You have probably asked yourself why some people are impervious to narcissists and why you fell in their trap.
What traits do you have that attracted this toxic individual into your life?
What traits do others have that totally repel them?
I’m sure you want answers to these questions – we all do.
In my latest Thriver TV video I’m going to share with you the 10 traits that narcissists can’t stand. This is all about Thriver healing and each of the 10 traits is not just incredible in regard to repelling narcissists, they also empower you in every area of your life.
It’s like having a can of repellent aerosol ready to spray at any narcissist that gets in your way!
I just want to start off by saying there are only a few days to go before Thrive gets going on the 1st of May, and this is a global community and my most hands-on program ever to help you break through those glass ceilings, the reasons why you’re not recovering or you’re stuck in the trauma, or you just can’t get the motivation to heal.
This is a healing bootcamp that is going to revolutionize and rock your healing. Check it out. The link is with this video. We’ve only got a few spaces left. This is really one of the last chances to get involved. Check out the link with this video, go to the show notes. Show notes or melanietoniaevans.com/thrive.
Today’s video is very, very important. What I’m going to share with you today are the 10 traits that narcissists can’t stand. This is all about Thriver healing, where you need to stand in a place that they can’t stand so that you become a narcissist repellent.
These are exactly the 10 things that make you impervious to narcissists. These 10 powerful traits are not even just incredible in regard to repelling narcissists, they also empower you in every area of your life.
Initially, as we go through these, some of them may surprise you because these are the things in contemporary abuse circles – that people are going to tell you – make you a target for a narcissist. However, the very opposite is true. Once we go through all of this, you are going to understand exactly why.
Number One – Life Fulfillment
The number one trait is life fulfillment. You may believe that a narcissist is going to go after people who have an incredibly fulfilled life, because they’re going to want to try and cash in on that person’s life. But I want you to understand this, narcissists are predators. They pick out the injured gazelle at the edge of a pack just like a lion does.
What does this mean? It means that they’re going to go for somebody who actually feels lonely and unfulfilled in their life. Yes, this person may have stuff and they may be very giving and they’ve got a lot to give and they’ve even achieved a lot in life. But what is usual is this person is somebody who is feeling a little or a lot vulnerable, empty, lonely, and even dare I say, needy.
The narcissist can come forth professing to be all sorts of things that this person has missing in their life so that this person who’s feeling empty is going to create a very fast bond with this person, thinking, “You’ve got the energy I’ve been looking for, or you’ve got the life that I want, or you really see me and you meet me and you’re giving me the love that I’m feeling really hungry for.”
However, if you have a very full and healthy life and you feel fulfilled, then you’re not needy. You’re not going to just rush quickly in a relationship and let somebody into your bed, body, Soul, finances, and life immediately, because you feel fulfilled and full. You can take your time.
As Don Miguel Ruiz stated in this classic beautiful story – I’ve shared it before – I’m going to do it very, very quickly … There’s two women and they’re in their homes. This man, he goes up to the first door and he has this big pizza. This woman is not cooking for herself and she doesn’t have a well-stocked kitchen and she’s hungry.
He comes up with this pizza and she can smell it even before she opens the door to his knock and she’s starving. He says, “I’ll bring you pizza every day, but you have to accept whatever comes with this pizza.” Because she’s so starving, she accepts the offer.
Yet the woman who was in her home, and she’s got a beautiful well-stocked kitchen with delicious, nutritious whole foods and she cooks for herself every day.
This man comes with this greasy pizza that she can smell. He says, “You can have pizza every day and you have to accept whatever comes with it.” She says, “Why would I want that when I have my own source of beautiful, nutritious food?”
Love and our own lives are exactly the same. I want you to think deeply about that story because it tells you everything you need to know about fulfillment in your life.
Number Two – Authenticity
Number two is authenticity. If you’re happy with who you are and you’re happy to present yourself as yourself, then you’re really not going to be a match for a false self.
Authenticity is a bright light that repels dark Souls. It’s like a bright light to a vampire. Narcissists don’t love themselves. They’re empty Souls looking to parasite other people’s energy in order to affirm their own existence. They’re not a source of their own energy.
If you are happy to be you, regardless of what anybody else is or isn’t doing, and if you know what’s important is not what other people think of you, it’s what you think of you, then a narcissist is going to be repelled by you. You’re too much of a bright, shiny light.
You’re going to understand more about what true authenticity means as we go through the additional traits in this video.
Number Three – Critical Thinking
Number three is critical thinking. Narcissists hate people who are critical thinkers, let me explain why. A narcissist can easy manipulate and dupe people who don’t question things.
Know this, narcissists are pathological liars. They gaslight. They switch versions on reality back on other people. They exaggerate. They leave facts out. They give you twisted realities. They have to have really good memories to remember the trail of lies that spew out of their mouths.
It becomes very obvious, with any narcissist that you spend any amount of time with that they are lying because certain stories don’t match up. The real life reality that you see outside of their version doesn’t match the versions that they’re purporting. They even contradict themselves regularly because they can’t remember all of their lies.
You truly have to be asleep at the wheel to not notice the irregularities. And to not suspect that this person is not telling the truth. If you don’t blindly accept the information and you’ve got the ability to critically think, and then (we’re going to talk about this down the track in this video, I’ll explain it more) show up questioning things – if you do think and question, that’s a big problem for a narcissist because they can’t dupe you.
I’ve come to think of all of this as what I call, somebody else might call it this too, but I think it’s emotional integrity. I think it’s even more than emotional intelligence.
I think in our world today, to not be taken in by a narcissist, and quite frankly, any psychopath, as a safe, empowered being, having the ability to trust your intuition if it feels off, ask questions, research and investigate – is vital. That’s the first part of it.
The second part of it is then to be open to new information other than the narratives that you’re receiving, because it’s only then that you can make an intelligent, balanced, informed decision by yourself. Know this, the people that are usually smearing the most are usually the source of the lies. I’ll tell you that.
Narcissists hate critical thinkers and they are completely repelled by them. It will make you impervious to them if you’ve got emotional integrity, because they will cease to have power over you.
Number Four – Due Diligence
Number four trait that a narcissist really can’t stand is your due diligence. Narcissists don’t like people who take time to make a decision about entering into a deal, whether it be business or a relationship.
Narcissists are empty beings constantly needing to secure narcissistic supply. Because if you’re targeted by one of them, they need to ensnare you quickly so that the feed of narcissistic supply balances the output of energy required to get the narcissistic supply.
Think of the lion going after the gazelle and needs a feed. They need to get their prey quickly so that the energy expended is not greater than the food supply gained and how long it takes to get it. Narcissists don’t have energy of their own. That’s why the payoff needs to come quickly.
If you date respectfully and you retain your own life and you have other dates whilst ascertaining potential suitors (yes, plural) their character and behavior to make your final choice, over time, a narcissist will not hang around for that because the payoff is not instant enough.
If you’re in a business and a narcissist wants to join forces with you and you do background checks and the necessary due diligence to investigate the suitability of this person, again, the narcissist will flee because he or she will know that you’re not an easy target.
Being a mature adult doing the necessary due diligence is going to save you the heartache and devastation of a narcissist every time. They are sprinters, they’re not stayers. They are also terrified about what you’re just going to discover about them. If you scratch under the surface and do your investigation and your due diligence, you will discover what’s under the surface.
Number Five – Self-Partnering
The number five trait that narcissists don’t like and they can’t stand it – is you being self-partnered. If you’re in your body knowing your values and truth, then you are much less likely to be thrown, disarmed or manipulated by narcissistic behavior.
When you’re self-embodied, you trust and listen to your own feelings. You are aligned with yourself. If something feels off, then you ask questions and you clarify things. Narcissists test boundaries with people all the time to see what they can and can’t get away with. They want to know where your line is and they know how to work out what makes somebody tick.
If somebody is anchored in their body, honoring themselves, narcissists know they’re not an easy target. It takes too much effort and they’re going to move on.
Your self-embodiment, your self-partnering means backing yourself, which takes us to the next point which is about boundaries.
Number Six – Boundaries
Number six is boundaries. Boundaries and the ability to speak up and say – no, I’m not comfortable with that – is a boundary.
Boundaries are knowing where you stop when somebody else stops. It’s a knowing of how to let the good in and keep the bad out. Boundaries mean that you’re willing to ask questions and have difficult conversations and take time to assess people in situations before jumping in blindly.
Boundaries are the ability to assert your values and your truth regardless of what anybody else is or isn’t doing. You’ve developed and healed beyond the point of worrying about somebody criticizing, rejecting, abandoning, and punishing you, which I call the fears of CRAP, C-R-A-P, for you speaking up.
If people do start twisting and turning and criticizing, rejecting, abandoning, and punishing you for you being your values and truth, then this person is absolutely not a match for you. You’ve got your answer.
Narcissists are repelled by people who have boundaries. Let’s get very clear about this, boundaries don’t mean that somebody else has to agree with you and join in on your boundary. It’s not like a narcissist is going to say to you, “Yeah, I get that and I’m going to respect your boundary.”
No, rather they’re going to disrespect your boundary and they’re going to try and talk you out of it, shame and blame and guilt you out of it, twist it and turn it, put it back on you. You’ve got your answer.
Move on. This is not somebody that you can have any form of relationship with if they can’t respect you. People can only violate your boundaries if you stay connected with them.
Number Seven – Calmness
Number seven, this is a powerful trait but not always easy to do – calmness.
Narcissists will get you to hand your power away when you are not able to be in your body and your truth. When you’re triggered and you’re in adrenaline and cortisol, then your frontal lobe is shut down. You don’t have access to wisdom and solution, and rather you’re in survival programs, which means that you’re in the very primitive part of your brain which is the amygdala – where you’re in fight, flee or freeze.
Narcissists are experts at taking you over and taking you down while you’re in these states. If you’ve done the inner work to meet the traumas that are generating your triggers and you’ve released them and up-leveled them, reprogrammed them – and I can’t recommend Quanta Freedom Healing enough in order to do this. We’re going to be covering all of these in huge detail in Thrive, as well as doing the healings on this for you – well, that means that you are not going to have those triggers to hit within you, which are your previous unhealed, unconscious inner wounds that were being activated by the narcissistic behavior.
Rather, where that trigger once was is a calm knowing of your values and your truth regardless of the shenanigans. You can show up in your power, in calm power with boundaries, in your values, in your truths.
This makes the narcissist run for the hills. When he or she knows that they can no longer get you on your wounds and trigger you and fire you off and get you to hand over power, it really is game over for them.
Number Eight – Transparency
The number eight trait that narcissists can’t stand is transparency. Narcissists love to operate in the shadows like vampires in the dark and behind the scenes, that’s where they do their best work. This is where they can target somebody’s wounds, draw them in, extract supply, and diminish someone in order to gain control over them.
However, when you’ve healed beyond your own shame and pain and your fears of authority, and maybe when you emerge from all of that and you become a truth seeker living in the light, you have the ability to bring out the narcissistic behavior calmly and clearly in front of an audience.
This is very effective in a group setting with other people, whether it be a work setting, a family, a court case or a group of people that you’re involved in with the narcissist.
As long as you are calm, untriggered, and factual. This is not about saying this person is a narcissist. Don’t label them. Just expose the behavior. Narcissists like vampires, when exposed in the full brunt of light scream and then shrivel up.
When you do this, I promise you, this is usually when a narcissist will unravel and be completely exposed. Then they’ve got to run. They’ve got to get out of the group. They’ve got to get out of the business. They’ve got to get out of your life. They just can’t stand it.
Number Nine – Demanding Disclosure
Number nine trait that a narcissist can’t stand is you demanding disclosure. The ultimate boundary with a narcissist is the demanding of the facts. No proof, no truth, no deal. Please know this, if somebody has nothing to hide and values a true relationship with you, of course, they’re going to present the facts.
Whether it be regarding cheating, other infidelities, or financial irregularities, or criminal behavior, whatever it is, which all of which narcissists are famous for – you demanding that the narcissist supplies proof of their versions of things will bring about twists, turns, lies, evidence that can’t be substantiated, or downright refusal to provide the evidence.
Absolutely, if you have a good reason to suspect, ask for proof. Demand it. Value yourself enough to do it. Follow up with checking up on the sources that are offered, and don’t be embarrassed to do so. You’re after the truth. If you get twists and turns and you’re not humbly met with honesty, then you have your answer.
You don’t need the proof of the crime to end a relationship with people. Avoidance behavior is all the proof you need. Because please know, good people simply do not behave like this.
Number Ten – Self-Love
The number 10 trait that a narcissist can’t stand, and this is the biggest and the best of all of them is self-love.
The ultimate deterrent to a narcissist is you being self-partnered, in your body, taking responsibility for your own emotional resonance. This means that you are deeply involved in your own personal partnering and self-development.
You love yourself enough to commit to yourself to create an incredible life for yourself from the inside out. You are the master of your own inner emotional domain. This means, and rightly so, that you are loving and self-partnered to yourself more than any other person in the world. Because you know all of your relationships, which is relationship with self, life and others comes from self and your relationship with your highest source, which is true source. This means that you are no longer looking for somebody else to grant you what you’re not willing to give yourself.
Your kitchen is full. You make yourself nutritious meals. You don’t need somebody else who is offering you crap to provide you with toxic sustenance and try to make crumbs out of cookies. All of that is gone.
You love yourself enough to only accept a level of love in your life that compliments the love that you now have for yourself. Anything else detracts from your life and you don’t need it or want it. That is your ultimate inoculation and repellent against a narcissist.
I really hope that this has been insightful for you today. Please know this, because it’s a lie and it’s not the truth – you are not meant to dim your light in order to be safe from a narcissist. Other abuse forums and stuff will say, if you’re a bright light and you’re amazing, narcissists will target you. That is rubbish. Throw that belief out.
In stark contrast, you are here to turn your light up even brighter than you ever have before. You need to step into the full skin and soul of who you are meant to be, as a true self with true source, a narcissist cannot touch you. Feel it in every cell of your body because it’s the truth.
This is exactly what Thriving is about. When you take on that orientation and that development to fully free yourself to be yourself, never again are you going to need to worry about who was the narcissist and where the next one might be lurking or what they’re doing, because you were just free to fully be your own authentic self.
If this is the life of freedom that you truly want, then I cannot recommend enough for you to check out this intensive healing boot camp that’s coming up in a couple of days. This is pretty much the last chance to get involved.
I can’t wait because we are going to help you get there, with all the ways that I got there and tens of thousands of people from all over the world have got there. I’m going to be working personally with you live for 10 weeks with your own coaches, which is me and the incredible Thriver team, plus, your global Thriver tribe, the most incredible people you’ll ever meet.
I’d love you to check out and come on this incredible journey with me. Check out Thrive at melanietoniaevans.com/thrive or click the link that appears or go to the show notes.
I want you to let me know in the comments below whether or not this Thriver TV episode resonated with you. Are you on the journey of becoming narcissist proof? Is this what you want to achieve? I’m really looking forward to the conversation that we have about this.