When you are on the receiving end of narcissistic rage it is SHOCKING, terrifying and confusing.
Do you feel like you are continually walking on broken glass?
And / or are being punished mercilessly for something that you have apparently done?
Find out what narcissistic rage is all about in today’s Thriver TV and discover a way to deal with it if you are the one in the firing line.
Narcissistic rage can be terrifying. It can be hot or cold – meaning explosive or smouldering.
Either way, you know you are going to feel the repercussions immediately, later, or both. These are horrifying and heartbreaking, and so often seem senseless.
Today, in this video, I want to explain to you what narcissistic rage is, why it gets set off, and how to survive it.
However, firstly, I just want to take this opportunity to say thank you, everyone, who has subscribed to my channel and for supporting the Thriver Mission. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you give this a thumbs up!
Let’s get started.
The Fragile Narcissistic Identity
It can seem unfathomable that narcissists SO easily react with anger, defensiveness, the silent treatment, deliberate neglect, malicious insults and attacks.
These are all acts of narcissistic rage.
But why do they happen on a hair-line trigger? Why do narcissists take umbrage or respond in ways that most adults just wouldn’t?
It’s because their Inner Identity is not grown-up or healthy. Instead, it is severely stunted in emotional childhood immaturity with a False Self overlay.
Because of traumas suffered earlier in life, the narcissist has created a fictitious character as him or herself. Someone who is grandiose, special, above reproach and entitled to preferential treatment.
All of these identity constructs are necessary to protect the narcissist against how he or she really feels about their own Identity – damaged, unworthy and unlovable.
The ‘hair-line trigger’ is any comment, behaviour or action of another that penetrates and cracks this very flimsy False Self veneer.
When the narcissist is high on narcissistic supply and filled up, then he or she is more robust emotionally. Yet, if he or she is low on narcissistic supply and already suffering the bubbling up of their damaged inner Identity, without the self-medication of a feed of superiority from the outside, then the hair-line trigger becomes like a minefield, ready to explode with any wrong step.
It’s at these times that the retaliations of a narcissist, to any perceived emotional threat, is the most active.
Hot and Cold Narcissistic Rage
Hot narcissistic rages usually go off immediately, or very soon after, the apparent violation the narcissist suffered.
This person could be verbally and even physically abusive and threatening. The intensity of a hot narcissistic rage can be terrifying, and even disastrous, to everyone it affects.
Cold narcissistic rages are stealthier, premeditated and planned. Examples are the engineering of abuse by proxy or an elaborate smear campaign against you.
Being the recipient of cold narcissistic rage is the grave experience of being meticulously targeted for revenge. This can be drawn out, incredibly traumatising, insidious and hard to pinpoint and combat.
Hiding and Expressing Narcissistic Rage
Many narcissists are skilled at hiding narcissistic rage when they need to. Their life experience has taught them that allowing their true personality to erupt, or to sulk and be childish, does not procure advantages with new targets or people, who they are trying to actively manipulate or mine.
Narcissistic rages are more commonly unleashed on close intimates, such as family, lovers, spouses and maybe friends or work associates, who are in some way bonded, indebted or dependent on the narcissist.
It can be incredibly frustrating for close intimates to live with narcissistic rage on a regular basis, whilst the narcissist maintains such cordial and charming relationships with others.
In short, narcissists will rage at people who they have hooked to them and who hang around for it. Also, they may continue to attack people who they feel have insulted their False Self, even after separating with them.
Now let’s look at what can trigger narcissistic rage.
The narcissist’s False Self needs to uphold being ‘more special’ than others.
If the narcissist is not the centre of attention when socialising, this can trigger a rage.
So can the narcissist not getting what he or she wants.
The narcissist’s demands, when unmet or denied, even if unreasonable, selfish, inhumane or totally warped, can trigger a rage.
An example could be you not stopping everything to greet the narcissist at the door.
If something or someone else is made a priority, it can bring on a narcissistic rage.
An example of this may be when someone else is ill and requires attention. Or the mentioning of someone else who is special, instead of attributing that title to the narcissist.
If Critiqued Or Questioned
The narcissist’s False Self, within its superior self-construct, is beyond reproach.
Even constructive suggestions to a narcissist can trigger a narcissistic rage.
Certainly, any form of questioning of the narcissist’s decisions, motives, actions or behaviours is stepping on very dangerous territory.
Trying to show or teach a narcissist something, often threatens their sense of superiority and so can trigger a rageful episode.
Made To Be Like Everyone Else
One of the narcissist’s greatest horrors is to not be the omnipotent being that their fictitious character needs to imagine itself as.
The huge gap between feeling ‘super-human’ and like a ‘normal-human’ gets closed with a thud, when the narcissist has to do the mundane, everyday things that every responsible adult does.
Things like: turning up on time, keeping your word, paying your bills and taxes, doing the right thing.
These deeds, unless providing narcissistic supply, are appalling to the narcissist. And if there is pressure enforcing ‘normality’, a terrible ego injury can occur, bringing on a narcissistic rage.
Narcissists absolutely screw up. They break rules and laws and pathologically lie. They cheat, manipulate, violate and abuse, and have no concern for how their actions affect others.
Naturally, people who are suffering the results of this are going to confront the narcissist and try to hold him or her accountable. This is one of the times when narcissistic rage will be the most obvious.
If you try to back a narcissist into a corner, he or she will come out swinging, using a host of out-of-bounds defence mechanisms.
The conscienceless arsenal that the narcissist uses cuts hard and brutally into your psyche, and leaves you feeling like you are being torn to emotional shreds. You feel like you are losing your mind.
Why is the narcissist so disastrous to your health at this time?
Because he or she is trying to switch the blame and is fighting with every available tactic to maintain his or her idolised image.
If Called Out
One of the most sure-fire ways to trigger the narcissist’s rage is to call him or her a narcissist. This never goes well!
If you try to lecture and prescribe to the narcissist about their damaged self, their wounds, their dysregulation and issues, then be prepared to be set upon.
The greatest threat to the narcissist’s False Self is for the charade to be exposed. You are inciting punishment and retaliation when you do this.
Warning Signs and the Flushing Out of Narcissistic Rage
After meeting a narcissist, they will hide the immature narcissistic rage part of themselves from you as long for as they need to.
So how do you pick it? And what are the warning signs?
Generally, it starts by you feeling in your own gut that something is not quite right. It could be a way they looked, a slight reaction, or a few words they said.
I have found that by asking people about their life and other people, delusions of superiority can be noticed. They may talk down about other people. Perhaps when you are out with this person, they treat restaurant staff with disdain.
If something isn’t right, it’s important that you question it. Get to the bottom of it, with solidness, poise and integrity. If you do this, I promise you the narcissist will be rattled and will unravel into defences that are immature and uncalled for. Or they will burst into a narcissistic rage right in front of you.
I share this following example often, because it is such a good one.
Some years ago, when on a date, my date was rubbishing his work colleagues. When he asked me how he thought our date was going, I told him that my values didn’t include talking about people in such a derogatory way.
I said it calmly and clearly without fear.
He then flew into a complete rage. A narcissist was well and truly flushed out, and I was overjoyed that I had dodged a bullet.
If You Are Being Abused With Narcissistic Rage
Narcissists use narcissistic rage to control and manipulate you; to make you acquiesce and do what they want, drop your boundaries and hand over your rights and power to them.
The narcissist is also using you as their dump master to offload their emotional trauma onto – their inadequacies, self-loathing and deranged inner feelings – to try to relieve themselves of them.
It’s vital that you stop trying to combat, fix or change the narcissist.
There is only one true solution to escape narcissistic rage and all the other abusive things that a narcissist does…
Pull away and start taking care of yourself.
For you, this means healing all the fears and inadequacies inside you, which the narcissist has been ripping open and using against you to suck your life-force and keep you hooked.
When you do the RIGHT inner work, you will escape these hooks, breakaway, get well and create your Thriver Life.
You will also render the narcissist powerless in lining you up and continuing to make your life a living hell.
Which is exactly the work that I teach people how to do – it’s my mission in life to help get you there.
If you have had enough of narcissistic rage, don’t wait any longer, come with me and I’ll show you how to break away, heal and become completely impervious to the narcissist’s attacks.
We can do this together in my next Masterclass, which I have just opened up. The last one of these mega healing events had over 7000 attendees, and we had hundreds of emails during and after the masterclass telling us how informative, healing and life-changing it was.
Okay, so to start getting relief, answers and the healing you dearly desire, click this link to the Masterclass.
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As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.