When Narcissists Are Hurting The People You Love … How Do You Help Them?
So many of you have often asked me, how can I help my child who is now isolated and controlled by the narcissistic spouse?
Or maybe your sister, brother or dear friend is hopelessly enmeshed with a narcissist abusing them at work, in a love relationship or even in a friendship.
You may be beyond concerned that the person you care about isn’t waking up to this and seems to be slipping further and further away from you.
Maybe you have grandchildren that you don’t see anymore because of a narcissistic in-law.
How can you help the person you love who is deeply in the clutches of narcissistic abuse?
In today’s TTV episode I explain to you the only way I know that works and does work to help your loved ones recover from this.
But before we get started on this episode, I’d like to thank each and every one of you who have subscribed to my channel and supported the Thriver Mission. If you haven’t yet done so please do, and also give this episode a thumbs up if it resonates with you.
Okay, so now on to this very important information.
The Deeper and Necessary Understanding of Quantum Law
There is nothing more heartbreaking than seeing the people whom we love suffer. There is nothing more frustrating and unjust than seeing them ripped away from us by a pathological narcissist.
What is doubly frustrating is the more we try to talk sense to the person we love, the more they can pull away from us and even side with the narcissist.
You may be agonising over why this is happening, but what I always like to do is to just get down to the pure truth of things – which is this:
Whichever way we are powerfully emotionally vibrating about anything (including somebody we care about), is exactly the experience that we will have in our personal experience.
Let me put it to you simply. If you feel that someone in your life is being emotionally smashed, abused and isolated from you, then that is the experience you will continue to Quantumly generate in your life.
This is especially true if you see this person as broken and powerless.
Now, before you think that I am blaming you for the experience that they are having, please hear me out. I am not blaming you in any shape or form, I am just explaining how energetic law and true manifesting takes place.
It is a human and beautiful part of our nature to deeply care for, be concerned about and have compassion for those whom we love. Yet, when you understand Quantum Law, you will realise that this is not necessarily helping those you love get better and get away from toxic circumstances.
Rather, it contributes to them being deeply stuck.
To truly help those you love requires a deeper understanding of Quantum Law, which I am beyond inspired to share with you. In order to be able to help, you need to know the actual steps to Quantumly – which means for real – help the person who is not, at this point, helping themselves.
So, let’s dive in and get started.
Step Number One: Acceptance
The greatest barrier to us trying to change our life experience, including the experience of others we care about, is resistance to what is happening in the present moment.
Of course, from the human perspective, we judge what is happening to them as ‘wrong’. Yet, by doing so, we are not understanding the grand design deeper truth of their soul’s evolution and journey.
I personally believe 100% that there is a reason for ‘all of it’, meaning that anyone’s personal evolution is about calling forth and participating in the experiences that are going to make their unconscious programs conscious, and lead them inwards to healing and resolving what is necessary in order to generate a different life experience.
That is exactly what happened to us regarding our own narcissistic abuse which then led us to entering and activating our Thriver Recovery.
When you can take the evolutionary high road of understanding that what your loved one is going through is a necessary transaction for their own personal awakening and evolution, then your deepest wish is not so much for that experience to be removed or brought to an end, but for their soul to awaken and become empowered, self-loving and self-defining within the experience.
And, when you truly love another, then you will bless the experience and not make it so personally about yourself.
How often have we wanted to try to force somebody to change in order for us to feel better?
Usually, if we are honest with ourselves, this is the case. It is understandable and even intensely loving towards others, yet it defies getting a positive result from Quantum Law, as much as trying to defy a natural law such as gravity would be.
It is impossible to generate a change in your life experience by trying to change something outside of you, including somebody you love, in order for you to feel better.
What is much more likely to happen as per Quantum Law – so within, so without – is that this person you are trying to rescue from their situation will supply you more evidence of the inner emotional experience that you are already having. Namely, them not being well.
There is only one way to change your experience of anything or anyone, and that is to find the way to feel better about ‘what is’ so as to create the base foundation to go emotionally inward to then create a different experience that will spill out and have an influence on the outer experience.
This starts with acceptance.
A powerful mantra that you can say often in regard to this person who is being abused by a narcissist is, ‘I bless and accept your experience as sacred. No matter what it looks like, I know that it is offering you the highest possible evolutionary path that your soul yearns for.’
Step Number Two: Shifting Your Emotional Response
You have to know that trying to go in and change things, whilst you feel devastated for this person, is not going to work.
If anything, you run the risk of pushing them further away from you and more into the arms of the abuser.
There is a better way to deal with this, and the great thing is that it is activated by working on the only person that you do have the power to change – yourself. And, you can be totally available for this mission.
This is how it works …
By fully understanding and accepting that the way that you create change for yourself and others you care about, is by changing yourself. This doesn’t mean changing the way that you interact with them, even though this is a natural by-product of this … rather it means completely changing your inner emotional composition about this person and what they are going through.
Let me explain to you what I mean with this example.
A NARP member called Gail was devastated that her daughter who was married to a narcissist, was becoming more and more isolated from her and the rest of the family.
To add insult to injury, Gail’s daughter had three children under the age of ten whom Gail adored. Her ability to visit her grandchildren was getting reduced, as she continually received opposition and excuses. Gail knew that her daughter was being twisted and turned against her and her husband by her daughter’s husband.
Gail wrote into me asking me what she could do. I related to her the only solution I have ever known to work. I invited Gail to join NARP and start using the healings to target the traumas in her body regarding what her daughter was going through and how it was impacting Gail.
Gail put in the hard work with NARP and kept moving these terrible traumas in her body and shifting them out, until peace replaced the previous fear and anxiety.
Gail reached the place which we all do, on any topic in our life, when we work with the Quanta Freedom Healing processes of NARP; where the trauma was released, truth entered.
Gail realised that her daughter was going through a soul growth lesson with this man, and she also realised that everybody involved including the children, herself and the family were also going through their own personal evolution as a result of this.
Gail knew that her true power to assist in this solution was to accept that everything was in perfect and divine order, and then to powerfully contribute by shifting herself to ‘feel’ and ‘know’ that her daughter had an infinitely wise Inner Being who could also wake up to the truth.
The more Gail did this work, the more she was able to let go and allow, and keep working on herself to hold her daughter in this emotional vibration.
What happened next is what happens next in virtually every circumstance – Gail’s daughter approached her only a few weeks later. She asked her mother for help to take herself and the children in because she was divorcing her husband.
The spell had been broken.
Gail’s daughter also started working with NARP so as to detox the narcissistic husband out of her system, parent and create healthy powerful boundaries. By doing this, he lost the advantage of her previous fear to abuse her with. She also set up powerful parallel parenting plans.
I know 100%, because I’ve seen it happen so many times in other people’s lives as well as in my life with my own son Zac, that if Gail had stayed in the same emotional devastation that she was previously in, none of this would have happened.
If you want your life to change regarding the people you love, then you need to become the change that you seek, from the inside out.
Step Number Three: Replace Blame and Resentment With Love
One of the most vital transitions you need to go through to help the people whom you love is to stop blaming and shaming them. It’s very common and of course understandable, to be angry and upset with this person you love for turning their back on you or siding with the narcissist against you.
Many people get confused regarding boundaries versus resentment. To help somebody awaken and re-enter your life, and their own life healthily, you must engage the power of love. Which means seeing and holding them in love without any personal hurt of your own being involved.
You may have to work really hard at this with NARP in order to shift out all vestiges of blame, resentment and hurt.
Remember, love heals, resentment hinders.
This does not mean drop your boundaries. If the person whom you love is infiltrating and damaging your boundaries, then enforce them, lovingly and directly and honestly.
That is what real love does. You are not loving another honestly by forfeiting your boundaries and hurting yourself to try to make them happy or love you. That’s a false love economy.
Let me share with you the following example.
Don is another NARP member who was doing the inner work regarding his son being in business with a very toxic narcissist determined to keep him away from Don and the family.
Yet, his son would come to Don to borrow money because of his business losses. The interactions went like this, every few months or so Don’s son made contact, but it was only about money. At all other times, he refused to be in contact with the family.
Before working with NARP, Don used to grant money to his son to try to stay in contact, yet after working with NARP and losing his trauma about what was happening with his son, Don started saying ‘No’.
Predictably all contact stopped and was unanswered when Don and his wife would reach out.
However, Don kept working with NARP as instructed to release all his guilt and obligation and trauma and just kept bringing in the highest possibility of resolution, which was his son awakening into his own infinite inner wisdom, thus evolving beyond the abuse.
It’s what happened – Don’s son left his business partner, returned to the family fold and started taking legal action against the narcissist.
Having to Work With This Differently
Until you understand Quantum Law, you may think that what I am talking about is some new-age fluffy theory.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
Our own awakening is to realise how intrinsically and powerfully our own emotional energy is connected to the entire field; especially to those we are bonded to through love.
I know that so many of you in the community are reporting to me that you are really ‘getting it’. There is such a big difference between receiving information and fully embodying it as truth. The latter is what grants you power.
If you are really getting this, I want you to pause this video and write below ‘the cells of my body really get this!’
Until now you may not have realised that through your care and concern you have actually been adding to the situation rather than resolving it. This is why you need to learn to go about this in a different way, and I know that you will be stunned and shocked (beautifully) when you start working at this from the inside out.
In the only way that can truly work – Quantumly.
I can’t recommend enough becoming a NARP member to help those who you love. The wonderful by-product is that, not only will you discover how much you can genuinely assist them, you will also discover your own unlimited expansion, resolutions and breakthroughs that previously only seemed to be a life dream.
To become a NARP member click this link.
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Also, please share this episode with those you know who are agonising over what is happening to the people they love.
As always, I look forward to answering your comments and questions below.