Middle aged women with a smug look on her face

The Truth Behind Why Women File For Divorce More Often Than Men

Middle aged women with a smug look on her face


According to statistics, women file for divorce more often than men. This has been a consistent trend for decades, and it raises the question of why this is the case.

Why Women File for Divorce More Often Than Men

There are several possible explanations for this phenomenon, including changing gender roles, infidelity, financial independence, domestic violence, and communication issues.

Changing Gender Roles

One potential reason why women file for divorce more often than men is because of changing gender roles. In the past, women were expected to take on a more subservient role in the household, which often meant that they had less say in important decisions and were responsible for the majority of the housework and childcare.

However, as women have become more independent and have entered the workforce in greater numbers, they have come to expect a more equal partnership in their marriages. If their partners are not willing to share in the responsibilities of running a household or are dismissive of their opinions and needs, women may feel that divorce is the best option.


Infidelity is another potential factor in why women file for divorce more often than men. Research has shown that women are more likely to file for divorce due to infidelity, which may be because women place a greater value on emotional intimacy and connection in their relationships.

Infidelity can be a major betrayal for women, and it may be more difficult for them to forgive their husbands and move on from a partner’s infidelity. Additionally, women may be more likely to be aware of their partner’s infidelity due to their higher emotional intelligence and intuition.

Financial Independence

Financial independence may also be a factor in why women file for divorce more often than men. As women have gained greater economic power and the ability to support themselves financially, they may feel less dependent on their partners for financial security.

This can give them the freedom to leave a relationship that is not meeting their needs without fear of economic hardship. Women who are financially independent may also be more confident in their ability to navigate the divorce process and come out on the other side with their financial future intact.

Domestic Violence

Domestic violence is a serious issue that affects people of all genders, but women are more likely than men to experience it. If a woman is in an abusive relationship, she may feel that divorce is the only way to protect herself and her children.

Domestic violence can take many forms, including physical, emotional, and financial abuse, and it can have a devastating impact on a woman’s life. Women who are in abusive relationships may feel trapped and powerless, but divorce can be a way to regain control and start fresh.

Lack of Communication and Emotional Connection

Finally, communication issues may also contribute to why women file for divorce more often than men. Studies have shown that women tend to place a higher value on communication and emotional connection in their relationships than men do. If a woman feels that her partner is not meeting these needs, she may become frustrated and unhappy in the relationship.

Communication breakdowns can lead to a lack of trust and understanding, which can ultimately lead to divorce. Women who are in relationships where they feel that their partner is not willing to communicate or meet their emotional needs may feel that divorce is the only way to find a more fulfilling relationship.

In conclusion, there are several potential factors in why women file for divorce more often than men. These include changing gender roles, infidelity, financial independence, domestic violence, and communication issues.

While divorce is never an easy decision to make, it can be the best option for women who feel that their needs are not being met in their relationships. By understanding the reasons why women may be more likely to file for divorce, we can work to address these issues and create more equitable and fulfilling partnerships.

The post The Truth Behind Why Women File For Divorce More Often Than Men appeared first on Divorced Moms.


children are caught in the middle during divorce

What Happens When Children Are Caught in the Middle During Divorce?

children are caught in the middle during divorce


If you’ve been through a divorce or, you are thinking about divorce one of your main concerns will be how your divorce will impact your children. Study after study relates to the ways in which divorce negatively impacts children. It’s no wonder parents worry about their children’s welfare based on common information about the subject of children and divorce.

Divorce can negatively impact children but there are ways to keep that from happening. You should know that the impact your divorce will have on your children dependents mainly on how you and your spouse choose to treat each other during and after divorce and, how you choose to parent.

Children who witness conflict between their parents during and after divorce or, feel as if they have been put in the middle of that conflict are negatively impacted by divorce. If you want your divorce to do little harm to your children, it’s your job to keep down the conflict and keep them out of the middle of problems between you and your ex.

You may feel that conflict during divorce is unavoidable or the fault of the other parent, regardless of what you feel, it is imperative that you take the steps needed to keep your children from witnessing conflict and feeling stuck in the middle of two angry parents.

Below are 4 ways children are caught in the middle during divorce:

  1. When parents use their children as a messenger or a means of finding out information about the other parent’s home, dating life, and social activities.
  2. Negative comments about the other parent made by you, friends or family members.
  3. Sharing adult details about the problems between the parents. Details such as information about infidelity, legal divorce proceedings or the reason for the divorce.
  4. Garnering the child’s favor in an attempt to use the child to punish the other parent.
  5. Talking to the child about money issues. A late child support check, a lack of money needed to pay the rent…adult financial problems that children have no control over.

Divorce brings an end to your marriage, it doesn’t bring an end to your duties as a parent. One of those duties is to put a concerted effort into positively co-parenting with your child’s other parent. Below are a few suggestions that will help.

Choosing the parenting style that fits well for you and your ex will keep your child out of the middle:

Parallel Parenting After Divorce

If there is a lot of conflict between you and your ex, parallel parenting is appropriate. Why? Parallel parenting allows each parent to remain a part of the child’s life while reducing the need for contact with each other. When parallel parenting, there is very little communication which, in turn, keeps down the conflict and protects the child from being impacted in a negative manner.

When parallel parenting, parents:

  1. Communicate through email, a third party or an app like Family Wizard to stay informed about issues involving the children. Discussions are strictly about the children and no personal issues between the parents. Use of a phone to communicate is only done in cases of an emergency.
  2. Schedules such as visitation, vacations and holidays are strictly kept. There is no negotiating for different days and times to keep down the likelihood of conflicts arising.
  3. There is a set residency agreed upon or ordered by the courts. When the children are in the care of one or the other parent in their residence neither parent interferes with social activities, routines or anything that takes place in the other parent’s residence.
  4. Neither parent has any influence over the other parent and how that parent chooses to spend time with their children. If one parent has an issue with the way the other parent is choosing to parent in their residence, the court is used to settle the issue.
  5. Parenting is treated as a business arrangement. Common courtesy is shown at all times and agreements are honored because the sole purpose of parallel parenting is to do what is best for your children.
  6. When communication or negotiation is necessary, parents can choose to have a third party involved to witness and if needed mediate and conflict that arises.
  7. Child support payments are filtered through the court or a child support collection bureau to keep down any possibility of late payment or conflicts of over payments.

Cooperative Parenting After Divorce

Cooperative parenting works best when there is low conflict between parents and the parents are able to work together for the sake of the children. With cooperative parenting, there is more flexibility when it comes to visitation schedules and residency issues.

When cooperative parenting, parents:

  1. Parents form a friendly business relationship that revolves around the needs of their children. A courteous and polite relationship is one that will go a long way toward making sure children have what they need from each parent.
  2. Parents are able to talk, face-to-face about parenting issues as they arise. They are able to stick to the topic at hand without becoming distracted by old relationship issues.
  3. They don’t expect praise or emotional support from each other. They realize that part of their relationship has ended. But, they are able to show empathy and to support each other during difficult parenting issues.
  4. Keep all discussions about parenting, visitation, schedules and such to themselves and don’t involve the children. They come to a firm decision, as parents, before involving the children in their decisions.
  5. Are able to, at all times, put their children’s needs above their needs and feelings. Their relationship with the other parent is strictly about what is best for their children.
  6. Are able to communicate via phone or in person without engaging in conflict.
  7. Child support checks are mailed directly to the parent receiving the support. Due to their business like relationship, they both understand the importance of meeting their financial obligations to their children.

Whether parallel parenting or cooperative parenting, it is important to remember that one method is not better than the other. Each method will result in lower conflict and, as a result, better parenting. And, that is your goal as parents, better parenting and keeping your child out of the middle of your divorce issues.

The post What Happens When Children Are Caught in the Middle During Divorce? appeared first on Divorced Moms.


Confused man in gray turtleneck

Why Women File For Divorce More Often And Men Are Clueless

Confused man in gray turtleneck


I read a comment by a man in an article about women and divorce. You know,  some men don’t like women, they especially don’t like women who file for divorce. This was an Andrew Tate type man. I’m sure he is full of thoughts on the modern woman and has a longing for the good old days when women know their place.

Anyway, this man had it all figured out. He thought he did, anyway. For him, it was all about money. Men work themselves half to death but can never satisfy a selfish woman.

“So, if he works long hours to get the house the new car, and sends the kids to expensive schools because he is paying high property taxes. You are getting a divorce? And if he is not ambitious enough by killing himself to make more money to have a more luxurious lifestyle you are getting a divorce? So how come our grandparents were happy with the little they had but were happily married?”

I can tell, from reading that comment that he was the type of man who worked 6 days a week, 10 hours a day. He came home from work and sat in front of the television and waited for his wife to put dinner on the table.

After dinner, he plopped down in front of the television again while the wife got the kids bathed and ready for bed and then cleaned up the kitchen. This man is a knuckle-dragging neanderthal who believes that he did manly things like earn money and the wife did womanly things like run the household and raise the young’uns.

I can almost guarantee you also, that his wife worked too but since he made more money than her, her job was more of a hobby than an income-producing endeavor. She was tired, stressed, and overwhelmed and when she tried to share her feelings with him he tuned out. After all, life was good, so she really had nothing to complain about. She’d get over it.

Imagine his surprise and dismay when she filed for divorce and took her life into her own hands.

And then there was this comment…“If a victim or victim’s family member can forgive and even start a friendship with a rapist or murderer, there is always hope, there is always a chance of reconciliation. I know it is not easy, but it is POSSIBLE. Women are just less willing to practice forgiveness!”

This man thought that women should be willing to forgive men who did things that could be compared to rape and murder. “He beat you? Forgive him!” We all know who this man is, don’t we? He is a Christian man. In his eyes divorce is certainly not an act of faith and there is nothing more important to him than his FAITH. Certainly not his wife who, according to his biblical belief is inferior to him. He is a man, she is a woman! She is to stand by her man even if it is with bruises on her face.

Neither one of these men have an inkling as to why women leave a marriage. They have skewed opinions that keep them from having to take any responsibility and do any navel-gazing. They can keep on keeping on, making that next wife miserable cause it isn’t their problem.

But let’s talk about the reality behind that 73% of women who file for divorce and why they do it. And I want ya’ll to come back in a couple of weeks and read the comments left by men. This article will go right over their heads. And they can continue to take no responsibility for the state of their marriages.

8 Reasons Women File for Divorce More Than Men

Domestic Violence:

Domestic violence is a major reason why women file for divorce more than men. Women are more likely to experience physical and emotional abuse in their marriage and thus more likely to seek a way out.


Women are more likely to feel betrayed by their partner’s infidelity than men. This feeling of betrayal can lead to divorce.

Lack of Intimacy:

Women are more likely to feel neglected if their partner does not show enough interest in them or fails to provide the emotional support they need. This lack of connection can lead to a breakdown in the marriage.


Because of the educational and career trends noted above, women are more empowered to leave marriages that make them miserable. The shifts in educational and career status have liberated them. Women have become more independent and financially secure in their own right.  Regardless of the individual reasons that make them ultimately want to leave their marriage, empowerment is the reason they are able to leave.

Gender roles:

Gender roles also play a big part in men not leaving the marriage. Since women tend to do more shopping, cooking, and cleaning than men do, men have a greater lifestyle change if they leave the marriage. Men are not as motivated to leave the marriage even if they have strayed outside their marriage. This is partly about being able to “have their cake and eat it too” and partly because they are more complacent. They just won’t leave unless they are forced to.

Remember the movie, “When Harry Met Sally”? For part of the movie, Carrie Fisher’s character, Marie, is involved with a married man. In several scenes, she is talking to her girlfriends and feels that she is wasting her time. At one point, she tells her friend Sally (Meg Ryan), ”He just spent $120 on a new nightgown for his wife. He’s never going to leave her.” Sally tells her, “No one thinks he is ever going to leave her.” Marie says, ”You’re right, I know you’re right.” When Harry Met Sally Quotes

Financial Issues:

Women are often the ones responsible for handling the finances in a marriage, and so if the financial situation becomes difficult, it is more likely to be the woman who will take the lead on filing for divorce.

A woman is less likely to put up with a husband who doesn’t pull his weight, jumps from one job to the next, and leaves her feeling she is less than fanatically secure.


Women may be more likely to take action if they are feeling unhappy or unsatisfied in the marriage. Men often feel more pressure and are less concerned with their wife’s unhappiness. They have a “make it work” or stay in an unhappy marriage, whereas women may be more likely to take the initiative to seek a way out.

Women are often left with no other choice than divorce:

Men are notorious for leaving women and their children in a lurch. They abandon their families for the new flavor of the month or because they hit midlife and a crisis. They don’t have to bother with divorce because they know their wives will take care of that pesky task before she allows him to destroy them financially.

And there you have it, what women know, and men refuse to acknowledge.

The post Why Women File For Divorce More Often And Men Are Clueless appeared first on Divorced Moms.


10 Warning Signs You’re in a Relationship with a Narcissist: How to Spot the Red Flags 🚩

Are you concerned that you may be in a relationship with a narcissist? Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a condition that affects a small percentage of the population but can have significant consequences on the lives of those involved with them. In this article, we will discuss the ten warning signs that you may be in a relationship with a narcissist and how to spot the red flags.

Everything is always about them

One of the biggest warning signs that you may be in a relationship with a narcissist is that everything is always about them. Narcissists have an inflated sense of self-importance and believe that they are entitled to the spotlight. They may dominate conversations, make everything about themselves, and disregard the needs and feelings of others.


They lack empathy 

Narcissists lack empathy and have difficulty putting themselves in other people’s shoes. They may seem cold, callous, or indifferent to other people’s emotions or struggles. This can make it challenging to have a meaningful and fulfilling relationship with a narcissist.


They have a need for admiration 

Narcissists have an insatiable need for admiration and attention. They may crave constant validation, praise, and adoration from those around them. This can lead them to engage in attention-seeking behaviors, such as bragging or boasting about their accomplishments, to gain the admiration they seek.


They have a sense of entitlement 

Narcissists have a sense of entitlement and believe that they deserve special treatment, privileges, or rewards. They may believe that rules do not apply to them and that they should be exempt from consequences or responsibilities.


They are manipulative 

Narcissists are skilled at manipulating others to get what they want. They may use charm, flattery, or intimidation to influence or control those around them. They may also engage in gaslighting, a form of psychological manipulation that involves denying or distorting reality to make the other person doubt their own perceptions or memories.

They lack accountability 

Narcissists are not good at taking responsibility for their actions or admitting when they are wrong. They may blame others for their mistakes or shortcomings and refuse to accept criticism or feedback.


They have a grandiose sense of self 

Narcissists have a grandiose sense of self and believe that they are superior to others. They may exaggerate their achievements, talents, or abilities and make unrealistic claims about their importance or status.


They are jealous and envious 

Narcissists may experience intense jealousy and envy towards others who they perceive as a threat to their sense of superiority. They may belittle, criticize, or sabotage those who they perceive as competition.


They lack emotional regulation

Narcissists may struggle with emotional regulation and have difficulty managing their emotions. They may become easily angered, frustrated, or upset when things do not go their way or when they feel criticised or challenged.

They have a pattern of unhealthy relationships 

Finally, narcissists tend to have a pattern of unhealthy relationships. They may cycle through partners quickly, engage in infidelity or emotional affairs, or struggle to maintain long-term, fulfilling relationships.


What to do if you recognise these red flags


If you recognize these red flags in your relationship, it’s important to take action. Here are a few steps you can take to protect yourself and your well-being:

Educate yourself: Learn about narcissistic personality disorder and the behaviors associated with it. The more you understand about the condition, the better equipped you will be to identify and deal with narcissistic behavior.


Trust your instincts: If something feels off in your relationship, don’t ignore it. Your intuition is often right, and if you suspect that you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, it’s essential to take action.


Seek support: Reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist. Talking to someone about your concerns can help you process your emotions and gain perspective on your situation.


Set boundaries: It’s important to set clear boundaries with a narcissistic partner. This can include saying “no” when you’re uncomfortable, standing up for yourself, and setting limits on their behavior.


Plan for your safety: If you’re in a physically abusive relationship, make a plan for your safety. This can include seeking help from a domestic violence hotline, reaching out to a lawyer, or filing a restraining order.


Remember, you deserve to be in a healthy and loving relationship. Don’t be afraid to seek help and take action to protect yourself from narcissistic behavior.

If you are concerned about your relationship

Our therapists are specially trained in narcissistic abuse so will be able to help you gain clarity about your relationship and explore next steps with you

The post 10 Warning Signs You’re in a Relationship with a Narcissist: How to Spot the Red Flags 🚩 appeared first on The Nurturing Coach.


worried woman with hand on forehead

4 Early Divorce Mistakes and Why You Should Avoid Them

worried woman with hand on forehead


Marriage can be (and often is) a time of joy and love. Getting married usually means you have found “the person” you plan to spend the rest of your life with. However, it does not work out that way for everyone. According to the Daily Pioneer, 40 to 50% of marriages end in divorce.

This could be due to many different reasons, such as marrying at too young an age, episodes of infidelity or abuse, or simply falling out of love. Whatever the reason(s) a marriage fails, the decision to divorce is typically an emotionally difficult one, and jumping into the divorce process without being fully prepared for what is to come can lead to several critical and potentially costly mistakes which can be avoided with the right preparation.

This article addresses four early divorce mistakes

Mistake No. 1: Failing to confront indecision

Divorce is not generally a snap decision where you wake up one morning and decide to do it in an instant. For most people, the decision to divorce is a much more gradual process that begins with questions such as: Is this marriage working? Is there a way to make it better? Am I done? What would divorce be like? What would life after divorce be like? Is this what I want? This is what we call the period of indecision.

Yet many people hire a lawyer to file divorce papers without fully moving through the period of indecision, thinking they can start the process and continue mulling it over. However, filing divorce papers brings court-driven deadlines, pre-trial discovery requests from the opposing attorney, and mandatory court appearances, all of which your attorney will be required to respond to; and all of which will be costing money, lots of money, while the mulling over and indecision continues.

To be sure, filing for divorce is a commitment, not something to think over and second-guess once the wheels have been set in motion. Cases can be withdrawn of course, if both sides agree, but that’s after lots of unnecessary fees. The bottom line: Confront the period of indecision head-on. Get assistance from a professional such as a divorce counselor or other health professional if that will help. But believe that you will be best served by fully moving through the period of indecision before committing to the divorce process.

Mistake No. 2: Failing to get organized

There is significant value to getting organized before hitting the “start button” on the divorce process and failing to do so can be and usually is unnecessarily costly, both in terms of legal fees and in terms of the outcome. One of the most important and valuable things you can do for yourself is to prepare in advance.

That means not only getting emotionally ready but also getting your financial information and documents gathered and organized. When a couple gets married, state law provides certain rights and responsibilities–that’s the contract of marriage. When a couple gets divorced, the court system is set up to evaluate those rights and responsibilities as they relate to whatever assets are owned at the time of separation.

What did the couple accumulate during the marriage?  Are both spouses entitled to all of those assets or not? Will one spouse be obligated to support the other, and what will be fair? If there are children involved, what will the support obligation be, and for how long? If the financial picture is fuzzy, or if all assets are unknown or some are hidden, this process can become volatile, drawn out, and unnecessarily costly. Very costly.

It is also not uncommon for one spouse to be unaware of some or all the marital assets, as well as to have limited access to the information. This also translates into a drawn-out procedure to locate and value marital assets, all leading to unnecessary fees and costs.

The bottom line: Get organized in advance before starting any formal divorce process. Get help if you need it but having your financial house (documents and information) in order in advance generally saves many thousands of dollars in fees and usually translates to a better result in the end.

Mistake No. 3: Choosing the wrong divorce process

There are four main ways you can get a divorce starting with going to court. First, understand that going to trial to resolve disputed issues means handing all decisions over to a judge, rather than participating yourself in a mutually agreed resolution. Leaving it to a judge to decide what is best for your family is not something you want if you can avoid it. Judges are there to protect people when they need to be protected.

So, if there’s abuse in your marriage, whether it’s financial abuse, physical abuse, or emotional abuse, that can be an appropriate case to take to trial because the court can enter orders to protect you and your family.

However, if you’re arguing over accounts, vacation houses, and collectibles, then court is to be avoided if possible. A second way is for both spouses to hire attorneys or other professionals for themselves but to tell them you ultimately want to settle out of court. This way you let them do the heavy lifting, back and forth, and trading proposals, all while it’s settled out of court. The third way is mediation. This consists of you and your spouse and a neutral third party in a room (or virtually meeting with them). That person might be an attorney, they might be a mental health professional, or they might have a financial background, but their job is not to decide what’s going to happen. They’re helping the two of you reach a decision by providing information along the way and helping the couple reach a compromise.

Lastly, the fourth way is a “do it yourself process”. Some companies are now offering online divorces where they have the forms available, and you and your spouse can fill in what you want the court to do. This method is becoming more popular, which is understandable since the cost is a lot lower, the time frame can be much shorter and it’s empowering to do something on your own.

However, there’s a very narrow window for spouses to get an outcome that feels fair at the end of that process. Part of that is because divorce is very complex legally, financially, and emotionally. The idea that you could do it all on your own is probably not realistic for most people.

Mistake No. 4: Hiring the wrong help

Hiring the right help, whether it’s a therapist, a parenting expert, an attorney, a mediator, or whomever you decide is crucial to your divorce process. Having the right team to help to get you to the finish line can make the process much smoother. When you’re hiring an attorney, it’s not just where they went to school or how many years they’ve been in practice, or their fees that matter.

Consider: Are you comfortable talking to this person? Do you feel like they understand your goals? Are they really going to support your process in the best way possible? Or are you going to be locking horns with this person, fighting your own team the whole way?

Having a personality fit with your attorney is just as important, if not more important, than their credentials on paper. In conclusion, entering the divorce process can be a complex undertaking, filled with mixed emotions and high anxiety. Before pulling the trigger and starting the process, confront the period of indecision, get your financial ducks in a row by getting organized in advance, choose your professionals wisely, and pick the right process for your issues.

Avoiding these early mistakes will make your process easier, faster, and more cost-effective. Additionally, having a strong support system to be there with you every step of the way is important as you are not alone, and you will soon be able to start your new beginning.

The post 4 Early Divorce Mistakes and Why You Should Avoid Them appeared first on Divorced Moms.


Addressing Your Mental Health for the Sake of Your Relationship

Addressing Your Mental Health for the Sake of Your Relationship


There is perhaps nothing more important in this life than building strong, healthy relationships with the people we love. But in order to do that, you first need to build a strong, healthy relationship with yourself. For many of us, that means learning to practice self-care by prioritizing our own spiritual and mental well-being.

Addressing Your Mental Health

In fact, there is perhaps no greater gift that you can give to your spouse or partner than the gift of a healthier, happier, and more fulfilled you. This article examines the role of mental health in a relationship and discusses how your relationship can benefit when you put your mental health needs first.

A Difficult Triad

When we’re in the first blush of new love, it often feels as if everything in life has magically become perfect, as if every hurt has healed and every obstacle to happiness suddenly evaporated.

Eventually and inevitably, though, those heady days of infatuation pass and life settle into its old, familiar patterns. And for those who are faced with mental health challenges, the emergence or reemergence of symptoms in the aftermath of new love’s high can feel like a crushing defeat.

You may have thought that you would not have to experience depression, anxiety, or the residual effects of trauma again. You’ve found your person, the one who makes you feel safe and happy. What could possibly make you feel sad, worried, or afraid?

The reality, though, is that if you have a mental health condition, no person, and no relationship, will provide the cure. And that’s okay. In fact, it’s better than okay, because if you rely on someone else for your health and healing, that not only puts an untenable amount of pressure on them but it also leaves you in a woefully vulnerable, highly dependent position.

The good news, though, is that it is possible to cultivate a healthy relationship while also managing a mental health condition. The key is to neither hide nor deny your illness. Wishing won’t make it go away and shrouding it in a veil of silence will only create a destructive barrier between you and your partner.

Accepting and Integrating Your Illness Into Your Relationship

To be sure, addressing your mental health challenges is essential if you want to build a healthy and enduring relationship. The process begins, though, by learning to integrate your mental health care into your relationship. Your partner cannot begin to love you completely without knowing you wholly.

This requires you to be open about your mental health challenges. Communicate with your partner candidly. Listen to their concerns and share yours. Allow your partner to feel what they feel and give yourself the same right.

Maintain Perspective and Practice Kindness

Though it is essential to acknowledge and integrate your mental health needs in your relationship, that does not mean that your challenges must define you or your partnership. That is why it is imperative that you and your partner find the right balance to ensure that support does not mutate into codependency.

It is vital that you both remember that you are far more than your mental illness and that the bonds you share far exceed any diagnosis or disorder.

Maintaining such a perspective is also fundamental to cultivating respect and kindness in your relationship. Never allow yourself, or your partner, to fall into the trap of thinking that your condition is a burden or a deficiency in your relationship. It is simply another facet of your partnership, no better or worse than any other attribute that you and your partner bring to the table.

You wouldn’t stigmatize your partner for a heart condition or mobility impairment and so you shouldn’t be stigmatized for having depression, anxiety, or some other mental health issue.

Learn to Understand Triggers in Your Relationship

One of the most formidable challenges in managing a psychological disorder is in understanding its origins and its triggers. Many psychiatric conditions originate from childhood trauma. Even the experience of prolonged stress in the home, such as that relating to parental conflict or financial hardship, can manifest in mental illness in adulthood.

The problem, though, is that you may not even realize that you are experiencing the lingering effects of adverse childhood events (ACE) until something in your relationship triggers a harmful trauma response.

Indeed, unresolved trauma and poorly managed mental illness often take their most profound toll on personal relationships. The more attached you become to your romantic partner, the easier it is to fall into a cycle of panic and paranoia, particularly if pathological fear responses have been ingrained in you since childhood.

You may find yourself withdrawing from your partner or, conversely, clinging to them obsessively. You may become jealous and controlling, hypervigilant for signs of infidelity or the diminishment of their love. You may become hyperreactive to perceived slights or insults. You may catastrophize every disagreement as the harbinger of the inevitable end of your relationship.

Recognizing these emotional responses for what they are — the manifestation of trauma, depression, or an anxiety disorder — can help you and your partner learn to manage and respond to triggers in a healthier and more productive way.

It’s also important to remember that negative emotional reactions don’t always have to be related either to past trauma or present mental illness. Some physical conditions, as well as common pharmaceuticals, can contribute to mental distress. Chronic pain conditions, for instance, can often be linked to anxiety and depression.

Even for healthy individuals, popular prescription and over-the-counter drugs routinely impact mental health. Over-the-counter seasonal allergy medications, for example, can increase blood pressure and heart rate, leading to anxiety and agitation.

Likewise, many women experience significant, and even debilitating, side effects from oral contraception, side effects that range from chronic migraines and weight gain all the way to diagnosed mental illnesses. Protecting your mental health from these quality-of-life-compromising treatment complications may well require collaborating with your healthcare provider and your partner to find a birth control solution that works best for you.

Practicing Self-Care

When it comes to managing your mental health while also nurturing your relationship, practicing self-care is key both for you and your partner.

This means that both of you must schedule time away from one another, time for solitude and self-nurturing. After all, no matter how much you may love one another, you are still individuals with your own unique interests, goals, and pleasures.

Your partner, for instance, might be an avid hiker while you prefer the peaceful confines of a yoga studio. In other words, spending time in nature may well be how your partner finds the gratification that leads to happiness. For you, connecting with your senses and your body through gentle exercise and movement may be a principal source of gratification.

Rather than trying to meld the two, take time every week to pursue separately the things that calm your mind, nourish your soul, and revitalize your spirit. Not only will you both feel better, but when you come together again you will do so with renewed energy, zest, and joy.

Additionally, your and your partner’s self-care strategies should also include careful monitoring of your physical, spiritual, and mental status. Significant changes in the ability to focus, a sudden loss of motivation, or difficulty in regulating your emotions could all indicate that you or your partner are suffering from mental fatigue and that it’s time to prioritize self-care.

Boosting Mental Health Through Quality Time

As important as it is for you and your loved one to spend some time apart, nurturing your independence and relishing the activities that you love, it’s equally vital to enjoy quality time as a couple.

One of the best ways to do this is to get out and discover new hobbies and pastimes that you can enjoy together. Not only will sharing new experiences strengthen your bond as a couple, but it will also enable you both to benefit, physically, spiritually, and mentally, from a bit of recreation. You will be learning, engaging, and growing as individuals and as a couple, and there are few things more stimulating for the mind or enriching for the soul than that. So look for activities that speak to both of your interests. These could include:

  • Yoga/Meditation: Yoga and/or meditation are both great activities that require skill as well as patience. Centering yourselves together can feel freeing and gratifying at the same time. This is not necessarily the most ideal activity for particularly chatty couples, though cultivating moments of grateful silence between yourselves may be a good skill to learn!
  • Going on walks: Walks help clear the mind and get the blood pumping. They also can make for great conversational experiences, as the body and mind are simultaneously stimulated. Try walking to places in and around your immediate area that you’ve never been to before. New places, even if they are a short distance away, can feel fresh and adventurous.
  • Gardening: Tending to a garden with your partner can give you both a project to focus on and a retreat away from life’s stressors. Your garden can be as simple or complex as you’d like, and watching plants grow as a result of your labor may remind you what it means to nurture love together in a relationship.
  • Metal detecting: if your partner enjoys spending time in nature and you enjoy learning about history, why not take up a hobby like metal detecting? You will have the rare pleasure of spending quality time, learning about the world, and making new discoveries together. And, who knows, you may even dig up a buried treasure!
  • Swimming: If you’re really looking to up your physical activity, consider swimming with your partner. This can be particularly beneficial for your health, as no matter how hard you’re going — swimming laps or treading water leisurely — you’re still going to be engaged in stimulating physical activity.

You’ll notice that many if not all of the above activities can be done outdoors or in nature. Sunlight and fresh air are good for the body and soul — why not enjoy that together?

The Takeaway

Whether you have been diagnosed with a mental illness or you have experienced episodes of depression and anxiety in the past, the reality is that mental health challenges should never be ignored in a relationship. Attempting to do so isn’t just futile, it’s also detrimental to your partnership. However, when you take care to address mental health both as an individual and as a couple, both you and your relationship will be stronger, healthier, and happier than ever.

The post Addressing Your Mental Health for the Sake of Your Relationship appeared first on Divorced Moms.


gray haired woman in bed kicking her legs up

Love and Loss: How To Overcome a Gray Divorce

gray haired woman in bed kicking her legs up


The “gray divorce” phenomenon is getting more and more attention. Although there historically hasn’t been much conversation surrounding divorce involving couples over 50, it happens quite often. Now more than a quarter of all divorces in the U.S. are gray. The dialogue is starting to change as more people are open about their experiences with divorce later in life.

How to Overcome Gray Divorce

Gray divorce can be especially difficult when a couple has spent a long time together building a life. So much of who you are appears to be rooted in your marriage and shaped by the person to whom you are married. This can make moving on and starting over painful.

Luckily, divorcing after 50 doesn’t have to be a confusing, hurtful experience. Overcome a gray divorce and confidently start this new stage in your life by implementing the following tips.

Know That It Was the Right Decision

It’s challenging for many women over 50 going through a divorce to rebuild because they’ve yet to accept that it happened. They may also have a tough time admitting that a split is a right decision.

Instead of doubting the decision to get a divorce, have an honest conversation with yourself about why the divorce was necessary. Reflect on the signs you noticed in your relationship that it was time to move on.

For example, maybe you couldn’t rebuild trust after infidelity. Maybe your partner stopped mattering to you as much and you stopped involving them in important life decisions. Or perhaps you and your ex had divorce on your minds for a very long time.

These are all signs that ending the relationship was the right thing to do. Trust your reasons for getting a divorce and grow comfortable with the decision, regardless of who made it.

Embrace Your Authentic Self

When you accept that divorce was the right decision, start focusing on embracing your authentic self. It’s easy to lose yourself in a long-term relationship. But it’s essential to find yourself again if you want to thrive after divorce over 50.

Who are you, and what would it take to be your genuine self all the time? Answering these questions will get you started embracing all of who you are. You may find that making a few tweaks to your schedule and taking up new hobbies help reveal your authentic self.

Alternatively, you may need to do something big like moving to a new place that supports who you truly are. For example, let’s say you identify as a member of the LGBTQIA+ community. It may be worth it to move to a city accepting of LGBTQIA+ community members. There you may find a support system that welcomes you and offers resources and events to help you thrive.

Rediscover What Makes Life Meaningful

Women emerging from a divorce after 50 may find that nurturing their relationship and raising children was the most meaningful part of their life. While you should consider your children during a divorce, many children of gray divorcees have grown up and moved out of their childhood home. You need to create meaning in life post-divorce and post-children.

During this next stage in your life, you must rediscover what makes life purposeful for you. Consider changing your career, starting a business, returning to school, or traveling to ignite your excitement for life again.

Prioritize Your Holistic Health

Prioritizing your holistic health will also help you overcome a gray divorce. You put a lot into your marriage. Maybe you even put your health on the backburner. But now that your marriage is over at a later stage in life, prioritizing your overall health is critical.

Getting into the best physical shape of your life, strengthening your mind, and becoming more emotionally mature can help you better cope with the adverse effects of gray divorce.

Of course, you aren’t going to have the same energy you once did. Luckily, there are specific steps you can take to boost your energy once you’re over 50, including:

  • Fueling your body with nutritious food;
  • Getting in some physical activity every day;
  • Immersing yourself in nature;
  • Sleeping well each night;
  • Flexing your mind-muscle.

Taking care of your mental, physical, and emotional health will help you develop a better relationship with yourself, and that positivity will spill over into everything you do.

Don’t Rush Into Your Next Relationship

A huge part of caring for yourself is also opening your heart to romantic relationships. But it’s important not to rush into your next relationship after a gray divorce. The end of a marriage can leave you feeling incredibly lonely. And that loneliness can lead you to latch onto the next person who shows you a little attention.

It’s wise to resist this temptation. Instead, take your time with dating, sex, and relationships. You can absolutely enjoy time with someone or multiple people, but don’t feel like you have to take it any further than that. Set boundaries around pursuing romantic connections and ensure you’re moving at a comfortable pace.


Being in love and then losing it one day can be one of the most harrowing experiences you ever have — especially if you’ve been married to someone for a long time and are divorcing decades after you first met. But the tips above can help you overcome a gray divorce with the grace and confidence you need to move forward in life.

The post Love and Loss: How To Overcome a Gray Divorce appeared first on Divorced Moms.


Woman angry with cheating husband

How Not To Handle Infidelity

Woman angry with cheating husband


Let’s face it, nobody gets married with the end goal of eventually getting divorced.  We all think that we are in the percentage of marriages that are actually going to make it, and we don’t need to think about the possibility or eventuality of getting a divorce.

In my case, I never dreamed of the possibility of infidelity, so when I finally uncovered the long-term double life of my husband, I was totally unprepared for the gamut of emotions that flooded over me like a raging tsunami.  Because my husband was a pilot, as well as a military reservist, he was able to compartmentalize his life in such a way that I didn’t suspect his cheating activities. Sure, there were signs, but it’s only in hindsight that your vision is 20/20.

How NOT to Handle Infidelity

Now as I look back, and especially because I became a divorce mediator, I would change a lot of my assumptions, thinking, and behavior.  Of course, I was not the one who initiated the divorce, nor did I want it, even with all of the infidelity. But sadly, that was not my choice and at the end of the day, my marriage was one more statistic. It’s my hope that you can glean some wisdom from my high-conflict divorce on what NOT to do in your own infidelity induced divorce.

Don’t beg them to stay.

This can be really hard for people, especially if you are opposed to divorce on religious grounds or even opposed to divorce in general.  The hard reality is that if one person wants a divorce, it will happen sooner or later.  When one person wants out, and the other one doesn’t, the more the one being left begs the one leaving to change their mind, the more contempt the one leaving has for the one being left.

You see, in order to leave someone who loves you, especially in the case of infidelity, the person leaving has to make up a narrative that supports their actions.  They begin to re-write history in order to justify why leaving their spouse is right for everyone involved.  The more the spouse being left tries to reason with the leaving spouse, the more the leaving spouse longs to go.

The reason is not what they are dealing with at the moment, it’s fantasy.  They believe the myth that the grass is greener on the other side and that’s where they are going no matter the cost. They are gripped in limerence, unable to walk away from their new “soul mate.”

Here is my advice:


Like in the parable of the prodigal son, the only thing that impacts the person leaving is for them to “come to their senses” after they experience the fruit of their choices.  No amount of begging, reasoning, guilting, or shaming will do the trick.

After my husband told me he wanted a divorce, instead of begging him to do marriage counseling, I should have given him some brochures for local apartments and asked him when he wanted to move out.  I wish I had been able to operate from a position of strength rather than desperation.  Desperation feeds contempt, strength starves it.

Stop blaming yourself

This goes hand in hand with begging them to stay.  When one person wants out of a marriage against the will of the other person, more is at play than what meets the eye. I do a lot of mediation sessions, and divorces that are mutual have been processed and declared dead by both parties.  These are the easiest mediations to do; both parties are ready to attend to the business of separating their lives and for the most part, have begun to move past their emotions.

The people that are the hardest to mediate with are the ones who are having to do the business of the divorce but have not yet processed it.  In most of these cases, there is some kind of infidelity, betrayal, or mental illness that is motivating one party to divorce the other.  In these cases, the person being left behind is unable to comprehend the mind of the other person.  They get stuck in obsessive thinking, analyzing every word, gesture, and nuance.

Many times, the person being left receives a message of rejection and begins to obsess over their past history together and where things went wrong. Here is the truth:  Every marriage is marred; every person in a marriage is broken in some way.  But the partner who ups and leaves with no counseling and no communication is the one responsible for breaking the marriage.  As my sister says:  every marriage deserves a concerted effort at marriage counseling for at least six months. If you are unhappy in your marriage seek counseling; your marriage deserves it, and so do your children.

The person who recognizes their brokenness and seeks to keep the marriage together even at a significant cost to themselves is not to blame for the death of their marriage.

If possible, (and I know that this is so, so hard) try not to take their behavior personally.  That’s ridiculous I know because marriage and family are the most personal things in a person’s life. But what I mean is this: they aren’t leaving you; they are leaving the marriage.  For whatever reason, whether because of the affair fog they are in, or the addiction that grips them, they believe that changing their scenery is the answer to all their unhappiness.

One of the best things my pastor ever said to me was, “Paula, he would have left whatever woman he was married to.  This isn’t about you.”  Of course, I can see that now, and I desperately wish that I could have recognized that truth so much sooner.

Don’t throw your pearls before swine

This is a popular idiom that simply means: don’t give or share anything of value to people who won’t appreciate it.  And this includes your heart and your pain.  One of my biggest mistakes was expecting friends, acquaintances, and shockingly, my immediate family to comprehend and validate my outrage.  Unfortunately for me, I ran into several responses that actually wounded me even further.  My naïve expectations led me to believe that infidelity was uniformly condemned by the population at large.  But sadly, I was deeply disappointed and hurt by some of my close friends, family, and church leaders.  Here are some examples:

  • My own father responded with “you need to be gentle with him” when I told him of my husband’s three- year double life.  It was crushing to have a person that is supposed to be your defender actually take the side of your betrayer.  When my sons refused to accept their father’s infidelity, my husband emailed my father to see if my father could influence them.  I would never have known about this correspondence except that my sister told me about the request.  My father didn’t want to tell me himself, so as to keep himself in good graces with my husband.  It felt like a hideous betrayal all over again.
  • A friend of mine, who was divorced due to similar circumstances, asked me with heated intensity, “but what did you do to drive him to it?”  To say I was flabbergasted is an understatement; I was devastated by such an accusation.  After I discovered my husband’s affair on Halloween, I offered counseling and forgiveness in an attempt to keep my family together. For two months, I struggled to keep his betrayal to myself, trying to protect him from the consequences of his actions, hoping that if we were able to get past his infidelity, he wouldn’t have to endure the exposure of his choices.  Ultimately, right after Christmas, he chose his affair partner over his family and served me divorce papers at church during a staff meeting.  To have someone re-victimize me with the question, “What did you do to drive him to it?” was incomprehensible.
  • A church leader, after hearing about my husband’s double life and infidelity, glibly responded, “well now you have to forgive him.”  My divorce wasn’t anywhere near being finalized, I was six months post “bomb drop” and here was someone spouting the most Christianized, simplistic, ridiculous advice you could give to someone who has been wounded by years-long deception.  I was sick to my stomach after my conversation with him.  To think this was a response from a leader in the church, who was supposed to shepherd and protect the flock, was nauseating to me.

Ultimately, I have moved on from the pain, confusion, and grief of my husband’s infidelity.  It has left lasting scars on both me and my children, but I comfort myself with the knowledge that I can be a resource for other people going through what I went through.  Infidelity, like all life experiences, can leave you bitter or better, and I choose better.

The post How Not To Handle Infidelity appeared first on Divorced Moms.


woman sad after her husband cheats on her

10 Steps To Regaining Your Emotional Balance After Infidelity

woman sad after her husband cheats on her


The saddest thing about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies.


I’m not sure who said that but ain’t it the truth? Let’s face it, infidelity sucks. You almost never see it coming because it comes from someone you pledged your life and fidelity to while believing their fingers weren’t crossed as they pledged the same. It’s not really that the “Wife is always the last to know.” It’s really that she is the last to suspect because of trust!

Getting over a divorce is hard enough, but when a marriage ends with infidelity as the final act, it’s like a gut punch from the Incredible Hulk.

Here are 10 tips to help you bounce back after you’ve discovered your spouse is having an affair.

1. Leave. I’m going to take a hard stance on this one and say that there is nothing left to salvage after a third person has been brought into your marriage; whether it’s once or multiple times. Once that particular genie is out of the bottle you can’t put it back in and then it becomes the perpetual elephant in the room. Run!

2. Once you’ve left, bury the corpse. Don’t try to do a post-mortem because it will only bring up more pain. That means stop trying to figure out what led your spouse to have an affair. Only they can answer that question and it isn’t your circus anymore.

3. Understand that you didn’t cause it, you can’t control it and you can’t cure it. Stop taking ANY of the blame for your spouse’s affair. And while you’re at it, don’t take half the blame for all the bad things in your marriage that “led to their affair.” The marriage might have been bad and you may have contributed but the two events are exclusive. The only thing that led your spouse to an affair was your spouse. If you think you had any power over that, then by all means, whip out that magic wand and create world peace or stop world hunger, or both! You might as well put that magic to good use!

In case you’re having trouble with that concept try framing it this way: Let’s pretend that your spouse had a problem to face and stood under a tree of decisions. Let’s also pretend that the problem was that you were a terrible spouse. What were the options he/she could choose from the tree?

  • Have an adult discussion about all the things that were making them unhappy.
  • Suggest something useful like therapy
  • Procure a hasty divorce
  • Cheat

The first three are high up on the tree and require hard work with no guaranteed returns. Cheating is the lowest hanging fruit; often left to rot on the ground. It takes no effort. That is what they chose and that’s on them, not you!

4. Minimize or eliminate contact. If you have minor children, obviously you can’t go completely dark on your ex but you can employ two very useful tools:

  • Gray Rock-A tactic in which you treat your ex like a professional business person (e.g. a store clerk). You are pleasant; you exchange only factual information (Little Micky has a cold or I will be here to pick up the kids at designated time).
  • Scheduling software-Programs like Our Family Wizard in which you log in all the children’s upcoming school happenings; doctor appointments, etc. It also keeps a running log of communication that can be used in a court of law if necessary.

The bottom line is that there is a certain amount of disorder that goes hand in hand with cheating and limiting contact will help to clarify your view. It’s often impossible to see the forest through the trees until you get out of the forest.

5. Don’t skimp on the grieving. Even if your ex cheated and was the biggest jerk on the planet this is a loss and should be handled accordingly. Wallow for a bit with Netflix and ice-cream when necessary but deal with the feelings head on and don’t try to avoid them. Dating right away or the excessive use of alcohol fall into the avoidance category.

6. Just like Olivia Newton John commanded us to do in the 80s-Get Physical! Or in 21st century speak: “Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don’t shoot their (ex)-husbands!” Elle Woods would not object! In all seriousness, infidelity can bring about feelings of insecurity. Exercising to get some of those endorphins will also improve your appearance and hence your self-esteem.

7. Don’t leave the house, even to go to the grocery store, without trying to look your best. That doesn’t mean you need to dress in a ball gown and stilettos to run errands but put on a little lipstick, make sure your hair is nicely coiffed and save the sweatpants for the gym.

8. Set some new goals. Is there a new job that you’d like to go after? Maybe go back to school? Learn a new language or how to bartend? Choose something that you want to do and then figure out how to accomplish it.

9. Check out the internet for “Meetups.” It’s not a dating website but rather a site with groups of people with the same interests. They have hiking groups, single parent groups, pub crawl groups, sports loving groups, etc. It’s a great way to make new friends and get out of the house to do different activities.

10. Eventually, when you are ready, let go of the anger. Anger gets a bad rap but it can be useful; especially in the (immediate) aftermath of discovering an affair. Infidelity is stunning and paralyzes some people to inaction. Anger can help you snap right out of that state and into a good attorney’s office. Once you’ve done all that and the divorce is final, anger is no longer your friend. That’s when it’s time to let it go. It is very difficult to build a new life when you’re still angry about your old life.

Let’s face it: Our lives can change with every breath we take. And while this is certainly not the life I envisioned it is the one I have now so it’s my choice to make it the best possible. When you make that choice, that’s when you are sure to bounce back.

The post 10 Steps To Regaining Your Emotional Balance After Infidelity appeared first on Divorced Moms.


Black woman sitting alone amidst holiday light

It’s OK To Be Triggered During The Holiday Season

Black woman sitting alone amidst holiday light


The holidays can be tough. Period.  But nothing is harder than going through the holiday when you are in the middle of a divorce or separation.  It may be the first time you have to be away from your kids.  You might be in a different home or not doing the things that you normally do.

I remember the first Thanksgiving after my husband filed for divorce; my boys were with me because they refused to spend time with their dad, but my daughter who was only ten years old at the time, flew across the country to be with her dad and his affair partner for Thanksgiving.  It was one of the most excruciating times of my life.

During this time of my life, I still served as a pastor at my church and I was responsible for the big community Thanksgiving meal we hosted every year.  Every time I looked at the families enjoying their meal together, I felt like my heart was splitting into a thousand little pieces.  No longer would my husband and I sit with our kids as an intact family and celebrate the holidays.

Now it would be the agony of “shared custody” and “holiday parenting schedules” that would rule what used to be our favorite time of the year. I was devastated physically and emotionally.  That year, after I finished my duties at church, I went to a friend’s house and spent three hours in her bedroom uncontrollably weeping over my lost future.

Everywhere I looked that year, something reminded me of how my holidays would be forever changed.  I wasn’t part of my husband’s extended family anymore; they had unilaterally shunned me after my older sons aged 16 & 20 decided that they couldn’t support their father’s infidelity.  Gone were the days at the lake house, the family vacations with cousins and aunts, and uncles, along with 23 years of family traditions.

I went to work Christmas parties by myself, acutely aware of my new “single” status.  Friends were sympathetic, but unless they had experienced something similar, they were completely clueless about the tsunami of grief the holidays can trigger.

Trigger During The Holiday Season

As I moved through my divorce, different things would trigger me.  Not having been through this kind of trauma before, I didn’t know to expect to be triggered; I was just trying to survive on a day-to-day basis.  Looking back on my experience, I offer you a list of possible triggers to be aware of so as to help you navigate these rough waters.  It is not easy, but it is doable, and believe it or not, you will not be stuck in excruciating pain forever.

At first, the pain batters you endlessly as if you are a tiny lifeboat in the middle of a class five hurricane.  As time and healing do their job, the twenty-foot waves begin to get further and further apart, and then begin to not be quite so high.  Eventually, your triggers become more and more manageable, and you can even see and (maybe) prepare for them.

Here is my advice for handling your triggers during the holiday season.

 1. The first thing to do is to reach out to a group of people (preferably the same sex) who can help you weather this hurricane.  They need to be people who have experienced trauma before and who won’t try to hurry you through your recovery.  If you have spiritual roots, you may want to consider a Celebrate Recovery program.  I have found this to be very helpful in my recovery process.  Other possible groups include Divorce Care, church support groups, online support groups, or even supportive friends who understand what you are going through.

2. If you never saw the divorce coming and were completely blindsided, you may experience PTSD-like symptoms.  Along with depression and withdrawal, you may be hyper-vigilant and unable to cope with day-to-day activities or decisions. The sudden abandonment of divorce or attack by a spouse that you deeply love can trigger panic and disorientation as real as any physical threat.

See a doctor and get medication if needed.  Exercise, and meditate, but realize that your feelings are legitimate, and be gentle and understanding with yourself and others. Don’t be quick to judge or make assumptions. Don’t be ashamed to ask for assistance and admit when you cannot do it alone. Seek the help you need and know that it does get better.

3. Any kind of holiday or family tradition may trigger you, especially the first time you go through it after your separation or divorce.  That’s completely normal, and in fact, may take several years to subside.  The longer you were with your spouse, the more triggers you are likely to have, and the more you will have to move through.  But it is important that you do, so you can eventually move past them.

4. Obsessive thinking.  Many people going through intense pain of this kind try to make some sort of sense of it.  They replay conversations and scenarios over and over in their mind in an effort to understand why this happened.  They talk endlessly to their friends and family about it.  Again, this is normal, but after a while, obsessive thinking should and needs to begin to subside.  If you are having trouble with obsessive thoughts becoming uncontrollable, see a doctor or therapist to help you over this hump. Sometimes anxiety or depression medicine can help us cope.

The reality is that divorce is a type of death, and with death comes grief.  The more you loved, the more grief you can expect to feel. No one who is married either happily or unhappily wants this outcome. They loved this person. Hence, there are triggers that exact emotional revenge upon us. Even if we are happier than we were while married, we wouldn’t be human if we didn’t feel sadness for what once was.  Be gentle with yourself and others and know that this too will pass.

The post It’s OK To Be Triggered During The Holiday Season appeared first on Divorced Moms.