Have you been wondering if there’s a way to build up your immunity to narcissists?
A way to be absolutely sure they will never trigger you, reel you in, manipulate you or hurt you again?
I once wondered this myself because, like you, I felt unsure that I would recognize if someone is a narcissist, if I would get caught in their toxic trap and if they would take me down like the last one did…
Today I KNOW I am immune to them. I feel confident, radiant, empowered and expansive, and I am free to be myself. No narcissist can derail me from that.
This Thriver TV episode clearly explains how I, and thousands of other Thrivers in this community, have become impervious to any current or future narcissists. I’ve also included powerful mantras, tactics, and healing tips to help you quickly detach and retake your power. Watch now to start your path to full immunity!
Today, I want to explain to you how to be immune to narcissists. So they can’t trigger you, reel you in, manipulate you or continue to hurt you. Now you may not think this is possible, but I can assure you that it is.
To get started, let’s look at the usual belief about being immune to narcissists. Most people think that you can’t be. I see it in narcissistic abuse circles all the time, how apparently narcissists can trick anybody and that the only way that you could ever hope to protect yourself is to learn everything you can about them.
Truly, I find this so self-defeating. Let me explain why.
Can Narcissists Trick Anybody?
How paranoid will you be if you are constantly trying to assess whether every person you meet is a narcissist or not? How on earth does that allow you to be happy and empowered and yourself? It doesn’t.
Also, a narcissist doesn’t come into your life wearing a T-shirt saying, “Beware, I’m a narcissist.” Rather, they show up as incredibly awesome people. Exactly who you’ve been waiting for, the answer to your prayers, whether it be in business or a friendship or a new neighbour, a therapist, anybody at all, really. And of course, a potential love partner.
I’m passionate about teaching you the following three things.
Number one – no matter what people say and do you don’t know them yet, there is no way to know immediately whether or not they’re a narcissist. It takes time.
Number two – your immunity to narcissists has nothing to do with you trying to work out who somebody is. Rather, it has everything to do with you healthily backing yourself, knowing how not to trust blindly or rushing in on an emotional whim because you’re feeling needy. Do not do that too fast.
Also, it’s about taking your time with healthy boundaries to ascertain people at a mature, reasonable pace and dotting your I’s and crossing your T’s before you jump into any contracts or anything that could be life-threatening to you. Take your time.
I don’t believe in any shape or form in arming people to spot narcissists and I don’t live my life like that in any way at all. True protection and empowerment is a 180 degree turn away from that philosophy.
Here’s what I embody: feeling confident, radiant, empowered, and expansive, “I’m free to be myself. I’m able to put myself out there regardless of what anybody else is or isn’t doing and healthily create personal relationships, things that I’m interested in, hobbies and businesses, without the fear of who I’m going to meet along the way, narcissist or not.” This is what I teach.
Number three – which is even more vital than the first two points – to understand that becoming immune to narcissists completely depends on, and I can’t stress this enough, how well you’ve recovered and taken your Life Force back from the narcissists in your life that have already traumatized you.
Narcissistic immunity in your future is either severely stunted or completely impossible until you’ve done this. By becoming immune to what those narcissists have done, on all levels of your Being – emotional, mental, spiritual, and financial – whether you are connected to them or not physically, means overcoming it and truly healing from it.
That’s the immunity, it’s the true indication of how well you’re going to fare against narcissists in your future. And I hope as we go through this video you’ll understand that.
Once upon a time, I was still so enmeshed in the obsession, pain and damage of the trauma of narcissistic abuse, even after the relationship was over, that I couldn’t even leave my front door to go grocery shopping.
So how did my shift into narcissistic immunity happen?
Number One – Don’t Wait To Be Rescued
Let’s start with my first point – don’t wait to be rescued – this is so important for your immunity.
No matter how broken you feel right now whether you’re still in the relationship or you’re out of it, I really want you to know that as an adult in your body there has to be a level of acceptance that no one’s coming to rescue you. And they can’t. You have to be your own saviour.
In the past when we were trying to be immune to a narcissist we wanted to get outside help, such as our family or friends talking to the narcissist and making them see sense. Or maybe the narcissist being held accountable by authorities or a psychologist.
Once upon a time, I tried to do this as well, but what I found is these people instead sided with the narcissist and they showed me even more how I wasn’t as yet being my own saviour and how I needed to be.
Maybe, like my previous self, you wanted to meet somebody strong to protect you from narcissists. Yet, rather than get a rock who protected us, we got more hammers – narcissistic people showing us how we hadn’t yet healed and started taking care of ourselves.
Or maybe, like I also did, you just hope that somebody one day is going to hand you something, a windfall or their love or something’s going to happen, like you win lotto and get everything you lost back … something that’s going to take away the pain.
I want you to know this, when you heal, which is the Thriver way, and you can create a strong, empowered, and healthy relationship within yourself, not only will you be immune to narcissists, but genuine support will also start streaming into your life, which reflects how you now partner, love and support yourself. And that’s how it works.
Narcissistic immunity must start from within. People can guide you and show you how to create this relationship with yourself – such as the journey with me and my incredible team as a Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP) member – but they can’t do it for you.
A powerful mantra for this is, “By healing me, I heal my Soul and spirit and my relationship with myself and therefore my entire potential for healthy relationships with myself, life and others. And so it is.”
Number Two – Don’t Acquiesce
Point number two in creating your narcissistic immunity is – don’t acquiesce. Narcissists require your powerlessness. It’s all about control, superiority, and dominance.
Whether this person is in your life as a friend, a family member, a boss, or a narcissistic love partner who you’re trying to break up with or you’re having problems with, please know you can’t acquiesce your way out of tyranny.
You may think this person will leave you alone, or be kinder, or uphold their end of the bargain if you give them what they want. Negative. The more you give, the more they go in for as they’re siphoning you out. You are granting this person permission to abuse you, mine you and exploit you. And I know that you may be terrified that if you say no, then it could all escalate. Further in this video, I’m going to explain to you why this is not the case.
With existing narcissists or ones that come into your life in the future, if they are toxic people who don’t validate you; or who lie, exploit, abuse and demean you; or who you feel confused or toxically affected by; then your boundaries have to be No Contact or Modified Contact. And the honouring of what is healthy, safe, and sound for you.
To do this, the less expressed is best, such as pulling away. But first of all, you can try and say, “This is what I will accept. This is what I won’t accept.” No lecturing, explaining or prescribing. The narcissist doesn’t need to understand your boundaries and they won’t. They won’t agree with them. It’s only you who needs to agree with it.
The narcissist’s reaction is irrelevant. The narcissist hates boundaries because they can’t control you if you have them. If you have third party communications and plans drawn up and boundaries created legally or through intervention orders and all conversations go through accountable channels, then this all stands in your favour.
A powerful mantra to help you feel the truth of what I’m saying in your body is, “I am going to stand in my rights, values, and truth, regardless of what you are or aren’t trying to do. What is real and true for me stands.” This is a powerful step for your narcissistic immunity.
Number Three – Starve The Narcissist Of All Of Your Emotions
Okay, point number three is starve the narcissist of all of your emotions. And again, less is best.
When dealing with narcissists, especially emotionally, this is known as grey rock, you may have heard about it, meaning that any answers or responses that you give are in monosyllables without any emotions.
Narcissists love to feed off your emotional reactions because they’re seeking to trigger you and emotionally derail you. Then they can flip the script and use this to subvert what they’re doing and make out that you are the bad and the wrong one so that they can punish, manipulate you and to continue to exploit you.
If you give them nothing emotionally, and even better, if you are really in the throes with a narcissist legally, then use just factual third party communications. This is if you have unfinished legal business and the narcissist then knows they have no power over you because the need for superiority and narcissistic supply that they need from you to keep attacking you is dwindling – it’s being cut off, snapped off.
Without your emotional energy, the narcissist has to get a feed elsewhere. Also, an added powerful tip with grey rock is to make all of the statements about you and not the narcissist. So ignore their insane and nasty accusations, threats, and behaviour. Don’t even point it out. Don’t even argue with it and just say, “This is what I will agree to. This is what I won’t agree to.”
And use other statements like, “My decisions are my own. I only care what I think, not what you do. I have nothing more to say,” etc. Just give them nothing and make it all about your truth.
A wonderful mantra to feel the power of grey rock possibilities is this, “I know my truth and I no longer hand you any bullets to shoot me with.” This really helps you take your power back.
Number Four – Put Your Focus Fully On Yourself
So, with number four, take your focus off the narcissist and put it fully onto you – we are taking it even further now, to you taking your inner power back.
Immunity to a narcissist is not an outside-in job, it starts on the inside. When you’re trying to think about what happened and what the narcissist is thinking or doing to try to get relief, it doesn’t give you relief, in fact, it feels horrific.
Have you noticed that your nervous system and emotions are terrorized, confused, triggered, and keeping you stuck in trauma when you do this? By replaying the scenes in your mind without closure or an internal embodied shift into peace and relief, which most people can’t logically get no matter how much they talk it out or research narcissism, you’re continually rewounding yourself with the same wounds that the narcissist hurt you with. This bonds you emotionally to the narcissist.
You’re definitely not immune. It means that what happens is you are really prone to being stuck in the obsession and also drawing into you other future narcissists, because you’re vibrating in the trauma of narcissists.
Internal compounding and repeating trauma brings more of that into your life. It’s just how it works. It’s a simple Quantum Law, which is so within so without, which means what is going on inside of us is what we’re attracting and participating in outside of ourselves.
Detaching from thinking about the narcissist and connecting with you, your Inner Being, validating, holding, and healing yourself, making it all about you and your recovery out of this, starts to give you fast relief. You’re getting out of Wrong Town and you’re going towards Right Town.
A beautiful mantra is this, “I let go of you and devote my heart, mind, and spirit to the most important mission I have – healing me.” It’s so beautiful when you do that.
Now, Module One of NARP is a wonderful process to bypass the obsessing mind and helps you connect your Inner Being with love. It gets the process started.
Number Five – Letting Go Is Not Giving In
So number five is to know that letting go is not giving in. Our human nature is to stay connected and to fight back, because we’re trying to win, to get accountability, vindication and maybe some compensation.
Of course, narcissists thrive off this – your triggers, emotional energy and attention play straight into the narcissist’s hands. They don’t have the ability or the desire to be accountable. They’re just not going to do it. They’re not going to make amends or grant you what is decent or what you want, or recognize you or what they did to you. Their only intention is to keep sucking you and your resources dry. According to them, they’re the victim and they deserve everything they can get.
If you hang onto the need for a narcissist to ‘get it’ and try to force this to happen, you will not only receive more abuse, you’re not going to reach narcissistic immunity. And you will keep experiencing people who hurt you in the future, who you try to hold responsible and they won’t be – it just continues the same pattern.
I know that this may seem counterintuitive, “I should stick in there and I should be strong and I should get my vindication. I should get them to understand what they’ve done.” But please know this, the narcissist is all for control and attention. If you just let go and you let life and consequences hold this person accountable and take care of you instead then this is the ultimate insult to a narcissist. They hate becoming irrelevant to you. And then you get to go free. You get your Soul, sanity, Life Force and your future back and the narcissist loses all power over you.
So a powerful mantra for this is, “I take back my power by letting go of you. I’m creating an empowered, healthy relationship with myself and my real life. You are insignificant to me now.”
All of the NARP 10-step healing Modules help you from the inside out achieve this detachment process and you are going to start filling with your own Life Force and your power.
Number Six – Holding The Narcissist Accountable
Let’s have a look at this. This is our final one and it’s about holding the narcissist accountable and you may say, “Hang on, you were just saying, let go. and that I’m not meant to hold them accountable, now you’re saying to hold them accountable.”
And I can almost hear you say, “But I can’t just detach and hand the narcissist everything. I’m stuck in property, business and custody battles and this is even for my kids.” I agree. I absolutely agree. Yet there is a way to battle a narcissist, win against them and still be immune to their toxicity and their shenanigans.
One thing for certain that you need to understand is you can’t get a narcissist to play nice, you can’t reason with them and you can’t bargain with them. They want your pain, they want to keep control and they want to keep hurting you. They don’t wish to cooperate at all.
This is why the majority of issues drag out for years, if not decades, if the narcissist has you enmeshed in property, your kids or stuff. The narcissist doesn’t want this resolved. They want you to be emptied out the entire time, they’re going to chip away at you and get everything they can the whole time you’re hoping that, “Well, maybe they’re going to do the right thing, or maybe I’m massaging them forward into a resolution.”
What they’re doing is emptying you out and they want you to capitulate. They want you to hand them everything when there’s nothing left of you to go forward with. That’s what they’re working at.
So the only way out of this is to get on the offensive and take matters into your own hands and get things to court. Now, the key ingredients necessary for you to do this are anti-fear and anti-pain and of course anti-guilt.
When you’re calm and you’re in your centre and you’re walking a straight empowered line with facts after having created strict boundaries with the narcissist where they can’t access your energy and keep sucking and exploiting you anymore – the narcissist is going to try to hit back hard.
They usually will try and do something ridiculous, some kind of threat, some kind of lie, some kind of process. If you just stand in your truth, untriggered and unperturbed, not feeling sorry for the narcissist, ignoring the garbage – don’t give it any energy, don’t even try to defend it, just get on with your course and the truth. Their lies get exposed. Their insane, over-entitled demands crumble, and they lose. We see it happen all the time in our NARP members community.
Usually, narcissists at this point capitulate and hand you what you want just to get the hell out of your energy and your life. The little man or woman behind the curtain has been exposed as a victimized little bully using emotional games and lies to bluff you into fear, pain and feeling small and powerless. When it doesn’t work, they’re exposed.
You can’t change what the narcissist is going to do because pretty much they all do it. But if you change yourself deeply and emotionally on the inside, you are going to be pleasantly surprised at how unfazed and unaffected you become and then how it all starts unraveling for the narcissist because you called their bluff. You just walked your path. You didn’t capitulate. You didn’t give into it. You weren’t fearful of it. You were just yourself powerfully. They’re no match for that.
A powerful mantra to help you is, “When I stand in my light, power and truth without fear, your games, lies and darkness unravel for all to see. My light is more powerful, always.” What a powerful mantra. It’s so true.
Module Eight in NARP, is the powerhouse to achieve court, custody, and all sorts of wins. If you’re a Gold NARP member, we have an incredible NARP community forum to support you. This community grants you free coaching support and advice 24/7, 365 days in the year with how to succeed every step of the way with this.
Originally, when I went to put this episode together, I wanted to talk about being impervious to narcissists that you may meet in your future. Yet I know so many of you need help to become impervious to narcissists now, to truly clean up your past traumas with narcissists so that you can go forward into genuine narcissistic immunity in your future.
I hope today has helped you understand that by growing through what happened to you rather than just going through it, that your life will be so much more confident, capable, and joyously expansive than it ever has been.
Also, you’ll be so much more empowered to take your time, to see who people really are from their real-life actions and their histories and what their lives are like. And not just listen to their words or what they’re pretending to be in the moment.
You will ask questions; you’ll speak up if something feels off and you will say “no more” if somebody starts treating you abusively. You won’t have any need to try to change painful people and make them understand you in order for you to have a happy life. You’re going to be able to back yourself rather than trying to make a specific toxic person get, understand you and support you.
This is a Thriver life mission that I’m fully committed to helping you achieve like myself and thousands of others so that you can get on this journey and start enjoying your true self and your true life.
I hope that today has really spoken to you and it’s given you some powerful tips to turn this all around for yourself.