Year, a New You: 5 Tips and Tricks for Surviving 2020 appeared first on Divorce Magazine.
There are silver linings to divorce. As a matter of fact, for some, divorce is the icing on the cake of their lives.
In many cases, there are a range of reasons why divorce is good and many times when divorce is best.
And even if divorce left you heartbroken, there is still reason to be thankful, regardless of whether it was what you wanted or not.
And that’s why I’ve put together a list of reasons to not only celebrate divorce but, New Year’s Eve also. I hope to see you out and about!
1. Marriage may give you a sense of security but divorce gives you a new lease on life.
Staying in a bad marriage can provide security because at least you know how your life will go. But getting a divorce gives you hope ― the hope to be who you want to be, the hope to be happy and the hope to find someone else to love.
2. Being a single parent is better than modeling an unhealthy relationship.
If you’re a parent with young kids, getting a divorce is better than staying in a bad marriage because these are formative years for them. They will likely seek out and emulate the types of relationships they see modeled. I want my relationships to be happy, healthy and mutually respectful so that my children never settle for anything else in their own lives.
3. Divorce clears the way for you to meet the right partner.
Divorce is painful but it’s kind of like pulling off a Band-Aid: The anticipation is horrible but once it’s over, it’s pure relief. Bonus: It allows you the freedom to meet the person you were meant to be with!
4. You get to focus on you for once.
After divorce, you find yourself again and fall in love with the wonderful attributes that make you, you. As a mother especially, you can parent with just your own mama instincts and all your love and energy can flow into your little one(s). You find genuine peace and happiness and an appreciation for life that may have been sucked out of you during your bad marriage.
5. A happier parent is a better parent.
Learning to let go and step into the unknown may be the single most important thing you can do for your own sanity and the sanity of those around you. Divorce proves that you have the courage to live a life of happiness. And if you’re happier, you’ll be a far more effective parent.
6. You can devote your energy to other important areas of your life.
If you have done all the work of trying to make the marriage better and nothing is changing, finding the courage to leave and move forward pays off in the long run. The payoff? You stop putting all your energy into a relationship that no longer works and put more energy into yourself and your kids.
7. You lose a spouse but you gain happiness.
Divorce brought me happiness. Life is far too short to spend it immersed in an unhealthy relationship.
The post 7 Reasons to Celebrate Your Divorce AND New Year’s Eve! appeared first on Divorced Moms.
Whether you’re separated, currently going through a divorce or the ink on your divorce agreement has been dry for a while… the time between Christmas/Hanukkah and New Year’s Eve can be an extremely difficult time of the year!!
The holidays are physically and emotionally draining. We face so many stressful obligations…all masked by the magical sparkle of Joyful Celebration!
Celebrations where we most likely ate and drank too much and ended up getting very little rest!!
This all takes a tremendous toll on us.
Chances are we also got caught up in the whirlwind of shopping for special gifts, wrapping, cooking, baking, decorating, entertaining and even traveling… which inevitably resulted in our wallets being as depleted as our energy levels. And, the numbers on the bathroom scale rising right along with our stress levels.
Let’s face it, separation and divorce (all on their own) can have the very same unpleasant results like those mentioned above. Therefore, this time of the year can quickly become anything but Wonderful!!
So, unless you’re a fan of self-torture, now is the time to be extra kind to yourself. And turning to more alcohol or more food for comfort and joy will only make you feel worse in the long run.
Remember, it is most important to choose your methods of Post-Holiday-Self-Care WITH Care.
1. Take time for yourself.
After all the celebratory chaos, it’s time to slow everything down. Go for a walk in nature and turn your face up to the sun. Breathe deeply. Soak in a hot Epsom salt bath with some essential oils.
Sit quietly and just breathe.
TRY NOT TO “DO” – “WATCH” – “READ” or “LISTEN TO” – ANYTHING!
Create an environment free from noise or other distractions (even people). Just for a little while each day. Detox. This may sound silly, but if you can take some alone time to refresh and replenish for a short time each day, you will be amazed by the many benefits you’ll begin to notice.
It’s so important to regain our balance after being so depleted. When we’re fragile, negativity can take hold– But, once we strengthen our inner fortitude, we regain our resilience. Remember to continue taking some alone time each day in the new year!
2. If you’re sad cry if you’re angry punch a pillow.
Everybody seems to be a bit more emotional at this time of the year. And you have more than enough reasons to be feeling some pretty intense ups and downs. So, give yourself permission to feel your feelings. But also be smart!
Now that we realize we may be feeling extra sensitive during this time, try to do what makes you happy and avoid what makes you sad.
If watching those sappy Hallmark love stories makes you melancholy… don’t watch them.
If scrolling through Facebook and seeing everyone’s seemingly picture perfect life depresses you… take a break from FB. If it makes you happy to help others in need… take this time to volunteer at a soup kitchen or homeless shelter.
3. Have a plan.
New Year’s Eve is a difficult night for many people. Even people in happy marriages and good relationships. So, take the time to think about creative ways you can “celebrate” NYE in the most pleasant way possible. Whether you’ll be celebrating with your kids or they’ll be with their other parent, you have options.
Think outside the box!!
And remember there will always be another NYE next year. I’ve had my share of horrible NYEs and wonderful NYEs. So, if the best option you can come up with is going to bed early and sleeping through the ball drop… so be it. There’s always next year.
4. This too shall pass.
Even though separation and divorce suck, things will get better. I promise. February will follow January and winter will turn into spring. To everything, there is a season.
Life is full of challenges and victories. It is a circle of darkness into light. So, even though these may be particularly dark and difficult times, hang in there… because the sun will surely shine again, maybe more brightly than ever before.
5. You’re not alone.
Hopefully, it brings you a bit of comfort during these difficult times to know there are many of us who are here for you. Some of us are right alongside you in the deep, dark trenches of separation and divorce and some have finally crawled our way out. And we’ll reach out our hand to help pull you up and out as well.
Yes, the time between Christmas/Hanukkah and New Year’s Eve can be an extremely difficult time of the year… but it can also be a time for us to cultivate our inner strength, to grow and develop some positive coping skills. It also gives us the opportunity to focus on all the promising possibilities ahead in the new year.
The post 5 Tips To Get You Through New Year’s Eve After a Stressful Holiday Season appeared first on Divorced Moms.
As parents, whether, biological, step, foster or blended, we have a responsibility to ensure that the holidays, either faith-based or secular, are an uncomplicated and enjoyable experience for those children in our care.