stalking your ex on facebook

Stop Stalking Your Ex On Facebook With These 4 Tips

stalking your ex on facebook


You know it’s terrible for you. You know you should stop doing it, yet somehow, you find yourself going back to that search tab on Facebook, and typing in his name. What utterly unsurprising exhibit will you find this time?

Ah, stalking exes on social media. We’ve all done it. Heck, I’ve even had my share of keeping tabs on some old friends I’ve cut ties with. But in terms of toxicity and harmful behavior, social media stalking that guy you dated for six months or the friend you’ve had a falling-out with comes nowhere near the ex-husband, the father of your child. Looking back, I can see precisely how my casual tendency to hop on over to my ex’s Instagram had spiraled into a dangerous habit that brought out the worst in me.

It doesn’t matter whether you’re freshly divorced or it’s been a while. The truth remains that social media surveillance only impedes the natural process that unravels after a serious relationship has failed. That’s a process of healing, coming to terms with what happened, and becoming whole again.

So what do you do when you know it’s not right, but still can’t help yourself?

Stalking Your Ex On Facebook? Here’s How to Stop

Get to know your habit

How often do you stalk your ex on social?

Which feelings does this practice usually evoke?

Pay attention and try to note in which situations you most often search his profile. You’ll notice you hardly ever do it when you’re busy, focused on your wellbeing, or generally content. No, we’ll stalk our exes on social when we’re mind-numbingly bored, feeling petty, or in a self-destructive state where we’re intent on making our anguish worse.

What does that tell you? Yup, nothing good can ever come out of this.

Lastly, whenever the idea of checking out their profile pops up, ask yourself: “What am I looking for?”

The answer to this is seemingly obvious, yet completely vague: well, you “just want to see what he’s up to”. But here’s the thing: you won’t stop until you find something to despise, or something that makes you feel hurt and jealous, or something that proves you’re better off without them.

But this is social media, not real life. And trust me, you don’t need a curated digital presence to prove to you that you’re better off without him. Whether it was you who filed for divorce or him, that decision has been made, and I hardly doubt Facebook/Instagram/Twitter had anything to do with it. Move on and stop looking for confirmation when you have it already.

The thing with this habit of social media surveillance is that you won’t discover anything that you don’t know, think, or feel already. It’s about finding ways to confirm your biases, and that’s exactly what you will do every time. You’ll prove to yourself that you were right. But it won’t feel as good as it should. Am I right?

Keep busy

The reason it won’t feel good is largely owed to that pesky voice that inevitably accompanies all stalking sessions. “Okay, he is still pathetic, but what the hell am I doing with my life, sitting here and scrolling through his profile.”

The best way to cure harmful social media habits is by staying busy and focused on other things. Spend quality time with your kids, go for drinks with friends, find a new hobby. Maybe you want to finally take up hiking and make a new family tradition of enjoying the outdoors with your kids. Whatever activity you’re going for, be mindful and present. You’ll have plenty of tangible proof in your life that you are, indeed, better off without him.

Another good idea is to choose a replacement habit for every time you feel the itch to check on his profile. For example, that could be going for a walk, doing a short meditation exercise, or working on an art project (you can even get your kids on board). And don’t leave this to chance. Plan for this scenario and make sure you have an idea for what you’ll do instead of diving into his social media accounts.

Now, we’ll talk about blocking him from your social media in a moment, but even with those brakes in place, you’ll likely still find yourself craving a social media toxicity hit, at least in the beginning. Like with all bad habits and addictions, a good habit that substitutes the initial behavior will help redirect your focus and ultimately break the cycle.

Go cold turkey

Just. Block. Him.

This is the obvious solution and the one that’s most widely recommended. And if you’re guilty of “hiding” his posts, only to come back and actively search his profile, this is definitely the “parental control” you need to set for yourself.

By blocking his profiles, his online presence becomes invisible to you and vice-versa, which, in all honesty, is really what you need at this stage. Further down the line, maybe a time will come when you’ll be okay with seeing him pop up on your feed, and you really won’t care at all; but if everything is still fresh and you’re struggling with trying not to stalk him, that time has clearly not come yet. So use that block button to avoid temptation and give yourself the much-needed space.

The fact that he won’t be able to see you is equally important, as you won’t be tempted to curate your social media presence to show him that you’re better off. You don’t want to be posting stuff just to get a reaction from him. Trust me; it’s not healthy for you. And remember: his close friends and family come with the package, too. If there’s anyone close to him whose posts will remind you of him and rub salt into the wound, block them also.

But although this is the simple answer, it’s not the ultimate one. To release the demons from within and eliminate the need to stalk him on social, you’ll need all these other steps too.

The bottom line: Commit to letting go

To let go, you’ll need to commit. Set your intentions and muster the willpower to eliminate the habits that are standing in the way. Stalking your ex on social is undoubtedly one of the most harmful, and it’s too darn easy.

These steps have helped me, but if you’re still having a tough time after a few weeks, maybe you want to take a break from social media entirely, even if it’s just temporarily. You’ll find you have a lot more time for all the good things in life.

The post Stop Stalking Your Ex On Facebook With These 4 Tips appeared first on Divorced Moms.



Meet the Ex Wives at Google and Facebook

Twitter and Instagram on Fire Mocking Judges and Lawyer who Steal Kids and Ruin Families. 

Social Media Lights Up to Expose Judges & Lawyers

Mainstream media finally looked into the claims of Silicon Valley’s ex wives and reported former Google executive and Android creator,  Andy Rubin,  is allegedly involved in sex trafficking and money laundering rings. 

Silicon Valley court  files show billions of dollars at play in  divorce cases reveal patterns of America’s powerful tech and social media executives treat their wives and children. These files show these executives aren’t as innocent and business reporters would have us believe.

Nowhere is this more obvious than in Santa Clara and San Mateo county family law cases. Reading those files one would find the parents revered in Bloomberg, The Wall Street Journal and the New York Times , but reported as  monsters, money launderers, sex traffickers and child abusers in their personal divorce cases. Seems  ex wives and children know what prosecutors refuse to investigate? 

Only in Silicon Valley can Facebook executives hide money to avoid paying child support and Google executives can use family courts to  cover up their sexual misdeeds and tax evasion issues. 

Read family court files long enough and the patterns of the lawyers and elected judges begin to emerge. Lawyers including Walter Hammon, Rebekkha Frye, Lynne Yates Carter, Brad Baugh, Elise Mitchell, Catherine Gallagher, Michele Hales, James Cox, Irwin Joseph , Michael Smith and Valerie Houghton are consistently at the center of the worst cases, most appear to be acting for profit and for the benefit of some of the worst abusers and crooks. 

Add in FAKE therapists Phil Stahl, John Orlando, Leslie Packer, Matthew Sullivan, Michael Kerner, Rebecca Bailey and Ken Perlmutter, and it is clear that children are bring terrorized in our family courts. 

For the naïve, family court judges are regularly selling homes in the modern divorce cases, a practice designed to pay lawyers and launder money through real estate transactions.  The sale of a family home has the added benefit of shutting up a spouse who can expose abuse and criminal activity arising from companies such as Google and Facebook.

Dangerous Judges Involved in Criminal Activities 

Five family court judges in Santa Clara County have been tied to these sex trafficking rings and local politicians.  James Towery, Stuart Scott, Mary Ann Grilli, Lori Pegg and Beth McGowan have issued orders,  and taken kickbacks,  to help these criminal enterprises thrive. Judge Theodore Zayner has reportedly been connected to the enterprise through  Google and Facebook executives as well as top influencers at Santa Clara and Stanford Universities. 

Silicon Valley Real Estate is Paying To Traffic Woman and Children

Young  women and men  whose parents are divorcing in Silicon Valley are reportedly at greatest risk of harm. Young white girls  and boys are isolated from their families by a court system designed to profit criminal enterprises. These children are labeled ” crazy” or mentally unstable. Their parents are called “disgruntled over losing in court”. 

Divorce attorney Sharon Roper is  reportedly at the center of the criminal family court  enterprise and Roper is engaged in fraudulent real estate dealings as a court employee. Roper  has  reportedly been working from inside the courts with Walter Hammon, Richard Roggia, Jim Cox, Heather Allan, Deborah Kim   and other  seasoned lawyers to assure that property sales and liens  keep the cash flowing to the  enterprise that operates sex trafficking rings and  elaborate drug distribution rings  throughout California. 

Elise Mitchell, an outsider,   was recently  brought into the enterprise following her representation of a famous 49er who admitted to excessive drinking, but was awarded unsupervised visitation in a custody case before Judge Towery.

Mitchell is reportedly the source of bankruptcy fraud  and real estate corruption, but has reportedly angered the enterprise, after she left important papers at a San Jose catholic School. Papers that were turned over to reporters and family court reform activists. It appears that Mitchell was helping former DA employee Saher Stephan in drafting bankruptcy papers that would conceal massive fraud contained in the Santa Clara County District Attorney’s Office. 

What the Mitchell Papers Show 

The Mitchell Papers  appear to link Andy Rubin, Sergey Brin, and Mark Zuckerberg to criminal enterprises operating in Silicon Valley family courts.  The papers also indicate former Santa Clara County Victim Claims Manager, Saher Stephan ,  was reportedly  misusing state and federal grants while processing claims for victims of sexual assault, rape, and domestic violence for the Santa Clara County district attorney’s office.

Stephan who is represented by Walter Hammon in a case before Judge Beth McGowan, appears to have received assistance from Mitchell in submitting  fraudulent Bankruptcy claims designed to  conceal an affair and disability fraud. 

The Michell Papers also indicate  payments to Kayrn Sinunu Towery  assures her husband, Jim Towery, and bench colleague , Stuart Scott, use court orders and the  power of their office to keep the money flowing to the enterprise. Orders to put children on supervised visitation  where these judges hold an indirect financial interest is just the beginning. Orders to sell property and orders to deny fee awards to lawyers outside of the enterprise show the criminal pattern running rampant in Silicon Valley family courts. 

These judges are also issuing orders that require divorcing couples to use  Sharon Roper as a temporary judge. These orders have resulted in Roper orchestrating the sale of billions of dollars in  estate from California to Hawaii.  The money from these sales is being ordered into private lawyer trust accounts, to  pay private judges,  for supervised visitation providers, custody evaluators, reunification camps and parenting coordinators, all folks not needed when children have poor parents. 

Most shocking is that according to the Mitchell Papers Andy Rubin was able to pay off judge Swope  in San Mateo County to assure the  sealing court papers where his wife alleged Rubin’s involvement in sex trafficking and money laundering while he was employed at Google. 

The Mitchell Papers also show former Santa Clara County prosecutor Deborah Medved, ,known to cover up child abuse imposed at the hands of Stanford University professors, is now being regularly appointed to represent children during their parent’s divorce case. . The Mitchell papers directly tie Medved and Sinunu Towery  to the criminal enterprise operating out of Silicon Valley family courts. 

Cash payments, Facebook stock and other payments made to public officials including Santa Clara County DA Jeff Rosen appear to assure Facebook General Counsel Paul Grewal will get favorable rulings for Facebook in return for helping to rig local judge elections, according to the Mitchell papers. These cash payments were reportedly arranged through Hoge Fenton in return for  contracts and settlement agreements that allow for the  paying down the mortgages on the homes of local judges and politicians including Sam Liccardo, Dave Cortese, Jeff Rosen, Jim Beall, James Towery, Susan Ellenberg,  James Williams, Jeff Smith, Larry Stone, Patricia Lucas and Cindy Chavez, all of whom have remain silent on the issues of sex trafficking and child abuse claims arising from the local family courts. 

The Mitchell papers also indicate former executive Michael Kail of Los Gatos was reportedly using his executive position at Netflix to launder money and real estate for Rebekka Frye and cops employed by the Los Gatos police department.  Kail is linked in the papers to Alan Nudelman, a former prosecutor from Santa Clara County whose has been seen socializing with Judge Zayner and county real estate assessor Larry Stone.  Rebekka Frye has told clients she and Bradford Baugh ” own the Los Gatos police” and can get anyone charged with domestic violence for the right price. The papers document affairs Frye had with clients she represented in DV cases, and that Frye assisted one family in breaking into a home, after Frye’s client committed suicide. 

judge Zayner is described in the Mitchell papers as the ” Gatekeeper” , a local judge willing to toss out and demur cases involving tech executives that could expose the operation. Zayner has reportedly been working with recalled judge Aaron Persky’s wife in the real estate scam. Zayner has  reportedly promised Larry Stone protections from prosecution of FPPC violations during the 2018 election should those claims end up in Santa Clara courts. 

Judge Persky was recalled on June 5, 2018, and is now reportedly working for the criminal enterprise from an underground position facilitated by his wife. Ironically Persky is working for  Google executives including Ken Dauber, whose wife led the charge to recall Persky in 2018. 

The  Mitchell papers describe that the Persky recall was designed to detract public attention from other judges who were engaging in criminal activity while sitting on the bench. These judges were reportedly  assisted by local politicians including Santa Clara County Supervisors Cindy Chavez, Dave Cortese and Joe Smitian who worked in secret with Michele Dauber and her husband Ken Dauber, a Google executive. 

Local Politics 2020: Dave Cortese Blasted By Neighbors of Bambi Larson

A Silicon Valley real estate enterprise connected to court corruption is linked to cash payments made to assure Dave Cortese is elected to California’s Senate in 2020, in order to assure the enterprise stealing and harming children in the local family courts can continue to operate with impunity.  

Parents who were separated from their children in Silicon Valley family courts have launched an underground social media campaign designed to expose this criminal activity and thwart the election and advancement of corrupt politicians who protect bad  actors in local courts. 

” We want these lawyers, judges and so – called experts” to know what we endured. If  what we do only reaches the children of these criminals, then will be glad to let those children know what their parents did to our children. We will be happy with the court of opinion deciding what was concealed for decades as our children suffered emotional, financial and physical harm  and were abused by judges and court staff who are paid to act in the  best interest of children. This criminal enterprise has done nothing to protect any children and it is time to expose this sh*t. ”  


33 Pieces of Divorce Advice from Divorce Magazine’s Facebook Followers

33 Pieces of Divorce Advice from Divorce Magazine’s Facebook Followers

We asked DivorceMag’s Facebook followers for the most important piece of advice they could offer someone who is going through a divorce, and we received some great feedback.

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