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How Co-Parenting Might Look This Summer Given Current Circumstances

Originally published by Bryce Hopson.

Summer season is fast approaching, and that would typically mean co-parents across the metroplex are gearing up for some significant changes to their daily schedules with kids staying home. In the current environment created by Covid-19 and social distancing, the summer of 2020 might look very different than those of the recent past. Nevertheless, with most counties slowly phasing back to a normal—or maybe “new normal” is more accurate—pace of life and business, the summer schedule remains.

There are numerous ways in which the possession schedule for summer months has been crafted into custody orders across the state. Some are standard and adopt the one-size-fits-all approach, while others are intricately unique and carefully tailored to fit the specific needs of a particular family.

What does the standard, one-size schedule look like?

The Standard Possession Order, crafted by our legislature and incorporated into the Texas Family Code, is a defined schedule delineating which parent is legally entitled to possession of a child, and it is presumed to be in the best interest of the child. Under the Standard Possession Order, one parent is designated with specific periods of possession, and the other parent is entitled to possession “at all other times not specifically designated” to the first parent.

The parent with designated periods during the school year is entitled to 30 days of possession time in the summer, which can be exercised consecutively or broken up into no more than two smaller periods of at least 7 days each if notice is provided to the other parent by April 15th (if not, the 30 days runs from July 1-31). The parent with designated periods will still get the regular 1st, 3rd, and 5th weekend periods that they normally have during the school year, but the Thursday periods go away in the summer.

If a 30-day block of time in the middle of the summer is impractical because of a parent’s work schedule, or a child’s summer activities, what options are available for a more customized approach to the summer schedule? Here are a few options that some parents have utilized when the circumstances called for more of a customized fit:

  • Week-on / Week-off: Alternating seven-day periods of possession has some advantages over the standard block schedule. It shares the load of additional childcare needs that comes when both parents are working and school lets out, and limits the span of time that the child goes without seeing the other parent. 30 days without seeing a 16 year old might not sound that bad (and in some cases, might serve as a needed relief), but it is typically more difficult to say goodbye to a 5 or 6 year old for such an extended period of time.

  • The “Quadrant” Schedule: This approach takes June and July and breaks them up into four quadrants. One parent gets the first half of each month, the other parent gets the second half of each month, and they rotate every-other year. Although the summer vacation schedule will generally run into the first couple weeks of August, this schedule has some clear advantages to a standard structure. It provides each parent with two opportunities to take extended trips and travel with the child—if you have the privilege of lasting memories of road trips to the Grand Canyon, summer nights on the beach, or sleeping under the stars next to a campfire, those are typically trips that take more than 7 days, and this schedule can make creating those memories much more available. It also has the benefit of avoiding the need for designating—and potentially arguing—over which weeks one parent wants to exercise. This schedule is set as soon as the order is signed, meaning you can start planning your summer vacation three years in advance if you feel like it!

  • Alternating Weeks with Extended Election: This schedule has the same general structure as the week-on / week-off, but it includes a carve out for each parent to extend one of their seven-day periods into a ten-day period. This gives added flexibility for those longer trips to visit Aunt Betty up in Brunswick or hop across the pond for a European Vacation.

At the end of the day, the schedule that has the best chance of working is the one that both parents agree upon and work together to come up with. And most importantly, crafting your summer schedule to be conducive with the child’s activities is crucial to ensuring a smooth, successful summer vacation.

 

The post How Co-Parenting Might Look This Summer Given Current Circumstances appeared first on Hance Law Group | Dallas Divorce & Family Lawyers.

Curated by Texas Bar Today. Follow us on Twitter @texasbartoday.



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Co-Parenting: Time to Mutually Agree to Save and Protect Your Children During Coronavirus Pandemic

Co-Parenting: Time to Mutually Agree to Save and Protect Your Children During Coronavirus Pandemic

Originally published by Nacol Law Firm.

Dealing with a worldwide medical pandemic and personally trying to stay alive and healthy is mentally changeling, but for parents who are divorced or have separate custody agreements and co- parent, it can be a disaster for the entire family. Hopefully, this Coronavirus Pandemic will be a short-lived life-threatening situation, but how the Co-parents cope with the problem could deeply impact their children’s emotional life.

In Texas, on March 13, 2020, the Texas Supreme Court issued an emergency order that divorced /single parents should go by the originally published school and visitation schedule in their current decree.  Since the last life-threatening pandemic in the United State was the Spanish Flu Pandemic of 1918, most divorce/ single parent agreements do not include a pandemic clause!

Do not be one of those parents who decides that they “are the decision maker” and drives away with the kids for an extended vacation to Grandma’s in Florida without telling the other parent. Or deciding that the family circle of trust does not include their Other Parent and refuses visitation or joint decision making.  These hasty, irrational decisions may seem reasonable in this time of national panic but consider the legal ramifications of violating an order.  Since all courts, in Texas, are now closed except for emergency litigation matters only, when the courts are fully operational again and the medical danger has passed, how will a violation of your current decree look to the Judge?  Judges always look to the needs of the child versus the unreasonable expectations of the parent. There will be serious ramifications against the violating parent.

Let’s look at some ideas on how co-parenting during this pandemic season can work the best for all family members and by joint agreement will save your both money that would normally go to legal fees.

Just remember that as co-parents your children are most important.  Your child has been told that they can’t see their grandparents because of their age and if infected by the coronavirus, may die. No school, no playing of sports, or playing with friends since they may be infected with a deadly virus and become very ill. Decide to cooperate as responsible co-parents to navigate the child to the new changes in their daily routines without a lot of stress and anxiety on the child.  By keeping the child calm and showing “a united family circle” the child will know that Mom and Dad are there for him/her.

Some areas of agreement should be that the child will have regular email, phone calls, FaceTime, Zoom visits, and texting with the other parent. The child needs to know that both parents are safe and interested in their wellbeing. Regular visitations times must be made available for the child to see each parent. Remember the child’s core circle of trust are his/her parents and siblings.

Another very serious matter is the decision of what will happen to the child if one parent becomes ill and cannot care for the child. The joint decision must be made by both parents and must ultimately be in the best interest for the child.

Custody disputes and circumstances that have totally changed in the last month. Just remember, co-parent cooperation is the best choice. There is no doubt that judges will be happy to hear that parents have worked together to meet their child’s best interest, by taking steps to protect the child’s health and safety.

This is a time for mutual give and take from both parents. No one is always right nor always wrong. In this upside crazy pandemic world, jointly trying to navigate your family to a better place will have its own rewards.

If, however, one parent unilaterally refuses to make fair agreements for the children or violates your custody orders, avoid retaliation and follow your decree orders faithfully. This Pandemic will pass, and most Judges will not treat lightly intense misconduct when the courts reopen.

Mark A. Nacol
The Nacol Law Firm P.C.
Dallas, Texas
(972) 690-3333

Click to open Copy of Texas Supreme Court Emergency Order on Child Custody Schedules during Coronavirus Pandemic. (pdf) 

Curated by Texas Bar Today. Follow us on Twitter @texasbartoday.



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4 Tips for Co-Parenting During COVID-19

4 Tips for Co-Parenting During COVID-19

During this time, I remind my children (and myself) that during a crisis- more so than at any other time- we are either part of the problem or part of the solution.

The post 4 Tips for Co-Parenting During COVID-19 appeared first on Divorce Magazine.

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co-parenting during coronavirus

Co-Parenting During The Coronavirus Crisis

co-parenting during coronavirus

 

During this unprecedented time of the Coronavirus and quarantines, many co-parents are finding themselves in un-charted territory with regards to their parenting plan and whether and how they should carry it out.

Here are some helpful hints for co-parenting during the coronavirus crisis:

Be open, communicative, creative and flexible!

This is a time like no other, so we need to be open, we need to be flexible, and we need to get creative and think outside the box.

If you have a parenting plan that is requiring something that can’t be done (or can’t be done safely at this time, like air travel), get creative. But first, communicate!

Reach out to the other parent and brainstorm. Can the visit be delayed, or time added onto the next visit? Can you do virtual visits with Zoom, Facetime or Skype where the kids can eat a meal, play a game or just chat with the other parent?

If you have a parenting plan that can be carried out, but you question the safety, communicate your fears. Research suggests that the Coronavirus is not generally dangerous for children, but reach out to your pediatrician if you are unsure or if your child has immune compromising factors and then discuss with your parenting partner.

Once again, communicate, be flexible and get creative!

If it is not advised to make frequent visits, perhaps the visit duration is lengthened, and the frequency is lessened. Or maybe you do a mix of virtual and in person visits, or meet in a safe outdoor space to go hiking, play soccer or be in nature together.

Do not operate out of fear

There is a huge amount of panic and fear surrounding this situation, which is bringing up deeply buried fear from past circumstances and triggering internal and external defense mechanisms of all kinds. Notice the space you are operating and making decisions from. If you are operating out of fear, take a break to process your feelings before you move forward with decision making or discussing with your co-parent.

Take several deep breaths and re-center, releasing all of the fear you may have taken on from the media or others around you. Breathe through any personal fears that you have. Notice what fear or feelings are coming up for you that may not be related to the current issue. Be with all of your feelings and allow them to move through your body. Once you are more centered, make decisions from a grounded, clear space.

What can we do to help our children cope with missed visits?

Be honest with them about what is happening. Let them know that Mom or Dad really wants to see them, but it isn’t safe right now, so you will do whatever you can to find ways for them to connect (see above with virtual visits, outdoor meetups, etc.) and then do it.

Find ways for your child to connect with them even if they can’t connect in real life. You can help them create a card, letter or other work of art to send in the mail, write a song or a poem, or teach them how to connect energetically.  This can be done through an imaginary hug, a special prayer, or a dream meet-up where as they fall asleep they think of a place they want to meet their Mom, Dad or other loved one in their dream, and what they want to do together. We often use the beach or Disneyland for our dream meet-ups! They can also have imaginary visits where you would ask what they would want to do and what they would want to say to their other parent if they were there.

Keeping communication open and finding ways to connect helps your kiddo feel like the other parent is being included and is top of mind even though they can’t be together and it will help them feel more secure.

What if we don’t agree?

If you and your co-parent cannot agree, or you do not have a co-parent who is willing to be flexible and creative with you, do what you can on your side. If you have a written parenting plan as part of a divorce or other legal agreement, you will need to make reasonable efforts to carry it out if they are demanding that you do so.

Try to engage help in the form of a family counselor, pastor, mediator or co-parenting coach if you need help trying to reach an amended agreement for the short term.

And remember, as Wayne Dyer said, “Conflict cannot survive without your participation.” Don’t engage in anything other than a peaceful, direct discussion and process through any emotions or triggers on your side that come up as a result of something your co-parent is saying or doing.

The only thing you can ever control is yourself and how you react to others. In this time of fear and frenzy, don’t make it worse by adding to it.

Please Note: This should not be considered legal or medical advice. Please contact your attorney for guidance on required visits and your doctor for any medical questions regarding the safety of visits.

The post Co-Parenting During The Coronavirus Crisis appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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co-parenting during COVID-19

Coronavirus and child custody: Co-parenting during the pandemic

co-parenting during COVID-19

As a parent, you want to spend as much time with your children as humanly possible. You want to watch them learn and grow, as the years pass. Even after a divorce, you still are able to enjoy precious moments with them during your parenting time.

However, with the Coronavirus Disease (COVID-19) pandemic that has swept the country, your parenting time may become part of the uncertainty.

While you want to maintain the World Health Organization recommendations regarding social distancing, hygiene, and sanitation, you still should be able to observe regular parenting time during this difficult time. However, your co-parent may be making that more difficult.

From a safety standpoint, it is understandable that your
co-parent is concerned over the prospect that your shared children may catch
the virus, or that you may while they are in your care. Additionally, many
areas of the country have shelter-in-place orders that prevent unnecessary
travel.

However, that does not extend to child custody drop-offs or
pick-ups.

Issues with shelter-in-place
and custody travel

According to Cordell & Cordell family law attorney Charles Hatley, residents are required to stay indoors except to perform certain necessary activities. These activities include buying food, seeking medical treatment, banking, and laundromat services. This also includes any travel necessary to enforce a court order and for purposes of caring for a child or family member.

Therefore, the shelter-in-place orders, or stay-at-home
orders, do not impact your right to parenting time, whether there is actually a
custody and parenting time order. However, that does not mean the other parent
will not misconstrue or try to abuse these orders in an attempt to block your
access to your child.

You may be like many parents during this coronavirus crisis who
are being forced to miss scheduled parenting time because of a co-parent who
feels honoring the court order is unsafe.

Facing parenting
time denial

During a recent webinar, Cordell & Cordell CEO, Executive/Managing Partner Scott Trout and Partner Dan Cuneo discussed how the coronavirus has been impacting regularly scheduled parenting time, and they spoke about the challenges that fathers have been facing as they deal with the ramifications of existing and legally-binding custody schedules no longer being upheld.

“If you are being denied time, there still may be remedies
available to you,” Mr. Cuneo said. “We want you to reach out and contact an
attorney and discuss what are your options, what do we need to do. It could
depend upon the jurisdiction that you’re in. There are essential remedies
available to you, and we want to make sure that you’re not being taken
advantage of and that you’re not sitting back and missing out on time.”

Additionally, this webinar detailed how this type of situation is being handled in several areas of the country. For example, in California, where the shelter-in-place order has been in effect since March 19, family courts are emphasizing the use of common sense, according to Cordell & Cordell Lead Litigator Jason Hopper.

“The standing order from almost all of our courts are that
the existing orders are to be followed,” Mr. Hopper said. “Parenting time and
is deemed essential travel. It’s not within the confines of the shelter in
place rules.”

Filing with family
court still possible

While there may be logistical issues involved in the family
court process during this shutdown associated with the coronavirus pandemic, you
and your family law attorney still are able to file in your state.

“In-person court is banned, so if you have a case, where you are supposed to be seeing your children and your ex-wife has cut you off, we can’t run full throttle into court to file anything and get in front of a judge immediately,” said Cordell & Cordell Litigation Partner Kristin Zurek. “But our courts are still open for filings, so it’s important to know that if something is going on and you want to bring it to the judge’s attention, go talk to your lawyer. You have the ability to upload pleadings to the court.”

While the court may be receiving filings, you may need more,
in order to incite action from the family courts under these circumstances. You
may need to illustrate that this is an emergency situation.

“The judge’s determination needs to be whether or not this
is an emergency that requires a phone conference or a video conference to deal
with it or if it’s something that’s going to have to wait until court reopens,”
Ms. Zurek said.

While the courts may find that the situation is not deemed
to be an emergency, it still is worthwhile to file, offering the court
documented evidence of how much you care about your children.

“It’s still important to get that on file as soon as possible, because you don’t want strategically, the court saying when court is back in session ‘Well, you must have not thought it was that important, because you didn’t file anything,’” said Cordell & Cordell Litigation Partner Kelly Burris. “It’s important to get things on file and see what options you have.”

Child support
challenges

Additionally, issues surrounding child support may arise
during the coronavirus pandemic that may require legal attention. Much of the
population is experiencing financial hardship, and many are expected to lose
their employment. If you do lose your job or find yourself with some sort of
wage reduction, how will you support your children and pay the court-ordered
child support during this challenging time?

“If you are facing a job loss or a wage reduction, one of
the first, most practical things you can do without involving an attorney is to
approach your employer and ask if they will be providing any qualified disaster
relief payments,” Mr. Hopper said. “Typically, when an employer provides any
type of compensation or benefit to an employee, that’s going to be a taxable
event. However, there are provisions within federal code and Internal Revenue
code, as well as in many states’ revenue codes that allow for employers to
provide to employees when there is a disaster declaration, like there is
currently nationwide, qualified disaster relief payments.”

While this may partially assist your financial situation,
you still must deal with the child support order itself. Given the
circumstance, seeking legal assistance may be the only way of navigating these
complex waters and avoiding the piling up of payments that you can no longer
afford.

“Consult with an attorney,” Mr. Hopper said. “You likely
have modification rights available to you.”

If you do not pursue modification, the child support
payments do not go away, just because you no longer have a job or because of
the coronavirus pandemic. You still can find yourself facing hefty child
support payments that if ignored, can become overwhelming, especially with your
children caught in the crossfires.

“You have to file your modification immediately,” said Cordell & Cordell Litigation Partner Rick Julius. “If things change and you don’t find it to be financially beneficial to you once the courts get open, you at least, have that decision down the road. Pennsylvania courts [Mr. Julius’ licensed state] are only going to go back as that modification filing date, in order to do that. It may end up that when it gets heard, that the financial situation has corrected itself and you may be entitled to retroactive modification of that time period.”

Parent, co-parent,
and monitor the situation

With all of the health and economic uncertainty caused by
the coronavirus pandemic, it is necessary for you to learn as much as possible
regarding your state’s family court system and how they handle emergency
situations. That way, if you find yourself facing unemployment with a large
monthly child support payment, or a co-parent who refuses to adhere to the
parenting time issued by the court, you know how to react.

It also is important to understand the perspective of your
children during this pandemic. They may be confused or scared, and as a parent,
it is necessary for you to take time for them, explaining to them the situation
in terms that they understand and monitor their wellness as much as possible.

If it is possible to remain amicable with your co-parent
during this time, do so. Communication and cooperation are necessary components
to co-parenting during normal situations, but with the coronavirus pandemic, it
becomes even more crucial that you put the needs of your children first, before
any animosity.

While this may be an instance of uncertainty, it is necessary for you to monitor the situation from a legal perspective and contact your family law attorney if you feel that changes need to be made.

Related coronavirus coverage:

Free Webinar: Can the Coronavirus Affect Custodial Rights? How Divorces and Parenting Time May Be Impacted

Can I make up lost parenting time due to the COVID-19 pandemic?

Does a Shelter-in-Place Order Limit my Right to Parenting Time?

The post Coronavirus and child custody: Co-parenting during the pandemic appeared first on Dads Divorce.

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How To Survive Co-parenting In Quarantine – The Impact Of Coronavirus

How To Survive Co-parenting In Quarantine – The Impact Of Coronavirus

I honestly never expected to be writing a blog like this.  We are in uncharted water and very scary times. On top of health concerns everyone is worrying about their financial futures as this virus is sure to have an economic impact on the whole world.  

For some parents, there is also the added worry of how this is going to affect their co-parenting relationship and contact with their children.

I can’t do anything to offer any support around the health and financial issues so I wanted to offer my advice on something I do know about.

corona virus briefing

Current Situation

At a national level the current advice from the UK government is to avoid “non-essential contact”, stay home for 14 days if you live with someone with a cough or temperature and schools to remain open for now.  Things are changing on a daily basis as we learn more about the virus but this is where we stand and that is already causing issues for parents.

Many parents are refusing to return children after contact or claiming self isolation and cancelling contact.  Whilst I am not saying that in some cases this is absolutely the right thing to do, I am also aware that there are cases where parents are using this to restrict contact and alienate the other parent.  Essentially the government are giving permission for abusive people to isolate their victims.  Again, this is not to say that reducing contact isn’t a necessary step, just an acknowledgement that abusive parents will and are using the advice to their advantage (as predicted in my previous blog).

Reality 

What is confusing for many parents is the dilemma of following government advice and reducing contact and self isolating to protect others including their own children, knowing that if they cancel, it will be used as a weapon to beat them by the other parent who will create the narrative of “they don’t care about you”.  Some parents may even accuse the other parent of being unsafe because they take them out and so refuse contact to keep them safe.  It is a real mine field.

The reality of this is that it has created a real paradox and cognitive dissonance in many people.  They hold two very different but valid opinions about the same thing.  This confusion can be very triggering for victims of abuse because this is exactly what they experienced during the relationship.  So not only are people confused and scared by the outbreak, they are also reliving their past trauma at the same time.  Which is why it is so important you learn how to manage this situation.

3 Ways To Manage Quarantine

Practical Steps

If you aren’t able to see your children, keep communication lines open.  Arrange regular telephone or video calls, send letters, care packages, use social media.  Get creative in ways to stay in touch.  Military families spend months away from their families and the bond between them and their children does not diminish and so this doesn’t have to either.

If your ex is not supportive of contact, record videos and either save them to your phone, laptop or upload them onto video sharing platforms (private setting) so that you can show them your “video diary” at a later date.  This is one of the biggest things we as a society will ever go through in our life time and so keeping a record will be really helpful for both you and your children once everything settles.  You can send letters (unless you have a court order which specifically states you can’t) but there is no guarantee they will get them but if you send them recorded you can again provide evidence when you are able to. 

As adults this is a really scary time and the children will pick up on that even if they are not old enough to know what is going on.  Help to reduce their anxiety by exploring their understanding of what is going on and offer an explanation (age appropriate) if necessary.  If you are stuck at home, plan activities and keep them entertained.  The truth is being stuck indoors without a break for 14 days (or however long this goes on for) is not going to be fun for anyone.  There will be a lot of pent up energy and anxiety which can cause arguments and definitely put a strain on even the best relationships.  Think of ways you can work through that.  Having a plan in advance really will help.

Finally, keep yourself safe and well.  Follow the guidance but try not to get obsessed with it.  The press and even social media are fear mongering and that can add to your anxiety.  Limit your news watching/paper reading/ social media time to reduce your anxiety levels.

Responses

If your ex is playing up and refusing contact on the grounds of self isolation which you feel is unnecessary, let it go.  The reality is that there is nothing you can do.  They have a legitimate excuse now to cut contact and arguing with them only fuels their ego.  They love to know they are hurting you so a simple “thank you for keeping our child safe” will suffice.  Again this is unprecedented territory and we have no way of knowing what is coming next.  Save your energy for the long game. 

If they refuse to allow you to talk to your children during this, again save your energy.  Yes it is cruel and vindictive and not in the child’s best interests but there is nothing you can do.  In all likelihood courts will be closed shortly and so there is nowhere to turn.  You have to find your own way through this.  I do not say that flippantly, I appreciate how tough this is.  But I have learnt the hard way that worry and anger do nothing to move you towards your goal and so focus on what you can do rather than what you can’t.

Your children may have a lot of questions about what is happening.  Be aware of your own feelings about this before you respond.  It can be really easy to transfer our fears onto our children and so being aware of how we feel can help to manage that.  They are seeking reassurance and comfort from you and so try to stay positive.  We will get through this.

Emotions

You may feel scared.  You are probably worried about yourself, your children and elderly relatives.  Maybe even for society as a whole.  That is normal and natural.  It is something we have no idea of how it is going to go. The unknown is scary.  Add to that the added implications on our finances and it could be easy to drown under all the difficulties.  Managing fear can be difficult, especially when we are being bombarded with worse case and apocalyptic scenarios.  As previously stated, I recommend limiting your time watching the news/reading newspapers/social media to keep on top of the fear. 

Get in touch with where in your body the feeling is because the simple act of acknowledging the physical sensations can be enough to reduce the feeling.  

Practice 4-2-4 breathing if you find yourself becoming overwhelmed with panic.  Breath in for a count of 4, hold for 2 and out for 4.

It can be frustrating being kept from your children and also being told by the government how to live your life, it can feel very controlling and abusive when this is the environment you have experienced in the past.  But it really is a wasted emotions.  It achieves nothing.  Right now there is no rule book about what is happening and so where possible, you have to go with it.  Try to keep your emotions in check and focus on staying safe and healthy. 

Obviously being way from your children will feel like a terrible loss and you may experience grief.  It’s important to allow those feelings to flow.  Grief is a cycle between denial, anger, depression, bargaining and acceptance.  Try not to get stuck in any one of those stages.  The next stage will come but it isn’t linear.  You will go back and forth.  It’s all normal and natural.  Don’t fight it, it shows how much you love them and that in itself can be a comfort.  It wouldn’t hurt so much if you didn’t love them so much.

If you are self isolated or we are forced into lockdown, try to stay busy.  Talk to friends over Skype, Facetime or other video call services.  Read the books you have always meant to.  Start a new hobby.  You could start a business.  Make some changes round the house.  I always find moving my furniture quite therapeutic!  If you can find the best in this situation, you will fare far better.

Finally the prospect of being in isolation can be very worrying and scary to many people.  Humans are social creatures and to be potentially forced to stay away from others is going to feel really unnatural.  Please know that support is out there. Just because it isn’t face to face doesn’t mean that you can’t get help.  We at The Nurturing Coach have introduced weekly online support groups to help you through this period of uncertainly.  Do join us, it can really help to talk to others.  

 

I hope this has offered some guidance for you.  I appreciate it is a difficult time and I certainly don’t have all the answers but I wanted to offer something.  Do stay safe everyone.  Take care.

The post How To Survive Co-parenting In Quarantine – The Impact Of Coronavirus appeared first on The Nurturing Coach.

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FEMALE NARCISSIST

CO-PARENTING WITH A NARCISSIST – 13 STRATEGIES TO HELP YOU DEAL WITH A FEMALE NARCISSIST

Truth is that you can’t co-parent with a narcissist.  But that would be a ridiculously short post so instead we are going to look at some practical steps you can take to make the fact that you have a narcissistic ex a little bit easier for you and the children.

I have chosen to write this post about female narcissists.  Mainly because it is a hugely under talked about subject but one that is a very real problem.  Almost all my clients have identified that their mothers were narcissistic and that it has had huge implications for them growing up and into adulthood.  That means that there are a lot of fathers out there attempting to co-parent with a narcissist.  

Whilst I appreciate that there are plenty of narcissistic fathers out there as well, I feel that there is already a plethora of information out there for mums (Scary Mommy and The Good Men Project have great articles on this).

Female narcissists can cause just as much damage to their children but they have the added weight of societal views about mothers and domestic abuse on their side.  Although there has been a lot of work done in the past decade about father’s rights and equal parenting, the truth is that most people still assume that mothers are the primary caregivers.  Whilst I am not wishing to write off the important role of mothers or deny that many more women than men are primary caregivers, I do think that parenting roles have changed and we now have legislation which reflects that in some measure (parental leave for new fathers for example) so it’s important we also talk about the darker side of females as well.  

There is lots spoken about toxic masculinity but toxic femininity and toxic females exist too. I think it is very dangerous to label one sex all good and the other all bad.  In fact that kind of black and white thinking is a trait of narcissism. I prefer to believe that we are all capable of good and bad acts, just as we are all capable of being victim or abuser. Without going too much into a nature nurture debate, science has long since demonstrated that our behaviours are as much, if not more, the result of our experiences than our biology.  In other words, what we have between our legs does not dictate who we are and how we behave. This is where the importance of nurture, and in particular parenting, becomes even more obvious.

But firstly, let’s get to know what we are dealing with.

Female Narcissists

Thought Catalog have written a really great piece on female narcissists so I am going to borrow their five characteristics of a female narcissist:

  1. A sadistic sense of pleasure at someone else’s pain.

Perhaps one of the most understated qualities of the female malignant narcissist is the pleasure and joy she takes in bringing down others. She enjoys making covert jabs and watching gleefully as the formerly confident victim looks crestfallen, shocked and offended. She displays a lack of empathy when the conversation turns to more serious emotional matters, engaging in shallow responses or cruel reprimands that invalidate her victim’s reality.

She is ruthless in her ability to first idealise, then devalue and discard her victims without a second thought. She cannot engage in healthy, emotionally fulfilling relationships, so she enjoys sabotaging the relationships and friendships of others for her own personal entertainment.

  1. An insatiable sense of competitiveness, due to pathological envy and the need to be the centre of attention.

They have to win.  At all costs. They will either be overt and play the hero.  Or covert and present as a fragile victim, utilising all her womanly wiles to win over sympathy in order to achieve her goal.  Usually of putting someone else down or punishing them.

As psychotherapist Christine Louis de Canonville puts it, “When it comes to envy, there is no one more envious than the narcissistic woman.”

  1. She sabotages your friendships and relationships, stirring chaos within social groups.

The female narcissist may use her affiliation with her target to gain access to resources or status, but as soon as the idealisation phase is over, the devaluation and discard follows. She then engages in rumour-mongering, smear campaigns and creates ‘triangles’ where she feeds others false or humiliating information about the victim. She may pit her friends against each other by claiming that they are gossiping about one another, when in fact, it is her falsehoods that are actually manufacturing conflict within the group. By subjecting her victims to covert and overt put-downs, she is able to then confirm her own false sense of superiority.

You are probably dealing with a female narcissist or sociopath if:

  • You notice an uncomfortable silence, a covert exchange of looks or odd energy when you enter the room. 
  • You were initially idealised, sweet-talked, admired, praised and shown off at the beginning of the relationship. You might have found yourself sharing your most intimate secrets early on, due to her disarmingly sweet and trustworthy demeanour. Later, you find your deepest secrets being spoken about with derision amongst friends or family or rumours based on vulnerabilities and fears you confided in them about. You also notice a chilling smugness when they talk down to you or as she devalues your accomplishments.
  • You bear witness to the narcissist frequently speaking ill of others in an excessively contemptuous tone, while appearing friendly and engaging with them in public. This is evidence of her duplicity and ability to deceive. An authentic person might vent about others occasionally in the event of stress or conflict, but would not engage in excessive gossip or indiscriminate character assassination. He or she would be more likely to cut ties with those they thought were toxic or address it to them directly rather than bashing them unnecessarily. Make no mistake, the way they’re speaking about others is the way they’ll eventually speak about you.
  1. She has an obsession with her appearance as well as a high level of materialism and superficiality. 

FEMALE NARCISSIST

Female narcissists fit the ‘femme fatale’ stereotype quite well. Many of them are conventionally attractive and use their sexuality to their advantage. Since females in our society are also socialised to objectify themselves, the female narcissist follows this social norm to use whatever physical assets she has to assert her power.

Hammond (2015) also observes female narcissists tend to excessively spend money. This may result in a highly materialistic female narcissist who enjoys adorning herself with the best designer clothing, indulging in luxuries at the expense of her loved ones or allowing herself to be excessively catered to by a wealthy significant other. Female narcissists can also accumulate their own wealth and use it as an indication of her superiority as well.

  1. A blatant disregard for the boundaries of intimate relationships, including her own.

In keeping with typical narcissistic behavior regardless of gender, the female narcissist is likely to have a harem of admirers – consisting of exes that never seem to go away, admirers who always seem to lurk in the background and complete strangers she ensnares into her web to evoke jealousy in her romantic partner. She frequently creates love triangles with her significant other and other males (or females, depending on her sexual orientation). She rejoices in male attention and boasts about being the object of desire. She engages in emotional and/or physical infidelity, usually without remorse and with plenty of gaslighting and deception directed at her partner, who usually dotes on her and spoils her, unaware of the extent of her disloyalty.

Delightful folks aren’t they!

If you are having to co-parent with one though, you have experienced all of this.  You understand their manipulative ways and have seen first hand how they can cut people off in a truly heartless manner. You got out of that drama. But your kids can’t do that.  And so you have to find a way to deal with them.

13 Ways To Co-Parent With A Narcissist

  • Accept that you can’t co-parent with them
    Co-parenting implies co-operation, communication and collaboration.  Not going to happen. They have to be seen as superior so they will make all decisions, withhold information and keep you shut out.  Parents evenings will be separate, and no doubt she will have told the school that she doesn’t feel safe being around you. You won’t find out if they are ill unless of course it is as an excuse to stop contact. 

We were regularly told the children were ill so couldn’t come.  In fact it happened so often I questioned whether she was poisoning them!

It also requires both parties to see the other as valid and relevant.  The narcissist does not see you as valid or relevant. You are the proverbial shit on their shoe that they want to get rid of. Your opinion doesn’t count as you don’t count. 

The narcissist went out and pierced the baby’s (and I do mean baby, they were only about a year old) despite the dad voicing that he didn’t want them to have their ears pierced because it was cruel.  Didn’t matter. It was what she wanted.

  • Be realistic with your expectations
    Your ex is not going to change.  She has developed a very sophisticated system for how she deals with people and in particular people who she deems below her or of no use to her.  She simply cuts them off. This works for her so she has no motivation to change.

    The frustration at wanting her to be different lead to arguments between me and my partner and actually, in hindsight cost us our relationship because I was so fixated on her.

    However, this does not mean that your situation cannot change.  You have full control over yourself and how you respond to what is going on.  When she attempts to bait you into an argument in front of witnesses so she can “prove” what a monster you are, you can choose whether or not to bite.  Learning how to manage your own responses takes time and awareness of what your triggers are though so you must be prepared to do the work. Once you grasp it though, your ex has no power over you which right royally pisses them off.

    Whenever she would confront me to try to intimidate me, I would always be super kind and smile.  I wanted to growl really but being able to control my own response really irritated her.  And that, in all honesty, bought me some joy.
  • Understand that everything is about control and punishment
    You are child focused.  You always have been. You didn’t want to argue in front of the kids and so you let things slide.  You let her get her own way so as not to cause distress to the children. She on the other hand used that to control you and things are no different now.  She may act like she is mother of the year but the truth is everything is about her agenda.

    Again, you need to accept that this is who she is.  No amount of reason or logic or pulling at her heart strings is going to get her to put the children first. She knows full well that controlling your access and therefore your relationship with your children is the best way to punish you for whatever wrong she believes you have committed.  When you stop wasting your energy on trying to get her to understand, you can begin to make decisions and take action on getting what you want.
  • Go direct to the source
    The ex won’t share any information with you about your children and if you ask her, you may find yourself slapped with a non-molestation order.  Who knew that wanting to find out about your own children (which you have a legal right to) was a crime? Ironic right.  They are breaking the law in preventing you from having your parental rights but you get labelled the criminal for wanting to exercise them.

    I strongly suggest you speak direct to the source (GP, school, nursery etc) and ask them to copy you in on all correspondence.  Take a copy of the court order if you have one which will show there are no restrictions in you having access to this information.  I also recommend communicating by email in the first instance so that you have a paper trail and you can’t get accused of being a bully. Most of the people involved in your children’s lives have been fed the same lines about you being controlling, aggressive, abusive and unsafe.  I have seen it happen time and time again when father’s go into the school to ask for up to date records for their children, they are stonewalled by people who have believed the lies which is frustrating and so they exert their rights a bit more forcefully and before you know it, you have another person and a professional backing up mum’s side of the story.  Email or old fashioned snail mail is the best way to avoid this.
  • Everything you say, can and will be used as evidence against you
    This is one of the hardest truths to accept but nevertheless it is true.  You are not an equal parent. The ex has successfully managed to completely distort your relationship with your children. In two ways.  Firstly, she will rule by fear and so they know who to obey and who is in charge. Just as you did in the relationship. They have seen the consequences of disagreeing with her and so they go along with everything she says.  This means they have to treat you with the same disrespect and contempt as she does. They don’t believe it but when you practice something enough times it becomes a habit. This leads to the second way she distorts the relationship which is by taking away any parental power you have to discipline your child.  So when they are being disrespectful to you, you have every right to tell them they are not allowed to talk to you that way. You wouldn’t accept it from anyone else so why from your children. What your ex then does is illicit that criticism from the children and convince them that you are abusive because of how you spoke to them.  “He used to speak to me the same way, you poor thing. What a monster he is!” It makes it almost impossible for you to parent at all.  If you want to understand more about this dynamic I recommend grabbing a copy of our free ebook The Painful Truth About Narcissistic Families.

    However, the important thing to remember is that a parent is many things.  The most important being the one person who unconditionally loves their children, no matter what they do and so even if they do disrespect you and reject you, you will always love them.  And deep down they know that. It’s part of why they know they can do it. They feel secure in your love for them. So although it is painful, try to remember that your love for them and theirs for you is strong.  Hold onto that, despite all that might happen.
  • Develop some family rules
    Another way to deal with the disrespect is to share the responsibility for how you want your relationship to look like with the children.  Family meetings and rules decided by everyone in the family can be a really good way for you to manage behaviour. All children know right from wrong.  They feel guilty when they are naughty. And being unkind to you makes them feel very uncomfortable, even if it doesn’t seem like it.

    Create a vision together of family life and ask them how they can contribute to it looking like that.  Obviously they may exhibit some resistance to this and say things like “I wish I didn’t have to come here” or “I want to be with mum” but try to persevere. Ask them why they don’t want to come here, what could you do to help make it better. 
  • Lashings of praise
    Your ex will rule with extremes – severe punishment (rage or the silent treatment) or extravagant rewards (puppies or favourite toys) which can be really powerful in getting children to do exactly what they want.  I have heard a story where a mother, the day before a child was due to go to contact with their father, bought a brand new puppy. I mean who would want to leave a new puppy? Whilst this looks amazing to the child on the surface, what all children really want is love, affection and attention and narcissists simply aren’t capable of providing any of those things.  You know that. You have felt the coldness.

    Positive reinforcement (also known as positive stokes) in the form of praise, hugs and pride is however, much more powerful.  You know the look of joy on your child’s face when you tell them they have done really well and you are proud of them, and then you tell them to ring grandma and tell her.  They are beaming! And children want more of that so giving lots of praise for all the good stuff you see not only boosts their self esteem but it also helps nurture your bond with your child.

    I do recognise that narcissists will give praise when the children do what they want and they use that to encourage them to reject you.  However, narcissists are inconsistent and so children never really know where they stand with them. What pleased them one day isn’t good enough the next.  Being consistent with your praise provides the child with the security they need.
  • Teach rather than tell
    You are your children’s role model.  They learn from all that they see, hear and watch you do.  This is probably why you ended the relationship, because you didn’t want your children to grow up thinking it was normal.  You can use this to help them develop the characteristics and skills you want them to have growing up. It will also help them to manage their own relationship with the narcissist.

    Think about what you want for your child.  Most parents want their children to be kind, happy, loved and successful.  Are you all of those things? How are you able to model them? When they misbehave, show them the behaviour you want rather than point out what they have done wrong.

    I always remember the scene in Jaws when Brody’s son is mirroring all his actions back to him.  Think about what your child is mirroring to you and vice versa.
  • Accept them for all that they are
    The reality is that your child will mirror back to you parts of your ex and this can be really hard to witness.  You may find yourself retriggered and taken back to a situation with your ex. Having her there, in your house, but in a smaller version, can be very upsetting.  And can have an impact on not only how you respond to your child but also how you feel about them. I have heard many parents honestly admit that sometimes, when their child reminds them of their ex, in that moment, they don’t like them.  That might feel really uncomfortable but it’s quite normal and natural. Your child will take after your ex. They may even look like her. No-one expects you to just forget about all the shit they put you through.

    However, it is important that you learn to accept those parts of your child.  Being aware when they remind you of your ex can help you to manage your feelings.  And remember that your child is not your ex.

    My step-daughter reminded me so much of the narcissist.  She had the same look sometimes and I felt my stomach go but just that awareness of that feeling was enough to pull me back into the room and stay with this innocent little girl sat in front of me who was so much more than her DNA.
  • Get to grips with your ex
    Something else it is important for you to model to your children, is how to deal with the ex.  You no longer live with her so you have the space to recover but your children don’t have that opportunity except when they are with you.  They are immersed in her world. The time with you is your chance to teach them the skills which got you through it. You needed resilience, self love, self control, a strong self image, support, determination and courage.  When your ex tries to push your buttons, you have an opportunity to show your children how to use self control and be strong in knowing who you are and how you behave. They will learn so much from that. They are looking to you all the time for help with this. 

    If you don’t yet feel confident in managing your ex and yourself around them, I strongly recommend getting some support to bolster up those skills.
  • Remove the drama
    Your life with the narcissist was full of drama and chaos because that is the environment the narcissist loves to create.  They can control others when they are disorientated by the chaos. Now you are away from that, you can focus on creating a peaceful environment, not just for you but for the children as well.  Children get carried away and lost in drama, it impacts their development, self esteem and academic achievement. On the opposite side of that, they thrive in a loving, nurturing, safe and calm environment. 

    Take a good look at your life and your friends and family.  Are they always caught up in the next drama or do they live a quiet and happy life?  Remove as much of the drama as you can. It will help with your recovery and create a safe haven for your children.  Like a lighthouse in the storm.
  • If you have to go to court, be prepared
    The reality is, if you have children with a narcissist you WILL have to go to court.  They want to punish you and what better way that by using the children. They will start by gatekeeping the contact, dictating the rules as to when and where you can see them.  They will begin to cut you out of all areas of their lives: school, after school clubs, your family. Finally they will manipulate the children to reject you (check out our comprehensive guide to How Parental Alienation Is Hurting Your Children to find out more about how this happens).

    It means if you want a relationship with your child, you have to go through Family Court which can perpetuate the abuse.  Every man and his dog will be drawn into the drama, claiming they saw you do x, y and z. Lies will become facts and those trained to protect children, will assist your ex is abusing them.  Narcissists love court because they have developed a false self designed to dupe and manipulate others. They love the performance in the court arena. You on the other hand just want to get on with your life and have a loving relationship with your children.  Claims of domestic abuse will appear and they will be granted legal aid so that they can use as many delay tactics as they like to keep up this charade. All in the hope of wearing you down so you just disappear. The fact they get to slander your character and destroy you in the process is a bonus to them.

    Going to court against a narcissist isn’t about the law or the facts.  It is about who is best at telling the story and being believed. Now I am not for one second suggesting you become an Oscar winning actor.  But it is important you learn how to put in your best performance. Which is why we developed our Get Court Ready course, designed to give you all the skills, tools and mindset to win this battle.
  • Recognise you may have PTSD
    A relationship with a narcissist is traumatic and stressful and when you have been exposed to it for a lengthy period of time, you can develop PTSD (and complex PTSD).  Symptoms of PTSD are:
    • regularly reliving painful memories, to the extent that you feel as if you are going through it again
    • losing all confidence in yourself and are finding it difficult to adapt to different and new situations
    • developing a chronic illness, anxiety or depression following your relationship with a narcissist
    • feeling numb and unsure of who you really are avoiding people and situations


PTSD can impact your relationship with those you love, including your children and leave you vulnerable to being retriggered by your ex.  Check out our guide to All You Need To Know About PTSD After Narcissistic Abuse.

Female narcissists are dangerous and highly abusive.  Like their male counterparts, they take no prisoners and are hell bent on destroying you.  If they have to take down others, including their own children, so be it.  As far as they are concerned the end justifies the means.  Everyone is collateral damage for them retaining their public persona.  

It’s important we speak out about this.  Men can be victims and women can be abusers.  Awareness is paramount is helping our children to recover and not repeat these cycles.

If you have experienced abuse at the hands of a narcissist and feel comfortable, please do share your thoughts. Or maybe you know someone who is a female narcissist.  Is what I have said accurate in your opinion?  Get involved.

The post CO-PARENTING WITH A NARCISSIST – 13 STRATEGIES TO HELP YOU DEAL WITH A FEMALE NARCISSIST appeared first on The Nurturing Coach.

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co-parenting with a narcissist

Co-Parenting With a Narcissist Turned Me Into My Daughter’s Hero

co-parenting with a narcissist

 

Last Sunday I was in the kitchen working on meal prep for the week. I was slicing melons, plucking grapes from vines, and baking chicken breasts when an unexpected thing happened.

It was just my daughters and I home for the afternoon and they had both gravitated to the kitchen (probably the scent of chili-lime flavored chicken wafting through the house had something to do with it.) Before long we had found ourselves deep in conversation; about what, I couldn’t say now, but somehow we came to this:

My sixteen year old looked at me and said, “Mom, you are the strongest person I know. I look at everything you have gone through, picking yourself up after the divorce, being a single mom to two daughters, having to work hard to support us…  You showed us not to settle for less than what we deserve. I don’t think you realize how much we look up to you.”

Naturally, I teared up and if my soul could sigh, it would have done so at that exact moment.

We’ve been through a lot in these seven years post-divorce. There have been countless arguments, tears, hugs, and laughter. The girls are now twenty and sixteen, and while there was no DIY manual on how to cope when the man in your life walks out, somehow we have gotten here: blubbering in the kitchen over how proud we are to have survived together.

It’s been such a rough road for us three. The road started out pretty normal, freshly tarred to make for smooth sailing. Eventually, that perfect road experienced some pretty major frost heaves, frost heaves that popped us right out of the minivan of life and dragged us behind it for a spell; resulting in three pretty severe cases of road rash. Road rash hurts, both real and metaphorical. It hurts real bad.

One day I got tired of the frost heaves causing so much pain, so I put the brakes on, dusted everyone off, slapped some bag balm on the road rash and turned that minivan down a new road. This road had potholes, too, no road is perfect, but we were wiser this time, and we had the scars from the road rash to remind us to slow down and avoid the bad road if we could. So eventually we learned to see the signs of a road in need of repair and we began to detour whenever possible.

It seems like for the past year the road has been a bit more travel-friendly, and for that I am thankful.

There was a time when I didn’t know if my relationship with my girls would ever return to what it was before. Were the scars from the road rash just too much to fully recover from? It felt like it at times. Times when I couldn’t say or do anything right. Times when they judged me and resented me for choices I made and for things that were out of my control. I’m not talking about normal everyday adolescent squabbles with my children, it was something far beyond that.

I’ve read a lot of books, articles, and blogs about life after divorce, but I’m not sure any of us dare to truly delve into the ugly truth of single parenting. Even now, I only dance around the subject matter of co-parenting with a narcissist. The truth was knowing that anything that was said and done at my house could and would be used against me by the other side. For years I felt like I was being held captive in my own life and that my world could come crashing down at any moment due to crafty manipulation techniques.

Even when the efforts failed I felt the effects from my children. They would treat me differently until finally things would settle down and we could get back to our normal. It wasn’t their fault, they were children, and it certainly wasn’t fair for them to be caught in the middle of someone else’s sick games.

I struggled during those years. I struggled with my reality vs. the reality I longed for. I wanted simplicity and an honest life with my children. I resisted and pushed back when drama and lies crept in from the other side.

It wasn’t easy having a foot in two separate worlds; the world I had lived in with my children and the world I wanted to live in with them.

I kept on. I stayed true to my course. There were days when I wanted to scream and yell, and there were days when I did exactly that.

They said it will get better. They said, “Keep doing what you are doing because you are doing it right.”

And after looking into the eyes of my sixteen-year-old when she said, “Mom, you are my hero. I wouldn’t be who I am today if it wasn’t for everything we went through.”

I finally believe they were right.

For all the struggling mamas out there acting as mom and dad while trying not to lose yourself in the process, it does get better. There is hope for a happier, more peaceful existence with your kids, just don’t give up. Even more importantly, don’t give in to the dark side. Listen to your heart, trust your gut, and love those little cherubs of yours with everything you have.

I have no false pretenses on perfectly paved roads of the future, in fact, I am well aware that at any moment I could get bucked right out of the minivan again and suffer a fresh case of the rash. The knowledge that at any moment we are one incident away from turmoil, and I could be cast back into the role of the villain always resides in the back of my mind. But the older they get, the wiser they are becoming and I keep praying that they always see truth above everything else.

At the end of the day, at least now I know with certainty that underneath all of the muck and mire resides a strong foundation of truth and integrity that we built together. And as for that road rash… it gave us some pretty beautiful scars that only the three of us can see. It taught us more than I can even begin to quantify with words.

As we stood around the kitchen that afternoon we shared memories of one horrible summer that we all now agree has become one of our favorite summers together. I never would have guessed all those years ago that some of the worst days of our lives could have bonded my girls and I so closely that we could turn it into such a positive and sacred memory.

Never underestimate the power of the road rash and the beauty of its scars.

The post Co-Parenting With a Narcissist Turned Me Into My Daughter’s Hero appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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4 Tips for Successful Co-Parenting in 2020

4 Tips for Successful Co-Parenting in 2020

After a divorce, you most likely don’t want to see your ex again, but if you have children, you may need to find ways to successfully co-parent. Co-parenting isn’t easy, but it’s often the best thing for your children. 

The post 4 Tips for Successful Co-Parenting in 2020 appeared first on Divorce Magazine.

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Divorce Tip Tuesday: 5 Tips For Co-Parenting With a Narcissist

Divorce Tip Tuesday: 5 Tips For Co-Parenting With a Narcissist

5 Tips for Co-Parenting With a Narcissist

The word “narcissist” gets a lot of use these days. It seems everyone with an irrational ex is divorced from a narcissist. That’s doubtful! So, why did I title this guide, “Co-Parenting with a Narcissist? Because, whether your ex is a narcissist or nothing more than a common, garden variety jerk if he is giving you a hard time co-parenting and causing your children emotional harm, this video is for you.

Co-Parenting With a Narcissist Tips:

1. Don’t Allow Him to push your buttons

That is his number one goal! Don’t allow him to succeed. He wants to cause you to respond to him with anger. He wants you to appear as angry and irrational as he is. If you do, you give him ammunition to use against you in court, with his family and his friends.

He was married to you long enough to know your vulnerabilities and which buttons to push. He is adept at getting you worked up and he knows it. If you allow yourself to overreact to his nonsense you’re giving him exactly what he wants and the last thing you want is to give him any satisfaction. Keep that in mind when you’re trying to cool yourself down and ignore him.

2. Use Reverse Pronouns

Narcissists project, nearly every statement they make is a projection of something they fear. Example: If he says, “You’re a terrible mother who is going to ruin her children’s lives.” What he really means is, “I’m a terrible parent who is going to ruin his children’s lives. If you reverse those pronouns and understand the degree of his projection it will free you up from feeling like you need to defend yourself or concern yourself with what he thinks.

3. Lower your Expectations of Him

He is never going to be a good co-parent, stop hoping he will. What you have now, is what you’re stuck with. There is nothing you can do that will cause him to magically one day become the perfect co-parent so don’t waste your time and energy on hoping he will change.

4. Set Communication Boundaries

Communicate via email only. If you’re able to use a communication software like Our Family Wizard to keep track of and document all email communications with him.

No texting, phone calls or in-person communication about child-related issues. If all child-related issues are discussed via email and a legal issue comes up, you have documented proof to use in court.

5. Grey Rock Him 

What does this mean? NO personal interaction, NONE. If you’re around him, do not acknowledge him. Do not attend school functions together. If you both happen to be in the same place at the same time, ignore him.

Have minimal communication and only via email. Respond to his emails with 2 or 3 words. If he emails and says, “I’m sick and can’t take the children this weekend.” Respond back and simply say, “Understand.”

He no longer exists to you other than some being in the clouds that you converse with as little as possible.

Last but Not Least

Be a good Mom to both your children and him! He is, after all, nothing more than an emotionally stunted child.

The post Divorce Tip Tuesday: 5 Tips For Co-Parenting With a Narcissist appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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