efficient single mom

7 Habits Of Highly Efficient Single Moms

efficient single mom


There is definitely an art and a science to successful single parenting. Since I was raised by a single parent and raised two children solo for a few years, it’s worth mentioning that there is a silver lining to being a single mom. Fortunately, many moms gain self-confidence in their ability to handle challenges and their children become more determined and independent.

However, making the transition from married to single life won’t be easy for you or your children. It takes time to adjust to financial changes, expanded household and childcare responsibilities and being alone. It’s essential that you develop daily habits and routines to smooth the way for you and your children.

The key to successful single parenting is to reflect daily upon the importance of preparing for your new life and accepting that change is necessary. It will take time for you and your children to adjust to your new lifestyle but developing a positive mindset will help ease the transition.

Since I’ve always found paradigms and principles useful to setting goals, I will borrow habits from Stephen R. Covey‘s Habits of Highly Effective People and adapt them for single moms. In several cases, I borrowed his heading and in others, developed my own.

7 Habits of an efficient single mom

1. Be proactive: Get support for yourself and your children. This includes counseling, social outlets, and child care. Avoid playing the role of victim and remind yourself that things will get better over time.

2. Create a positive vision: Take control of your life and develop a clear picture of where you are heading. Decide what your values are for raising your children and start with setting three goals that are meaningful to you. Keep in mind that it can take up to a month to see any change.

3. Prioritize: Don’t sweat the small stuff and keep the focus on spending time with your kids and positive interactions. For instance, in our house we had pizza on Tuesday nights which gave us one weeknight to spend more time together when I wasn’t so focused on cooking and cleaning up.

4. Think win-win: Make peace with your ex and keep it that way. No matter how you feel about your ex, don’t bad mouth him or argue in front of your kids. Children pick up on petty fighting and may take it personally. So walk away or take on the role of peacemaker if tension is brewing with your ex. Otherwise, your children will feel forced to take sides, which may cause them to develop loyalty conflicts and possibly emotional problems if there is high conflict.

5. Seek first to understand: then to be understood: Open up the lines of communication with your kids. Be open and honest without giving them too many details or blaming your ex for the divorce. Even if you perceive that he was responsible they shouldn’t hear it from you. Take every opportunity to listen, support, and encourage them to talk about their feelings with you and/or someone they trust.

6. Ensure smooth transitions. Work with your children and possibly your ex to reduce stress in the lives of your children. Children often experience stress moving from parent to parent after divorce. Try your best to develop routines for their leaving and coming home. Be sure not to make them a messenger or ask them to report on the parent they just left. Attempt to be flexible yet consistent with the custody schedule. Keep in mind that as kids reach adolescence they may become rebellious about following the original custody schedule and need more control.

7. It’s Me Time: Take time to do the things that you enjoy. Set expectations for your children to do regular chores. This doesn’t mean overburdening them with too much responsibility. However, having high expectations for your kids will set the stage for making them more independent and will allow you to have more downtime.

How can you embrace this time of your life as an opportunity? First of all, it’s imperative that you focus on the things that are truly important and learn to let other things go. This involves making a commitment to helping your children adjust to your divorce and practicing amicable co-parenting. Working together with your ex and communicating effectively is ideal. However, if this isn’t possible, either because your ex is absent or adversarial, you can still become a successful single parent.

Be patient with your children – it will encourage their cooperation. Give your kids time to adjust to the news that their parents are no longer married.  Keep in mind that they will need time to get used to their new schedule and they may show signs of distress or withdraw at times. Reassure them that you are there for them and that things will get better.

At times, you may feel guilty about putting your children through a divorce but don’t let that stop you from setting effective limits and boundaries. For instance, allowing your children to stay up late or sleep with you may backfire because you both need your space and sleep. Be aware that kids play parents off each other and may say things like “Dad lets me stay up until midnight.” Even if this is true, you can say “Your dad has his rules, but in my house bedtime is at 9pm.”

As a single mom, it is of primary importance that you help your children cope with your divorce and develop a mindset of being a positive role model for them. In order to do this, you must take care of yourself. Parents who take control of their own lives, with courage and resilience, help their children do the same. Being a single mom draws on every ounce of energy from you, forcing you to become a more compassionate person.

Learn to trust yourself and embrace your new life by taking care of you. For example, sign up for yoga or an exercise class, eat healthy, and schedule in social times with friends. You will be a more effective parent if you are rested and feel connected to others. Counseling, coaching, or a support group can be helpful supports that will enhance your transition to your new life.

As a parent who is taking care of herself and gaining confidence, you are equipping your child with the best tools possible and the self-esteem to move forward with their life. Developing a sense of adventure and new rituals such as family game night or walks will help you stay connected with your children.

Your divorce can be seen as a transforming event, and you alone are responsible for creating a new kind of family for you and your children. You can choose to model self-acceptance and hope for your kids. Learning to laugh at yourself and focusing on the big picture will enable you and your children to make a good adjustment to divorce.

Terry Gaspard on Facebook, Twitter, and

More from Terry

6 Ways to Mend Trust After Divorce

Building Resiliency in Children After Divorce

The post 7 Habits Of Highly Efficient Single Moms appeared first on Divorced Moms.


Protecting Yourself From Narcissists As A Highly Sensitive Person

Protecting Yourself From Narcissists As A Highly Sensitive Person


It is so DIFFICULT being a sensitive person, who feels another person’s energy acutely.

Most of us, who have been abused by narcissists, are highly sensitive people, including me …

It can make us feel TOTALLY anxious and unsafe.

ESPECIALLY when in the vicinity of a NARCISSIST.

We know they have dark moods and can turn into horrible people who hurt us, at the slightest provocation and without warning,

So … HOW can we navigate this?

Can we be a sensitive person, feeling their shocking energy, and still be safe?

Yes .. absolutely we can!

Watch today’s Thriver TV Episode to discover how.



Video Transcript

Sensitive people like you and I are magnets to narcissists, or at least I used to be … and today’s Thriver Tv episode is all about HOW as a highly sensitive person you can protect yourself from narcissists for good … forever and NEVER again have them suck your energy dry or tear you down.

In fact, I am confident that if you apply what I’m going to show you in this video, that you will discover, even as a highly sensitive person, just how POWERFUL you are and how POWERLESS a narcissist really is.

Okay, now before I go any further into this information to empower you today, please make sure to subscribe to my channel if you haven’t already, and leave a like if you enjoy this video.

Alright … let’s start by first understanding how our high levels of sensitivity have made us susceptible to narcissists.


Feeling Other People’s Energy Intensely

Narcissists emit stacks of weird energy. They feel unstable and ready to spin out on a dime. That’s if we have been around them long enough to start experiencing their mask cracking and their true narcissistic personality bursting through.

If we just meet a narcissist, they still feel ‘intense’. They use a lot of focus and psychic energy to ensnare, manipulate and deceive people – as do all people acting out a ‘role’ rather than simply being themselves.

Think about this, people who are comfortable to be themselves are authentic; they are easy and peaceful to be around. There isn’t the funky energy about them as there is with narcissists.

Our susceptibility to this, as highly sensitive people, is we feel funky energy drastically.  And, if we are intensely tuned into other people’s energy, trying to gauge them in order to work out what to say or do, we lose touch with ourselves.

Let me give you an example.

Joanne was a narcissist giving her partner Rob a hard time. Nothing he did was good enough. The moment Rob walked in the door after work, he felt Joanne’s black mood and immediately started thinking, Do the bins need taking out? Should I offer her a foot rub and cook her dinner? His mind was frantically searching … What I have I missed? What is she going to complain about now? 

Of course, with Rob, as a highly sensitive soul, the more he feels Joanne’s funky energy and tries to fix it for her so that he can feel at peace, the more he is in Wrong Town, losing more parts of himself – namely his voice, rights and life, whilst she is abusing him mercilessly and sucking his energy dry.

Here’s another example of a highly sensitive soul called Marcie, meeting the narcissist Greg for the first time on a date.

Marcie finds Greg to be charming, intelligent and confident. Even though his questions feel probing and a little uncomfortable she feels flattered that he is attracted to her. After their date ends, he asks her to go home with him.

She feels his energy intensely as if he expects this from her and is going to be offended if she doesn’t agree to follow him to his house. Marcie remembers the dating and safety advice from one of her best friends regarding not having sex with any man you don’t know and before getting a commitment from him.

Yet, against her better judgement Marcie capitulates, because she doesn’t want to risk his funky energy escalating.

So, this is the thing … when we are not as yet whole adults in our Inner Being, tuning into and aligning with our own values and truth, regardless of what other people are or aren’t doing, or will or won’t do, then we are always going to be catering to other people’s version of life, even if warped and abusive for us.

This is what handing our power away really means – a very common thing that highly sensitive souls do – hence why they are perfect fodder for narcissists.

Giving Up the Notion of ‘Keeping the Peace’

As a highly sensitive soul, I want to challenge your comfort zone of trying to keep the peace.

I understand this desire; you don’t want to rock the boat and experience people’s nasty and unpredictable behaviour. You just want peace and harmony, which not surprisingly was very unlikely to be the environment you grew up in.

I would love you to understand, just as I had to firmly face and realise, this comfort zone of trying to keep the peace is far from comfortable.

Us handing over our energy, kindness, service, money, resources, sexuality and souls in an attempt to ‘keep the peace’ with narcissists doesn’t work. Rather, it’s like bleeding out in water with a shark circling in on you.

Enough is never enough for a narcissist. When you hand over more pieces of yourself to try to keep them happy, calm or stop abusing you, it escalates their demands for more.

Give an inch they take a mile.

Give a mile they take a continent.

There is no deal to be made, loyalty to gain, reciprocity realised, or compassion earned … there is only the evidence to the narcissist that you’re dropping your boundaries and exposing more bounty for them to pillage from you.

According to the narcissist (a no-self who refuses to take any personal responsibility), everything that feels like suffering to them is your fault, and it’s your duty to tend to it, fix it or pay for it.

The regular rules of humanity don’t apply with narcissists at all. Nor does the notion people will treat us as we treat them.

To try to get a narcissist to recognise kindness, fairness and love is NOT the soul lesson we are undergoing as a result of being caught up with a narcissist.

Rather, it is this:

To have true soul peace, without the stress and trauma of other people’s energy affecting you, you must identify and align with your own truths, values and live them authentically – regardless of what other people are or aren’t doing.

How else are we ever going to feel safe and whole in our own bodies, instead of trying to tune into other people, catering to them fruitlessly in Wrong Town whilst they are abusing us?

We can’t …


Becoming ‘Ourself’

Earlier in this video, I said that narcissist’s energy feels funky to highly sensitive people because they are putting on an act, they are not being themselves.

This is where (as I always do) want us to get really real with ourselves and take our power back, inside us, so that we can change and heal the only person who we have the power to – ourselves.

So let’s do this. Let’s get really honest. These following questions are so important:

Why are we telling people what they want to hear instead of living in our own truth and healthy values?

Why are we dancing around someone’s wounds and subjugating ourselves in the process?

Why don’t we let go and risk losing that abusive person and life we had with them, and know and live out the truth that we deserve better?

The simple generic answer to these questions is because we have wounds in our genetic, past life and childhood history that are preventing us fully being in our own self-generative power – able to be a source of love, approval, survival and security to ourselves – regardless of what other people are or aren’t doing.

Rob was doing all these things in his relationship, because as a child he was punished if he disagreed with his narcissistic mother’s demands. He learned at an early age that to minimise the abuse, catering to her was necessary.

Marcie was doing all these things with repeat narcissists because as a child if she didn’t go along with whatever her father believed and wanted, he ignored her. She learned from an early age that her needs were completely irrelevant, and attention from him only came from serving his.

Personally, I handed my power away because of the terror of abandonment if I didn’t. Also, I believed that unless I proved my worth, I would never be loved. I was totally hooked on trying to convince narcissists, despite their allegations, condemnations and abuse of me, that I was worth loving.

Until I healed these inner parts of myself, I couldn’t stop dancing with toxic and abusive people.


I’d love you now to reflect – this is going to be powerfully healing for you.

Ask your Inner Being these questions:

Why am I telling people what they want to hear instead of living in my own truth and healthy values?

Why am I dancing around someone’s wounds and subjugating myself in the process?

Why don’t I let go and risk losing that abusive person and the life I had with them, and know and live out the truth that I deserve better?

I’d love you to stop this video, tune in to yourself and share in the comments below – this will help you and others so much (we are all in this together).


It is familiar for us to be hooked into people trying to get love, approval, security and survival from them; people who are self-absorbed in their own wounds and not available to grant this.

It is familiar for us to feel obligation or guilt and want to fix and rescue others who are not taking responsibility for themselves and who are being abusive towards us.

As children, we may have used all sorts of strategies to try to figure out what would make our caretakers less anxious and angry so that they could be whole to try to make us feel whole. If we did this, we became sensitive souls – people who feel other people’s energy intensely.

You may have thought this was because you are an empath and a kind, giving person. That’s very likely, but really where this came from is your necessity, as a child, to read other people’s funky energy to try to remain safe as well as trying to be loved based on how well you appeased this person’s wishes whilst forfeiting your own.

As children, we were powerless. There was no way to have our own values, opinions, wishes and dreams, and maybe even basic human rights fulfilled.

Now dear Thriver there is!

Let me explain …


Aligning With Self

This Thriver mantra is our focus today.

Okay… I want you to repeat this after me:

“I relinquish reading your energy and appeasing you to feel safe and loved. Today, I take my power back, by feeling into me and healing what I need to, to start generating my own truth.

You can kick, scream, shout, guilt and blame me, yet I no longer listen to you. No longer am I obligated to you and you have no obligation to me. Your happiness is your own job, just as mine is my own.

Today I stop dancing to and feeding your wounds. Instead, I turn inwards to heal my own – to know my values and truth and live aligned to them, no matter what, and detach and let go of who and what no longer is.

I take back my soul to generate my life with the people and resources who match my values, truth, heart and future.

I release you back to your truth and free myself and claim my own.

And so it is.”

Okay, I want you to feel the truth of this in your body, which always lets you know if something is right and true. Your body knows you are in soul truth after saying this mantra, even though you may feel some pain and doubt with it, which is your opposing inner programs that require healing to live the truth of this mantra.

Let’s have a look at what this truth looks like – in real time.

Rob after doing the inner healing work with NARP to release and reprogram his traumas from his abusive narcissistic mother, left Joanne, stood up to her legally, went No Contact and is in a new relationship with a woman he adores, who treats him with care, love and respect.

Marcie with NARP healed that part of her which had been without love and attention from her father, and when she became whole on the inside, she went on dates with men honouring herself by saying ‘No’ to their request for sex.

In fact, as soon as it steered that way, she easily deleted these men’s profiles and had no further contact. Suitors who were respectful and wanted to take their time to get to know her, started entering her experience, because they were the only ones she would participate with now.

After getting to know Mark for 3 months and establishing that he was a great guy with lovely values and compatibilities, she entered a committed, exclusive intimate relationship with him. Eighteen months later her and Mark were deeply in love, married and starting a family – a desire that Marcie in her late 30’s had never been able to fulfil until now.

The moral to these stories is there is real inner work involved – the finding and healing of our blocks and subconscious beliefs holding us in the pattern of handing our power away to narcissistic people.

When you do this inner work, I promise you that calmly and powerfully you will stand up and have non-negotiable boundaries.

You will stop trying to fix and get the narcissist to change, and feeding the monster who has been stripping your bones bare.

And, you will have no fear of what the narcissist can or will do to you anymore. There will be no more trying to negate, make deals or play it safe. Rather you will just honour and respect your rights and truth – delivering whatever is factually and unemotionally necessary to do this.

When you do this and are willing to lose this person and abuse in your life, the narcissist crumbles and leaves your experience. Your graduation has been achieved and the soul contract with this person has ended. It has delivered what it needed to …

This hands you back to BEING YOURSELF and being free to start generating your True Self and True Life, which was the only way to live that was ever going to truly gratify you and allow you to be in service to self, life and others in healthy and real ways.

I am very passionate about people understanding more about the essential inner transformational work, and trying it for themselves, so that they understand why it is vital and how it works.

If you have had enough of feeling other people’s funky energy as well as unsure of yourself and unsafe, I’d love you to join me to start unravelling and healing from this by signing up to my 16 Day free course.

You can do so by clicking the link here.

And … if you liked this video, please click the like button, and if you want to see more of my videos, you can subscribe so you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. Also, I’d love you to share this video with other highly sensitive souls, so that they too can heal their energy gaps where they were handing power over to abusive people.

And as always, I’m looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.