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10 Traits That Narcissists Can’t Stand

10 Traits That Narcissists Can’t Stand

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You have probably asked yourself why some people are impervious to narcissists and why you fell in their trap.

What traits do you have that attracted this toxic individual into your life?

What traits do others have that totally repel them?

I’m sure you want answers to these questions – we all do.

In my latest Thriver TV video I’m going to share with you the 10 traits that narcissists can’t stand. This is all about Thriver healing and each of the 10 traits is not just incredible in regard to repelling narcissists, they also empower you in every area of your life.

It’s like having a can of repellent aerosol ready to spray at any narcissist that gets in your way!

 

 

Video Transcript

I just want to start off by saying there are only a few days to go before Thrive gets going on the 1st of May, and this is a global community and my most hands-on program ever to help you break through those glass ceilings, the reasons why you’re not recovering or you’re stuck in the trauma, or you just can’t get the motivation to heal.

This is a healing bootcamp that is going to revolutionize and rock your healing. Check it out. The link is with this video. We’ve only got a few spaces left. This is really one of the last chances to get involved. Check out the link with this video, go to the show notes. Show notes or melanietoniaevans.com/thrive.

Today’s video is very, very important. What I’m going to share with you today are the 10 traits that narcissists can’t stand. This is all about Thriver healing, where you need to stand in a place that they can’t stand so that you become a narcissist repellent.

These are exactly the 10 things that make you impervious to narcissists. These 10 powerful traits are not even just incredible in regard to repelling narcissists, they also empower you in every area of your life.

Initially, as we go through these, some of them may surprise you because these are the things in contemporary abuse circles – that people are going to tell you – make you a target for a narcissist. However, the very opposite is true. Once we go through all of this, you are going to understand exactly why.

 

Number One – Life Fulfillment

The number one trait is life fulfillment. You may believe that a narcissist is going to go after people who have an incredibly fulfilled life, because they’re going to want to try and cash in on that person’s life. But I want you to understand this, narcissists are predators. They pick out the injured gazelle at the edge of a pack just like a lion does.

What does this mean? It means that they’re going to go for somebody who actually feels lonely and unfulfilled in their life. Yes, this person may have stuff and they may be very giving and they’ve got a lot to give and they’ve even achieved a lot in life. But what is usual is this person is somebody who is feeling a little or a lot vulnerable, empty, lonely, and even dare I say, needy.

The narcissist can come forth professing to be all sorts of things that this person has missing in their life so that this person who’s feeling empty is going to create a very fast bond with this person, thinking, “You’ve got the energy I’ve been looking for, or you’ve got the life that I want, or you really see me and you meet me and you’re giving me the love that I’m feeling really hungry for.”

However, if you have a very full and healthy life and you feel fulfilled, then you’re not needy. You’re not going to just rush quickly in a relationship and let somebody into your bed, body, Soul, finances, and life immediately, because you feel fulfilled and full. You can take your time.

As Don Miguel Ruiz stated in this classic beautiful story – I’ve shared it before – I’m going to do it very, very quickly … There’s two women and they’re in their homes. This man, he goes up to the first door and he has this big pizza. This woman is not cooking for herself and she doesn’t have a well-stocked kitchen and she’s hungry.

He comes up with this pizza and she can smell it even before she opens the door to his knock and she’s starving. He says, “I’ll bring you pizza every day, but you have to accept whatever comes with this pizza.” Because she’s so starving, she accepts the offer.

Yet the woman who was in her home, and she’s got a beautiful well-stocked kitchen with delicious, nutritious whole foods and she cooks for herself every day.

This man comes with this greasy pizza that she can smell. He says, “You can have pizza every day and you have to accept whatever comes with it.” She says, “Why would I want that when I have my own source of beautiful, nutritious food?”

Love and our own lives are exactly the same. I want you to think deeply about that story because it tells you everything you need to know about fulfillment in your life.

 

Number Two ­– Authenticity

Number two is authenticity. If you’re happy with who you are and you’re happy to present yourself as yourself, then you’re really not going to be a match for a false self.

Authenticity is a bright light that repels dark Souls. It’s like a bright light to a vampire. Narcissists don’t love themselves. They’re empty Souls looking to parasite other people’s energy in order to affirm their own existence. They’re not a source of their own energy.

If you are happy to be you, regardless of what anybody else is or isn’t doing, and if you know what’s important is not what other people think of you, it’s what you think of you, then a narcissist is going to be repelled by you. You’re too much of a bright, shiny light.

You’re going to understand more about what true authenticity means as we go through the additional traits in this video.

 

Number Three – Critical Thinking

Number three is critical thinking. Narcissists hate people who are critical thinkers, let me explain why. A narcissist can easy manipulate and dupe people who don’t question things.

Know this, narcissists are pathological liars. They gaslight. They switch versions on reality back on other people. They exaggerate. They leave facts out. They give you twisted realities. They have to have really good memories to remember the trail of lies that spew out of their mouths.

It becomes very obvious, with any narcissist that you spend any amount of time with that they are lying because certain stories don’t match up. The real life reality that you see outside of their version doesn’t match the versions that they’re purporting. They even contradict themselves regularly because they can’t remember all of their lies.

You truly have to be asleep at the wheel to not notice the irregularities. And to not suspect that this person is not telling the truth. If you don’t blindly accept the information and you’ve got the ability to critically think, and then (we’re going to talk about this down the track in this video, I’ll explain it more) show up questioning things – if you do think and question, that’s a big problem for a narcissist because they can’t dupe you.

I’ve come to think of all of this as what I call, somebody else might call it this too, but I think it’s emotional integrity. I think it’s even more than emotional intelligence.

I think in our world today, to not be taken in by a narcissist, and quite frankly, any psychopath, as a safe, empowered being, having the ability to trust your intuition if it feels off, ask questions, research and investigate – is vital. That’s the first part of it.

The second part of it is then to be open to new information other than the narratives that you’re receiving, because it’s only then that you can make an intelligent, balanced, informed decision by yourself. Know this, the people that are usually smearing the most are usually the source of the lies. I’ll tell you that.

Narcissists hate critical thinkers and they are completely repelled by them. It will make you impervious to them if you’ve got emotional integrity, because they will cease to have power over you.

 

Number Four – Due Diligence

Number four trait that a narcissist really can’t stand is your due diligence. Narcissists don’t like people who take time to make a decision about entering into a deal, whether it be business or a relationship.

Narcissists are empty beings constantly needing to secure narcissistic supply. Because if you’re targeted by one of them, they need to ensnare you quickly so that the feed of narcissistic supply balances the output of energy required to get the narcissistic supply.

Think of the lion going after the gazelle and needs a feed. They need to get their prey quickly so that the energy expended is not greater than the food supply gained and how long it takes to get it. Narcissists don’t have energy of their own. That’s why the payoff needs to come quickly.

If you date respectfully and you retain your own life and you have other dates whilst ascertaining potential suitors (yes, plural) their character and behavior to make your final choice, over time, a narcissist will not hang around for that because the payoff is not instant enough.

If you’re in a business and a narcissist wants to join forces with you and you do background checks and the necessary due diligence to investigate the suitability of this person, again, the narcissist will flee because he or she will know that you’re not an easy target.

Being a mature adult doing the necessary due diligence is going to save you the heartache and devastation of a narcissist every time. They are sprinters, they’re not stayers. They are also terrified about what you’re just going to discover about them. If you scratch under the surface and do your investigation and your due diligence, you will discover what’s under the surface.

 

Number Five – Self-Partnering

The number five trait that narcissists don’t like and they can’t stand it – is you being self-partnered. If you’re in your body knowing your values and truth, then you are much less likely to be thrown, disarmed or manipulated by narcissistic behavior.

When you’re self-embodied, you trust and listen to your own feelings. You are aligned with yourself. If something feels off, then you ask questions and you clarify things. Narcissists test boundaries with people all the time to see what they can and can’t get away with. They want to know where your line is and they know how to work out what makes somebody tick.

If somebody is anchored in their body, honoring themselves, narcissists know they’re not an easy target. It takes too much effort and they’re going to move on.

Your self-embodiment, your self-partnering means backing yourself, which takes us to the next point which is about boundaries.

 

Number Six – Boundaries

Number six is boundaries. Boundaries and the ability to speak up and say – no, I’m not comfortable with that – is a boundary.

Boundaries are knowing where you stop when somebody else stops. It’s a knowing of how to let the good in and keep the bad out. Boundaries mean that you’re willing to ask questions and have difficult conversations and take time to assess people in situations before jumping in blindly.

Boundaries are the ability to assert your values and your truth regardless of what anybody else is or isn’t doing. You’ve developed and healed beyond the point of worrying about somebody criticizing, rejecting, abandoning, and punishing you, which I call the fears of CRAP, C-R-A-P, for you speaking up.

If people do start twisting and turning and criticizing, rejecting, abandoning, and punishing you for you being your values and truth, then this person is absolutely not a match for you. You’ve got your answer.

Narcissists are repelled by people who have boundaries. Let’s get very clear about this, boundaries don’t mean that somebody else has to agree with you and join in on your boundary. It’s not like a narcissist is going to say to you, “Yeah, I get that and I’m going to respect your boundary.”

No, rather they’re going to disrespect your boundary and they’re going to try and talk you out of it, shame and blame and guilt you out of it, twist it and turn it, put it back on you. You’ve got your answer.

Move on. This is not somebody that you can have any form of relationship with if they can’t respect you. People can only violate your boundaries if you stay connected with them.

 

Number Seven ­– Calmness

Number seven, this is a powerful trait but not always easy to do – calmness.

Narcissists will get you to hand your power away when you are not able to be in your body and your truth. When you’re triggered and you’re in adrenaline and cortisol, then your frontal lobe is shut down. You don’t have access to wisdom and solution, and rather you’re in survival programs, which means that you’re in the very primitive part of your brain which is the amygdala – where you’re in fight, flee or freeze.

Narcissists are experts at taking you over and taking you down while you’re in these states. If you’ve done the inner work to meet the traumas that are generating your triggers and you’ve released them and up-leveled them, reprogrammed them – and I can’t recommend Quanta Freedom Healing enough in order to do this. We’re going to be covering all of these in huge detail in Thrive, as well as doing the healings on this for you – well, that means that you are not going to have those triggers to hit within you, which are your previous unhealed, unconscious inner wounds that were being activated by the narcissistic behavior.

Rather, where that trigger once was is a calm knowing of your values and your truth regardless of the shenanigans. You can show up in your power, in calm power with boundaries, in your values, in your truths.

This makes the narcissist run for the hills. When he or she knows that they can no longer get you on your wounds and trigger you and fire you off and get you to hand over power, it really is game over for them.

 

Number Eight – Transparency

The number eight trait that narcissists can’t stand is transparency. Narcissists love to operate in the shadows like vampires in the dark and behind the scenes, that’s where they do their best work. This is where they can target somebody’s wounds, draw them in, extract supply, and diminish someone in order to gain control over them.

However, when you’ve healed beyond your own shame and pain and your fears of authority, and maybe when you emerge from all of that and you become a truth seeker living in the light, you have the ability to bring out the narcissistic behavior calmly and clearly in front of an audience.

This is very effective in a group setting with other people, whether it be a work setting, a family, a court case or a group of people that you’re involved in with the narcissist.

As long as you are calm, untriggered, and factual. This is not about saying this person is a narcissist. Don’t label them. Just expose the behavior. Narcissists like vampires, when exposed in the full brunt of light scream and then shrivel up.

When you do this, I promise you, this is usually when a narcissist will unravel and be completely exposed. Then they’ve got to run. They’ve got to get out of the group. They’ve got to get out of the business. They’ve got to get out of your life. They just can’t stand it.

 

Number Nine – Demanding Disclosure

Number nine trait that a narcissist can’t stand is you demanding disclosure. The ultimate boundary with a narcissist is the demanding of the facts. No proof, no truth, no deal. Please know this, if somebody has nothing to hide and values a true relationship with you, of course, they’re going to present the facts.

Whether it be regarding cheating, other infidelities, or financial irregularities, or criminal behavior, whatever it is, which all of which narcissists are famous for – you demanding that the narcissist supplies proof of their versions of things will bring about twists, turns, lies, evidence that can’t be substantiated, or downright refusal to provide the evidence.

Absolutely, if you have a good reason to suspect, ask for proof. Demand it. Value yourself enough to do it. Follow up with checking up on the sources that are offered, and don’t be embarrassed to do so. You’re after the truth. If you get twists and turns and you’re not humbly met with honesty, then you have your answer.

You don’t need the proof of the crime to end a relationship with people. Avoidance behavior is all the proof you need. Because please know, good people simply do not behave like this.

 

Number Ten – Self-Love

The number 10 trait that a narcissist can’t stand, and this is the biggest and the best of all of them is self-love.

The ultimate deterrent to a narcissist is you being self-partnered, in your body, taking responsibility for your own emotional resonance. This means that you are deeply involved in your own personal partnering and self-development.

You love yourself enough to commit to yourself to create an incredible life for yourself from the inside out. You are the master of your own inner emotional domain. This means, and rightly so, that you are loving and self-partnered to yourself more than any other person in the world. Because you know all of your relationships, which is relationship with self, life and others comes from self and your relationship with your highest source, which is true source. This means that you are no longer looking for somebody else to grant you what you’re not willing to give yourself.

Your kitchen is full. You make yourself nutritious meals. You don’t need somebody else who is offering you crap to provide you with toxic sustenance and try to make crumbs out of cookies. All of that is gone.

You love yourself enough to only accept a level of love in your life that compliments the love that you now have for yourself. Anything else detracts from your life and you don’t need it or want it. That is your ultimate inoculation and repellent against a narcissist.

 

In Conclusion

I really hope that this has been insightful for you today. Please know this, because it’s a lie and it’s not the truth – you are not meant to dim your light in order to be safe from a narcissist. Other abuse forums and stuff will say, if you’re a bright light and you’re amazing, narcissists will target you. That is rubbish. Throw that belief out.

In stark contrast, you are here to turn your light up even brighter than you ever have before. You need to step into the full skin and soul of who you are meant to be, as a true self with true source, a narcissist cannot touch you. Feel it in every cell of your body because it’s the truth.

This is exactly what Thriving is about. When you take on that orientation and that development to fully free yourself to be yourself, never again are you going to need to worry about who was the narcissist and where the next one might be lurking or what they’re doing, because you were just free to fully be your own authentic self.

If this is the life of freedom that you truly want, then I cannot recommend enough for you to check out this intensive healing boot camp that’s coming up in a couple of days. This is pretty much the last chance to get involved.

I can’t wait because we are going to help you get there, with all the ways that I got there and tens of thousands of people from all over the world have got there. I’m going to be working personally with you live for 10 weeks with your own coaches, which is me and the incredible Thriver team, plus, your global Thriver tribe, the most incredible people you’ll ever meet.

I’d love you to check out and come on this incredible journey with me. Check out Thrive at melanietoniaevans.com/thrive or click the link that appears or go to the show notes.

I want you to let me know in the comments below whether or not this Thriver TV episode resonated with you. Are you on the journey of becoming narcissist proof? Is this what you want to achieve? I’m really looking forward to the conversation that we have about this.

 

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Top 6 Traits Narcissists Look For In Their Victims

Top 6 Traits Narcissists Look For In Their Victims

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Narcissists know how to target people.

They know what to look out for.

Many people think that narcissists can con anybody and start to destroy their lives. This isn’t true. There are many people who the narcissist will quickly ascertain are not on their snack list.

In today’s TTV episode I share with you the top six traits that narcissists look for in their victims.

 

 

Video Transcript

Narcissists hunt.

They know what they are searching for in regard to their victims. They are looking for lovely people with certain characteristics, which really means people who are not necessarily nice to themselves.

Narcissists need narcissistic supply very quickly. They can’t provide their own internal energy source and need to strike rapidly. This is why narcissists are incredibly skilled at knowing who to strike and how.

By you knowing the six traits that narcissists look out for in the people that they hone in on, it means you can shore up these susceptibilities within yourself so that you will no longer be on a narcissist’s menu.

Okay, so just before we investigate these six top traits, I’d like to thank all of you for supporting the Thriver Mission by subscribing to my channel. If you haven’t yet done so please do. Also, if you like this video please make sure that you give it a thumbs up and share it with your communities.

Okay so let’s get started on this very important information.

Trait Number One: Unhealed Traumas

The number one universal tactic for a narcissist to enmesh with another, such as a love or business partner, friend, neighbour or even in regard to a family of origin narcissist trying to retain another family member for supply – is this:

Find the ‘need’ and propose to be the grand supplier of it.

Narcissists question potential intimate partner targets to find out what is still hurting them or missing in regard to their previous love life.

If you say that you were treated like you didn’t matter, the narcissist will supply the information to make you believe that to him or her you will completely matter. If your previous traumas have been about adultery, the narcissist will profess to be 100% monogamous.

The list goes on and on.

In a business context, the narcissist will purportedly have the smarts, experience, confidence and contacts that you don’t have.

When a family member is ready to pull away and walk away, the narcissist may pretend to be the caring, considerate person that the other family member has craved all their life.

If you feel empty, disappointed, powerless or ineffectual in some area of your life, you are susceptible to being duped and abused by a narcissist pretending to be the saviour of this trauma.

Of course, we all have things that we desire, yet if we are not taking personal responsibility to heal those feelings within ourselves, we will be needy. We will grab an outside solution rather than doing the inner work to become an emotional healing solution to ourselves.

This means we can make risky choices, rather than take our time to ascertain the character of people and ensure that our boundaries, values, body, heart, mind and property have been granted the healthy due diligence to keep them safe.

When we are whole, we don’t rush things. When we are empty and needy we become reckless to try to get relief from our inner emptiness and anxieties about the future.

This is where narcissists come in.

Trait Number Two: Not Honouring Your Inner Being

Narcissists know how to test people’s boundaries. When a narcissist targets you as a potential source, they are trying to find out whether or not you honour yourself, your values and your truth.

Because if you are in your power, as soon as the narcissist starts violating your boundaries and mining you with their own self-serving agendas, you will put an end to the relationship.

A person aligned with living their values and truths will not be a match for such behaviours.

Narcissists can easily test your boundaries, especially if he or she has been able to hook up quickly with you, and infiltrate your time, emotions and life. At this point, you may already be feeling an emotional dependency on this person as the provider of the love, approval, security or survival that you haven’t yet resolved within yourself.

This now means that you don’t want to lose this person.

You may even believe that this is THE person who will be your salvation and bring you wholeness.

Now the narcissist is going to start saying or doing things to test your boundaries to see how far he or she can go. The actions start not matching the words. He or she will start acting entitled, selfish and inconsiderate.

He or she may make a disparaging, nasty comment about you or someone or something that is important to you.

Where there was previously support, the exact opposite starts becoming evident.

You may even start experiencing obscene violations of your values and rights that start tearing your soul apart. At some point in your relationship with the narcissist, these horrific experiences are inevitable.

If you start acquiescing to try to keep the peace, or even fight back because this has hurt you, rather than create ultimate boundaries, pull away and know what you will or won’t have in your life – the narcissist will now know that he or she can violate you, mine you and get what he or she wants.

Identically, upon meeting a narcissist, he or she has ways of testing your boundaries and seeing if you are going to do your due diligence and take your time to assess his or her personal character or not.

If you start automatically trusting and gravitating towards a narcissist, despite the warning signs that your Inner Being is absolutely supplying you with (this happened to all of us), then the narcissist has a green light to proceed.

From this point things can only get worse.

Trait Number Three: Not Having Your Own Whole Life

One part of being that injured gazelle at the edge of the pack, able to be picked off by a predator, is not having a whole, happy and productive life.

You see, this is how it goes – narcissists need to create dependencies.

If you feel lonely, empty and have simply been going through the motions waiting for something to change outside of yourself, or for somebody to turn up in order to start granting you a happy productive life, you are at risk. That someone who you want to be the saviour of this emptiness is someone who you will struggle greatly to let go of – no matter how badly he or she treats you.

If, when you start connecting with somebody at a healthy pace, you don’t retain your own life, happiness, and purpose then this person becomes your ‘everything’.

This is dire; it is unhealthy co-dependent attachment. It means that this person’s choices, values and life will become your own, no matter how abusive and disordered they may be.

It also means that this person can monopolise your emotions, time and life very quickly.

In stark contrast, retaining yourself, your life and your values is one of the greatest safeguards in regard to not being taken in and down by a narcissist. He or she will not tolerate it and will need to leave your experience.

Trait Number Four: Not Being Willing to Lose It All to Get It All

If you are not prepared to love yourself first and foremost, then you are susceptible to being abused by somebody who you are trying to get your own sense of worth and love from.

A healthy life in regard to interpersonal relationships must start with self-love. Meaning, if someone starts treating you in unhealthy and abusive ways that you love yourself enough to pull away and align with the self-love, ‘I love myself enough to know longer endure abuse’.

Generally, narcissists do something inappropriate, uncaring or even abusive early in the relationship. Or you may discover information or questionable activities about this person that just don’t add up, or point-blank expose him or her to be not a nice person.

If you make excuses to stay attached, and if you are not prepared to pull away and create safety around the sanctity of your soul and life-force by declaring the truth of your values and what you will and won’t accept in your life, the narcissist knows that he or she can be a monster and you won’t leave.

The narcissist knows you will stay attached trying to change them in order to try to have a happy life. This provides the narcissist with copious amounts of narcissistic supply – the drama and attention he or she gets from knowing how severely you are affected by them. He or she also now has you as a target to beat up and to offload their inner demons onto.

If you are a person who is willing to lose it all to get it all, meaning lose another person rather than lose yourself, you will never be susceptible to a narcissist. You will leave as soon as things start to feel and become ‘off’. You will set the limits as to what you will and won’t accept, and you will very quickly see that the narcissist does not have the resources to genuinely meet you healthily.

If you are presently healing to get into this newfound True Self Power, you will finally get out of the clutches of narcissistic abuse and start to carve out the life that is reflective of your True Self.

Naturally, to be solid enough on the inside to do this requires doing the inner work on your original traumas in order to become whole. Otherwise, you may capitulate and keep handing your power away.

Trait Number Five: Trying to Change Other People to Stop Them From Hurting You

Narcissists seek out people who are co-dependent. These are people who make other people’s business their business in order to try to feel loved, safe and happy.

Narcissists make a mess.

They are often edgy, irresponsible, live high on the hog, and show little respect for rules, finances and responsibility – after all it is about feeding their insatiable False Self in order to feel significant, regardless of the cost.

If you are someone who is covertly controlling, meaning taking responsibility for other people who don’t take responsibility for themselves, in order for you to feel safe on the inside, then you are a perfect match for a narcissist.

He or she wants somebody to mop up the messes. He or she wants someone to keep the fires burning while the narcissist pursues new supply outside of the home. He or she wants somebody to hang around and stay focused on the narcissist regardless of how badly the narcissist behaves.

We may believe that it is caring to look after irresponsible and out-of-control people, but really this is an attempt to try to get people to be stable and safe so that they can love us and look after us healthily.

As children, we may have been connected to unsafe others, trying to fix things for them so that they would be safe. The truth is we had no other option. As adults we do, and we can never fix other people’s behaviour to get our own source of love, approval, security and survival.

We only ever achieve these things by letting go of people who we believe need fixing, and turning inwards and fixing the real reasons why we have had the tendency to do this and stay connected to abuse in painful relationships.

Trait Number Six: You Are Not Self-Partnered and Loving Yourself

When the narcissist starts behaving in inappropriate and abusive ways, and you stay attached to him or her instead of pulling away to look after yourself, the narcissist knows that he or she has become the centre of your universe.

Now the narcissist can keep hurting you, mining and taking from you, and know that you have been secured as a source of supply while this takes place.

When you stay, which means tolerating things that you never believed you would tolerate, the narcissist has full permission to relax and drop the mask even further.

He or she may realise that even if caught out with adultery you won’t leave.

This is soul destroying for you, when you realise that your bottom line is almost completely extinguished, or even non-existent now.

This is the reason why being self-partnered is the number one step to take, to start pulling away, healing, bringing yourself back to wholeness and wellness and being impervious to abusers in the future.

It is the absolute foundation of healing in the Thriver Way in order to create a full recovery of not just your abuse symptoms, but also your abuse patterns.

If you are not self-partnered, meaning you are committed to loving yourself enough to heal and create yourself as a whole and healthy individual who is no longer susceptible to abuse, then your life will be dictated by other people’s values and choices rather than your own.

Narcissists know how to look out for this to ascertain where people are in regard to being anchored in their own being as self-love to themselves or not. People who have been assigning other people as their source of love, approval, security and survival are clearly not self-partnered.

If this is the case, narcissists know that they can easily slot into that position, enmesh with people, and start taking over their soul and life.

How to Recover From These Six Traits

I hope that going over these top six traits that narcissists look out for in their victims has helped you understand just how you may have been susceptible to narcissistic abuse.

Most people are extremely aware of the symptoms that they are suffering, and that they have been abused, but do not realise the real rectifications that are necessary to graduate out of the pain and trauma to evolve yourself beyond handing your power away to abusers again.

If you need further clarification and understanding on exactly how this has played out in your life then I invite you to join me in my free webinar where you will start to understand exactly how you can heal from not just your abuse symptoms, but also the abuser’s ability to hurt you, and, going forward, the fears of getting involved with any narcissistic people in the future.

To gain this vital understanding and training please click this link.

And, if you liked this video please give it a thumbs up and share with the communities and people who you know can heal as a result of this information.

Also, please remember to subscribe so you will be notified as soon as each new video is released.

So, I hope that this video was insightful for you and I look forward to your comments and questions below.

 

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Narcissistic Traits Create Complications During Divorce

How Narcissistic Traits Create Complications During Divorce

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Narcissistic Traits Create Complications During Divorce

 

Many women who are married to narcissistic husbands become fed up with the situation and decide to get a divorce. While separating and filing for divorce might bring an immediate sense of relief from the challenges of living with a narcissist, the challenges might very well continue throughout the divorce process.

Divorce is difficult enough without the complications that a spouse with a narcissistic personality disorder can bring to the table. You might face unexpected and unnecessary conflict throughout the legal process, as your spouse might repeatedly attempt to make the divorce as trying as possible for you. Even if you have been dealing with their behavior for years, it can be challenging to stand your ground and ensure that you fight for your rights in the divorce.

How Narcissistic Traits Can Create Complications

In many divorces, both spouses will recognize that – despite their differences – compromise and cooperation will save them money, time, and stress.

However, narcissistic personality traits can make it nearly impossible for your spouse to agree to compromise. Some common personality traits of narcissistic people can include:

  • Unjustified sense of entitlement
  • Inflated superiority and self-importance
  • Putting down those they believe to be inferior to them
  • Expecting constant admiration or recognition
  • Expecting others to comply with their wishes without question
  • Being unable to realize the needs or feelings of others
  • Inability to calmly handle stressful situations
  • Difficulty adapting to change
  • Constantly changing their wants and desires
  • Reacting with angry outbursts or even vengeance if they believe they are not getting what they want at the moment

Because they believe they are superior and in the right, narcissists tend to think that everyone else is in the wrong. Even if your spouse caused most of your marital problems and conflict, expect to be blamed and for them to present themselves as the victim in the situation.

To make matters worse, once your spouse starts blaming you, they will likely be unwavering in this position. They will likely start to believe this narrative themselves.

Expecting Too Much

Because your spouse might believe they are the victim of the divorce, and they might already have an inflated sense of entitlement, they likely will feel entitled to much more than their share in the outcome of your case. They might refuse to agree to a reasonable division of property, custody arrangement, or financial support order.

This might also be the case if your spouse is feeling vengeful and trying to “get back” at you by trying to take everything away from you. This fight to “get everything” can cause serious complications in your legal case.

First, divorce is always simpler and faster when spouses can reach their own agreement. Whether you can agree on the major issues on your own or through mediation, presenting the court with an agreement upfront can save the time and expense of litigation. You should not have to give up more than necessary, however, just because your spouse demands it.

If your spouse is making unreasonable demands that deprive you of property or custody rights under the law, you should stand your ground, no matter how difficult that might seem.

How the Right Divorce Lawyer Can Help in this Situation

Narcissists know how to manipulate a situation to get what they want, so it is important that you have the right divorce attorney on your side from the start of the process. An attorney can look at the situation objectively and keep reminding you of your rights and what you deserve in the divorce outcome.

An experienced lawyer will not take your spouse’s actions and words personally and can help you stay the course until your divorce is final with a fair outcome for you.

In many cases, having an attorney act as an intermediary between your soon-to-be-ex and you can give you the time and space you need to see your situation clearly. In addition, not communicating with your husband directly can prevent you from falling into the unhealthy patterns of communication that likely played a role in the demise of your marriage.

This can often facilitate reaching an out-of-court agreement, which will almost certainly save you a significant amount of time and money.

In some cases, it may be a good idea to ask your spouse to agree to a psychiatric evaluation in order to establish evidence regarding his personality disorder. This is particularly true in cases where you believe your children may be put in danger of emotional or physical harm due to his issues. An official recent diagnosis could be used as evidence in your favor when it comes to the determination of child custody.

Just because your spouse has narcissistic personality traits does not mean you should give up your rights in your divorce case. When you meet with your lawyer initially, be honest about your spouse’s personality, so your lawyer knows what they will be dealing with right from the start. They can then plan a strategy to help you obtain a successful outcome as efficiently as possible.

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Personality Traits That Attract a Narcissist

What Personality Traits are Narcissists Attracted To?

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Personality Traits That Attract a Narcissist

 

I’m going to say that narcissists are attracted to everything they aren’t. If you want to feel wealthy you dress well, act superior and surround yourself with wealthy people. You may not have money in the bank, but your lifestyle says WEALTHY.

We all know there are certain traits missing in the narcissist’s makeup. The narcissist knows this also so, he is going to be attracted to those who, as he needs, make him look good. The narcissist is an empty shell but, they are intelligent enough to know that if they are going to appear likable and become socially accepted, they must attach themselves to someone whose skirt tails they can ride.

Personality Traits That Attract a Narcissist:

  • Intelligence.
  • Being empathetic and compassionate.
  • Having humanitarian interests.
  • Showing heart.
  • Able to express empathy and compassion.
  • High moral compass.
  • Sincerity, warm-heartedness and inner beauty.
  • Being genuinely concerned about the wellbeing of others.
  • Emotional maturity.
  • Friendliness and a love for life. Positive mental attitude.
  • Spirit- an open and happy spirit.
  • Success and achievements.
  • Hierarchy or societal place on the ‘social ladder.’
  • Resources- materialistic blessings or achievements.
  • Unique talents, gifts, and abilities.
  • A genuine care for others, animals and the world.
  • Shyness and insecurities.
  • Someone easily shapeable.
  • Inner beauty.
  • External beauty and someone they can ‘show off.’

You’ll notice, grouped in with those traits is, shyness, insecurities and easily shapeable. That’s the key, they want someone who appears to have it all together on the surface but struggles with self-esteem issues, codependency issues and will to change to please the narcissist. They want a woman to reflect well upon them, but they also want one they can manipulate.

I remember being constantly complimented by my ex because of my volunteer work, my looks, my chosen career, and my love of animals. On the other hand, he was very interested in family of origin issues I dealt with and how those had impacted me.

I made the mistake of confusing his interest with caring and concern. I know now that what he was doing was arming himself with ammunition to use when we got to the manipulation phase of our relationship. Feigning interest in issues you find difficult to deal with is all part of the manipulation game they play.

How Does a Woman Keep from Being the Victim of a Narcissist?

Below are some questions you need to ask yourself. Protecting yourself from a narcissist has a lot to do with how secure your boundaries are and how much bad behavior you’ll accept in a relationship.

Have you ever ended a relationship because the other person was too selfish? 

Or, do you make excuses and blame yourself for not giving enough in the relationship?

Do you have clear boundaries that you enforce about what types of behaviors you will or will not tolerate from a romantic partner?

If a relationship began wonderfully, but quickly goes downhill, do you stay in it hoping that it will improve?

Does being “in love” trump being treated well?

Do you put up with being devalued?

Do you make excuses for the other person’s bad behavior? They don’t really mean it. They had a hard day.

If the person’s behavior turns abusive do you leave immediately?

If you answered yes to any of these questions or, you’re unsure how you would respond in the situation, you’re exactly the type of woman a narcissist is attracted to. You’re the woman who will hold on when she should have let go. You’re the woman who’ll find herself trying to recover from narcissistic abuse and wondering what the hell happened to that wonderful man she fell in love with.

Don’t be that woman!

Bottom Line:

If you find yourself in a relationship with a man who makes you feel uncomfortable or regularly manipulates you into doing things you don’t want to do, he is probably not right for you. Whether he is a narcissist or not, it’s imperative to learn to trust your gut and not accept bad behavior regardless of how you feel about a man. That is what will keep you from ever becoming the victim of a narcissist.

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