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tips to get you through new year

5 Tips To Get You Through New Year’s Eve After a Stressful Holiday Season

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tips to get you through new year's eve

 

Whether you’re separated, currently going through a divorce or the ink on your divorce agreement has been dry for a while… the time between Christmas/Hanukkah and New Year’s Eve can be an extremely difficult time of the year!!

The holidays are physically and emotionally draining. We face so many stressful obligations…all masked by the magical sparkle of Joyful Celebration!

Celebrations where we most likely ate and drank too much and ended up getting very little rest!!

This all takes a tremendous toll on us.

Chances are we also got caught up in the whirlwind of shopping for special gifts, wrapping, cooking, baking, decorating, entertaining and even traveling… which inevitably resulted in our wallets being as depleted as our energy levels. And, the numbers on the bathroom scale rising right along with our stress levels.

Let’s face it, separation and divorce (all on their own) can have the very same unpleasant results like those mentioned above. Therefore, this time of the year can quickly become anything but Wonderful!!

So, unless you’re a fan of self-torture, now is the time to be extra kind to yourself. And turning to more alcohol or more food for comfort and joy will only make you feel worse in the long run.

Remember, it is most important to choose your methods of Post-Holiday-Self-Care WITH Care.

5 Tips To Get You Through New Year’s Eve

1. Take time for yourself.

After all the celebratory chaos, it’s time to slow everything down. Go for a walk in nature and turn your face up to the sun. Breathe deeply. Soak in a hot Epsom salt bath with some essential oils.

Sit quietly and just breathe.

TRY NOT TO “DO” – “WATCH” – “READ” or “LISTEN TO” – ANYTHING!

Create an environment free from noise or other distractions (even people). Just for a little while each day. Detox. This may sound silly, but if you can take some alone time to refresh and replenish for a short time each day, you will be amazed by the many benefits you’ll begin to notice.

It’s so important to regain our balance after being so depleted. When we’re fragile, negativity can take hold– But, once we strengthen our inner fortitude, we regain our resilience. Remember to continue taking some alone time each day in the new year!

2. If you’re sad cry if you’re angry punch a pillow.

Everybody seems to be a bit more emotional at this time of the year. And you have more than enough reasons to be feeling some pretty intense ups and downs. So, give yourself permission to feel your feelings. But also be smart!

Now that we realize we may be feeling extra sensitive during this time, try to do what makes you happy and avoid what makes you sad.

If watching those sappy Hallmark love stories makes you melancholy… don’t watch them.

If scrolling through Facebook and seeing everyone’s seemingly picture perfect life depresses you… take a break from FB. If it makes you happy to help others in need… take this time to volunteer at a soup kitchen or homeless shelter.

3. Have a plan.

New Year’s Eve is a difficult night for many people. Even people in happy marriages and good relationships. So, take the time to think about creative ways you can “celebrate” NYE in the most pleasant way possible. Whether you’ll be celebrating with your kids or they’ll be with their other parent, you have options.

Think outside the box!!

And remember there will always be another NYE next year. I’ve had my share of horrible NYEs and wonderful NYEs. So, if the best option you can come up with is going to bed early and sleeping through the ball drop… so be it. There’s always next year.

4. This too shall pass.

Even though separation and divorce suck, things will get better. I promise. February will follow January and winter will turn into spring. To everything, there is a season.

Life is full of challenges and victories. It is a circle of darkness into light. So, even though these may be particularly dark and difficult times, hang in there… because the sun will surely shine again, maybe more brightly than ever before.

5. You’re not alone.

Hopefully, it brings you a bit of comfort during these difficult times to know there are many of us who are here for you. Some of us are right alongside you in the deep, dark trenches of separation and divorce and some have finally crawled our way out. And we’ll reach out our hand to help pull you up and out as well.

Yes, the time between Christmas/Hanukkah and New Year’s Eve can be an extremely difficult time of the year… but it can also be a time for us to cultivate our inner strength, to grow and develop some positive coping skills. It also gives us the opportunity to focus on all the promising possibilities ahead in the new year.

Happy 2020!!

The post 5 Tips To Get You Through New Year’s Eve After a Stressful Holiday Season appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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4 Tips for Stepfamily Holiday Success

4 Tips for Stepfamily Holiday Success

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As parents, whether, biological, step, foster or blended, we have a responsibility to ensure that the holidays, either faith-based or secular, are an uncomplicated and enjoyable experience for those children in our care.

The post 4 Tips for Stepfamily Holiday Success appeared first on Divorce Magazine.

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adult children of divorce

Holiday Tips For Adult Children Of Divorce

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adult children of divorce

 

Every year many adult children of divorce have to make a decision: Should they spend Christmas morning at Dad’s and Christmas afternoon at Moms? Should they spend Thanksgiving Day at both homes so as not to offend either parent? For some, it comes down to avoiding the holidays altogether. It may make more sense for them to plan a trip to a far-off location or to visit a friend’s home.

Most of the adult children of divorce that I know feel that the holidays trigger negative childhood memories, or they may feel stuck in the middle between their parents’ contrasting worlds.

Kendra, a 20-something child of divorce put it like this: “If I’m honest with myself, at the end of each holiday I feel much like I did when I was a kid, split between two houses and trying to make both sides of my family happy.”

For adults who grew up in high-conflict divorced families, the holidays can be an especially challenging time. It can make adults feel like children again, torn between two parents, not wanting to disappoint or hurt either one’s feelings.

Although adults who grew up in divorced homes know they are allowed to choose how they spend their time, they may feel a sense of obligation to spend adequate time with all members of their families, which in many cases is impractical or impossible. In the end, if members of a divorced family feel anxious, let down, or upset about how they spend their holidays, nobody wins.

Holiday Tips for Adult Children of Divorce

1. Change Your Perspective

Even though your parents divorced years ago, the holidays may be a reminder that your family is not the way you would have wanted or imagined it to be. As an adult, it’s important to remember that you can control your thoughts and actions, and you are not the same person as when your parents first split up. Thankfully, neither are they.

When you start feeling anxious about Thanksgiving and Christmas rolling around, it may be comforting to realize that your divorced family hasn’t cornered the market on dysfunction. There are plenty of people who haven’t been touched by divorce but are dealing with equal, if not harder, realities.

Families can be affected by death, disease, addiction, poverty, and a number of other problems. Remembering that you are not alone and that others face challenges far worse than you, can help change your perspective.

2. Learn to Forgive

It’s amazing how even when a divorce is many years behind you, it is an event that can cast a dark shadow if you allow it to do so. Dealing with divorced parents and stepparents as an adult never really becomes “easy.” After a while, it just feels like the new normal.

However, when you make a decision to let go of past hurt and resentment, and when you realize your parents should not be in debt to you for any decisions they may have made, it can be incredibly freeing. The holidays provide an opportunity to put this mindset into practice and to move toward forgiving your parents.

Forgiveness is not about condoning or accepting your parents’ actions, but it can give them less power over you. It can help you accept small and large transgressions and to take them less personally.

Often people equate forgiveness with weakness. But forgiveness can also be seen as a strength because it means you are able to express goodwill toward your parents and others. Studies show that forgiving someone is a way of letting go of your baggage so that you can heal and move on with your life.

3. Create New Traditions This Holiday Season

In learning to handle the holidays, one of the most helpful approaches is to develop your own traditions. For instance, hosting a meal at your home or going to a relative’s or friend’s home is a good alternative. Invite family members to join in and let them know that you are trying out new traditions – they might be delighted to join you.

Although your family is no longer intact, you have a family in a different form. Accept the limitations of your divorced family, and accept that you cannot ask them to be something they are not. Having realistic expectations of the holiday season can help you cope with any disappointments or negative memories from the past.

Most of all, maintain hope in your own life and know that your parents’ choices do not need to be your choices – you can create a new story for your life. Creating new holiday traditions that work for you can help you move on with your life.

This article first appeared on DivorceMag.com

The post Holiday Tips For Adult Children Of Divorce appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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Negotiating Holiday Gift Giving After Divorce

Negotiating Holiday Gift Giving After Divorce

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The best gifts you can give have nothing to do with price tags and are all about time and love.

The post Negotiating Holiday Gift Giving After Divorce appeared first on Divorce Magazine.

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7 Tips To Reduce Holiday Stress

7 Tips To Reduce Holiday Stress

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While your first holiday season post divorce may not be easy, with a little planning it can be the beginning of a positive next chapter with happier seasons to come.

The post 7 Tips To Reduce Holiday Stress appeared first on Divorce Magazine.

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6 Handy Tips to Help Deal with Holiday Parenting Time

6 Handy Tips to Help Deal with Holiday Parenting Time

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For some divorced or separated parents, holiday parenting time may be a difficult time of year as their children may spend more time with the other parent and less time with them.

The post 6 Handy Tips to Help Deal with Holiday Parenting Time appeared first on Divorce Magazine.

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Holidays On (N)ice: How to Handle Holiday Disagreements

Holidays On (N)ice: How to Handle Holiday Disagreements

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If you want to disagree nicely with your family members this Thanksgiving, here are five basic tools that might help you do so.

The post Holidays On (N)ice: How to Handle Holiday Disagreements appeared first on Divorce Magazine.

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