The Thriver’s Life Series – Guilt … Why You Feel It And How To Release It

The Thriver’s Life Series – Guilt … Why You Feel It And How To Release It


Guilt can feel confusing and I used to struggle with it terribly.

But I came to realise the ultimate truth – guilt does not allow you to be true to yourself, or authentically true to others either.

Guilt also causes many blocks in your healing, and keeps other people stuck in pain, suffering and stunted growth as well.

Come with me to this Thriver’s Life episode, where I go deeply into how releasing lingering guilt will accelerate your healing. As well as offer others the highest level of opportunity to also heal.



Video Transcript

Welcome to this Thriver’s Life episode, which is all about the next stages of expansion after narcissistic abuse.

Today I want to talk to you about guilt.

Guilt is a big thing.

It can really hold you back.

And even after dedicating yourself to your recovery from narcissistic abuse, it could still be lingering around. Maybe you haven’t realised how important it is to address it. And, how once you release it, there is such an acceleration in your healing.

In today’s episode, we are going to look at why you may still feel guilty, what the guilt is really about, and how to release yourself from it.

But before we get started, I’d like to thank each and every one of you for supporting the Thriver Mission and for sharing the truth that we can empower ourselves against narcissistic abuse and heal completely from it.

Okay so now let’s get started on today’s episode.


What Is Guilt?

Feeling guilty means that you are experiencing emotional distress regarding what you may or may not have done to another person.

We can also feel guilty regarding what we may or may not have done to ourselves.

Guilt in many ways is considered a healthy feeling. It means you have a conscience. It means that you care about other people. Usually, people who experience feelings of guilt are lovely people.

However, if it is such a great quality to have, why does it feel so crappy, and why does it keep us embroiled in situations that are not healthy for us?

There is a really good reason for this.

When you feel guilty, it means that there is confusion about what your own values and truths are and where your boundaries with somebody else do or don’t lie.

It can also be a sign of over responsibility and care to the detriment of your own responsibility and care for yourself.

The ultimate truth is that guilt is not allowing you to be true to yourself. Which means that you are not able to be authentically true to others.

Guilt also makes it exceedingly difficult for you to make mistakes, which all humans do, and be able to quickly be kind and honest to yourself and others about these mistakes.

Guilt often brings on attacks of shame, which means that it’s difficult to be open and honest about things and confront the sometimes messy and uncomfortable human interactions that we all must have, in order to be a part of true relationships.

Let me explain more about this …


Feeling Wrong When Valuing Yourself

Let’s imagine that you have somebody in your life who is disrespectful and even nasty. You know what they are saying is unhealthy for you. It feels like rubbish in your body every time you hear their damaging words.

If healed up enough, you can have the difficult conversations. You can honestly tell this person what it feels like when they speak to you like this, and how you would like for them to converse with you instead.

If you are really healed up and being true to your soul, you know how powerful it is to offer people an opportunity to rise up into a healthier relationship with you. You also know that, after asking for what you need, if they don’t have the resources or the desire to do this, that you are willing to set them free so that you can honour your soul’s sovereign right to be healthy.

For most of us, before the deep inner work, the thought of being this honest and/or ultimately walking away brings up a terror of being criticised, rejected, abandoned or punished for speaking up.

I have talked about these often as the fears of C.R.A.P.

Yet, as Thrivers, we start to understand that unless we can start to show up honestly with people in our life, there is a continuation of having to experience conversations and situations that are disrespectful.

This is not necessarily because other people are terrible, rather the deeper purpose of this is because we are undergoing the soul necessity of learning self-respect.

This is a deeper Quantum understanding that people treat us identically to the way that we treat and feel about ourselves, and that respectful empowered relationships can only be co-generated if we respect ourselves first.

And, we also understand that the evolutionary reason that we are experiencing disrespectful relationships is because we are carrying unresolved previous traumas from being disrespected in our past. Until these are cleaned up, we will receive “more of the same”.  And this will go on until we heal these parts of ourselves and can show up in a way that inspires and generates a change to “respect”.

Now, I promise you that all of this is leading somewhere in regard to guilt.

Let’s just say that you started backing away from this person. All of a sudden you were too busy, you make yourself scarce. You may even decide that you are unavailable or not home. Or maybe even get to a point where you just say, “I don’t want to see you anymore”.

Or maybe you just start getting all passive-aggressive around them. You don’t engage in conversations much. You go quiet.

Then guilt sets in. Were you too hard on this person? Do you have a right to wipe people out of your life, start ignoring them or barely have a word to say to them?

When we have entered the arena of “guilt” many questions and obsessions can arise.

It may be difficult for you to get resolution and peace around what happened or is still happening with this person.

What is this about?

What this is really about, is about you not being healed or comfortable enough to show up as being solid within your own body, being truthful about what it is that you need in order to feel respected.

I promise you this because I used to be one of these people. The people who don’t speak up with the truth about what they are really feeling and experiencing, are the people who struggle and suffer with the most guilt.

This is all about unfinished business. The reason why your choices now don’t land solidly and calmly in your body is that there are wounds and traumas within to release and resolve and heal from.


I Don’t Want to Hurt This Person

In regard to anyone that you need to say “no” to, tell the truth about how they’re treating you, or potentially pull away from, it may feel like you don’t want to hurt them.

But really, if you are truthful, you really fear getting hurt yourself.

Yet, now you already are, because you’re out of congruence.

These thoughts may be persistent, “Will this person start thinking that I am a bad person?”, “Will other people start believing I’m a bad person?”

You may tell yourself you don’t care, yet if you are honest with yourself you know that you do, and it’s not for the right reasons.

These are all the confusing and insidious feelings of guilt.

These unresolved feelings arise from the unmet, unhealed previous traumas of handing your power away in order to try to keep other people happy. These are deep wounds in the human consciousness of trying to appease others in order to be loved or safe.

These are often our unresolved beliefs from childhood, “If I keep you happy maybe you will love me” and “If I try to assert my own rights and truth you will hurt me” and so on and so forth.

This is not even to say that these people were narcissistic, because almost all of us came from the programming of, “children are seen and not heard” and are supposed to obey, rather than be able to express their own individuality, feelings and rights.

We have been programmed to “do the right thing”, often not realising that “the right thing” can be somebody else’s “right thing” and be completely wrong for us.

This is the conflict.

This is where guilt comes in. Guilt really goes like this, “I really don’t want to do this, but I feel guilty if I don’t do it”.

Or, “I really shouldn’t feel like this, but I do”.

Can you relate to this confusion? Can you see now how much this may have held you back in your life?

So, what would it take to become congruent with what you do want, as your Soul Truth, and following and living truthfully with what you feel?

It would require you first being honest with yourself and then being honest with others, and then making the choices that align with that truth.

Let’s now take this deeper …


By Acting Out of Guilt You Hurt Others

You may think that giving in to your guilt, and going along with others is the kindest and nicest thing you can do.

You may think that you’re the only one who is suffering as a result of your guilt.

That is totally not the truth.

Imagine if you stayed in a relationship because you felt too guilty to leave this person. That would mean you are there on false pretences. You are not offering them or yourself the opportunity to align with someone who is genuinely in love and matched with either of you.

Imagine if you go along with someone’s demanding behaviour because you feel too guilty to speak up and tell them that they are crossing your boundaries.

Not only are you engaging with them from resentment and lack of connection, but you also aren’t offering this person the opportunity to have reflected back to them their behaviour and become more self-actualised.

That’s not to say everybody can grow or change, but if you don’t honour the truth of yourself in your exchange with them, then you are never offering them the opportunity to do so.

Many people, non-narcissistic people, absolutely want your feedback and to have the opportunity to meet you at a higher level of genuine relationships as a result of you being honest with them.

If you stay stuck in your guilt and keep playing out the insidious lower-level exchanges with them, whilst refusing to step up to the plate (which is truly how we should be with the people who we love) then you deny them their possible evolution opportunity.

Neale Donald Walsch put it like this, “to allow an abuser to continue abusing is an act of abuse”.

I want you to really think about that.


Guilt Regarding Those We Have Hurt

I know we can feel terribly guilty about those we have hurt as a result of our own behaviour.

Personally, I suffered extreme guilt regarding what I put my son and other people through as a result of my own narcissistic abuse experience.

And, before I healed my guilt, I tried to make amends in really unhealthy ways. When I was trying to make up for what I had done, whilst hanging onto the horrific guilt inside of me, all I did was make matters worse.

I had to turn inwards to heal and release my own feelings of extreme guilt. Trying to fix other people to take away my guilt didn’t work. When I was still banging around in all the traumatisation of my victimisation guilt, I certainly wasn’t. I wasn’t even listened to. I wasn’t taken seriously.

The truth was I hadn’t taken myself seriously yet nor had I taken myself seriously inwards to do the real inner work.

This inner work was deeply between me and myself, and as a result of healing my feelings with Quanta Freedom Healing, and moving into emotional freedom, I was able to show up being genuinely, solidly and maturely remorseful.

Guilt had been replaced by acceptance. I deeply understood that all that had played out was not just for my evolution, it was for others as well. Rather than stay stuck in the trauma of the past, it was up to me to be a generative force leading by example.

I discovered, from this place, I was easily accepted and forgiven.

I also understood another phenomenon – that the deep healing on myself created a phenomenal shift in them as well. Such is the power of Quanta Freedom Healing.


How to Transform Guilt

The other side of guilt is absolutely glorious. The healing that occurs as a result of releasing our guilt is magnificent. It’s really magical.

We see so many people in the NARP community have unprecedented breakthroughs and acceleration in their healing when they focus on loading up, releasing and transforming the guilt with NARP Module work.

The best modules to use are Module One, the Source Healing and Resolution Module, and as always Module Six is powerful for guilt work, as well as releasing co-dependency and establishing healthy empowered boundaries.

I hope that I have inspired you to set yourself free from guilt. It’s one of the most important missions you will ever have.

And I’d love to help you get started on this. Please come into my free webinar where I explain to you more about this, as well as how NARP can transform your life, and I take you through a Quanta Freedom Healing where you can start releasing your guilt immediately.

To get this process started you can click the link at the top right of this video.

And as always, I look forward to answering your comments and questions below.



new chapter in my life: road sign that says new chapter

It’s Taken Me 20 Years But I’m Finally Starting a New Chapter In My Life

new chapter in my life: road sign that says new chapter


Divorce, Ex-Husband. Betrayal. Child support. Child custody. Splitting up costs, time, energy. When is it time for that part of your story to be done?

That’s the conundrum in divorce when you have children. But alas, someone seems to always keep that part of their story alive because one of the two parents is always left with the responsibility of raising the family more than the other.

Being the grown-up more than the other.

Being the breadwinner more than the other.

Being the responsible one.

The reminders of your ever-present past are always there. It would all be so easy, if you could just say, here’s your hat what’s your hurry! Ba-Bye!

I’ve been divorced for a very long time. But because my children were so young when the marriage ended, it felt like I was always standing at the base of a new mountain. Over and over I looked down to see my feet planted in front of one mountain after another.

Looking up, sighing and wondering how I was going to hurdle this next one. When your two children are an infant and toddler, you have many gates still to cross on the journey of their growth. And at every gate, you stand alone. Well, you stand alone when the one who wanted to flee, refuses to stand with you.

He might be uncomfortable; and God we can’t have that, now can we?

I remember a year after he left us for the other woman, my son’s kindergarten had an open house. It was one of the first official events where we were not together as a united front. We had gone to things at his preschool and though it was awkward, I don’t remember it being too bad. But things had changed as the divorce was progressing and the threats of what he wouldn’t agree to were lobbed at me like hand grenades.

Though we both attended his open house, we attended it as two separate people who were very far away from the day that little boy was born.

He wouldn’t stand next to me; He wouldn’t converse with me.

The teacher tried to speak to both of us about our son, but he refused to have a conference with both of us at the same time. I left that evening in tears because it was the first experience parenting with a total stranger. And it was humiliating. I got used to it however in the ensuing years. He would not have a parent/teacher conference with me ever again.

It also put so much pressure on our son too because he was embarrassed when teachers would always somehow mention the two conference requirements in front of his friends. It was a dialog that played over and over with my son and daughter for that matter for years and years.

“Why can’t you and Dad just do one conference?” How do you explain to a child that their Dad refuses to meet with their mom?

You can’t, so you just have to say that. It lasted all the way to my son’s college graduation. His lack of connection and inclusion that day too left me feeling somewhat humiliated and it brought back my anger for him. I just could not understand why his comfort must always precede everyone else’s.

My father used to tell me, “Karen, the day you don’t care anymore, IS THE DAY YOU JUST DON’T CARE ANYMORE!”

Starting a New Chapter In My Life

That day had finally come, but when it did my Dad had passed away. I made a point of going to visit him at the cemetery and verbally declaring out loud to him by saying, “DAD THE DAY HAS FINALLY COME! I JUST DON’T CARE ANYMORE!”

I don’t care if he shared a birthday!

I don’t care if he shared a First Holy Communion!

I don’t care if he shared a Christmas…. a graduation…a school play …. anything!

I didn’t care!

But they did! I kept making the requests on behalf of my children who just wanted the memory and experience to feel like their friends whose parents sat next to each other. I was already fine with his answer of “No” but always had to prepare them. Every time.

So, when is that part of your story over?

I still have another college graduation, weddings, and who knows what else that we will hold a shared interest in. But I think I can say to my Dad again, that…I JUST DON’T CARE ANYMORE! I think the time has truly come now.

That part of my story is indeed over.

I will still have to share car payments, doctors, dentist bills, and school costs for our daughter until she graduates college and is on her own. But I feel a strange sense of liberation.

I have reached this 20-year milestone. As I look over my shoulder, I see many nights of tears, and fear, uncertainties, loneliness, and dread as I raised a family all by myself. But as I look over the other shoulder, I see strength, convictions, a calm confidence, and a light now within me that has eluded me for two decades.

I am a 60-year-old single woman who has most literally sacrificed herself in order to raise two children to as close to the model I got in my upbringing. My goal was to give them security which came at the expense of my own.

But isn’t that what most parents do?

Most parents who can look past their own image, see that the real image of themselves has always been in their children. I have always believed that the real legacy one leaves, is in the lives we have touched while we were here on earth.

My ex-husband once told me when we were married that what he loved most about me, was my Bubbly personality. Over the past 20 years, I lost that part of me. I’m happy to say, that even in this strange time of Global Pandemic… I have regained that part of me.

I have regained it through the outpouring of love and support I have seen in my neighbors, family, and friends. And I have seen it with my own employer who selected me to continue working and did not lay me off. Good things come to those who believe, and I do believe that good things are on their way and I look forward to showing my Bubbly side to a new special someone.

I have learned that if we choose to straddle ourselves to fear and worry every day of the week, we rob ourselves of experiencing the real essence of life.

Yes, I was at one time, joyful and bubbly, and a basically happy person! I temporarily traded it all in for a scared, worried, and exhausted personality. I had abandoned that previous part of me, and I now want to pick it back up! I am finally letting go of that other part of my story. The one that caused me so much pain. I am voting for joy!

You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one!

So, if anyone is at the point of, YOU JUST DON’T CARE ANYMORE, put down the old chapter and turn the page to a new chapter. I’m just doing it now. It has taken me a while, but it feels good.

I wish all of us the very best with expectations of nothing short of sheer joy and peace and finding their own inner Bubbly! As Chris Cuomo would say, “Let’s Get After It!”

The post It’s Taken Me 20 Years But I’m Finally Starting a New Chapter In My Life appeared first on Divorced Moms.


life after divorce: happy woman in purple fur coat with sunglasses

Life After Divorce: Rebuilding, Reinventing, Reemerging

life after divorce: happy woman in purple fur coat with sunglasses


Ten years ago, I endured a painful trial I never dreamed I would have to face: I crawled, climbed, fell, and barely survived a high-conflict divorce, my own personal “valley of the shadow of death.”

It was expensive in every area: emotionally, mentally, financially, and physically. Looking back now from the mountaintop, I’m thankful for the woman it made me into.

That event was the catalyst for my passion: using my story to bring perspective, healing, and freedom to those who have been damaged from their past and stuck in stagnant mindsets.

Divorce is a scary, chaotic, and challenging event, no doubt about it. But there is a way for you to turn your loss into leverage, to rip off the shirt of shame and rebuild your life.

After years of helping clients break free from abusive relationships, I have developed a momentum creating formula:

Clarity + Purpose + Framework (healthy emotional and physical habits) = a BOLD new future.

Healing begins with the transforming of your mind. It begins when you decide to rise from self-pity, walk out of the victim mentality, and reemerge to thrive.

Using this formula will help you not only divorce with dignity but position yourself for an unstoppable chapter two. But it requires a couple of steps:

Stop obsessing and ruminating so you can gain clarity and emotional stability.

I know your mind feels like it’s in a blender. If you want the blending to stop – and all the doubt and mania that comes with it – you’ve got to flip the switch. You have the power to control your thoughts through meditation and mind-hacking.

Replaying how you got to where you are post-divorce won’t help you get to where you’re going; it actually causes deeper ruts in your brain and keeps you in the trauma. It’s time to let the past go and gain clarity by mastering your thought process.

Obsessing over the ways your marriage went awry will lead you to doubt your self-worth and question your ability to perceive reality accurately. After walking through your valley, the foundations of your healthy thought processes have been eroded; you have to dig deep into your mind to reconstruct from the ground up by reinventing your narrative for a clearer, calmer mind.

Identify problematic and self-limiting patterns to get rid of shame and guilt.

Your obsessive thoughts are leading you to practice problematic habits. And you get stuck in these habits because unjustified shame that you’ve carried from your partner as well as childhood is causing you to confine yourself to self-limiting beliefs and patterns. If you’re feeling discarded, not enough, scared, lonely; it’s time to recalibrate. Those feelings are potholes that will keep you from walking forward.

If you find yourself chasing after toxic people, striving to please people, or isolating yourself from people, you’re still practicing survival mechanisms that you needed before you escaped your trauma. I always encourage my clients to turn their loss into leverage; to use that loss to empower them to break free and press on.

When you shift your mindset and change your self-limiting patterns, you can stop doubting your competency, embolden your confidence, avoid those potholes, and pursue an intentionally architected life. 

Create an environment of structure and routine to architect a plan for your future.

It takes commitment and grit to leave one life behind for a new one, no matter how healthy the change is. Once your body, mind, and soul have a proper framework to help grieve and process through your divorce, then the excitement begins!

That’s when you begin to deeply learn who you are and refine your non-negotiables that serve to reinforce your freedom and healing. Recoding and rewiring your mind and then reorienting your routine through small actions will lead to immeasurable change.

Design and then create a physical environment that is comfortable for you and fill it with people who will support you and systems that will help you maintain your healthy habits. Then, in your daily routine, you’ll show up fully in your parenting, friendships, romantic relationships, and career.

You’re the architect of your life; each small action step you take is an investment into your future. We are all learning how to be brave and vulnerable despite our wounds. What often breaks us, makes us. And none of us have to live broken or limited to the blueprint we once used to build our life.

While at the time my divorce nearly swallowed me whole, little did I know who I would become because of it. In the end, I live in a place of gratitude for being broken wide open; otherwise, I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to pull back the curtain and get raw and real.

Now, I’m fully dialed in and have deep clarity and purpose. I’ve created a strategy and a framework to rebuild, reinvent, and reemerge strong, confident and emotionally intelligent. Just like a glow stick, I had to be broken so I could be a light to serve others through the process.

The post Life After Divorce: Rebuilding, Reinventing, Reemerging appeared first on Divorced Moms.


Learning/Relearning Life Skillsets After a Divorce

Learning/Relearning Life Skillsets After a Divorce

If you’ve just come out of a long term relationship, there are probably a handful of basic life skills that you may need to learn or relearn as you adjust to life on your own again.

The post Learning/Relearning Life Skillsets After a Divorce appeared first on Divorce Magazine.


Post Divorce Experiences: Become an Active Participant in Life!

Post Divorce Experiences: Become an Active Participant in Life!

Experiences are the zest of life. Try having new experiences post-divorce and do live vicariously through others’ adventures. Have your own.

The post Post Divorce Experiences: Become an Active Participant in Life! appeared first on Divorce Magazine.


Do Not Waste Valentine’s Day Mourning Lost Love: Celebrate the Love In Your Life Now

Don’t Waste Valentine’s Day Mourning Lost Love: Celebrate the Love in Your Life Now!

What makes you feel joy? Go ahead and do it! Celebrate love – on Valentine’s Day and every day of the year! Feel the joy of love rush through you non-stop.

The post Don’t Waste Valentine’s Day Mourning Lost Love: Celebrate the Love in Your Life Now! appeared first on Divorce Magazine.


Do Not Waste Valentine’s Day Mourning Lost Love: Celebrate the Love In Your Life Now

Do Not Waste Valentine’s Day Mourning Lost Love: Celebrate the Love In Your Life Now

 What makes you feel joy? Go ahead and do it! Celebrate love—on Valentine’s Day and every day of the year! Feel the joy of love rush through you non-stop.

The post Do Not Waste Valentine’s Day Mourning Lost Love: Celebrate the Love In Your Life Now appeared first on Divorce Magazine.


Life With The Narcissist Was Never Meant To Be

Life With The Narcissist Was Never Meant To Be


Ending a relationship with the narcissist can be devastating for your heart and soul.

I completely understand, because once upon a time, I felt this pain so significantly that I thought I would never recover.

The reason was that I was completely convinced that this relationship was meant to be – it wasn’t! Today, I know a completely different truth.

A truth, that ended up being even more gratifying, fulfilling and incredibly revolutionary for me.

I hope that the information that I share with you, will help set you free into relief, and your power and glory as well.



Video Transcript

I know that being with the narcissist can feel so right!

And, the struggle in these relationships is so gut-wrenching and confusing, because this person feels “so meant to be”.

Yet, I promise you that this is NOT the truth.

And, rather than this being such a devastation and disappointment to you, it is my deepest wish that today’s Thriver TV episode brings you incredible relief and freedom instead.

As well as the power to be able to let go and move on into your True Self and Life.

Okay, so before I get into this really important information, I’d like to thank all of you who have subscribed to my channel for supporting the Thriver mission. And remind you, if you haven’t yet done so, please do. Also, make sure that if you like this video that you give it a thumbs up.

Okay, so now let’s get started on this episode.


Why Does the Bond Feel “So Right”?

In many ways, the connection in the journey with the narcissist was meant to be (I’ll explain more about this later) … but this doesn’t mean that this person was supposed to LAST in your life.

It also doesn’t mean that you were meant to succeed in creating a healthy, happy and safe relationship with this person.

Relationships are such a powerful contextual field. The greatest lessons, evolution, and healing that we will ever experience, absolutely happens with people who are impactful in our life.

This may be a parent, or some other significant family member, such as a sibling who we would dearly love to have a beautiful relationship with.

Narcissists come in many shapes and forms, including intimate partners and spouses, as well as impactful people like business partners or bosses or even friends.

Or the narcissist may be someone who intimidates us, such as an authority figure or even a neighbour.

One thing is for sure, this person is not someone who we can easily dismiss, walk away from or just “get over”. Generally, narcissistic abuse comes with lots of entanglement, pain and heartbreak as well as the fear of repercussions.

Often, there is a lot on the line.

And, it is incredibly normal, when entangled with a narcissist to have the feeling that this is “meant to be”. That somehow you are meant to make things right and fix this relationship.

Or, your life will be impossible if you somehow don’t sort this out. It may be because you feel there is so much to lose if you don’t; all the things that you have worked so hard for all of your life, your property, resources, children, or the hope of love that you always believed that you could or should be receiving from this person.

Your connection to the narcissist may be fraught with necessity, obligation and responsibility. Or just downright fear.

But does this mean that the issues are meant to be brought to reconciliation with this person?

Or, really, is this journey forcing us to be released from our fears and limitations and truly anchor into honouring our own soul, regardless of what somebody else is or isn’t doing?


Your Inner Truth

We have been taught to assess our life logically. To look at our goals and what it is that we wish to achieve and then generate that life with the available resources that we have in life.

Maybe that is what you have been trying to do with the narcissist.

You may be trying to make this person act sanely, sensibly and decently. You may be lecturing and prescribing to them and trying to assert boundaries and even hold this person accountable.

Yet the twists and lies continue to abuse you and break you and your life apart.

When this happens, your Inner Being starts to disintegrate.

Which means that emotionally you become a wreck. You start to experience anxiety and depression, and even panic attacks triggered by not knowing what is going to happen next.

You are also battling the fact that somehow, it’s all spun back on you and made out to be your fault.

And, like myself (as well as all of us) realising the insanity of trying to make sense of this, whilst trying to explain fundamental basic human decency to someone who refuses to “get it”, is mental.

It’s also intensely emotional. We get sick. We break down. And then everything in our life that matters, as well as the people we love, start to break down as well.

Is it worth it?

Of course, it isn’t, and deep down, if we are honest with ourselves, we know this. Yet, it can feel impossible to let go of the belief that somehow we are meant to work this out, and/or “this is meant to be”.

I really want you to know, as compelling as this feels, it is not the truth. Your mind would love it to be the truth because this is the version of life that you’ve decided needs to be fulfilled, yet your Inner Being is screaming at you to wake up to just how traumatic and wrong this is.

I promise you that the truth of your life is coming from your emotional Inner Being. That is the part of you that is your God Self. It is your truth. Your truth is not what your mind would like it to be. And, until you start the self-partnering journey of healing from the inside out, as a Thriver Recovery, you may not have realised, yet, how true this is.

I know I certainly didn’t.


Are Other People Supposed to Grant us Safety, Love and Happiness?

I was determined and incredibly focused on fixing my marriage and making what I had convinced myself was “meant to be”, work.

I believed he was meant to love me. I believed he was meant to get well, treat me well, and be the man who I had decided was needed for me to be safe, loved and happy.

I was wrong.

I was horribly wrong.

And I hadn’t realised until my Thriver Recovery, that this had been a false premise that I have been hanging onto my entire life – that certain people needed to be a certain way, and treat me in a certain fashion in order for me to be happy and whole.

I hadn’t realised that this had caused me to hand my power away, so many times, in many areas of my life. In business, friendships, family relationships and even with authorities, as well as drastically in love relationships.

I had been defining myself from people outside of myself, rather than truly knowing how to be self-definitive and self-generative within myself.

And the reason, I hadn’t as yet “got it” was because my relationship with me wasn’t as yet healed.

As soon as I started to turn inwards to attend to the loving and the healing of my screaming, traumatised Inner Being back to wholeness, the entire truth started to drop into place.

As well as the reclaiming of myself, whereby I knew that he wasn’t meant to be my saviour. He was my messenger, forcing me to become my own healer and saviour.

Then, finally, everything in my life started to become healthy, safe and happy.


Your True Life After Narcissistic Abuse

I really want to share with you what your True Life looks like, and what is possible if you detach from the narcissist, turn inwards and start doing your Thriver Healing.

It is a life where you are connected to yourself deciding who and what is a match for you from the truth of your Inner Being, rather than looking out at people regarding who you should be or how you should behave.

You are able to be authentic, truthful and firmly grounded in what is or isn’t right for you.

Plus, you can back yourself enough to have the courage to speak up, have the difficult conversations, ask for clarification where necessary, and risk people not agreeing with you, or liking you as your authentic self.

Then, no more are you rolling around with disrespectful, painful and abusive people trying to get them to love and accept you or provide you with security or survival.

You can wake up every day of your life feeling safe in your body, safe in life and excited about being able to healthily make your choices, as well as have the inner solidness and integrity to know how to disengage, let go and walk away from those and that which doesn’t match your truth and limits.

The beauty of your True Self and Life is that it is no longer precariously poised on what a certain person is or isn’t doing, regardless of who this person is and “who” they are supposed to be in your life.

Rather it is being generated from WHO you are Being.

What you will discover, as a result of having a congruent, authentic and honest relationship with yourself, is that your life itself starts becoming congruent and aligned with the truth of you.

Your relationships up-level, they become anchored in honesty, integrity and care.

Your missions, purpose and opportunities increase.

Synchronicity starts to partner with you authentically. You’re in the right place at the right time and open to new possibilities.

You are so much more able to easily avoid the wrong turns in your life because no longer are you trying to turn crumbs into cookies.

You have expanded and opened up to a plenty and an abundance mindset, rather than a poverty and limited consciousness.

I can’t tell you the release you will experience when you will finally burst free into this trajectory that is your True Self.

I want you to know, with all my heart, that it was my recovery from narcissistic abuse that delivered me to that place.

Without having had been brought to my knees, and forced to release my traumas, limitations and previous abuse patterns, I would never have arrived there.

Because up until then, I had never had to face and heal these things.

This is what Thriver Recovery is all about; it is about meeting and releasing the trauma that has been horrifically triggered within you, to finally go free from it.

That is when you will know how “meant to be” this journey is.

If you understand what I’m sharing with you in this episode, I want you to pause this video and write “The truth of why this was meant to be, has set me free!”


In Conclusion

I absolutely validate that you are initially going to be feeling the incredible pain, heartbreak and even intense addiction to the narcissist.

And, I want you to know that these hideous, all-consuming feelings are so common with narcissistic abuse.

But, I also want you to know that there is a true healing solution for them that will grant you relief and clarity and power very quickly if you dedicate yourself to your Thriver Recovery.

In my free webinar, I can connect you to exactly how to achieve this, as well as allow you to experience a Quanta Freedom Healing directly in your body, to understand how this profound healing system can work for you.

I invite you to connect to my free webinar by clicking this link.

So, I really hope that this episode has explained to you what is really meant to be as a result of your connection to the narcissist.

Namely, you finally coming home to yourself.

And I can’t wait to help you get on this trajectory.

Okay, so, if you liked this video, please hit the like button and also share it with the people who you know need this information.

Also, if you want to see more of my new episodes please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released.

And, as always, I look forward to answering your comments and questions below.



How To Rebuild Your Life After Narcissistic Abuse (No Matter How Much You’ve Lost)

How To Rebuild Your Life After Narcissistic Abuse (No Matter How Much You’ve Lost)


There are so many losses after narcissistic abuse.  It can be daunting to lose yourself, your health, family and friends as well as resources and finances.

Today, I share how to rebuild your self, health, important relationships and financial prosperity after narcissistic abuse.

Regardless of how old you are, how damaged you feel, how much you have lost and even if you believe that recovery and rebuild is impossible.

I promise you it is possible when you know how.



Video Transcript

Losses are extreme with narcissistic abuse.

Loss of health, life force, resources, prosperity, and the energy, inspiration and hope to go forward and generate a new future.

I know how devastating this is, and I promise you I’ve been there on all these levels.

However, I want you to know there is a way to rebuild your life after narcissistic abuse. Myself, and so many others in this Thriver Community have achieved this spectacularly, against all odds and even despite so-called unhealable medical diagnoses.

By watching this video hopefully, I can inspire you to know that there is a wonderful life available for you after narcissistic abuse, no matter how much you have lost.

Today, we are going to look deeply at the different losses and how you can rebuild from them.

But before we do, I’d like to thank all of you who have supported the Thriver mission by subscribing to my channel. If you haven’t yet, please do. Also make sure that you hit the like button, and if you enjoy this video, share with others who you know it can help.

Okay so on to this episode!


Loss Of Self

After narcissistic abuse it is usual to feel like you’ve lost your life-force and your well-being.
You may even believe your life is over, and can’t imagine what it would feel like to be normal or healthy again.

Of course, initially we want things to change in our circumstances, such as the narcissist to be held accountable, or for some good fortune to turn everything around, or even for a wonderful person to come into our life to pick us up and save us from all of this trauma and devastation.

Maybe you just want to wake up from the nightmare that has become your life.

But the truth is no one is coming, and your Inner Being, which is the foundational basis of your entire life, is waiting for you to turn inwards and be your own rescuer.

And of course, initially you feel like you don’t have the health, sanity or inner resources to save yourself.

Yet, the total irony is we can’t recover and rebuild ourselves until we do turn inwards with the intention to be our own saviour.

Self-partnering is vital.

In fact, it’s crucial.

And the reason it is, is because it puts you back inside your body.

You may think that the anxiety, depression and trauma is a result of what has happened to you. Yes it is, however, it is continuing and not being resolved, if you don’t turn inwards to meet these conditions and heal yourself back to wholeness.

That is exactly what self-partnering is about, and it is the very first essential step of Thriver Recovery. In fact, it’s what the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP) is all about – learning how to turn inwards to find, load up, and release all of the trauma that is generating your trauma and abuse symptoms, and replacing this with your Highest Source, which creates the shift to heal you.

This process can’t happen without self-partnering.

As a result of self-partnering, you will organically start shifting into the knowing that you are lovable and worthy, and as an adult capable of generating your own security and survival.

This is when the prior abuse trauma from the narcissist and the narcissist’s attempts to derail and terrorise you will all melt away.

I promise you that these capacities don’t come from outside of you, they need to be healed up from inside of you.

By doing so you will evolve beyond the fractures, trauma, and anxiety of having handed your power away to abusive people who did not have your best interests at heart.


Loss Of People

Inevitably, as a result of narcissistic abuse, relationships in your life may get smashed to pieces.

It is horrifying how narcissists have the ability to smear you, discredit you and turn people in your life against you. You may have lost family members, friends, associates and maybe even been alienated from your own children.

I know that this is beyond cruel, and my heart goes out to you if you have experienced these dreadful things.

And I really want to inspire you to know that staying stuck in the terrible trauma and victimisation will only mean that these circumstances can’t shift in your life.

It is completely understandable why you would be stuck in these feelings, and I totally validate you in that place, but there is a much more effective solution and way to deal with this.

With myself, and so many other people that I have helped achieve true healing with NARP, we discovered that when we released the trauma of these terrible injustices, smearing and alienation that we suffered, our Inner Being shifted, and then the outer started to shift to match this.

This is how powerful we are – we are Quantum Creators from the inside out.

People come back. The narcissist gets caught out. Loved ones return.

All sorts of miracles happen. I promise you this with all my heart.

There are numerous people in this community who have been reunited with people and their children who they were alienating from (some for decades), as a result of letting go of all the pain, resentment and heartbreak with NARP modules.

The complete and utter irony is, when you are at peace and only feel love in your heart without pain regardless of the outer circumstances, that’s when the outer circumstances powerfully shift.

This is the secret to changing our life, including our most important relationships. When we use Quantum Tools to achieve this, it becomes powerfully possible.


Health Losses

So many of us have been devastated by terrible health conditions as a result of narcissistic abuse. Trauma creates this. Eventually, not just your emotions break down, but also your physical being.

I know so many people, myself included, who were given shocking diagnoses as a result of the breakdowns of narcissistic abuse. So many of us were told that our emotional, adrenal, or mental breakdowns as well as PTSD, fibromyalgia, adrenal malfunctions and nervous system disorders, such as agoraphobia, could never be truly healed and at best, we could only hope to manage them with medication and strategies.

This is not true recovery; this is simply trying to exist with the trauma generated symptoms of abuse still active within you.

Now myself, and so many others, know that there is a true recovery solution for our abuse symptoms. Namely, releasing the trauma from within your Inner Being that is generating these symptoms.

When you do this, you allow well being to enter the space where the dis-ease once was, and you have the ultimate potential to get well.

Maybe, even more well than you have been in your entire life, even before abuse.

This is the resurrection that is totally possible for you … truly.

Myself and so many others have achieved this, fully. We no longer suffer any narcissistic abuse trauma symptoms.


Financial Losses

A big part of narcissistic abuse is financial abuse. It is a widespread devastation in this Community.

So many people ask, “How DO I get over the financial abuse?”, “How can I leave when I am financially dependent on the narcissist?” and “How will I ever rebuild my life again?”

Financial abuse can be a dreadful injury in our life, and I promise you it was initially a massive challenge for me. Originally, I just wanted to somehow get up off the ground and rebuild what I lost. But the more I tried to do that, without facing my inner healing, the more powerless I felt.

I just didn’t have what it took to get up and get going again, and I wasn’t meant to. Because the time had come where I needed to deeply investigate and heal the reasons why I had suffered such financial devastation at the hands of abusers.

Something incredible happened when I started to clean that up. I felt relief, I felt wholeness inside that was no longer reliant on me having to have a certain thing or be a certain way.

It was just an organic peace. And from that place, with newly formed and anchored-in belief systems regarding my ability to be a generator of prosperity, with all of the healthy components of life, I started to blossom.

I was able to start actualising a rebuild from complete and total financial devastation. Solutions and assistance came. Support came. Opportunities and synchronicity and even miracles started entering my life granting me the abundance that I was already feeling in regard to loving and accepting myself unconditionally, regardless of what I did or didn’t have in my life.

I have seen so many Thrivers in this community rebuild their lives financially after narcissistic abuse, as a result of releasing and healing their internal financial traumas with NARP.

Many of these people were in midlife and beyond. Some of them had not worked for decades, and were even left with zero finances or shocking debt as a result of the abuse.

Yet, they were able to come back in ways and timeframes that were astounding, once the trauma was released and Life Force, in abundance, was able to flow through them as them.

And I know, as a result of deeply working on your Inner Being with my Quantum Tools in NARP, that you will have exactly the same opportunity to turn it all around.


How Our Losses Are Deeply Interconnected

I completely and utterly believe that a relationship with self, health, others, and finances is all deeply interconnected.

To holistically become healthy, whole, self-generative and flourished and nourished by Life Force itself, as well as being able to abundantly expand and express our mission and purpose on this planet, all of these areas of our life require our inner attention.

These are the four areas that we commonly experience grave loss in as a result of narcissistic abuse, and the good news is that we can directly address them to heal them beyond description.

You see, there is an incredible radical compensation that occurs after narcissistic abuse, when we turn inwards, to claim and activate the healing of Self. What wasn’t right, resets to becoming healthier than we could ever imagine in our wildest dreams.

That is the Thriver Way!

And I can’t wait for this to be your Thriver reality as well.

If this is what you want for you, take the stand with me by pausing this video and writing below “It is my time to reclaim my self, soul and life!”

Okay, so now, you can check out my NARP program, that will activate deep healing for you, by clicking this link.

If you haven’t yet subscribed, I’d love you to please do it, so that you will be notified about each new episode when it is released.

Please also share this video with the people who you know have experienced terrible loss as a result of narcissistic abuse. The people who you know need hope and a solution.

And as always I look forward to answering your comments and your questions below.



Exactly How Narcissists Screw With Your Mind, Toxify Your Body And Destroy Your Life

Exactly How Narcissists Screw With Your Mind, Toxify Your Body And Destroy Your Life



Narcissistic abuse is mind and soul bending and many people are shocked at how hard it is to recover and reclaim your mind, body and life.

Obsessive thoughts can continually haunt them so they feel like they have been taken over by a hideous emotional virus.

In today’s Thriver TV episode, I explain how this happened, as well as how to take your power back to not only emerge from this as healed, whole and vibrant …

But also, completely inoculated against this ever happening to you again in the future.




Video Transcript

Narcissistic abuse is mind and soul bending.

Being hit by a narcissist is akin to being hit by a freight train. So many people are shocked to discover that they simply cannot get up off the ground and just get on with life anymore.

I know that is likely to have been your experience as well.

And, it is terrifying how much your brain feels scrambled.

The obsessive thoughts continually haunt you and you feel like you have been infected with a hideous emotional virus that literally takes over your nervous system and ability to function.

In addition to this, so many areas of your life may be under siege and falling apart.

Narcissists commonly destroy people’s lives and literally rip them to pieces emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually and financially. The effects of this also impact everyone and everything that is dear to you.

This is a total breakdown experience that no one could even begin to imagine unless they have been through it themselves.

Alright, so before we delve deeper into exactly how narcissists destroy your life, as well as how you can recover from this, I want to thank all of you for supporting my Thriver Mission.

And, if you haven’t yet subscribed I’d like to remind you to please do. Also, please give this episode a thumbs up if you enjoy it.

Now let’s go deeper with this information today.


How Do Narcissists Get In?

Narcissists are highly skilled at infiltrating your mind, emotions, soul and life.

How do they do this?

I really hope that you are ready to hear this with openness and the desire to heal from narcissistic abuse for real. Because the truth really does set us free, when we accept it.

100% I validate that narcissists are predators who are on the lookout for sources of supply, meaning they are after what they can take from people. And it is shocking what they do. Yet, it is a fallacy that a narcissist can abuse just anybody.

As was the case in my life, and so many others, we did not, as yet, have a solid enough Inner Identity to have powerful boundary function. Meaning the ability to trust ourselves, speak up, say no when necessary, and be emotionally whole and powerful enough to do the necessary due diligence before letting somebody into our life.

This provided a way in. It was a crack in our integrity of self. Narcissists are skilled at identifying where your boundaries aren’t solid and capitalising on this.

This is how narcissists do this – they sum you up and they fact find. They know how to discover what it is that you feel still hurts in your life, what is missing, or whatever it is that you believe you can’t generate for yourself.

Now, all the narcissist has to do is position themselves as the granter or saviour of this “missing piece”. Then we feel like we can trust them. Then we even feel like we need them. We may even feel like this is the person we’ve been waiting for our entire life.

This creates a powerful chemical connection to this person.

This is one of the most confronting things that I had to face myself. Yet, it was what finally emancipated me from not just the trauma of my abuse symptoms but granted me the confidence and power to know I would never allow abuse in the future.

What were my susceptibilities, fears and insecurities that made me a prime target for narcissists, and allowed them to get in through my boundary gaps?

The following … I was too trusting of people. I didn’t do my necessary due diligence to firmly ascertain their true character before letting them into my heart, bed, body, businesses and finances.

I was scared of backing my inner warning bells and having the difficult conversations that meant that I might be susceptible to people reacting to my questioning, or boundaries, or rights, meaning that they could reject, abandon or punish me for speaking up.

So many people who have been soul penetrated by narcissists have also carried the fears of C.R.A.P.

I am certainly not alone!

The members of this community, who have become successful Thrivers, have also done their inner inventory and devoted the time and effort to heal up those parts of themselves, like my own, that made them highly susceptible to unscrupulous people who did not have their best interests at heart.

A dear friend of mine, Cheryl, also suffered some “gaps” that narcissists were able to slip into her life through. Because she didn’t believe she could be safe and uphold boundaries on her own, unconsciously (like so many of us) she wanted somebody big, strong and assertive to do that for her.

As a result, the people who came into her life, were not a rock for her, they turned out to be a hammer instead.

These people were not relieving Cheryl of her inner insecurities, rather they brought her the evidence of them.

It’s so important to understand that this doesn’t mean Cheryl was blaming and shaming herself for being abused, just as she wasn’t excusing narcissistic behaviour.

Rather it granted her the true solution!

By realising this susceptibility, this granted her the personal power to heal these parts of herself to stop handing power over to people who were hurting her. After healing these parts, Cheryl discovered that she no longer felt any attachment or a need to try to change these people, so that they would love and care for her.

Rather, she felt a complete disconnect from them, and absolutely no desire to be with them anymore.

Thus, breaking free into a completely different love and relationship trajectory.

Cheryl is now in a relationship with a beautiful man, who reflects back to her the care, love and power that she has now been able to take full responsibility for and establish within herself. By becoming her own rock, she received the matching partner.

We may not have realised the following, because it has been our “normal” – that we may have unconsciously been trying to get somebody to love us to take away the pain.

Yet, as a match for our unhealed Inner Being, they were only ever going to supply more of the same pain.

This is what narcissists do.


How We Have Been Programmed to Be Exploited

The sensible, healthy adult thing is to do what Cheryl did, heal oneself up in order to achieve the healthy outcome – taking your time to get to know people before committing your emotions, soul and resources to them.

Sadly, so many of us have been indoctrinated into the “fairy tale illusion”. We have been conditioned to be emotionally reckless; believing that getting caught up in the moment is the right thing to do.

I often jokingly say that I used to put more effort into choosing a pair of shoes than a love relationship.

In many ways, this was true and very frightening!

I was incredibly susceptible to love bombing and someone purporting to be the provider of what I wanted. If a potential partner was tall, charismatic, and intelligent and seemed to empathise with me feeling unseen, unheard and unsafe, then I really used to believe that I’d hit the jackpot!

We believe in love at first sight! We believe in an instant bond with our soulmate!

But what we may not realise is these deep chemical attractions can be a deep inner part of us desiring the resolution of our childhood wounds. The wanting of our mother or father to do it differently than what they did.

Here is the grand dichotomy in all of this – the person who appears in our life, who we feel chemically bonded to, is offering the promise of taking away the pain of our unresolved childhood wounds. Yet, as it turns out, they end up being the person who delivers an even more severe level of the trauma of our childhood wounds.

At first, we are not initially awakened enough to realise what is really going on, and why we are experiencing such a powerful chemical hit and attraction. Generally, we simply fall straight into this relationship, because it feels so “right”.

Plus, people in your life are telling you to get out there and meet somebody new. You may feel the stigma of being un-partnered or unmarried. Maybe you feel like your biological clock is ticking away and you need to find somebody to settle down with to start a family.

Or maybe you have seen your ex-partner move on quickly and feel the desperate injustice that you haven’t been able to yet.

It is only conscious and evolving people who will tell you the truth. A healing hiatus is needed with yourself, to change your inner love code and the relationship patterns that have been playing out, so that you can go forward into life experiencing a completely different reality.

And what it takes is this: to become at one, whole and fulfilled within yourself first.

Sadly, our programming has always kept us separated from the taking back of our power with radical personal responsibility, to get out of this terrible pattern.

Rather, we have been programmed to be victims and blame people who have hurt us, and then try to change them so that they can love us healthily.

And, we can jump up and down and exclaim that it is disgusting that people behave like this. But in no way does this allow us to heal and get better and get out of these patterns. All it does is further entrench us in them.

And when it doesn’t work, we may try to find somebody else to take the pain away. And then discover that often we are falling into the same pattern and meeting the same person, just with a different face.

If you are sick and tired of these quick fixes which don’t provide durable happiness, you may be ready to understand that only one truth will suffice. You must turn inwards to heal your relationship with yourself, and only you can do that.

One of the benefits of narcissistic relationships, as brutal as they are, is that they bring us to our knees to realise this. And this is where personal catharsis can begin.

The real truth is, as adults we are responsible for our own boundaries, it is not anybody else’s job. We are not children anymore. If we hand our power away and blindly expect somebody else to look after our well-being, emotions, boundaries and life-force, then we are highly susceptible to being not just taken advantage of, but also horribly abused and even desecrated.

Such is the case with narcissistic abuse.


How The Damage Deepens

Because the narcissist purports to be the person who will finally love us like no other and grants us our wholeness, this creates a powerful and quick bond.

Sooner or later the mask will drop. The mirage can’t continue, and the narcissistic behaviour starts to appear.

Far from being the saviour of our deficiencies, insecurities or things in our life that we feel like we can’t generate for ourselves, the narcissist now switches and starts attacking these things.

So, the person who was loving, romantic and truly was seeing you and being there for you, now starts emotionally and literally criticising, rejecting, abandoning and punishing you.

He or she will start messing with your head and emotions and start sucking resources from your life. The entitlement becomes apparent; the relationship becomes less about you and so much more about what the narcissist is or isn’t getting.

By remaining attached, you will be trauma bonded beyond description, fighting with insanity trying to get sanity, safety and comfort. Yet, every time you try to force the narcissist to be healthy, they will line you up and damage you even more ferociously.

Now you’re on a sinking ship, trying to salvage what you can, whilst the toxic levels of trauma and stress in your being reach a critical mass, breaking down your nervous system health, sanity and emotional structures until you literally feel like you are crumbling.

Your capacity to be able to deal with virtually anything becomes severely diminished.

Narcissistic abuse, before awakening to the truth, is a one-way trip to your personal demise, on so many levels and can even become extremely dangerous for you personally, as well as seriously impacting those you love.

What is the lesson in this?

At the Quantum Truth level, the message is clear – “Let go and heal”, that’s what this soul contract was always about.


How To Reverse This

There is no way you can engage with a narcissist and get relief and emancipation from this.

True evolution from this is an inside job.

The narcissist is not your solution. You are, and this requires detaching, facing and doing the necessary healing within yourself.

This is a make or break deal.

If you really get this now and understand, please pause this video and write below, “I’m turning inwards to become my own true saviour now!”

This is vital, because the breakdown either continues and increases, or the breakdown transforms into an incredible breakthrough of personal evolution – where you can heal and claim your true essence which is: self-love, self-worth and the sanctity of your own soul, emotions and life.

I hope that this has helped you understand how the narcissist has, or does, rip your life apart, and has started to grant you the hope that there is a true solution to get up and out of this.

I really want you to know that there is a definitive way to heal and release yourself from all of the symptoms of narcissistic abuse, as well as never being susceptible to having your soul, heart and life torn to pieces again.

It is such a beautiful feeling when you realise that you have made it through to this level!

I can’t wait to help you get there!

The best way that I can help you get there, is by you joining my Free Masterclass. If you didn’t make it, you can watch the replay, by clicking this link.

I can’t recommend enough that you do this!

Because in this free event you will learn about the exact step-by-step process, which has proven successful for thousands of people from over 120 different countries, to help you make a full Thriver Recovery too.

And, if you enjoyed this video please give it a thumbs up and please know that if you subscribe to my channel, you will be automatically notified when my two new episodes are released each week.

And as always, I look forward to your comments and questions below.