Benjamin Redic says that society – and our military in particular – need to support marriages to help them survive and thrive.



Darrin Robinson, one of the directors of the North Texas Minority Coalition, is adamant about standing for and supporting …


Surviving Marriage During the Coronavirus Quarantine

Surviving Marriage During the Coronavirus Quarantine

Living in such close quarters during coronavirus may cause some strife during marriage. Here are tips on surviving marriage during qurantine.

The post Surviving Marriage During the Coronavirus Quarantine appeared first on Divorce Magazine.


marriage will end in divorce: unhappy couple sitting on the couch

How To Know If Your Marriage Will End In Divorce

marriage will end in divorce: unhappy couple sitting on the couch


Does the thought of coming home to your spouse make you feel good or does it cause a wave of anxiety to wash over your whole body?

If you answered the latter, you may be experiencing signs of an unhappy marriage.

Relationships are supposed to make you feel special. A good partner should bring you comfort and joy, not make you feel unloved, underappreciated, or abused.

If the COVID-19 scare has taught us anything it’s that life is too short to spend it with someone who treats you like garbage.

Are you in an unhealthy relationship?

7 Ways to Know if Your Marriage Will End in Divorce

1. You can’t see anything good anymore

When you first met your spouse you likely thought they were one of the funniest, most charming, most attractive people you had ever met. Their great qualities shone like a lighthouse and you were the ship lost at sea!

The longer you are in an unhappy marriage, the darker your spouse’s great qualities will shine. But their negative qualities? Oh, they’ll shine like the Sun!

If you have tried everything -date nights, marriage therapy, techniques for effective communication – and you can’t seem to change the trajectory of your relationship, it may be a sign that it’s time to call it quits.

2. There is a severe lack of intimacy

Sex is more than a fun way to spend an evening with your spouse. It’s about so much more than teasing and orgasms – it’s about intimacy and connection.

When you are intimate with your partner, be it by having sex or just cuddling, your body releases a hormone called oxytocin.

This hormone is responsible for bonding, trust, fidelity, and mood elevation. It’s what makes you fall deeply in love with your partner.

A relationship that lacks any form of physical intimacy shows clear signs of an unhappy marriage.

3. Your partner is being replaced

Do you find you are slowly starting to replace your partner? Do you confide in others the way you used to confide in your partner? Or maybe you have started having an emotional affair with someone outside your relationship?

If you are pushing your partner away in favor of someone else, it’s a clear sign that you are unhappy in your marriage.

4. You’re always looking for a way out

Do you ever fantasize that you were someone else?

Or maybe you’re still yourself, but you’re living a different life far, far away from your spouse?

One of the biggest signs of an unhappy marriage is constantly looking for or daydreaming about a way out of your relationship.

Maybe you’ve dreamed about being romantic with someone else or have even gone as far as looking up apartments out of town? If so, these are some clear warning signs that you are in an unhappy relationship.

If you were in a happy marriage you would feel peaceful, content, and happy to be around your partner, but if they are causing you misery or making you feel like your worst self, you may find yourself wondering what it would be like to be far away from your current life.

5. The fights have stopped

If you say “I and my partner never fight!” You may think this is a good thing, but the truth is that silence is one of the biggest signs of an unhappy marriage.

For most couples, the thought of arguing is an exhausting sign that there are problems in the relationships, but when couples argue it’s actually a sign that they care about the relationship enough to debate over a matter.

Fights can lead to deep intimacy (make-up sex, anyone?) and boost trust between partners. Not to mention that when done right, fighting can boost a couple’s communication skills.

Couples who withdraw from one another are basically waving a white flag saying that they’ve given up on being happy together.

6. You never listen to each other

Listening is just as important as talking when it comes to the great wide world of communication. When you listen to your spouse, you show them that you respect their opinion and value what they say.

Here are the top signs that your communication is poor and you may be headed for a break-up.

  • Partners frequently interrupt each other
  • Never communicating thoughts or feelings
  • Employ “the silent treatment” to get one’s way
  • Disregard or minimize spouse’s thoughts and opinions
  • Immediately get judgmental instead of choosing compassion

Communication and listening are both very important in a healthy marriage. If a couple has given up trying to express themselves to one another (about important and minute subject matters)

7. You’re always feeling bad about yourself

A healthy marriage should make you feel special. You should feel good about yourself. That’s not to say that great relationships should have you feeling on top of the moon every day, but if you were in a healthy relationship you wouldn’t constantly be thinking about how you feel. You would just be happy.

One of the biggest signs of an unhappy marriage is constantly feeling unworthy of your partner’s love, feeling belittled, or feeling like you don’t matter.

If your relationship shows one or more signs of an unhappy marriage listed above, we feel for you! It isn’t easy to be with someone who makes you feel miserable or unworthy. Seek marriage counseling to cope with the emotional problems in your relationship and remember that you should never stay in a toxic marriage if your partner isn’t willing to change.

The post How To Know If Your Marriage Will End In Divorce appeared first on Divorced Moms.


Should A Marriage License Come With Warnings?

Should A Marriage License Come With Warnings?

Potential new pamphlets to accompany marriage licenses may list rights and obligations from marriage and on divorce.

The post Should A Marriage License Come With Warnings? appeared first on Divorce Magazine.


Lessons From “Marriage Story” That Can Save Your Marriage

5 Lessons From “Marriage Story” That Can Save Your Marriage And Your Sanity

Lessons From “Marriage Story” That Can Save Your Marriage


Everybody is talking about the movie “Marriage Story.”

The media has been weighing in on the quality of the film, the performances, the awards, what is realistic and what is not. Is it a story about marriage or about divorce? Forums and social media exploded with discussions taking sides about who is right and who is wrong.

The most valuable lesson of this film, however, has remained unexplored: “Marriage Story” is a cautionary tale about a marriage that could have been saved and the unnecessary ugliness of divorce.

If you are contemplating divorce, take some cues from “Marriage Story” as a starting point to explore the state of your union and deepen the communication with your partner before heading to court.

While the brilliance of the film is getting most of the attention, perhaps the greatest value of “Marriage Story” is that it provides a framework for couples in trouble to witness the traps that lead to a toxic divorce, so they can avoid them.

Even though Charlie and Nicole’s marriage didn’t have a happy ending, you can learn from their mistakes.

Here are five takeaways from “Marriage Story” that can spare you from a painful divorce:

Lessons From “Marriage Story” That Can Save Your Marriage

Before calling it quits, evaluate whether your marriage can be saved

Charlie and Nicole’s marriage could have been saved.  Maybe yours can be saved, too.

While the movie begins with the couple already in divorce mediation, as we glimpse into their relationship, we realize that Charlie and Nicole had enough going for them to make their marriage worth fighting for. They deeply loved each other, enjoyed parenting together and shared a passion for the performing arts.

If you still love your spouse, do not rush to a lawyer’s office. Do emotional inventory first and determine if you and your partner should give your marriage one last chance.

Tackle marital problems early on

Once you get to the point of no return, there is no way back! Do not let your marital problems fester until you can’t take it anymore. Nicole’s grievances could have been resolved if she had spoken up sooner and made clear to her husband that these problems endangered their marriage. Talk to your partner about the issues that trouble you and give him or her a chance to do the same.

Support your partner but not at the expense of your identity

Supporting your spouse is key to any marriage, but it should never be done at the expense of your fondest dreams. A promising actress, Nicole sacrificed her aspirations to become the supportive wife of an up-and-coming theater director. Over time, this “lesser” role led to resentment until she felt too stifled to go on.

We all deserve self-fulfillment. Strive for balance in your relationship and rebalance when things are becoming one-sided. Continue to pursue your passions and make it clear to your partner that they are necessary for your happiness.

Control your divorce process: do not let the divorce process control you

Even if your marriage can’t be saved, you still have control over the divorce process. Do not allow reactivity and clinging to unreasonable positions to blind you from reaching a fair result. In “Marriage Story,” Charlie’s insistence on being a “New York family” unleashed a series of events that fueled reactivity from both partners until what begun as an amicable divorce turned toxic.

Divorce is an emotional rollercoaster and there will be times when you lose your cool. In volatile situations, step back instead of firing back. Do not be afraid to walk away when things are getting out of control to avoid saying and doing things you will regret later. When negotiating a settlement, seek solutions that make sense and lead to the highest good instead of stubbornly insisting on having your way.

Choose your lawyers with care

Contrary to popular belief, there are no winners in a divorce. Charlie and Nicole may have saved themselves money and grief if they had worked with different lawyers. Before you file for divorce, investigate the reputation of your local lawyers and select one whose values align with yours and your priorities.

Even with the best of intentions, not all marriages can be repaired. But practicing the above tips will increase the odds of living happily ever after—with your current spouse, in a new relationship or alone.


This article was originally published on and reprinted with permission from the author.

The post 5 Lessons From “Marriage Story” That Can Save Your Marriage And Your Sanity appeared first on Divorced Moms.


Marriage Story : 4 Lessons for Divorcing Couples

Marriage Story : 4 Lessons for Divorcing Couples

From the outset of a divorce, parents should be vigilant in thinking about how their actions impact the children.

The post Marriage Story : 4 Lessons for Divorcing Couples appeared first on Divorce Magazine.


Dropping the “D Bomb”: How to Tell Your Husband Your Marriage Is Over

Dropping the “D Bomb”: How to Tell Your Husband Your Marriage Is Over

Contemplating divorce? Your first divorce conversation sets the tone for a respectful process and must be planned with care. Before you tell your husband you want out, consider these helpful pointers and handle this difficult conversation with poise and grace.

The post Dropping the “D Bomb”: How to Tell Your Husband Your Marriage Is Over appeared first on Divorce Magazine.


The Real Story Behind “Marriage Story”

The Real Story Behind “Marriage Story”

Rich or poor, the currency is communication. The challenge is to hire a divorce professional (or team) to help get you to the finish line with preserving dignity, civility – -and, most importantly, if there are children, the priceless co-parenting relationship.

The post The Real Story Behind “Marriage Story” appeared first on Divorce Magazine.


my bad marriage

My Bad Marriage: Why I’m Not Leaving…Yet

my bad marriage


Why I’ll “wait and see” about my marriage (even though we don’t have sex!).

Marriage is not going so well for my husband Tod and me. Our fifth anniversary approaches, and we haven’t had sex in more than a year. We’ve buried our feelings about that deep. We also avoid talking about finances and children, and anything else you could file under the category “future hopes.”

Outside of an hour of couple’s therapy every week, we go about our lives as if nothing were amiss—running our household, dining out with friends, and catching new movie releases on Friday nights. We’re good pals. (Yawn!)

When marriage promises so much more—stability, growth, intimacy—why am I content to stay put? In short, there’s work to do, and I’m not talking about forever anyway. For the near future—six months, a year, maybe two—here are the ties that bind.

My Bad Marriage: Why I’m Staying, For Now

1. I’m giving myself a break. 

I wasn’t always content to wait and see. In fact, I was nearly out the door earlier this year. Frustrated with our deteriorating rapport and needing space where I could think straight about the future I wanted for myself, I set out looking for an apartment of my own, crunching and re-crunching numbers to see what I could afford and worrying about breaking the news of separation to family and friends.

The worst two months of my life ensued. Stress, broken-record thinking, and fear of loneliness—and about what others might think—had me crying every night. I couldn’t get out of bed to face each new day. Figuring out how to rip apart a union, even an imperfect one, is agony. Needing a rest, I decided to focus instead on the silver lining of our relationship and to gather my reserves for another go at serious contemplation later.

2. He makes life easier and even sometimes more fun. 

Tod may not be my ideal life partner, but he’s a sweet guy who would give you the shirt off his back… or clean the bathroom even if he thinks it’s clean enough but you’re hell-bent on sparkling tiles in time for your visitors yet have no energy left to scrub them yourself. He’s also enthusiastic about checking out new restaurants with me, or just catching the ball game on TV from the couch, cold beer in hand.

While for better or worse we ignore our deep-seated issues around sex and money, we enjoy laughs together and keep each other amused. Life without him would require me to find new fun. If that sounds lazy, and you wonder just how much the bigger issues matter to me, remember, I’m giving myself a break at the moment. (See #1.)

3. It would be arrogant to think there’s no hope. 

The work Tod has done to improve himself in the last year is amazing. He went from avoiding any sort of therapeutic situation to undertaking both individual and couples therapy. And while I say I’m sitting back and relaxing at the moment, that’s relative. I always strive to make each day happier for us than the last. And in couples therapy we’re learning to communicate better. There’s potential, and to refuse it some time to reveal itself fully would not be fair.

4. I need to save some money of my own. 

Due to my admittedly insane and overblown need to “pay my own way” and not depend on a man, we’ve always kept our money separate. The thing is, Tod, earns three times as much as I do, and so after paying our bills, his disposable income is considerably higher. He is a generous guy, and he supports me in ways that remain well enough below the radar to avoid offending my independent sensibilities—he unassumingly picks up the check at dinner and forgets to ask for my share of the grocery bill.

If I leave, however, that’s the end of his help, and with no family to count on, it’s also the end of my safety net. It will be some months before I can save up for an apartment of my own. I’m not in any danger at home with Tod, so I have the luxury of being practical about this and can wait until I have more funds available.

5. Life is hard. 

Let’s face it: Life isn’t easy. Separating would be hard, but so would staying together forever. To think we can make it through life and without effort is naïve. So which challenge is the right one for me—rework this partnership into something more fulfilling, or separate and start anew?

If I’m at all uncertain (which I am), a bold move would be foolish indeed. With all the challenges life throws at us—for me, an alcoholic brother and father with rapidly progressing Alzheimer’s Disease come to mind—perhaps a supportive friend is more important than an intimate partner. Not sure I’d take that in the long term, but it’s something to think about.

So I’m biding my time, and meanwhile being kind to myself and gentle with Tod. After I’ve put in a good-faith effort in couples therapy and saved a bit more of my own money, I’ll reassess. If there’s a chance at all that in the next year or so I’ll be starting the long, painful process of extricating myself from a life lived together with Tod, I’d like to enjoy the calm before the storm.

The post My Bad Marriage: Why I’m Not Leaving…Yet appeared first on Divorced Moms.