The Ego Loves Pain And It Doesn’t Want You To Heal

The Ego Loves Pain And It Doesn’t Want You To Heal


Do you feel like your victim thoughts and emotional pain are all-consuming at times?

Can you come up with every reason NOT to do the inner work that you know you need to do?

I believe this is the work of our EGO.

Yet … is it true that our ego is an issue?

Don’t we really need a personal identity, an EGO, that is functional?

There are many different opinions and versions on this – but today I give you my version about ego – which is completely NOT watered down at all. (I’m not holding back.)

The information I am about to share with you is exactly the same stuff

I smacked myself between the eyes with (in a good way) that got me up and out of my pain and self-sabotaging patterns, into a more glorious recovery and way of living than I ever knew was possible.

And, it is my deepest wish that this Thriver TV episode will deliver the same results for you!



Video Transcript

I know that there is a ton of differing opinions about the ego, including that our ego identity is a good thing, and some people believe it’s necessary to have an ego to be self-actualised and successful in the world.

Most of us (my generation anyway) know the Skyhooks song ‘Ego is not a dirty word.’

Of course, I honour all theories, as I am merely here to share my own. I guess it all totally depends on what you identify as ‘ego’.

I’m going to give you my take on ‘ego’ today. What I believe our ego is, how it affects us and, even controversially, how I believe it enmeshes us with narcissists and how we are much happier, successful and effective human-beings living without it.

And how, if our ego is running our lives, the possibility of change, healing and evolution is virtually nil.

That statement right from the get-go may trigger something significantly within you. That’s okay, it’s to be expected. It’s what our ego does.


The Painful Ego Illusions

Let’s look at the ego as well as the trauma it creates.

This is how the ego (False Self) makes its manoeuvers. If you are feeling ‘no good’ ‘small’ and ‘empty’, it convinces you to go after a ‘feed’ from something outside of you to try to feel better.

Please know I am not judging you. These beliefs of needing something from the outside are a part of our programmed human condition. I used to have these beliefs firmly entrenched in my Inner Being, as so many of us have.

And because it was all we knew, and what our parents were programmed with as well, and what they demonstrated to us and continued to teach us, this was our ‘normal’. Without realising it we carried feelings of being defective and shameful at some level, and certainly, worthiness, deservedness and knowing we were loved and lovable as we were, was not the typical embodied curriculum.

From this state of inner emptiness, we felt we needed someone else ‘loving’ or ‘approving’ of us, or some sort of acquisition, lifestyle or acclaim in order to be okay and whole.  Yet, we may not have awakened to the truth that our neediness for fulfilment from the outside makes our lives dreadfully conditional and precarious.

If something doesn’t turn out as expected, then we remain empty, and we cling to people and situations trying to force them to be our source of the good stuff, that we can’t and don’t generate ourselves, so we can’t dare to risk losing them.

Your ego convinces you it has your best interests at heart, and it will secure for you what you need to survive. However, what is really happening is it keeps you disconnected from durable happiness and wholeness, as well as covertly, behind the scenes, generating disturbing, painful and transient events in your life continuously.

And as we go through this video, I will explain how it does this.

Yep, it truly is that sneaky.

No different to cigarettes convincing you they are your friend helping you calm down and feel more secure, even though they are destroying you.

Or narcissists making out they are exactly what you have been dreaming of, but are your worst nightmare instead.

And, because relief through obtaining the things that our ego tells us we need to go after and rely on, is transient and constantly under threat, we are very prone to engage in other acts of neediness, namely addictions.

The problem is, because of the Quantum Law of ‘so within, so without,’ hungry, empty people make the worst shoppers, they pick junk. If we have not discovered how to become our True Self, instead of allowing our False Egoic Self to run our lives, we are very prone to choosing unhealthy substances, people and habits to try to fill a hole that can never be filled with False Sources.

Another of the most self-destructive ego beliefs that harm us is: ‘You are NOT as how God/Source/Creation views you – truly loved and worthy beyond measure, simply because you exist’.

Your ego is a product of how mankind programmed you to be stuck in petty lower vibrational realities. The ego believes in defectiveness and scarcity and separateness from Source, that Life is hard, and that you must prove yourself and your worthiness, and fight to get your share, and there is not enough love and support to go around.

The ego purports, ‘If I don’t get (whatever it is) from (whoever it is), someone else will take what’s mine’.

Then, due to Quantum Law ‘so within, so without,’ the Life that you are creating as your self-generative reality supplies the evidence to convince you that your ego is right which entrenches you in its hold even more.


The Ego’s Food Source

In the context of my belief about ego, I call it a False Self. Your ego is your Painbody. It’s the internal narcissist addicted to pain and pushing you to go for more pain. Your ego is your self-saboteur.

These three visionary’s commentaries regarding the ego come to mind. The late and amazing Wayne Dyer termed the acronym EGO as ‘edging god out’, Eckhart Tolle talked in length about the Ego Self as ‘the Painbody’ in his famous book ‘The Power of Now’, and Paul Levy wrote his incredible book ‘Wetiko’ which is about the human psychic virus (the ego) that is destroying mankind.

I align with all these theories. ‘Wetiko’ especially made me really sit up and take notice. I even wrote a blog post about this book it moved me so much.

Wetiko is the illusion of denying, ‘I am responsible for my own personal experience’ which as we know with narcissists, they certainly aren’t. Their egoic defenses are so formidable that according to the narcissist their reactions, behaviour and life is always someone else’s fault and doing.

As victims of narcissistic abuse, caught in the trauma of narcissists lashing out and hurting us, we need to be aware that we can be struck down with the identical virus. This happens if we choose to keep the unspeakable trauma of abuse trapped within us, hang on to it and hold others responsible for it, rather than devoting to healing ourselves from it.

This is the disease of ego unconsciousness where healing, change, and evolution for us and our future generations becomes impossible. Then the disease infects more and more people that we also contaminate.

Perpetrators and victims both do this. Check out this resource of mine to see how this is so: The Narcissist And The Co-dependent – Two Sides Of The Same Coin. 

We may not realise that the cells in our body get physically addicted to our pain (trauma). Check out this resource of mine to find out more about this: What It Means To Be Addicted to A Narcissist And How To Break Free From It.

That is the ego getting its way and continuing to lead us down a path that supplies it with its egoic supply – more pain.

This is no different to the traps and turns that narcissists take us down to get their drug of choice, narcissistic supply.


True Source Versus Egoic Source

Let’s look at the goal point which is being an actualised, healthy, happy, successful human being. The greatest component I believe to be this person is to be tapped in and tuned into something bigger than yourself.

Please don’t confuse this as a religious concept because my statement of this is not denominational. What I mean by this is being connected to our Higher Self, which is whatever version a Higher Power is to you. You may call this God, Creation, Lifeforce, The Universe, or Your Superconscious. To me this is the force of Higher Consciousness that moves through everything, granting it life and form.

This Higher Consciousness can ‘create’ and ‘arrange’ Life in symphonic perfection, ways that our logical mind can’t even formulate let alone execute.

When we have enough of our fearful and needy ego out of the way, we have space for this Lifeforce, this Higher Power, to enter us. This is when we start getting flourished and nourished beyond our wildest dreams, as well as enter a consciousness that is organically wise, aligned and ‘knowing’ of a bigger picture than our previous limited and fearful self couldn’t assimilate.

We know if we are aligned because it feels so good and the pain and fear goes and is replaced with peace. From this place we are guided and supported in ways we never knew before, leading to the divine birthright of wholeness and truth that was always ours to have.

How do you become actualised as this Bigger more expanded True Self? By clearing and living free of enough trauma that the True Source, this Higher Power, can flow through you as you. When you are no longer trying to change outside circumstances, and instead release the trauma generating your fears and limitations from inside of you, then you have a whole heap of available energy no longer tied up in survival, that is free now for inspired creation.

Inspired creation means The Field (The Outer Universe connected to your Inner Universe) is on your side. Not only are you directed through inspirational and intuition to the realisation of your expansiveness, you also have Life itself meet you with opportunity, abundance, and miracle.

All of it is connected.

In the egoic self, trying to control things logically, you are snapped off from inspiration and intuition, and the Field is not responding favourably to you. Opportunity doesn’t come, more trauma masquerading as solutions do instead.


How Your Ego Stops You Healing

The ego knows that it gets to keep you in pain and running the show if you never release the inner painful egoic beliefs. These painful false beliefs are the smaller, vulnerable, hurt inner parts of you that believed you were never good enough, and unworthy or undeserving, just as yourself, and that you are unsupported and on your own.

Here you have in a nutshell the programmed ‘shame’ of being human.

You know when someone is taken over by their ego – their ego viciously defends these inner, vulnerable parts. The ego would rather leave or annihilate anyone who goes near them than risk them being found, healed and reinstated.

Why? Because if they are, the ego can’t survive within a terrain of ‘healed to wholeness’ peace, love and truth, no more than a destructive virus can survive within a clean, healthy environment.

The ego, to survive, needs to keep you trapped as the victim, looking outwards and making every reason you are hurting exclusively about something outside of you. Then you will fruitlessly try to demonise and change everything and everyone else, rather than work with the only entity you could EVER change and heal – yourself.

If you never go inside and heal and release yourself from your ego’s deadly hold on you, you can’t escape it.


What Happens When We Release Our Ego?

When we purposefully do the essential inner work to get out of our trauma and false beliefs, we are starving our ego of its food. As it starves, it loses power, and dissolves out of our experience, no different to a narcissist who we detach and heal from and stop feeding energy to.

As our ego dissolves, at first we feel like we are dying, because when we stop clinging, fearing, formulating and trying to control our life, and let go and let a Higher Power take over instead, it can be terrifying.

We feel like we are horribly unsafe and will be annihilated. We feel like we have lost ‘our self’, yet the ego was an imposter, it was never our True Self anyway.


What Happens When We Live Without Our Ego and Are Connected To True Source

The more we dissolve our ego, the more we start to feel the truth that was always coded into our DNA – it is just we were all trained out of it.

We get real and start to live authentically without fear.

We hold within us peacefulness and powerfulness simultaneously.

We have access to a higher consciousness of intuition, wisdom, synchronicity, and miracle which are all gateways to assistance and support from The Field that we didn’t have previously.

We connect to the abundant, fertile, soul-gratifying trajectories and missions that we were snapped off from previously.

We are free to enjoy processes and the journey without being needy on outcomes. We are open to The Field delivering in ways that far exceed our expectations, or capacity to create … and it does.

We are connected to the self-responsibility at True Source level which is the checking into, understanding and working on our Inner Universe in order to harness our Highest Potential within and without.

Mostly, I believe, as the greatest personal joy I have ever discovered to live this way is: we are free to be ourselves, regardless of what anyone else is or isn’t doing. It’s then that we find that the love and acceptance from Life and others reflected the love and acceptance that we have established within all along.

We thought that we were always having to defeat people and things outside of ourselves to survive and be happy and fulfilled, yet this was the greatest illusion of all. We were merely and magnificently having to learn to overcome ourselves, those parts of us keeping us separated from our True Self and our True Life – namely the internal narcissist, our ego.

If this deeply resonates, and you know that your ego has a hold on you, and you have had enough of going around the same painful cycles over and over, including narcissistic abuse which is a terrible addiction that our ego loves us to be ensnared in, then I’d love to hold your hand and help you break free.

The starting point is here: signing up to my 16-day free course, which has a ton of healing resources for you that will lead you up and out of the ego illusion and into your True Self and True Life.

And … I’d love you to share with me what you believe about ego and what your experience is with it below.