Believing there are ‘lessons’ to be learned from narcissistic abuse can appear to be controversial and unlikely for some people.
I used to be horrified about believing that there was ANY lesson for me in my times of terrible breakdowns.
However, when I discovered and decided to fully embrace my lesson I was able to mine the gold out of the deepest darkest time of my life.
It is my greatest wish that the information in this video can start to do the same for you too.
Today’s Thriver TV episode is a truth bomb that I know can really help you.
It’s about understanding that your biggest breakdowns are in fact your biggest lessons. And I know that you may be opposed to the word “lessons” in this context.
But lessons learned are so worth it. They deliver us to a truly loving and prosperous life.
And that’s exactly what today’s TTV episode is all about.
But before we get started on this, thank you if you have subscribed to my channel. And if you haven’t yet, then please do, to become involved in supporting the Thriver Mission.
Alright, so let’s get going on today’s lesson about why our breakdowns are such incredibly valuable lessons.
The True Questions
When we don’t understand the lesson (a.k.a. the gift of the experience that we’re going through) we are stuck in questions of, “How can somebody do this?” and “How can somebody be so terrible?” But I really want you to know any question which is about “them” and is looking “out there” is not going to grant you salvation, healing or your breakthrough.
I have shared Pema Chodron’s famous quote so many times, “Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know”.
Narcissistic abuse is the total experience of being in the bowels of hell, rolling around with our greatest fears and traumas feeling completely powerless and paralysed. Usually, when we try to fight back and get out of it, we find that it doesn’t work.
The narcissist escalates their behaviour. We are shocked to discover that authorities and even family and friends can’t and don’t help us. In fact, it seems like everywhere we turn the narcissist is defeating us.
Our souls and lives are being ripped to shreds.
Yet, if you start to embrace the wisdom of Pema Chodron, you will enter a dimension of a higher truth – that at a Soul level this was meant to be.
And a release from this situation will only come for you when you have learned the lesson.
How do we know what the lesson is?
The lesson can only be revealed as a result of self-partnering.
When you take your focus off the narcissist and turn inwards and self-enquire with a question such as this, “What feelings are triggering me now that represent the parts of myself that I haven’t yet healed?”
Another way to term this question is, “What trauma is this person bringing up for me, that I have previously experienced in my life?”
This question is also powerful … “As an adult I can be responsible for my own Soul and Life. Therefore, why am I still handing away my power to others so that they may grant me love, approval, security and safety?”
I know it’s really scary to look at this stuff.
At first, when I was deeply victimised, I was horrified by any questions like these, because there was no way I wanted to think I needed healing because clearly, he was the one who was completely disordered.
But what I learned, on my life-and-near death journey, was that trying to force him to be accountable or obtain justice for what he had done to me, wasn’t happening, and my efforts weren’t healing me or granting me a fabulous life.
They just kept me so stuck in the trauma that it was nearly killing me.
And I was to discover that this was EXACTLY how it was meant to be.
It was only when I let go of trying to do all of that and turned inwards to self-partner that I connected with the only power in the situation – knowing the only person I could heal and change was me.
Once orientated in this essential partnering with self, I started to come out of complete desecration and move towards profound healing. Even more incredibly than I ever believed was possible.
Because I was embracing the lesson in my breakdown.
Which was … this is happening FOR me and not TO me, to help me understand the parts of myself that I deeply need to self-partner with and heal.
Your Breakdown is Your Signal
In a world of fear and judgement, we have been conditioned to traumatise ourselves even more during the traumatic times of our breakdowns.
Rather than embracing them, to hear what they have to teach us, we try to do everything to self-avoid our painful feelings, leading to our own precarious self-abandonment.
I love these analogies which I have shared often – if you had a car and its engine was grinding you wouldn’t just keep driving it and pretend it’s not happening. Doing so would be at the peril of your motor dying.
If you had a roof that was leaking you wouldn’t ignore it, because your whole roof could cave in and destroy all of your home and belongings.
Yet, when we start to feel painful emotions and go through difficult and tumultuous experiences with others, we don’t go to the root of the problem.
Let’s go back to the car. Depending on the problem, something in the engine may need adjusting, or even replacing.
In regards to the roof, it may need some serious reinforcement so that it can have integrity again.
Identically, when we receive the signals of our painful emotions, we may have inner beliefs that require adjusting or even replacing, so that we don’t continue being enmeshed with people who hurt us.
And, it may be time to get very clear about our rights, values and limits and lay powerful boundaries which say, “No more!”
Yet, our human conditioning has been about missing the lesson. It’s been about wrestling with people and trying to change and fix them and force them into being the people who will make us feel safe, loved and happy.
By looking out at the narcissist and learning all about him or her, and not doing anything about addressing the lesson you are meant to learn for yourself, your own evolution and consequent relief is impossible.
What is the Lesson?
This is the lesson that myself and so many other Thrivers have embraced; to ultimately have a direct path through to our emancipation, liberation and freedom from abuse as well as all of the horrible symptoms that go with it, mentally, emotionally, directly and financially.
“This actually isn’t about you. You were only a catalyst. It’s about me. It’s about me becoming a self-generative force whereby I can now finally self-partner, release and heal myself. By releasing the trauma of you and my previous experiences, as well as the false beliefs that have been impregnated within me regarding myself, life and others, I will become a whole person regardless of what anybody else is or isn’t doing. Then I will no longer choose or remain with people in my life who don’t add to my self-generative wholeness. I will let them go and allow them to live life according to their own beliefs and truth. And I will be free to choose and participate with the people and situations who will add to my already established wholeness.”
That’s the entire lesson of narcissistic abuse.
How Bad Does it Have to Get?
Our soul has one grand purpose. To evolve us. To bring us home to Love and Truth. Which means releasing us from the trauma that is the human condition so that we can claim our True Self and True Life.
When you become Who You Really Are (living your life with reduced trauma) you naturally know how to generate your life in a way that works.
Our Soul and Life, acting in concert are always ingeniously generating the validity of our present existing beliefs, and supplying us with the evidence of those as per our emotions and real life events.
In essence, as Buddha famously said, “If you want to know what is going on in your inner world, look at your outer world”.
When you self-partner and go inwards to do the deep Quantum reprogramming of your Inner Being, you will start to understand that it is the painful and funky feelings on any topic in your life that are letting you know that your inner programming isn’t aligned with what you really want.
It means that you have sustained traumas that are still wedged within you, on these topics.
If we have taken on or experienced trauma in our past lives, generational histories, childhoods and as adults (they are in repeat if unhealed) then we will have absorbed the emotional beliefs of, “love equals pain”, “the people who love me hurt me”, “I am not good enough to be loved” and so much more.
These emotional beliefs generate the validity of themselves to the letter. We will choose and be chosen by the people and situations that represent them.
And this hurts, profoundly. We are ripping these traumas open over and over again and adding to them. They become increasingly compounded and toxic until we reach our breakdown.
Which is exactly what narcissistic abuse is – the highest lesson to let us know that it’s time to heal.
For myself personally, I didn’t turn inwards and start self-partnering until I nearly died. I was left with only the last bit of my Life Force. That’s how bad it got for me. It’s my greatest desire and mission to help other people turn inwards to heal before it gets to that point.
Because it’s not easy to come back from that.
How to Apply the Lesson
The first step is to accept that this is happening “for” you and not “to” you. This is the opportunity to let go of the false person and false life that you have been living with him or her.
Your subconscious is a powerful generator that organises the trillions of chemical and electrical processes in your body that keep you healthy and alive. These are things that your logical brain can’t comprehend let alone execute.
It’s important to understand that this almighty powerhouse is directing your life, beneath the conscious surface of what you know as your reality. Your connections, attractions, interactions, and manifestations are a direct hit of your inner belief systems, on any given topic.
There truly is nothing else to do, if you want to heal for real, other than face and release every inner part of you that is inflicted with the beliefs that match the trauma this person is bringing to your life.
The absolute truth is this – the narcissist is the living evidence of your already existing internal traumas.
I want you to know that being impregnated with trauma is not your fault.
It’s an unfortunate, sad and brutal part of the human experience. Our ancestors carried an enormous amount of trauma. We were brought up by people who were still holding onto their own unresolved trauma. As children, we had no resources to be able to release ourselves from trauma, let alone extricate ourselves from the people who delivered it to us.
But as adults, we can take power back. We can accept the lesson. We can make good of it.
We can fight the good fight.
We can emerge victorious from these old breakdowns, by taking the lesson and turning it into the grandest newest breakthrough that we’ve ever experienced.
And we can lead the way for others and our future generations to do so as well.
The following is the glory of this lesson – one person at a time, we can heal, and change humanity in our world.
And, now, as a result of Quantum Tools, it is totally possible for us to do so. No longer does healing from narcissistic abuse have to take years or decades. We have a straight-line path to be able to achieve it now.
If this episode deeply resonates with you, I can put you in direct contact with how to actualise your breakthrough today.
So, to sign off, I hope that this truth today, as hard as it is, has helped truly set you free.
And as always I look forward to answering your comments and questions below.