How the narcissist will use the corona virus to their advantage

How the narcissist will use the corona virus to their advantage

At the time of writing this (10th March 2020), the corona virus is on the edge of becoming a global pandemic.  We have individuals stockpiling toilet roll and hand gel. COBR (Cabinet Office Briefing Rooms) meetings here in the UK are issuing guidance almost on a weekly basis and it’s overtaken Brexit as the most talked about thing in 2020.


Whilst this is a serious health concern (and potentially economic one) I wanted to look at how the narcissist will use this to their advantage because, let’s face it, they love drama and this is fast becoming a Hollywood film plot.


Be the hero


Narcissists have two public persona’s – hero or victim.


We will look at the victim role in a moment but firstly let’s see how they can be the hero.


Despite the guidance currently being issued, the narcissist will be pulling the “it’s not safe for the children to come to contact” or “the children are anxious about catching the virus so they would prefer to stay here” cards.  So where do you stand on this?


Most parenting plans have some clause about illness but this is a unique situation.  The reality is that experts do not know enough about how it is spread therefore how best to protect the public and so the guidance is to wash your hands and reduce up close and personal interactions with the public.  


You are not the public.  And schools are still open.  So there should be no excuse for you not seeing your children.  Unless you have actually been confirmed as having corona virus, you are safe to interact with your children.


Also, children are the lowest risk because their immune systems are better than most adults, so they are safer than the majority of us!


Many of them will suddenly become the expert.  They know best. They will be able to tell you everything you need to know and have more insider knowledge than the CDC.  At work they may take on the role of “information distributor” which gives them power of who and what they tell. This is all in an effort to feel important.  

Be the victim


The covert narcissist loves nothing more than to be centre of attention and getting lots of sympathy.  The corona virus gives them the opportunity to post on Facebook about being “really worried as they feel terrible” or “can’t stop coughing, what should I do?”


All to illicit a wealth of “take care of yourself”/“hope you are ok” comments.  


At present there are 373 confirmed cases in the UK (numbers are rising by the hour) out of almost 30,000 people who have been tested.  The most at risk groups are the elderly and those with weak immune systems.  


I am not saying that narcissists won’t catch it but at the moment, the likelihood is, that they haven’t got it.  


Corona virus is scary and I have written this blog not to undermine that but rather to highlight how narcissists use and abuse such situations to their advantage.


What do you think?

The post How the narcissist will use the corona virus to their advantage appeared first on The Nurturing Coach.


mothers have an advantage in custody disputes

Do Mothers Have an Advantage in Custody Disputes?

mothers have an advantage in custody disputes


If you are going through a divorce, a primary concern is often your children and your child custody arrangements. It’s difficult for any parent to contemplate not having their children living with them all of the time, but it can be even more difficult for mothers who have a close bond with their children.

If you and your husband cannot come to custody terms that you both can sign off on, the court will need to decide the matter for you. While many people think that mothers have a natural advantage in such disputes, the truth is far more complicated. Understanding the basics related to child custody can help you navigate the process while standing up for your own parental rights.

Legal Custody

Custody is divided into two major concerns that include physical custody (related to with whom the children reside at any given time) and legal custody. It’s important to recognize that in the vast majority of divorces, both parents share legal custody, which refers to a parent’s rights to make important decisions on behalf of their children. These decisions include:

  • Matters related to your children’s health and well-being, such as medical care
  • Matters related to your children’s education
  • Matters related to your children’s religious upbringing

These are fundamental issues that shape your children’s lives, and it’s very likely that you and your divorced spouse will continue to make these important decisions together, although one parent is sometimes given tie-breaking authority.

Physical Custody

Physical custody relates to with whom your children reside primarily and to their visitation schedule with the other parent. While many people believe that mothers have an advantage when it comes to physical custody, this really isn’t an accurate assessment in many cases.

Do Mothers Have an Advantage in Custody Disputes?

The Court’s Stance

If you and your divorcing spouse cannot come to mutually acceptable terms regarding your children’s custody arrangements, the court will intervene and make a determination of how you will split custody rights.

The court will always favor what is in the best interest of your children, but this is obviously open to interpretation, and it’s important to remember that the court has considerable discretion in the matter. You obviously know your children in a way that the judge never can, and you know what’s best for them.

Courts often favor the status quo when making child custody decisions. In other words, if the mother has been the primary caregiver and she and the children are living in the family home while the case is pending, the judge may be hesitant to upset the balance and may be more inclined to award the mother primary custody.

This is generally more a function of how things are commonly arranged than it is a function of favoring the mother or of the mother having an advantage in the matter.

The Considerations at Hand

In determining child custody arrangements, the court is guided by the children’s best interests, but in the process, it takes a wide range of variables into consideration, including:

  • The emotional connections between each parent and the children
  • Each parent’s ability to provide the children with a loving home and a healthy life
  • Any criminal history
  • Any history of domestic abuse – either physical, emotional, or sexual
  • Any substance abuse issues
  • Any pertinent parental considerations that could affect the decision, such as age or disability
  • The location of each parent’s residence (who lives closer to the children’s school, for example)

None of these issues are gender-specific and, as such, the court’s decision cannot favor the mother. Many mothers, however, are already providing primary custodial care, and courts are not fond of dramatically disrupting children’s lives when they’re already going through the emotional challenge of divorce. After all, divorce is hard on everyone, but children are especially vulnerable.

Your Children’s Voices

Many parents wonder if their children’s preferences will guide – or should guide – the court’s custody decisions. The fact is that many judges will speak to your children privately (especially older children) and will take their preferences into careful consideration, but the decision is simply not up to your children.

The court is making determinations related to your children’s custody exactly because they are children who need custodial care. When your children are adults, they’ll make their own important decisions, but for now, those decisions must be made for them. Your children’s voices, nevertheless, may help guide the court’s ruling.

Reaching a Resolution

If you’re going through a divorce, emotions are inevitably running high. The stress and heartache of divorce leave many couples unable to reach mutually agreeable terms on many important issues. Both of you, however, naturally put your children first, and if you can find a way to hammer out custody arrangements that you can both live with, the court and its considerable discretion won’t need to be involved in the process.

Reaching a compromise with your children’s father can come in many forms. If you aren’t able to work together personally (which isn’t uncommon), your attorneys can attempt to negotiate an arrangement, and you can also address the issue via mediation – with the legal guidance of your respective divorce attorneys.

The post Do Mothers Have an Advantage in Custody Disputes? appeared first on Divorced Moms.