Abuse & Neglect Recovery: 3 Keys to Overcoming Self-Blame
In this video, the followup to Narcissistic Parenting: 8 Common Effects www.youtube.com/watch?v=4CR4rzSs3jc, I address some of your questions about about how to recover, by describing 3 keys to overcoming chronic self-blame:
1) Recognize abuse: getting stuck, without support, in an abusive relationship is a recipe for chronic self-blame. Seeing the signs for what they are–and getting help leaving if the abuse doesn’t stop–are crucial to breaking out toxic cycles of self-criticism. For more, see www.psychologytoday.com/blog/romance-redux/201303/why-do-people-stay-in-abusive-relationships
2) Break your isolation: it’s difficult to see through cloud that envelops you when you’re raised by a narcissistic parent. It’s even more difficult if your trauma drives you into isolation as an adult–or worse, an abusive partner forces you further into silence. You need supports to see what’s wrong. You need people who can say, “You deserve better; I’m so sorry s/he did that to you.” More often than not, we need someone else to who can see through the fog with us.
3) Recognize your disappointment. Chronic self-blamers, often echoists, bury their disappointment because they’ve learned that voicing it may threaten their relationships–or even their lives. In place of justifiable anger and disappointment, self-blame begins to flourish. We trade our self-esteem for a sense of hope, convinced that it’s only by improving ourselves that we can ever truly feel loved (and safe).
To learn more about recovery and more easily spot even subtle narcissism at the start of a relationship, read my internationally acclaimed book, Rethinking Narcissism. tinyurl.com/j4t7hmh
BARNES & NOBLE: www.barnesandnoble.com/noresults/9780062348104