It’s such a shock when we discover that the narcissist is nothing more than a mirage.
How do we come to terms with the fact that we invested ourselves into a wonderful idea that was never real?
Let me show you how to see past what they seem to be. This will help you not become reliant on or emotionally addicted to them. It will also ensure you can avoid being emotionally triggered into neediness, fear and panic in ways that may surprise or shock you.
In today’s Thriver TV episode I will guide you to your very own Great Awakening, which is your deep Life Truth.
Remember the myth of Narcissus looking into the water and falling in love with his own reflection?
This wasn’t the real him.
It’s such a shock when we discover that the narcissist who we thought was incredible, and even our soulmate is nothing more than a mirage. This person simply wasn’t real.
It’s horrible initially to understand that because they are not a real person, they didn’t love us and they are not capable of love.
How do you come to terms with the fact that you invested your heart, life, years and soul into a mirage? A wonderful idea and dream that was never real.
That’s exactly what we are talking about today in this Thriver TV episode.
Before I get started, I want to quickly shout out that I’m very excited about my upcoming You Can Thrive One-Day global workshop, which will be a first of its kind, an intensive healing container for thousands of people, to move you up and out of narcissistic abuse into your true abuse-free life.
Okay, let’s get started on today’s very important topic.
The Promise of the Mirage
Bad people exist. People who are soulless, and are not concerned with other people’s feelings, needs or values. These are people who are parasitical, they feed off other people’s energy, resources and Life Force to try to grant themselves power and an existence.
The problem is these people masquerade as everyday people in society. They appear as lovely, commendable and caring people who we can trust. They are potential lovers, business associates, authority figures, bosses, friends and neighbours. They can also be family members who are supposed to love you and treat you with care.
What is incredibly tricky about these individuals is they are skilled at working out the people who they wish to ensnare and start mining for their own benefit. In a family setting, they already have your connection and attention. The narcissists outside of families identify what people feel they need in their life and then present themselves as the solution to these issues.
The bottom line is, we want to trust these people. We want to believe that they are the answer to our loneliness, broken heartedness, safety, wellbeing or any other challenge in our life.
Maybe this person seems strong and outgoing, and we have struggled to speak up and lay boundaries or be tough enough to navigate our own life fearlessly, and now we finally feel safe.
Possibly, this person seems so loving and generous and caring, and after not feeling loved and cared for, you feel like you are finally seen and met.
This person may have the supposed energy, wealth, drive and ambition, as well as aligned goals with you, so much so that you finally feel like your dreams can come true.
Within narcissistic abuse, bonding does not discriminate, it happens in every relationship. In intimate or family relationships there are countless ways you will be bonded. If this person is not a love relationship, maybe you have connected resources, such as finances or a business deal. Or this person seems to supply something in your life that unknowingly you are now reliant on or emotionally addicted to.
Narcissists are skilled at creating “dependencies”; it may be so insidious and gradual that you barely understood that it was happening.
A particularly good indication is that this person starts becoming difficult, withdrawing or withholding affection or attention from you so that you are emotionally triggered into neediness, fear and panic in ways that surprise or shock you.
This is where cognitive dissonance comes into play. You are ensnared by this person; they have literally infiltrated your soul. Now, the relationship can only continue for you if you make logical excuses and justifications to stay attached.
This is where you are now projecting onto him or her, despite the atrocious behaviour, the idealised version of “how you believe this person should be”.
How would you stay with this person, unless you are lying to yourself?
The Thud of Truth
Within narcissistic relationships, the state of your soul, emotions, finances and health progressively disintegrates.
Inevitably, there comes a time where you acknowledge you are being abused. The volume of the abuse keeps getting turned up progressively, so intensely, as the cycles of abuse deepen and intensify (as they do with all toxic relationships), that eventually the truth must get your attention.
And this is the truth: this person does not really love you and care for you, despite the throwaway words that they sometimes use, to hoover you back in, or give you some false sense of security.
This is not love. This is not healthy. This is not even a real person who has a conscience or ability to see you as anything more than an object for them to benefit from.
As terrifying, heartbreaking and soul-destroying as this is, this is the passage to your own personal evolution.
Your Great Awakening is to accept the truth, that this person (or people) who you thought were trustworthy, commendable, and had your best interests at heart, absolutely don’t. These people do not add to your life in any way that is healthy, rather they are feeding off you, draining you and ultimately destroying you, all for their own benefit.
If you don’t wake up to this, then there is only one outcome, your personal diminishment and demise.
Here is the rub, denial and ignorance are not bliss, because the longer you stay attached refusing to look at the truth – the more your rights are being eroded.
The deeper the enslavement becomes.
The further down into the loss of your soul and Life Force you go.
Awakening means applying critical thinking. It means to open your eyes and heart to the truth. That when someone is hurting you they are not loving you, and it’s time to stop hurting yourself and love yourself with all your might.
It means to not just blindly accepting to cling to a version of a person in your life, that you would want them to be.
It means to stop handing power over to other people and to take the power back to be the generative force and source of your life for yourself.
That’s the Great Awakening. That’s what it means to live Your Truth.
Your Inner Being knows the truth. When your emotions are screaming at you that something is not right, and you are being diminished, and stripped of your rights, then that is the time to wake up.
When you try to assert your rights and truth regarding the sovereignty of your feelings, values, desires and choices in life (meaning the freedom to be fully yourself), and they are not allowed – then you are being abused.
If you don’t wake up to this, you are asleep. As a goodhearted person, who is not as yet anchored in your own body navigating your life from the truth of your core, you are a prime candidate to be targeted and abused by these people – posing as your “answer”, “safety”, “saviour” or “dream life”.
With abusers, it becomes obvious. Their agenda and decisions happen without your involvement or any consideration for your values and desires. It is “sold” to you as this: this person knows what’s best for you because YOU don’t have the ability to know or decide what is best for you.
Don’t buy it! It’s not the truth!
Until you awaken, you are prey to people who are mirages, who are wolves in sheep’s clothing and are highly dangerous and abusive.
Being Straight With You
I’m addressing you in this way because I truly needed to do that with myself.
Before I discovered Thriver Healing, I was paralysed and stunted in the horror of the discovery that he was not the human being that I “needed” him to be. I had assigned him as the authority and the giver of my life.
I hadn’t yet awakened to become that to myself.
Doing so, saved my life. I turned inside, self-partnered and took on the mission of loving and caring for myself. I tapped into and activated my true power as a sovereign being to fulfil and rise into my ascension and truth, rather than try to get the power and permission to be that person from outside myself.
You have the power to do the same.
Speaking of which, my global You Can Thrive One-Day Workshop is all about that. It’s about you rising into your truth as a sovereign being disconnected from all of this rubbish of being manipulated and mined and abused by False Selves posing as good people.
I can’t wait to co-generate your enlightenment and breakthrough with you.
And as always, I look forward to answering your comments and questions below.