Narcissistic abuse is mind and soul bending and many people are shocked at how hard it is to recover and reclaim your mind, body and life.
Obsessive thoughts can continually haunt them so they feel like they have been taken over by a hideous emotional virus.
In today’s Thriver TV episode, I explain how this happened, as well as how to take your power back to not only emerge from this as healed, whole and vibrant …
But also, completely inoculated against this ever happening to you again in the future.
Narcissistic abuse is mind and soul bending.
Being hit by a narcissist is akin to being hit by a freight train. So many people are shocked to discover that they simply cannot get up off the ground and just get on with life anymore.
I know that is likely to have been your experience as well.
And, it is terrifying how much your brain feels scrambled.
The obsessive thoughts continually haunt you and you feel like you have been infected with a hideous emotional virus that literally takes over your nervous system and ability to function.
In addition to this, so many areas of your life may be under siege and falling apart.
Narcissists commonly destroy people’s lives and literally rip them to pieces emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually and financially. The effects of this also impact everyone and everything that is dear to you.
This is a total breakdown experience that no one could even begin to imagine unless they have been through it themselves.
Alright, so before we delve deeper into exactly how narcissists destroy your life, as well as how you can recover from this, I want to thank all of you for supporting my Thriver Mission.
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Now let’s go deeper with this information today.
How Do Narcissists Get In?
Narcissists are highly skilled at infiltrating your mind, emotions, soul and life.
How do they do this?
I really hope that you are ready to hear this with openness and the desire to heal from narcissistic abuse for real. Because the truth really does set us free, when we accept it.
100% I validate that narcissists are predators who are on the lookout for sources of supply, meaning they are after what they can take from people. And it is shocking what they do. Yet, it is a fallacy that a narcissist can abuse just anybody.
As was the case in my life, and so many others, we did not, as yet, have a solid enough Inner Identity to have powerful boundary function. Meaning the ability to trust ourselves, speak up, say no when necessary, and be emotionally whole and powerful enough to do the necessary due diligence before letting somebody into our life.
This provided a way in. It was a crack in our integrity of self. Narcissists are skilled at identifying where your boundaries aren’t solid and capitalising on this.
This is how narcissists do this – they sum you up and they fact find. They know how to discover what it is that you feel still hurts in your life, what is missing, or whatever it is that you believe you can’t generate for yourself.
Now, all the narcissist has to do is position themselves as the granter or saviour of this “missing piece”. Then we feel like we can trust them. Then we even feel like we need them. We may even feel like this is the person we’ve been waiting for our entire life.
This creates a powerful chemical connection to this person.
This is one of the most confronting things that I had to face myself. Yet, it was what finally emancipated me from not just the trauma of my abuse symptoms but granted me the confidence and power to know I would never allow abuse in the future.
What were my susceptibilities, fears and insecurities that made me a prime target for narcissists, and allowed them to get in through my boundary gaps?
The following … I was too trusting of people. I didn’t do my necessary due diligence to firmly ascertain their true character before letting them into my heart, bed, body, businesses and finances.
I was scared of backing my inner warning bells and having the difficult conversations that meant that I might be susceptible to people reacting to my questioning, or boundaries, or rights, meaning that they could reject, abandon or punish me for speaking up.
So many people who have been soul penetrated by narcissists have also carried the fears of C.R.A.P.
I am certainly not alone!
The members of this community, who have become successful Thrivers, have also done their inner inventory and devoted the time and effort to heal up those parts of themselves, like my own, that made them highly susceptible to unscrupulous people who did not have their best interests at heart.
A dear friend of mine, Cheryl, also suffered some “gaps” that narcissists were able to slip into her life through. Because she didn’t believe she could be safe and uphold boundaries on her own, unconsciously (like so many of us) she wanted somebody big, strong and assertive to do that for her.
As a result, the people who came into her life, were not a rock for her, they turned out to be a hammer instead.
These people were not relieving Cheryl of her inner insecurities, rather they brought her the evidence of them.
It’s so important to understand that this doesn’t mean Cheryl was blaming and shaming herself for being abused, just as she wasn’t excusing narcissistic behaviour.
Rather it granted her the true solution!
By realising this susceptibility, this granted her the personal power to heal these parts of herself to stop handing power over to people who were hurting her. After healing these parts, Cheryl discovered that she no longer felt any attachment or a need to try to change these people, so that they would love and care for her.
Rather, she felt a complete disconnect from them, and absolutely no desire to be with them anymore.
Thus, breaking free into a completely different love and relationship trajectory.
Cheryl is now in a relationship with a beautiful man, who reflects back to her the care, love and power that she has now been able to take full responsibility for and establish within herself. By becoming her own rock, she received the matching partner.
We may not have realised the following, because it has been our “normal” – that we may have unconsciously been trying to get somebody to love us to take away the pain.
Yet, as a match for our unhealed Inner Being, they were only ever going to supply more of the same pain.
This is what narcissists do.
How We Have Been Programmed to Be Exploited
The sensible, healthy adult thing is to do what Cheryl did, heal oneself up in order to achieve the healthy outcome – taking your time to get to know people before committing your emotions, soul and resources to them.
Sadly, so many of us have been indoctrinated into the “fairy tale illusion”. We have been conditioned to be emotionally reckless; believing that getting caught up in the moment is the right thing to do.
I often jokingly say that I used to put more effort into choosing a pair of shoes than a love relationship.
In many ways, this was true and very frightening!
I was incredibly susceptible to love bombing and someone purporting to be the provider of what I wanted. If a potential partner was tall, charismatic, and intelligent and seemed to empathise with me feeling unseen, unheard and unsafe, then I really used to believe that I’d hit the jackpot!
We believe in love at first sight! We believe in an instant bond with our soulmate!
But what we may not realise is these deep chemical attractions can be a deep inner part of us desiring the resolution of our childhood wounds. The wanting of our mother or father to do it differently than what they did.
Here is the grand dichotomy in all of this – the person who appears in our life, who we feel chemically bonded to, is offering the promise of taking away the pain of our unresolved childhood wounds. Yet, as it turns out, they end up being the person who delivers an even more severe level of the trauma of our childhood wounds.
At first, we are not initially awakened enough to realise what is really going on, and why we are experiencing such a powerful chemical hit and attraction. Generally, we simply fall straight into this relationship, because it feels so “right”.
Plus, people in your life are telling you to get out there and meet somebody new. You may feel the stigma of being un-partnered or unmarried. Maybe you feel like your biological clock is ticking away and you need to find somebody to settle down with to start a family.
Or maybe you have seen your ex-partner move on quickly and feel the desperate injustice that you haven’t been able to yet.
It is only conscious and evolving people who will tell you the truth. A healing hiatus is needed with yourself, to change your inner love code and the relationship patterns that have been playing out, so that you can go forward into life experiencing a completely different reality.
And what it takes is this: to become at one, whole and fulfilled within yourself first.
Sadly, our programming has always kept us separated from the taking back of our power with radical personal responsibility, to get out of this terrible pattern.
Rather, we have been programmed to be victims and blame people who have hurt us, and then try to change them so that they can love us healthily.
And, we can jump up and down and exclaim that it is disgusting that people behave like this. But in no way does this allow us to heal and get better and get out of these patterns. All it does is further entrench us in them.
And when it doesn’t work, we may try to find somebody else to take the pain away. And then discover that often we are falling into the same pattern and meeting the same person, just with a different face.
If you are sick and tired of these quick fixes which don’t provide durable happiness, you may be ready to understand that only one truth will suffice. You must turn inwards to heal your relationship with yourself, and only you can do that.
One of the benefits of narcissistic relationships, as brutal as they are, is that they bring us to our knees to realise this. And this is where personal catharsis can begin.
The real truth is, as adults we are responsible for our own boundaries, it is not anybody else’s job. We are not children anymore. If we hand our power away and blindly expect somebody else to look after our well-being, emotions, boundaries and life-force, then we are highly susceptible to being not just taken advantage of, but also horribly abused and even desecrated.
Such is the case with narcissistic abuse.
How The Damage Deepens
Because the narcissist purports to be the person who will finally love us like no other and grants us our wholeness, this creates a powerful and quick bond.
Sooner or later the mask will drop. The mirage can’t continue, and the narcissistic behaviour starts to appear.
Far from being the saviour of our deficiencies, insecurities or things in our life that we feel like we can’t generate for ourselves, the narcissist now switches and starts attacking these things.
So, the person who was loving, romantic and truly was seeing you and being there for you, now starts emotionally and literally criticising, rejecting, abandoning and punishing you.
He or she will start messing with your head and emotions and start sucking resources from your life. The entitlement becomes apparent; the relationship becomes less about you and so much more about what the narcissist is or isn’t getting.
By remaining attached, you will be trauma bonded beyond description, fighting with insanity trying to get sanity, safety and comfort. Yet, every time you try to force the narcissist to be healthy, they will line you up and damage you even more ferociously.
Now you’re on a sinking ship, trying to salvage what you can, whilst the toxic levels of trauma and stress in your being reach a critical mass, breaking down your nervous system health, sanity and emotional structures until you literally feel like you are crumbling.
Your capacity to be able to deal with virtually anything becomes severely diminished.
Narcissistic abuse, before awakening to the truth, is a one-way trip to your personal demise, on so many levels and can even become extremely dangerous for you personally, as well as seriously impacting those you love.
What is the lesson in this?
At the Quantum Truth level, the message is clear – “Let go and heal”, that’s what this soul contract was always about.
How To Reverse This
There is no way you can engage with a narcissist and get relief and emancipation from this.
True evolution from this is an inside job.
The narcissist is not your solution. You are, and this requires detaching, facing and doing the necessary healing within yourself.
This is a make or break deal.
If you really get this now and understand, please pause this video and write below, “I’m turning inwards to become my own true saviour now!”
This is vital, because the breakdown either continues and increases, or the breakdown transforms into an incredible breakthrough of personal evolution – where you can heal and claim your true essence which is: self-love, self-worth and the sanctity of your own soul, emotions and life.
I hope that this has helped you understand how the narcissist has, or does, rip your life apart, and has started to grant you the hope that there is a true solution to get up and out of this.
I really want you to know that there is a definitive way to heal and release yourself from all of the symptoms of narcissistic abuse, as well as never being susceptible to having your soul, heart and life torn to pieces again.
It is such a beautiful feeling when you realise that you have made it through to this level!
I can’t wait to help you get there!
I can’t recommend enough that you do this!
Because in this free event you will learn about the exact step-by-step process, which has proven successful for thousands of people from over 120 different countries, to help you make a full Thriver Recovery too.
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And as always, I look forward to your comments and questions below.