How Narcissists React When You Leave

How Narcissists React When You Leave


Leaving a narcissist can be confusing, painful and terrifying.  Narcissists do not like being LEFT by someone – it is a BIG insult to their ego.

So, what does that mean? It means that the narcissist will try to get BACK at you – HURT you, CONFUSE you, cause CHAOS for you and they do this in many ways.

In this Thriver TV episode, I share with you the NASTY things I have seen narcissists do when people leave them so you can be prepared for any fallout.

This is information that you REALLY need to know if you are going to leave or have just left!



Video Transcript

Leaving a narcissist is not like leaving a normal relationship.

Of course, all relationship endings can be very painful. In any relationship breakup people may not behave nicely for a time, because of being hurt. But relationship endings with narcissists take it to another level and can be fraught with lots of confusion and trauma.

Okay, before we get started, I’d like to remind you, if you haven’t yet subscribed to my channel please do, and thank you so much if you already have. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Alright, let’s get going. Let’s have a look at what you could be up for.


#1 – False Promises and Crocodile Tears

It’s quite common with narcissists, when you leave, to suddenly become apologetic and remorseful, promising to be better, do better and to make it up to you.

With narcissists this is not about genuine remorse and love for you – it is purely about re-hooking you up for narcissistic supply.

This is where we have it get very clear – words are cheap, and behaviour is the determinant of whether someone is not just genuine, but also has the resources to change.

People don’t just change because they say they will. People change because they are genuinely remorseful and are genuinely prepared to be accountable; to do the inner work to heal the reasons why they behave so abusively in the first place.

This is a long, hard process of healing, and is in no way an overnight thing.

Please note, if a person shows NPD characteristic – see my blog Are You With A Narcissist – it really is my recommendation that the chance of this person changing is negligible or non-existent. In no way does their proclamation and apologies mean their behaviour will alter.

So many of us have got back with narcissists time and time again only to realise that all that did happen was the abuse cycles became worse.


#2 – They Tell You They Were Ending It Anyway

There are two reasons a narcissist will tell you they were going to leave anyway, when you say you’re leaving them: to preserve their ego, so that they get the final say, and to try to freak you out and into thinking that you’ve been the one discarded.

They do this to hurt you, and so you become righteous and distraught when trying to explain to the narcissist why it is your choice to leave and not the other way around.

If this happens, you will fall right back onto the hook, trying to get the narcissist to understand you. You will end up capitulating, giving away more of your rights so that you end up back under the narcissist’s control, again.

See this for what it is, and don’t fall or it!

#3 – Stalk and Harass You

This can happen when a narcissist doesn’t want to lose control of you and the narcissistic supply they get from you.

This is especially prevalent when narcissists are the controlling and jealous types. Their approach and contact is likely to vary from situation to situation and could range from begging, crying, and trying to bargain, through to abusive and even violent words, threats and actions.

Please know, if you are being treated like this that it is SO important to work on releasing your fear to create solid and powerful boundaries. It is every person’s right to live free of harassment and intimidation, and remember you DO have the ability to place an intervention order.

#4 – Punish You

If a narcissist turns to vengeance, you’ll definitely know about it.

This is when they are likely to take things from you that are precious and attack what is most important to you. They might help themselves to your money and take possession of your things; turn people against you; refuse to give up your pets; or cut you off from your finances.

Therefore, it is really important that you leave quietly. Plan carefully and make sure that you have all your things secured before the narcissist knows it’s over.

If you have seen this person act maliciously in the past, absolutely don’t give them the benefit of the doubt and think they would not be capable of doing the same again. A narcissist who feels scorned, because of being a conscienceless entity, is capable of some pretty dirty things.

Also, be prepared for the smear campaign that undoubtedly will follow – virtually all narcissists do this. The best thing you can do is not feed it and try not to defend yourself, unless it becomes legal. If you do need to defend yourself, then work hard at releasing all your fears about the smear campaign, and just walk a straight, calm and honest line. Narcissists’ smear campaigns fall apart when you do this.

#5 – Replace You Quickly and Let You Know About It

A hallmark of narcissists is that they move on very quickly. I jokingly say it takes a narcissist as long as it takes to boil an egg to be back on a dating site! We all know that real people, who really love people, just aren’t capable of doing that!

Of course, this can be intensely painful. Narcissists love rubbing their ex-partner’s face in it. Please note, replacing you is likely to happen whether you leave the narcissist or the narcissist leaves you.

It’s so important for you to heal all the terrible feelings that can come up regarding being unlovable and replaced. I promise you that when you do, you will totally feel nothing but compassion for the narcissist’s new partner, and relief that it is no longer you in a relationship with this person.

#6 – Being Prepared

Please know that narcissists know where to hit. What I mean by this is that it will be the thing that will hurt you, confuse you or hook you in the most that the narcissist will do. If completely ignoring you after you leave is what will hurt you the most, I promise you that is exactly what will happen.


Because that is just what narcissists do!

The greatest way to get through whatever ways the narcissist responds to the breakup, is to be prepared to turn inwards to the scared and confused parts inside of you; to tend to any feelings of guilt, abandonment and fear, and heal them back to wholeness.

By doing so you will be able to leave, keep away and start to heal and flow into your new, abuse-free life.

That is my greatest passion and joy – helping individuals achieve this for real. People just like you.

So to get your journey started with me, you can sign up to my free 16-day course by clicking this link.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.



7 Painful Tactics Used By Narcissists To Control Their Victims

Control is important to narcissists. They need to control their environment because they believe they know best. They have to exert themselves to stop anyone from challenging them.

Through conversations with victims, I have noticed patterns in their behaviours and this list encompasses the main themes of their controlling behaviour.

Feel free to add your own in the comments.

1) They Create Anxiety in Their Victims

A Narcissists moods can be very volatile. They can rage at the slightest provocation and take out their wrath on their nearest and dearest. As a result a codependent, who is already accustomed to ignoring their feelings, learns to tip toe around the precarious moods of their partner. They walk around on egg shells, never knowing when the next proverbial shoe will drop. If this anxiety continues for a prolonged period of time and goes untreated physical ailments have been know to occur.

2) They Wear Down Your Self-Esteem

Either overtly or covertly they take aim at those parts of you that you are most ashamed of. They criticize everything you do, how you look, how you behave, even your very existence. The assault can be so pervasive that you become like a shell of a human being, believing that you can’t do anything right and little by little the Narcissist takes over every aspect of your life. You get to a point where you leave everything to them, believing that they know better. You lose yourself in the relationship and let go of your autonomy.

3) Gas Lighting

Gas lighting is the most recent buzz word surrounding Narcissists. It’s a manipulation tactic used by Narcissist to get their victims to question their memory, perception and sanity. They plant seeds of doubt and confusion to further weaken your grasp on reality.

4) They Display a Complete Lack of Empathy

They fail to celebrate or acknowledge anything that is important to, or about their partners. They don’t buy gifts, or recognize their partner’s achievements. They may pick fights right before a birthday, or the holidays to give themselves justification for their behavior. They don’t want their partners to get too confident. A confident partner is a partner who might decide they’ve had enough of their abuse and leave. A Narcissist fears abandonment and will guard against that at all costs. Making their partners feel small and insignificant is a great way to do that.

5) They Isolate You From Everyone You Love and Trust

There is always a big fuss anytime you want to spend time with people you care about. They berate and rant about how awful your friends or family are and anytime you talk about them or want to see them a confrontation ensues. They do this because they have spent so much effort into making you doubt your reality and they don’t want that messed up by people that have the ability to make you see the truth. The problem is that you have likely already bought into the Narcissist’s game plan. Your friends and family will tell you to get the hell out of there, like any sane person would, but they don’t understand the dynamic you’re stuck in. When you continue to stay, after revealing horrific details of the abuse, they get frustrated with your behavior to the point where you don’t want to tell them anything anymore, because you can’t deal with their criticism and disappointment, you stop talking and continue to hide your feelings.

6) They Play Mind Games

A Narcissist is always playing a game of one-upmanship. If you think you’ve caught them in something they will lie and make up a story. If you accuse them of bad behavior they will profect that behavior back on you and accuse you of the same thing. They are always trying to outsmart their partners and stay one step ahead of them, everything is a game and keeping you in the dark in regards to their behavior, true feelings and motivations feeds their ego. It makes them feel superior and reinforces their belief that you are lacking intelligence and are in fact inferior.

7) They are Vengeful

Fear of punishment and retribution are powerful motivators. If you know that you will be yelled at, physically harmed, humiliated, insulted, have your children harmed, your property destroyed or have anything that holds meaning to you taken away, you can be trained to be obedient. In Narcissistic/Codependent relationships there is always a power differential and they use that power as a means of control. They will teach you that everything is their way or the highway and when you do not comply you will be punished, in one way or another, until you comprehend that everything is always all about them. This constant erosion of boundaries, expectations, and the irrelevance they put on your needs and want is another hit to an already fragile sense of self.

Essentially Narcissists control people around them by using negative conditioning. When a Narcissist’s partner stands up for themselves, acts independently or in a manner they disapprove of, a Narcissist will use negative reinforcement to keep them in line. It’s a form of operant conditioning coined and identified by F.B Skinner. It’s the removal of a stimulus the subject wants or requires. Like taking a cell phone away from a misbehaving teenager, a Narcissist will remove themselves by disappearing or giving you the silent treatment. We learn through both positive and negative reinforcement. Conditioning is just another tool a Narcissist uses to subjugate their victims.

This list is not exhaustive so do feel free to add your own.


All You Ever Need To Know About Narcissists

All You Ever Need To Know About Narcissists


There is so much that we can learn about narcissists.

WHO they are, WHAT they do and WHY they do it.

Then there is all the narcissistic terminology to get our heads around – like triangulation, idealise, devalue and discard, and narcissistic supply and injury.

But today I want to condense this all down and let you know, in regard to a TRUE powerful and fast recovery, there is SO MUCH LESS that you need to know.

In fact, all you need to know about narcissists to fully embrace, embody and work with; to get away, stay away and get your True Self and True Life going, is ridiculously simple.

Find out WHAT that ONE thing is in today’s Thriver TV Episode.



Video Transcript

If you Google ‘narcissist’ there is so much that comes up. There is every topic imaginable about narcissists – narcissistic supply, their entitlement, why they pathologically lie; and all the catchphrases that go with them, such as smearing, triangulation, idealise, devalue and discard. The information goes on and on and on.

People get really into this information – and it can be fascinating. People also get addicted to this information.

The worse part about doing all this research is that people can avoid their evolution, emancipation and the claiming of their True Selves and True Life because of the information.

I find it very sad, when narcissistic abuse experts only talk about the narcissist, leading people into the belief that this will give them relief, healing, and wholeness – whereas it doesn’t at all.

Often it just makes people even more obsessed about narcissists, instead of them being their own healed and whole, powerful, self-generative force.

Today we are going to drill straight down to what you need to REALLY know about narcissists to get your great life.

Before we get started, thank you for supporting the Thriver Mission by subscribing to my channel, and if you haven’t yet subscribed please do. Also, if you like this video, please hit the like button.

Okay, let’s get to it.


What You DO Need to Know About Narcissists

There is only ONE thing you need to know about narcissists and it is THIS…

This person is not YOUR chosen Truth.

You may ask what that means?

What it means, is that this person does not have the character and the shared values to join with you in a productive, happy, sane and healthy life.

You may say, ‘It can’t be that easy and literal’. But I promise you it is. However, until we develop and heal ourselves to know that it is – it certainly doesn’t seem that way.

You see, the problem is that when we believe in scarcity, obligation, necessity, neediness or that we have the power to change people, we will try to look for the ‘loophole’. We hope that if we just learn more about someone who cheats, lies and abuses, then we may be able to cut a deal with them, fix them, survive them or completely reform them.

Quantum Law is very literal: ‘Whatever you tolerate in your life is your reality.’ Yet you may say, ‘But I don’t tolerate it. I am on to this person about their behaviour.’ However, you may not have realised just yet that Quantum Law looks at ‘tolerate’ very differently than our limited human viewpoint does.

In Quantum Law ‘tolerate’ means ‘entertain as your reality’. Anything that we grant emotional energy to IS our reality. The energy can be either good or bad. It’s the intensity that we are giving it that makes it ‘our reality’. If you are jumping up and down about the terrible behaviour you are receiving from the narcissist, which you declare is not your reality, the emotional energy you are expending on it is making it absolutely ‘your reality’. In Quantum Law you are in it, and therefore tolerating it. This is your reality.

The same applies even for non-narcissistic behaviours. Maybe you have someone in your life who wants to watch TV all the time, but you like to get out and about and do stuff.

If you believe you HAVE to make it work with this person, because someone else may not turn up as nice as them, then your only choices are to either force them to change against their will or get frustrated and upset with them because they don’t spend enough time with you. Or you will have to start enduring the boredom of watching a lot of TV to try to connect more.

Someone who watches TV constantly, while you love activities, is not your chosen reality either.

Can you see how senseless and unhappy the situation is? Just as it is pointless enduring a relationship with someone whose values of lying, being conscienceless, self-absorbed and malicious are not a match for your values of decency, honesty and harmony.

Can you see that trying to force this person (the narcissist) to change to make you safe and happy, or putting up with their behaviour to not be alone, is even more crazy than the previous TV watching example?

Truly, researching into everything about narcissism makes about as much sense as knowing everything there is about someone being addicted to TV.

Does it matter? Does learning all about narcissists and narcissism grant you any power to change it? No!

Does any understanding of it give you resolution with this person in your life? No!

Does your intricate knowledge of it give you the beliefs, inner solidness and development to let go of this person and live a life without this? No, it doesn’t.

In fact, all this research and learning about ‘them’ takes you further away from you be-coming your True Self and True Life and no longer living painful relationship patterns anymore.


The Real Need – to Know and Develop Stuff About Yourself

Let’s get really clear about this – if we don’t know our true values and limits, and don’t know how to say ‘No’ to characters and behaviours that are not healthy – it is because we received traumas and painful beliefs as children, from genetic wounds, past lives and our adulthood that made ‘abuse’ and ‘trying to survive within it’ our normal.

Until we resolve our inner Love Codes, which apply to all our relationships, we will not know how to be a solid source of our values to ourselves. Then things like peace, kindness, support, honesty, and the ability to pull away, look after ourselves, self-soothe and stay aligned with our values and truths, no matter what other people are or aren’t doing, will not be our reality.

It’s these internal fractures that make you logically say that you want ‘honesty, fidelity, genuineness, kindness and loyalty’ – all the things that narcissists aren’t – yet you stay hooked to them and can’t let go of them.

This is all a replay of the regression back to our powerless states as children – the infantile regression of ‘If I don’t stay attached to this person I will die, regardless of how they treat me’ and the past life terrors of ‘There are no other options than this. Without this person, I can’t survive; I will be annihilated or persecuted if I don’t submerge myself and give them what they want.’

Our Inner Beings are timeless, they don’t have the logical input to state ‘Hang on that was then, this is now – I am an adult living in a society where I can have rights and options.’ Rather, our nervous systems and emotional decisions are hijacked by unresolved previous trauma.

It’s all unfinished business, and the only way to heal it to completion is between you and your Inner Being – meaning going inwards to release and up level these traumas from where they reside.

Then, and only then, do we move beyond the trap of the powerlessness, of staying attached for literal survival to someone who is destroying us. When you start aligning to your True Self, the person you are without these old trauma patterns, you will become a force of survival directly through yourself and the unlimited permutations of all of Life.


Your Values

A really powerful exercise to do to help you uplevel, is to connect to and write down your values. If you are not sure what your values are, write out all the things that have hurt you in the past – the patterns of bad treatment you have received – and then write down the opposite.

So, your list of values will probably be something like mine: honesty, fidelity, truthfulness, kindness, respect, validation of feelings.

Pause this video, connect to which ones are true to you, write them below and share them with all of us.

Now let’s get very clear, words on their own aren’t that powerful. It’s the action that makes them so. The action required here, for you to live your reality and be the generative force of what you do wish to receive, is to no longer tolerate what are not your values.

You shape your life from your inner power and truth, when you can take the actions to align with your truths. What you tolerate will be your reality. What is not your reality are things you no longer fight with, roll around in or live with. You detach and move away.

Like a stinky carcass on the side of the road it’s, ‘Ewww not for me!’

You don’t prod it and try to bring it back to life!

Okay, so here we start looking at your REAL development – which you will NEVER get to if you are stuck in finding out everything you can about narcissists. That’s Wrong Town. Right Town is the turning inwards to ask yourself these questions:

‘Why am I handing away my power by tolerating people and things that are less than my values?’

‘Why am I making excuses for staying instead of walking away and saying, ‘If this rises up to meet me at my values I may look at this, but if it stays the way it is currently I never will.’

And, ‘Why am I choosing to hang on to the hope that someone’s character can be different, when they don’t have the capacity or desire to change?’

When you go deeply inside, the right way, you will find painful beliefs and traumas that have been causing you to stay, make excuses and roll around in this stinky carcass.


The Deeper Truth About Why You Are Stuck In It

As I discussed in my two part series – The Proven Way to Heal Toxic Relationship Trauma – belief systems are incredibly powerful. We know we have painful belief systems, which are causing us to play out in life what doesn’t serve us, when we can still feel existing trauma within our bodies on certain topics.

Here is the deal… You may have pulled away from someone who is a liar, malicious and self-absorbed – saying this is NOT my reality (I won’t stay attached to it anymore) – yet you find that future relationship possibilities are not going well. You may be triggered by people’s behaviour that represents the same pattern, and be filled with the dismay ‘these people are everywhere’.

You may feel despondent because humanity seems flawed, and you can’t seem to escape the terrible reality of painful, unwholesome relationships being in your life. You may think this is as good as it is gets; or maybe that you are going to have to accept things like this to not be alone.

Or maybe you just keep calling out these awful things and stay terminally alone – rather than risk being abused again.

These are all the by-product of internal traumatic beliefs playing out – things like ‘The people I love hurt me, lie to me, cheat on me, abuse me, betray me…’ Of course the list goes on and on.

Our subconscious beliefs do what they do – they play out to the letter – especially if they have big emotional trauma energy connected to them. As far as I am concerned, interpersonal trauma is massive. It carries powerful emotional content, hence why it is almost impossible to recover from it logically.

So how do we know that we still have painful inner beliefs having their way with us – even if we are strong enough to leave someone who is not our ‘values’?

We know because:

  • What they did to us still triggers a lot of trauma energy in our body when we think about it.
  • We will have, come up, a lot of what happened to us, emotionally.
  • We see the evidence of these traumas still in our life.
  • We greatly fear this happening to us again.


Be-Coming Someone Different

I promise you these trauma and painful beliefs are still our reality – if they are still in our Being. If we ‘be’ something (in our Being), then it ‘comes’. This is why we need to ‘be-come’ someone different. And there is only one place to be-come different – on the inside of ourselves.

And this is exactly where my Thriver Healing processes come in – the reprogramming of the trauma energy and belief systems that are hurting you. The reprogramming is so that the traumas no longer exist, and you evolve beyond them into different Love Codes and relationship trajectories.

This creates the following states:

  • You know your values and align with them.
  • You no longer tolerate less than these values.
  • You are no longer carrying unresolved trauma regarding the violation of these values.
  • You can truthfully ask for what you want, lay boundaries and walk away from people who can’t meet you at your level of truth.
  • On your own you are solid and whole, living the truth of these values of self-care, self-love and self-respect to yourself.

Okay, so after all of this understanding today, I’m interested to know where you have shifted to. Is knowing all you can about narcissists still an obsession or addiction for you, or is that information, now, as appealing as a stinky carcass?

Please let me know in your comments below

So if it’s time for you to start the real inner work – to sort this out in ways that are more powerful and faster than you yet know – please join me by clicking this link.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always, I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.



The Spiritual Vampire – How To Eradicate A Narcissist’s Energy From You For Good

The Spiritual Vampire – How To Eradicate A Narcissist’s Energy From You For Good


You may be stunned by how, even after leaving a narcissist, it feels like their trauma lives on inside you.

Do you feel like they have a psychic hose stuck in you, sucking out your Life-force?

Why doesn’t the trauma go away? How can you get his terrible ‘entire being and psyche takeover’ feeling to leave?

The solution is not logical – it is in fact deeply spiritual and Quantum.

I can’t wait to share with you, what this spiritual vampire energy really is, and how to eradicate it, rise beyond it and live free from it forever.



Video Transcript

Many people are shocked by the soul vandalism that goes on with narcissistic abuse. How a narcissist can infiltrate your being and suck your energy dry.

Most people end up being barely a shell afterwards.

The truth is narcissistic abuse is a spiritual phenomenon and a psychic disease – it’s like a black ink that poisons your entire brain, body and nervous system.

Today I want to take you into what is necessary to detox from a narcissist’s energy permanently – so that you not only go free of the narcissist but also potentially all the fears and dark energy that have derailed you in your life.

Please know we are going to get very spiritual and Quantum in this Thriver TV lesson today!

Before we get started, I want to thank those of you who have subscribed to join the Thriver Tribe, and if you haven’t yet, please do subscribe. Also, if you like this video, please hit the like button!

Okay, so let’s begin today’s episode.


The Belief of Darkness and Light

There is a lot of controversy about what narcissists are and what is going on with the ‘soul war’ that we have with them.

It is a popular religious belief regarding darkness and evil and Light and God, that narcissists are evidence of evil on the planet, taking the good Life-force from others.

I know this may ruffle some feathers, but from a Quantum perspective, I don’t agree with this philosophy. What I believe is that there is only Light and that all evil – darkness is the absence of Light – is to do with trauma and false beliefs.

I see it all as True Self and False Self.

Now stay with me in this following conversation, because I promise you that there is a point to it.

I believe that True Self means being of God, of the Light, and knowing in Quantum Truth that everything is connected; that all this is love and there is no part that is not the Oneness of Life/Source/Creation. From the Quantum level, we now know scientifically that when we view the smallest subatomic particles of ourselves we go beyond matter into wavefunctions. The very nucleus of us all is a consciousness and energy that is directly connected to the energy of all other Beings and things.

Okay, so the point I am getting to is this: narcissism has forgotten this. It is the belief in ‘separation’, which is the greatest wound in the human experience, that has caused the darkness.

It’s the forgetting; the turning away from the Light and believing in a separate self that is ‘thrown out’ and not accepted by the whole.

That’s the insanity, the damage and the trauma in the human psyche. THAT is the darkness.

If we feel ‘separate’, we don’t believe that we are worthy of love from Life/Source/Creation; we feel defective and unacceptable. When we feel ‘separate’, we treat others in the ways that we really feel about ourselves, taking what we need to survive (narcissism) by force, manipulation or coercion. Or we try to ‘people’ please to get love, approval, security and survival, and we do this because we don’t feel capable of generating these things for ourselves directly with Life/Source/Creation (co-dependency).

These two lots of individuals are incredibly powerful magnets for each other.

The co-dependent will feed the narcissist’s insatiable need to abuse and take, and the co-dependent easily falls for the narcissist pretending to be their Source of ‘everything they need’.

The huge problem I have with the religious view of Evil (them) and Light (us) is that there is the missing piece, which is us taking responsibility to look at our own beliefs and traumas. Our beliefs and the associated traumas have impacted us in our lives – both from the collective and personal human experience – because we have also fallen into the trap of ‘belief of separation’.

Through the forgetting of Who We Really Are, we have stopped being a connected Oneness able to generate Life directly with Life. Instead, we have become lesser beings trying to get our salvation through False Sources.

And this is EXACTLY what narcissists are.


The Power in the Belief of Good

The truth sets us free.

Yes, narcissists are vampires and they are sucking our Life-force. However, if we just put it down to evil and believe that this can happen to anyone, then we are dangerously in Wrong Town.

Likewise, we are in Wrong Town if we believe we must be on the lookout for these people to avoid them, and therefore we don’t look within ourselves to heal what we need to.

I much prefer Right Town, which means taking the personal responsibility to know that we are the generative source of our own experience. This is what I know as the number one criteria in narcissistic abuse recovery – the acceptance of ‘this is happening FOR me’.

If we know there is only Light and Love, we know that no matter what our experience at a soul level is, it is perfect. We are being brought the experiences to wake us up into our inner healing truths to become the people we need to be, to up-level and move beyond our previous separation and fearful beliefs.

Then we can start being Who We Really Are – not small separated beings thrown out of the Oneness, but incredible holistic, connected, magnificent Beings instead.

I truly don’t know of any process more powerful than narcissistic abuse to bring us to that place of awakening.

I want you to think about this…

Our separation beliefs are: ‘I am defective, unloved and unwanted. I must be being punished. I am on my own; it’s me against life. It’s not safe to be myself. It’s not even safe to be in life or alive. I am not supported by Life/Source/Creation, and I have to earn my right to exist. In fact, I don’t get support from anywhere. There must be something wrong with me. Maybe I’m cursed because my life is a struggle and I am always up against everything that is pitted against me.’

Can you relate?

After narcissistic abuse, we feel like this horrifically. When we start doing the real Quantum inner work to heal from narcissistic abuse, we find out that many, if not all, of these beliefs were already in our Energy Field – from collective human beliefs, past lives, genetic family history and, of course, our childhoods. In fact, we have been in repeat on these painful beliefs, which have been holding us separated to varying degrees from the Oneness and the Light that is the REAL truth.

The narcissist was the messenger of these traumas, ironically appearing to be the saviour of them. Because we were living our own separation beliefs of being ‘outed’ from Oneness, we assigned this person as a False Source – as the Light. Metaphorically this person became a ‘God’ or a ‘parent’ to us. The person to take away the pain of feeling unloved and unworthy.

Maybe before narcisistic abuse, we knew we were in pain and knew we weren’t whole. Or maybe we were so busy trying to survive in life, as a result of doing life from the outside in (separation) that we had no idea because it was all we had ever known.  Often, because these traumas were our ‘normal’ – we have been carrying them in our Being for goodness knows how long – it’s not until we graduate back home to our Connected/Oneness beliefs that we realise how separated we have been.

And how painful and traumatic that was.

The reason I called this section ‘The Power In The Belief of Good’ is this: when we know the horrific pain of the trauma and beliefs of ‘separation’ are happening to us for a reason – FOR us – then we know we need to heal. We know we desperately need to find a way out of the internal hell that all of the false beliefs and traumas have cast us into.

If we don’t awaken and align with the truth, what are we going to do? Attempt to medicate the trauma away so that we don’t feel anything at all? Or cross the line into selling our soul and becoming a narcissist ourselves to try to escape the inner hell that we are now living in?

Or, will we heal for real from this and release ourselves into our True Self and True Life?

Naturally, I take a stand for the later. I’ve said so many times to this community, ‘You could not give me any amount of money to go back to who I was, and the life I lived, even before narcissistic abuse.’ Thank goodness I made the journey to my True Self and True Beliefs and still continue this journey every day.

As a result, I am thrilled to be in my body, on this planet, doing this Life. The pain has gone, and constant joy, growth, possibility and miracle are available. And I know that this awaits every Thriver who takes this journey too.

This is what I truly believe ‘evil’ is… It is the absence of Light. It is the dire separation from the truth.

And I believe ‘hell’ is a state. It is being immersed in the false beliefs and traumas that are NOT the truth of Who We Are.

Narcissists live in that place – they are stuck there – but we don’t have to be.

There is a way out.


Narcissists Are the Symptom Not the Problem

Here is another controversial statement.

Narcissists are not the issue; they are the symptom of the real issue.

The real problem is the belief of separation within humanity, causing people to be in trauma and pain and hurt. It’s people spreading this psychic disease of separation further and further by looking at life from the outside in – there is always someone else to blame in my victimhood.

When our soul has had enough of this state and knows it’s time to be free of these traumas and false beliefs, the unconscious will become conscious. That’s when the evidence that we are in Wrong Town can turn up in our life as a narcissist.

When we are carrying the traumas of separation, and everything within our belief system is painful, lacking and limited, then the people who match these beliefs turn up and ingrain themselves in our experience.

But when they smash us hard enough, we awaken to the Interconnected POWERHOUSE CREATOR that we are which is this – my life unfolds to the letter according to my Belief Systems.

Alright … so, if you believe and understand that you are a Powerful Quantum Creator Beyond Measure – please write EXACTLY that below!

Okay… Like a leaking roof that is being ignored, or a car that is getting driven despite the engine making really weird grinding noises, the traumas of separation, and the breakdown get worse and worse until they get your attention. And this is all because they are false and defective and not organically functional.

Narcissists are the poster people representing that experience.

When we believe we are separated and hurting, and we don’t take on the inner Quantum power to heal ourselves, we try to get the fix on the outside and in doing so hand our power away and get abused. Until we turn inwards to heal our painful, false belief systems, we cling and try to force the abuser into saving us.

And things get worse and worse and worse until we stop doing this.

Gosh, it’s terrible – it’s heartbreaking and it just doesn’t work. The narcissist, who is stuck in his or her own trauma and survival delusions, fully believing that you are the cause of their issues, believes to feel better he or she is entitled to take your lifeforce and everything that is yours. Hence the being sucked dry by the narcissist’s vampirish ways.

There are no happy endings in this dynamic. And even if we do get away and believe that the narcissist was the issue – then why can’t we heal? The answer is simple. Because we haven’t yet released ourselves from the traumas and beliefs of the biggest disease to ever infect this planet – the lie of separation.

It’s only by letting go of False Sources (aka narcissists) and doing what we have always needed to do, come inside and face and unpack our traumas and false beliefs on the inside of us, that we get our salvation.


The Truth About Detoxing a Narcissist

The real evidence of any truth is when it works.

The Thrivers who are mentally, emotionally, and spiritually free of narcissists – even those they still have to parallel parent with – are free because they went to their traumas, as someone would a leaky roof or grinding engine and fixed the inside issue. They healed their beliefs of separation.

When we do this with our triggered traumas, which are catastrophic after being smashed by narcissists, one by one they leave our Being. And as they go, with them goes the false belief(s) connected to the trauma.

We literally unpack ourselves from the human madness and pain that we have been entrenched in. We learn how to be in life in a connected way – knowing what it is to Go Quantum and have Life/Source/Creation flowing through us as us.

We know that Life unfolds itself in our experience to the letter according to our Inner Belief systems, and that when we heal these beliefs not only does our entire experience change, but also we deeply change at our core. We no longer play life the way we used to.

We get better and we do better.

We live life powerfully, as a master of our life from the inside out rather than as a victim of life from the outside in.

I promise you when you get to that level – and even when you are in the process of it – the narcissist becomes less and less valid in your experience. You’ll get to the point where seeing him or her is as quickly forgotten as stepping over a slug on the pavement and moving on.

When you have truly understood that a narcissist’s purpose in your life is to thrust you into the deepest experience of darkness to be-come and anchor the Light, for yourself and humanity, then you know and start living in the truth.

I promise you that when you get there, your soul contact is complete and all that hurts, including your trauma symptoms, goes. You also go free of previous limitations and fears.

The narcissist will leave your experience and go smash someone else’s separation beliefs into fully blown consciousness – granting them exactly the opportunity you just experienced.

Are you ready to take your graduation, out of the darkness and pain into the interconnectedness and powerfulness of your True Life? If so come with me. The journey not just SAVED my life, it also GAVE me my life – and I know it can do the same for you.

You can get this started by clicking this link.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always, I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.



Crush These Fears And Never Be A Target For Narcissists Again

Crush These Fears And Never Be A Target For Narcissists Again


Standing up for yourself against a narcissist can trigger the terrifying fears of CRAP – meaning the fear of being Criticised, Rejected, Abandoned and Punished.

Many people experience a white-hot fear of trying to speak up, their brain turning to mush and an overwhelming feeling of terror rising inside, that leaves them speechless and a quivering wreck. Maybe you have never asked for what you needed in personal relationships, for fear of being abandoned, or are afraid to speak up at work in case you lose your job or that promotion?

In today’s Thriver TV episode, I’m going to take through some steps so that you can crush these subconscious fears and step into your power to become a healthy source of ‘self’, willing to lose it all to get it all.

It’s not that scary when you turn inwards and start to work through these subconscious beliefs. Because you WILL see the results of the Life you want to live unfolding!



Video Transcript

Today we are going to talk about CRAP.

The version of CRAP that we often talk about in this Community – how we can hand our power away because of the fear of being Criticised, Rejected, Abandoned and Punished.

This is a terrible human problem that all people who get taken in by narcissists suffer from. And these fears make us HUGE glowing targets for narcissists.

Today we are going to learn how these traumas are derailing our ability to be impervious to narcissists. I promise you when you clean these fears up, narcissists can’t and won’t target you. It just won’t be possible.

Before we get started, however, I want to say how grateful I am to my existing and new subscribers for supporting the Thriver Mission, and if you haven’t yet subscribed please do. Also, if you like this video, please give it a thumbs up.

Alright, let’s get moving into this episode…


How We Get Set Up For This

I want to share with you this story about Megan because her story is a lot of people’s story.

As a little girl Megan had a dominating, non-available mother. When Megan asked her mother for something, her mother told her not to interrupt whilst she was doing the housework, for example. When Megan’s mother asked Megan for something, and Megan didn’t automatically comply, she yelled at her or would smack her.

As an adult Megan worked for Henry. Henry often told Megan she needed to work back late. He never granted her extra pay and, as his personal secretary, he was incredibly demanding of her. Unreasonably so. And whenever anything went wrong, she got the blame.

Henry, as you probably guessed, was a narcissist.

Megan was exhausted. Her health wasn’t great and she had no social life. When Megan felt upset or angry with Henry’s demands, she imagined what she wanted to say, but she couldn’t ever formulate the right words. When she thought about saying something to him and standing up for herself, her brain went to mush and she felt a terrible, anxious feeling inside of her.

It felt unthinkable to try to stand up for her rights, and the truth was – inside her – it literally felt terrifying.

When Megan told her friend Cindy what was going on, Cindy told her she was being treated atrociously and needed to do something. Yet Megan had every excuse why she couldn’t speak up and she shouldn’t risk it.

Megan was stuck in the program of: ‘If I try to have my own rights, I will be criticised or punished.’

Then there was Donald…

As a baby his mother was a fall-down drunk; a single mother who would pass out and leave him crying for hours unattended.

As an adult, Donald struggled to maintain love relationships. In his relationship with Amanda, she demanded more and more from him, and she had absolutely no consideration for Donald’s needs.

The truth is Donald never asked for what he needed or wanted. Whenever he thought about saying something to Amanda about her unfair treatment and exploitation of his time, effort and money, he felt like she would not hear him (and may even leave him). He really believed he had to keep her happy to have this relationship – even though it seemed as though there was no end to her demands.

Donald’s inner subconscious programming went like this: ‘If I need something from people, I will be abandoned.’

For all of us, as little people, if we didn’t make the transition into being whole, healthy adults, knowing it’s okay and healthy to connect to, share and speak up for our values and truths; that we are worthy enough to have them fulfilled by healthy people and aspects of life, we will not have the inner subconscious beliefs to know:

  • I am of worth and value to myself and therefore I have the right to honour me.
  • If people don’t value my values, boundaries or self, and criticise, reject, punish or abandon me, then they are NOT a match for me. I can and will let go, move on and generate healthier realities.
  • People don’t treat me how I treat them; they treat me according to the beliefs and power I have anchored into myself.
  • When I get clear and clean on the inside regarding my worth, power and truth, then all of Life-force will support these beliefs, just as I support myself in them.


The Releasing of the Traumas Generating the Fear of CRAP

Megan came for Quanta Freedom Healings to deal with her pounding migraines. These were a manifestation of the trauma trapped inside her, appearing to get her attention so she would turn inwards and heal herself.

The trauma was coming from her being abused and was a replay of the unhealed trauma from when she was abused by her mother as a child.

And this is the thing, the trauma energy we still have stuck inside us from our past creates beliefs that later play out to the letter. Bosses can absolutely serve up the same patterns as parents in our life – as authority figures who we feel dependent on for our survival. That is until we become a healthy source of ‘self’.

In the session, Megan deeply understood that nothing changes if nothing changes. That her trauma would further compound and she would continue disintegrating if she stayed with Henry making excuses and doing nothing. The only way out for her was to face and deal with the situation.

In real time, in real life, Megan needed to lay boundaries and then, if her boss couldn’t meet her healthily, walk away and get another job.

Knowing this was her goal, to achieve this she had to confront the traumas that were not allowing her to powerfully do what she needed to do.

When we turn inwards and target the trauma relating to whatever we need to heal, we can get quite a shock as to what and how much trauma may be there. Then we realise ‘It’s no wonder my situation has been so difficult!’

The subconscious is the keeper of all knowledge and energy. And when we do go inwards to start working with it, our revealed body wisdom is both fascinating and extremely accurate.

Megan had multiple traumas wedged in her subconscious, such as: female collective pain body trauma, ‘As a woman I have no rights’; and past life traumas of, ‘If I speak up I will be put to death’, as well as traumas about not having a voice or rights, which she had taken on genetically from ancestors.

It was no surprise that with all of this trauma in Megan’s energy field (in her DNA makeup pre-birth), that she had been born smack bang into an environment where AGAIN she had no voice and rights – with her Mother.

So we can see the continuation on Megan’s timeline of being locked into these beliefs and playing them out with prominent people in her life. And this was Megan’s pattern with her two previous husbands as well.

When these traumas were released, and Source brought in to transform them, Megan came back to her True Self state (our natural state when we are without our traumas and false beliefs). She became a Being who was anchored in having worth, rights and a voice. She also knew that Source had her back whenever she was authentically herself – because she was Source (True Self).

She requested a meeting with Henry and his boss, the three of them together. She directly and truthfully spoke about her concerns, what wasn’t working for her, and what she required to continue working for Henry.

Megan had Gone Quantum with this. She knew ‘as the generative Source of my own experience, all will unfold for the highest and best that will match me and support me no matter how this goes.’ She had no concern whatsoever about how this would turn out. She was truly invested in evolving herself and breaking out of this terrible pattern of handing her power away and being abused. A pattern that had plagued her for lifetimes.

In the meeting Henry unravelled, as narcissists do when exposed with a whopping great light of truth. He was brought undone in front of the big boss. Megan was relieved of her duty with Henry and granted another position in the firm that was higher pay and with much better conditions.

It turned out to be her dream job.

This is the power of Life supporting us in the most miraculous of ways when we support ourselves with Quantum evolution from the inside out.

Donald was doing NARP and had a couple of healing sessions with me after realising that Amanda was a narcissist who was destroying him. When targeting the traumas that were not allowing him to honour himself, the subconscious trauma of being a baby abandoned, appeared.

As always, these abandonment traumas ran deeply – through previous pre-birth trauma experiences and genetically acquired beliefs, all amounting to: ‘The people I love leave me to die’ and ‘If I give them everything they need, they might never leave me.’

This had played out to the letter with Donald’s mother and love partners. He never dared put any pressure on them about his needs, and he gave and gave despite their terrible physical and emotional abandonment of him.

After clearing these traumas of being abandoned, he graduated within himself into new and powerful True Self beliefs on this topic.

He then knew he couldn’t care less whether Amanda abandoned him or not, because as the self-generative source of his own experience, Donald was never going to abandon himself again.

He laid it on the line to Amanda – about who he was and what he needed to continue the relationship with her. She did what narcissists do, unravelled, twisted, turned, threw blame, name-called, insulted and then, when he refused to hook in or argue and was walking out the door, she launched at him and started hitting him.

Donald left and then came and picked up his stuff later. He was finished with her. Amanda pleaded and begged in emails and text messages for him to come back. He blocked her and never looked back.

No more was this woman a match for his previous Love Code of being with self-absorbed people who had no consideration for him whatsoever.

Donald, true to form, after his shift from the painful Love Code to a healthy one, had zero attachment, addiction or attraction to Amanda.

For all of us who do this inner work, it becomes unthinkable to be with the narcissist anymore!

Within six months Donald was in a relationship with a lovely lady, Becky, with whom he has rights and a voice. Becky cares for and loves him. For the first time, probably for lifetimes, Donald has reached a loving and healthy love trajectory.


The Graduation Out of CRAP into Health

Let me outline for you here the steps on how to do this:

  • Know we have to change ourselves on the inside to make a change on the outside.
  • Turn inwards and face the traumas that are not allowing you to speak up, stand up and confront and generate what you need. If you just walk away without doing this, you will be presented with exactly the same pattern again.
  • Know that when you Go Quantum you have to be prepared to lose what you have, to get what is your True Self and True Life
  • No one else ever needs to get your boundaries – only you do. Then you will know who represents your True Self and True Life and who doesn’t.


I know that moving past the fears of C.R.A.P. can seem like the scariest journey of your life – but I can’t tell you the graduation, expansion, joy, power and life-force that awaits you on the other side.

Do you relate to Megan or Donald? Does this make sense? Do you realise that there is a way out of this?

If so, please share this below.

Are you ready to stand up, lose these fears, state and walk your truth, and generate it powerfully – regardless of what anyone else is or isn’t doing?

Can you feel how this is the place where true freedom, power and life begins?

I hope so because it does!

And you can start connecting to this powerful, fast and joyous journey of your True Life here – by clicking this link to my free 16 Day Recovery Course.

Also, please know I have a special free live Masterclass coming up next Tuesday called How To Live Trauma Free & Thrive After Narcissistic Abuse… I’m really excited about! If you’re still feeling hurt, lost or struggling and want to get on the true path to healing and thriving then I highly recommend that you join me. You can reserve your spot here.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always, I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.



When The Narcissists Knows You Have Them Figured Out … Run!

When The Narcissists Knows You Have Them Figured Out … Run!


Things get worse with narcissists when they know you have them figured out.

In fact, the most precarious times of pain, trauma and getting horrifically abused, is when you know what the narcissist is, and the narcissist knows that you are on to them.

This is when it is time to get out.


Read on and you will find out…


Falling Off the Pedestal

When narcissists are delightful, it is because of one of three things: you have been groomed as narcissistic supply; they are hoovering you to hook up narcissistic supply again; or they just downright want something.

At these times, it all seems to be working out with this person – either you believe he or she is ‘wonderful’, or you feel the relief that this person ‘has finally got what they are doing and wants to make amends’. Or perhaps you find yourself warming to the narcissist, tending to what they want, only to realise later that the deal, of course, has been brokered completely in the narcissist’s favour.

Naturally a narcissist’s mask falls, in time. It is impossible to maintain the illusion of a fictitious character indefinitely. Sooner or later, the narcissist will step on your toes in a big way. It could be verbally with nasty comments. Or practically through careless, thoughtless or even malicious behaviour towards either you or the things and Beings who matter to you.

Of course, you are triggered. Even the kindest of people, in the face of conscienceless, self-absorbed behaviour, would feel violated.

Then, understandably, you react. The narcissist dodges any accountability by trying to make excuses, minimalising your grievance, or by blaming you for whatever they have done. And this just triggers you more.

No longer are you a compliant source of narcissistic supply. Rather, you have become the ‘enemy’ who has just threatened the narcissist’s mirage of the False Self – ‘I am to be served without reproach, and continually treated as significant and superior’.

When you start questioning the narcissist – and taking a stand for being given an apology and them showing remorse or accountability – the narcissist begins to know that you have started to figure them out; that they are NOT this omnipotent figure that they would like you to believe they are.

Really, what you are doing is starting to call out the dysfunctional and malignant behaviour that is not healthy or acceptable. You are identifying the cracks. This means you are pointing a finger at their damaged and disowned inner self, around which the narcissist has erected the False Self, who guards this at all costs.

Now you are pushing on the narcissist’s hairline trigger to any perceived criticism. Dangerous rage and capacity is close to the surface, as the horrible by-product of a severely insecure and damaged inner self.

When you are devastated by a narcissist, they may not be able to keep charming and mining you for sex, resources, fawning or any other self-absorbed need in any given moment. But all is not lost for him or her. This is when Dr. Jekyll takes a back seat and Mr. Hyde fully appears. The monster is unleashed to punish you – terribly.

The narcissist has every twisted justification to line you up and smack you where they know it hurts the most. He or she has already worked out your weakest emotional points to use for these times – the ones which you will defend and argue back with them.

The disowned parts of the narcissist, which they don’t want to ever look at, own or resolve, are now hurtled at you with full force. Narcissists want relief, and they get this by offloading all over you the deeply triggered traumas within; the traumas that cause the maladaptive behaviour you have identified.

Of course, in the narcissist’s eyes, it is all your fault and this is why he or she hurtles into the argument any and every additional hand grenade. A narcissist wants to make sure you are hurt beyond measure and feel like you are losing your mind.

They then have you exactly where they want you – back to providing A-grade narcissistic supply: ‘Look how significant I am to be able to affect another person like this.’


The Worst Cases of Narcissistic Abuse

The most damage happens to the people who used to be like I was…

Wanting accountability and going after it like a bull-dog…

And deciding that the truth must be got to. This person should be remorseful. Things can be restored to a healthy state through my determined actions to ‘set things right’.

I have to say if you are operating within this framework with a narcissist like I was… Good Luck!

It simply DOESN’T work.

And this is why:

The narcissist has no intention of being accountable, pinned down or remorseful. The harder you try to get accountability, and make a narcissist act with decency, integrity and consideration, the more he or she will push back, tormenting you even more.

Narcissists are the epitome of the mirror reflecting back to us a BIG Quantum wake-up call.

The complete false premise that we can change other people to make ourselves feel better.

Quantum Law – so within, so without – means we can only change our inner state in relation to what is happening in our outer world. We need to adjust and up level from our own traumas and belief systems that are generating what is going on in our life. And then, when we do this, people will either rise up to join us at our new established boundaries and truth, or we leave the experience to go our separate ways into experiences that are our truth.

The longer we stay stuck righteously in trying to change a narcissist to get a change in our own emotional state and life, the more we get the true results of this Quantum Truth which is:

‘When I deny my own development and hold others responsible for my Self and Life – nothing changes. I only get more of my traumatised state.’

What we realise when we Go Quantum is:

‘This person was never meant to change. They were showing me what aren’t my values and truth. And by doing so they were forcing me to pull away, to heal within me what is necessary to create my Life for REAL.’


Naming a Narcissist ‘a Narcissist’ or Trying to Get Them to Heal

If you have named the narcissist ‘a narcissist’, or have gone down the path of trying to help them heal their childhood issues, which are causing their disordered behaviour, then you are right in the ‘annihilation pit’.

Now that the narcissist knows that you have really figured them out, you must be completely discredited and eradicated, one way or another.

My suggestion to you is: if you are calling a narcissist ‘a narcissist’ or saying that their inner wounds are causing their behaviour – make it your final comment.

Do not hang around thinking you are going to save this person from themselves.

If this person goes to therapy, they will not be going there for ‘their problems’. Instead, it will be about what you do to them so that they can get narcissistic supply from the therapist. Couple’s therapy is one of the most devastating and traumatising experiences anyone can have with a narcissist, because narcissists use the therapist and the sessions to switch the blame and issues onto you.

Before long, rather than the therapy getting anywhere near helping the narcissist and your relationship, you will be fighting even harder for your sanity and life.

And, to add insult to injury, the narcissist will be setting up elaborate smear campaigns to make sure you are the one who goes down. And while this is going on, he or she will be setting up bank accounts on the side, and all other levels of deceit, to make sure that he or she is still afloat when the ship sinks.

This ‘preparation’ usually includes sourcing the next source of narcissistic supply to have ready to jump ship onto.

And if you drown, that is perfect. As far as the narcissist is concerned, it means the evidence of their narcissistic ‘damaged inner self’ secrets disappears with you.

Another tactic, when the narcissist knows you have them figured out, is to mess with your head enough that you start believing that you are the problem, not them.


It’s Time to Get Off This Ride and Figure You Out (Heal)

Whichever way it rolls, it all comes back to the same Quantum Truth – the more you try to change someone to get your own sane, healthy, loving and happy life, the worse things get.

In this Wrong Town place you discover:

  • The narcissist doesn’t change, have compassion or do the right thing.
  • The people who you are smeared to don’t believe your side of the story.
  • You lose control over your emotions, life and health, and things start disintegrating everywhere you look.
  • It is all you can do to keep your life from overturning or being smashed against the rocks.

This is not your ride to be on – ever!

It’s time to get off.

Do you want to get off this insane, disastrous trip?

If so, please write below: ‘I’m getting off NOW!’

Okay, so how do you do that?

The answer is in fact very simple; the application itself is what takes devoted self-healing work.

The answer is this: stop holding the narcissist responsible for your life, and understand that it is impossible to CHANGE your life by CHANGING someone else’s.

You are the one who needs to change, as myself and so many others have had to do.

This involves letting go of the need for…

  • The narcissist’s remorse and apologies.
  • Repair of the damage they have inflicted.
  • Receiving any closure from anyone or anything outside of us.
  • Reliance on the narcissist for any aspect of love, approval, security or survival.
  • Justice to be done.

…in order for YOU to be HEALED and WHOLE.

If we need anything from outside sources to be healed and whole – then we are victims. We are not self-actualised. We haven’t taken our power back, and so don’t yet realise that we can heal and shift and start working with Life directly through our own truth, values, ‘self’, and healed and aligned belief systems.

I know it’s easier said than done, and that we can’t just switch into this mindset. This is where the RIGHT inner work is SO vital, because if you stay victimised, holding others and situations responsible for your Life then, you won’t receive compensation in the way of healing and your life getting going again, rather you will ONLY receive more events and problems that victimise you.

This horrifyingly is the case for most victims of narcissists – because they don’t know how to work with Quantum Law and heal for REAL yet.

No longer do we need to stay in that devastated place.

We DO have the ability to turn inwards and make the necessary ‘changes’ to heal ourselves – to release the traumas and false beliefs that we have been playing out with these people, unconsciously.

It’s then that we break free into trajectories to be safe, powerful and whole – regardless of what anyone else is or isn’t doing.

That is Wholeness; that is THRIVING.

No longer is there the need to figure out narcissists or call then out at ALL. It never works anyway, which I hope you now really ‘get’.

This was always REALLY about figuring out, healing and freeing ourselves.

Life truly works by simply doing the following:

  • Dedicate to the right Inner Healing (This is TOTALLY necessary to be able to do the next steps.).
  • Define your values and truth, and live them.
  • If people violate your values and truth, ask them for what you need, whilst being willing to lose it all to get it all.
  • Then, if they don’t meet you through actions (words are cheap) at this level of your truth, walk away and keep generating your healthy, loving, sane and truthful life.

Of course, we struggle to do this until we heal. I did as well, but I certainly don’t now. And it is my greatest mission in life to help you SORT this out too!

You can do this by signing up to my free inner transformational resources, which grants you two free ebooks and my free 16-day course.

Also please join me in my FREE 2-hour Masterclass How To Live Trauma Free & Thrive After Narcissistic Abuse, which is coming up soon! (This event will give you a super-boost into understanding exactly what you need to heal and HOW to do it!)

And if you enjoyed this article, please share it with your communities to help them heal for REAL also.

As always, I look forward to your comments and questions below.



The Simple Reason Why Narcissists Have To Hurt You

The Simple Reason Why Narcissists Have To Hurt You


Narcissists hurt you… a LOT.

In ways that seem senseless, cruel, barbaric and insane.

Why do they ALL seem to do this without any sense of remorse for the damage they cause?

We know narcissists are self-absorbed and lack a conscience, but what is really going on for them to be able to do to people the things that they DO?



Video Transcript

From our human framework it seems atrocious, horrible and unthinkable that narcissists hurt people like they do.

In fact, this can be one of the most painful things to try to recover from – WHY do they do that?

So, in today’s TTV episode I want to help you understand why narcissists do what they do. Also, I want to explain how we can protect ourselves against this.

Before we get started, thank you to all the new and existing subscribers, and if you haven’t yet subscribed I want to remind you to please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you give it a thumbs up.

Alright, let’s get going on today’s episode…


Hurt People Hurt People

You may have heard the expression ‘hurt people hurt people’ and think ‘that’s no excuse – there are people who are hurt who don’t treat people like that!’

I get that and I understand it. There are great people despite what happened to them, and there are people who are damaged and emotionally stunted, who do what they do. And they do this because of their model of the world, which they have established due to being traumatised.

There are two things I really do know, as a result of my own personal evolution. When I am in my most solid and whole place, even under stress, I am in the best possible position to treat others with kindness, love and respect, and…

When I am emotionally triggered and not well within, this is when I am the most likely to not be a particularly nice human being.

A person’s belief systems and emotional stability within, I believe, are the true gauge as to what they may or may not be capable of at their worst. Most of us can’t imagine being able to go to the pathological or malicious lengths that narcissists can. We simply aren’t capable of it.

However, when we were under siege in narcissistic relationships, and having our souls shredded, most of us said and did some things that we are certainly not proud of. It’s not just true that hurt people hurt people, it’s also very true that when you are around sick people, who are not taking any responsibility to face and heal their own inner demons, you don’t just hurt, you also get sick.

In regard to abusive people – I adore what Neale Donald Walsch says, ‘What is it within you that hurts so much that you need to hurt me?’

That question is the essence of what today’s discussion is really about.


A Narcissist’s Brutal Dumping

For those suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder, there is a very disordered, delicate emotional balancing act going on. The inner True Self is damaged and disowned and is constantly bubbling up to the surface with feelings of ‘I am defective. I don’t belong. People don’t accept me, aren’t to be trusted, and will hurt me if I don’t get one up over them.’

This creates a state of constant anxiety, hypervigilance and the activation of internal survival programs. Because the true Inner Self is too damaged to generate a solid and healthy ‘self-identity’, the False Self is constantly in need of hits of self-medication. This is to try to feed the narcissist with energy to offset the inner self-damnation that is always threatening to engulf him or her.

This is ‘narcissistic supply’, and the ego is very exacting about what the quality of this needs to be. It needs to provide ‘Look at me. I am significant’.

It is such a small window of ‘correct attention’ that if you don’t supply the feedback that provides the narcissists with ‘entitlement above all others’, as well as acclaim, praise, recognition and the fawning that the narcissist’s ego may demand, then you will be punished.

Because a narcissist is not taking responsibility to do what is necessary for emotional trauma recovery – turn inwards to heal their inner wounds causing their dysfunction – they truly believe that the triggers going off within them are your fault. You are an extension of their ego – a tool with which they self-medicate, to try to save themselves from their own inner annihilation.

If this isn’t done adequately – which of course is an impossible job – then the narcissist’s erupting inner wounds will be your fault. He or she will tear into you without conscience, with the full brunt of the anger and trauma that he or she is presently experiencing.

Letting off this spew of internal trauma onto you grants the narcissist some temporary relief. But, of course, because nothing is ever resolved internally the same trauma and behaviour keeps coming back.

There is another piece to this. The narcissist recruited you because he or she believed you were A-grade narcissistic supply. The narcissist’s False Self is childish and loves to indulge in fantasies. Something about you was so idealised and put onto a pedestal that the narcissist feels convinced that you being their drug will grant them the self-medication – the ego feed – to keep the inner demons at bay. Of course, when this started to wear off, as all mature relationships do in the real-life necessity of two people cooperating and doing a workable partnership together, the narcissist starts hating that you are not the durable, self-medication object that he or she assigned you as.

Then, inevitably, the narcissist will start devaluing you and blaming you. He or she will start sourcing newer, fresher ego supply elsewhere.

Naturally, at this point, you wonder where the ‘wonderful’, ‘adoring’ person went… That person wasn’t ever in love with you. He or she was merely getting off on the narcissistic supply that you were providing.


The Divorcing From Humanity Within the Narcissist

When we ask ourselves ‘How are people capable of that?’, what we need to understand is that their connection to humanity, internally, has been disowned.

Our Inner Being is our connection to everything – ourselves, Source/Life/God and others. I believe that this is the holy trinity; that it is essential for us to realise this if we are to be an integrated and holistically connected to The Field Being. It must all start through ‘Self’ first.

If we are divorced from Self, as narcissists are, having buried their True Selves deep within, then we are doing what everyone does… Only being capable of relationships at the level of relationship we have with Self. We all see in others what we see in Self. We love others at the level that we love ourselves.

How much self-rejection and self-abandonment is there within a narcissist who declares, ‘I will not be me. I need to be a fictitious character instead.’?

How do narcissists see others? As fake. As people who are also in it for themselves, who are ‘objects’ – just as the narcissist’s False Self is – trying to manipulate people to get a slice of the good stuff.

To the narcissist, you are an object who requires controlling in case you get control of him or her.

The narcissist has no comprehension of your soul, and realness and feelings, any more than they do of their own.

People believe that narcissists get malicious delight out of shredding people’s souls, but I don’t really believe this is the case. They punish you for not helping them feel better. They don’t really think that you are capable of such hurt, and this is because when hurting, they have very little awareness of any self-love, self-soothing or self-care for themselves. Narcissists have severely stunted, or non-existent, empathy.

They just try to get up and go again by grabbing the next hit of narcissistic supply, significance, or an addiction to self-medicate – anything they can get hold of.

Sentimentality and emotional hurt, compassion, sensitivity, and remorse are not emotions that narcissists can understand, let alone access. The truth is that narcissists have zero comprehension of what they have done to you, and firmly believe they are the victim that you have treated terribly.


The Dark Side of the False Self

When there is only a False Self, there is no True Self taken into account. Then there is no True Self recognition in others outside of oneself either.

The False Self is the only entity – and it is all about the False Self.

Nothing else.

This is why a narcissist doesn’t care about how it affects you when playing with you like a cat with a mouse. ‘I’ll throw you away, then I’ll reel you back in – because if I get your tears, apologies, attention, and even anger, it feeds my ego and makes me know that I am significant enough to affect another person in this way.’

You will be pathologically smeared to others because it’s great fodder to get sympathy off people. If you lose face with family, friends or colleagues, or lose your job over it, so be it.

The narcissist may be toggling you with other lovers or stealing your resources and contacts behind your back. According to the narcissist, this is all fair game.

This is the product of the dire ‘separation’ illusion of narcissism and the False Self – which is the most dangerous fracture in all of humanity – not realising that at the Quantum level everything and everyone is interconnected.

Look at what our world does, as per its arrogance with our entire eco systems. It’s the same thing. The ego believes that it is all that exists and there is nothing and nobody else who should be worthy of consideration – as long as the ego is fed.

This is an insatiable black hole, just like the literal one in space, which sucks neighbouring celestial bodies up whole and then keeps going – because it is never ‘filled up’. The truth is there is nothing there to fill.

The terrible fate for the narcissist is the same: I’m going to be alone, no matter what, because I destroy everyone I am with, and even if I don’t I can never connect to care for and love them anyway. They are simply an object to serve my False Self, which can never achieve wholeness and peace.


The Real Truth – You Don’t Matter – And You Need To

Of course, initially when we realise we don’t matter – and that we weren’t loved and the relationship we endured with this person was because of this – it can feel intensely personal. We are shocked when we are treated without consideration and discarded or replaced, or even maliciously abused.

The truth is we either outlived our usefulness or the narcissist is now trying to hurt us horribly to get reactions that make him or her still get narcissistic supply.

The real truth is we didn’t matter, because the narcissist is not ‘matter’. They are a False Self, that is not real. Nothing matters other than the False Self. He or she is not capable of internally mattering or recognising this mattering in others.

Now here is the clincher and our incredible soul lesson in this: we need to matter to ourselves, regardless of whether we matter to a specific other.

If you get this, really get this, I want you to write below: ‘From today forward I MATTER to ME!’

If we try to get ‘us’ from False Sources, that is from anyone who is not ‘us’, then we are in very hot water. Wrong Town, in fact. Where the people we cling to and get hurt by are the people who are really reflecting back to us our own inner disconnection, divorcing and lack of self-partnering.

I promise you with all my heart, when you let go of the narcissist and turn inwards to face and heal your wounds of not feeling like you matter between you and you, and Source/Life/God and others, then you will never accept a relationship like this again. Rather, you will generate real, healthy relationships with people who do have the resources to matter to themselves and recognise that others matter also. And you will easily let go of people who you realise just don’t have these resources.

I want you to understand the total truth that can help us wake up – we cling to people who hurt us when they are not providing us with what we haven’t yet healed.

So, as the full circle with this Thriver TV episode, which all of mine really are, this is not actually about the narcissist hurting you – this is a given, that’s just what narcissists do. This is REALLY about your turning away from them and turning inwards to heal you so that you can stop being stuck in this pattern of hurting yourself.

Do you realise that as much as the narcissist is punishing you for not granting the perfect, ever-constant, narcissistic supply, you are holding the narcissist responsible for not giving you healthy love and inner solidness and peace? The insanity has got to stop. The narcissist is not going to take self-responsibility, but you can.

Okay, so to start healing from this pain and madness I invite you to join me on my 16-day course, where you will get relief and clarity – and it’s all free.

Come with me by clicking this link.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always, I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.



How Narcissists Keep You Sick, Traumatised And Helpless

How Narcissists Keep You Sick, Traumatised And Helpless


Many people are shocked by how sick, traumatised and helpless a narcissist makes them feel.

Even if you have completely gone No Contact, it’s as if the abuse lives on inside of you – like some terrible virus.

And, of course any contact or news can be like a new batch of poison coursing through your Being.

What is going on here?  How can we get out of this?

In today’s Thriver TV episode, I share with you a very important story that is all our stories. It is my greatest wish today, that this story offers you an incredible opportunity to understand deeply what being sick, traumatised and helpless really is about…

As well as how to HEAL from it for REAL



Video Transcript

I know that you know what it feels like to be stuck in the continual obsession of someone hurting you.

It feels like they are under your skin, crawling around inside you – and your brain is frantically trying to find some solution to the psychic infiltration; the terrible sickness that has infected you.

I remember feeling like this.

I see people still stuck in this every day.

In today’s Thriver TV, I’m going to share with you an important, real-life story that just happened.

This story is not just this lady’s – it’s yours and mine and everyone else’s who has been narcissistically abused. We are truly all in this together.

It is my greatest hope today that this story brings you the answers, peace, and power to get out of feeling sick, traumatised and helpless at the hands of a narcissist, forever.

All right, so before we get started I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for subscribing to my channel and helping support the Thriver Mission and way to heal. If you haven’t as yet subscribed, please do. And if you like this video please give it a thumbs up!


A Beautiful Person Who Is Hurt

I talked to such a lady a few days ago. A friend of mine – a lovely kind, giving, caring lady. She is in her sixties, and she adores her children and her grandchildren. This is a lady who loves unconditionally; who would give the very clothes off her back for other people.

Yet she is plagued, infected and suffering every day with the trauma of the narcissists in her previous and present life.

Since childhood she has lived through a father and other family members abusing her narcissistically.

She was the child who looked after her siblings; who helped raise them, protect them and care for them within a family that was toxic and abusive.

Devastatingly, the present narcissist in her life is her brother. One of the siblings she gave her devoted care, attention and support to. She literally raised him.

Her brother has it all – seemingly. The perfect, abundant, successful life. But he completely disregards my friend – this beautiful lady, who is renting, on welfare and has numerous health afflictions. Despite this, the brother attacks my friend constantly, bad-mouthing her to other family members and even her own children and nephews and nieces, whom my friend loves and cherishes.

Every day the obsession of wanting her brother to repent and stop smearing her plagues her. She wants her brother to wake up and recognise what she did for him. And apologise, love her, support her and stop desecrating her. My friend can’t stop herself checking in with family members about what has been said and what is going on with this brother’s functions and events.

So many of us know this story – giving everything we had, and then some, to care for and love a person, only to see them run off into the sunset with the goodies, while we are left behind broken and shattered on the ground in pieces.

My friend is strong and such a survivor, yet the feelings of being sick, traumatised and helpless remain. She admitted today that a couple of years ago the trauma had got so bad she wanted to give up, and that presently she is feeling like she is battling every day to get up and get on with it because her health conditions have become so acute.

She has been through so much and it hasn’t destroyed her, yet is only ‘surviving’ the end goal?

I don’t believe it is at all, because I know there is another way, and if we don’t find it, then we stay sick, traumatised and helpless, and our life continues to break down.


The Truth About All Of This

My friend is spiritual; she is a really beautiful soul. She is the usual type of person that I see get devastated by narcissistic abuse every day – good people. People who are giving, loving and caring, who believe that being ‘a good person’ is enough.

It’s not.

Well, not in the context we thought it was.

To be a good person means that we must be good to ourselves first. And the truth is no one taught us the truth about this. In a world where power over was the programming we received – the needs of a few catered to at the expense of the needs of many – we were brought up to believe in the self-sacrificial model of ‘Do unto others as you would have them do onto you.’

Did this work? No it didn’t!

It actually defies all Quantum Law – because if we believe this model works, then we will give and give until it hurts and then when we don’t receive the love, approval, and validation from these people, we feel incredibly hurt.

And if these people turn on us and start smashing us, as narcissists do, then we become traumatised.

Which is exactly what this lady, very understandably, is.

In Quantum Law – so within, so without – the absolute truth is the outer universe responds to us in the exact way that we create our inner universe. It also means that the choices we make in our outer universe will correspond directly with our inner universe.

In short, the only way to honour The Field (everyone and everything) in honourable ways is to align with and be true to our own emotional resonance and inner knowing for ‘Self’. Giving and staying attached to people who are not healthily respecting us hurts. And if we continue this, we get more hurt.

People do not treat us as we treat them, they treat us as we treat ourselves. We, in effect, train people how to treat us with our own self-love, respect and healthy boundaries.

If we pull away from abusive people, heal our inner emotional state, which can only be performed by us, then these people will either rise to meet us at a healthy level of relationship or they leave our experience.

Either way we are living congruently to Inner Quantum Truths.

For my previous self and this lady, if we have the beliefs ‘I haven’t got rights’; ‘I can’t speak up or I’ll be criticised, abandoned, rejected and punished (C.R.A.P.)’, then we disconnect from the needs of our Inner Being and start tuning into and catering to everyone else, trying to get them to love and respect us. Yet, because we have self-abandoned, they don’t. We will stay attached trying to get the love and approval from Sources who have no capacity to give unconditionally.

The astounding thing is, even if people do show up in our life, supporting and granting us love and approval, we may feel guilty and obligated and revert back to the old programs of ‘giving to stay safe whilst trying to get love’, rather than being able to accept love and support healthily.

Our Inner Love Code may not be aligned with healthy relationships – this becomes especially apparent in intimate love relationships usually – and we get deeply distraught in unhealthy ones.

I will say this – the most beautiful, empathetic souls are the ones who suffer the most. They are the people most likely to be abused, who feel the most devastated by abuse and who struggle greatly to see the truth.

When you are in this victimised state of knowing what a good person you are and being dismayed by the behaviour of others, this is the dialogue that of course happens:

‘I want you to suffer for not loving me and understanding what you have done to me’ (And then there is the horrific guilt of knowing that you are a good person but can think like this!)


‘I can’t stop thinking about all the terrible things you have done to me, and the horrible things you say to people about me.’ (Because I can’t stand people not thinking I am the lovely, giving, kind person that I am.)

(Oh gosh – personally this was one of the HARDEST things I had to heal from narcissistic abuse. But the freedom was sooooo vital in doing so!)

When we haven’t yet understood the truth, come inside, self-partnered and healed our inner beliefs, we are stuck in this terrible victimhood – with no relief.

That is a total formula for staying sick, traumatised and helpless.


The Insidiousness of Persecution Programs

Beautiful people who carry deep inner persecution programs have this in common. They are:

• Kind and genuine with high integrity.

• Very concerned about what other people think about them, often apologising or over-explaining for things they don’t need to.

• Very attached to needing people to know that they have a good character.

These people often do the over-checking in, the making sure, the being scared to assert their rights and needing permission to be themselves. It could be termed as over-consideration.

In stark contrast, narcissists act over-entitled without consideration.

These are the people I often see really stuck in being traumatised, sick and helpless at the hands of narcissists.

Let’s investigate deeper beliefs; core primal survival beliefs about this.

There are deeply embedded traumas within us that we all carry in our cells.

The history of humans has been brutal. We now know through the studies of neuroscientists and epigenetics, that trauma is passed on from generation to generation. If you believe in past lives and that we are a soul evolving to free ourselves of trauma lifetime to lifetime, then you can appreciate that we may have come from terrible histories where we were persecuted, and even have energetic memory within us that makes it terrifying to try to have rights, a voice and be ourselves.

I can’t tell you how many people, including myself, who used to freeze, panic and would always hand power away rather than stand in their truth, and all because of terror and carrying these following inner traumatic subconscious programs…

‘If people don’t believe in me, I could be persecuted and die.’

‘If I don’t prove myself to people, I am not safe.’ And…

‘If people think badly of me and I don’t get them to see the truth, I am going to be put to death.’

Please know inner subconscious programs are not logical – they are deeply felt somatic experiences that are emotional-based and run our lives.

This is the inner topography of so many nice people who have been brutalised by narcissists horrifically.

If you suffer emotionally from a narcissist smearing you, I want you to say these beliefs to yourself, go back to them on the video, or check them out on the blog transcript and sit with it, and see if your body responds. Can you feel emotional charges within you that resonate with them?

If so, you are carrying them.

And that’s important to understand, because your almighty subconscious, which generates 40 billion bits per second of processed information in your life as opposed to your logical mind that only operate 40 bits per second, is running your life on autopilot. By the time we are 35 years of age, 95% of our life is controlled by these programs no matter what we try to think.

It’s only by going inside and addressing them that they stop doing what subconscious programs do – play out in real life to the letter.


How to Heal from This

If we were to look at being sick, traumatised and helpless at the hands of a narcissist from the victim perspective, we could say my friend’s trauma is because her brother is a revolting person.

That’s certainly been her human story.

When I asked my friend what would help her feel better and well, she said to me, ‘Everyone understanding what a good person I am and my brother not being able to lie about me anymore.’

And then she said, ‘Him coming to me apologising and telling me he loves me.’

I looked this lovely lady straight in the eyes and I said to her, ‘The way things are, that’s not going to ever happen and it’s not even meant to happen?’

She looked at me in horror.

I said, ‘The real question I have for you is, “What is it within you that needs these things to happen for you to be healthy and whole and at peace?”’

She looked at me in astonishment.

I shared with her my story and how I used to feel the same as her and how I ended up as a victim a millimetre off death.

I then asked her to have an open mind and heart to hear what I was going to say next – I set the intention that her soul, not her logical mind, would hear me.

And then I took a deep breath and unleashed it in one big outpour.

This is what I said:

• You probably have been through lifetime after lifetime of being kind and loving to people, and being smashed no matter how loving you were.

• Before you came down ‘this time’ as your soul evolution, which is the real reason you are here, you wanted to heal from this – you wanted to come home inside your body to navigate your True Life from your Inner Being.

• Your brother and all the other narcissists in your life have been belting you to bring forth the unconscious wounds from your past lives and genetic family trauma history to do with ‘Other people have power over me and I don’t have my own rights and truth.’ and ‘My life is in the hands of what other people believe about me and how they treat me.’ that were already inside you.

• You are now in a time of evolution where you can release yourself from all the trauma that has accumulated within you, which is bringing you to your knees, and all the painful beliefs that have formed around these traumas, so that you fill with Source, became your True Self and go free.

• Then you will no longer have the obsession about your brother’s behaviour, and you won’t require anything from him or anyone else in order to feel whole.

• By achieving this soul graduation, your brother’s smear campaigns will fall over; people will come to you and your children, who have been suffering at his hands, will also heal and disconnect from him.

• You will discover from this evolution of yourself that this wasn’t about him at all. It was always about freeing yourself from the traumas within to go forth into life in empowered safe ways, no longer tiptoeing around people or being with broken people trying to get them to love you.

Her eyes were as big as saucers.

She was in tears as she said, ‘I know what you are saying is true.’

Okay, let’s just stop right here everyone – YouTube Thrivers. Can you feel this inside to be your truth too? My intention today was that this episode also spoke to your soul – just like every episode I do.

If your soul resonates, I want you to write below: ‘I know this is what has been happening FOR me and not TO me as well.’

Okay, so, I thought to myself, ‘My goodness, I’ve just smashed this lady with so much information!’

She asked me, ‘What do I do now?’ I said, ‘Heal’ and I gave her my link to my 16-day free course.

This is the text I received from her: ‘Hi Melanie, thank you for all your information. So much to read and take in. All so real and true. Loving it!’

And I’ve received more nearly every day!

I am so thrilled that she could be on her way to healing and freeing and saving her health, life and soul, and not have to keep coming back lifetime after lifetimes suffering these people so as to heal.

The buck can stop for her here!

This is what I want for all of us. To awaken, go within and heal at the cellular subconscious level, where we need to, rather than stay sick, traumatised and helpless trying to battle this logically, which simply doesn’t work.

So if you’ve had enough of the pain – enough is enough – then my pledge to you is that I will do everything in my power, as my life’s mission, to help you break free into the life and love that you deserve – instead of this painful nonsense we all can get trapped in.

It all starts here, as it did for my friend, by clicking this link.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.



My Personal Dating Plan For Weeding Out Narcissists

My Personal Dating Plan For Weeding Out Narcissists


So many people are terrified about dating again especially after being narcissistically abused.

But is there a way to navigate dating so that you will never be susceptible again?

Is it about ‘where’ to look for a potential mate?

I really don’t believe so – because our fears and wounds find us no matter where we are.

So … therefore what we really need to look at and understand is WHO you are Being whilst dating – the definite steps you need to make to call in a beloved whilst remaining completely Narc Proof!



Video Transcript

I love this topic because I’m passionate about people understanding this information.

Many individuals have a huge aversion to purposefully dating – they literally despise spending time going out on dates and meeting potential partners. They may loathe wasting their time with the wrong people, as well as the effort and even the money spent when dating.

Shouldn’t the Universe just deliver your perfect partner to you?

Why date anyway?

I’m going to have so much fun answering these questions very soon!

And what about those of us who have been shredded to pieces by narcissists? Maybe we met these people whilst going out on dates.

Many of us have fallen into relationships with narcissists that nearly claimed our lives, so how can we date and not have that happen again?

That’s another question I can’t wait to answer!

So, stay watching because we are going to get into lots of juicy information today about how to date and align with a beloved, whilst safely weeding out narcissists along the way.

Okay, before we get started, I want to remind you that if you haven’t yet subscribed to my channel please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.


Is Internet Dating Dangerous?

Many narcissistic experts will tell you that Internet dating is dangerous … because people lie, misrepresent, and get all sorts of inside information on you to manipulate you, etc.

This amuses me because people we meet during normal day-to-day interactions can lie and misrepresent themselves too. Your next-door neighbour, who you have known for years, could be a compulsive liar and a total sociopath – yet you don’t know it.

Also, so what if people know what your likes and dislikes are and what you are looking for in a partner? This is not a threat if you are not too needy to be susceptible to being love-bombed and if you have healthy boundaries. Which means that you are ready and capable to confront things that feel uncomfortable and you are prepared to have any necessary difficult conversations.

When we get serious about taking responsibility for our life and being a healthy adult, we don’t connect with people at intimate levels before working out what their integrity and ethics are.

If you are a sensible, whole, together human being, then you won’t let a person into your home, bed and body before it’s healthy to do so.

You also won’t let a stranger come to your house or meet them somewhere that isn’t a public place. And you won’t capitulate to do any of these things, even on a second, third or beyond date, if you don’t feel comfortable to do so.

That’s not being paranoid – it’s being real and caring for and valuing both yourself and other healthy adults. It’s about respecting and valuing yourself to take your time to get to know a potential love interest before trusting them.

Regarding the arguments against internet dating – I believe it is the best opportunity to date for virtually everyone who is no longer in their 20’s.

When you are in your 30’s, 40’s and beyond, where are you going to meet easily the right potential partner? Do you have enough friends with single friends? Are you involved in enough clubs to give you a wide variety of choices? These are the questions you should be considering rather than letting in the first attractive person who turns up.

Are you going to try to meet someone at a nightclub?

There are wonderful people on internet dating and there are narcissists, just as there are both in every aspect of life.

People ask all the time, ‘Which site should I go on?’ If you are after a committed relationship, choose a site that is not about hook-ups. I would strongly suggest also joining one with paid membership, as that is a sign of a more genuine intent. But apart from that, your success comes down to the Quantum Truth – which has nothing to do with everyone else.

It is all about WHO YOU are Being.

There are people on the same sites having dreadful experiences and there are people on these sites having wonderful ones. None of this has anything to do with luck and other members on these sites – it is to do with consciousness and inner personal development.


How to Meet Future Narcissists and How to Avoid Them

Regardless of whether you are on an internet dating site, at a party or a friend’s gathering, or walking around a supermarket or a nightclub, living in fear of who you could meet and NOT being your authentic whole self is your biggest danger point.

We attract what we fear – no difference to someone swerving off the road and being focused on and going straight into a tree.

If we have our traumas and fears stuck inside us, then inevitably we will hide out and avoid potential relationships – which means they are eating us alive anyway. And if we try to find love, we risk someone coming in who matches these internal trapped traumas.

Ironically we will think this person is the saviour of our wounds; that they will take the pain away. But they end up smashing us so hard that there is no avoiding our stuck traumas – the disowned parts of ourselves that we were not previously dealing with and liberating ourselves from.

In matters of love, once we start embracing these fears and have a plan with how to deal with them to FULLY become our radiant power and authentic self, I promise you that narcissists will become repulsive to you. And as the strong, buoyant, self-loving boundary beast that you will be – a narcissist will run away and towards much easier prey.

There will be NO taking you down!

If you want to be this man or woman and if you are with me, write ‘Boundary beast here I come!’ below.

Okay, let’s get into the real meat of this…


Be Ruthless With Rejecting Your Old Pattern

The Field of ‘relationship’ at the Quantum Level brings to us the evidence of our Inner Love Code. So let me be really straight with you about this – if you are trying to look for a different person to have a different experience with, you are in Wrong Town.

YOU need to BE the different person who is now aligned with the Love Experience you seek. So how do you break out of your old Inner Love Code and into the new one you want to have? With self-investigation, complete self-honesty and a devotion to reprogramming your Love Code with diligent inner healing.

Most of us in this community have, or had, an Inner Love Code that doesn’t serve us, and it up to us to up-level from the Inner Code to much healthier realities. Let me explain…

My painful Inner Love Code was making me take part in love relationships with controlling, possessive, jealous men. I didn’t have rights; I didn’t have a voice; and heaven forbid if I chose my passions, freedom or self-expression.

I incessantly put up with being controlled and ‘owned’ like this, terribly.

Thank God I realised the pattern needed to stop – and I needed to be the women who no longer lived it. There were many inner beliefs and traumas I needed to shift so that I would no longer be derailed with guilt or fear by these men, thus handing over my independence and individuality.

I also realised that the men I dated had to have the emotional security to not only allow me to have my own life, interests and success, but also to encourage and support it.

I got very clear and had to do a lot of work on confronting, standing up and no longer tolerating – by leaving – if the old pattern emerged again. I am happy to say now I would not tolerate for ten seconds that behaviour, and it simply does not exist in any shape or form in my love-life today (and hasn’t for many years).

There are many different defunct Love Codes. Yours may be unavailable partners, and so there is no way you would tolerate the engulfing, interrogating twenty text messages a day I used to put up with, all the while telling myself ‘It’s because he loves and misses me so much’. Just as I wouldn’t put up with a man going missing for three days and tell myself ‘Oh he must just be busy.’

Back then, even though I was doing my Love Code extremely unhealthily, I was very clear on unavailable men. If one even looked like being that way I’d say, ‘This is not the kind of relationship I’m after. Are you interested or not? Because if you aren’t, don’t waste my time.’ I had zero tolerance and therefore barely ever came across unavailable people, and when I did I could end these relationship potentials easily.

The truth was I had ZERO attraction to these types.

Just as you may say to a controlling date, ‘Do not think I’m going to tolerate you breathing down my neck every minute of the day. You don’t own me!’ and walk away and never look back.

This is the deal – not only are we attracted to the people who represent our painful Love Code, we also unconsciously collude to keep them going.

I used to believe attached, possessive love meant I was adored and wouldn’t be left (I was terrified about abandonment), so I would make excuses for this behaviour and not lay strong boundaries to it out of the fear of being dumped for not complying.

You may tolerate unavailable partners, because a parent was unavailable and you are used to hanging in there waiting for crumbs of affection and attention. Therefore you will make excuses regarding ‘why’ this person doesn’t have the resources or the desire to commit to you.

Maybe you are distraught about how people who are only interested in sex present in your life, and yet when communicating with people you have an unconscious belief that you have to be sexually attractive enough to have a chance with them.

Maybe unconsciously you have been objectifying yourself, rather than being solid inside regarding your worth and value, and therefore commanding that a potential partner will want to spend time to get to know you rather than sexualise you.

This is the thing, when you get very serious about changing your previous painful Love Code you will go through major discomfort – because getting out of the Love Code takes effort. It takes confronting and healing the parts of ourselves that we may not want to own and be honest about.

I had to get super honest about my fears of abandonment, which were causing me to call in and tolerate engulfers. I had to fully go into that terror inside me, hold it, release it and heal myself beyond it. Otherwise, if I didn’t do this, it was always going to give me every excuse – our brain always makes up stories to justify the fulfilling of the Inner Love Code – to keep gravitating towards these people and hang on to them despite their abuse.

I can’t urge you enough to get serious about fully facing and owning what your painful Love Code is. Do you know what to heal within you to no longer partake in this Love Code? What type of potential partner do you need to say ‘No’ to now – just like an addict needs to give up the drug that has been destroying them? What work will you need to do on yourself so that you reprogram your Inner Love Code to be aligned and attracted to healthy people rather than the old painful pattern?

I promise you, if you do the inner work on your Love Code you will get there. I and so many others have achieved this. Personally, now I find engulfers completely off putting. I have zero attraction to them. Today I am so happy to report that I am with and attracted to a decent, caring man who allows ‘me to be me’.

If you would like to –  how about sharing your revelations regarding your Inner Love Code below.

I’d love to hear about them!


Employ Gratitude and Growth from Your Previous Painful Relationships

I think it’s safe to say, all of us in this community have baggage. If we have been narcissistically abused, we have lots of experiences about having our souls and lives torn to shreds.

The question is: how are we dealing with this baggage?

Are we being a victim just ‘going’ through this trauma or are we determined to be a Thriver ‘growing’ through it?

The victim believes someone else has to take their pain away for them and grant them the love, approval, security and survival that they don’t feel they can grant themselves.

I used to feel like this too. It doesn’t work. Rather this is a recipe for ongoing relationships of abuse, victimisation and traumatisation.

It is no one else’s job to heal us – it is our own.

The Thriver accepts that their previous trauma exposed what was as yet not whole within. The Thriver has taken on their own inner development so as to not just escape abusers in the future, but also to up-level themselves to a place of self-love, self-worth and self-generative ability that they have never felt before being abused, even if abuse is all they have ever known.

There is no more positive way to grow beyond patterns of being in abusive and toxic relationships than employing gratitude and growth – because when you do this there is no longer a desire to have other people be a source to ‘self’. It means moving beyond being a damaged inner child in an adult’s body, unconsciously looking for a parent to heal you.

When we accept that we must do the inner work, we can grow up inside and then seek another healthy adult to share a healthy life with.

I really believe it is only this generation now that is waking up to understand that someone else doesn’t complete you. To be with a soul mate there is a necessity to mate your own soul first, otherwise, you will find yourself with yet another cell mate – a person who doesn’t heal your inner wounds for you, but rather grants you the evidence of them.

I promise you with all of my heart, one of the biggest inoculations you will ever have against narcissists whilst dating is to be anchored into your gratitude and growth from your previous experiences.

A narcissist is looking for your weaknesses, your unhealed wounds to hook you with.Victims are easy targets for narcissists, because they talk about what has hurt them in the past thus allowing the narcissists to pretend to be the saviour of it. Then, like a parched human in a desert finding an oasis, the victims are snared and in the narcissists’ clutches.

I promise you this used to happen to me too!

However, when you tell a narcissist that you are focused on self-actualisation, being grateful for you your self-awareness and growth and being committed to your evolution, you may as well be holding up garlic to a vampire.

Narcissists detest authenticity and healthy self-ownership and power.

They truly have to get away from it, because it is such a painful reminder of how they are powerless to affect you. Narcissists can only operate in your experience by using the energy of your wounds against you.

If you completely own them, are grateful for them and have them in hand, there is no way to get hooks into you.


Multiple Date with Real People

I truly mean this…

Think of dating like a sales funnel. You are putting yourself out there to more than one person so that there will be a level of interest expressed possibly by several. Then with each of these people, there is follow up qualifying to see if there is a match in order to connect further.

Ultimately the goal is for a real transaction to take place – in this case, the exclusivity commitment between you and one other person.

I know this sound ‘unromantic’. However, please know dating with multiple potential people can be so healthy and incredibly fulfilling. Imagine meeting lovely people – who you have qualified to have integrity and compatible values to you via emails and a phone call before meeting – and enjoying a glass of wine and a meal whilst conducting yourself like a lady or a gentleman getting to know people at a respectful pace.

It’s great fun! Instead of just hoping to be chosen, it brings you so much growth and development as you experience how you can lay boundaries, have difficult conversations if needing to speak up and ask questions, all the while knowing that you are ascertaining whether or not this person is suitable for you.

In the old days, when I was unhealed and not in my power at all, I was terrified of dating and my experiences with it were horrific. To stop going through such ‘horror‘ and potential ‘torture’, all I wanted to do was grab the first likely candidate. No way could I have contemplated multiple dating, let alone thoroughly enjoying it!

Since learning about myself and dating, and determinedly healing myself from my previous painful Love Code, I have loved dating respectfully. I was looking for a potential suitor with similar values, character and integrity, as well as someone who I was attracted to, to commit to a relationship with.

When I started multiple dating, my current partner showed up very quickly. I believe it was because I was completely clear regarding who I was looking for. Also, I believed in abundance and plenty and I was enjoying the dating process without requiring a set outcome.

Importantly, make sure you get out on a date quickly with someone you are in communication with. Don’t get sucked into a pseudo relationship that doesn’t exist. If someone doesn’t want to meet up, move on to someone who does. And don’t get bogged down with or disappointed by one person. If someone doesn’t work out – it’s not meant to be. Look at it as a chance you’ve been given to heal yet something else within you.

There are plenty more opportunities and blessings from The Field. In fact unlimited, if you keep being the person aligned with and generating your healthy truth.


In Conclusion

I truly could go on so much more with this topic, and I can of course in answering your questions!

For those of us who have been narcissistically abused, let’s just go over this again – what I believe are the most important points.

They are:

• Do the inner work so that you are not leading with your wounds.

• Ensure you are very clear that from now you firmly say ‘no’ to partaking in your old painful Love Code pattern.

• Be grateful for your evolution and growth, rather than seeking someone to take the pain away.

• Don’t get stuck, disappointed or bogged down on one person.

• Know that you can be authentic and empowered and are no longer needy of instant hook-ups.

• Make sensible decisions regarding aligning with healthy people with integrity, people with whom you take your time to get to know.

Those of you who are NARPing, you have the perfect opportunity whilst dating to meet and release any triggers of fear within, to keep up-levelling and showing up more and more in your power.

This will generate the reality of a relationship with a beloved – someone healthily aligned with your True Self and True Life. Also you can receive guidance from myself and other successful Thriver daters in the NARP Forum to help you get there!

I so hope this video has helped.

If you know it’s time to get started on the realising and healing of your painful Inner Love Code, I can help you powerfully with your first step to generating a beloved mate – simply click this link.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

As always I am greatly looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.



How Childhood Trauma Makes Us Susceptible to Narcissists

How Childhood Trauma Makes Us Susceptible to Narcissists


Over the years, so many people have asked me this: ‘Did my childhood have anything to do with me being narcissistically abused as an adult?’

You may have made the link between a painful childhood and sustaining narcissistic abuse as an adult. Maybe abuse is all you have ever known.

Or maybe there was something more subtle going on that made you susceptible to narcissists – without you even understanding what that could possibly be.

In today’s VERY IMPORTANT Thriver TV episode, I want to help you understand vital physiological truths about how your ability to deal with stresses was formed as a child; how this may have been compromised and what that has to do with sustaining trauma as an adult.

I know this is going to answer some very important questions for you – as well as allow you to learn how to heal for REAL from these fractures and traumas today.



Video Transcript

So many people ask me often, ‘Has my childhood contributed to me being narcissistically abused?’

The answerer is a resounding ‘Yes’.

Is it enough to know this to get out of the horrors of narcissistic abuse? It’s a starting point but not the complete answer. True healing and solution can only come from rectifying the traumatic emotional inner imprints of our childhood. Because then we can have a solid and healthy Inner Identity which is no longer susceptible to abuse.

Today, in this very important Thriver TV episode, you will understand how your childhood has set you up for abuse and also how to heal for real, even if healthy relationships, love and connection have never been modelled for you.

Okay, so before we get started I want to remind you that if you haven’t yet subscribed to my channel please do. And if you like this video, please make sure you hit the like button.

Today there is so much I could cover, but I want to address the most important points. This is vital because I believe that we could spend decades in therapy without a result if we don’t just cut straight to the chase.

I have done episodes on narcissistic parenting before and I will share these resources with this video, but today I want to talk especially about our impaired emotional development as children and how this has lined us up for narcissistic abuse – as well as how to heal it for real.

Before I explain the trauma received in our childhoods, let’s just lay some foundational understandings about trauma.

What Is Trauma?

Trauma is the inability to deal with a certain stressful situation, which causes feeling overwhelmed and powerless.

Trauma, in short, is not being able to process difficult emotions to completion and then enact the solution. This is when trauma is internalised and has a life of its own inside our brain and nervous systems. It impacts our emotions, our thinking and often every part of our life.

Please understand the trauma centres and functions of your brain that deal with stresses are in your right-brain section. Trauma is generated within your emotional and nervous systems centres and therefore is stored in and affects your body.

When we are in tune with our Beings, we know how true this is. What I mean by this is that when you receive a trigger relating to an unhealed trauma you feel the ‘pang’ in your body. It may be a heaviness, a feeling of butterflies in your stomach, a shock of ‘cold ice’ through your veins, or you may start sweating and shaking. All sorts of processes start firing off in your body, including the urge to flee, react into defences (fight) or even shut done where you literally can’t think, answer or even move (freeze).

These are all right brain, instinctual functions; survival mechanisms that fire up when wise, clear and ‘safe’ problem-solving centres within your nervous system and brain are not on-line.

Unresolved stresses become traumas.

Stresses occur in life and will always be a part of our everyday life, forever. Whether or not they take us down and out into trauma depends on how we deal with them. A life of CPTSD (Complicated Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and anxiety and depression and powerlessness (victimhood) versus continually up-levelling ourselves and situations into more and more opportunity, growth and joy, evolution and greater interconnectedness with ourselves, life and others (powerful-ness).

The ability to do this depends on how healthily the emotional centres of our right brain and our nervous systems are functioning.

One of the gravest mistakes we can make regarding trying to regulate and manage our trauma is thinking that the answer is cognitive. It isn’t – in fact our left-brain logical functions can’t communicate with our right brain. They don’t help us process trauma through to completion and they don’t assist in developing these centres to deal with challenges and stresses effectively.

Truly, left-brain interception only invalidates and injures the right-side trauma centres even more – as you will discover later in this episode.

The Vital Understanding of What Trauma Does

Trauma is the culprit through and through.

If we have received trauma that has impacted us, it not only affects our brain and our entire nervous system, it also creates embedded belief systems that form our Inner Identity.

These traumatic beliefs become our reality and we can easily remain a victim to them – because they become self-fulfilling prophecies that keep us replaying the same traumatic patterns and disappointments over and over again, despite how hard we may try to avoid them. This is absolutely the case with narcissistic abuse when we find ourselves stuck in grave, and even life-threatening, trauma that is tearing us apart. Even though we know it is shocking and extremely bad for us we can feel powerless to let go.

Trauma does this – we feel like we have no voice or rights and that there is nobody dependable to step in and be the buffer, protect and help. We feel alone, isolated and confused.
Powerlessness takes over.

In our helplessness with trauma, the shame and guilt of not being able to cope is overwhelming; we don’t believe we are good enough or capable enough or strong enough to have a solution. Often we blame ourselves from the problems and stay connected to the narcissist, trying to fix things or be ‘better’ no matter what is happening to us. We feel defective and damaged and ‘wrong’.

This is why it’s important to understand what happened in your childhood to set you up for this and how it is not your fault. One of my greatest wishes for this TTV episode is to let you know that you are NOT defective, no matter how much you may feel like you are. What has happened to you is the ‘normal’ consequences of unconscious parenting, which sadly has been a product of parenting in our former generations. No-one taught anyone better!

Let’s have a look at what happened to us as children.

How Trauma Occurred as Children

Firstly, I want to start off by being very clear about one very important thing – this episode is in no way about blaming our parents. And I really mean that because no matter what they did and how they behaved, they were also a product of trauma – the way they were parented and the levels of trauma that preceded them in their families.

Once you understand this, you will realise how the feeling and emotional centres of our brain are formed and therefore appreciate the capacity each and every human being, including abusers, has in relation to relating to themselves, life and others.

Okay, let’s start right from the beginning – disappointments, challenges, and threats begin as a very small child.

These include being hungry and requiring food; hurting oneself or being scared and needing comfort; or feeling physically distressed and requiring restoration such as in the changing of a soiled diaper. Little children are completely codependent on a stable caregiver granting survival necessities as well as emotional comfort when in need.

If we have a present caregiver, who models safety and comfort for us, then the parts of our right-brain, which is the first side of our brain to develop when we are little, and our connected nervous systems can start to form healthily.

These are our emotional and social centres responsible for developing our beliefs about ourselves, our place in the world and other human beings. This healthy development is essential to having a solid and whole Core Identity.

I want you to understand that the ‘presence’ of a stable caregiver is imperative for the development of our right-brain emotional centres, so as to instil in us the vital ingredients of love, comfort and safety. This has to be ‘age appropriate’ to the child. We have to ‘feel’ the connection somatically in our Being for it to be real for us.

Logical action and provisions and purely ‘adult’ reactions do not translate to right-brain communication.

‘Come on snap out of it!’ to a small distressed child is never going to provide the comfort and healing that a heart-to-heart cuddle and soft cooing will. In fact, it is only going to compound the trauma of feeling ‘unsafe and unsupported’ even more.

To reach and soothe the compromised emotional centres, the input has to be things like caring physical touch and heartfelt words and sounds. Trauma is created from emotional sensory input that registers in the right brain, and the resolution can only come through the physical and emotional senses – the body being an effective way to deliver this.

I have had so many clients and NARP members over the years who, when I talk to them about the necessity to heal core trauma, say to me, ‘My parents were awesome, they always encouraged me and supported me in everything I wanted to do.’

My questions in response to this are, ‘Did they have time to just be with you, hold you in times of need, look you in the eyes and tell you how much they loved you? Could you confide in your parents and have them hear you and be there for you? Would they listen, allow you to be you and let you know how special you are?’

Yes, of course children need boundaries, to learn limits and how to handle disappointment, and to experience cause and effect (personal responsibility), but unless they know they are loved and valuable for who they are, then the emotional centres responsible for self-worth, self-love, self-value and resilience to challenges are seriously compromised.

I know your parents may have been terribly busy in survival mode, most of ours were, either practically or trying to deal with their own trauma. Could they be right-brain present with us so that our own right brain could develop properly?

Probably not.

Now, here’s the thing – right brain and nervous system centres begin forming when we are a foetus in utero. It is now scientifically proven that the mother’s emotional state and her ability to regulate her own emotions is a big contributor to how a child’s right brain centres start developing. If she is stressed without her own resources to integrate these stresses to completion, this directly compromises the child’s right-brain formation.

But the plot thickens and deepens even more, because the scientific study of epigenetics now tells us that the ability of certain genes to switch on or off is inherited. If we have come from ancestors who suffered trauma, then the parts of our right brain that could handle stress effectively for us may be shut down from birth. We may have over-formed, hyper-aroused centres and amygdalae, meaning rather than anchoring into our Core Identity to deal with stresses (which is the centre for our personal power), we will dissociate from our own Being, look outwards and get hooked into trying to control the uncontrollable (which is anything and anyone that is not us).

All of this brings in increased fractures within and without our lives – meaning more trauma and more traumatic events.

How Disassociation in Childhood Leads to Ongoing Trauma

If we didn’t have a functioning developed Core Identity (dependent on right brain and nervous system health), then we were carrying trauma after trauma because we had limited ability to integrate stresses to completion.

The biggest traumas to have impacted us as children were not the disappointments, frights, lack of safety or discomfort that we experienced – they were the traumas we experienced because a safe, functional caretaker did not show up to help us integrate these things back to calm and safety.

As children, we simply did not have the developed inner-resource centres to do this for ourselves, and therefore it became too traumatising to be ‘ourselves’, alone with these unresolved feelings inside of us – it was far too overwhelming. Then shame and guilt joined in, as well as self-blame for having painful emotions and possibly for causing angst or disruption to our parents for expressing them.

We learned it was wrong to feel. We disengaged from our bodies and from our emotions to survive. We checked out and zoned out – we self-medicated our feelings away with fantasy, distractions and even addictive and self-compulsive behaviours.

As we were growing up, rather than becoming more developed in our right brain, which is our connection and gateway to Self, Life, others and our Higher Power (True Source), we became more reliant on our left brain, which is not the master or healer of our right brain.

In fact, the left brain follows the body – it is ruled by the painful and fractured right brain beliefs we have about certain topics. Our left brain will agree with these beliefs and grant us all the excuses and justifications to bring these painful beliefs to fruition.

This is where the traumatic self-fulfilling prophecies that were established in childhood come into play. It’s so important to understand that trauma affects every part of the brain, both left and right.

Let’s say that when we were young no one was there for us to know in a right-brain way that we were supported and protected. We grew up believing ‘It’s up to me. No one is there for me.’ The result is that we will continually connect to people who we co-generate lack of support with – by rejecting any genuine support offered and trying fruitlessly to get it from people who are unavailable to give it.

Then we say, ‘See I’m right!’

Of course, all this is unconscious! Until we wake up and start healing and integrating and coming out of the self-generative trance, we believe that this is happening ‘to’ us rather than ‘through’ us.

The same goes for the traumatic beliefs about things like ‘People who are supposed to love me aren’t interested in me’. And even with tons of cognitive therapy and awareness of this, we may still connect with people who are ‘apparently’ recovering workaholics or who have been in therapy for previous adultery. We believe them to be healed, even though they still act out high-risk behaviours. And then we experience ‘being unimportant and discarded’ again.

The fuel to ‘be’ with people and situations who represents ongoing trauma comes from the right-brain, pre-programmed belief systems we established in our childhood which is then supplemented by the elaborate ideas and justifications that our left brain makes up to follow these beliefs – regardless of what we try to think and formulate.

This all happens because we are not healed and integrated or anchored to inner core truths and values in our body. We are dissociative. We are not yet safe to ‘be’ in our body.

Until we resolve our core trauma through our nervous systems, cells in our body and our right brain, and are able to be self-partnered in our body, this is the sad reality and the prison that we can be continually stuck in – and understandably it makes our trauma pile even bigger.

It makes it even harder to ‘be’ with ourselves – present in real time, in our own Being. We disassociate even more – to the point where we may not be able to feel anything except the rushes of our trauma, which are possibly now being triggered off randomly and continually within us.

This is exactly what Complicated Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is. We may believe it is to do with what has happened to us, however, the truth about this chronic reoccurring and ever-constant unsafe feeling is that we are NOT home within.

When we aren’t self-partnered, we are not in touch with Who We Are or what is or isn’t healthy for us. We don’t have access to our True Self power – we are a Being without a compass or rudder being tossed around mercilessly by Life.

This makes us highly susceptible to narcissists – beings who are highly exploitative, manipulative and pathological who pretend to be the person we need for us to feel safe and loved while using our disconnection with ourselves to mine our energy, life-force and resources.

When we awaken, we realise that the answer to all of this is NOT to try to control, research and monitor things and people outside of us or to keep believing and fuelling the self-fulfilling prophecies that our emotional centres keep playing out incredibly convincingly. The only remedy comes from waking up to the truth and turning inwards to do the necessary inner work to repair – where it needs it be repaired – at our Core.

The True Solution to Our Childhood Trauma and Ongoing Adult Trauma

Have I explained to you enough that the issue, the seat of this, is to do with your right-brain and nervous system?

I hope so, because this is where so many people go horribly wrong – trying to heal and restore themselves with left-brain tactics.

Your healing is going to be no more effective with research, cognitive therapy, investigating and learning, than your right-brain development was as a child when being told to ‘Snap out of it!’

I have found that the solution is turning inwards to your feelings, connecting with your Inner Self, experiencing shifts of trauma releasing, which are performed through direct visualisation, and then somatically feeling the subsequent healing.

These are all strategies that communicate with your right brain and nervous system, and start releasing the fractures and healing these centres back to wholeness.

The greatest minds in neuroscience and trauma recovery now understand that bodywork is key – that it’s through movement, feeling adaptation and sensory input that the right brain shifts, releases and integrates trauma so that people can finally feel resolved, safe and at home in their bodies.

Speaking from total personal experience – the entire success of our life is about being safe and whole in our own body. Without that we are constantly in trauma trying to survive ourselves, life and others.

I’ve lived both ways and I promise you the difference between them is heaven and hell.

Your greatest mission to get your life right is to be whole in your body. Everything else will come from there.

The startling thing that completely astounded me when I started healing myself from the inside out – at my Core Identity – was that I didn’t have to try to learn how to manage my trauma anymore. It was simply gone. I also didn’t have to learn how to be different for my life to work, or even how to love and accept myself.

When I effectively released trauma from within, these things organically came on line without me trying to learn anything.

This was a far cry from my previous belief that the best I could ever expect after a complete adrenal and psychotic breakdown (due to extreme trauma overload) was a lifetime of ongoing therapy and drugs to try to survive and manage my trauma.

Until Quanta Freedom Healing, which I developed as my right-brain/nervous system super-healing tool, I hadn’t realised the incredible Higher Power organism that we are and the ability we have to repair ourselves when we release our trauma and fill where it was with Source, through specific visualisations that evoke specific feelings.

I didn’t realise that we have the power to simply come back on-line and re-member and be-come Who We Already Are.

This is where science and spirituality come together as a powerhouse of healing. When you work with the physiological facts as well as enlist a Higher Power that can heal what we logically can’t and connect to it in a somatic, right-brain way, everything heals and becomes more whole than you have ever known it to be.

The new science of epigenetics teaches us this: if we change the environment, which is ourselves, then we can completely change our genes and our life – beyond recognition.

This is what I’m talking about – and what myself and so many people in this community are living. You need to know, to heal your right brain effectively you can’t just keep reading articles or watching YouTube; you have to start the real inner healing work.

And I’d love you to let me show you how, gently, safely and powerfully, by clicking this link.

I really hope this episode has helped you.

And if you want to see more of my videos, please subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new one is released. And if you liked this – click like. Also, please share with your communities so that we can help people awaken to these truths.

And, as always, I am so looking forward to answering your comments and questions below.