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How to Nourish Your Children’s Relationship Your Ex’s Parents

ex's parents grandmother's hand reaching for grandchild's hand

 

Gone are the days of staying together for the children. Divorce is rough on everyone, but kids are not a reason why you should stay in an unhealthy or unhappy relationship. We’ve developed our co-parenting skills until we’ve got it down to a science, but one that can be difficult is helping our kids form a relationship with their grandparents — especially our ex’s parents. How can you help nourish your children’s relationship with them?

Nourish Your Children’s Relationship Your Ex’s Parents

Maintain Regular Contact

How often do your kids talk to your parents? Calling grandma and grandpa can be a fun way to stay in contact, but it shouldn’t be limited to one set of grandparents. If they call your parents once a week, or video chat since visiting is currently discouraged, they should be doing the same thing with your ex-in-laws.

It might sound like an easy step, but if you’re only talking to your ex’s parents on holidays or during major events, you’re leaving them out of a large part of their grandchildren’s lives. That makes it hard to build a relationship. If you’re not sure what they could talk about during their weekly calls, maybe schedule them for later in the evening. That way, grandma and grandpa can read them a bedtime story over the phone or video chat.

Make It a Co-parenting Rule

Even if you and your ex aren’t on the best of terms, you should create a set of co-parenting rules that help define your behavior around each other and the kids. If nourishing a relationship between your children and your ex’s parents is important to you, make sure it’s defined in your expectations.

Rules help outline your behavior so you don’t have to spend a lot of time conversing with one another outside of the context of your children. This is helpful if you’re not on good terms. They can also ensure neither one of you is going to interfere with the relationship your children are building with their respective grandparents.

Be Prepared for Anything

If 2020 has taught us anything, it’s that we need to be prepared for everything. The spread of the coronavirus has made visiting friends and family members — especially those that are elderly or have underlying health conditions — anathema because we could be putting them at risk.

Make sure you’re prepared for the unpredictable. That might sound impossible, because how can you get ready for something you can’t predict? However, if you take the right steps, nothing will surprise you.

Keep Things Civil

This should be one of your most important co-parenting rules, whether grandparents are involved or not. Everyone should be required to keep things civil. Don’t talk crap about your ex or their parents around your kids. Don’t let your ex or your former in-laws disparage you and your parenting methods.

This can be a deal-breaker, so if you want to foster a relationship between your children and your ex-in-laws, make sure everyone is on the same page. If anyone breaks that rule, you may need to limit contact with them until they understand the consequences of their actions. It sounds harsh, but even if you’re not in a relationship anymore, co-parenting is still a partnership. Everyone has to be on the same page, or it all falls apart.

Keep Them Involved in Holidays

This step might require a bit of creative scheduling, especially if the two halves of your family aren’t on the best of terms. However, holidays are an important part of relationship-building, especially for grandparents. You’ve got a lot of options here. You can have one big joint holiday gathering if everyone is on speaking terms with one another and can remain civil for a few hours for the sake of their grandchildren.

If that isn’t possible, consider multiple holiday celebrations held on different days. Visit your parents one day and your ex’s parents next. The following year, visit the ex’s parents first, and then yours so everything is balanced. Whatever you do, make sure you’re keeping everyone involved in the holidays they celebrate.

Remember — They’re Still Family

Even if things fell apart between you and your ex, once you have kids together, your in-laws are still family. They deserve to have a relationship with their grandchildren. While there may be situations where this kind of relationship isn’t possible or wanted, you need to do everything in your power to keep communications open.

You don’t have to compromise your parenting style to help your children build a relationship with your ex’s parents, but you owe it to them to help them connect with their grandparents on both sides of the family. Your kids will be happier for it, and you can show them the value of strong family connections.

The post How to Nourish Your Children’s Relationship Your Ex’s Parents appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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What Divorced Parents Don’t Know That Their Kids Wish They Did Know!

What Divorced Parents Don’t Know That Their Kids Wish They Did Know!

Thirteen insights and messages children of divorce want their parents to know and understand that parents often overlook or don’t want to hear.

The post What Divorced Parents Don’t Know That Their Kids Wish They Did Know! appeared first on Divorce Magazine.

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6 Gifts Of Growing Up With Divorced Parents

6 Gifts Of Growing Up With Divorced Parents

Little Girl Scarf.jpg

Because my parents had a cooperative divorce, the evolution of our family was a relatively easy process for me. There were a rough few months during the initial adjustment period, but then I settled in and truly began to enjoy my two-home lifestyle.

At the time, I was simply having fun and going with the flow. I was ignorant of the gravity of the situation and oblivious to the life lessons I was absorbing. Years of adult-style research and reflection have helped me realize the gifts that came from my parents’ separation. When I think about the divorce, I’m grateful because…

6 Gifts Of Growing Up With Divorced Parents

1. My family grew.

As my parents recoupled, I gained a handful of pseudo-step-relatives, one of which became my best friend. I wasn’t particularly close with all the members of my new family, yet I continued to benefit from a larger circle of people who cared and supported my academic and extra-curricular pursuits.

2. I came to know my parents as people.

Throughout the divorce process, I saw my mom and dad struggle with their emotions as well as their ever-increasing responsibilities. The changes in our family unmasked a host of vulnerabilities that forced us to meet on common ground instead of maintaining the superiority model of a traditional parent/child relationship. The breakdown of those walls made it easier to confide in my mom and dad about tough issues, and to this day I believe that I’m closer with each of them as a result of the divorce.

3. I learned not to sweat the small stuff.

My primary childhood home lacked a male presence and excessive funding. As a result, we adapted to live with a messy house, mismatched curtains, dog-eaten linoleum and a faucet that operated only with the aid of pliers. It wasn’t a big deal. We still had clothes, shoes, food and heat, as well as plenty of laughter. I never did learn the value of a tidy bedroom, however, I don’t feel that’s a great loss.

4. I gained a new level of human understanding.

It was obvious to me that no matter how rich their history and how deeply my parents cared about each other, they couldn’t maintain their life together. They were different people. People who needed to fulfill separate destinies. As a result, I learned to stand up for myself and my goals while realizing that others must do the same. In my own marriage, I refused to sacrifice to the point of suicide, and I wished my husband well as we shook hands and parted ways. It’s OK to want different things.

5. The fighting stopped.

I’m sure my mom and dad disagreed from time to time, but they kept it out of my earshot. For the most part, the strongly-worded arguments halted when my parents stopped living together. Because of the divorce, my home was peaceful once again and my stress levels returned to that of a normal adolescent.

6. I’m self-sufficient.

To be completely honest, the reality of divorce shattered my fantasies of becoming a housewife. This might sound a little sad, but I know it was for the best since I’m a terrible cook and I hate to clean. On the other hand, I’m pretty darn proud of my education, career(s) and ability to support myself regardless of my relationship status.

My parents’ divorce helped to shape me into who I am, and I’m quite happy with the result.  I’m always disappointed to hear parents confess their guilt over a divorce. Of course, I can only speak for myself, but personally, I carry a lot of gratitude and wouldn’t change a thing about the way I grew up.

The post 6 Gifts Of Growing Up With Divorced Parents appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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Texas Parents Tell Lawmakers Of Devastation Of Being Wrongly Accused

Texas Parents Tell Lawmakers Of Devastation Of Being Wrongly Accused

There was gut-wrenching testimony at the State Capitol from Texas parents wrongly separated from their children by the State based on a misdiagnosis by medical professionals leading to child abuse

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Parents call for reforms to protect families from mistaken child abuse allegations

Parents call for reforms to protect families from mistaken child abuse allegations

Texas lawmakers pledge to “learn from past mistakes” as parents recall the pain of having children taken following disputed doctor reports.

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Texas parents falsely accused of child abuse seek legislative change in 2021

Texas parents falsely accused of child abuse seek legislative change in 2021

The committee is discussing the system of checks and balances between DFPS, the judicial system and medical professionals when abuse reports are submitted.

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Texas Parents Lose Custody Of Their Kids After Doctor Wrongly Suspects Child Abuse

Texas Parents Lose Custody Of Their Kids After Doctor Wrongly Suspects Child Abuse

These Texas parents lost custody of their kids after a doctor wrongly diagnosed their son and suspected child abuse.

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Texas Parents Lost Custody of their Kids After Doctors Wrongly Said Baby Was Abused

Texas Parents Lost Custody of their Kids After Doctors Wrongly Said Baby Was Abused

Jason and Lorina Troy were accused of abusing their infant son, but further medical tests found that he had a rare disease

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Elgin parents accused of child abuse meet with Texas lawmaker to prevent misdiagnoses

Elgin parents accused of child abuse meet with Texas lawmaker to prevent misdiagnoses

In 2015, a doctor evaluated the Troys’ infant son after his head continued swelling. The doctor diagnosed the child with shaken baby syndrome, according to the family.

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Elgin parents accused of abuse lose custody of children after doctors misdiagnose infant

Elgin parents accused of abuse lose custody of children after doctors misdiagnose infant

Lorina and Jason Troy had a picture-perfect life. A good job, a beautiful home and two happy boys. But it was all taken from them after several doctors continually misdiagnosed their sick child.

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