In today’s article we are going to deeply peel back one of the most painful reasons why abuse can happen to us – lack and dependency.
My intention with this article is to allow all of us to understand the “gaps” that have ensnared us with abusers, so that we can ascend beyond this to not only be impervious to them, but also be the masters of the life that we truly wish to live.
Okay… lets go back in time to the start of when “lack and dependency” were our unavoidable realities.
As a Child
Absolutely you were born with predispositions – meaning that you were NOT a blank slate. Your individual makeup was yours: this is why even identical twins can have very different personalities.
Some aspects of you are already highly established; look at Mozart who was composing symphonies at 4 years of age as an extreme example. There are other aspects of us which naturally are deeply underdeveloped; you may have been timid, sensitive and deeply fearful of the world and people right-from the get go.
This isn’t random when you understand deeper Quantum Truths, such as your soul energy is here to have experiences – to learn and have the opportunities to grow and heal.
Regardless of “what you came in with” as a child you have “lack”. You are not an established solid adult self yet. You are developing. You don’t know what it is to be a self-generative source of love, approval, security and survival for yourself yet.
You can’t make your own way in the world. You can’t get your needs met via your own choices. You don’t have a bank account. You can’t travel freely independently, and you can’t choose to transact with the world to be able to grow and create your life.
Because of this “lack” you are entirely dependent on the caretakers in your life to provide you with love, approval, security and survival in order to have these four pillars of your Inner Identity established.
In our wonderful community here, many people had different childhood experiences. Absolutely every single one of us came from a background of lack and dependency (simply because we were co-dependent children). How well did our parents do in helping us to be solid on this inside knowing – that we have the power to be independent – as we grew up?
Sadly, the world we are in has been deeply unconscious and in “the outside in” programming that has been responsible for many people NOT growing up solid, calm and at peace (safe) on the inside.
This programming has a heavy focus on False Gods – namely competition, achievement, appearances and “getting” – rather then deep anchored beingness and connection to the Higher Infinite Mind, that ironically grants access to true durable love, health and prosperity. Many of our parents were also struggling with feeling empty or traumatised on the inside, and we grew up taking this on as well.
We may have had a parent who accepted a terrible job, because they suffered the lack of not believing they could get a better one. Maybe the relationship of our parents was awful, but they clung to each other rather than be alone. Perhaps we had modelled to us “giving to get” because one or both parents were people pleasers, and suffered abuse and exploitation from others as a result.
Maybe as a child you were given messages that were deeply unloving because of abuse or neglect, or conditional loving, causing you to be “loved” when you complied, and then rejected when you didn’t. Perhaps you were only approved of if someone else got what they wanted from you; or if you performed all the roles they gave you; or if you achieved the results that made you worthy of approval.
Perhaps nothing you ever did was good enough, and you were always criticised no matter what.
Maybe you were adored, yet this parent didn’t care for and love themselves. Children don’t become what their parents say, they follow what their parents do for themselves.
Perhaps things were so unstable at home that you felt unsafe, insecure and didn’t know how to “be” to stay safe. You may have been so focussed on keeping someone else sane enough to not get hurt that you couldn’t establish safety inside of yourself, with YOUR essential pillars of self.
Maybe as a result of abuse, fights and separations between your parents, and/or neglect and addictions, you felt like you may not survive.
Absolutely this causes your Inner Identity to not just be stunted in its development but also to be compromised.
Now I want to make something abundantly clear from the Quantum perspective of Universal Truth.
All is ONE. There is only one person in the room. Everything you have experienced is giving you the pleasant experience of showing you that part of yourself has already evolved, and what hurts and is stuck in painful patterns is what you have not yet turned inwards to heal and sort out within yourself.
You are still trapped in the small personality mind about this, which is the lower frequency; what many are now calling, 3D reality. Check out my previous article on Ascension to understand this better.
The bottom line is this is NOT your parent’s fault. They are stuck in their own programming, lack, dependencies and internal traumas that were passed on to them by people who also suffered lack, dependencies and generational internal limiting traumas.
The even more profound bottom line is this. Everything that your parents granted you regarding lack and dependencies – that set you up for future lack and dependencies – happened for the perfect soul reason: for you to turn inwards, heal and release yourself from lack and dependencies.
Thus to ignite your True Self and deeply longed for life – the Life of your Dreams that was always yours to have.
To stay thrashing around in the blaming and shaming of your parents is simply another active demonstration of lack and dependency – and there is no way out until you actively embrace the responsibility of generating your own ascension via Quantum inner healing.
As an Adult
Naturally many of us became adults with “lack” still on board in regard to the four pillars of our Inner Identity – love, approval, security and survival.
Usually at a deep level these four pillars are deeply connected.
If we don’t love and approve of ourselves then as children we take on the critical parent voice of not being enough, not being worthy of love, having to earn love and approval and needing to “get” it rather than just knowing how to “be” it.
Because of this we can’t get these commodities from our relationship with ourselves – it’s lacking there. So now we are dependent on others. We are automatically co-dependent: empty on the inside, and trying to get “ourselves” from outside of ourselves via other people and acquisitions.
This makes us a natural choice and an energetic match for abusers. They pretend to grant us the love and approval that is missing within us, get us hooked on them and then start siphoning out our lifeforce and resources.
Of course this leads to feeling insecure, confused, tormented and traumatised. The abuser gaslights us and makes us doubt ourselves, our lovability and worth (which we already doubted).
As our own disintegration deepens, we fear for our emotional, mental, spiritual, material and even physical survival.
Again, we feel like powerless children, completely at the whim of what another adult is or isn’t doing to us.
What Does Dependency Really Mean?
As a child dependency is inevitable. As an adult it isn’t.
I never deeply understood this until I Quantum Healed myself. My previous adult self was deeply co-dependent and hooked into accepting abuse as my reality.
Now I live my life, free as myself.
Dependency means this: “I have to stay connected to you because you are my Source of love, approval, security or survival”.
It means “I am choosing you instead of myself.”
“If I let go of you, I can’t create this for myself.” And…
“If I let go of you there may be no other options.”
The bottom line is this: “If I let go, I don’t trust that – by alignment and healing with the Infinite Mind (Source) – I can be magnificent and live my true desires without you.”
The logical mind (the enemy of our true power) says these things: “You are too old / sick / incapable / lazy / unskilled / defective / dysfunctional etc. etc. etc. to effectively generate love, approval, security and survival”. This is why we hang on to the very end, until things get so bad that there is no option other than to let go if we want to save ourselves.
These shocking situations may include experiencing abuse. Blatant abuse. All of the Quantum evidence of so within, so without that “you are not in alignment with True Creation.”
And if we are really honest with ourselves, we are blatantly abusing ourselves in this lack and dependency.
We can do it with love relationships, family, jobs, friendships – all matters personal or business related.
And here is the limited “stinking thinking” that always creates big disappointments and disasters. “I know this is so WRONG, but I have to put up with it because you bring to the table the things that I need.”
All of this is a product of the lower vibrational, small, logical mind.
The healed-up Thriver Self connected to the much larger powerful Infinite Mind knows “I am standing in my truth, generating it for myself and therefore it comes. There is no lack, there is no loss, there is only well-placed choices – without needing physical proof of outcomes – which call forth the higher alternative.”
Read these two above statements again and feel into them – feel them in your body.
Which one feels expansive and healthy? Which one feels limited, dangerous and scary?
Now please understand this: your Body IS the Infinite Mind, and your greatest job is to get it aligned into expansiveness and power. Then that is the life you can start to live.
How Abusive People Feed Off Your Lack and Dependency
Toxic and abusive people all play this game: they ensnare you as narcissistic supply via your dependencies by pretending to be the answer to your lack of self-love and approval, confidence, money, lifestyle, connections, experiences and opportunities. Then you trust them full heartedly, let them into the running of your life, and ignore all warning signs and red flags that go off.
I so know this one – it used to be a HUGE pattern in my life.
You may say, “Oh no Melanie that is not what happened to me. I got hooked in because I felt sorry for that person, and I am the one who played rescuer, and they exploited me in that way.”
Please know this is still lack from within. It is “I am not lovable and worthy unless I am fixing someone so they will love and approve of me.” It is very likely in your childhood that you had a sick or narcissistic parent that you were always trying to fix or please so that they would finally love you.
They used emotional manipulation and guilt tactics to exploit you. Later in life you are still trying to FINALLY get people to acknowledge what you grant them – people who will not take responsibility for themselves and blame you anyway, no matter what you grant them.
When we are hooked into someone by trying to get them to provide whatever is missing from inside of ourselves, then we are again the dependent child, trying to get an “adult figure” (someone from the outside) to fix this for us.
As hard as these truths are, I hope this awareness helps you realise your mission to heal up these parts of you that are playing straight into this. So many of you are capable, incredible, creative, amazing, high-functioning people who look to have it all together.
Before my life breakdown, I too was successful. I was hard working, conscientious and certainly did not want “a free ride” off anyone. Yet deeply inside I did not love and approve of myself and I felt deeply insecure and unsafe.
I was a “lacking and dependent” target for abuse – despite outer appearances.
But now, thankfully, because of Quantum Healing I have been able to turn this around and take control of myself and my Thriver Life.
If you are already using NARP and would like to take your Thriving to the next level, my next Love, Health & Wealth Super-Thrive Program is coming up soon! Click here to find out all the details.
Also, I have a very exciting announcement to make for those of you who wish to RISE out of lack and dependency regarding money, to become a Quantum Creator of Financial Prosperity.
I am doing a workshop on this very soon. The full details will be coming shortly, but I just couldn’t wait to let you know about my plans – I’m totally excited about being able to present Quantum Manifestation Power to you!
As always I look forward to your comments and questions below.