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The Simplest Way To Spot Narcissistic Personality Disorder

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The Simplest Way To Spot Narcissistic Personality Disorder
www.drcraigmalkin.com/the-book

People often get confused about what precisely counts as narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). (By the way, it should never be capitalized when you’re using the full name of the diagnosis.)

Here, I explain in simple terms, what the core of all pathological narcissism is, based on decades of research. I also help you understand the difference between narcissism, narcissist, and NPD (they’re not the same concepts), and the problems with looking for a *lack of empathy* as a core feature. *Psychopaths* lack empathy; narcissists, even those with NPD, have empathy * impairments*, which can be confusing for their loved ones who see flashes of empathy. Hence the whole struggle “are they a narcissist (with NPD) or aren’t they. Just because you see moments of empathy doesn’t mean the person you’re with isn’t a pathological narcissist.

Remaining focused on the core of all pathological narcissism, what I call EEE, or Triple E, can help you remain vigilant to the most important signs that narcissism has tipped into the range of disorder and isn’t merely a trait anymore. And that can help you better understand what you’re seeing.

And about Triple E: I’d like to clarify something. In the video, I stumbled a bit (I do these videos extemporaneously, in one take, for efficiency) in describing exploitation. What I meant to say, simply is that exploitation is doing whatever it take to meet our needs, no matter what the cost to others.

You can see how exploitation is such a core part of disordered narcissism. In fact, together exploitation and entitlement (or EE, in the research, which is where I got the inspiration for EEE), account for just about every destructive behavior pathological narcissists demonstrate.

AMAZON: www.amazon.com/dp/0062348116/keywords=psychology%20books?tag=imprintweb-20
ITUNES/APPLE: books.apple.com/br/book/rethinking-narcissism/id929341420?l=en
BARNES & NOBLE: www.barnesandnoble.com/noresults/9780062348104
INDIEBOUND: www.indiebound.org/book/9780062348111
BOOKS-A-MILLION: www.booksamillion.com/p/Rethinking-Narcissism/Craig-Malkin/9780062348111?id=8510117162309
HARPERCOLLINS: www.harpercollins.com/products/rethinking-narcissism-dr-craig-malkin?variant=32132801200162

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Are You an Echoist?

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Are you An Echoist?
Take the test to find out! www.drcraigmalkin.com/the-narcissism-test
Recently, I’ve been inundated with requests from journalists to discuss “echoism,” a term I introduced in my book, Rethinking Narcissism. Articles on the subject are trending, and a new book, Echoism, even devotes itself to understanding the topic in depth. Echoism support groups, therapists, and workshops are springing up, and demand for information appears to be growing. But what does the word mean? 

I’ve compiled my answers to nine of the most frequently asked questions about echoism. 

1. What is echoism? Echoism is a trait that my colleagues and I have begun measuring, and like all traits, it exists to a greater or lesser degree in everyone. People who score well above average in echoism qualify as echoists, and their defining characteristic is a fear of seeming narcissistic in any way. Of all the people we measured, echoists were the most “warm-hearted,” but they were also afraid of becoming a burden, felt unsettled by attention, especially praise, and agreed with statements like, “When people ask me my preferences, I’m often at a loss.” Where narcissists are addicted to feeling special, echoists are afraid of it. In the myth of Narcissus, Echo, the nymph who eventually falls madly in love with Narcissus, has been cursed to repeat back the last few words she hears. Like their namesake, echoists definitely struggle to have a voice of their own. 

2. Can echoism exist without narcissism? Regardless of how it begins — and there are many childhood causes — echoism, like any trait, persists regardless of whom people spend their time with. Still, echoists are often drawn to narcissists precisely because they’re so afraid of burdening others or seeming “needy” that to have someone who relishes taking up all the room, as narcissists often do, comes as something of a relief; but it’s a high price to pay for a respite from their anxieties. When narcissists become abusive, echoists sometimes blame themselves for their mistreatment (“I expect too much”; “I’m being overly sensitive”; “I shouldn’t have gone back”; etc.). No one deserves to be abused, whether they stay in a relationship or not — abuse is 100 percent the responsibility of the abuser — but echoists can mire themselves in abusive relationships, because they feel responsible for their mistreatment. 

3. Are some people more apt to become extreme echoists? Echoists appear to be born with more emotional sensitivity than most of us — they feel deeply — and when that temperament is exposed to a parent who shames or punishes them for having any needs at all, they’re apt to grow up high in echoism. A client of mine had a narcissistic father who grew enraged whenever people didn’t do exactly what he wanted — a misplaced dish was enough to set him off — and as a result of his lessons (my way or the highway), she wasn’t just afraid to say what she needed or wanted. She didn’t even know what that was. This is typical with extreme echoists — they’re so afraid expressing their needs will cost them love that they lose touch with their own desires. 

continue with article www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/romance-redux/201809/9-things-everyone-should-know-about-echoists

For more on echoism, see:
www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tech-support/201810/unloved-daughters-why-the-term-echoism-may-help-you-heal
blogs.psychcentral.com/knotted/2018/11/when-youre-not-narcissistic-enough-meet-the-echoist/
tonic.vice.com/en_us/article/mby3pv/echoists-are-basically-the-opposite-of-narcissists?fbclid=IwAR0czRJEb30wRRq-0sXhKWc2u1aMgOgzf5I5CRKEWAXG-oU6PvMRKq8wLM4

AMAZON: www.amazon.com/dp/0062348116/keywords=psychology%20books?tag=imprintweb-20
ITUNES/APPLE: books.apple.com/br/book/rethinking-narcissism/id929341420?l=en
BARNES & NOBLE: www.barnesandnoble.com/noresults/9780062348104
INDIEBOUND: www.indiebound.org/book/9780062348111
BOOKS-A-MILLION: www.booksamillion.com/p/Rethinking-Narcissism/Craig-Malkin/9780062348111?id=8510117162309
HARPERCOLLINS: www.harpercollins.com/products/rethinking-narcissism-dr-craig-malkin?variant=32132801200162

www.drcraigmalkin.com

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Authoritative Parenting and Narcissism

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0:00 Intro
1:07 What are the differences between the 3 styles of parenting?
4:33 What are some examples of authoritative parenting?

Authoritative Parenting and Narcissism

Authoritative parenting helps children develop through a combination of empathy and direction—an approach that sets it apart from the more aimless and coercive forms, permissive and authoritarian. In this video, I discuss the differences between these 3 styles of parenting, provide some real-world examples of how to raise children using firm empathy, and explain how parenting style relate to narcissism.

AMAZON: www.amazon.com/dp/0062348116/keywords=psychology%20books?tag=imprintweb-20
ITUNES/APPLE: books.apple.com/br/book/rethinking-narcissism/id929341420?l=en
BARNES & NOBLE: www.barnesandnoble.com/noresults/9780062348104
INDIEBOUND: www.indiebound.org/book/9780062348111
BOOKS-A-MILLION: www.booksamillion.com/p/Rethinking-Narcissism/Craig-Malkin/9780062348111?id=8510117162309
HARPERCOLLINS: www.harpercollins.com/products/rethinking-narcissism-dr-craig-malkin?variant=32132801200162

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Oprah’s 12 Most Frequently Asked Questions on Narcissism

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Oprah’s 12 Most Frequently Asked Questions on Narcissism

www.drcraigmalkin.com/the-book
The Oprah Winfrey Network interviewed me recently for their OWN Show, which I have to admit was an amazing experience. I sat down in their studio and answered a series of questions, 12 of which are in today’s post below. I wanted to share these with you because when a spouse, partner, colleague or family member is showing narcissistic characteristics they can often go unrecognized and many times you could end up thinking there is something wrong with you… I hope this guidance and advice helps you on your journey through Rethinking Narcissism.

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Episode 4 – Part 3: Recognizing and Coping with Unhealthy Narcissism

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Welcome to Episode 4 of this special “Rethinking Narcissism” Podcast.
www.drcraigmalkin.com/the-book

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Download the Transcription:
www.drcraigmalkin.com/podcast/DCM-Podcast-Episode-4.pdf

WHY RETHINK NARCISSISM?

People ask, “Why rethink narcissism?” and sometimes they get a little confused from the title that somehow I’m talking about how great narcissism is – that’s not what this book is about at all. In fact, it draws on many of the most promising and recent research findings that we have in understanding narcissism and includes my own research in helping people understand narcissism in a different way, which gives you a much clearer path through all of this than we’ve ever had before.

THE NARCISSISM TEST

If you haven’t already done so, I suggest you go to The Narcissism Test on www.drcraigmalkin.com/the-narcissism-test and take the brief online version of the measure my colleagues and I have developed (The Narcissism Spectrum Scale) to see where you or your loved ones score (if you want to take it as if your loved one was taking it; many people have).

I really think this will help you make the most of what I’m going to be revealing over the course of the podcast and I hope you’re as excited to tune in as I am to share!

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The Public Lie We’ve Been Told About Narcissism

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Live from Belmont Library MA – The Public Lie We’ve Been Told About Narcissism
www.drcraigmalkin.com/the-book

WHY RETHINK NARCISSISM?

People ask, “Why rethink narcissism?” and sometimes they get a little confused from the title that somehow I’m talking about how great narcissism is – that’s not what this book is about at all. In fact, it draws on many of the most promising and recent research findings that we have in understanding narcissism and includes my own research in helping people understand narcissism in a different way, which gives you a much clearer path through all of this than we’ve ever had before.

THE NARCISSISM TEST

If you haven’t already done so, I suggest you go to The Narcissism Test on www.drcraigmalkin.com/the-narcissism-test and take the brief online version of the measure my colleagues and I have developed (The Narcissism Spectrum Scale) to see where you or your loved ones score (if you want to take it as if your loved one was taking it; many people have).

BUY THE BOOK

If you like what you’ve heard learn more from the book, the link to purchase in the USA is tinyurl.com/qz7tyuf or the UK is amzn.to/1M5BLct

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The One Sign of Pathological Narcissism You’ve Never Heard Before

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The One Sign of Pathological Narcissism You’ve Never Heard Before
Narcissism seems to be born of neglect and abuse, both of which are notorious for creating an insecure attachment style (for more on attachment, see here www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/romance-redux/201211/five-ways-overcome-feelings-neediness and here www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/romance-redux/201206/are-secure-relationships-the-key-exciting-life).

But the very fact that narcissists, for all their posturing, are deeply insecure, also gives us an easy way to spot them. Insecurely attached people can’t talk coherently about their family and childhood; their early memories are confused, contradictory, and riddled with gaps. Narcissists often give themselves away precisely because their childhood story makes no sense, and the most common myth they carry around is the perfect family story. If your date sings their praises for their exalted family but the reasons for their panegyric seem vague or discursive, look out. The devil is in the details, as they say — and very likely, that’s why you’re not hearing them.

Production notes ;-): I’m living in temporary housing with my family while we get things fixed up after black mold/renovations, and it’s been challenging for lots of reasons to make videos (the fact that quiet moments have become exceedingly rare might top the list). I shot this one a few months ago but struggled to find a surface where I wasn’t looking down at my laptop. There aren’t many convenient well lit places to set up. I wasn’t happy with the angle but I’ve never found time since to reshoot, so here you go. I also experimented with just using Bluetooth mic since, despite the fact that I’ve always used a studio mic (samsung) I get occasional complaints about the audio level. Let’s see if this is better.

AMAZON: www.amazon.com/dp/0062348116/keywords=psychology%20books?tag=imprintweb-20
ITUNES/APPLE: books.apple.com/br/book/rethinking-narcissism/id929341420?l=en
BARNES & NOBLE: www.barnesandnoble.com/noresults/9780062348104
INDIEBOUND: www.indiebound.org/book/9780062348111
BOOKS-A-MILLION: www.booksamillion.com/p/Rethinking-Narcissism/Craig-Malkin/9780062348111?id=8510117162309
HARPERCOLLINS: www.harpercollins.com/products/rethinking-narcissism-dr-craig-malkin?variant=32132801200162

www.drcraigmalkin.com

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How to Overcome Echoism: Healthy Anger

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00:00 How to Overcome Echoism: Healthy Anger
1:58 What is Primary Healthy Anger?
6:35 Experience vs Expression of Anger
8:50 How Healthy Anger Empowers Echoists

Are you An Echoist?
Take the test to find out! www.drcraigmalkin.com/#narcissismtest

Recently, I’ve been inundated with requests from journalists to discuss “echoism,” a term I introduced in my book, Rethinking Narcissism. Articles on the subject are trending, and a new book, Echoism, even devotes itself to understanding the topic in depth. Echoism support groups, therapists, and workshops are springing up, and demand for information appears to be growing. But what does the word mean?

I’ve compiled my answers to nine of the most frequently asked questions about echoism.

1. What is echoism? Echoism is a trait that my colleagues and I have begun measuring, and like all traits, it exists to a greater or lesser degree in everyone. People who score well above average in echoism qualify as echoists, and their defining characteristic is a fear of seeming narcissistic in any way. Of all the people we measured, echoists were the most “warm-hearted,” but they were also afraid of becoming a burden, felt unsettled by attention, especially praise, and agreed with statements like, “When people ask me my preferences, I’m often at a loss.” Where narcissists are addicted to feeling special, echoists are afraid of it. In the myth of Narcissus, Echo, the nymph who eventually falls madly in love with Narcissus, has been cursed to repeat back the last few words she hears. Like their namesake, echoists definitely struggle to have a voice of their own.

2. Can echoism exist without narcissism? Regardless of how it begins — and there are many childhood causes — echoism, like any trait, persists regardless of whom people spend their time with. Still, echoists are often drawn to narcissists precisely because they’re so afraid of burdening others or seeming “needy” that to have someone who relishes taking up all the room, as narcissists often do, comes as something of a relief; but it’s a high price to pay for a respite from their anxieties. When narcissists become abusive, echoists sometimes blame themselves for their mistreatment (“I expect too much”; “I’m being overly sensitive”; “I shouldn’t have gone back”; etc.). No one deserves to be abused, whether they stay in a relationship or not — abuse is 100 percent the responsibility of the abuser — but echoists can mire themselves in abusive relationships, because they feel responsible for their mistreatment.

3. Are some people more apt to become extreme echoists? Echoists appear to be born with more emotional sensitivity than most of us — they feel deeply — and when that temperament is exposed to a parent who shames or punishes them for having any needs at all, they’re apt to grow up high in echoism. A client of mine had a narcissistic father who grew enraged whenever people didn’t do exactly what he wanted — a misplaced dish was enough to set him off — and as a result of his lessons (my way or the highway), she wasn’t just afraid to say what she needed or wanted. She didn’t even know what that was. This is typical with extreme echoists — they’re so afraid expressing their needs will cost them love that they lose touch with their own desires.

continue with article www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/romance-redux/201809/9-things-everyone-should-know-about-echoists

For more on echoism, see:
www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tech-support/201810/unloved-daughters-why-the-term-echoism-may-help-you-heal
blogs.psychcentral.com/knotted/2018/11/when-youre-not-narcissistic-enough-meet-the-echoist/
tonic.vice.com/en_us/article/mby3pv/echoists-are-basically-the-opposite-of-narcissists?fbclid=IwAR0czRJEb30wRRq-0sXhKWc2u1aMgOgzf5I5CRKEWAXG-oU6PvMRKq8wLM4

AMAZON: www.amazon.com/dp/0062348116/keywords=psychology%20books?tag=imprintweb-20
ITUNES/APPLE: books.apple.com/br/book/rethinking-narcissism/id929341420?l=en
BARNES & NOBLE: www.barnesandnoble.com/noresults/9780062348104
INDIEBOUND: www.indiebound.org/book/9780062348111
BOOKS-A-MILLION: www.booksamillion.com/p/Rethinking-Narcissism/Craig-Malkin/9780062348111?id=8510117162309
HARPERCOLLINS: www.harpercollins.com/products/rethinking-narcissism-dr-craig-malkin?variant=32132801200162

www.drcraigmalkin.com

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Stop Doing This if You’re with a Narcissist

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00:00 Stop Doing This if You’re with a Narcissist
00:40 Defining Echoism (Take the test!)
01:47 Don’t do this with a Narcissist!
03:27 Where You Learned the “Figuring Out” Strategy
04:39 Seeing the Problem More Clearly
06:52 Do this Instead 🙂

One trap for #echoists when it comes to leaving bad (narcissistic) relationships is a species of self-blame: the figuring out response. “I wonder if s/he meant it? Does s/he have NPD? Was that real?” The reality is that echoists learned this strategy in their family of origin. Rather than being encouraged to trust their gut, they’re often pushed to try to think about what their narcissistic caregiver is thinking or doing or feeling–in other words what makes them tick. But in healthy loving relationships, if someone does something upsetting or disappointing, we’re not expected to think about why or try to prevent future hurts by understanding the psychology of the person we’re close to. Healthy intimacy involves saying “ouch” when hurt.

If your son or daughter was hurt by a friend, you likely wouldn’t ask them “Why do you think they did that? or What do you think they were thinking? Or do you think they did it on purpose?” You’d say, I’m so sorry. That must have really hurt.” And comfort them. But #echoists had to survive experiences by hoping that if they figured out their narcissistic caregivers they, themselves, could prevent being hurt. And as adults they often do the same with their partners. I

It’s not your job to figure anyone out but yourself. And doing so is often a well-cultivated habit, to protect yourself from attack after simply saying ouch–and protect narcissistic friends and partners from feeling hurt simply because you dare to say “I didn’t like that.”

Recognize the *figuring out* response as what it is– and always was: yet another way of shouldering responsibility for someone else’s bad behaviors.

For more on echoism, see:
www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tech-support/201810/unloved-daughters-why-the-term-echoism-may-help-you-heal
blogs.psychcentral.com/knotted/2018/11/when-youre-not-narcissistic-enough-meet-the-echoist/
tonic.vice.com/en_us/article/mby3pv/echoists-are-basically-the-opposite-of-narcissists?fbclid=IwAR0czRJEb30wRRq-0sXhKWc2u1aMgOgzf5I5CRKEWAXG-oU6PvMRKq8wLM4

AMAZON: www.amazon.com/dp/0062348116/keywords=psychology%20books?tag=imprintweb-20
ITUNES/APPLE: books.apple.com/br/book/rethinking-narcissism/id929341420?l=en
BARNES & NOBLE: www.barnesandnoble.com/noresults/9780062348104
INDIEBOUND: www.indiebound.org/book/9780062348111
BOOKS-A-MILLION: www.booksamillion.com/p/Rethinking-Narcissism/Craig-Malkin/9780062348111?id=8510117162309
HARPERCOLLINS: www.harpercollins.com/products/rethinking-narcissism-dr-craig-malkin?variant=32132801200162

www.drcraigmalkin.com

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Stop Falling for Covert Narcissists

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00:00 Stop Falling for Covert Narcissists
00:46 Understanding What Covert Narcissism Is
02:57 Why Covert Narcissism is Such a Powerful Trap
03:44 Escape the Trap: Emotionality is NOT Emotion!

Covert narcissists create something of a trap for those of us who tend to live life as empathic caretakers. Whether you struggle with echoism or just find yourself falling for partner who seem more harmful over time, you can break free–and the first step is being mindful of when and how your care-taking impulse kicks in. Once you start to see that the apparent vulnerability of covert narcissism isn’t in fact vulnerable at all, you can become a lot clearly about what goes wrong and why–and steer clear of relationships that keep you stuck. Here I discuss what covert narcissism, why it pulls you in, and how to see through the pattern to achieve greater clarity.

To take the test for: narcissism and read more about the type, check out this great article! blogs.scientificamerican.com/beautiful-minds/23-signs-youe28099re-secretly-a-narcissist-masquerading-as-a-sensitive-introvert/

For more on echoism, see:
www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tech-support/201810/unloved-daughters-why-the-term-echoism-may-help-you-heal
blogs.psychcentral.com/knotted/2018/11/when-youre-not-narcissistic-enough-meet-the-echoist/
tonic.vice.com/en_us/article/mby3pv/echoists-are-basically-the-opposite-of-narcissists?fbclid=IwAR0czRJEb30wRRq-0sXhKWc2u1aMgOgzf5I5CRKEWAXG-oU6PvMRKq8wLM4

AMAZON: www.amazon.com/dp/0062348116/keywords=psychology%20books?tag=imprintweb-20
ITUNES/APPLE: books.apple.com/br/book/rethinking-narcissism/id929341420?l=en
BARNES & NOBLE: www.barnesandnoble.com/noresults/9780062348104
INDIEBOUND: www.indiebound.org/book/9780062348111
BOOKS-A-MILLION: www.booksamillion.com/p/Rethinking-Narcissism/Craig-Malkin/9780062348111?id=8510117162309
HARPERCOLLINS: www.harpercollins.com/products/rethinking-narcissism-dr-craig-malkin?variant=32132801200162

www.drcraigmalkin.com

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