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Celebrity Divorces During COVID-19: What You Can Learn From Their Mistakes

Celebrity Divorces During COVID-19: What You Can Learn From Their Mistakes

In Cordell & Cordell’s latest Virtual Town Hall about divorce during COVID-19, the firm’s divorce attorneys examined some recent celebrity divorces that have made headlines and explained what lessons could be applied to regular cases.

No matter how much money you have, divorce is a time of turmoil. The economic uncertainty is even greater during the Coronavirus pandemic as the virus has strained the finances of millions of Americans.

“The same mistakes that celebrities make are the same that guys watching [the webinar] right now make,” Cordell & Cordell Managing Partner/CEO Scott Trout said. “That’s why I think it’s so relevant to look at what’s in the public eye. Learn from what they’re doing, and don’t make those same mistakes.”

Ditch social media

The panel of divorce attorneys discussed the breakup of former NFL quarterback Jay Cutler and “Laguna Beach” star Kristin Cavallari to illustrate how social media use can be dangerous during a family law issue.

“There’s really no upside to using social media during a divorce,” Cordell & Cordell Oklahoma Senior Lead Litigator Ron Gore said. “The courts already know that even if you come across well in your social media posts, you’re on stage, and you’re probably acting at your best, hopefully.

“We also are all human, and we all have times, especially in difficult times like a divorce, that we’re not acting as well as we would like toward each other,” Mr. Gore said. “So if you’re acting well, the court may think ‘Oh, it’s just an act. If you’re acting poorly, the court may think ‘They can’t even control their behavior when they know everybody’s seeing it. What are they doing?’ Since there’s no upside and lots of downside, it’s not a good idea.”

Missing parenting time

The panel also dissected the divorce of singer Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale. Ms. Stefani moved with her children to Oklahoma during the pandemic to quarantine, but that has caused Mr. Rossdale to miss out on his court-ordered parenting time.

Many parents across the U.S. are being denied access to their children with the pandemic being used as the excuse.

“It’s not legal to deny any custody or parenting time,” Cordell & Cordell New Jersey Senior Litigation Attorney Diana Megalla said. “As long as there’s a court order, that court order is place, until there is a new court order or written agreement.”

In many instances, missed parenting time can be made up at a later date.

“I had a case not too long ago, where we had to file a motion for family access, and it was granted,” Cordell & Cordell Missouri divorce attorney Igers Vangjeli said. “Parenting time can be made up, if you file.”

The key is to make sure you are proactive in filing so that your issue is documented. If you need help with any divorce issue during this uncertain time, get in touch with the divorce lawyers of Cordell & Cordell.

The post Celebrity Divorces During COVID-19: What You Can Learn From Their Mistakes appeared first on Dads Divorce.

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10 Lessons Most Women Learn During Divorce

10 Lessons Most Women Learn During Divorce

No one gets married thinking that divorce is just around the corner. Whatever the reasons for a divorce, it always takes a huge toll emotionally and financially.

Here are 10 lessons most women learn during divorce as shared by ladies who’ve gone through it and by divorce professionals.

Recovery Takes Time

Depending on the reason for your divorce, the finality may either make you feel like it’s Christmas morning or the absolute end of the world. One thing to consider though is the feeling of vulnerability you’ll have until you’ve fully recovered. It is perfectly okay to seek help and it is perfectly okay to feel down, even if you’re the one who initiated the process, to begin with.

Manage Your Future Living Expenses Right NOW

Getting divorced can make you emotional and cause you to make poor decisions that you’ll regret later. Remember that time will take care of sore feelings but your financial decisions will affect you longer. Know how much money you need so you can make necessary adjustments and plans.

Be Ready for Unexpected Costs

It would be best to ask or request some funds before your first alimony check arrives. If you don’t need alimony, that’s also fine but know that there are probably some matters that were usually shouldered by your ex which you’ll have to pay for now.

You’ll Get Nothing from Trying to Hurt Your Ex

Remember that every action now has a consequence in the future. Sure, you can get your ex fired by ratting him out to his boss, but that will also mean he won’t have the same financial capabilities and will affect whatever support he can provide to you and your children. Saying hurtful things online can backfire when your kids are old enough to read what you shared about their father.

Choose Your Experts Wisely

Lawyers specializing in family law are your best bet to get the fairest settlement possible. You may also want to look into hiring a financial planner if you have a lot of combined assets with your husband.

Divorce Doesn’t Define You

Just because you’re divorced does not mean that you’re a failure or that you’re not desirable. Stigmas do persist to these days but keep in mind that a divorce just means that the relationship did not work out or love has simply died.

Kids Will ALWAYS Be Affected by a Divorce

Yes, even when they act like nothing happened. Numerous research studies show that kids often feel responsible when their parents go through a divorce. They may not say it, but there will be tell-tale behavioral signs that you can watch out for.

The Holidays Will Be a Hard Time for You

Feelings of loneliness are felt more during the holidays, and this doesn’t exempt those who are divorced. It would be best to plan a vacation or be with loved ones instead of being alone around the holidays.

Joint Accounts Need Your Attention Too

Don’t go into court without being fully informed about your joint accounts. You have to know online passwords, account pins, email verification, any investments, and who is handling your account(s) if using a professional. This will save you from both future headache and heartache once the divorce is in process.

Divorce Can Be Empowering

Divorce shouldn’t be viewed as the end of a book, but rather the beginning of a whole new chapter. There are a lot of opportunities for new beginnings after divorce. Wherever life may lead you, just know that you will always have a choice.

With everything said, there is no doubt that going through a divorce can be a scary time for anyone. Though it’s true that uncertainties are everywhere, the answers and help that you seek might be just a phone call away.

The post 10 Lessons Most Women Learn During Divorce appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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lessons daughters learn from divorce

12 Lessons Daughters Learn from Their Parents’ Divorce

lessons daughters learn from divorce

 

Women, and especially daughters of divorce, can put undue pressure on themselves to find the right partner, marry, and develop a happy home life. But if they possess this goal, it can present many problems. For the most part, women from divorced homes don’t have a healthy template to follow when it comes to nurturing and sustaining a committed relationship, making it difficult for them to know where to start.

The following lessons were derived from my own experience and conversations with over 300 women I interviewed for my book Daughters of Divorce.

12 Lessons Daughters Learn from Divorce:

1. Revisiting the past as an adult can help you heal. In order to overcome the legacy of your parents’ breakup, it’s essential for you to get a more balanced, realistic view of your parents’ divorce. Many women in my study discovered that a lot of their assumptions about the cause of their parents’ split were false after they examined it from an adult perspective.

As a result of gaining accurate information, many were better able to move forward with their lives (and in some cases forgive one or both of their parents).

2. Reevaluate your view of relationships and adjust your expectations. The reality is that with time people grow and change. This doesn’t mean love has failed. Simply because love doesn’t last forever doesn’t mean there was something wrong with it. If you are hard on yourself or your parents, you may need to adjust your standards.

3. Learning to love yourself is an inner journey that involves examining your past from a fresh perspective. Take the time to investigate any carry-over from past relationships that might impact current ones. As a daughter of divorce, you can be your own saboteur. Write a positive intention to accomplish each day; boost your confidence by setting a goal and achieving it.

4. Self-compassion is a life-long journey. You may believe that you’re being selfish when you take care of yourself, or you may be left feeling you don’t deserve to be loved or have to earn someone’s love. But these feelings are based on low self-esteem and not based in reality. Change negative self-talk into positive statements such as “I am getting stronger every day.” You deserve to be loved and cared for.

5. Establishing a healthy level of trust in a relationship is possible but takes time. When your first reaction is to act out of a place of mistrust, this shows a lack of confidence in yourself and your partner. Trust is a skill that’s built over time by observing consistency between your partner’s words and actions.

Learn to trust your intuition and instincts and extend trust to someone who demonstrates trustworthiness. Consider how much your mistrust is a remnant of the past or as a result of your partner’s present behavior. Listen to his or her side of the story before making accusations or issuing an ultimatum.

6. Practice being vulnerable in small steps. Being vulnerable and expressing your thoughts and feelings to your partner will allow you to build trust and feel more connected to them. Does your fear of intimacy translate into testing a relationship by picking a partner who is wrong for you or picking fights to get your partner to prove their love? Setting a goal of being more vulnerable and accepting of nurturing and support from your partner is crucial to enjoying a happy long-lasting relationship.

7. Emotional dependency isn’t love. If your relationship causes you to feel anxious or to question your sense of self, it may not be the best relationship for you. Ask yourself this question if you’re in a relationship: Is there something about the way my partner treats me that makes me a better person? If the answer is no, you may be settling for less than you deserve due to a fear of abandonment or of being alone. These are the two most common reasons women stay in relationships that aren’t meeting their needs.

8. It’s OK not to rush into a commitment. In fact, getting to know a partner over time is wise and can help you to gain confidence in your judgment. It’s important for you to feel relatively safe and secure before you make a commitment.

9. You expect a lot from your partner but you’re also a giver. Sometimes giving too much can cause you emotional pain but being a giver is something you take pride in. However, it’s key not to morph into someone else when you’re in a relationship with a taker who looks to you as their source of happiness and fun (and may have trouble being alone). If you’re a giver, be careful not to allow a taker to zap you of your time and energy.

10. Counseling, reading, and blogging are helpful supports and can help you cope. As you experiment with new ways of relating to others, giving and receiving feedback is essential to your personal growth.

11. Relationships are your teachers. As a child of divorce, you know the sting of loss and are fine-tuned to the signs of rejection and abandonment. However, whether they last three months or three decades, relationships can provide their participants with the love, understanding, and intimacy they need at the time. Often, the courage to end a relationship that is no longer meeting both partners’ needs shows the greatest strength.

12. Both chemistry and compatibility are essential aspects of a successful long-term relationship and it’s possible to have both. Keep in mind that you can determine what kind of relationship works for you. Love is a leap of faith and there are no guarantees. This is true for all people, whether or not they are a child of divorce.

As a daughter of divorce, intimate relationships and marriage may present many challenges to you, but you must also realize that you are also armed with your own strength to face and embrace them. Truth be told, all relationships end: through breakup, death, or divorce. Why waste time being preoccupied with the fear of your relationship ending?

The concept of a wedding, or even a successful marriage, may seem alien to you but commitment and possibly marriage can be a source of stability in an uncertain world and bring you happiness.

According to researcher Nicholas H. Wolfinger, marriage is still the preferred state for most people. In Understanding The Divorce Cycle, he writes: “Doubtless, many people who remain single throughout their lives are happy to do so, but marriage remains the normative experience for most of us: about 90% of Americans will wed at some point in their lives.”

In closing, the best relationships are ones born out of trust and vulnerability. In positive relationships, each partner approaches one another as an equal. The relationship doesn’t drain its participants; instead, it nourishes. A successful romantic relationship is where you feel at your best.

It is possible to be vulnerable with others without losing parts of yourself. By doing this, you’ll be able to restore your faith in love, trust, and intimacy.

Follow Terry Gaspard, MSW, LICSW on Twitter, Facebook, and movingpastdivorce.com where you can purchase her book Daughters of Divorce: Overcome the Legacy of Your Parents’ Breakup and Enjoy a Happy, Long-Lasting Relationship. Her new book “The Remarriage Manual” will be published in the spring of 2020 by Sounds True Publishers.

The post 12 Lessons Daughters Learn from Their Parents’ Divorce appeared first on Divorced Moms.



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