When he left, I thought I’d die, now that he is gone, I’m almost giddy!
When I think back on my husband leaving and the repercussions, I fervently wish that someone would have told me I’d one day be happy he left. At the time, though, I didn’t think I would survive emotionally. I was certain my life was over.
I was wrong!
It took time and a belief in myself before getting to a place I could be thankful for the new life I gained due to him leaving our marriage. I got there, eventually, and so will you.
Below are 6 reasons I’m happy he left.
1. I had no idea how strong I was.
I would have never known my own emotional strength and stamina if my marriage had lasted. I had a career, was financially independent but, I was quite emotionally dependent on him and my role as his wife. I defined my worth by my relationship with him.
Once he was gone and I was left to do life on my own as ME, I discovered that being autonomous wasn’t bad at all. Once I moved past the licking my wounds and feeling sorry for myself stage and began to take control over My own life. Although I had to build up enough courage in myself to step forward and find a new path for myself I honestly have to say, my life is 100% better without him.
2. I now know how awesome I am.
That isn’t something he wanted me to know. I think he knew it and was threatened by it. He knew my strengths better than I did. And he was threatened by what he knew me to be capable of. In fact, I think it terrified him and that is the reason he constantly demeaned and belittled my accomplishments.
His negative voice is no longer in my head. It’s been replaced by the voice of a woman who knows her own power and has total faith to go forward and kick some ass if need be.
You’re still in pain, still hoping he will come back and still trying to understand why he left. That is a path you are going to have to traverse, it’s called healing.
3. I’ve been able to expand my horizons.
When we were married, our future was all about his career, his idea of what was right and wrong for us as a couple. I deferred to his desires and opinions and I no longer have to do that. I sold my home and purchased one that better fit my style. I decorated it to my taste. I got rid of our family van and purchased a Volvo. I took a new path with my career.
You know what else I did? I kissed a lot of boys! I explored MY sexuality and learned that there are men who enjoy women who call the shots in bed. I gained so much insight into myself, my likes and dislikes in all areas of life. I seriously became myself for the first time in 15-years.
4. I redefined love.
I determined that if I felt unhappy or lonely in a relationship, it was my right to have more. I left relationships where I felt genuine love for my partner because I knew it wasn’t receiving kind of love I wanted and deserved. I make the conscious decision to not be in a relationship because I thought I was “less than” if I weren’t. I’m happily remarried and, this time, I got exactly what I wanted out of love…a healthy relationship.
5. He and our marriage brought out the worst in me.
Have you ever had that, “I am not this girl” moment, and realized that you woke up one day to be paranoid, unhappy, and “walking on eggshells”? I did, and it was literally like an outer body experience for me since I was always happy and positive before our marriage. Someone who loves you should bring you UP, UP, UP; stronger, better, and confident in your relationship with him.
It took him leaving for my sense of confidence to return. For me to feel happy and stronger and realize my own worth. I became a better person after accepting that he was not coming back and working through the pain caused by his leaving.
6. He took the drama with him when he left.
There was always chaos and drama in our marriage. There was always something he was unhappy about or some plan that had gone awry. He was like a petulant child who stomped his feet when he thought things were going according to his plans. And, I worked overtime to make sure his plans and needs worked out.
When he left he took that need to have control over every aspect of life with him. I, for the first time in years, was able to relax and go with the flow. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a planner too but, if things don’t go according to plan I don’t go apeshit crazy the way he did. It’s so nice to recognize that as abnormal behavior and RELAX.
I know some who are reading this will shake their head in agreement. They’ve been on their own long enough to learn the same things about themselves and life that I have.
Then there are those of you who are just starting out this journey. You’re still in pain, still hoping he will come back and still trying to understand why he left. That is a path you are going to have to traverse, it’s called healing. And, you will heal and once you do, you’ll have your own reasons why you are better off without him.