One Of the Most Important Lessons I’ve Learned in 30 Years

Our sense of self, especially in difficult relationships, is often a memory rather than a reflection of who we are today. In this short video I address this issue and offer some ways to clarity.



Understanding the Dark Triad Personality Types

Understanding the Dark Triad Personality Types



Have you ever encountered someone who seemed manipulative, constantly asking for favours, and leaving you with a gut feeling of being used? If so, you might have interacted with an individual exhibiting what is known as the Dark Triad Personality. In this comprehensive article, we will delve into the depths of the Dark Triad Personality traits, exploring the characteristics of narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy, as well as the impact they have on individuals and their relationships.


The Dark Triad Personality Traits


The Dark Triad Personality encompasses three negative personality traits: narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy. Let’s examine each trait individually to gain a deeper understanding:




Derived from the Greek mythology story of Narcissus, a hunter who fell in love with his reflection, narcissism is characterised by entitled self-importance. Individuals with narcissistic traits often display selfishness, arrogance, a lack of empathy, and a constant need for admiration. Behind their façade of superiority lies a deep sense of inadequacy.




Originating from Niccolo Machiavelli, a 16th-century politician and diplomat, Machiavellianism embodies manipulation, self-interest, lack of emotion, absence of morality, and deceit. Those with Machiavellian traits are highly skilled in manipulating others to achieve their goals, displaying a cynical view of the world.




Psychopathy refers to a personality trait associated with antisocial behaviour, manipulation, volatility, lack of empathy, and absence of remorse. Emotionally cold and impulsive, individuals with psychopathic traits are inclined to take significant risks without considering the consequences of their actions.


Each of these traits operates on a continuum, and individuals exhibiting a combination of these traits can undermine their colleagues and negatively impact others. They often mask their malevolent features with charisma and charm, making it difficult to discern their true nature.


Unveiling the Dark Triad


People with Dark Triad Personality traits possess a toxic combination of manipulative and exploitative tendencies, disregarding the well-being of others in their relentless pursuit of personal gain. They lack essential qualities for healthy social interactions, such as compassion, empathy, and a moral compass. Their augmented self-view and shameless self-benefit drive them to engage in rash and even criminal behaviour, without regard for the consequences on others.


Concealing Their True Nature


One might wonder if individuals with Dark Triad Personality traits can effortlessly conceal their malevolent tendencies. While some researchers consider narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy as distinct traits with overlapping characteristics, others propose an underlying personality construct that is yet to be fully understood.


When encountering someone with Dark Triad traits for the first time, it can be challenging to recognize their antagonistic attributes. These individuals excel at masking their true nature, captivating others with their charm and charisma. Initially, they may appear likeable and even raise their self-esteem, which is perceived as socially desirable.


However, over time, the facade crumbles, and their true colours emerge. As relationships deepen, people with Dark Triad traits struggle to maintain the perception others have of them. Eventually, they betray the trust of those close to them, exploiting their vulnerabilities and leaving a trail of emotional destruction in their wake.

Identifying the Dark Triad Personality


While identifying individuals with Dark Triad Personality traits can be challenging, certain behaviours and cues can act as red flags. Here are some key indicators to watch for:


  1. Constant thirst for fulfilment: Individuals with Dark Triad traits are perpetually driven to achieve their goals, regardless of the harm they cause to those around them. If you find yourself feeling emotionally, physically, or financially depleted after being close to someone with these traits, it is likely that you have been manipulated and used for their personal gain.


  1. Always being the victim: Individuals with Dark Triad traits excel in the cycle of abuse and gaslighting. They deny others’ authentic experiences, making them question their own reality. When confronted about their toxic behaviour, they often turn the tables and portray themselves as the victims.


  1. Unable to sustain long-term relationships: People with Dark Triad traits struggle to maintain long-lasting friendships, romantic relationships, or even professional connections. If you notice a pattern of failed relationships and a tendency to cut off significant people in their lives, it could be a sign of their dark traits.


  1. Lies and inconsistencies: Dark Triad individuals are skilled at manipulating facts and distorting their personal history to serve their own interests. However, over time, they may struggle to maintain their perfect image, leading to inconsistencies and contradictions in their stories.


It is important to note that identifying individuals with Dark Triad traits is not an exact science, and a proper evaluation by a mental health professional is necessary for an accurate diagnosis.


Being in a Relationship with an Individual who has the Dark Triad Personality


Being in any kind of relationship with an individual who has the Dark Triad Personality can be quite dangerous. Whether it’s a friend, coworker, business partner, family member, or romantic partner, these individuals are wired to exploit others without hesitation, causing harm along the way. While it is not impossible for someone with Dark Triad traits to change, the likelihood of this happening is minimal and often not worth the effort.


If you identify someone with Dark Triad traits, the best strategy is to distance yourself from them as much as possible. However, in situations where you cannot easily remove yourself from their presence, such as when they are family members or live in your household, seeking help from a counsellor or therapist is recommended.


Dark Triad Personality vs. Light Triad Personality


Since the emergence of the Dark Triad Personality, researchers have begun exploring the concept of the Light Triad Personality as its opposite. The Light Triad Personality encompasses traits such as humanism, faith in humanity, and Kantianism, which is based on the belief in an ultimate principle of morality.


While the Dark Triad Personality represents malevolent and exploitative attributes, the Light Triad Personality highlights the innate goodness in individuals and promotes treating others with respect and fairness.


In conclusion, the Dark Triad Personality traits of narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy can have a significant impact on individuals and their relationships. Recognizing the red flags and being aware of the characteristics associated with these traits can help protect oneself from the harm that can result from interactions with individuals displaying Dark Triad traits.


If you suspect that you or someone you know may be exhibiting these traits, I recommend speaking with one of our specialist counsellors who have years of experience of working with victims of these personality types.


I hope this information helps you gain a better understanding of the Dark Triad Personality traits and their impact on individuals and relationships.

If you would like to know more about the Dark Triad

Download our free ebook “The Dark Triad: The Manipulation Matrix”

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The post Understanding the Dark Triad Personality Types appeared first on The Nurturing Coach.


No Contact The Truth

Flying Monkeys – The Minions Narcissists Use To Do Their Bidding

Abuse by proxy (using other people to abuse us) is a such a common tactic of narcissists that most people in our community will know the term ‘Flying Monkeys’ – a phrase from the Wizard of Oz used to describe the narcissist’s minions.

I know first-hand the horror of not only having to deal with the heartbreak and terror of a narcissist and the things they are capable of doing, but also having to face other people hounding you and trying to bring you down. It’s devastating, unfair and terrifying, and life feels very precarious when you don’t know who will attack you next.

I wanted to curl up under a rock forever. Yet when I found the answer and freed myself from this, I was able to walk down the street, conduct my life and BE myself – with my head held high!

So in this week’s classic Thriver TV I explain how to completely eradicate Flying Monkeys from your life – just as myself and thousands of other Thrivers have done.



Video Transcript

Welcome to Thriver TV, where you learn not just how to survive narcissistic abuse but how to Thrive from it. If you have not yet subscribed to my YouTube channel, please do so, and I’d love for you to share my work with others who need it.

‘Flying monkeys’ is an expression that most people in narcissistic abuse communities know about. The expression comes from The Wizard of Oz, and we all know about those revolting little characters in that story, unleashed by the Wicked Witch of the West to carry out her orders.

As if it’s not bad enough that narcissists are malicious and nasty, we also find that they have an incredible ability to turn people against us to do their bidding. This can include people we know and people we don’t know, and it’s horrible beyond measure when the narcissist is able to rope in people whom we once upon a time believed we could trust.

In this episode, I’m going to explain to you how to completely eradicate the flying monkeys from your life, just as myself and thousands of other thrivers have done easily and powerfully.


How Flying Monkeys Affect Us

Understandably, the trauma created by people the narcissist has enlisted against us may be really extreme. We can feel devastated and paranoid – not knowing what has been said, or what people may do next to try to bring us down. It may be shocking to see how toxic and vehement people who have been turned against us can be towards us.

And from a human level, it’s totally understandable if you have an intense focus on these people and how horrible they are – but it is also WrongTown. In Quantum terms, it doesn’t work because the more it gets to you, the more they’re going to keep getting to you, truly.

There is an evolution necessity in this and that is the graduation into your True Self where you are no longer trying to combat other people, prove yourself, stop them, fight them, or make them think differently.

The people who have taken the side of the narcissist are no different from the narcissist. Meaning that when you come into your power and come inside of yourself to release and heal the trauma of what is happening to you, then the outer condition – which is the narcissist and their minions – can no longer exist.

You will ying and they will yang. You’ll be on a different vibrational frequency.

So let me share with you my story about the people that the narcissist set up against me.


My Experience With Flying Monkeys

I’m going to share in relation to an ex best friend. I originally introduced them to the narcissist – who then nabbed this person and turned them against me. I was mortified. This destroyed a relationship that had spanned decades before I’d even met the narcissist.

Of course, there were all sorts of other people in the narcissist camp dedicated to bringing down myself and my reputation. Many of them were brand new people who were the narcissist’s flavour of the month and naturally they were bedazzled by his charisma, his charm and his lies.

The thing that most people were told about me was that I was adulterous and I had affairs behind his back. That I destroyed our marriage and this poor man had hung in there through thick and thin trying to save it. There were people so angry with my terrible behavior that I was being attacked on social media by them, smeared to all and sundry.

I was mortified. I was devastated. I was incensed and felt intensely, unfairly victimised. I tried to lash back with the truth about him and what I believed had torn our marriage apart – namely his insane and violent jealous paranoia as well as, of course, the other general narcissistic craziness.

And the more I tried to fight back, the worse the attacks got. I was totally outnumbered. He’d also turned numerous colleagues, other friends and even family members against me, and the madder and more bent out of shape I got, the crazier and more guilty I seemed. Because of course, he stayed narcissistically cool, calm and collected within all of it.

I detested these people who were out to discredit me. I was so dirty on them. I was hurt and devastated as well as feeling lined up, cornered, attacked, and annihilated. Little did I know at the time how it was this fully activated and terrorised trauma inside me that was the magnet holding all of this in place.

Healing space and relief hadn’t entered me yet. I was still living in the illusion that life was happening to me and that my state and being was always in reaction to that. I still hadn’t graduated to the Quantum Knowing that life operates through me. I’m the generative force of my own experience and have the ability to take back my power over what is happening – including the flying monkeys.

What is happening to me can be transformed if I transform how I am being on the inside in relation to this topic.

When I finally woke up out of the trance and realized the truth of ‘so within, so without’, I got to work, using the Quanta Freedom Healings in my Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP). I started shifting out all my traumas: the injustice, the trauma, and the terror of what the narcissist had done to me. I also started working on the trauma generating the pain in relation to the people he’d enlisted into smearing me and attacking me.

When I did, as always happens when we release trauma, a greater knowing, wisdom and profound humility replaced my previous resentment.




The Truth About Flying Monkeys

I realised that narcissists have the ability to straight-faced lie and relay the most terrible things to individuals. The average person would never think that a grown adult could make up something like that and so they believe it must be true.

Narcissists also have the ability to act so graciously in their lies. They make out that they really care about the person they are denigrating. They wanted to support them and do the right thing by them, even though what that person did to them was so horrible.

Narcissists are experts in securing support and getting other people to believe that they are so nice, kind and giving that they totally don’t deserve to be treated like that. People are inspired to support them, back them and defend their causes for them.

Generally, these people are not bad people. We’ve seen them and judged them as flying monkeys – as being ugly, hideous, evil creatures with gnarling teeth and black hearts. Yet they aren’t. They’re actually people like you and me – people who’ve been hoodwinked, abused, manipulated and used as pawns.

If these people are close enough to the narcissist, they will often end up being the next on the narcissist’s snack list – pulled in, secured as narcissistic supply, then devalued and discarded like the rest of us. They too will then find minion lined up against them.

Truly, there are only two types of people: unconscious and conscious. Those who are awakening to know the truth of life from the inside out and are efforting to live life as their True Self; and those living a life driven by their still-existing internal traumas and trying to control life and others outside of them to get relief.

The narcissist game is a playground for unconsciousness because everybody involved hasn’t woken up yet. When we become conscious, we let go and pull away. We detach and then we come inside our own bodies to make it about releasing our own trauma. Then the narcissistic abuse trauma and all the narcissistic attacks dissolve.

If something in our life is still attached and hurting us, then we haven’t graduated yet. We haven’t learned what it is teaching us yet.

The people who do the narcissist’s bidding are the same: unconscious to the fact that they’re being manipulated and used.

We may even think these people are narcissists, but really, what would a narcissist have to gain by fighting somebody else’s battle? Why would he or she be bothered? A narcissist is much more interested in securing their own agendas rather than someone else’s.

And a narcissist has to be economical because their life is a vital balancing act between the energy they have to expend in getting narcissistic supply, and the amount of supply they get as pay-off. They simply do not waste time and energy if there is not a personal payoff because they can’t afford to.

Once I had shifted out the trauma from my being regarding the people enlisted against me, another wisdom entered to fill the space where that trauma had previously been. I profoundly realised I used to be a flying monkey myself. I’d believed the narcissist’s lies and I’d gone to bat against people to defend him, thinking that this poor, giving, loving, incredible man had been so hard done by and terribly treated.

I had defended him and attacked people on his behalf. And I realised that I was so passionate about this because of my still-existing wounds of injustice that used to cause me to try to sort out everybody else’s life. But at that point, I hadn’t had the courage to turn inwards and deal with my own inner traumas. I’d thought he was the perfect man for me, and my need to have him love me meant that I would’ve moved heaven and earth to try to prove my loyalty to him.

Did this make me evil? No. Did this mean I was broken, unconscious and needed to heal my inner being? Yes.

If there is one person here who believes that they are exempt from any of this, that you weren’t involved with a narcissist in order to wake up and heal your broken stuff, then by all means point fingers outwards and call people flying monkeys. But I can assure you that – just like calling the narcissist derogatory names – those sorts of names and expressions are a way to NOT wake up and to not take personal powerful responsibility and evolve.

We are all here to heal our wounds and return to Who We Really Are. Narcissists don’t choose to do that at this point of evolution – but the people they use and play with as flying monkeys may.


In Conclusion

I also want to share with you one of the biggest shifts I worked with, using NARP, regarding the flying monkeys.

I stopped hating them, labeling them, and feeling terrible about them. Instead, I released that trauma and I brought in seeing them as awakening into their truth of Who They Really Are – namely their inner beings bringing them back home to their freedom and their authenticity.

Not long after that profound shift within me, all attacks stopped. And today, some of these previous flying monkeys are now my most loving and loyal supporters. Via the Quantum Law of ‘so within, so without’, the narcissist was exposed to them, they saw the truth and they came to me and apologised profusely.

So this I urge you. Drop the expression, ‘flying monkeys’. It’s not serving you or anyone. Come inside and heal with the Narcissistic abuse Recovery Program instead.

I hope that’s helped and you can see the truth of what’s really going on here. I’d love you to comment below and let’s have a very honest and open conversation about this.

Until the next video, keep smiling, keep healing, and keep thriving because there’s nothing else to do. Lots of love.



Do Narcissists Know They’re Narcissistic?

0:00 Intro
0:30 Do Narcissists Know They’re Narcissistic?
1:07 Results of the Single Item Narcissism Scale (SINS)
2:00 Narcissistic Self-Views (Covert & Overt)
3:21 Meaning for Relationships

Do Narcissists Know They’re Narcissistic?

Are narcissists aware of their behavior traits? In this video, I share some answers about this and provide insight into what you might expect from the different types of narcissism in relationship settings.



Reclaim Your Radiance and Confidence After Abuse

After abuse, we feel unattractive. How could we not suffer this when the abuse assaulted us on multiple levels? You lose self-esteem, energy and the motivation to do the most basic survival tasks, let alone look after yourself.

For many of us, trying to be “attractive” was terrifying. What if that brought unwanted, abusive attention? Or maybe because of feeling lonely, replaced and abandoned, we hoped to “get back out there” and find someone who would love us. Yet these actions only brought more feelings of unworthiness.

After abuse and growing into my New and True Self, I wanted to be attractive but in a different way. A way that reflected loving and accepting myself and was all about nourishing myself into shape rather than punishing myself.

Plus, I didn’t want to have to spend hours on my well-being, health and attractiveness. Rather I wanted quick and powerful “less is best” practices, which meant my life was simplified, leaving time for all the juicy creation stuff of Thriving in life!

I had to confront and heal my pain and limiting beliefs which used to make “honing my attractiveness” self-damaging and had led to me being objectified by others – specifically narcissists.

In the last ten-plus years, I have seen women, after abuse, make incredible transformations from the inside out, where they go from feeling completely unattractive and unlovable to gorgeous and magnetic regardless of age, weight or body shape.

They draw attention and attract high vibrational people wherever they go – reflecting the well-being that is oozing out of them!

Maybe YOU are ready to rock this too!

I’m very excited to share some powerful tips and shifts with you today to help you access true Thriver Beauty from the inside out.


Reversing Toxic Health and Results with Food

After abuse, we are clogged up with trauma: the trauma of the abuse, plus the abuse we do to ourselves trying to survive the abuse. Our go-tos to numb out the pain may be junk food (or no food), sugar, alcohol, pills, cigarettes, toxic people, too much phone and screen time, and so on. Not only do we not receive the nutrition and oxygen in our cells for them to function healthily, but we may also look in the mirror and see extra pounds and wrinkles or saggy skin. Our hair could be falling out. We feel depressed, anxious and overwhelmed. Perhaps we have very poor sleep quality.

Even after Thriver Recovery, you may still not have the best of nutrition habits, or be unsure how certain tweaks are going to be life changing for you. You may have yet to experience how incredibly your body and appearance can respond when you start nourishing yourself with food in the right ways.

Did you know that the right nutrition is vital to create your New Self – the Self you are dedicated to becoming as the best possible version of you – the Self that Source / God / Creation intended you to be?

Toxicity and inflammation are the enemies. They block your spiritual, emotional and mental growth and physically inflame your brain, vital organs and nervous system. You can’t heal your way out of narcissistic abuse and spiritually progress upwards from a bad diet. It is vital to combine nutrition with the inner work.

Things like sugar, processed foods and too much alcohol are bad habits and cause widespread collateral damage. Whole foods and some specific foods help so much with reducing inflammation and starting to heal the damage.

Our bodies are incredible machines that know how to repair themselves if we grant them the right fuel. Healthy bodies lose and maintain a healthy weight. Learning to source and eat healthily grants you delicious meals that truly satiate you, and nourishing your body becomes a self-love ritual that deepens your connection to yourself.

How you treat yourself with food also becomes the template for your attraction of genuine, whole others.

Your Quantum Makeover Mantra Number 1 –

“As I release toxicity from within emotionally, spiritually and physically, the Light buried in my darkness will activate. I will heal, rise and claim the nourished version of myself who is attractive in wholesome ways.”



Moving Your Body Towards Ascension

We are spirits in a human flesh suit – a body – that optimally will carry us healthily and energetically through life, even as we age. Our body is a vessel that we can be proud of.

How I moved my body with exercise after abuse, and as I aged, has become transformational and inspirational. Before Thriver Recovery from narcissistic abuse, I was so sick and depressed that I couldn’t face exercising, or I would try to smash myself into shape with too much unsustainable exercise. You may relate to this “all or nothing” type of behaviour.

I was obsessed with weight and tried extreme dieting or exercise to control it. Now I know how to work in a kind, enjoyable and holistic way where my body no longer fights back, and responds by flowing into a healthy shape.

Many of us, because of stress and being menopausal, have insulin resistance and too much inflammation to lose weight, no matter how hard we try to diet and exercise. Much gentler exercise, done in the right way (less is often best), creates a much easier, healthier, nurturing path to body victory. For example, I could do “exercise” in the passenger seat of Alena Star Bus whilst we travelled around Australia!

Letting go of doing gruelling cardio granted me a body, mind, and intuition connection to assist my growth and spiritual ascension and shape my body more effectively with much less effort.

Tackling the painful patterns and beliefs holding you back from exercise success helps so much with your body goals! Without your trauma, you can finally create the perfect exercise routine for YOU – so enjoyable that you will look forward to performing it. Not only that, but the physical and psychological effects of your new routine can become a virtuous circle because seeing the change in how you look and feel will encourage you to keep going.

Your Quantum Makeover Mantra Number 2 –

“As I move in ways that I love, my body will love this, and I will love my body. I will feel and look flexible, strong and trim – naturally and healthily.”


Adorning Yourself to Feel Confident and Attractive

A large part of “attractiveness” is about presenting ourselves with hair, makeup and fashion. After being broken down by abuse, you lose a sense of yourself and may struggle to connect to expressing your appearance in the world.

Showing up authentically is all about the outside matching the inside – but what if you still need that inner standing? Without a solid sense of self, it’s hard, if not impossible, to have your own style – how to choose between clothes and cosmetics when you cannot be sure of your likes and dislikes?

Not only that, but, you may have painful programmed beliefs about taking care of yourself in this way. For example, women can believe it is vain, selfish and wasteful to wear make-up, get their nails done, or follow fashion. Or maybe you have a fear of being seen whilst adorning yourself. What if this brings too much or unwanted attention? On the other hand, you may believe you are only acceptable if you are perfectly presented and living up to the beauty standard of the day.

When you unpick and unravel these beliefs, then learn how to powerfully and expertly reverse them, you will experiment and find your style so that your outside can reflect who you are on the inside.

Imagine how it will be when you can show up in Life as even more of Who You Are, in full glowing radiance! It is so powerful to follow your heart into the look that makes your soul sing!

Sharing and discussing skincare tips, beauty tricks, and hairdo know-how is also so  much fun. I adore it when women support and celebrate each other’s beauty!

Your Quantum Makeover Mantra Number 3 –

“As I adorn myself with my own individual look and style, my inner power and beauty will be uniquely shared with the world.”



I truly hope that this article has granted you inspiration and hope, and that you are feeling inspired to create a New You after abuse.

Now, you have the perfect opportunity to make yourself your own dedicated masterpiece, emotionally, spiritually and physically from the inside out.

My brand new upcoming 4-week course, Quantum Makeover, is called “Quantum” because it is the inner piece of the process. It grants you the self-examination, awareness and healing shifts from the inside that will enable you to activate your desire and commitment to making the changes needed to get into the “makeover” part.

Which is going to be so much fun to share with you!

This Course kicks off next week, on Tuesday 30th May 2023!

Please don’t worry if you can’t make any of these four online classes Live, as you will receive all your program materials – recordings, healings and workbooks – to keep for life. And the Live group healings are just as effective in replay.

Are you ready to claim your New Look along with your New Life? Let me know in the comments below – I can’t wait to hear your thoughts!



Are Echoists Passive?

0:00 Intro
0:36 Review of Echoism
1:26 Passive Echoism
2:10 Active Echoism

Are Echoists Passive?

I was asked by a community member if echoists are passive. In this video, I share some information about two forms of echoism, both passive and active, and what they look like in relationships.



59 Ways To Disarm A Narcissist

Dealing with a narcissist can be a daunting task. Their self-centeredness, manipulation, and need for constant admiration can create toxic dynamics in relationships and cause emotional distress. However, there are strategies that can help in disarming a narcissist and managing their behavior effectively. In this blog post, we will uncover 59 lesser-known tips to disarm a narcissist. From understanding their psychology to setting boundaries, practicing self-care, and using assertive communication, these strategies can empower you to navigate the challenging terrain of dealing with a narcissist. So, let’s dive into these insights and learn how to protect yourself and maintain your sanity while dealing with a narcissist.

59 ways to disarm a narcissist


  1. Set clear boundaries: Narcissists tend to push boundaries and manipulate others for their own gain. Setting clear and firm boundaries is essential in disarming a narcissist.
  2. Use empathy: While narcissists lack empathy themselves, using empathy can be a powerful tool in disarming them. It allows you to connect with them on a human level and defuse their defensive mechanisms.
  3. Avoid engaging in power struggles: Narcissists thrive on power struggles and will often try to engage you in one. Refuse to participate and maintain your composure.
  4. Be assertive, not aggressive: Aggressive behaviour can trigger narcissistic rage, making the situation worse. Instead, be assertive in expressing your needs and feelings, without attacking or belittling the narcissist.
  5. Document interactions: Keep a record of interactions with the narcissist, including any manipulative behaviour or abusive incidents. This can serve as evidence and help you stay grounded in reality.
  6. Practice self-care: Dealing with a narcissist can be emotionally draining. Make sure to prioritise self-care and seek support from trusted friends, family, or a therapist.
  7. Avoid feeding their ego: Narcissists have an insatiable need for attention and validation. Avoid feeding their ego by refusing to shower them with excessive praise or admiration.
  8. Challenge their false beliefs: Narcissists often have inflated and unrealistic beliefs about themselves. Challenge their grandiose notions and encourage them to see reality more objectively.
  9. Recognize their vulnerabilities: Beneath their façade, narcissists are often deeply insecure. Recognize their vulnerabilities, but do not enable or pity them.
  10. Be prepared for their manipulations: Narcissists are skilled manipulators and may try to gaslight or distort reality. Be aware of their tactics and stay grounded in your own truth.
  11. Don’t take their behaviour personally: Narcissists’ behaviour is not about you; it’s about their own deep-seated insecurities. Don’t take their insults or criticisms personally.
  12. Set consequences for bad behaviour: Narcissists need to understand that their actions have consequences. Establish consequences for their bad behaviour and follow through with them.
  13. Limit contact if possible: If the narcissist is not someone you are required to interact with, consider limiting or cutting off contact to protect yourself from further harm.
  14. Don’t expect them to change: Narcissistic personality disorder is deeply ingrained and difficult to change. Don’t expect the narcissist to suddenly become self-aware or remorseful.
  15. Use the grey rock technique: The grey rock technique involves being unresponsive and emotionally neutral when dealing with a narcissist, depriving them of the attention they crave.
  16. Seek professional help: If you are in a relationship with a narcissist or struggling to cope with their behaviour, consider seeking therapy or counselling for support.
  17. Avoid falling into their trap of blame-shifting: Narcissists often try to shift blame onto others to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. Refuse to accept unwarranted blame and hold them accountable.
  18. Stay true to your values: Narcissists may try to manipulate you into compromising your values or beliefs. Stay true to yourself and hold onto your integrity.
  19. Use humour strategically: Humour can sometimes diffuse tension and disarm a narcissist, but use it strategically and avoid sarcasm or mockery, which can provoke their rage.
  20. Keep emotions in check: Narcissists feed off emotional reactions, so try to keep your emotions in check when dealing with them. Stay calm and composed.
  21. Recognize their need for control: Narcissists have a strong need for control and may try to manipulate or dominate others. Refuse to be controlled and assert your autonomy.
  22. Don’t apologise unnecessarily: Narcissists are known for their lack of accountability and may try to shift blame onto you. Avoid apologising for things that are not your fault or taking unnecessary blame.
  23. Don’t engage in circular arguments: Narcissists are notorious for circular arguments that go nowhere and only serve to frustrate and exhaust you. Avoid getting caught in these traps and disengage.
  24. Validate their emotions, not their behaviour: While it’s important to acknowledge their emotions, do not validate or condone their harmful behaviour. Make it clear that their behaviour is unacceptable.
  25. Use the “broken record” technique: The broken record technique involves calmly repeating your boundaries or statements without engaging in further arguments. This can help you stay focused and not get pulled into their manipulations.
  26. Practice self-compassion: Dealing with a narcissist can be emotionally taxing, so remember to practise self-compassion. Be kind to yourself and prioritise your well-being.
  27. Educate yourself about narcissism: Understanding the dynamics of narcissism can help you navigate the situation more effectively. Educate yourself about narcissistic personality disorder and its traits.
  28. Don’t expect them to validate your feelings: Narcissists often lack empathy and may not validate your emotions. Seek validation from other sources and do not rely on them for emotional support.
  29. Keep your expectations realistic: Narcissists are unlikely to change or suddenly become remorseful. Keep your expectations realistic and focus on protecting yourself rather than changing them.
  30. Be prepared for smear campaigns: If you stand up to a narcissist, be prepared for them to launch a smear campaign against you. Stay calm, maintain your integrity, and avoid engaging in their tactics.
  31. Recognise their need for admiration: Narcissists crave constant admiration and validation. Recognize this need, but do not feel responsible for fulfilling it or becoming their source of validation.
  32. Avoid getting pulled into their drama: Narcissists often create drama and chaos to gain attention and control. Avoid getting pulled into their drama and stay focused on your own well-being.
  33. Practise assertive communication: Assertive communication involves expressing your needs and feelings clearly and respectfully, without aggression or passivity. Practise assertive communication when dealing with a narcissist.
  34. Don’t let them project their insecurities onto you: Narcissists often project their own insecurities onto others, blaming them for their own flaws. Do not accept their projections and stay true to your own reality.
  35. Seek support from a therapist or counsellor: Dealing with a narcissist can be emotionally challenging, so seek support from a therapist or counsellor to help you process and cope with the situation.
  36. Avoid falling into their pity trap: Narcissists may try to gain sympathy and pity by playing the victim. Do not fall into their pity trap and remain grounded in reality.
  37. Keep important information confidential: Narcissists may try to extract information from you to use against you later. Keep important information confidential and do not disclose more than necessary.
  38. Stand up for yourself: Narcissists may try to intimidate or belittle you. Stand up for yourself and assert your boundaries assertively.
  39. Practice self-assertion: Self-assertion involves recognizing and advocating for your own needs and wants. Practice self-assertion when dealing with a narcissist.
  40. Limit your emotional investment: Narcissists are notorious for their emotional manipulation, so limit your emotional investment in the relationship. Protect yourself from their toxic behaviour.
  41. Avoid getting pulled into their pity party: Narcissists may try to garner sympathy by playing the victim or exaggerating their suffering. Avoid getting pulled into their pity party and remain objective.
  42. Don’t engage in their one-upmanship game: Narcissists may try to constantly one-up you or compare themselves to others to boost their ego. Avoid engaging in this game and refuse to participate in their need for superiority.
  43. Set clear and firm boundaries: Establish clear and firm boundaries with the narcissist to protect yourself from their manipulations. Be consistent in enforcing these boundaries.
  44. Practice self-care: Dealing with a narcissist can be draining, so prioritise self-care. Take care of your physical, mental, and emotional well-being.
  45. Avoid feeding their ego: Narcissists thrive on attention and admiration. Avoid feeding their ego by not constantly praising or validating them.
  46. Don’t try to change them: Narcissists are resistant to change and may not be open to feedback or criticism. Accept that you cannot change them and focus on managing your own reactions and emotions.
  47. Use assertive body language: Your body language can convey a lot. Use assertive body language, such as maintaining eye contact, standing tall, and speaking confidently, when dealing with a narcissist.
  48. Don’t engage in their blame game: Narcissists often blame others for their mistakes or shortcomings. Do not engage in their blame game and refuse to accept unwarranted blame.
  49. Keep your cool: Narcissists may try to provoke you or push your buttons to get a reaction. Practise emotional self-regulation and keep your cool in their presence.
  50. Recognize their manipulation tactics: Narcissists may use various manipulation tactics, such as gaslighting, guilt-tripping, or love-bombing. Recognize these tactics and do not fall for them.
  51. Hold them accountable: Hold the narcissist accountable for their actions and behaviours. Do not let them escape responsibility or make excuses for their harmful behaviour.
  52. Don’t try to compete with them: Narcissists often see life as a competition and may try to compete with you in various aspects. Avoid getting caught in this competition and focus on your own path.
  53. Keep evidence of their behaviour: If you need to confront a narcissist or seek legal action, keep evidence of their behaviour, such as emails, texts, or recordings, to support your case.
  54. Limit contact if possible: If the narcissist is not a close family member or someone you must interact with regularly, consider limiting or cutting off contact to protect yourself from their toxic behaviour.
  55. Avoid trying to rescue or fix them: It’s not your responsibility to rescue or fix a narcissist. Recognize that their issues are deep-rooted and beyond your control.
  56. Don’t fall for their charm: Narcissists can be charming and charismatic, but it’s often a façade. Do not fall for their charm and be wary of their manipulations.
  57. Keep conversations focused: When communicating with a narcissist, keep the conversations focused and avoid getting sidetracked by their deflections or diversions.
  58. Don’t take their insults personally: Narcissists may use insults or put-downs to belittle you. Do not take their insults personally and recognize that it’s a reflection of their insecurities.
  59. Use assertive “I” statements: When expressing your feelings or needs to a narcissist, use assertive “I” statements, such as “I feel” or “I need,” to avoid sounding accusatory and to assert your boundaries clearly.



How many can or do you use?

Note: It’s important to remember that dealing with a narcissist can be complex and challenging, and it’s always best to seek professional help and support if needed. These tips are not intended as a substitute for professional advice, but rather as general strategies to disarm.

The post 59 Ways To Disarm A Narcissist appeared first on The Nurturing Coach.


Understanding Narcissistic Personality Disorder: A Comprehensive Guide

Understanding Narcissistic Personality Disorder: A Comprehensive Guide



Welcome to our comprehensive guide on narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). In today’s selfie-obsessed and celebrity-driven culture, the term “narcissism” is often used to describe individuals who appear excessively vain or self-centred. However, in psychological terms, narcissism goes beyond self-love and encompasses a complex set of behaviours and attitudes. People with NPD are in love with an idealised, grandiose image of themselves, which allows them to avoid deep feelings of insecurity. This inflated self-image manifests in self-centred, arrogant thinking, a lack of empathy, and an excessive need for admiration. In this guide, we will delve into the signs, symptoms, and different types of narcissists, as well as provide practical tips for dealing with them.


Signs and Symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder


Grandiose Sense of Self-Importance

Grandiosity is the defining characteristic of narcissism. It goes beyond arrogance or vanity and involves an unrealistic sense of superiority. Narcissists believe they are unique and can only be understood by other special individuals. They consider themselves too good for anything average or ordinary, constantly seeking association with high-status people, places, and things. Furthermore, narcissists often exaggerate or fabricate their achievements and talents, emphasising their own greatness in every aspect of life, be it work, relationships, or family.


Living in a Fantasy World

To uphold their grandiose self-image, narcissists create a fantasy world built on distortion, self-deception, and magical thinking. They construct self-glorifying narratives of unlimited success, power, attractiveness, and ideal love. These fantasies serve as a shield against inner emptiness and shame. Narcissists ignore or rationalise away facts and opinions that contradict their fantasies, reacting defensively or even with rage when their bubble is threatened. This denial of reality makes it challenging to have constructive conversations with narcissists.


Constant Need for Praise and Admiration

A narcissist’s sense of superiority functions like a balloon that requires a constant stream of applause and recognition to remain inflated. Occasional compliments are insufficient for their insatiable ego. They depend on others to provide unwavering affirmation, surrounding themselves with individuals who are willing to cater to their obsessive craving for admiration. However, these relationships are one-sided, with the narcissist focusing solely on what the admirer can do for them. Any interruption or reduction in attention and praise is perceived as betrayal.


Sense of Entitlement

Narcissists expect preferential treatment due to their belief in their own exceptionalism. They genuinely think that whatever they desire, they should obtain effortlessly. They demand automatic compliance from the people around them, considering others as mere tools to fulfil their needs. They devalue those who fail to meet their expectations, viewing them as useless. Defying a narcissist’s will or requesting something in return can lead to aggression, outrage, or the cold shoulder.


Exploitation of Others

Narcissists lack empathy and the ability to identify with the feelings of others. They view people as objects meant to serve their needs, often taking advantage of others without guilt or shame. This exploitation can range from oblivious behaviour to intentional malice. Narcissists disregard the impact of their actions on others and remain largely unaffected even when confronted. Their primary concern revolves around satisfying their own needs and desires.


Demeaning and Intimidating Behaviour

Narcissists feel threatened by individuals who possess qualities they lack, especially those who exude confidence and popularity. They respond to these perceived threats with contempt, putting others down to neutralise the threat and elevate themselves. Demeaning, intimidating, and bullying behaviour becomes their defence mechanism. 


Check out our free video workshops for more information on Narcissism.


Envy of others

They may feel intense jealousy or envy towards people they perceive as more successful, attractive, or popular than themselves. This envy can lead to a sense of resentment or bitterness towards those individuals, and may cause them to engage in behaviours aimed at bringing those individuals down or sabotaging their success.


Different types of narcissists

There are different types of narcissists, but they all share a common trait of a grandiose sense of self-importance. Some types of narcissists include:

The overt narcissist: This type of narcissist is easy to spot because they’re loud, brash, and in-your-face. They’re often successful in business or politics, and they love to talk about their accomplishments.

The covert narcissist: This type of narcissist is more difficult to spot because they’re quiet, reserved, and seem humble. They often play the victim and use their “sensitivity” to manipulate others.

The communal narcissist: This type of narcissist is focused on being seen as a good person who helps others. They often work in the helping professions, such as nursing or social work.

The malignant narcissist: This type of narcissist is the most dangerous. They’re vindictive, cruel, and have no empathy for others. They’ll do whatever it takes to get what they want, even if it means hurting others.


Dealing with a narcissist: Coping strategies


Dealing with a narcissist can be challenging, but there are coping strategies that can help. Here are some ways to deal with a narcissist:


Set healthy boundaries


Narcissists have a tendency to try to control others. Setting healthy boundaries can help you protect yourself from their power plays.


Don’t take things personally


Narcissists are extremely sensitive and react badly to even the slightest criticisms, disagreements, or perceived slights, which they view as personal attacks. It’s essential not to take things personally when dealing with a narcissist.


Look for support and purpose elsewhere: It’s important to have a support system outside of the narcissist’s influence. Look for friends, family, or support groups that can help you cope with the narcissist’s behavior.


Don’t argue with a narcissist


When attacked, the natural instinct is to defend ourselves and engage in a heated argument. However, arguing with a narcissist is often an exercise in futility. They excel at twisting words, diverting blame, and manipulating the situation to make themselves look superior. Engaging in an argument only gives them more ammunition to belittle and demean you.


Instead, choose your battles wisely. Ask yourself if the argument is worth your time and energy. Is there a possibility of reaching a resolution? In most cases, it’s best to disengage and protect your own emotional well-being. Narcissists thrive on conflict, and refusing to engage can take away their power.


Seek support from trusted individuals


Dealing with a narcissist can be emotionally draining and overwhelming. It’s essential to surround yourself with a support system of trusted individuals who understand the dynamics of narcissistic behaviour. Seek out friends, family members, or support groups who can offer empathy, validation, and guidance.


Sharing your experiences with others who have faced similar challenges can provide a sense of relief and validation. It reminds you that you’re not alone and that your feelings and experiences are valid. Trusted individuals can also offer insights and strategies for coping with the narcissist’s behaviour effectively.


Prioritise self-care and well-being


When dealing with a narcissist, it’s crucial to prioritise your own well-being and practice self-care. Narcissists thrive on manipulating and exploiting others, draining them emotionally and mentally. To protect yourself, make self-care a priority.


Engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfilment. This might include hobbies, exercise, spending time with loved ones, or pursuing personal goals. Nurturing your own well-being helps you maintain your emotional resilience and strength in the face of narcissistic behaviour.


Additionally, set clear boundaries to protect your time, energy, and emotional space. Establish limits on how much interaction you have with the narcissist and what you’re willing to tolerate. Communicate these boundaries assertively and consistently enforce them. Remember, taking care of yourself is not selfish but necessary for your own mental and emotional health.


Seek professional help if needed


Dealing with a narcissist can be challenging, and in some cases, it may require professional intervention. If you find yourself struggling to cope with the effects of narcissistic behaviour or if your well-being is significantly impacted, seeking therapy or counselling can be beneficial.


Our counsellors are experienced in dealing with victims of narcissistic abuse and we can provide guidance, support, and coping strategies tailored to your specific situation. Therapy can help you gain insight into the dynamics of the relationship, develop healthy coping mechanisms, and rebuild your self-esteem.


Check out our full playlist on YouTube about narcissistic abuse



Navigating a relationship with a narcissist can be complex and emotionally draining. However, by understanding the traits and patterns of narcissistic behaviour, setting healthy boundaries, seeking support, prioritising self-care, and potentially seeking professional help, you can minimise the negative impact of the relationship and regain control of your life.

Remember, you deserve to be treated with respect, empathy, and kindness. By prioritising your well-being and surrounding yourself with positive influences, you can build a fulfilling and balanced life free from the toxic effects of narcissism.



*Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and should not be considered a substitute for professional advice. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger or experiencing a crisis, please contact your local emergency services or a mental health professional.*

If you need help dealing with a narcissist

If you are concerned that you or someone you know may have narcissistic personality disorder, it’s important to seek help from a qualified mental health professional. This may include a psychologist, psychiatrist, or a qualified and experienced counsellor who has experience working with victims of narcissistic relationship.

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  1. Question: How can I differentiate between someone who is confident and someone with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)?
    Answer: While confidence is a positive trait, narcissistic personality disorder involves an excessive and unrealistic sense of self-importance, lack of empathy, and a constant need for admiration. Look for signs of grandiosity, exploitation of others, and a pattern of demeaning behaviour to distinguish NPD from healthy confidence.

  2. Question: Can narcissistic personality disorder be cured or treated?
    Answer: Narcissistic personality disorder is a complex and challenging condition to treat. Most individuals with NPD do not seek treatment themselves, as they often lack insight into their own behaviors. However, therapy and counselling can help those affected by NPD, such as providing coping strategies, support, and tools for rebuilding self-esteem.

  3. Question: Is it possible for a narcissist to change their behaviour?
    Answer: While change is possible for some individuals with narcissistic personality disorder, it is typically difficult due to the deeply ingrained patterns of thinking and behavior. Genuine change often requires a strong desire for self-reflection, willingness to seek help, and long-term commitment to therapy. However, it is important to remember that change ultimately lies in the hands of the individual with NPD.

  4. Question: Can a narcissistic individual have healthy relationships?
    Answer: Building healthy relationships with a narcissistic individual can be extremely challenging. Their lack of empathy, constant need for admiration, and tendency to exploit others make it difficult for them to sustain mutually fulfilling relationships. It is essential to prioritize your own well-being and consider setting boundaries or seeking professional guidance when dealing with a narcissist.

  5. Question: Is narcissistic personality disorder considered a mental illness?
    Answer: Yes, narcissistic personality disorder is classified as a mental illness according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). It falls under the category of personality disorders, which are characterised by enduring patterns of behaviour, cognition, and inner experience that deviate from cultural expectations and cause distress or impairment.

The post Understanding Narcissistic Personality Disorder: A Comprehensive Guide appeared first on The Nurturing Coach.


Understanding the Arrogant Narcissist: Unmasking the True Nature of Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Understanding the Arrogant Narcissist: Unmasking the True Nature of Narcissistic Personality Disorder

At The Nurturing Coach, we strive to provide a comprehensive understanding of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).  Today we are focusing on the “Arrogant Narcissist” or what some experts refer to as the “Overt Narcissist.” Our aim is to offer a nuanced perspective, exploring the grandiosity, behaviour patterns, and relational challenges associated with this specific presentation of NPD.

Unveiling the Grandiosity

One prominent feature of the Arrogant Narcissist lies in their pronounced sense of grandiosity. Such individuals often find themselves preoccupied with vivid fantasies centred around personal attractiveness, power, wealth, and success. They harbour a deep-rooted belief in their own superiority and uniqueness, which permeates their thoughts, behaviours, and interactions with others. Their tendency toward boastful, pretentious, and self-centred behaviour becomes a defining characteristic, showcasing their need for constant validation and recognition.

The Elusive Pursuit of Relationships

In this variant of Narcissistic Personality Disorder, individuals frequently struggle to establish and maintain healthy, meaningful, and enduring relationships. Their primary view of others revolves around fulfilling their own needs and elevating their sense of self-importance. The pathologically narcissistic individual perceives those around them as mere tools to satisfy personal desires or bolster their self-worth. Regrettably, they often overlook the reciprocal needs of others, leading to subtle or overt exploitation and manipulation within relationships.

The Relentless Quest for Admiration

Admiration holds paramount significance for individuals with NPD, particularly those with an Arrogant Narcissistic presentation. They actively seek out situations and contexts that can gratify their need for admiration. They expect to be treated with unwavering respect, deference, and admiration by those around them. However, when their expectations are not met, they often react with surprise, hurt, or even rage. This hypersensitivity to perceived slights or lack of admiration further highlights their fragile self-esteem and their profound reliance on external validation.

Exploitation and Manipulation: A Distorted Perspective

The Arrogant Narcissist’s distorted perception of relationships is evident in their exploitative and manipulative tendencies. They view others solely as instruments to serve their own needs and rarely pause to consider the reciprocal needs of those they interact with. Whether through subtle passive-aggressive manoeuvres or overt displays of manipulation, they consistently prioritise their own agenda, often at the expense of others. This self-centred approach, combined with condescension, haughtiness, and a patronising demeanour, further reinforces their sense of superiority.

The Paradoxical Struggle with Envy and Worthlessness

Ironically, despite harbouring feelings of envy toward others, including jealousy towards their talents, accomplishments, and possessions, the Arrogant Narcissist frequently professes a belief that it is others who envy them. They react with suspicion and intense rage upon perceiving envy from others. This paradoxical dynamic highlights the internal struggle faced by these individuals. Behind their façade of grandiosity and arrogance lies an underlying sense of worthlessness, emptiness, meaninglessness, hollowness, and futility. These emotions, though often hidden, contribute to their fragile self-image and can manifest in various ways.

The Mask of Composure: Concealing Vulnerabilities

When faced with defeat, criticism, or contradiction, the Arrogant Narcissist experiences strong negative emotions. However, they often strive to appear composed and unaffected, seeking to maintain an image of invulnerability. They may dismiss and minimise criticism or retaliate with verbal attacks and vengeful actions. In more severe cases, they may succumb to episodes of depression, psychosomatic reactions, substance abuse, or even contemplate suicide. Behind their seemingly impenetrable facade lies a fragile ego, easily wounded by any perceived threats to their self-worth.

Contrasting Arrogant/Overt and Shy/Covert Narcissism

To gain a more comprehensive understanding of Narcissistic Personality Disorder, it is crucial to compare and contrast the Arrogant/Overt Narcissist with the Shy/Covert Narcissist. While the former exhibits an overt display of grandiosity, arrogance, and exploitative behaviour, the latter adopts a more introverted and covert approach. Exploring the nuances and distinctions between these presentations enables a deeper understanding of the broad spectrum of NPD and its multifaceted impact on individuals.

In conclusion, the Arrogant Narcissist represents a unique manifestation of Narcissistic Personality Disorder, characterised by grandiosity, exploitation, manipulation, and a relentless need for admiration.

Understanding the complexities of this presentation allows us to navigate the intricate dynamics of relationships involving individuals with NPD. By promoting awareness, empathy, and further research, we can facilitate a more compassionate and informed approach to supporting those affected by this challenging personality disorder.

Click [here] for a comparison chart outlining the features of the different types of Narcissism.


Ronningstam, E. (1999). Overcoming narcissist abuse: Narcissism, narcissistic personality disorder, & borderline personality disorder facts, information, support, coaching, and healing for survivors and victims. Psychology Today.

Wink, P. (1998). Narcissism and the dimensions of entitlement: A construct validation study. Journal of Personality Assessment, 71(1), 5-21.

Cooper, A. M. (1998). Further developments in the clinical diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder. In E. F. Ronningstam (Ed.), Disorders of narcissism: Diagnostic, clinical, and empirical implications (pp. 53-74). Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Press.


Note: The information provided in this article is for educational purposes only and should not be considered as a substitute for professional diagnosis or treatment. If you suspect that you or someone you know may be experiencing symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder or any other mental health condition, we recommend consulting with a qualified mental health professional for an accurate assessment and appropriate support.

If you think you are dealing with an arrogant narcissist

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  1. Question: What are the key characteristics that differentiate the Arrogant Narcissist from other types of narcissists?
    Answer: The Arrogant Narcissist, also known as the Overt Narcissist, displays a pronounced sense of grandiosity, a constant need for admiration, and a tendency to exploit and manipulate others. Their behavior is characterized by overt displays of superiority, while other narcissistic presentations may be more introverted or covert in nature.

  2. Question: Can individuals with Arrogant Narcissistic presentation form genuine and lasting relationships?
    Answer: Establishing and maintaining healthy relationships can be challenging for individuals with Arrogant Narcissistic presentation. Their self-centeredness and tendency to exploit others make it difficult for them to engage in reciprocal and meaningful connections. However, with self-awareness and therapy, some individuals may develop healthier relationship patterns over time.

  3. Question: How can one differentiate between genuine self-confidence and the grandiosity displayed by Arrogant Narcissists?
    Answer: Genuine self-confidence is based on realistic self-appraisal and a balanced sense of self-worth. In contrast, the grandiosity exhibited by Arrogant Narcissists is excessive and often disconnected from reality. They constantly seek external validation, disregard others’ needs, and display a sense of entitlement, setting them apart from individuals with healthy self-confidence.

  4. Question: Can Arrogant Narcissists experience feelings of worthlessness and emptiness?
    Answer: Despite their outward display of grandiosity, Arrogant Narcissists often struggle with underlying feelings of worthlessness, emptiness, and futility. These emotions contribute to their fragile self-image and may lead to paradoxical dynamics, such as envy towards others while believing that others envy them.

  5. Question: How can one approach relationships with Arrogant Narcissists while preserving their own well-being?
    Answer: Interacting with Arrogant Narcissists requires setting clear boundaries and prioritising self-care. It’s important to recognise that their behaviour stems from their own insecurities and not to take their actions personally. Seeking support from therapists or support groups can provide guidance on effective communication strategies and coping mechanisms.

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Identifying Narcissistic Behaviour: 10 Traits of a Narcissist

Identifying Narcissistic Behaviour: 10 Traits of a Narcissist

Welcome to our comprehensive guide on identifying narcissistic behaviour. In this article, we will delve into the ten key traits associated with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). By understanding these traits, you will gain valuable insights to help you recognize if someone in your life exhibits narcissistic tendencies. 




Narcissism, derived from the figure in ancient Greek mythology, has become a term commonly used to describe individuals who display specific personality traits associated with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Recognized as a psychological issue by the scientific community, NPD can have profound negative effects on the mental health and well-being of friends, family members, and coworkers. In this article, we will explore the ten most common signs of a narcissistic person, shedding light on their behaviour patterns and the impact they may have on those around them.


Monopoly on Conversation


One of the most obvious signs of a narcissist is their tendency to monopolise conversations. They frequently talk over or interrupt others, disregarding their views and experiences. This behaviour stems from their excessive need for praise, sense of entitlement, and lack of empathy. Narcissists prioritise their own narratives, often dismissing or giving superficial responses to what others contribute to the conversation. Their desire to be the centre of attention undermines the importance of ensuring others feel seen and heard.


Flaunting Rules or Social Conventions


A prominent characteristic of narcissistic behaviour is the inclination to flout rules and social conventions. Narcissists may seek special treatment or feel wronged when they cannot bypass established systems. Examples of this trait include violating traffic laws, stealing supplies at work, or cutting in line. Narcissists believe that rules apply to others, not to them, as they perceive themselves as special and entitled.


Fixation on Appearance


Many narcissists exhibit an obsessive preoccupation with their physical appearance. They may spend hours in front of the mirror, constantly adjusting and enhancing their looks. Additionally, narcissists tend to judge and belittle others based on their appearance, criticising clothing, body types, and facial features. Beyond physical looks, narcissists strive to create grand impressions, often inflating or fabricating stories to boost their self-esteem and self-importance.


Emphasis on Envy


Jealousy plays a significant role in narcissistic behaviour. While occasional envy is a common human emotion, narcissists can become consumed by feelings of jealousy. They may frequently discuss other people’s success or possessions in a negative light and strongly believe that others are envious of them. In the workplace, narcissists may downplay or steal credit for their colleagues’ work, driven by a sense of entitlement and a desire to undermine others’ accomplishments.


Disregard for Other People


Manipulation is a prevalent trait among narcissists. They exploit their relationships with friends or family members to further their own goals and boost their self-importance. These manipulative tendencies manifest in pronounced mood swings, fierce arguments, and a consistent need to assign blame to others. Due to their lack of empathy, narcissists struggle to acknowledge and understand the suffering of those around them.


Praise, Praise, and More Praise


Narcissists crave constant adoration and praise. They exhibit an exaggerated sense of self-importance and expect special treatment from others, even when unwarranted. By monopolising conversations and positioning themselves in a way that ensures they receive constant attention, narcissists ensure a steady stream of narcissistic supply. This relentless pursuit of praise is rooted in their deep-seated insecurity and fear of being unimportant. In the absence of regular compliments, they may resort to harmful tactics to obtain the validation 

Indeed, narcissists often seek constant validation and admiration from others, and they may go to great lengths to ensure they receive it. They have an exaggerated sense of self-importance and believe they deserve special treatment and adoration. Narcissists tend to position themselves as the centre of attention in conversations and social situations, monopolising the discussion to ensure they receive the attention they crave.

One of the primary motivations for narcissistic behaviour is the acquisition of narcissistic supply, which refers to the attention, praise, and admiration that fuel their fragile self-esteem. Narcissists thrive on the validation and adulation they receive from others, even if it is unwarranted or exaggerated. They rely on this external validation to maintain their grandiose self-perception and to counteract their deep-seated feelings of inadequacy and insecurity.

In their pursuit of narcissistic supply, narcissists may disregard the feelings or needs of others. They are often willing to manipulate or exploit others to obtain the attention and admiration they desire, regardless of the impact it may have on those around them. This self-centred approach can result in others feeling slighted, dismissed, or used by the narcissist.

Furthermore, narcissists have a tendency to demand praise and recognition, even when it is not warranted. They may exaggerate their achievements or fabricate stories to bolster their image and elicit admiration from others. The need for constant praise and special treatment is driven by their deep-seated insecurities and their desperate attempts to maintain their inflated self-image.

It is important to note that while narcissists may appear to be the “movie star” in social settings, their behaviour is often a mask for their underlying emotional vulnerabilities. Behind their grandiose facade, they may suffer from low self-esteem, fear of abandonment, and a lack of genuine connections with others. Understanding the dynamics of narcissistic behaviour can help individuals navigate relationships with narcissists more effectively while


Nothing is ever their fault


Another characteristic of narcissists is their tendency to blame others for any problems or difficulties they encounter. They have a strong aversion to taking responsibility for their actions or acknowledging their own shortcomings. Instead, narcissists often shift the blame onto others, refusing to accept any accountability for their behaviour.

Narcissists have a fragile ego that cannot tolerate criticism or negative feedback. Rather than reflecting on their actions and considering their own contribution to a situation, they instinctively deflect blame onto others as a defence mechanism. They may distort the facts, manipulate the narrative, or engage in gaslighting to manipulate others into believing that they are the ones at fault.


This pattern of blaming others serves multiple purposes for narcissists. Firstly, it helps them protect their fragile self-image by avoiding any acknowledgment of their own flaws or mistakes. Secondly, by placing the blame on others, they can maintain a sense of superiority and control over the situation. They may use tactics such as deflection, projection, or even scapegoating to ensure that they emerge unscathed and maintain their inflated self-perception.


Furthermore, narcissists often perceive themselves as victims, even in situations where they may be the ones causing harm or distress. They may twist the narrative to portray themselves as the ones who have been wronged or mistreated, seeking sympathy and support from others. By playing the victim, they can manipulate others into providing them with the attention, validation, and special treatment they desire.


It’s important to recognise this pattern of blaming others when dealing with a narcissist. Their tendency to shift responsibility onto others can be frustrating and emotionally draining. It’s crucial to establish healthy boundaries, maintain self-awareness, and not internalise their attempts to place blame. By understanding that it’s a characteristic of their personality disorder, you can navigate interactions with a narcissist more effectively and protect your own well-being.


They Fear Abandonment


Narcissists have deep-rooted fears of abandonment and rejection, stemming from their fragile self-esteem and the belief that they are not worthy of love and attention. This fear drives them to seek constant validation and attention from others. They may go to great lengths to ensure that people stay in their lives, often resorting to manipulative tactics or emotional blackmail. Their fear of abandonment can lead to controlling behaviours and an inability to handle criticism or rejection.


The Narcissist Lives in a Fantasy


One of the hallmark traits of a narcissist is their tendency to create a grandiose fantasy world where they are the centre of attention and admiration. They have an inflated sense of self-importance and believe they are superior to others. This fantasy often includes fantasies of unlimited success, power, and beauty. They may embellish their accomplishments, fabricate stories, or present a false image to maintain their grandiose self-perception. The narcissist’s fantasy world serves as a defence mechanism to shield them from their deep-seated insecurities and vulnerabilities.


There Are Always Strings Attached


Narcissists rarely do anything without expecting something in return. They have a transactional approach to relationships, where they view interactions as opportunities to fulfil their own needs and desires. They may use manipulation, charm, or coercion to get what they want from others. Everything they do is driven by self-interest, and they struggle to genuinely empathise with others or consider their needs. They view relationships as a means to an end and will discard or devalue people once they have served their purpose.




Identifying narcissistic behaviour can be challenging, as individuals with narcissistic traits can be skilled at hiding their true nature. However, understanding the common signs of narcissism can help you recognize and navigate relationships with narcissistic individuals. It is important to remember that narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a psychological issue that requires professional help for diagnosis and treatment.


If you suspect someone in your life may exhibit narcissistic traits, it is crucial to prioritise your own mental well-being. Setting healthy boundaries, seeking support from trusted friends or therapists, and educating yourself about narcissism can empower you to navigate these complex relationships more effectively.  Our ebook The Ultimate Guide To Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse can help you start your journey to recovery.


Remember, while it is essential to be informed about narcissistic traits, it is not productive or ethical to use this knowledge to label or stigmatise individuals. Instead, focus on understanding and protecting yourself from harmful dynamics.


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