Leaving a narcissist can be confusing, painful and terrifying. Narcissists do not like being LEFT by someone – it is a BIG insult to their ego.
So, what does that mean? It means that the narcissist will try to get BACK at you – HURT you, CONFUSE you, cause CHAOS for you and they do this in many ways.
In this Thriver TV episode, I share with you the NASTY things I have seen narcissists do when people leave them so you can be prepared for any fallout.
This is information that you REALLY need to know if you are going to leave or have just left!
Leaving a narcissist is not like leaving a normal relationship.
Of course, all relationship endings can be very painful. In any relationship breakup people may not behave nicely for a time, because of being hurt. But relationship endings with narcissists take it to another level and can be fraught with lots of confusion and trauma.
Okay, before we get started, I’d like to remind you, if you haven’t yet subscribed to my channel please do, and thank you so much if you already have. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.
Alright, let’s get going. Let’s have a look at what you could be up for.
#1 – False Promises and Crocodile Tears
It’s quite common with narcissists, when you leave, to suddenly become apologetic and remorseful, promising to be better, do better and to make it up to you.
With narcissists this is not about genuine remorse and love for you – it is purely about re-hooking you up for narcissistic supply.
This is where we have it get very clear – words are cheap, and behaviour is the determinant of whether someone is not just genuine, but also has the resources to change.
People don’t just change because they say they will. People change because they are genuinely remorseful and are genuinely prepared to be accountable; to do the inner work to heal the reasons why they behave so abusively in the first place.
This is a long, hard process of healing, and is in no way an overnight thing.
Please note, if a person shows NPD characteristic – see my blog Are You With A Narcissist – it really is my recommendation that the chance of this person changing is negligible or non-existent. In no way does their proclamation and apologies mean their behaviour will alter.
So many of us have got back with narcissists time and time again only to realise that all that did happen was the abuse cycles became worse.
#2 – They Tell You They Were Ending It Anyway
There are two reasons a narcissist will tell you they were going to leave anyway, when you say you’re leaving them: to preserve their ego, so that they get the final say, and to try to freak you out and into thinking that you’ve been the one discarded.
They do this to hurt you, and so you become righteous and distraught when trying to explain to the narcissist why it is your choice to leave and not the other way around.
If this happens, you will fall right back onto the hook, trying to get the narcissist to understand you. You will end up capitulating, giving away more of your rights so that you end up back under the narcissist’s control, again.
See this for what it is, and don’t fall or it!
#3 – Stalk and Harass You
This can happen when a narcissist doesn’t want to lose control of you and the narcissistic supply they get from you.
This is especially prevalent when narcissists are the controlling and jealous types. Their approach and contact is likely to vary from situation to situation and could range from begging, crying, and trying to bargain, through to abusive and even violent words, threats and actions.
Please know, if you are being treated like this that it is SO important to work on releasing your fear to create solid and powerful boundaries. It is every person’s right to live free of harassment and intimidation, and remember you DO have the ability to place an intervention order.
#4 – Punish You
If a narcissist turns to vengeance, you’ll definitely know about it.
This is when they are likely to take things from you that are precious and attack what is most important to you. They might help themselves to your money and take possession of your things; turn people against you; refuse to give up your pets; or cut you off from your finances.
Therefore, it is really important that you leave quietly. Plan carefully and make sure that you have all your things secured before the narcissist knows it’s over.
If you have seen this person act maliciously in the past, absolutely don’t give them the benefit of the doubt and think they would not be capable of doing the same again. A narcissist who feels scorned, because of being a conscienceless entity, is capable of some pretty dirty things.
Also, be prepared for the smear campaign that undoubtedly will follow – virtually all narcissists do this. The best thing you can do is not feed it and try not to defend yourself, unless it becomes legal. If you do need to defend yourself, then work hard at releasing all your fears about the smear campaign, and just walk a straight, calm and honest line. Narcissists’ smear campaigns fall apart when you do this.
#5 – Replace You Quickly and Let You Know About It
A hallmark of narcissists is that they move on very quickly. I jokingly say it takes a narcissist as long as it takes to boil an egg to be back on a dating site! We all know that real people, who really love people, just aren’t capable of doing that!
Of course, this can be intensely painful. Narcissists love rubbing their ex-partner’s face in it. Please note, replacing you is likely to happen whether you leave the narcissist or the narcissist leaves you.
It’s so important for you to heal all the terrible feelings that can come up regarding being unlovable and replaced. I promise you that when you do, you will totally feel nothing but compassion for the narcissist’s new partner, and relief that it is no longer you in a relationship with this person.
#6 – Being Prepared
Please know that narcissists know where to hit. What I mean by this is that it will be the thing that will hurt you, confuse you or hook you in the most that the narcissist will do. If completely ignoring you after you leave is what will hurt you the most, I promise you that is exactly what will happen.
Because that is just what narcissists do!
The greatest way to get through whatever ways the narcissist responds to the breakup, is to be prepared to turn inwards to the scared and confused parts inside of you; to tend to any feelings of guilt, abandonment and fear, and heal them back to wholeness.
By doing so you will be able to leave, keep away and start to heal and flow into your new, abuse-free life.
That is my greatest passion and joy – helping individuals achieve this for real. People just like you.
So to get your journey started with me, you can sign up to my free 16-day course by clicking this link.
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As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.