It may seem like the narcissist gets to coast through life never receiving the karma for the pain they cause. But it’s just not true!
Even if the narcissist has a hot partner, a Ferrari in the garage and an opulent home and lifestyle they don’t truly enjoy their lives.
Understandably, it’s hard to see this side of things because it is us that has been cruelly cast aside, stripped of everything,and left as a mere shell of who we once were … where’s the karma in that?
In today’s Thriver TV episode, I unpack and prove to you how the narcissist’s fantastic life is anything but the truth. In fact, the narcissist is having a shocking time and is locked into their hellish karma every single day! There is nothing to envy in that.
Today I want to talk to you about how the narcissist is getting their karma every single day. This is so important for those of you who feel like the narcissist stripped everything from you and that he or she is having a great life and that you never can again.
Please know this, what appears to be true regarding the narcissist’s fantastic life is anything but the truth. In fact, the narcissist is having a shocking time and in today’s video, I’m going to unpack this for you and prove it to you.
What Happiness And Success Really Is
Let’s start off by getting a perspective on what happiness and success really is, because I know you may think the narcissist has these things but they don’t, and after I explain what it is, you may understand why he or she doesn’t have it at all.
What does everybody really want? I think that we can all agree that it’s love, happiness, good health, success, all the good stuff. If we peel this back even more, it’s important to understand that true happiness comes from feelings of inner peace, solidness, and wholeness. They need to be durable, they need to be lasting, not like some sugar rush gratification that gives highs when certain things happen and then crashes into lows when they don’t.
In fact, a life like that is identical to one of an addict, which goes like this: I feel good when I get my hit of whatever it is that takes me away from how I’m really feeling on the inside and I feel terrible when it wears off and I can’t get more of that.
Being in a state of happiness – which is durable inner peace and wholeness – has nothing to do with what people are getting or what they already have, because this is precarious. It’s subjective and it’s dependent on supply and a continuation of stuff.
Rather, a true state of happiness has to do with beingness. This is so important to understand. I’m going to explain more about this soon, but now let’s look at the narcissist’s karma every day that they’re experiencing as a result of their unhealthy beingness.
The State Of The Narcissist’s Beingness
So, what is the state of the narcissist’s beingness? I’m just going to be really frank with you – the narcissist’s state of beingness is garbage. It’s terrible and I really mean that. It’s in a desperately broken state. Because they’re feeling so insecure, toxic, and tormented on the inside, the narcissist tries to medicate with stuff and here is their grand delusion of, “I’m going to try to continually get things outside of me to try to feel better inside of me.”
The narcissist is the ultimate addict. He or she needs narcissistic supply to try to self-regulate these emotions. The narcissist needs attention, stuff, the claims, superiority, significance, objects, and whatever they decide that they’re entitled to have.
What this is really about is trying to get happiness and durable gratification, feeling gratified for a lasting amount of time, but it doesn’t last because the narcissist keeps defaulting back to how they really feel on the inside, which is horrifically insecure, broken, unacceptable, and empty.
They have the constant surges of addiction, which is the anxiety, that itch that always needs scratching of, “I need something outside of me to try to feel healthier on the inside.” This is so like taping sandwiches onto your jumper or pullover and hoping that you feel like you’ve had lunch. It’s not going to work.
The narcissist, if they are able to, keeps chasing the things that feed their ego, that’s what they do, such as the hot looking person, the money, the flashy car, the expensive dinners, the holidays, or whatever they can parasite off other people if they’re not capable of creating these things themselves, yet the narcissist is always coming up empty.
It’s like a sugar rush and their demanding insatiable False Self, which is like a black hole can be appeased momentarily but then like every addict, it wants more and more next time. I want you to think about this. We all know about people who have what we may think is everything, but yet they’re in a shocking emotional state and they’re nowhere near happy.
A Snapshot Of The Narcissist’s Everyday Reality
I’m going to explain these following two facts about narcissists. Number one, narcissists are never genuinely happy. They’re constantly chasing the hits of faux happiness when their ego is being fed and they’re seething pits of suffering, victimization, and hatred for themselves, life, and others when their False Self is not getting what it wants.
Number two, the delusion that the narcissist is stuck in is the belief of, “If I do the getting, then the beingness will follow.” No, it doesn’t. Just like no amount of exercise can make up for a terrible diet, no amount of doing and getting can make up for a broken beingness.
I want to give you a snapshot of the narcissist’s everyday reality. So let’s imagine together this scene regarding the narcissist who you may feel has it all and it looks like they’ve got it all.
Let’s imagine this: He or she wakes up to the current hot partner, there’s a Ferrari in the garage, and there’s huge rooms full of opulence that surround the narcissist as their home. But the narcissist isn’t happy. In fact, he or she wakes up feeling horrible, like narcissists generally wake up feeling because they’re low on narcissistic supply.
The hot partner, the Ferrari, and the palatial home were all hits of significance from previous days. These things have worn off now. There is an inner anxiety and the ever-threatening inner self-critical black hole, threatening to engulf the narcissist once again.
The narcissist needs a hit from the outside to try to feel better. He or she, whilst in the bathroom alone, texts their lover to see if they can make an excuse, slip out, and go and get sex on the side this afternoon. They leave a message with the lover, which isn’t answered yet.
The narcissist’s anxiety is building. The new neighbour who the narcissist has been grooming for adoration by helping this person, is out in front of their home, watering the garden.
“I’ll ask them in for coffee,” the narcissist thinks. This person comes over and starts sharing the hard time that they’re going through at the moment. The narcissist makes an excuse that they have to go, cuts the talk short, and decides how much they despise the neighbour now. “They’re so selfish. It’s all about them,” the narcissist projects.
The narcissist who is now precariously low on narcissistic supply needs attention fast as they feel their energy becoming dangerously low, threatening depression, and turns to look at the hot partner. “Why aren’t they making me feel better?” seethes the narcissist.
Then paranoia erupts from within, they decide that the hot partner is a horrible person out to get them and take all of their money. The narcissist starts to give them the silent treatment and you could cut the air with the knife. The hot partner senses something’s up and asks, “What’s wrong?” The narcissist snaps back, “You know what’s wrong. I know what’s going on with you.”
The hot partner questions further, what on earth does the narcissist mean? And then the narcissist accuses them of all sorts of things, ironically, exactly what the narcissist themselves does behind this partner’s back.
The partner is devastated, fights back, and is shattered emotionally. The narcissist starts to feel some relief because they’ve offloaded and attacked and gained superiority again as a result of affecting this person so emotionally, so impactfully. The relief is getting better.
The more that they can tell the hot partner how shocking they are, how terribly they treat the narcissist, and take advantage and so on and so forth … as the hot partner descends into hysteria under the wrath of this callous abuse, this exonerates the narcissist who says to themselves, “I was right. This person is the cause of why I feel this way. Look at them now.”
Then feeling some semblance of power again, the narcissist deserts the partner, which grants them even more superiority seeing how devastated the partner is when abandoned, and they go to work. The partner is not there that evening when the narcissist returns. After, the narcissist did drop in for quick sex with their lover on the way home. The current partner has gone to stay with their friend. They’ve had enough of the narcissist’s nastiness, accusations, and abuse, and abandonments, and they’ve left to try to save their Soul and their sanity.
The narcissist then starts weighing up the options to get attention back from the current hot partner. What will drive him or her mad the most and make them come back for more? Will it be ignoring them, blaming them, love bombing them? Maybe it’s time to discard them all together and take up with the part-time lover more permanently. Hang on, no, the lover is too convenient. They keep things quiet and casual and don’t ask for more. What about the new person at work? Maybe. Or maybe the neighbour. Hang on. They wanted attention this morning. They need to serve me not the other way around, or maybe I could pretend to care and be interested and start a relationship with them. On and on and on and on it goes. The drama, the chaos, the ups, the downs, the sugar rushes, the sugar crashes, the lies, the covering up of lies.
Please know what I’m sharing with you is the truth. You may think that the narcissist has it all. They don’t. With this much internal chaos, disaster, and neediness, and the need to regulate the drug of narcissistic supply to hold up their insatiable, defective False Self, do you really think the narcissist has any consciousness, peace, space, or time to even be grateful and enjoy what they have? Of course not.
Their inner world and their outer life are a constant mess. It’s a life built on lies. When one lie has to turn into dozens to maintain that lie, and then even more, and the greatest lie of all is this external chase that the narcissist is always on, a merry-go-round that they can never get off that will never deliver them to personal nirvana.
There’s nothing to envy here. I know you want the narcissist to have the karma for what they do to people and specifically for what they’ve done to you, but I hope you now know that the narcissist is getting the karma of their insane dysfunction every moment of every day. He or she will never hold onto peace, wellbeing, and inner wholeness.
Narcissists Are Not Having A Great Life
So where does this leave you? Where does it leave all of us actually? Let’s have a look at our wholeness. We can learn a lot from understanding narcissism. We can even see parallels with ourselves in the ego, False Self attachments that narcissists have. Please let’s get clear. This does not mean that you’re a bad person. You have a conscience. You don’t purposefully lie to others, exploit them, and do terrible things behind their back. That’s not the normal, natural way that you operate because you don’t just see people as objects to serve you. You do recognize human beings as flesh and blood, autonomous human beings. I know you do. You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t.
However, if we are honest with ourselves, we may have been missing the point about stuff and happiness. We may have believed that narcissists are having a great life and we aren’t, and we are the victim because they ran off with our stuff.
It’s not true that they’re having a great life for all the reasons that I shared with you today and it’s not true that because they took your stuff, that you can’t have a great life. You can in fact be better, healthier, happier, and more prosperous than you could ever imagine as a result of getting your beingness healed up and right, then everything in your life can follow.
Please don’t worry about stuff because when your Being heals and feels durably whole and at peace and happy as you are as yourself, then the doing and the getting becomes far more easy and empowered and real and durable than you could ever imagine. This is the Thriving that I teach people. It comes from letting go of the narcissist and healing ourselves.
Hopefully today has helped you let go of feeling envious and devastated and I hope it’s helped you know that there is nothing for you to envy about the narcissist who is locked into karma – this terrible karma in their life that they are living as hell every single day.
If you want out of all of this pain and drama and chaos and into your personal heaven and nirvana that does work and is durable, I’d love to help you with this by offering you my free two-part Masterclass, which explains this and much more. You can access this by clicking here.