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Mother’s Day Dread: Special Occasions Can Suck When You Are Divorced

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mother's day dread small boy blue suit smiling with one rose

 

Let me preface this article with a caveat: what I am writing here applies not only to mothers on Mother’s day, it is applicable to father’s on Father’s day and to both parents for all significant events, holidays, birthdays, etc.

Mother’s Day is approaching quickly. Mothers’ Day hasn’t ever been my favorite day. This isn’t a specific result of my divorce however the divorce made my feelings toward the day more intense. My relationship with my mother is strained so I don’t really enjoy Mother’s Day.

Mother’s Day Dread

Special occasions are one of the many times we should put our children and the example we set for them above all other emotions. I won’t lie, sometimes this is difficult however rising above my selfishness is an example I want to set for my children. One of the things I have done throughout my marriage, separation, and divorce is making sure my children had money to spend on their dad, his parents, and their cousins for special occasions if the kids wanted to do so.

Even when their dad is manic and on the warpath I want my children to learn the right way to treat people. I want them to recognize sometimes we have to respect the position people hold in our lives even if it is difficult to respect them as an individual.

My ex is their dad, he always will be.

So I teach our children to get him Father’s day cards and gifts on special occasions. We celebrate all the special occasions in his life. No gifts or cards are from me, they are all from our children but I want to allow them to express their love and respect to him.   Some years we can afford more than other times; sometimes they give homemade cards and candy because money is tight. They always give him something.

My ex does not reciprocate the feelings I have about respect. This means my special occasions, if our kids want to get something for me, or do something special for me I have to foot the bill. Kind of takes the fun out of it doesn’t it?  So, instead of my children bought me something I normally give them a list of things they can do for me that I would appreciate. Things on the list range from extra chores around the house to encouraging notes, artwork, homemade cards, simple things they are able to do without my knowledge.

You know what?

My kids are awesome!!! Valentine’s day I came home to a dark house, a path lit with candles, romantic music playing, I followed the path through my home (it was lined with cute paper hearts they had cut out), to my bedroom where my youngest son was sitting surrounded by tea light candles (with a rose in his hand), he spread his arms and said: “mom, I will be your valentine”. I cried! My kids are amazing. He was my Valentine’s date. We went to the movies and, had McDonald’s and that was the best Valentine’s day I have had in my life.

The point is a little thoughtfulness goes a long way. Help your children express their love for your ex. My divorce is a high conflict divorce, things between us are not amicable but that doesn’t change how I want my children to treat their dad. Always make sure your children have the freedom and means to express their love and appreciation to your ex no matter how difficult the relationship between the adults may be.

The post Mother’s Day Dread: Special Occasions Can Suck When You Are Divorced appeared first on Divorced Moms.

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Why Narcissists Need To Suck The Goodness Out Of You

Why Narcissists Need To Suck The Goodness Out Of You

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It may make no sense that a narcissist needs to suck all the goodness out of you.

What is the point in destroying someone until they barely exist?

Why do narcissists pursue connections with people so fanatically, only to empty them out and throw them aside?

It’s completely illogical until you understand EXACTLY why!

 

 

Video Transcript

 

Many people wonder why narcissists act the way they do.

You may be distraught regarding the way the narcissist behaves, having zero consideration for your well-being.

Why do narcissists do this? Why does a narcissist have to suck you dry of your love, good nature, health, resources and even your very soul?

What is the point of being in a relationship with somebody, only to empty them out, and then throw their corpse into the gutter?

In today’s Thriver TV episode, I explain to you exactly why narcissists do this.

But before we get started, I’d like to thank you for subscribing to my channel and for supporting the Thriver mission. Also, if you haven’t yet subscribed, I’d love to remind you to please do and share this video so that you can help people globally know that it is now possible to heal for real from abuse.

Okay so let’s get started with today’s episode.

 

The Vampire Myth

The vampire myth bears such a strong resemblance to narcissism. Many believe that the myth was modelled on narcissism.

Vampires are the walking dead. They were purported to be lifeless souls sucking the blood (Life Force) out of humans in order to survive.

Narcissists are eerily similar. They feel dead on the inside, and it’s not until they get the feedback of somebody else’s energy (narcissistic supply) that they can feel alive.

Just like vampires without blood, narcissists without attention can’t exist. They don’t function.

Vampires had to hunt humans in order to exist.

Similarly, narcissists hunt other people’s energy in order to exist. They are as much hardened addicts, as any drug addict is, and also as much as vampires purportedly were.

Narcissists don’t just stop at attention; anything that feeds the insatiable ego (a bottomless deep black hole that can’t be filled) is fair game. This means commodities like sex, money, resources, and anything that is for the taking, including people’s time, health, years and emotions.

When you stay connected to a narcissist whilst trying to get them to change and behave like a normal, sensible, non-vampirish person, you are available as a source to be sucked dry.

Staying with a narcissist doesn’t earn you love, approval, security or survival. Rather, it smashes all of these things to pieces, emptying us out to our very demise.

 

A Narcissist Can’t Retain Their Own Energy

There is another phenomenon that explains why narcissists suck people dry.

I want you to think of a black hole. This is anti-gravity. Things disappear into this black hole never to be seen again.

The vacuum source of a black hole is so intense that it will gobble up complete celestial bodies into itself.

The black hole is empty, it’s nothing, yet it has an insatiable appetite that can never be appeased.

No matter how much it consumes, it stays black, it stays as “nothing”.

Narcissists are the same. Because their ego cannot be appeased, any external hit of significance only offers temporary self-solidness and peace, which doesn’t hold.

The narcissist is always chasing attention, stuff and other people’s resources and energy to try to fill their inner black hole that can never be satisfied. Sooner, rather than later, the narcissist is back to craving more to try to offset the horrific feeling of living with an internal black hole that is an emotionally annihilating self-prophecy.

Now let’s take this understanding even further.

 

The Narcissist Is A False Self

The narcissist does not have an active True Self core. The narcissist as an incredibly damaged and insecure individual has decided that his or her True Self is inadequate, and has assigned a fictitious character (a False Self) to be at the helm.

The False Self is a fragile construct. The ego is not solid, confident, or organically experiencing feelings of peace and wholeness. The False Self is not connected to one’s Superconscious/Creation/Source/God (a Higher Power).

Therefore, the False Self is out on the edge of survival all on its own. The narcissist has never faced the inner traumas that have caused such a grave disconnection from his or her True Self and All of Life.

As an empty entity continually in the trauma of separation from Creation Itself, the narcissist is alone, hungry and desolate. He or she needs copious amounts of stuff, acclaim and significance in order to try to feel remotely okay.

It’s a full-time fruitless job to feed a bottomless False Self.

In stark contrast, those of us who did turn inwards to self-partner with our True Self (no matter how damaged) and did the diligent inner work to heal our Inner Beings from trauma and false programming up to wholeness, have discovered the relief of being connected to ourselves and Life healthily.

Narcissists, sadly, don’t ever get to experience this Oneness.

When you move into the light of your healing, you come out of the danger space of narcissists. Think when a bright light is shone on a vampire, they recoil back into the shadows.

Without your pain and fear, a narcissist cannot exist under your bright light.

If you get this, I want you to pause this video and declare below, “I am claiming my light, that dissolves away your darkness NOW”.

 

Our Lesson In All of This

I wrote an article a while ago about how codependents and narcissists are two sides of the same coin.

The link to this article is here.

We may believe that opposites attract. On the surface this looks very true, that narcissists who are takers like to get with people who are givers.

For sure this is real. However, there is a deeper truth to this regarding the bonding together of co-dependent people and narcissists.

If we are suffering disconnection from our Inner Beings and carrying trauma and trying to get our outer lives to take the inner trauma away, rather than being self-partnered and doing our inner work, then we are susceptible to narcissists.

Which means WE need to heal.

This is where I come in. I can help you get free from inner emptiness and pain, just as I did, and no longer be susceptible to narcissists latching on to you and sucking you dry.

To start this path with me all you need to do is click this link. 

So, I hope that this episode has really helped, and please remember to subscribe so that you will be notified as soon as each new Thriver TV episode is released. I publish two each week. And if you liked this, click on the like and share buttons!

And as always, I look forward to responding to your questions and your comments below.

 

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