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move away with the child after divorce: mother and daughters surrounded by moving boxes

What Happens When a Parent Wants to Move Away With The Child After Divorce?

move away with the child after divorce: mother and daughters surrounded by moving boxes

 

Sharing custody of a child can be a difficult endeavor, even in the best of circumstances. However, things get more complicated when one parent wants to move somewhere far away from the family’s current area. Such a move can mean personal and financial growth for the moving parent, but it can cause issues with the other parent and the child custody agreement.

When a Parent Wants to Move Away With The Child After Divorce

Moving far enough away to create issues with the child custody arrangement is considered a “material change in circumstances.” This term means that the parents must either come to an agreement about the new situation or revisit the custody agreement in court. Either way, parents on either side of the equation can feel uncertain and nervous. That’s why it’s essential to understand how Canadian law addresses these issues.

Do I Get Custody Access if the Other Parent Moves?

When a parent wishes to move away with the child, it does not immediately or automatically change the custody agreement. Instead, parents must follow what their agreements say about material changes in circumstances. In most cases, parents have to either come to a new agreement together or go to the courts to settle the issue. This can play out in many ways, depending on the facts of the case.

If the primary caregiver tries to move away with the child, there are three possible outcomes:

  1. The judge and/or other parent allows both the child and parent to move
  2. A judge determines that the child must stay in the local area, but the parent moves anyway without the child
  3. A judge rules that the child must stay local, so neither parent moves

In the first scenario, the parent and child move, but the judge makes a new custody agreement for the parents. The other parent may get to see the child often but for longer stretches of time. For example, a father may go from seeing the child every-other-weekend to having custody over long school breaks and a few weeks in the summer.

The second scenario may cause the biggest change in custody. If a judge determines that it is not in the best interest of the child to move, but the parent wishes to leave anyway, the other parent may get primary custody. For example, if a mother has custody and wants to leave the state, but the father takes the case to court. If the court rules that the child must stay nearby and the mother decides to leave anyway, the father will get primary custody. The mother may then see the child during long school breaks.

Of course, many parents would rather stay in place than move away without their children. If a judge rules that the child must stay, then both parents can decide to stay as well. In this case, the custody agreement would likely remain similar to what it was before anyone considered moving.

How to Modify Custody Access Location

If you want to move away and take your child with you, you must first notify the other parent in writing. If the other parent agrees, you can modify the custody access location and move without issue. However, the other parent is likely to try to stop the move from happening. In this case, you will need to take the case in front of a judge, preferably with the help of an Ontario child custody lawyer.

Both parties in these cases have to prove why they have the best interest of the child in mind. If you are the person trying to move, you need to show the court all of the following:

  • The move is well-planned with the child’s well-being in mind
  • You are not moving simply to get the other parent away from the child
  • If the child is old enough to have an opinion, he or she wants to move or is not actively against it
  • The child can remain close to both parents
  • The child will be safe and cared for in the new location

If you can prove all of these things, the judge will consider allowing the child to move. However, the other parent will try to prove the exact opposite. For example, the other parent may talk about the loss of connection to the community, the high crime rates in the new location, or the lack of support the family will have in the new location.

If you are allowed to move, it’s important to remember that you will still have to make the children available for visits according to the new custody order. Depending on the judge’s ruling, you may be responsible for some of the costs of children traveling to see the other parent.

Hire a Child Custody Lawyer

Relocation cases like this can be complicated and difficult with incredibly high stakes. The outcome of these cases can change a family forever in many ways. That’s why it’s essential to have experienced, knowledgable lawyers on your side.  By hiring a child custody lawyer, you may benefit from their knowledge and they can thoroughly walk you through the difficult process of child custody and relocation.

The post What Happens When a Parent Wants to Move Away With The Child After Divorce? appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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5 Ways to Cope With Divorce and Finally Move On

5 Ways to Cope With Divorce and Finally Move On

When you are newly divorced it feels as if your world has been ripped apart. Friends say things will get better; but how? Here are five things you can do to help yourself heal from the divorce.

The post 5 Ways to Cope With Divorce and Finally Move On appeared first on Divorce Magazine.

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Can Narcissists Really Move On Like Nothing Happened?

Can Narcissists Really Move On Like Nothing Happened?

 

Going through the agony of seeing the narcissist has moved on like you don’t exist can feel like a knife going into your heart.

Seeing the narcissist and new supply can evoke feelings of worthlessness, obsession and jealousy.

Discover why the narcissist is behaving this way and how you can heal for real from this in this Thriver TV episode.

 

 

Video Transcript

It certainly appears as if he or she has…

Sailed off into the sunset with the new supply. The big bounty – which probably used to be yours –looking all loved up, enjoying all that life has to offer.

The narcissist will tell you that they are happy to see the last of you and that their new life is SO much better.

You, on the other hand, can barely crawl out from underneath your bedclothes, and feel like you have been blown to pieces by a landmine.

Is it true?

Has the narcissist moved on like nothing has happened?

Are they capable of this? And what does it really mean?

The answers that you receive in today’s Thriver TV episode may shock you because they most likely will not be what you expect.

 

Okay, before we deeply investigate this, thank you everyone who has subscribed to my channel and supported the Thriver Mission. And if you haven’t yet subscribed, please do. And if you like this video, give it a thumbs up!

Deep breath now and let’s plunge in!

 

The Questions and Devastation On Your Mind

Of course, it is emotionally devastating to believe that someone has moved on from you as if you never existed.

To us, that equals – ‘I wasn’t meaningful to this person’. And that terrible question, which initially threatens the very fabric of our Inner Identity – ‘Did this person even love me?’

As well as all the insidious things that we can think about ourselves regarding ‘not being good enough’ and ‘what does the new supply have that I don’t?’

Okay, if this is you please pause the video and let me know in the comments below what it is that you are feeling.

Yet, truly we are applying all these questions and thinking to the normal human equation of things – which narcissists simply don’t fit into.

 

Can Narcissists REALLY Move On Like Nothing Happened?

I’m going to drop the bombshell on you immediately … the answer is YES. The narcissist can and does move on like nothing happened.

This is not because you are unlovable or unworthy of love.

I know you might think that, and you always will if you hold other people’s character, actions and behaviours as the barometer of your worth – which naturally we need to address and heal!

The REAL reason being – nothing REAL did happen.

And the reason that nothing real happened, is because the narcissist is not a real person. He or she is a fictitious character; a False Self playing life as a stage play of their life to feed their ego (False Self).

When the play isn’t turning out how the narcissist needs it to – to gain enough narcissistic supply (attention and significance) – the narcissist needs to exit stage right and walk onto another stage as quickly as possible.

Here is another bombshell – you are MEANINGLESS to the narcissist when you are no longer the chosen self-medication fix to feed their ego.

That isn’t an insult and it doesn’t mean that you are meaningless. It’s actually a severe limitation of the narcissistic personality. Them not being real, means others are not real either. Other individuals are merely inanimate objects to the narcissist; extras who have a necessary role in a particular play at a particular time. This was you.

I personally know the total agony of wondering incessantly, ‘Can he REALLY move on so fast as if nothing happened? And ‘Was I that meaningless to him?’

My heart goes out to you with a big cyber hug, if you are going through this. And I want you to understand HOW to get free from the place you are in very quickly and powerfully – by inviting you into a radical way to accept the truth and heal.

I promise you that I am not granting you the truth to shame you, blame you or make you feel worse.

I am telling you this truth to help empower you, set you free and heal you.

I know of people who have waited years for the narcissist to return to them – and have never accepted the discard.

That is a living hell – and you truly can start to heal and access your personal heaven.

Now, let’s continue to peel this back…

 

When the Narcissist Hoovers You Back In

When we understand the motivation of a narcissist, who uses people as props to feed their ego, this explains the hoovering phenomenon.

Narcissists are famous for circling back to you and telling you that they miss you; that he or she made a mistake, still loves you, wants to work things out, and so on and so forth.

Or they will incite an argument with you, whereby you get upset and hook in and he or she then smooches up to you again.

This will make your head spin: ‘Hang on, you moved on. You were with a new person or at the very least told me you didn’t love me. You wanted to be away from me and now you want to get back with me?’

Many a person has fallen for it. I did too. And it leads to more pain, even worse abuse, and harder discards.

Why does the narcissist do it?

They do it because they feel needy for the ego feed of knowing that you still want them, or perhaps because the new supply is not turning out as well as expected.

The real truth is that narcissists are greedy for ego feeds and are indiscriminate. With ‘tortured love’ there is lots of drama and emotional energy to mine. Many narcissists will have sex with their Exes with zero regard for the new supply.

Isn’t it interesting that you thought you were meaningless and worthless? If we are using the measuring stick of integrity, loyalty and monogamy, this means the new supply is also.

Who does the narcissist really love?

No-one.

The narcissist’s allegiance is with one entity only – his or her False Self; the relentless Master who requires insatiable feeding of significance. And not only at a current or former partner’s expense –at the narcissist’s too.

Can you imagine the insanity this sort of life creates?

Can you imagine lying and having to triangulate effectively? Sneaking around covering tracks and living with the possibility of being found out and their life exploding at any moment.

Welcome to the narcissist’s ‘normal’ world, which is forever cracking, breaking, burning people out and needing the ‘up and leave and begin again’ effort to survive.

 

If You Are Not Hoovered Again

I know that initially this can be terrible for you.

You may feel after the narcissist has moved on with someone else like, ‘What is so wrong with me that I am no longer being hoovered?’.

This is what I believe is the absolute truth about narcissists – they deliver to us the THING that hurts the most. This is both because they have identified it and because narcissists in our life provide an incredible opportunity for us to heal our unhealed parts, that they painfully trigger.

My greatest recommendation to you is to take this as a blessing (the silence) and use the opportunity to turn inwards and heal what you are feeling. Then, I promise you, you won’t give two hoots about who the narcissist has run off with.

I promise you also that when you do the inner work – just as I did on the reasons why I was assigning another person as my level of lovability, worth and value, and came home to being a beautiful, full source to myself – the pain and the longing will totally go.

And … after you do the inner work … you will no longer accept any hoover attempts (if they do come) any more than you would nail yourself to the back of a burning door.

I assure you, if you start NARPing you will know exactly what I mean!

 

Personal Happiness Is Determined By Growth

Anyone can look like their life is AWESOME on social media.

BUT … are they at peace and do they feel whole within?

Are they able to be real, honest and communicate healthily in relationships, in order to create healthy partnerships of mutuality?

These are questions we can investigate when reflecting on the narcissist and also about ourselves.

People who refuse to turn inwards and process and heal their previous relationship pain to completion – meaning healing previously unintegrated and unhealed parts – are stuck in the same cycles, going through the same relationships, just with different faces.

As much as people try to get a person that is going to be different ‘this time’, it doesn’t happen.

Narcissists don’t take time out to reflect. They don’t heal. They don’t learn from their mistakes.

The narcissistic motto is: ’You are my life to provide me with ego attention and significance and let me mine you so that you fulfil all of my needs And when you stop playing that role, I will punish and discard you.’

This is not a relationship.

You NEVER had a REAL relationship with this person.

It’s a dictatorship – no matter what wrapping it appears to be disguised in. Sooner or later any new supply is going to see the mask fall and come face to face with the terrible trauma of what their relationship is really about.

And, of course, they are likely to go through the same journey of denial again and again, as they try to make each relationship that never was, be real.

That is until they realise the same truth that you are FACING now – what this is REALLY about is turning inwards to love and heal yourself back to value, worth and wholeness.

It never is anyone else’s job to grant us that!

 

The Shift In Perception

When I removed myself from my narcissistic relationship, I lost almost everything I owned. My life went from being financially secure and successful, from before meeting him, to being significantly diminished.

Here he was now living in the home I had bought us, living the high life, and making a ton of money in a business that I had set up for him.

Did I feel cheated, defiled, ripped off and destroyed? Yes, initially, I did.

Was I suffering agoraphobia so badly that I couldn’t even walk out my front door without having a panic attack? Was I so crippled that I could barely function? Yes!

Was the ex-narcissist romancing women, wining, dining, buying new and better cars and having a wow of a time? Yes!

With Quanta Freedom Healing (NARP), I let go of my envy, pain and fears about money and possessions. I let go of the need for bigger and better things in my life. Instead, I focused on finally healing my Inner Being as my highest mission.

I valued my soul above all else.

Then an incredible inner peace and love came, as I released more and more trauma. Everything started to fall into place. Yet I no longer needed it to be so in order for me to be happy and whole; I was JUST Being happy and whole!

Then I understood the truth. The absolute devastation of all the pain of a False Life with a narcissist had forced me to my knees to finally turn inwards and partner with myself.

The rest is history.

I am THRILLED beyond measure that this happened FOR me.

Is this resonating with you? Are you feeling a shift in perception? Can you sense that what I am saying is the truth? Are you already living from the Thriver perspective? Pause this video and let me know in your comments below.

 

Time To Get the Real Thing

Now, here is the thing for you … it’s healthy for you to not jump straight into another relationship. If you try to, you know it is likely to be a terrible experience.

Why – because your soul knows that the opportunity you really want, more than anything, is to heal, evolve and grow towards the sustainability of fulfilling relationships that ARE real.

The narcissist can’t have real relationships.

False, broken, unfulfilling relationships are what he or she, living excessively from the False Self, is doomed to have. However, YOU can have REAL relationships if you are willing to do the work.

Relationships where you will experience being valued at the level that you value yourself.

Relationships where you will know and connect to people with true characters, kindness and conscience.

But this only becomes possible through growth and healing.

If you don’t do the work to come home to the knowing of your own self-love, worth and fullness within, then you will always seek it from outside of yourself.

I promise you that when you get determined to get off this terrible ride of painful, unsustainable relationships onto REAL and HEALTHY relationship trajectories, you will know that being discarded and ‘not mattering’ were actually powerful gifts to you.

They forced you to get REAL. To REALLY partner with yourself with devotion, love and purpose; to repair the relationship with yourself to become a completely different person going forwards.

You will become a person who is no longer being unconsciously a broken, unhealed child within an adult’s body, trying to find a parent. Rather, you will heal up to become a solid, self-loving adult in your own body, seeking and accepting other whole and healthy adults in partnerships.

And I’d love to get you started on exactly that path – the one away from pain and resentment towards health, love and excitement for what you can create in your life.

So, let’s do this together. Click this link to get started accessing my FREE empowering resources.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.

 

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How To Move On After A Divorce

How To Move On After A Divorce

Life doesn’t end with divorce, you can rebuild and start over!

The post How To Move On After A Divorce appeared first on Divorce Magazine.

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5 Reasons Why Narcissists Move On So Quickly

5 Reasons Why Narcissists Move On So Quickly

Narcissists always seem to land on their feet, like the proverbial cat.  Whilst you are at home still feeling hurt and healing from the break up of your relationship, they are happily posting photos all over social media of how wonderful their life is now.

It’s like a real kick in the stomach!

So why do they move on so quickly?

Well aside from the well-known and accepted reason, which is that they are incapable of love so everything is superficial and therefore your relationship was never “real”, there is actually a lot more to it.

Studies have revealed differences in the brain structure of those with diagnosed Narcissistic Personality Disorder which shed a lot of light on this subject.

  1. The area of the brain responsible for empathy (the frontal lobe) is much less developed in a narcissist that the rest of the average population.  Therefore they are physically less able to understand others feelings and so will struggle to recognise love.  We learn how to love from others but if our brains are less capable of performing this function, we won’t learn how to love meaning relationships are much more superficial for narcissists.
  2. The same area of the brain is also involved in problem solving.  So when problems occur in a relationship, the narcissist will not have the necessary skills to stay and communicate and try to resolve the issues.  Instead they will move onto a new relationship where there are no problems.  Once problems begin to occur, which they inevitably will, the narcissist will once again move on.
  3. The frontal lobe is also linked to sexual behaviours.  According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, sex is a basic human need but sexual intimacy is higher up the hierarchy, meaning that when narcissists are in stress or crisis they will go into survival mode and seek only to meet their basic needs – they will cheat.  It’s as primal to them as eating when hungry is to the rest of us.
  4. The cerebral cortex has also been found to be less developed in narcissists and this area is responsible for memory, emotions and behaviour.  Therefore the narcissist seems to move on so fast because their emotions are not as deep as ours but also, they don’t form memories in the same way the rest of us do.  For most of us it’s the memories which keep us attached to someone and unable to move on.  The narcissist doesn’t have this problem.  Their brain hasn’t stored those memories in the same way so they can quickly move on without the attachment.
  5. We know that childhood abuse plays a role in the development of NPD and this can be emotional, physical or sexual.  As a child, the narcissist will have developed a coping strategy to deal with the abuse which could include compartmentalising their emotions to reduce the pain.  Long term exposure to abuse can therefore lead to new neural pathways being formed which simply bypass emotions completely.  It’s protective evolution of the brain.  And means that narcissists never feel hurt, pain or love.  Therefore they can move on without a care in the world.  Literally.

So the next time you see a smiling picture of your narcissist ex with his new supply, know that it’s just a mask.  There are no real feelings.  They are simply resorting to their survival mode.

And remember, the fact you feel sad is a good thing because it shows you have developed normal brain functioning and for you it was real.  Never be ashamed of that.

The post 5 Reasons Why Narcissists Move On So Quickly appeared first on The Nurturing Coach.

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