Self-care can be a struggle.
We may tell ourselves that we don’t have time, and…
There are things or people in our life that are SO much more important right now.
Or maybe self-care is something we have never known how to do for ourselves.
This I know, with releasing my own struggle with self-care and assisting so many others get free of their self-denial too, that we can carry DEEP guilt in regard to looking after ourselves.
We may have MANY multi-layered painful beliefs regarding this!
In today’s Thriver Tv Episode I want to deeply investigate this with you, to help free you also from the guilt of looking after you.
Not just for yourself, but for all others and everything you touch.
Which is why self-care is SO important.
As you will discover today!
Putting oneself first is not an easy thing. There can be many multi-layered beliefs that have stopped us thinking this is healthy to do.
Guilt can be a big barrier.
How many of us have thought that taking care of self is wrong, selfish and even narcissistic?
Many of us came from the mindset of the previous generation of survival, and energy expended must be on practical ‘doing’ tasks, rather than so-called ‘self-indulgent’ ones.
Today I want to grant you 5 wonderful ways we can take care of ourselves, as well as the internal shifts we can do on our subconscious programs, to evolve beyond guilt and get healthier.
Okay, before we get started, thank you for being a subscriber to my channel, and if you haven’t yet, please do subscribe. Also, if you like this video, please give it a thumbs up!
Now let’s look at the reasons why healthy self-care is essential!
By Honouring Ourselves We Honour the Entire Field In Honourable Ways
I want to begin by saying what we do need to be-come and shift into – it’s what we are all taught by the airplane analogy – to put our oxygen mask on first before attempting to help anyone else with theirs.
If we are gasping for air, we potentially do more damage than good to others.
This is why I am so adamant about parents healing themselves as their first point of call, before attempting to sort out things for their children.
Quantum Law is a very exact Law of so within, so without. If we try to serve others whilst we are going empty, then our efforts will only bring more pain and emptiness to others and ourselves. Yet if we come from a place of wholeness, then we affect others and the entire Field in whole and healthy ways.
What is also vitally important is that we don’t continue the message of dire co-dependency that we were fed growing up – that going without and people pleasing and keeping the peace so that others will love you, is what we should do.
We all know how that turned out.
Also, if we stay broken and empty and our children see this, whilst we try to give them everything they need, then they will grow up not emulating what we want for them, but rather how we were to ourselves.
That’s what children do, take on the programs of how their parents modelled ‘self’ to them.
Okay so now that we have this clear, that we need to become a healthy model of self for self, others and all of Life, let’s look at the first delightful way we can do this.
#1 Say ‘No’ When Exhausted, and Replenish Yourself Instead
If we keep helping others when we are wrung out and exhausted ourselves, then we are in Wrong Town. Sometimes of course, when we have little children and we have no option, this is all a part of being a parent. What I am really talking about here is when other capable people ask for our help, and we fear saying ‘no’ to them.
We may be scared of losing their love or approval if we were to honour ourselves. Yet if we say ‘Yes’ when we don’t have the energy to comply, or it compromises our values and boundaries to do so, the energy will be murky. We could be resentful that they expect us ‘to drop everything for them’. We may lose valuable self-esteem and self-worth. We may be pissed because other people in the family or friendship circle won’t help and we are the one that gets lumbered with it.
If we are playing victim to all of this, we make out it is the other person’s lack of consideration that is causing our distress, yet truly it is our own poor boundary function.
There is a very essential truth about all of this – if you are okay with honouring your energy levels, other healthy people respect this too. They have other options. They don’t think badly of you. They know that being the generous person you are, that if you could assist you would.
The bottom line is when you have healed internally about this: you are not obsessing about whether or not they accept your ‘No’ because you know that honouring self is your number one priority, regardless.
If you get sorted in your inner beliefs and boundaries and know that you are not serving others in high and honourable ways, unless you are replenished – then you know if people don’t accept your ’no’, they should not be in your life.
What you will also discover is that when you do respect yourself, people respect you more too. If you are the always ‘giving person’ who bends over backward to give people assistance, you will discover that when it comes time for you to need help – no-one will be there for you.
Because they are reflecting back to you how you are not there for yourself.
What is vitally important here is moving out of guilt to discover how easy and unselfish it is to be honest with people regarding whether you can help or not.
Those of you who are NARPers, if this is an area in your life you still struggle with, I suggest feeling into these beliefs:
- People will only love me if I serve them.
- If I say ‘no’ I will be punished.
- I have to earn love and approval.
- Other people’s needs and energy are more important than my own.
- Other people don’t respect or support what I need.
- I don’t deserve my own kindness and care.
If you feel any emotional charges in your body when you check inwards on these beliefs, then you would benefit greatly from clearing them out.
I recommend NARP Module 1 and the Source Healing and Resolution Module to do this effectively and powerfully. Then you will be-come that person who can say ‘no’ and honour you so much more easily.
#2 Ask For Help When Needed
I know this can be a tough one to tackle, and it may not feel ‘delightful’ at all. But please know ‘growth’ doesn’t come from not facing uncomfortable feelings.
Please know that asking for help and granting others the opportunity to supply it, is one of the most beautiful ways people can bond with you. It’s scientifically proven that the act of giving grants the giver oxytocin, which emotionally bonds them with feelings of love to the person they are giving to.
Many people don’t realise that if they are doing everything themselves, and they are not asking for what they need and allowing themselves to receive, then they are not generating deeper connections with others.
If you are the only one giving, it is usual for the person continually receiving to lose interest and start disconnecting from you.
Belief systems have a huge amount to do with being able to be a receiver. If you feel guilty about asking for what you need and terribly uncomfortable with receiving – which is very normal for people who have suffered narcissistic abuse – there is work to be done here!
Let’s look at the goal of where we want to get. It’s this: being able to ask clearly and confidently for assistance when needed – without being winey, passive-aggressive, trying to guilt others into it, or giving long-winded explanations about why we can’t do it ourselves.
All of this is a product of not believing we deserve help, and then we will see the results reflected back to us of exactly that!
I know with myself, this was huge (as were all my deservedness and boundary function issues!). Personally, I believe that if this is a struggle, there are some very important belief systems that we may need to look at and release and heal.
Here is my list for you to check out:
- Everything is up to me.
- I am unsupported by life and others.
- My needs are invalidated and unimportant.
- I am invisible.
- If I let people do things for me, they will hold it over me, control me and hurt me.
Again Module 1 and the Source Healing and Resolution Module in NARP can powerfully release these beliefs for you – granting you the trajectory of life where you CAN ask for and receive support, as well as let people go who were a match for these previous painful beliefs.
#3 Do Nice Things for Yourself
Once upon a time, I used to feel bad for someone having to work too hard on me with a message, even though I was paying them for it! And I felt so guilty spending money on it that I couldn’t enjoy it anyway. In my mind, it felt like time wasted on myself, when I could have been doing something so much more productive.
If we are into being over-practical, incredibly responsible and frugal and self-denying – then it is extremely hard to do nice things for ourselves.
How many people work hard and are over practical all their life, and then it is too late to enjoy the fruits of their labours? Maybe they are too old, or they get sick, or even die before they do.
Many people who have security fears struggle to have holidays, or a new hairdo or a night out to dinner, or to buy some clothes or do something pampering for oneself.
I love it how people in the NARP community have granted themselves the most beautiful acts of self-giving, by doing things such as their own ring ceremony to affirm their love to themselves, or they buy themselves flowers on Valentine’s day.
I remember when I was coming out of my over-functioning, brutal workaholism and self-punishment that I would take myself out to dinner, to a yoga class, or a beautiful location for a holiday.
When financially recovering from narcissistic abuse, little joys and time spent with yourself don’t need to cost money. Time spent in nature is free and replenishing. We can do things like taking a picnic and a good book on the beach.
Or if staying indoors, turning on some music and dancing in your living room to it.
The ways to do nice things for ourselves are endless, and the more we clear trauma our of our Being, the more space we have within to start connecting to Lifeforce and the good stuff.
Even our healing time with ourselves is a special act of self-giving. I love making this time for me, by making myself a lovely cup of something, sitting on my couch and releasing dense energy and bringing more Light in. Or I do this when I am walking on the beach in the morning – and I always feel fantastic afterward.
What I love about treating self in healthy ways, is that this sets a precedent for being able to accept others giving to us as well. It also means that we will be generous with our giving to others.
Let’s look at some limiting beliefs that can block us doing nice things for ourselves.
- It is wrong, selfish, ungodly etc. to do nice things for myself.
- There are others who need so much more than me.
- If I spend money on me, I will not have enough.
- If I am not focused on the practical, something terrible could go wrong in my life.
Again NARPers you know what to do, to dig these beliefs out and start living your life free of them!
#4 Eat Healthy
With the number of toxins and chemicals that have infiltrated our food sources, it has become more necessary than ever that we choose whole and healthy foods.
Healthy fresh whole foods are delicious when a little care has gone into their preparation. Food education hasn’t been something the generation before us were focused on. Packaged convenience food were things that many of us were brought up on, to accept as okay in our diets, yet this isn’t healthy at all.
Food can harm or heal. Nonconscious food choices can create weight gain, diabetes, inflammation and organ, nervous system and brain damage. Healthy whole foods nourish our brain and body.
A very large part of our health, radiance, energy and wellbeing is about what we eat.
In the information age we live in, truly ignorance doesn’t cut it anymore – we can all google and learn about what is healthy and what isn’t.
By eating whole foods and eliminating sugar and preservatives as much as possible from your diet, you will reap the rewards of a healthy body and mind, as well as a glowing lifeforce within.
I truly believe healthy food is essential self-care.
Let’s look at some limiting beliefs that can prevent us from eating healthily
- Healthy food is boring, unappetising and unpleasant.
- I won’t enjoy myself if I can’t eat the foods I want.
- I don’t deserve to nourish my being.
- I will be rejected or ostracised by my family or peers if I eat healthily.
- Sugar and bad foods fill my emptiness within.
- I punish myself with bad food.
And of course, there may be others that are very specific to you.
Belief systems are such a big part of healthy food struggles, I really recommend doing the inner work to make this journey easier for yourself.
All you need to do is target the traumas with Module 1 or the Source Healing and Resolution Module that are generating your limiting food beliefs.
By clearing them, you will evolve beyond them and reset to your organic truth which is ‘health and wellbeing’.
#5 Move Your Body
Our Life-force when stagnant gets depressed, stuck and even toxic. Holistically and optimally we need to move our body every day. This is such an important part of our recovery, evolution and expansion to open up the cells in our Being, as we release trauma, so that Lifeforce and Wellbeing (Source) can enter us and move through us as us.
Exercise is a big part of this.
The benefits from exercise are so good – emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. Exercise is a very personal journey. I love walking, yoga and Pilates. it is a very rare day that I don’t do some form of exercise, even just a walk.
Let’s look at some limiting exercise beliefs
- Exercising is unpleasant and boring.
- I don’t have the energy or the motivation to exercise.
- I don’t deserve to be healthy and fit.
- What is the point? It’s going to be too hard and take too long to achieve the results I want.
- If I open up to exercise, I will be unsafe, exposed and not able to contain my emotions.
- I punish myself by not moving.
Naturally digging out our limiting beliefs can be very confronting, yet if we leave them there we have a constant battle with ourselves, where we can literally drive ourselves crazy and the guilt is horrific each time we default back to the limiting belief.
As Dr. Bruce Lipton explains, when the subconscious and the conscious mind go up against each other, the subconscious wins, hence why doing the reprogramming there is so much more effective.
With all of these five self-care delightful practices, a very powerful and easy way to get them online is to target the traumas in your Inner Being that are blocking you doing (whatever the self-care practice is) and one by one you can dig them all out and release so that you naturally flow forward into these desired practices.
Again Module 1 and the Source Healing and Resolution Module in NARP are very effective solutions for this – and all you have to do is follow the instructions in these healings.
This is what I love about our Thriver Journey, it is so much more than just escaping narcissistic abuse, it is REALLY about becoming our healthiest and most actualised self.
If these are areas of your life that you wish to heal and improve, I’d love to help you, from the inside out, achieve this. My entire system for recovery of ourselves is highly effective, and you can learn more about this in my free 16-day recovery course which you can access here.
And I’d love to hear your feedback regarding this episode. Did you relate to these five areas and the limiting beliefs? Do you want to see more videos about topics like these? Also, let me know what topics you would like me to cover regarding healing stuff apart from narcissistic abuse.
And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.
As always, I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.