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happy he left

6 Reasons You’ll One Day Be Happy He Left

happy he left

When he left, I thought I’d die, now that he is gone, I’m almost giddy!

 

When I think back on my husband leaving and the repercussions, I fervently wish that someone would have told me I’d one day be happy he left. At the time, though, I didn’t think I would survive emotionally. I was certain my life was over.

I was wrong!

It took time and a belief in myself before getting to a place I could be thankful for the new life I gained due to him leaving our marriage. I got there, eventually, and so will you.

Below are 6 reasons I’m happy he left.

1. I had no idea how strong I was.

I would have never known my own emotional strength and stamina if my marriage had lasted. I had a career, was financially independent but, I was quite emotionally dependent on him and my role as his wife. I defined my worth by my relationship with him.

Once he was gone and I was left to do life on my own as ME, I discovered that being autonomous wasn’t bad at all. Once I moved past the licking my wounds and feeling sorry for myself stage and began to take control over My own life. Although I had to build up enough courage in myself to step forward and find a new path for myself I honestly have to say, my life is 100% better without him.

2. I now know how awesome I am.

That isn’t something he wanted me to know. I think he knew it and was threatened by it. He knew my strengths better than I did. And he was threatened by what he knew me to be capable of. In fact, I think it terrified him and that is the reason he constantly demeaned and belittled my accomplishments.

His negative voice is no longer in my head. It’s been replaced by the voice of a woman who knows her own power and has total faith to go forward and kick some ass if need be.

You’re still in pain, still hoping he will come back and still trying to understand why he left. That is a path you are going to have to traverse, it’s called healing.

3. I’ve been able to expand my horizons.

When we were married, our future was all about his career, his idea of what was right and wrong for us as a couple. I deferred to his desires and opinions and I no longer have to do that. I sold my home and purchased one that better fit my style. I decorated it to my taste. I got rid of our family van and purchased a Volvo. I took a new path with my career.

You know what else I did? I kissed a lot of boys! I explored MY sexuality and learned that there are men who enjoy women who call the shots in bed. I gained so much insight into myself, my likes and dislikes in all areas of life. I seriously became myself for the first time in 15-years.

4. I redefined love.

I determined that if I felt unhappy or lonely in a relationship, it was my right to have more. I left relationships where I felt genuine love for my partner because I knew it wasn’t receiving kind of love I wanted and deserved. I make the conscious decision to not be in a relationship because I thought I was “less than” if I weren’t. I’m happily remarried and, this time, I got exactly what I wanted out of love…a healthy relationship.

5. He and our marriage brought out the worst in me.

Have you ever had that, “I am not this girl” moment, and realized that you woke up one day to be paranoid, unhappy, and “walking on eggshells”?  I did, and it was literally like an outer body experience for me since I was always happy and positive before our marriage. Someone who loves you should bring you UP, UP, UP; stronger, better, and confident in your relationship with him.

It took him leaving for my sense of confidence to return. For me to feel happy and stronger and realize my own worth. I became a better person after accepting that he was not coming back and working through the pain caused by his leaving.

6. He took the drama with him when he left.

There was always chaos and drama in our marriage. There was always something he was unhappy about or some plan that had gone awry. He was like a petulant child who stomped his feet when he thought things were going according to his plans. And, I worked overtime to make sure his plans and needs worked out.

When he left he took that need to have control over every aspect of life with him. I, for the first time in years, was able to relax and go with the flow. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a planner too but, if things don’t go according to plan I don’t go apeshit crazy the way he did. It’s so nice to recognize that as abnormal behavior and RELAX.

I know some who are reading this will shake their head in agreement. They’ve been on their own long enough to learn the same things about themselves and life that I have.

Then there are those of you who are just starting out this journey. You’re still in pain, still hoping he will come back and still trying to understand why he left. That is a path you are going to have to traverse, it’s called healing. And, you will heal and once you do, you’ll have your own reasons why you are better off without him.

The post 6 Reasons You’ll One Day Be Happy He Left appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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happy mom

If You Can be any Kind of Mom…Be a Happy One

happy mom

 

We feel so much pressure in society today to be the very best moms.  We must be at the top of our game in every area of our lives. That can be so difficult when you are a single parent.  Life is hard enough when there are two parents in the picture. It becomes even more stressful when you are the sole parent responsible for your child’s well-being.

If You Can be any Kind of Mom…Be a Happy One

I totally understand because I, too, have endured the hardship of single motherhood. The one lesson that I have learned is that your happiness and emotional balance is key.  Kids don’t care how much money you have or what kind of car you drive.  What kids care about is the quality time that you spend with them.  The happier you are, the better that quality time will be.

Single mom life started for me about 17 years ago. I got divorced when my children were only a year old.  My first marriage ended because it was extremely toxic, and my ex was emotionally abusive.  I knew that I couldn’t stay in that relationship and be happy, so I took my one-year-old twins and left.  I ended up going back to school and getting my teaching degree.  I was working full time and going to school part-time.

I know what it’s like to struggle.

For most of my life, I have had to struggle with the whole concept of single motherhood. What I have learned throughout my journey is that the one thing your kids want from you is your own happiness.  We are modeling love for our kids, and that includes the love of self.  When you make self-care a priority in your life, you are showing your kids that it is important to be good to yourself.

You can’t enjoy the time spent with your kids if you are constantly stressed out. Your children need you to be happy and that means you need to practice self-care.  Self-care isn’t selfish. It’s the most essential thing you can do to stay healthy and to be the best mom for your kids. I missed out on a lot of happy moments with my kids because I worried about things that didn’t really matter in the long run.  That’s why I wrote my book, “Beautifully Broken.” I wanted to help women avoid the mistakes I made. I also wanted to show women that there is hope after a divorce.

In fact, what if I told you that you can survive divorce and be even better than you were before. In my book, I give practical parenting advice on how to keep your sanity during those tough days. Whether it’s creating rules, dating again, or maintaining balance in your life, I share my story of how I made it through.

I also give you useful tools to help you heal from the pain of divorce. With sage advice, tools, tips, and prayers, I pave the way for women to step into their power. To see that though they may feel broken, they are not. With laughter and love, I show you that our scars do not define us. We do.

You deserve to be a happy mom.

When you start taking care of yourself, you are better equipped to handle parenting, in fact, you will handle it like the boss that I know you are.  Don’t sweat the small stuff. Life usually has a way of working those things out. Focus on quality time with your kids and learn to enjoy those moments.  They go by so fast. Keep the faith. I know you will be great!

The post If You Can be any Kind of Mom…Be a Happy One appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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How to Put the “Happy” Back Into the Holidays After Divorce

How to Put the “Happy” Back Into the Holidays After Divorce

Truth be told, a divorce can shake your foundation and make you question your own judgment. You might find yourself second-guessing yourself and feeling sad over the holidays if you’re recently divorced or separated from your children, even for a short period of time.  

The post How to Put the “Happy” Back Into the Holidays After Divorce appeared first on Divorce Magazine.

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Happy 4th Of July! 10 Hilarious Someecards To Help You Celebrate

Happy 4th Of July! 10 Hilarious Someecards To Help You Celebrate

Some of us will be out, some of us will be in. However you choose to celebrate the 4th of July, don’t forget to laugh at life, yourself and just in general. Have a great holiday! And, if you are celebrating your 1st post-divorce “independence” on the 4th we wish you an especially fabulous day.

1. We all need a break from that!

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2. And that he doesn’t ruin the traditional 4th of July celebration

in Washington by making it all about himself!

3. The 4th of December? Nah!

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4. Some people go crazy in the streets, some go crazy online!

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5. Meet trimmings, fat, sodium erythorbate and sodium nitrite. Nom Nom!

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6. Be careful out there folks! It’s a new America.

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7. You know you are codependent when you starve at the 4th of July

picnic because your boyfriend can’t find anything to eat. 

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8. It’s the American way!

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9. The party starts at 10! BYOB!

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10. Any woman who can’t celebrate her independence needs

therapy, not chocolate.

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The post Happy 4th Of July! 10 Hilarious Someecards To Help You Celebrate appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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5 keys to creating a happy blended family

5 Keys To Creating a Happy Blended Family

5 keys to creating a happy blended family

 

Finding new love and a committed relationship after divorce is a delightful experience. Those positive feelings can, at times, get in the way of the reality of blending two families into one.

Below are 5 keys to creating a happy blended family once you’ve moved forward into a new marriage.

1. Love and Acceptance:

Every member needs to feel loved and accepted by the other members of your blended family. Transitioning into a blended family is difficult for all involved. Parents and children will respond and react differently to the idea of coming together and building relationships. For children, this means building relationships with people they barely know.

For that reason, they may be obnoxious, obstinant and down-right hard to deal with. When this happens it can pit parents against each other and they may begin to see traits in each other that aren’t attractive. The quickest way to defuse angry children and unreasonable new spouses is to show love, acceptance, and empathy for what they are feeling.

If you can step outside yourself and attempt to view the situation from the other person’s perspective, love, acceptance, and empathy will be easy to offer.

2. Security and Attachment:

Healthy relationships can’t be formed if everyone isn’t feeling secure and attached. This problem can be an issue with children who’ve experienced the divorce of their parents. For children, divorce can be traumatic and result in a loss of trust or, an unwillingness to trust again too quickly. Along with love, acceptance, and empathy, children will need quite a bit of reassurance that they are an important part of the new blended family.

It takes time to heal children who are still trying to adjust to their parent’s divorce. It also takes time to bond with children who aren’t used to sharing parents with other people. Validation for what the children are experiencing and consistent love will break down barriers and help children attach to other members of the blended family and begin to feel secure.

3. The Other Parent:

I know a therapist who is also a step-mother. She has no children of her own and has become consumed with every aspect of her stepdaughter’s life. She insists she is at every doctor’s appointment, every parent/teacher conference and part of every decision made about the child’s life. As a result, there is great friction between her and the child’s biological mother.

My therapist friend has crossed boundaries that no step-parent should cross. The job of a step-parent is to respect the biological parent and their boundaries, not the other way around. When boundaries are crossed you are sending your step-child the message that you don’t feel their biological parent is doing a good enough job of parenting.

Never do anything that gets in the way of a step-child bonding with and receiving love from the biological parent. You are the step-parent, not the biological parent, know your place!

4. It Takes Time:

It can take 2 to 8 years for a blended family to navigate the basic stages necessary for developing a sense of harmony and loyalty.  The older the children at the time of blending, the longer it will take for bonding to occur. Blended families will need to pass through many stages, the getting to know each other stage, the forming attachments stage in order to develop into a strong blended family.

Research has shown several models of the stages of development for blended families. Blending is not a smooth process and, knowing that from the outset will go along way in keeping one parent or the other from throwing in the towel when the waters aren’t smooth. You have to be willing to give it time!

5. Not All Problems Are About Blending:

Life, stress and everyday problems have to be dealt with at the same time you are blending your family. Your new blended family can experience problems that have nothing to do with an obnoxious step-child or whether a member has attached and is feeling loved.

As a blended family, you are expected or, will have to deal with all the normal crap life throws your way. Children will grow and develop their own sense of autonomy, spouses will argue, the mortgage will need to be paid and life will go on if you don’t allow outside issues or normal personal changes to interfere with your commitment to maintaining a happy, healthy blended family.

The post 5 Keys To Creating a Happy Blended Family appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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