Narcissists can seem like terminators, who just won’t stop hurting you.
So, how is it possible to shut down a narcissist who won’t leave you alone?
Is it even possible?
People report all the time, even years later, that the narcissist is still terrorising them, making their life hell and continuing to turn up, over and over again.
Why is this? Haven’t these people got better things to do?
I know that if you are suffering from this, as I used to as well, you may believe: ‘It is because this person wants to make my life a living hell.’
Yes, narcissists are very capable of not leaving you alone, even years later – but truly that is not the reason why they are doing this.
In today’s article, I want to grant you the true reason why the narcissist won’t leave you alone, and how you CAN powerfully shut down a narcissist who previously wouldn’t leave you alone.
The Soul Contract
Let’s just get straight to it – my favourite quote of all time that encapsulates narcissistic abuse.
It’s by Pema Chodron and it’s this: ‘Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.’
In line with this quote, the most important understanding that you can ever have about a narcissist who won’t leave you alone is this – they are on a Soul Contract with you.
You may ask, ‘What does that mean?’
It means that they are activating within you something that is hurtful, namely they are triggering trauma within you and causing you great angst. But once you go inwards and claim this triggered emotional trauma within, and shore it up, then the narcissist will never again hit that trigger within you.
You may think I’m crazy, if you’ve not gone through incredible and profound Thriver Recovery, yet those of you who have, just as I have, know that what I am saying is incredibly true. When you heal within whatever the narcissist is pummelling, that’s when the narcissist can no longer trigger you, affect you or have any impact on you whatsoever.
It’s then, after your emotional graduation, that the narcissist will disappear from your experience.
You see, narcissists need the feed; they need narcissistic supply to be energised to keep attacking and hurting you. Your fear and pain are like the other half of the toxic magnet that feeds them – the bullets to keep shooting at you.
When your painful emotions no longer exist – when you truly couldn’t care less – then the narcissist has nothing. No energy, ammunition or impetus to keep hurting you.
But it goes deeper than this – to Quantum Reality – which is really what is going on at a soul level for you. Now, let’s get to the truth of what this means.
Your Soul’s Purpose and Mission
I thoroughly believe we are all here to unpack our false beliefs and traumas, which we have accumulated as humans and need to release, if we are to live as Who We Really Are.
Who are we?
We are Beings of love and light and personal power – to be ourselves, express our truths and bring forth our divine contribution to this planet. We are here to help birth heaven on earth, and to free this planet of the stranglehold of darkness and trauma that it has been submerged in for centuries.
There you have it – the REAL truth as I see it!
If you haven’t yet awoken to this consciously, I invite you to listen to what your Inner Being feels about this idea, because something cellularly within you knows it to be true.
This awakening back to your True Self, your True Power, is coded in your DNA and is simply waiting for you to meet and re-activate it.
So … how do we achieve this?
By stopping the focus and distractions on the outside that have caused us to serially self-abandon and self-avoid, and instead turn inwards to release the trauma we have accumulated in our energy fields and to organically live as ourselves.
When you do this and live without the trauma and false beliefs, you will see that a narcissist can no more exist in your reality and do what he or she has been doing to you, than an iceberg can exist in tropical waters. They just don’t go together.
I know that your brain may not want to accept this is true, because logically you can’t fathom how it works. But, can you logically explain why gravity works? Probably not – yet it is a Law that just IS.
Quantum Law is the same – so within, so without. The composition of your Inner Being is what you will choose, participate with and experience in your life. If you have come home to your True Self, then no matter what a False Self does to you, it will not impact, register or even be your reality. And once that graduation is reached, these attempts leave your reality – just as Pema Chodron quotes.
You will have learned what you needed to know.
What IS the Narcissist Teaching Us?
The narcissist brings to us EXACTLY the unhealed, unresolved wounds we have within us. All of the traumas we are carrying that are NOT our True Self.
It is with this idea, that it is something within us that we need to resolve, that people get really bent out of shape with and, of course, so want to hang onto their victimhood. And I understand this, because I used to be there myself.
However, I know I am not going to be able to help you heal by reinforcing your victimhood. Rather, I’m on the mission of saving souls and lives, by helping people evolve in the Thriver Way. So, my purpose is to spin these catastrophic experiences in our lives, into the grandest evolution possibilities imaginable. (Because they ARE!)
Narcissists are doing an incredible service for humanity – they are pushing people’s unconscious wounds up to consciousness so that we can finally wake up, turn inwards and release ourselves from these wounds.
And if you don’t, as Pema said – It ALL keeps going.
But if you DO, then the abuse stops and you will go up to your grand graduation, beyond abuse and abuse symptoms, into personal power and freedom. You will experience your own ascension into higher and more fulfilling trajectories.
And with this, finally, you will LOSE all fear of being abused in your future, because you have cleaned up all the traumas within that were allowing you to unconsciously hand power away.
This is the hero or heroine’s journey, through the bowels of hell into the light and love of heaven – and you can experience it here on earth … absolutely.
I want to share with you the BIG truth the narcissist is teaching us – that we are Quantum Creators from the inside out. It is NOT our Doingness that creates our life, it is our Beingness.
This is where science and spirituality and Quantum Truths are now connecting as powerhouses of healing and awakening, and they completely match our real-life experience. We know (Oh, we know) through the experience of narcissistic abuse, that when we try to survive and resurrect our outer life, whilst we are still mired in a traumatised inner life, that it doesn’t work in a positive or restorative way.
And from this traumatised inner place, you will find it impossible to shut down a narcissist who won’t leave you alone. The abuse continues, and may even be in your life for decades, regardless of whether the narcissist moves on with someone else, or you remain together.
What is it that you need to learn to avoid this?
You need to learn to love and honour yourself enough to turn inwards to meet and heal your unhealed parts. By turning inwards, with the intention and methods to Go Quantum, means you no longer try to work Life out logically.
Rather, you are connecting with the Infinite Wisdom you have within, that is stored in your visceral Inner Being.
Your answers are within – truly. And when you know how to naturally and organically find them, and work with yourself at this True Core level, you will wonder how you ever previously missed knowing this.
In fact, you will realise you always did know it. You just didn’t remember that you did.
And when you do re-member, that’s when you will come home.
Rising Above Fear
In the ten plus years that I have been helping people STOP narcissists attacking them and tearing their lives apart, I have observed that individuals only get true results the Quantum Way – whch means attending to the fearful emotion first and shifting their Beingness, before trying Doingness.
It’s then that the outer changes – it’s Quantum Law – it must do so.
In ALL ways. These individuals show up differently, in their power. They begin to attract and manifest support, situations and even miracles that grant them additional power and breakthrough.
They have become a master of their Life, from the inside out (which is the only place True Power resides), rather than a victim to it.
P.S. Yesterday I made a special announcement that the MTE team is going to be hosting in-person Workshops in major cities around the world later this year!
I created a video to tell you all about it and also have a special little request for you… We want to know where the biggest Thriver Tribes and what kind of events you’d like to see.
We created a quick 2-min survey for this and if you complete the survey you will go in the special early-bird list, giving you the first opportunity to get tickets when they go on sale.
And I look forward to answering your comments and your questions below.